My Cowardly Lion
by laughablelamb
Summary: Edward Cullen is beyond shy, Bella Swan has similar issues, and Alice, given an opportunity she never thought possible, has a plan that she hopes will help them both understand the value of a little human interaction.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: If you like stories about quiet, shy, uncertain Edward and enjoy the process that usually involves Bella and the rest of the gang breaking him out of his shell, you might like this one. At least I hope you will. *grin*

**All recognizable characters and situations are the property of their respective owners, in this case Stephenie Meyer, for the most part.  
I, myself own very little besides what my imagination is able to conjure up. So now, on to the good stuff.

Chapter 1

Bella trudged slowly up the stairs, her sleep fogged brain unable to comprehend the exact time of day or this odd need she'd suddenly developed for peanut butter. The only thing she knew for sure was that she was happy that she managed to make it up to the ground floor, only stubbing her toes twice—quite an accomplishment for her.

She wasn't really sure how many times she'd already thanked the powers that be for Alice's insistence that she be allowed the top floor bedroom, but Bella was indeed thankful yet again that she only had to worry about tripping up the stairs and not tumbling down them in what was her normal groggy morning condition. After years of living with her clumsy self she knew that the disaster potential always went down significantly when you could take gravity out of the equation.

Now safely standing at the top of the stairs she slid her glasses, which had been held loosely in her left hand during her ascent, into place as her face split into a jaw-popping yawn.

"Peanut butter." She quietly reminded herself before she set out across the room in hopes of finding said peanut butter and escaping back to her little bubble of happiness known as her bed for a few more hours.

"Mmumph."

Bella's head snapped up hearing the unexpected sound. No longer interested in watching her feet, she was surprised to see an unknown body lying on their sofa.

Blinking rapidly in an attempt to control the immediate rush of adrenaline and get her brain to focus, Bella slowly approached the covered form before her. She didn't know what to think, but it seemed that her brain was only interested in the very worst scenarios.

There was a pale yet well muscled arm dangling out from under the blanket that was usually draped over the back of her favorite chair, but that was all she could see of the individual, as the blanket did a good job of hiding everything else. Upon further inspection she noted a generous amount of dark hair covering said arm and a large capable hand attached to the end. This was no doubt a man, and by the look of things one that she truly did not know.

Bella was stuck for a moment wondering what she should do. Flee the room and pretend she'd not seen him here? Go upstairs and alert Alice? Wake the man and send him on his way?

She was seriously considering option one, never having been one for any sort of confrontation, when she heard another noise coming from the kitchen. Fortunately this provided her with a reasonable alternative that she gladly embraced.

Upon entering the kitchen Bella could hardly control her reaction. When she saw Alice flitting about at this godforsaken hour, happy as she believed she'd ever seen her, she began to ponder some very unsettling possibilities.

"Alice!" she whisper-yelled.

Alice turned with a radiant grin.

"Shh Bella, I don't want you to wake Edward." She said quietly, silently clapping her hands in her usual giddy fashion.

"Edward?" Bella became furious in a second. Alice _knew_ this man on their sofa?

"No. We wouldn't want to wake _Edward_." She sarcastically agreed. "What the hell are you thinking Alice? Is Jasper suddenly not good enough for you?" Bella began to rant, her voice rising with each word. "I have half a mind to call him up and tell him…"

"Bella!" Alice quickly interrupted allowing her voice to rise as well.

Bella paused watching Alice take a deep breath.

She was suddenly livid, a condition she was extremely unfamiliar with. How could Alice do this to someone as sweet and sincere as Jasper? Wasn't she aware of just how perfect they were together—how completely that man adored her?

"Edward." Alice said patiently now, in a much quieter tone. "My _brother_, Edward."

Recognition instantly flashed in Bella's eyes.

God how could she have jump to such a ridiculous conclusion? Alice was completely head over heels in love with Jasper and Bella had never seen a couple so in love. To think that Alice would have jeopardized such a relationship with some random fling, as Bella had accentually been about to insinuate was unimaginable.

"Oh Alice, I'm so sorry for…" but Bella didn't get to finish the apology either; this time she was interrupted by the most wonderful sound her ears had ever had the pleasure of knowing.

"Morning." Was all he said. His voice was still thick with sleep and slightly gruff sounding.

Was it truly morning? Bella wasn't entirely sure because she was having the most difficult time convincing herself that she wasn't still dreaming. That arm, the arm she'd so intimately viewed just moments ago, was attached to the most wonderful specimen of a man she'd ever laid eyes on.

His hair was standing on end, pointing every direction; his clothes were rumpled and much of his face was stamped with the imprint from where he'd laid against the sofa cushion, but in her mind he was the most beautiful person she'd ever seen.

This man couldn't possibly be Edward Cullen; Alice's elusive older brother whom Bella had heard about for years now but had never had the pleasure of meeting. Alice's brother was an awkward boy with merely average looks. The pictures she'd seen of Alice's family portrayed her brother as somewhat tall, with glasses and usually an indifferent expression, one that Bella secretly believed was meant to appear indulgent for Alice's benefit, as he was usually pictured by her side but apart from everyone else.

As much as she'd like to deny it however she couldn't seem to get the memory of his unique hair color and those startlingly, vibrant green eyes out of her mind. The man before her was indeed that boy she'd seen pictured with her best friend, there could be no mistake.

"Morning sleepyhead!" Alice squealed, launching her petite frame into the arms of the barely awake man standing in their kitchen.

"Edward, I'm so glad you're up. I want you to meet my best friend in the whole world, Bella. Bella, this is my big brother, Edward!"

Alice's enthusiasm could rarely be matched and Bella was beginning to feel slightly overwhelmed, particularly when Edward's brilliantly colored eyes, now looking more familiar to her from behind the pair of glasses he'd put in place—likely during her internal monologue, landed on her for the first time with some sense of recognition.

Under his brief inspection, she was abruptly reminded of her state of dress. She'd only been looking for a jar of peanut butter, not the most impressive sex god this side of the Mississippi, she tried to reason with herself. Could fate not cut her just a little bit of slack for once?

"I uhh…I'll…umm," his semi-statement was rushed and uncomfortable at best before he looked at Alice with a sense of urgency, rushing out of the room; an unintelligible string of profanities followed him, by the sound of it, if Bella's ears could be trusted.

Bella looked at her friend with a startled expression, her mouth moving without a sound as she tried to make some sense of what had just happened.

"Is he…?" she tried to ask.

"Shy? Yeah, painfully so." Alice explained without further prompting, a look of disappointment marring her features now.

"I'm sorry for that; I'm just so excited that he's home finally and he came here late last night wanting a place to crash." She offered by way of an explanation seeing just how uncomfortable Bella had become.

"It's fine. I just wanted to grab a snack then head back downstairs. Don't let me get in the way." Bella went to the cupboard in search of the peanut butter and discreetly tried to straighten the haystack upon her head as she did so, thinking her appearance was most likely more than enough to send any grown man running.

"Bella, this is your home too. He's just gonna have to get over this ridiculous aversion to people he's got and learn to deal if he wants to see me." Alice explained.

"Thing is he's been living out in the middle of nowhere for a long time and he doesn't get out much. I sort of neglected to tell him last night in all of my excitement that I had a roommate. I'm sure he was just startled to see someone else here is all." She looked truly apologetic for the first time ever.

Though she didn't fully understand Bella couldn't really find it within herself to be upset.

"Alice, it's fine. He's your brother after all. I could always go and visit Charlie for a few days if it would make things any more comfortable for him." She offered.

"Don't you dare! I've been waiting years for the two of you to meet and just because my brother is a big dumb chicken does not mean that we can't all be in this house together at the same time."

Bella sat down at the breakfast bar and looked at her hands for a moment.

"He's changed." Looking up to see Alice smiling down at her she tried to clarify. "From the pictures I mean, he doesn't look the same."

"Most of the pictures I've shown you were from when we were kids, Bella. He's a grown man now. Of course he's changed."

Bella was thoughtful for a moment. She didn't miss the subtle smile that danced around with Alice's words. Was she going to try and fix her up with her brother? He was beyond beautiful that was for sure. She'd never be able to deny some sort of physical attraction to him, but he had made his feelings clear enough with his abrupt exit just moments ago. She knew she wasn't at her best but even then she was hardly anything special. Alice could instigate all she liked, Bella knew better than to believe a man as beautiful as Edward would ever be interested in a woman such as herself.

"By the way, you need to stop internally degrading yourself please." Alice went on to inform Bella with an all-knowing look.

"I wasn't…" Bella was about to deny but she thought better of it when she saw Alice discreetly raise an eyebrow.

"Fine, but can you blame me Alice? I wasn't even awake until like five minutes ago and suddenly there's a man standing in this kitchen that I've never met before and you know I'm not good with new people." Bella knew that she was pouting but she really thought that Alice knew her better than that. Maybe it was because she was his sister that she didn't see the over all appeal that he might hold for someone.

"Bella, my dear brother is the most ridiculously intelligent, handsome, and frustratingly stubborn man I've ever known."

Ok so maybe Alice did see his appeal, but stubborn? Bella wondered.

"I know I've told you stories about us growing up and how Edward went off to boarding school to study music when he was a teenager, but Bella I didn't want you to think poorly of him so I've never really told you about some of the other stuff." Alice looked torn over what to do for a brief moment.

Bella was just about to tell her it was ok, and that she didn't have to say anything. Edward was her brother and Alice was Bella's closest friend, Bella would accept him no matter what, but when Alice looked at Bella again still trying to decide something it would appear, she hesitated. Alice shifted her eyes towards the door that Edward had so hastily escaped through and then back to Bella once again.

"Give me about two seconds? You could grab that peanut butter you were looking for and go on downstairs like you'd planned. I'll bring us some coffee in just a few and we'll talk." She offered finally.

"Sure." Bella conceded with little fuss. Whatever Alice wanted to talk about must be important she determined and she was unable to deny her curiosity all of a sudden.

Alice smiled and left the room so Bella went about her business and with peanut butter finally in hand she headed back down to her little cave.

When Bella and Alice had decided to share a place after graduation Bella had been overjoyed. She had spent the past four years on her own and loathed the idea of moving back home. Life with Charlie or Renee was never really what one might call comfortable.  
Bella loved her parents and all of their weird ways but as an adult she felt like it was finally time to let them exist on their own while they were forced to allow her the same privilege.

The only problem with this plan initially was a severely limited bank account. Enter Alice, her magical checkbook and her seemingly endless supply of resources.

Her best friend's parents were both very successful and generous to a fault. They had decided early on that they wanted to insure that their children had a good head start in life; as a result they had quietly been purchasing multiple properties over the years. So when Alice and Bella graduated together a few weeks ago, Carlisle and Esme had given Alice the news that all she needed to do was choose which place would suit her needs best and they would take care of the rest.

It wasn't even a question really; she insisted that she and Bella would need a place big enough for the two of them and it should be close enough to downtown so that their commute to their respective jobs would be convenient. Plans were made and they'd moved in to their new place the following week.

Bella sat nibbling thoughtfully on the corner of her peanut butter sandwich while looking around her room, as she waited for Alice. Thankfully she'd be getting the last of her things from home in the next day or so which meant that she could finally clean the place up a bit and organize.

She didn't have much right now, a bed, her computer and most of her Alice approved wardrobe. Various knick-knacks and keepsakes she'd collected over the years along with her collection of books and some other basic furnishings were all that was missing. Her plan was to drive home to Forks this weekend, pack it all up and make her move official if everything went well over the next few days.

"Ok, sorry about that. I got Edward all settled and eating some breakfast. Had to promise that we'd be down here a while so he'd actually come out of the bathroom." With a heavy sigh following her explanation Alice handed over a mug of coffee to Bella and sat down on the foot of the bed.

"Alice, really, this must be very awkward for him, if it makes things difficult I really don't mind going home early." Bella offered.

Locking one's self in the bathroom over meeting your sibling's roommate seemed rather extreme, but Bella was not one to judge when it came to overreacting to an uncomfortable predicament. Given enough time to think about it, Bella realized had she been in Edward's place just now she would still be cussing Alice for the unnecessary surprise he'd been faced with.

"Bella this _is_ your home." Alice stated forcefully. "Edward has some social issues and it has nothing to do with you particularly. What I want to tell you, you have to promise to keep an open mind about. I won't have anyone look at Edward as if he's weird or abnormal and he hates people feeling sorry for him; so I want you to know this but you have to understand that it would embarrass Edward and likely be counter productive if he knew I'd shared, ok."

"Alice you don't have to tell me if its that bad. I can understand the not being good with people and accept it." Bella assured her with a little self-deprecating chuckle.

"I know you can." Alice smiled. "That's why I really want you to hear this. You two have so much in common it's not even funny."

"You know I love you and by extension I love your family, Edward included." Bella promised. "I really think that if whatever you want to tell me might make things weird for him it might be best if I don't know about it."

"Ok," Alice begrudgingly conceded. "Maybe if he hangs out long enough with us he'll be able to talk to you about some of his issues himself, though I'm not really sure that's likely to happen."

Alice took a sip of her coffee and Bella smiled seeing that she was trying to play it cool but she was really about to burst. If Alice wanted to do something she was never satisfied until she got her way.

"You know, it wouldn't hurt to at least know a little about him; you know, so that I don't do something that might unknowingly make things any more awkward or uncomfortable for him." Bella hedged, knowing that Alice wouldn't be happy until she was at least granted permission to share something.

With a bright smile now, Alice launched into her story without any further prompting.

"So Edward's not really good with people, sorta like you but worse in a lot of ways.

When he was little mom thought that he was just shy since he never interacted well with other kids. He'd always go off on his own in social settings, play by himself and stuff, never talked to anyone unless mom or dad forced the issue and then it was always really awkward.

He'd started pre-school about the time I was born and it became even more obvious that he wasn't just shy like some kids are normally, so the teachers asked mom to get him tested for all sorts of things. In doing so they found out that even though he'd just turned four he was scoring off the charts in intelligence, so they kind of brushed it off as boredom. You know, like 'I'm a smart kid and you're not so I can't be bothered with you,' if that makes sense. And basically when his teachers were asking him about colors and shapes it was like someone asking a rocket scientist what's two plus two."

Alice took another sip of her coffee before continuing and smiled noticing Bella follow along with equal amounts of interest and sympathy.

"Once I was born they actually got kind of excited; turns out that Edward only interacted well with mom and dad up to that point and our Aunt Elizabeth, mom's sister. So when they noticed that he didn't shy away from me they were encouraged that they might be on to something—that he was normal enough with people so long as he felt comfortable with them. Our parents had been there from the beginning so he didn't really have a choice in that matter, but with me he seemed to be ok of his own accord, actually seeking out my company.

Sometimes when I'd be in my crib napping or whatever Mom would find him sitting in my room reading or playing quietly in the corner with his matchbox cars. It was like he wanted to be away from everyone but he didn't want to be alone so, me being a baby and the most non-threatening person around he seemed to latch on to my presence. As I got older it seemed to stay that way. Edward was always shy and reserved except when I was around. I couldn't get him to run and play with me the way that I wanted but he was always willing to just _be_ there.

So I guess it was when Edward was around seven or eight that his teachers got concerned again and Mom finally sought the help of a psychologist. He wasn't growing out of whatever this problem was, so they figured that now, since he was older and could perhaps verbalize his feelings better, they could maybe discover something they would have missed when he was so young. The doctors didn't have any real answers but they tried to pin some type of mental disorder on him; everything from basic anxiety, all the way to full blown Agoraphobia, but he doesn't truly exhibit enough symptoms of any one disorder to actually render any sort of real diagnosis."

Bella set her coffee mug aside realizing that she'd lost interest in her sandwich and the coffee had already started to go cold. When she turned back she reached out and took Alice's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She had no idea the flood of information that Alice was holding back when she had encouraged her to share, but this was obviously something that she really needed to get off her chest.

"Thank goodness my Dad is an awesome doctor in his own right, otherwise Edward would probably be drugged out of his mind and living in some institution by now." Alice continued, trying to make light of the subject.

"The general consensus eventually, was that Edward didn't really have a _problem—_he was just really shy and too stubborn to make any effort to change; so they felt that if he were continually around people eventually he'd have to learn to interact.

Things went on as usual from there, but it quickly became obvious that he couldn't really reach his potential in a normal school setting. So, rather than allowing him to be closed off from the rest of the world and give in to his introvert-ness, Mom located this school that catered to gifted kids with an aptitude for the arts.  
Dad checked things out over a long weekend and talked to all the right people and Edward was transferred mid-semester. It was a place just outside of Chicago and though I hated to see him go so far away, I really only wanted whatever was best for him. It was the only setting I could ever really see him thriving in, so we all accepted it."

Alice looked to be on the verge of tears as she spoke and Bella was feeling very inadequate all of a sudden. Seeing as Alice was never the type to be anything less than giddy.

"He did really well once he was settled in to the routine at school and he eagerly moved on to college, which was a breeze for him. He took online classes for almost everything, and the few classes he actually had to attend he went to via a small community college up in Alaska near Aunt Elizabeth's place. Then afterwards, he basically made a habit of studying anything he could get his hands on while traipsing around the Alaskan wilderness for a year. I teased him when he finally came back home that one Christmas, that he must have decided caribou were preferable company to his only sister." Alice snorted in a very unladylike fashion making Bella smile. At least she could still find some humor in it even if Bella could still see how hard it was for her relive the memory.

"He'd grown and matured a lot by then and he told us all that he was ready to start working finally. He's been independently making computer software for the past couple of years, which works for him because he can work from home and any correspondence he has with his buyers can all be done through email."

There was a pause finally, while Alice seemed to be taking a moment to think. Bella felt like her mouth was hanging open at this point trying to remember exactly why this whole conversation had started in the first place.

Oh yes, Edward and his shyness.

Why Alice felt a need to share his entire life story all of a sudden was beyond her, but Alice never was one to do any thing halfway.

"He's been quite successful but it's all pretty meaningless though—he's stuck just puttering his way through life. So far as I know he talks to me and Mom about once every two weeks on the phone, he might call Aunt Elizabeth about once a month and other than that he may as well be a mute. He's a friggin' twenty-five year old genius and he hasn't had a real adult conversation with more than five or six people in his entire lifetime. And for those not a part of my immediate family those conversations have been painful to witness, let me tell ya."

Bella was trying to wrap her head around what Alice was saying and more importantly why it was a big deal in the first place. Bella was not an outgoing person either. She'd be embarrassed to admit it to anyone, but she often went out of her way to avoid doing most things that required any sort of social interaction on purpose. The only reason she was so close to Alice was because she really had no choice in the matter—generally people aren't allowed to be shy around Alice. Well, most people, excluding Edward it would seem.

She couldn't explain all of the reasons right now, but Bella felt some sort of kinship with Edward and decided she needed to stand up for him.

"But Alice, what's the problem? So he's shy. Maybe there is really something there that makes him unable to interact with people."

She was concerned by the level of shyness that had been described to her but really, the man was successful and seemingly content, why not just allow him to continue to exist however he likes?

"If it has worked for him for twenty-five years, why try and force him to change now?"

"Bella, he is successful in everything he does, but he's lonely. There are times when we talk that he actually confesses a need for something more, something he can't really explain. And I just feel like that something is a friend."

Bella recognized that uncomfortable feeling again. Alice knew her better than anyone and when she said that she and Edward had a lot in common she was very right. Bella was also very shy and standoffish when it came to meeting new people. If Alice was insinuating what she thought she was Bella wanted no part of it.

"I love you Alice and you know I'm always there for you, but if you're suggesting that I'm the _friend _that Edward needs, I feel like that's not being fair to him. I am happy to be here for you and for him, but only if he wants me to be—no outside interference from well meaning but overbearing sisters. Got it?" Bella smirked as Alice threw her arms around her.

"Thanks Bella!"

Alice smiled shyly herself now, "I know its not fair to either of you to ask this but I've never known another person quite like my brother until I met you. The difference is that you have this people-pleasing gene apparently and therefore you can overcome some of your isms to make others happy, whereas Edward usually doesn't see the point. If anyone can understand where he's coming from and be a sympathetic sounding board I figure that person might be you. And if that makes him feel comfortable with you, I'm hoping that maybe a little bit of your courage might be able to rub off on him."

"I've already told you. No interference from the likes of you." Bella demanded. "I'll be around and I'll make an effort to be nice to him. That's it."

"That's all I need." Alice grinned jumping up from the bed, her abundance of energy no longer happy to sit on idle any longer. "I'm going to find Edward so I can take him shopping. Would you believe he had the nerve to show up here with nothing but the clothes he's currently wearing and a duffle bag that's hardly big enough to carry an extra pair of shoes in?"

"Alice, I don't think dragging Edward all over town is the best way to make him want to stay here." Bella cringed. She'd been subjected to Alice's shopping ventures more than once and for a person like Edward she could only imagine how horrifying such an experience might be.

"Don't be silly, I know that. Shopping with Edward involves a credit card and a computer, but its still fun to pick things out for him." Alice chuckled, already pleased that Bella seemed to be taking on the role of protector where her brother was concerned.

"We'll be up in my room if you need us." She added while already bouncing up the stairs.

Bella took a deep breath and glanced at her half eaten sandwich and the mug of coffee sitting on the nightstand as she snuggled back into her pillows.  
To say it had been an interesting morning didn't quite seem to cover it. Not long ago Bella's only wish was for a little snack and a few more hours of sleep on the only day off she was allowing herself this week, but with all this new information she felt like sleep was the last thing she'd be capable of right now.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Well it seems I've got a handful of readers at least. Now I'm just wondering what y'all think of the story…. reviews are appreciated…good, bad or other, I'll take 'em all. Plus they may mean you get your updates a lil faster. *wink, wink*

Chapter 2

Edward was lying across Alice's bed upstairs, his head buried under a pillow. Why he allowed Alice to subject him to this type of torture he'd never truly understand, but in the back of his mind he reasoned that it had been a long time since he'd seen his sister and she'd always been his closest friend—dealing with a little discomfort in order to keep her happy was just something he'd have to get use to.

He knew that his self-imposed absences were hard for her to understand and even harder for her to accept. So with that in mind, he'd finally made the decision to come home for a long overdue visit.  
Alice had finally graduated and had now moved into a place of her own, which made the decision a bit easier for him. Coming home wouldn't mean having to deal with the daily routine in his parents' house. He wouldn't have to answer questions and be made to talk unnecessarily. He could just be himself and relax.  
That is what he thought at least, until he saw _her_.

He knew of Bella Swan, Alice's friend from high school and roommate throughout college. His sister had known the girl for years and she loved to tell him about all of their adventures when he'd make his bi-weekly phone call to let her know he was still alive—her words, not his. He'd listened to countless hours of chatter about what Bella had done and what Bella had said, but to say that he _knew_ Bella was far from the truth.

Alice was one of a kind and Edward loved her all the more for it, but he'd learned at an early age how to tune out some of her idle ramblings in an effort to save his sanity. The practice worked well for the most part, but he would usually learn later that he'd missed various bits of information, thanks to this practice, that might have been important along the way. Important information such as Bella Swan sharing her postgraduate home, or perhaps the fact that Bella Swan had become one of the most lovely creatures he would ever lay eyes upon.

"How about this one, Edward?" Alice chirped.

Obligingly, Edward peeked out from under the pillow with one eye and sighed, "Alice I don't need another jacket, the one I have is just fine."

"But Edward," she began to whine, "it's real lambskin and it's on sale!"

Edward replaced the pillow without further comment and left Alice to do whatever she liked.

He'd come upstairs after finishing off the bowl of cereal and cup of coffee she'd pressed him to eat, feeling too self conscious and ill prepared to try dealing with people today—beautiful people at that. But unfortunately Alice couldn't just leave him be. She'd appeared only moments after he'd begun to read the newspaper that he found sitting on the sofa table earlier with a grand plan for the day, which apparently included supplementing his meager wardrobe.

He may not know Bella, but he knew is sister very well and he knew without a doubt that she'd rope him into shopping at some point, but he really wasn't in the mood just now.

Truth be told, Edward was a simple man that required very little to keep him content. When he'd left the security of his mountain home in Colorado a few days before all he had with him were the clothes he wore, consisting of jeans, his favorite hiking boots, a gray t-shirt layered with an old faded flannel and his wool-lined leather coat. In a small bag that he usually carried when traveling he brought along the basic necessities such as, clean underwear and socks, an extra t-shirt and flannel, along with his preferred shampoo and shaving implements—though if he were to be honest he had little use for those.  
He was lucky if he had the urge to shave once a week, and even then he only bothered because his beard growth would begin to itch if he let it go for too long.  
As happy as Alice had been to see him last night she was quick to voice her opinion of his scruffy appearance once the excitement of his arrival had passed, but it didn't surprise him or hurt his feelings; he knew to expect nothing less.

So here he sat listening to his one and only sister discuss the pros and cons of cotton versus wool and the value of a good all-purpose blazer as she surfed her way through every site from Saks and Neiman Marcus to Amazon.

Edward didn't have the heart to tell his endearingly fashion conscious sibling that he couldn't give a damn about a blazer, mostly because he'd never find a reason to wear such a thing.

His cabin was strategically situated in the middle of nowhere, which meant his closest neighbor was over a mile away. He didn't go out, and people didn't visit him, ever. So basically his ordinary uniform of jeans and whatever shirt suited him would suffice for his everyday wear, without reproach from those that would never see him to criticize in the first place.

On the rare occasion that he did leave the comforts of home it was only for a short while to see one or more of his family members or perhaps tend to some basic shopping as needed, before he would thankfully return to the quite privacy of his own little sanctuary. The opinion of his family was always tolerant and therefore he never felt the need to change or impress, though his mother would prefer he put forth a little effort when in her presence. As for his limited interaction with the rest of society, it generally involved Wal-mart and their ingenious invent of the self-checkout process.

Wouldn't Alice be proud?

He knew that he'd have to be sure to do his own laundry while he was here if he wanted to hold on to the clothes he'd brought with him. She was busy attempting to buy him an entire closet full of clothing as it was, so anything that didn't qualify as designer wouldn't survive very long, once he had some other options available.

Now, despite his purposeful seclusion, it wasn't as if Edward was incapable of functioning; it just took him far more effort to build up the courage to do things that the average person seemed completely at ease with.

For example, he loved movies and as any movie lover knows the experience of seeing a film on the big screen was far better than anything a home theater could offer, no matter the technology. It was one of the only unnecessary outings he allowed himself to commit to. He would go to the nearest cinema about once a month and see whatever was showing of interest. All he had to do was say, "One adult for…_whatever the title was_" and "thank you" upon receiving his ticket, but psyching him self up for that monthly conversation with whichever random, pimply faced teenager manning the booth he might encounter was inexplicably difficult for him to manage.

Some would call him a hermit and many would believe him to be sad or lonely—perhaps both, but he didn't see it that way at all. He was comfortable by himself where there were no rules and no opinions but his own. He could go to bed at whatever time and wake when he felt like it. If he wanted to play his piano at 3am, or obsessively tweak his latest programming software while he ate ice cream for breakfast at noon, he would disturb no one. And when he chose to live off of peanut butter sandwiches everyday for a week there was no one there to tell him how odd he was being. In simple terms it worked for him; but none of that was really what kept Edward away from people.

For Edward words had always been unnecessary. He didn't see the point of filling up every minute of the day with mindless chatter. Silence was a beautiful, undervalued thing in his opinion. Even as a young boy he never felt the need to pollute his surroundings with unnecessary noise. The only acceptation for this was music.

His mother loved music—the classics especially. With such music there was no need for words, and he liked it that way. Music could convey every emotion and sentiment without the use of language, which he knew could often be misconstrued and confusing even under the best of circumstances. It had actually been while pondering his love of music, in order to write an essay during college, that he'd finally reached a few sold conclusions concerning his bizarre discomfort with people.

It was irrational and he knew it, but he'd analyzed his own neuroses thoroughly enough to understand that he was fearful of rejection and criticism to an unhealthy degree. It might be something as mundane as a scowl upon an old woman's face or harsh words coming from some inconsequential acquaintance but Edward held himself to a very high standard and he was petrified of failure.

As troublesome as it was Edward knew that his struggles made him a better person. With so much time alone to consider his condition he was able to reach an understanding of himself that he suspected very few people would ever achieve. Additionally this fear of failure forced him to be the best at everything he attempted, he refused to take on a task and deem it finished until it was perfect—flawless.

"Edward, are you listening to me at all?" Alice's annoyed, yet oddly indulgent voice filtered into his internal musings.

"Sorry, just a little spaced out right now. What did you say?" Edward cringed.

It had been too long. He usually made himself take this little trip home more frequently just so that he didn't become completely inept when it came to human interaction, but prior to his arrival last night, this had been the longest he'd ever stayed away.

He would use work as an excuse and in many ways he wasn't lying. He'd been working continuously to improve his latest software designs and with his need for perfection he'd refused to take any time away until they'd been completed and approved.

"I said, were you planning to stay a while or is this just a short trip before going back?" Alice repeated.

Edward finally tossed the pillow aside and sat up so he could pay attention and stop acting like a moody little fool.

"I'm not sure I guess," he smiled a little half-hearted smile that he knew Alice enjoyed seeing, "I want to stay. I don't having anything going on for a while, no new ideas. But I sorta assumed you'd have a little more space for me to stay with you."

He felt bad for bringing it up. She'd already apologized for not mentioning her situation with Bella and its not like he had any hard feelings towards the girl. The problem was that he wasn't very comfortable staying with his parents. Not that he didn't get along well enough with them, he just hated the idea of being trapped in a space that reminded him so much of his troubled childhood. He had played his part well, but being forced to battle his issues on a daily basis and attend school had left him thinking of his formative years as _the never-ending decade of torture_. His situation only seemed to get mildly better once he'd moved away.

His only other possibility was to live out of a hotel for the duration, but doing so for any extended period of time would mean having to deal with people, which he'd rather not.

"Well, that's sort of why I brought up the subject. Had I known having my own place would have made you come visit more often I would have chosen a _bigger_ place." Alice giggled. Secretly she was thrilled with the idea of having rather limit space with which to house Edward and Bella.

"Bella offered to go stay with her dad for a little while. She was planning to go that way this weekend anyhow to finish moving all of her things." Alice began to think aloud.

"No." Edward's voice was adamant. "I'm not going to kick the girl out of her own room. Plus, whether she's here or not, I could never make myself invade her personal space like that."

Alice knew that would be his response so she went on to option two—the one she was really hoping to get to anyway.

"You know Mom and Dad have more than one place in the area. There was a great little apartment over on Olympic Drive, but that one wouldn't work for me and Bella, cause it was too small; only one bedroom."

"Alice, you know I couldn't handle an apartment complex. Knowing Mom the place most likely has a freaking doorman I'd have to acknowledge every time I left to go somewhere."

"Which wouldn't be very often." Alice mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?" Edward asked. He was paying her his full attention now, which Alice had been counting on.

"I said you wouldn't have to. I know you would never be comfortable taking over Bella's space, but how about mine?" It was close enough in her opinion. She hated people picking on Edward because of his problems but sometimes she just couldn't help herself. Besides it gave her a reason to go ahead and pitch idea number two.

"Alice don't be ridiculous, I'm not kicking you out of your own home either." Edward sighed. "I'll just stay on the sofa another night and head back home in the morn..."

"You will NOT!" Alice interjected. "What about Mom and Dad? They haven't seen you either you know."

"I didn't say I wasn't going to go see them before I left." He defended his eyes still wide and unblinking after her abrupt outburst.

"Listen to me Edward. You haven't been home in nearly 2 years. You missed my college graduation for god's sake and now I have you here and you're just gonna up and leave because I have a small house and a roommate?" Alice knew she wasn't playing fair but desperate times call for desperate measures. Cue the waterworks.

As tears started to prickle just behind her eyes, Alice put the perfect little pout in place and crossed the room so that she was sitting right beside her brother.

"I miss you, Bubby."

"Shit." Edward groaned. After a moment he took a deep breath and held his arms out for Alice to climb on to his lap. If anything could bend his stubborn will it was a crying Alice who went so far as to pull out the childhood nickname that she'd given him. As soon as she laid her head against his shoulder he felt his resolve crumble.

"Damn it, Alice, this isn't fair you know." He sighed.

"I'd do anything for you Edward, moving three blocks away for a week or so is hardly a blood sacrifice." Alice sniffled, playing her part well.

"What about Bella?" he asked.

Alice ducked her head even further so he couldn't accidentally see her smile.

"She stays down in her room ninety percent of the time, only comes up for food and access to the front door. You'd never see her. The only way I see her is by insisting we eat meals together when we're both home."

She felt Edward idly fiddle with the silk trim of her sleeve, which she knew was a good sign. Whenever she'd witnessed him trying to pluck up the courage to do something he was not comfortable with he had a tendency to fidget with his clothing. He'd pull on his collar, or adjust the cuff of his sleeves and on more than one occasion she'd seen him literally twist a button on his shirt so much that it would eventually pop off.

He couldn't believe he was even considering this. His little sister knew just how to play him. And Bella. God what would he do with himself; trapped in a house alone with a woman he didn't even know? The first woman he could ever recall himself truly being attracted to. The very thought of it made his insides twist and turn, almost painfully, but what stood out most was that it wasn't quite the same feeling he had when faced with his normal fears.

"Is the place on Olympic even available?" he finally asked in a quiet voice.

"I'll call and ask as soon as you say you're willing to try." Alice promised.

"It's only three blocks away?" he wanted to confirm

"Yep. I'll be here most of the time. I'd only take what I need over there in order to sleep." She told him, finally looking up. "Okay?"

"Okay." Edward agreed after only a short pause.

Alice squealed and threw her arms around him, kissing his cheek.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh we are gonna have so much fun! But you my dear brother need to shave, like yesterday, gah." Alice grimaced, gingerly touching her lips, which made Edward laugh out loud for the first time in a long time.

"I really have missed you, but I think I missed that sound even more." Alice smiled, tears threatening all over again, without her permission this time.

"Maybe I'll do it for you again some time," Edward grinned shyly, "perhaps after I've shaved."

He stood Alice up and ruffled her hair, which made her growl at him but she was smiling anyway, so he knew it was okay before going to find his bag that had been tossed into the corner.

Alice didn't really have _that_ much influence over him that a single word would make him want to shave, but his mother did. He knew that if Alice called their parents in an attempt to secure housing arrangements they would soon learn of his visit and insist upon him coming by. If he wanted to avoid at least an hours worth of questions concerning his finances and living conditions he'd better clean up, shave and put on some fresh clothes.

"Hey Ally, I do sort of like the look of that one." He pointed out the sweater still up on the computer screen as he passed by.

"I bought you two," she smirked, "one in green and another in black. The green of course to bring out your eyes and the black looks really good with your complexion and hair color."

Edward just shook his head and went to get washed up, wondering how in the world he ever went so long without coming to see her and more importantly, how in the world he was ever going to sleep in a house only two floors above Bella Swan?


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Review, review, review!

Help me out a little folks, cause that little -0 is rather depressing to look at :(

Chapter 3

Bella had become bored. She had declined Alice's offer to go and visit Carlisle and Esme this afternoon, since Edward was going to be with her; because as much as she enjoyed their company she knew that it might be a little too much for him to have to handle so soon. They'd only met briefly, just this morning and she still remembered the terrified expression he'd had when he was made to realize that there was an unknown person standing there in his sister's kitchen.  
Plus she'd had a few new butterflies take up residence in her belly today—the type of butterflies that tend to make her embarrass herself. They were the butterflies that magically found a way to turn off that convenient brain-to-mouth filter most people possess. On a good day Bella was able to manually control that filter, but when the butterflies were present she no longer had any hope of keeping either of her feet far enough away from her mouth. Today would be one of those days for sure. With any luck she might be able to make it through with minimal damage, so long as Edward lived up to his reputation and stayed hidden until she could convince herself that she didn't already have a massive crush on him.

With that in mind she knew it would be best for all those involved if she just let Alice and Edward have a little alone time with their family. Besides if she managed to accidentally blurted out just how attractive she thought Edward was she might run the risk of hurting Carlisle's feelings.  
He really did seem to enjoy the distinction Bella had inadvertently given him during one of their first meetings way back when she was in high school and just getting to know Alice, and she really would hate to let him down now.  
He'd been so pleased to hear that he was the "hottest looking old dude" she'd ever seen that she didn't even feel bad for letting the statement slip. But somehow she didn't think that Edward would handle such a compliment so well, otherwise she might have been willing to let her lack of a filter have its way with her vocabulary already.

No. Dealing with Edward would be a delicate situation. She had a lot of her own issues when it came to meeting and talking to new people so she understood just how difficult it would be for him to accept her friendship—much less some type of unwelcome infatuation.

During her long sleepless morning spent in bed she'd devoted much of her time to thinking of ways to approach him. With each passing thought however, she seemed to become even more nervous. All she could imagine were the most awkward and embarrassing scenarios. The mere thought that anything she might accidentally do could make him uncomfortable and force him to leave, thereby disappointing Alice, made her feel ill.

Unable to come up with any solutions that made her feel better Bella had finally given up. She would go into work for the next few days although she really didn't need to, and on the weekend she would go visit her father and pack up the rest of her things—maybe even stay over for a few days. It was the best she could do for now and hopefully her absence would make him feel a bit more at ease.  
In the meantime she couldn't just sit around and allow herself time to dwell on the matter.  
Since Alice had dragged Edward out of the house for the time being she decided she'd go upstairs and make use of her favorite chair for a while and see if she might get a little bit of work done instead.

***  
To say that the mid-afternoon visit Alice and Edward paid to their parent's home across town had been a surprise was a gross understatement.  
Edward had not mentioned his plans to visit anytime soon to anyone, and though he'd been in touch with Alice during their regularly schedule phone conversation last week, it had been a while since he'd spoken to their mother. He felt bad about that but he reasoned that his visit would be better than another call anyway. He'd been unprepared however for the tearful reunion that awaited him.

Edward knew that his issues were hard for his family to accept, but seeing his poor mother nearly swoon at the sight of him on her front porch after all this time tore at his heart. He didn't want them to worry about him so much and he hated that his mere presence had the power to invoke such an emotional reaction. All the same he was grateful at that moment that Bella had declined Alice's invitation to join them. He wasn't really sure if he could handle being in a house all alone with the girl just yet but he was certain that he couldn't deal with her witnessing the hurt he was capable of inflicting upon those he loved, even though it was never his intention.  
People's opinions mattered to him. It was the very source of his problem, the fact that he didn't want to disappoint anyone, but for some reason he thought that Bella's opinion was particularly important.

Eventually, after everyone seemed to calm down following his arrival, Edward was almost prepared to say to hell with Alice's plan and just agree to stay in his parent's home after all. If it would make his mother happy, he'd gladly suffer through whatever anxiety his childhood surroundings might cause in order to atone for making her so upset. He was never given the option though, as Alice, in all her exuberant nature pitched her game plan with much fanfare before he could even think to offer the alternative.  
Though loathing to admit it, he was happy to both, avoid a situation he knew would prove to be uncomfortable, and he was eager to see just how this arrangement with Bella might play out. He knew that he didn't have it in him to initiate any sort of interaction, but with Alice acting as a buffer he felt at least marginally confident that he didn't need to be afraid of the girl.

With that in mind, plans were made and he was happy to see that his parent's were supportive of the idea, never even mentioning the idea that he should stay with them, or making any fuss about the inconvenience opening up the apartment for Alice's use might be.

Later after they'd left, so that Alice could start packing up some of her essentials, Carlisle and Esme found themselves quietly thinking.

"He looks good doesn't he?" Esme mentioned eventually, trying desperately to keep the emotion from her voice as she spoke to Carlisle, who sat across from her pretending to read one of his medical journals, while she fixed their afternoon tea.

"He does." Carlisle mumbled.

"Do you really think this arrangement Alice has in mind is wise?" Esme persisted.

They had tried over the years to avoid speaking of Edward's issues unless absolutely necessary. It was far too depressing to dwell on all of the things he'd had to miss out on, things that they couldn't bring themselves to force upon him. Today however, Esme couldn't turn a blind eye. He didn't seem unhappy but she couldn't say that he seemed overly content either. She worried about him more than she cared to admit since he'd moved away, but it was her right as a mother she had always reasoned. And today, the only description of his attitude she could seem to muster was the one she always had to settle on in the end. He was indulgent—only willing to do what might make his sister happy for the time being.

Carlisle sighed and set the periodical aside. He took a moment to look at his ever-doting wife and couldn't help but smile. It had done her a world of good to see both of their children together again.  
He knew that her concerns were well grounded, but he liked his daughter's plan and he for one thought it was past time that Edward be faced with a new challenge. He was always careful to keep his opinions neutral when it came to Edward's issues—the level of stress and worry his wife devoted to the situation was enough for twelve parents, so he usually attempted to balance her concerns with some level of optimism.

"I sometimes think that Edward should not always be considered the smartest child we've raised, because Alice often shows a few genius-like qualities of her own, love." Carlisle teased gently, as he reached out to take his wife's hand across the table.

"But what about Bella, darling? She's always been so shy herself and now Alice has basically decided to move out of a situation that I know Bella loves, in favor of replacing her presence with that of our, let's face it, socially inept son." Esme fussed.

Carlisle couldn't help but chuckle at his wife's worrisome rambling, "You saw it for yourself, he's willing to give the situation a try," pride evident in his words, despite a valiant attempt to control it. He wouldn't want his wife to think he was overly excited about a plan that she obviously had some reservations about.

"Of course we both know its only because he wants to make Alice happy, but you forget that Bella does this sort of thing all the time and she usually comes out of the experience all the better for it. Remember when Alice insisted that they move into a suite their second year of college? It meant another roommate—someone else for Bella to get use to and interact with on a personal level, but she agreed to try. And look at how that turned out. She and Rosalie will never have what she and Alice do, but she gained another loyal friend anyhow."

"Do you really see Edward and Bella ever talking to one another?" Esme smirked. "At least Rose is outgoing enough to initiate a conversation and Bella is polite enough to respond, Edward would offer no such help."

Edward's biggest supporters and defenders were usually his mother and sister but it would seem that today was finally the day the both of them could no longer keep their frustrations at bay. Carlisle gave himself a little pat on the back, seeing Esme voice her not so subtle admonishment of Edward's usual behavior. It was looking like he was the only one still able to hold back his negative opinions with any success.

"I don't think Alice's plans include leaving those two up to their own devices entirely." Carlisle smiled gently.

"Bella will have to go into work at times and she's already going over to Forks on the weekend to finish moving her things. Plus Alice was very clear that she only needed the apartment as a place to sleep for however long Edward decides to stay in town. I figure she plans to take up most of her free time orchestrating some sort of interaction between all of them—see if she can play mediator between the two shy ones until they figure out how to talk amongst themselves."

"You're all in favor of this aren't you?" Esme smiled back at her husband, noticing a light in his eyes she hadn't seen in a while. He was excited.

"It could be just what they both need." He shrugged. "Bella hasn't agree to go out with Alice and Jasper in months, and Edward…well you know how that is. I just think it's a brilliant idea to put the two of them together and let the chips fall where they may. If they both gain a friend—someone else to talk to, its more than either of them would have managed on their own. We all know that."

It looked as if Esme was in deep thought, so Carlisle made to pick up his reading once again, assuming the conversation was on hold for the moment.

"If it wasn't so late on a Sunday afternoon, I think I'd already have Mrs. Peyton on the phone. As it stands I'll be going to bed early just so that I can be up to make that call before any of her other clients attempt to monopolize her time tomorrow." Esme finally decided.

"That's the spirit," Carlisle chuckled.

***

"Tomorrow I'll have to go in to work in the morning but I should be able to get away before lunch. If you'll help me get a few things packed up tonight, we should be able to get the apartment situated early enough so that you'll only need to use the sofa for one more night." Alice explained as Edward concentrated on driving them back to her place.

"Sure." He responded quietly.

Alice could tell that Edward was feeling a little worn out after the visit with their parents. It wasn't like he'd run a marathon or anything, but being put into situation after situation in such a short period of time, that one is not use to can be just as draining.

"I thought I'd make us your favorite for supper tonight." Alice grinned. "I know you hardly ever bother cooking something that requires more effort than placing a slab of meat on the grill or something equally as simple into the microwave."

Edward's stomach growled in response.

His parent's had tried to get them to stay for dinner, but Alice had seen the look of desperation cross his features and begged off, saying she'd need all night to pack. Dinner with his parents would be something that took a little more preparation than he'd been allowed so far, however with the idea of lasagna now placed in his head, his body was telling him that the cereal from this morning was long gone and the pleasure of a hearty, home cooked meal was long overdue.

"Thanks." He smiled, grateful for far more than her suggestion of food just now.

The rest of their drive was spent in silence, Edward pleased that his sister knew him well enough to know just what he needed without him saying a word. After all of this time apart, he would never actually ask her to be quiet, but she intuitively knew.

Once they'd arrived he walked around and opened the passenger door for his sister to exit his car and held out his hand for her key so that he could unlock the front door. He didn't have anyone to do these types of things for ordinarily, but they were ingrained nonetheless and the proud little smile on Alice's face as he took care of her made the effort more than worth it.

"Why don't you go on upstairs and find my suitcase that's in the closet and I'll go to the kitchen and make sure I have everything we'll need to start supper." Alice offered as he took her coat.

"Okay." He nodded, making his way towards the living room and ultimately the stairs, only to find that he wasn't prepared at all for the sight that greeted him.

Earlier, in her boredom, Bella had taken the latest manuscript she'd been asked to review upstairs to begin reading. It was a bit too chilly to be comfortable, but she didn't feel like getting up to go adjust the thermostat. Instead she just grabbed her trusty old blanket from where it had been draped across the back of her chair and went about wrapping up in it. For some reason she had blocked out the fact that Edward had been sleeping under this very blanket only hours before so she was completely unprepared for the wonderful scent that suddenly invaded her senses.

She would have been mortified for anyone to see the blissful look upon her face as she buried her nose in the folds of her blanket, but she just couldn't help herself.  
There was still the familiar hint of fabric softener in the mix but other than that the smell was all Edward. It was clean and crisp, like mountain air mixed with rain, subtle hints of wood smoke and something else she'd never be able to describe. The combination was warm and comforting. Her manuscript now forgotten in favor of the cozy confines of her blanket, Bella dozed off and on for a while, before the sleep she'd been craving earlier in the day finally took over.

The sight of her curled up in the chair, snuggled so peacefully within the folds of her blanket had mesmerized Edward; he had tried to convince himself earlier that his attraction to Bella was little more than a fluke—something his brain had conjured up to mess with him, but such was not the case. He'd barely been able to make eye contact with her this morning in the kitchen and his quick perusal of her overall appearance was surely rushed and inaccurate.  
Looking upon her once more he was now convinced that she was indeed far more beautiful that he'd originally thought. Her hair was the loveliest shade—brown with understated red highlights. Her delicate heart shaped face was pleasantly relaxed as she slept, but he wished for a moment that she might wake so that he could see those big brown eyes, no longer hidden behind the glasses she'd worn earlier in the day. She was petite, yet not nearly as small as his sister, making him wondered idly just how tall she really was and what they might look like if they were standing side-by-side.

"Edward, what…?" Alice started to ask seeing him stand awkwardly in the middle of the room, as if he were lost for a moment.

He turned and looked at her with the saddest expression. It was full of apology and embarrassment, but behind the obvious there was something more. He was scared and uncertain.  
Alice looked beyond her brother and noticed Bella still sleeping soundly, wrapped up in her favorite blanket, as she'd seen her many times before. Alice held out her hand and motioned for Edward to come with her as she approached the stairs.  
He closed his eyes and took her hand letting her lead him away after taking one final glance towards Bella.

Alice led Edward up to her bedroom and had him sit on the foot of her bed. She placed a gentle kiss on top of his messy hair and spoke softly.

"It's going to be fine, big brother, she will be everything you need her to be."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for coming through with a handful of great reviews. It's much easier to write when you know somebody appreciates the effort.  
Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Chapter 4

So here it was day three and Bella was no closer to speaking with Edward about anything. In fact she'd not seen him since dinner the night after he'd arrived.

She couldn't help but think that it might be her fault to some degree that he was pulling away from her already—before they even had a chance to properly get to know one another, but she'd been completely unable to temper the reaction she'd had to the news that Alice'd had waiting. Surprised to say the least, she was unaware that her friend could actually dream up such a plan, much less put it into affect before she even had the decency to discuss things with her; because when she had said she would be there for her and do whatever she could to make Edward feel welcomed she'd had no idea it meant she'd basically wined living with him—alone.

Alice always insisted that they eat their meals together when they could and despite Bella's protest she couldn't be swayed that night either. Bella knew that it had no doubt been a long day for Edward and that he might appreciate a little time alone with his sister, but Alice would hear nothing of it.

Taking a little time to freshen up a bit after her unintentional nap that afternoon, Bella finally resigned herself to the fact that she would just have to sit there for a while tonight, choke down a bit of her food and then excuse herself saying that she had things to prepare for work the next day. Her plan also included showing up to the table just a few minutes late, thereby giving everyone else a chance to settle in and hopefully relax, before her presence could make the situation awkward at all.

Unfortunately that aspect of the plan had backfired mildly, considering it seemed to have been Edward's idea as well.

When Bella arrived upstairs at a few minutes past seven she made her way in to the kitchen muttering an apology. She hoped that it would sound genuine enough, however Edward, who was approaching from the opposite entrance at the same time, managed to startle her before she could finish. Without saying a word, Edward had quickly taken his seat, while nervously chewing at his lower lip.

Off to a great start already the beginning of their meal became silent and uncomfortable to say the least. However, Alice eventually gave in and broached the subject of their collective sleeping arrangements once everyone appeared to be finished eating.

She knew that there was little hope of controlling the look on her face, but when Bella felt his eyes on her she started to get embarrassed and began to blush. Not knowing how else to respond, she ducked her head slightly; hiding behind the curtain her hair would conveniently create.

There were just so many emotions all of a sudden and Bella felt like she was being thrown under the bus in many ways.  
She was attracted to Edward and wanted nothing more than to get to know him, but she'd foolishly believed that Alice would be there to initiate whatever interaction occurred between them, thereby making the first few awkward days of the process a bit more comfortable for all of them. She was nervous just sitting here in the kitchen, across the table from him, still concerned that she might inadvertently do something that could make him overly uncomfortable and possibly send him running home. In fact, she'd spent her morning thinking of nothing else along with the information Alice had provided. Deep down she wanted nothing more than to help Edward in any way she could. If he needed a friend, she wanted to be that friend.

After taking a brief moment to get her own feelings in order, she silently resolved to do whatever she needed to in order to make this work, not only for Alice but for Edward as well. She didn't know just yet what it was he really needed, but there was something about him that she just couldn't ignore. Plus, the distress she'd seen in every aspect of Edward's posture, as he sat quietly at the table with the two of them that night was heartbreaking.

After dinner Edward had insisted he be allowed to clean up since Alice had done the cooking. Of course his offer had been nowhere near as eloquent. He simply grunted an "I got this," taking the dinner plates off of his sister's hands, already on his way to the sink.  
Once Edward had become otherwise occupied, Alice snagged Bella and went into the other room, hoping to explain her reasoning a bit more clearly, without the extra stress of her brother hearing them discuss this.

"It's fine Alice, I was just a little overwhelmed." Bella explained.  
She didn't want to hear her friend beg, or fuss, or even list the whole slew of reasons that this was for the best that she was sure she'd already formulated.  
"After everything we talked about this morning I was just so surprised that you would suggest something like that—that he would agree to something like this."

"Well you're right in thinking that this is a bit of a stretch for him and it did take a bit of convincing, but Edward is willing to try and I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. You should have seen how excited Mom and Dad got over the idea. The last time that Edward was in town it was only for like three days and that was almost two years ago now. I always felt like it was because he's so limited with where he can stay comfortably while he's here. This seemed to provide the perfect solution."

Alice didn't need to say anything more, Bella was onboard and willing to do her part, which in her mind meant being as inconspicuous as possible until Edward indicated he was okay with her being around.

So the next day she made a point of getting up early and spent the majority of her time at the office, hiding in her cubical. She hated doing work that she could easily take care of at home within the confines of an office building. There were too many distractions and the likelihood of someone coming by that felt the need to strike up meaningless conversation was too high. But she would suffer through for Edward's sake. She only hoped that her efforts were being appreciated. And as soon as they were able to reach some sort of comfort level with this arrangement, Bella would go back to her normal schedule—only going in to the office to pick up and drop off material as needed and hand in her finished products.

On the third day however, she had finally had enough. That vile little creature, known as Mike Newton had been lurking around ever corner today. It seemed like there was no escape from his less than innocent flirtations over the past two days, things getting progressively worse as time went on. Being polite only encouraged him, but being rude and standoffish did nothing to dissuade him either. The man just couldn't seem to take no for an answer. Feeling extremely disgusted and terribly uncomfortable by lunchtime, Bella had packed up her things and the next week's worth of work before making her way home.

After such a trying morning Bella was in no mood to over think the situation that possibly awaited her back at the house, but she couldn't help but worry about where Edward was right now and what he might be doing. She'd hate to come barging in unannounced and disturb him. Alice was away at work today and Bella had no idea what, if any sort of routine Edward might have developed over the past few days. She felt sure that her obvious absence might have allowed him some measure of comfort so that he could feel relaxed and enjoy some quiet time during the day.

Sighing heavily as she navigated midday traffic she pulled out her cell and phoned Alice, unsure of what else to do.

"Waddup, Dawg?"

"Alice, as amusing as that is, a 300lbs African American man you will never be." Bella shook her head.

"Aw, you know it made you smile." Alice giggled.

"Sure, sure. Listen, I had to leave work early today and I was wondering if you'd heard from Edward and knew if he had any plans or whatever, you know that I might need to be aware of."

"Oh Bella you're so funny. Edward? Plans? That's hilarious." Alice teased.

"Alice." Bella reprimanded in a stern voice. "Don't pick on your brother that way. You never know, maybe he…" Bella wasn't sure what she was going to say but she didn't like the way that had sounded at all. Edward could be doing anything. Alice had no way of knowing whether he might have gone for a walk, or a drive—hell, he might have decided to go visit his mother. To assume that a grown man would spend his entire visit to the town he'd grown up in, sitting upstairs in his sister's bedroom, just because he was shy was absurd.

"Sorry, Bella. I know that sounds rude, but Edward isn't one for doing much of anything that involves going some place and if he's not actively working he'll usually just find something to do like read or watch TV. Chances are, after sleeping on the sofa for the past few nights, he could very well still be in bed."

"Okay. I just thought I'd check. I've been out of the house and haven't even seen him in the past couple of days so I didn't want to show up and make anyone uncomfortable." Bella explained.

"Honey, that is _your_ house. He's the guest there and he knows you live there. There really is no need to tiptoe around him so much." Alice encouraged. She knew that Bella was trying her best to stay away and avoid getting to know Edward for her own reasons. She also knew that Edward would never be the one to invite Bella to be herself and just relax, but she was determined to get those two talking at some point if it was the last thing she'd ever do.

Dinner that first night had been awkward and then some, and the next night she and Edward had just shared some pizza after moving some of her things over to the apartment, as Bella had called to say she'd be coming home late from work.  
Tonight however would be a different story if Alice got her way.

After ending the call with Alice, Bella decided to just suck it up and made her way home. Even if Edward were up and about, she would just politely say hello and make her way downstairs, easy enough.

With her key in hand she paused at the front door and took a deep breath. "He's just a man, nothing to be scared of," she reminded herself quietly.

Stepping cautiously in through the small gap in the doorway she'd allowed Bella looked around as if expecting some wild animal to jump out and attack her at a moments notice. After a quick once over she determined that the coast was clear and began to make her way into the kitchen. She'd run out of the office so fast, in hopes of avoiding any further confrontations with that little weasel of a man, that she'd skipped out on eating anything earlier.

"Oh, hey Edward." Bella jumped a little hearing him accidentally drop the knife he'd been using into the sink out of surprise when he'd heard her come in.

"I umm…didn't mean to startle you. I just came to grab a quick sandwich." She went on to explain.

He rubbed at his forehead a bit and looked down at the countertop, avoiding eye contact, but managed to answer her with a very quiet, tentative "Okay."

Bella sighed with some relief. He hadn't run out of the room screaming and she'd actually been able to form a reasonably complete sentence. This might work after all.

Silence dominated as they both worked independently to finish their respective lunches. They managed to give each other a wide berth when passing, despite the confines of the kitchen, and neither one had the courage to look up and risk having to see the other one's expression. Finally finished and unable to take it any longer Bella decided to speak up.

"I'll be downstairs." Was all she could think to say as she gathered up her food and gave Edward a little half smile, hoping he would understand that she knew just how difficult this was for him.

When she glanced up she'd not been prepared to see him looking back at her, one hand balled into a fist and the other nervously worrying at the last button on the bottom of his shirt.

"T-thank you, Bella." He stuttered a bit and swallowed audibly, looking at anything other than the girl in front of him as he spoke.

She hadn't expected the sound of her name coming from him to be so magical. Bella was struck dumb for a minute just reliving the fact that he'd said something to her—anything, her name even.

Blinking herself back to reality she understood that she should respond and then leave him be. Fortunately it had only been a matter of seconds and she was able to recover without seeming too befuddled.

"If there's anything you need, you know where to find me." She bowed her head slightly and adjusted her glasses before turning to leave.

She didn't have any idea where that had come from but she felt a huge sense of accomplishment suddenly.  
If she could just get him to acknowledge her, invite her to speak, perhaps they could make it through this time together.

Edward sat heavily in the chair at their kitchen table that had somehow become _his_ over the past few days. He took his glasses off and tossed them on the tabletop before rubbing both hands over his face repeatedly.  
He mentally berated himself for a few minutes, his appetite gone for the moment, while he replayed the whole exchange that had taken place just before.

Why was this so hard? He really wanted to talk to her, to get to know her. And there she was looking so beautiful, standing right in front of him and all he could do was mutter a few meaningless words, a simple thank you for…well, everything.

She'd been hiding from him for the past few days and he knew it. She was always busy and never around, just like Alice had promised she would be, but it didn't make any sense for her to always be gone from her home.  
He felt guilty for that, if he weren't here perhaps she would be able to sleep in and go to work only if she needed to. Alice had already explained her job to him a bit yesterday, as they moved some of her things over to the apartment. He knew that she worked from home most days, but for some reason she'd gone into the office for the past few days. He felt sure that it was because of him.

As much as he wanted to run up to Alice's room and hide himself away he just couldn't make himself do so right now. He'd been upstairs all morning and he was tired of lying in bed.  
His sleep had been restless the night before which he couldn't explain very well, so he'd stayed in bed a long time today, trying to make up for it, but that had been a hopeless venture. He instead lay there for hours, just thinking. He'd been traveling for a full day and a half before his arrival a few days ago and he knew that he was completely worn out, but that only went so far in explaining why his first two nights spend on the sofa had been so peaceful and refreshing. The couch may have been an overpriced, designer piece of furniture, no doubt something his mother had picked out for them, but it was far from comfortable. It was just average sized and he was much too tall to be able to stretch out properly and the fabric felt stiff underneath him. He had his answer immediately, but had stubbornly refused to accept it. He was a genius after all, he could riddle out almost any mystery. In this case however, he was reluctant to accept the obvious conclusion. It was Bella—or Bella's blanket more specifically.

It seemed to hold her scent—a mixture of sweet, clean femininity and something light and floral smelling. At first he'd assumed that it was just the pleasant smell one could likely associate with any female dominated house, such a drastic contrast to the rustic, woodsy smell of his own home. That is what he thought at least, until he'd stumbled across Bella taking her mid-afternoon nap that day, snuggled so happily down in the warmth of that very same blanket. He realized then that this was not a scent he'd ever been able to associate with his sister, this was something entirely Bella.

The next night he'd happily accepted the blanket when Alice offered it to him before saying goodnight; he wondered briefly if the smell would still be as enticing as he remembered, but it was in fact even better. Not only was her scent just as prominent as ever, but he was also able to detect a hint of something else—something familiar. It was the smell of his own scent, left from the night before, mixing with hers. It was a combination that he found truly intoxicating.

As frightening as this discovery had been it was comforting nonetheless. He wondered if this wasn't some sort of sign—the idea that their very essences seemed to mix so pleasantly might mean that they were compatible on some unknown chemical level at the very least.

His musings that night had been short-lived, as the warmth of her blanket and the pleasant aroma surrounded him had forced him to sleep. It quickly became the most restful night he'd enjoyed in many years.

Embarrassed by his thoughts this morning as he lay awake suffering through his insomnia, Edward had contemplated going down to the living room to retrieve the blanket and test his theory, fearing that he may have somehow become dependent on it in such a short period of time. He'd talked himself out of it though, afraid that someone might come home unexpectedly and discover him wrapped up in his_ security_ blanket like a scared little boy and think him crazy for it. It wasn't really the blanket after all that he was wanting—it was Bella.

While he sat contemplating the situation he was pulled from his thoughts by an abrupt knock at the door. His whole body jerked and then he froze, having no idea what to do.  
His instinct told him to run upstairs and act as though he hadn't heard it. He hoped that Bella had, and that she would come up and answer it instead, but that would mean he'd be seeing her again and he wasn't sure if that was a good idea just yet.

He waited nervously wondering if they would knock again, or maybe just go away since they hadn't been greeted yet. He hadn't heard any movement from downstairs to indicate that Bella might be coming back up, which mildly disappointed him, but he was also relieved that he didn't hear any further indication that someone was waiting at the front door either.

Cautiously he made his way into the living room and moving slowly he went towards the door. Through the narrow window, left of the doorway he could see a delivery driver, stacking box after box on the front porch. Of course it would have to be the outrageously huge, new wardrobe arriving that his sister had insisted upon buying him. Didn't she realize that he drove a Volvo—not the largest of cars on the road? How she thought he'd ever be able to carry all of these things back home with him when he left he'd never know.

Deciding to leave well enough alone he went back to the kitchen and grabbed up his sandwich before heading upstairs so that the delivery man could finish up and be on his way. If the guy insisted on a signature or something he'd leave it for Bella to take care of, pretending that he had been up here all along and didn't know that anything had arrived. It was a coward's way out for sure, but it was the best that he could do. After a few minutes, if he didn't hear the door again, he'd go on downstairs and start bringing everything inside.

He waited impatiently, pacing back and forth as he ate. When Edward hadn't heard anything else over the next ten minutes and he was finally finished with his lunch, he decided that it was probably safe to go back down and begin bringing in the boxes, happy that at least now he'd have something to occupy his time for the next few hours.

Sure enough a few hours would be the minimum amount of time he'd have to devote to this project.  
He knew that he'd been distracted that morning and perhaps a little upset even but he was having the hardest time figuring out how Alice had managed to buy so much in such a short period of time. There were easily some forty boxes, of all shapes and sizes stacked into three neatly arranged piles, awaiting him when he'd opened the front door finally. He tested the weight of the first few atop the nearest stack and read a few of the shipping labels. It would seem that she was able to shop even more efficiently online than she was when actually in a store and Edward groaned aloud realizing that it was because she didn't have to wait for him to try anything on this way.

For the first time in three days he was suddenly glad that his sister had left him here with Bella and had not insisted on staying with him instead. The thought of Bella gave him an idea. It was way outside of his comfort zone and he almost dismissed the plan before he could even consider it, but he remembered the terrible feelings of disappointment he'd had just a while ago after he'd missed such an easy opportunity to speak with her.

She did invite him to come to her if he needed anything, in a manner of speaking, when she'd said she would be downstairs. Now all he had to do was convince himself that he could actually do this.

He closed the front door again leaving everything as it was and went to the top of the stairs that would lead him down to her. He stood there for only a brief moment, knowing that he couldn't wait so long that he'd have time to talk himself out of this, before slowly taking that first step.

He'd not seen this part of the house at all, having stayed only on the ground floor or up in Alice's room the entire time he'd been here, not wanting to invade her privacy or anything. So as he got closer, he realized there was a small space at the bottom of the stairs and two doors, situated across from one another. The one to the left was slightly ajar and dark on the other side. The one on the right was closed and he could see light coming from the gap at the bottom. Taking his chances he raised his hand and knocked lightly on the door to the right without hesitation.

"Yes?" he heard a muffled response almost immediately.

Clearing his throat, not having really thought things through as thoroughly as he would have liked Edward leaned into the door preparing to speak.

"Bella…" the door swung open to revile Bella standing there with a look of surprise and what he thought might be delight shining in her eyes, which were currently not hidden behind her glasses, he was quick to note.

She'd changed out of her work clothes into something a bit more comfortable. Earlier she'd been in a pair of charcoal colored slacks and a tailored blouse that Edward thought was the most beautiful shade of blue; but now she wore a pair of black yoga pants with a matching zip-up hoodie. Her hair was down and it was obvious this was her preferred look, as she appeared far more comfortable now and perhaps even more beautiful.

"Hey there, did you need something?" Bella asked making Edward finally realize that he was just standing there looking at her. The smile on her face put him at ease but he was still unable to find his voice, so he just nodded to answer.

Bella was literally beaming at him so Edward, trying desperately to ignore the overwhelming scent swirling around him as he stood just inches from the very source, closed his eyes and pulled repetitively at his shirt collar, trying to pretend that Bella was much like his sister. He could talk easily with Alice, why should Bella any different?

"Are you busy?" he asked quietly.

"Nope." Bella responded right away, a smile in her voice.

"I was wondering…umm…could you give me a hand with some stuff Alice had delivered?" He opened his eyes tentatively and saw her nodding quickly.

"Let me just grab some shoes and I'll be right up." She promised retreating back into her room.

"Well now you've done it Cullen, hope you're happy." He quietly shook his head as he turned to go back up the stairs, his stomach flip-flopping out of control the entire way.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'm really starting to have fun with this one, I hope you guys are too! ;) Thanks for reading.

Chapter 5

Not knowing what else to do with herself, Bella had gone downstairs to gather her thoughts and essentially hide for a few minutes, since her heart was pounding and she couldn't seem to get it under control.  
She often had this type of reaction when faced with a situation she didn't exactly find comfortable, but there was something different about the way that Edward made her feel and she couldn't quite put her finger on it.  
She decided that for now she would change into something more comfortable and perhaps spend a little time reading—her racing mind being in desperate need of a distraction.

She pulled out her favorite comfy clothes, went into the bathroom, set her glasses aside and spent a moment washing the subtle bit of makeup she'd put on this morning off.  
She rarely wore any makeup and when she did it was minimal at best, so she wasn't really use to it. Washing her face after having it on for any period of time always made her feel better—more relaxed.  
After lightly patting a towel over her face and running her fingers through her hair a few times to loosen any tangles she decided that she was feeling much better.

It wasn't as though she felt _bad_ before, just a little out of sorts. Being around Edward certainly put her on edge, but it was still a thrilling sensation, much like the feeling one might have while standing in line before getting on a roller coaster—an odd mix of nerves and excitement. She couldn't wait to see what he would do and how he would react, perhaps what he might say; yet she was terrified that he might seem frightened or uncertain in her presence.  
What if he didn't like her or want her around? The thought of him not accepting her offer of friendship was something beyond disappointing.

Bella finished dressing while she made a few sold decisions. She would continue to give Edward a bit of time and space to get use to this, but if he indicated in any way that he desired her company or wished to speak with her then she would make herself more than available—her own sense of shyness be damned.

Having just emerged from the bathroom, comfortably dresses and feeling far more confident, Bella was immediately pulled back to reality by a light knock at her door.

"Yes?" she answered instantly out of reflex.

Who could it be? She wondered, again out of reflex, though she knew the answer with all certainty.

She was only steps away from the door so before she could change her mind she closed the distance and opened it with a bright smile, not wanting to talk to him through any sort of barrier.

She couldn't believe her luck. Only moments after promising herself that she would stop hiding and make herself more available to him should he desire her company, and here he was, knocking at her door.  
He was indeed standing there, a shy, uncertain look upon his face.

He was adorable she decided, her smile growing even brighter at the thought.  
He was such a mystery. Here before her stood a man who was tall and ruggedly handsome. He had beautiful features at would make any woman stop and pay attention, if for no other reason than to look into those gorgeous eyes for just a moment. She could tell he was physically strong and capable—someone that would make a woman feel safe and protected, and yet his demeanor was at odds with everything his overall appearance suggested. His expression was guarded and bashful instead of confident as one might expect it to be.

"Hey there, did you need something?" she finally asked remembering that she would need to help push him along a little.

He nodded his head, just like a little boy who was unsure of exactly how to ask for what he wanted might, seemingly too nervous to speak and fearful of rejection.

Bella tried to appear open and willing to do whatever he needed, and she was rewarded by his gentle voice asking if she was busy.

Clearly he needed something so Bella eagerly made herself available, just like she'd said she would.

Noticing that he'd closed his eyes, perhaps to make speaking with her a bit easier, Bella took a moment to observe him a bit more closely.  
She got only so far as watching his hand come up to his neck and seeing his long tapered fingers begin to fiddle with his shirt collar before he spoke, distracting her with more words than she'd heard him utter the entire time that she'd been around him.

She nodded quickly to his request and went on to add that she needed some shoes but would be right up to help him out before turning her back to him.

She needed a moment.

No matter how determined she was to make this work, she couldn't deny that this was far beyond what she was use to. She could feel the color spreading across her cheeks, radiating down the back of her neck. She glanced over her shoulder and took a calming breath when she noticed that he'd already gone back up the stairs. She then placed her icy palms against the warmth of her face hoping to cool her heated skin.

Maybe if she could avoid looking directly at him this would be easier?

She had been pleasantly surprised that the stubble, she'd seen covering his strong angular jaw that first morning they'd met, seemed to have returned over the past few days that that she'd not seen him. She'd noticed when they were having supper together the other night that he'd taken the time to shave at some point, but she didn't realize just how much that had disappointed her until she'd seen him today. She was going to have to be careful. If she had not made herself turn away and go off in search of her shoes instead, she might well have involuntarily reached out to caress his cheek—dying to find out for her self just how wonderful it would feel against her hand.

It was too soon however, she knew that anything other than a few carefully chosen words would be well outside of his comfort zone just yet. At this point she was convinced that she wanted him to stay for as long as he was willing, so she was not going to allow herself to do anything that might make him any more nervous around her than he already was.

With her favorite Chucks now in place, though she had no recollection of actually finding or putting them on, she rushed out of her room and hastily climbed the stairs.

Not the best plan she'd ever had.

She actually made it all the way to the top but as she went to slow herself on the last few steps her shoe caught the edge of the landing and sent her falling face first onto the floor with a muted thud before she could right herself.

Edward had been waiting patiently at the front door, while attempting a little internal pep talk of his own. This had been his idea after all. He wanted to see Bella again and he wanted more than anything to avoid the night from hell that awaited him once Alice got home from work, to find forty odd boxes of clothing waiting to be unpacked and god help him tried on. So this was the best of both worlds. All he had to do was get Bella to help him open all of the packages and agree that she'd seen him try on a few things so that hopefully Alice would be satisfied.  
Maybe she'd even be convinced that he was trying to come out of his shell and make nice with her friends for a change, which would be even more beneficial for him in the long run.

He was pleased with the open and friendly attitude that Bella seemed to have, it would certainly make things easier for him. And he couldn't deny that the past couple of days had been much easier to get through than he would have imagined, the fact that she'd allowed him the time alone to acclimate being much appreciated.

So now it was his turn to try. He needed to do this almost as much as he wanted to do it. It had been a long time since he'd been presented with any sort of challenge and Bella was, in his mind, well worth the effort.

He chuckled a bit; feeling the threads that were holding the button that he was busy mauling between his thumb and forefinger begin to give way. His unconscious thought had been, 'thank goodness for all of these new clothes, because the ones that I'm wearing right now don't seem to be holding up too well with Bella around.' But before he could really see the humor in it for himself he was surprised by the sound of feet scampering up the stairs followed by a squeak and a thud.  
He turned just in time to see Bella pick herself up off of the floor and attempt to straighten her self. That delightful shade of pink that was so often coloring her cheeks beginning to spread once again.

"Sorry, I tend to be a little clumsy when I rush." She explained shyly, tucking her hair behind her ears while the color started to fade slightly.

"Are you alright?" he asked.  
He didn't want to draw attention to her little spill, knowing how embarrassed he would be had it been him, but he couldn't help his need to make sure she was okay. Belatedly he noticed that he hadn't even taken the time to think before speaking.

"Yep. Fine. Unfortunately it happens a lot." She grinned.

Now standing next to him at the front door Bella waited for him to explain further what exactly it was that he needed from her, but he was too busy rethinking his plan.  
If she was that clumsy, he certainly didn't want her carrying boxes up the stairs. He wasn't even sure if he should ask her to handle a sharp enough implement to help open the boxes all of a sudden, since he'd never be able to forgive himself if she got hurt because of anything he might ask her to do.

"So Alice went a little crazy with the shopping again, huh?" Bella asked.  
She wasn't sure why Edward had such a pained look just now, but she was determined to see this through, whatever it was he had in mind.

"Ah, yeah. I umm, I…" Edward started to tell her that he'd misjudged the number of boxes, but felt sure he could handle them on his own. Then he remembered that he needed her to tell Alice that he'd already tried them on to save him from the torture of doing so later. Plus there was the fact that his heart was flipping around in his chest so fast that he began to fear he'd have a heart attack at any moment with her so near.

"Well lets get these things inside at least, then we can open a bunch of them so that Alice won't drive us both crazy when she gets here, pretending like it's Christmas, wanting to take pictures or something while you open them all." Bella chuckled.  
She'd had to do that crap once before and there was no way in hell she was going to allow Edward to be subjected to the kind of circus that it would no doubt turn in to.

She was just guessing of course, but Alice had assured her the she and Edward were a lot alike. He'd been standing there looking lost, struggling for the words, so she quickly took in the scene and made an educated guess as to what it was that he needed. With the appearance of that crooked little smile gracing his lips she was reasonably comfortable in assuming that she'd been pretty close.

Edward had never had such an intense urge to hug a woman—ever. But when Bella took the words right out of his mouth he could think of nothing else, and that cute little giggle of hers only made it more difficult to ignore. She'd made things so much easier.

"I'll umm…bring them in," he hesitantly stopped her when she made to walk past him, "if you'll ahh…go ahead and maybe start opening a few?"

"Sure." Bella smiled turning towards the kitchen to see if they had a box cutter or some scissors lying around, pleased that he seemed to be on board with her idea of helping after all, regardless of the hesitation before.

When she returned to the living room she saw that Edward had managed to bring in several packages by then. He had them stacked in to more manageable piles now, of maybe five or so and they were situated near the sofa so that she could sit there as she opened them.

She picked up the nearest box and saw that it was from Macy's in New York.

"What the hell, Alice?" she muttered.

Didn't she know that there were other Macy's stores? She didn't really have to have whatever this was shipped cross-country for pete's sake. She was hoping that maybe Macy's distribution center was in New York by chance. She didn't know for sure but she would feel better about it if that were the case anyway.

Trying to get past that, she carefully popped the tape at either end of the parcel before she looked up and noticed Edward approach with another tall stack of boxes. His shirtsleeves were cuffed up to his elbows despite the cool temperatures outside and she could see the muscles in his forearms strain under the weight of his load. She noticed once again the dark hair that covered his arms and the way his hands gently held on to the burden he carried.

She'd never really paid much attention to any specific part of a man's anatomy besides their overall appearance before, but with Edward she was quickly learning to appreciate every little detail.

"Wow, Alice must have decided that you didn't have _anything_." She mentioned without thinking, just wanting to say something to acknowledge his presence.

He grinned for her again, which made her smile in return before turning away to go get some more. He paused though after a brief second and turned back to her.

"Be careful, okay." He told her, nodding towards the small blade she held in her hand.

She nodded as well and smiled, knowing exactly what he meant.

And so it went on for the next several minutes, with Edward continuing to make trips out to the porch until all of the boxes were in the living room, while Bella sat opening everything and laying out the contents neatly on the sofa.

Despite the efforts they'd made to keep the process organized they still had quite a mess to contend with after a while.

"So, see anything you like?" Bella asked after a bit, hidden behind a stack of empty boxes as she tried to clean up some of the packing paper scattered near her feet.

Edward had been doing basically the same thing from his position across the room and had been taken off guard by her question.

"Uhh…It's umm, all pretty nice." He answered scratching at the back of his neck, finally getting past the potential innuendo hidden within the question.

He finally stood to his full height and stretched his back a bit as he surveyed the mess that they'd made of the place.

"Wonder if we could leave all of this for Alice to clean up, since it's basically her fault?" Bella giggled, which made Edward smile.  
She'd done it again. Not only could this girl pretty much read his thoughts, but he couldn't ever recall smiling so much. It was all because of her and he really liked that.

"That's just what I was thinking." He decided to share.

Bella winked at him, enjoying the sudden look of surprise that took over his expression.  
She'd never attempted to flirt with anyone before, and certainly never anyone as shy as Edward, so she wasn't sure just how far she should go. However, he'd been relatively relaxed for the past hour or so, and it was almost as though she couldn't seem to help herself any longer.

"Bella?" Edward's quiet voice questioned her then.

"Hmm?" she responded curiously.  
He'd been happy to answer her questions and comment on thoughts that she'd shared, but he still seemed rather awkward when speaking with her. She was a little surprised, but very pleased that he was initiating some of the limited conversation finally.

"You don't have to or anything but I was wondering…" Edward paused looking around at the mess of clothes and packaging materials that surrounded them, his right hand twisting into the hem of his flannel shirt, "would you maybe be willing to say that I'd already tried on a bunch of this stuff?"

"I was planning on it anyway." Bella agreed with a knowing smile. "Why don't you try breaking down these boxes a bit more. We can throw them into the back of my truck and I'll run them up to the recycle center in a little while. While you do that, I'll go ahead and take some of the clothes up stairs and unfold them so they'll look like you've already tried them out."

He nodded his thanks.

As it turned out both of them were very efficient and thorough, so once their individual projects were underway neither was willing to stop until everything had been completed, letting Alice off the hook after all.

Bella had been pleasantly surprised, when she'd come downstairs for the last heap of clothes, to find that Edward was picking up the few remaining scraps of paper, having already loaded everything into her truck.

"Since it's still daylight out I guess I'll go ahead and run this stuff up to the center." She decided when Edward had come back inside.

"Do they…? Will someone unload the truck for you?" he asked her.

"No, it's an unmanned facility; you just drop stuff off into these big dumpster-like things." Bella shrugged not really thinking anything of it.

Edward ran a hand through his hair and tugged a bit at the ends. He didn't like the idea of Bella having to do all of that work by herself. It was just a bunch of cardboard boxes but he still felt like this was something he should take care of. After all if it weren't for him, or Alice more accurately, there wouldn't be any boxes to deal with in the first place.

He hated how uncomfortable he was when faced with going out any place, otherwise he'd offer to go and take them himself.  
He'd grown up in this town—with a few simple directions he was sure that he could find it. She had already said it was unmanned, which meant at least he wouldn't have to speak to anyone once he'd gotten there. But the problem was, there was no way he'd be getting all of those boxes into his car. The back of her old pickup truck was practically full as if was and he certainly wasn't comfortable enough to ask permission to drive anyone else's vehicle.

"Could I ride with you? I wouldn't want you to have to unload everything by yourself." He told her his only other option.

He was afraid of a lot of things, but over the past few hours together he'd decided that Bella was no longer one of them. He wouldn't call it comfortable just yet, but he was more frightened of leaving her to take care of those boxes alone and possibly hurt herself than he was of spending a little more time with her, even if it was within the confines of an ancient red Chevy.

"Sure. That would be great actually."  
She was surprised by his offer, but she'd learned that any hesitation on her part would only fuel his uncertainty, so she was quick to agree.

"Let me just find my keys and well go ahead and be done with it." She promised.

A short time later Alice had finally been able to escape from work. She'd been hoping and planning all day to sneak out of there early in order to go home and play instigator between Edward and Bella tonight. Little did she realize that the past few days had been particularly busy, since she'd taken some time off to help Edward get settled in and herself situated in the new apartment, which meant she had more work than usual ahead of her.

The store was once again fully stocked and she'd made arrangements for regular shipments to come in on a more frequent basis, now that she had a better understanding of which items appeared to be more popular than others. She would have never dreamed that her job as a buyer could be so taxing at times, but today had proven her wrong.  
Never one to dwell on anything stressful for very long however, she soon set her sights on home and began making plans for what she might do to get Edward and Bella, at the very least, into the same room this evening.

She was disappointed when she pulled her little yellow convertible into the driveway though, noticing that Bella's truck was missing. It would seem that she'd chickened out after all and found some place else to be today even though she wasn't working. Or worse, perhaps she had come home and Edward had done something to make her so uncomfortable that she'd felt the need to leave.

Sighing heavily she climbed out of the car and went to let herself in. At least Edward's car was still here—meaning he hadn't run off. And maybe that was good; she could have a few minutes to talk to him and see if Bella had even come by today, make sure he knew that she was worried about her not being home very much, before she had to deal with them both.

She missed Jasper right now. She knew that his research trips were important and she'd never ask him to stay home for her sake, but he just made dealing with things so much easier. He was one of the only people she'd ever introduced to Edward that he seemed to genuinely like right from the start. Edward said that Jasper was very calming, and right now Alice needed some calm.

"Edward, I'm home." She sang happily, never willing to let her brother see her frustrated, fearful that it would make him worry unnecessarily.

She received no answer.

"Edward?" she tried again going to the bottom of the stairs.

Still no answer, so she decided to go to the kitchen for a glass of wine, before going up to beat the crap out of him.

When she made it to the fridge however, she saw taped to the front of it a message.

_Alice,_

_We've gone to get rid of all the boxes that your  
__over zealous shopping venture managed to dump on our front porch this afternoon._

_We'll be back soon,  
__XOXO  
__Bella and Edward_

"Holy shit!" Alice exclaimed, unable to believe it.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry this one took a bit longer to get posted, all of the post-holiday mess caught up with me all at once…but we should be back on track now.  
(Just a lil reminder about my disclaimer, since there are lots of name brand references in this chapter, I own nothing!)  
Thanks for continuing to read!

Chapter 6

"Yes! And I've been home for ten minutes already and they're still not back yet." Alice was practically vibrating in her excitement as she relayed her latest discovery over the phone to her mother. "I'm telling you Mom, this is huge! I know for a fact that Bella hasn't been around much over the past few days, so for him to agree to go anywhere with her is like he's basically taken off with a stranger."

She was pacing the floor while listening to her mother go on for a moment about what a wonderful girl Bella was and how she was so pleased that Edward might have taken a liking to someone so kind and intelligent, someone with whom he could truly connect, when she heard the unmistakable sound of Bella's truck rumble to a stop outside.

"Oh my god, Mom, I think they're back, I'll have to call you again later, bye."  
She said the whole sentence so fast that the words all ran together and she wasn't even sure she'd finished talking before she pressed the button to end the call. She would call her mother back later to update her on any new progress, but now was not the time to think about that. She needed to calm down and act natural. But who was she kidding, this _was_ natural—for her at least.  
She just couldn't help it though, this was exactly what she'd been hoping for; but she had mistakenly been under the impression, when the idea had come to her, that she'd have a little more time to prepare for the excitement that success would bring.  
She was an energetic person, yet even she would have trouble sustaining this level of enthusiasm for any extended period of time.

Once again she thought of Jasper and wished that he was here to help her deal with everything, because Alice was truly beginning to wonder if it were physically possible to experience every human emotion within such a short period of time, and more importantly was it safe to do so?

She had been so frustrated when she had been unable to leave work as she had planned earlier in the day, and that feeling had only been compounded when she'd finally arrived home to find Bella missing. Then, as if her level of frustration hadn't been bad enough, she'd begun to get worried as well.

When she found that Edward was either ignoring her or possibly missing along with Bella, she was suddenly unsure of what to do.  
If he was intentionally ignoring her then most likely something had happened. He would be upset with her if this situation with Bella turned out to be too awkward, but she'd known this all along and it was risk she'd been willing to take. She'd still been worried though, not knowing what might have happened just yet. Fortunately, before she could even get around to analyzing where he could possibly be if he were not upstairs, especially with his car still parked out front, she'd seen the note.

And it changed everything.

Her frustration and worry instantly melted away and the feeling that she was about to become mad, since things didn't seem to be going her way, evaporated. All other emotions were replaced by excitement and a heavy measure of disbelief.  
This was indeed what she'd wanted to happen, but she never expected for things to progress so quickly and seemingly without much help from any outside source—namely her self. It was with each passing thought that she'd begun to feel something that she never would have expected.

Alice was suddenly upset that this was so much easier than she imagined it would be. Despite her excitement she began to wonder why. Why had she and her parents been made to suffer all of these years, watching Edward run and hide, and insist that he couldn't or wouldn't break out of this shell that he chosen to live within? His options and opportunities were so limited by his own issues, when for all intents and purposes, considering his gifts, he should have the world at his feet. Yet it would seem that just a few short hours alone with Bella was all it took for things to change.

It was at that moment that she'd decided to call home and talk things through with Esme, before she might allow her thoughts to get out of hand. She knew that it was foolish to suddenly feel—_jealous_ of all things, that Bella, her best friend, would be able to help Edward so easily, when she'd been trying to reach him for her entire life.  
So much like any negative mood she might be prone to, these negative emotions were short lived—as long as he was making progress and learning to overcome some of his shyness it was all for the best, regardless of the reason he might feel compelled to do so. This was her idea after all—the faster it came to fruition the better.

She'd also realized while talking with her mother that she was really counting on Bella to be the one—not only the one that would take hold of the reigns and get this _friendship_ with Edward off the ground, but also the one to ultimately pull him into the land of the living. She was the one that could make him really see what he was always voluntarily avoiding. She could be the one to finally make him happy.  
It was a lot to ask of her dear friend, but she was convinced that Bella could handle this. She was strong and so selfless that loving her was positively unavoidable—a fact that she dreamed might hold true even for one such as Edward.

Bella had never officially dated anyone, but Alice being her intuitive self, knew the type of man she was attracted to anyway. If she were looking for a way to label him, that type of man could be described simply as her _brother.  
_Edward was intelligent and artistic; he had a sarcastic sense of humor but a gentlemanly demeanor. He was quiet and often pensive, cautious while being adventurous in his own way.  
Physically, Edward was tall and lean, perhaps what one might consider, tall, dark and handsome—if it weren't for his often-unkempt appearance and the odd color of his hair, which couldn't necessarily be thought of as _dark_.

So, while her main goal was to see if she could instigate enough interaction between the two of them that her brother might feel the need to, at the very least talk to another person—someone he hadn't known forever and wasn't already comfortable being around, she couldn't deny some need to play matchmaker between two of her favorite people.

She'd seen it in her eyes that morning in the kitchen and again as they'd sat downstairs in her bedroom talking, Bella was interested in learning more about Edward, which Alice had been counting on. Then later in the day when she'd come across Edward standing there in the living room looking so lost and uncertain, she should have known then that her job would involve very little.

She'd experienced love at first sight for herself, when she'd first met Jasper. It was a powerful and all consuming feeling; she'd known right away what was happening between them, but she'd never witnessed such a phenomenon take place from the outside looking in. In retrospect she should have seen the signs right away. Bella and Edward were meant to be and her involvement, whatever that might entail, would be of little consequence.  
A bright smile plastered itself across her face when it suddenly occurred to her that if she didn't have to work and plan so much she could just sit back and enjoy the ride instead. This was indeed a welcomed surprise.

While Alice was still trying to get her self under control, so that she wouldn't give away the massive meltdown she'd been on the verge of earlier or the happy conclusions she'd just been able to reach, Edward was cautiously escorting Bella back to the house.  
With Alice, the gentlemanly gestures that his father had worked so hard to instill in him came naturally. It was easy, comfortable. With Bella though it was a different story entirely.  
He wanted to take care of her and treat her like the lady that she was, but he was well aware that many women didn't expect or necessarily appreciate such things. They wanted to be more independent and self-sufficient. Something as simple as basic courtesy could so easily be misinterpreted by the recipient as an indication that someone saw them as being weak or incapable of doing for themselves. In this day and time, where women were not use to men being so thoughtful and protective, it was difficult to judge how a woman might react to such behavior. He didn't want to offend her, but he still wanted to treat her in a manner that would indicate on some level that he cared—that he was interested.

Their ride to the recycle center had been short and pleasantly silent. The atmosphere, after having spent the afternoon working together to unpack all of Alice's purchases, was tolerable. Not comfortable but definitely better than either of them would have expected. Bella hadn't known what to say and therefore she'd chosen to stay quiet, until Edward indicated some need for conversation. She was under the impression that he wasn't the type to speak unnecessarily and she was very right; so, it was only after they'd finished working together to empty the back of her truck and she'd given him an appreciative smile that Edward finally felt the need to break the silence.  
It was just a simple request, but one that Bella found very enlightening.

He wanted to talk to her, but he didn't know what to say, and if he were to speak he was fearful that his voice would betray just how nervous the thought of a simple conversation made him. He'd been looking for some way around this problem for some time when his eyes had finally landed on a possible solution—one that he was quite excited about.

The way his eyes lit up, just like a kid in a candy store, when she handed over the overstuffed bag of greasy goodness made her giggle with happiness.  
If a stop at McDonald's was all it took to bring Edward that level of excitement then Bella would be willing to stop by each and every day. But little did she know that he was so excited because this was a treat that he was never able to allow himself.

He loved the cheeseburgers and french fries, and all of the other wonderfully unhealthy things that they had to offer, but it had been years since he'd been able to enjoy them. Much like the internal struggle he had to endure in order to go to the movies, going out for a meal, even something as simple as fast food, was terribly difficult for him to accomplish. So, not only did he consider it a reasonable excuse to practice talking to her, but he was also looking forward to the experience of something he'd deprived himself of for so long.  
He remembered trips to this well-known chain restaurant from his childhood rather fondly. It was a place that his Mom liked to take he and Alice as a reward for various accomplishments.

He'd always loved it, because he just had to sit in the backseat of the car while his mother placed the order for whatever he wanted and within minutes it appeared. There was no face-to-face interaction with a waitress, or any other patrons sitting nearby to worry about. It was a simple way for him to enjoy food that was so different from the normal healthy meals that his mother and father would prepare for them at home, without the discomfort that usually accompanied an evening out to eat any place else.  
The only problem was that now, since he was older and on his own, he no longer had anyone to place the order for him, which made the easy, comfortable feeling he could associate with the place from his childhood no longer exist.  
It was when he realized that he did have Bella for the moment that he'd made up his mind.

"Maybe we should pick up something for supper?" he mentioned hesitantly, checking his watch before they got too close to his intended destination.

"That's a good idea actually. Since Alice cooked last it would be my turn now and I'm not feeling very creative tonight." Bella agreed, "Suggestions?"

"There's a uhh…McDonald's just there on the corner." Edward tugged on the sleeve of his jacket a bit, trying to find the courage to just ask for what he really wanted.  
He would be embarrassed for Bella to truly know the extent of his shyness, but he didn't want to lie about it either.

"I haven't had fast food in forever and I umm would really love a Big Mac and some fries right about now."

"Nice, lets do it."  
Bella reminded Edward of his sister for a moment when she clapped her hands in a very Alice-like fit. It made him smile and even relax a bit, since she was just so easy to be around. Every time he thought to ask her something she seemed to be so willing to accept his ideas, as if she were almost thinking the same thing. It was very comforting.

But here they were now. She'd let him do the majority of the heavy lifting as they'd unloaded the truck, she had accepted the handful of bills that he'd pulled from his wallet to pay for their dinner and she'd smiled pleasantly when he'd come around to open her door once she killed the engine after arriving back at the house. Now Edward was wondering what else to do.  
He wouldn't dream of offering her his arm, as he would with his mother, just yet and he wasn't sure if she'd feel weird handing over her keys to let him unlock the door as he would normally do for Alice. So as a compromise, he'd just let her walk ahead of him while he carried in the vast quantity of food he'd asked her to purchase for them.

"Hey Bella, Edward. Thanks for the note. I'm sorry I didn't get here earlier but work was so busy today." Alice assaulted them immediately.  
She went on to tell them all about her day and how she managed to handle each and every problem that arose with calm efficiency while Bella and Edward both headed towards the kitchen ignoring most of her babble.

Edward was thankful in that moment for his sister and her chatty personality. He preferred silence for sure, but he was happy for the distraction from his thoughts. If given the opportunity he was likely to drive himself completely mad, over thinking every little thing he wanted to do or say with Bella around. Alice provided a nice break from the tension that he felt.

Bella on the other hand wanted to laugh out loud at Alice's not so subtle avoidance of the topic at hand. She knew that Edward's volunteering to come with her today had been a huge step for him and she also knew that Alice was going to freak over this development. She was purposefully vague when writing the note she'd left behind so that Alice would have no way of knowing whether Bella had asked him to come along or if he'd offered to ride with her; all she would know was that they were out and they were together.  
When they got back she knew that she'd done the right thing, because it was way too much fun watching her poor friend try and fish for details, all the while trying not to appear too obvious.

Bella went straight to the fridge for drinks while Edward set the food out on the table.

"Is Coke alright with you Edward?" she asked just to make Alice squirm.  
She and Edward had already decided not to purchase sodas to go along with their food, knowing that there was a full case of Coke already waiting for them at home, but a little demonstration was still in order.

"Sure." She heard him answer from behind her.

It wasn't much but the conversation was innocent and easy—just enough to make Alice wonder what in the hell had happened over that past few hours to make her shy friend and ridiculously hopeless brother capable of such _normal_ interaction. With each other!

Bella asked Alice if she wanted a drink as well and she did almost laugh out loud when she heard Edward ask her again, after she'd failed to answer within a reasonable amount of time.

"Uh…yeah I guess a Coke would be good." Alice finally responded, taking her seat at the table, in awe of the quiet efficiency that Bella and Edward employed, working together to present their meal. Not a word passed between them and yet they still managed to work together comfortably, as if they'd been doing this sort of thing for years.

"So...?" Alice prompted once her brother and friend deemed the food ready to eat and both took their seats, either side of her, facing one another across the table.  
"What did you two get up to today?"

"Unpacked a ton of clothes." Edward mumbled around a mouthful of burger.

"And poor Edward spent most of the afternoon trying things on." Bella nodded, waiting for Alice to look down at her food before she gave Edward a little wink.

"Really?" Alice perked up again.

"Yep, then we went and got rid of all those boxes, before stopping off for this fabulous food. Good call on the Mickey D's by the way." Bella went on to say, giving Edward a bright smile before she shoveled another handful of fries into her mouth.  
Edward was smiling back at Bella around a mouth full of food that Alice quietly wondered how he was ever going to be able to swallow.

The vibe surrounding this table tonight was so different from the one that had been here just a few nights ago. It was still quiet and a little awkward, but so much more relaxed and friendly.

Alice had been thinking during any free moment she'd had today, trying to come up with a foolproof plan of action. She needed a way to get Edward and Bella to be around each other more. So far all she'd managed to do was force them to sit at a dinner table together for an hour or so, but if that first night had taught her anything it was that these two were both highly skilled in the area of avoidance tactics. It would seem that now, the purpose of all her planning was no longer necessary. It would take awhile, but it seemed as though they were on the right path already.

Feeling far more confident than she'd been earlier when she'd stopped off at the video store she figured it was now as good a time as any to present the plan she'd been thinking about for most of the day.  
She'd needed to find something that they would enjoy and both feel reasonably comfortable doing. With as limited as those options were she'd quickly decided that they would be having a movie night tonight.

Edward would never say no to watching a movie. It allowed him to sit quietly, not having to say anything or interact in any way for the better part of two hours.  
She never held his love of movies against him because even she could appreciate a break—movies being a nice little escape from reality for most people.

"So I was thinking that we might have a movie night tonight. I thought that we'd order some takeout, but since you guys already took care of dinner, what do you say to some popcorn and wine with the little scream-fest I picked up on the way home?" Alice offered.

_And…three, two, one…_

"Alice, you know I can't handle scary movies." Bella tried to make it sound like she wasn't panicked or whining, but you would have thought that she'd just told Bella that they were all going to jump off of the Space Needle at midnight—a reaction that Alice had seen on many occasions and the very same one that she was expecting tonight.

Edward's face was priceless in that moment and if Alice didn't already know just how much her brother loved her she'd be afraid for her life right about now.

"Relax, I didn't get anything scary; how mean do you think I am?" She chuckled. "Besides you've got Edward sleeping just up the stairs from you now. He wrestles mountain lions when he's not glued to his computer; you'd be more than safe from any crazy, psycho ax murderers with him around."

"Alice." Edward groaned, his voice full of warning and embarrassment.

"What?" she innocently teased.

"What did you get then, for real?" Bella changed the subject; something in his voice told Bella that Alice was taking this a bit too far for Edward's liking so she made the decision to redirect.

"I want you to know I love you both," she hedged for a moment longer, "so I went outside of my own comfort zone for the sake of you two geeks and got 'Spaceballs.'"

"Really?" they said in unison, with far more enthusiasm than Alice would have liked, but it was the reason she'd set her own personal preferences aside and had that poor kid dig through the stockroom until he'd been able to unearth the lone copy hiding within its depths.

Edward ducked his head slightly when he caught the fact that his little outburst might have been knew that the old Mel Brooks spoof was ridiculously corny and outdated, but it didn't stop him from loving it.  
Casting a wry glance in Bella's direction he noticed her blushing again, with a goofy looking little grin curling her lips.

"My point exactly." Alice confidently smirked.

"Why don't you pick out the wine Bella, while I do the dishes and make the popcorn. Edward, the movie's on the little table over by the door, if you could get it started for us?" Alice decided after a few minutes of silence had passed, everyone suddenly interested in finishing their food as quickly as possible.

"There aren't any dishes, Alice." Bella pointed out as she started collecting the now empty boxes and paper wrappers spread out on the table, once Edward had left to take care of his given task.

"Not my fault you guys decided to do fast food on my night to clean up." She responded happily.

"And I can't believe you rented 'Spaceballs', you're dying to embarrass me in front of your brother aren't you." Bella huffed, when Alice gestured that she should be busy picking out the wine instead of sitting there like a lump at the table while everyone else was busy.

"You know I can't stand that movie, but I think watching you and Edward watch each other watch it, will be more than entertaining."  
Bella gave her a quizzical look so Alice went on to explain.

"You two could start up a fan club. I swear the moment I realized that you actually enjoyed that movie as much as Edward does, I knew that you two would get along famously." Alice paused for a minute as she put a bag of popcorn into the microwave, "And for the record, thanks again for doing this Bella. He looks better today than I think he has in a long time. I don't think he's stopped smiling once—well, except for when he thought I'd gone and done something to upset you that is." She winked.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hey folks! Here's the next lil chapter for you all. Lots of twists and turns that even I didn't expect, which is what I love about writing. I get to figure this thing out right along with everyone else. Hope you like where my poor little mind seems to be taking us.

Chapter 7

She never would have imagined that this would be so fun. Because if Alice would have known that getting Edward and Bella together would be this enjoyable she would have insisted on doing so years ago. Had she known then perhaps instead of hauling Bella off to Cancun for spring break their junior year, they might have been taking a road trip to visit Edward.  
She knew that her brother valued his privacy far too much, but this type of interruption to his life would have been more than worth it.

Within a matter of moments she had deemed movie night a resounding success.  
Just watching Bella sit down so carefully in her favorite chair, which was situated by the far end of the sofa where Edward just so happened to be seated, was absolutely priceless.  
Alice, ever the quick thinker, had strategically placed herself on the other end of the sofa before anyone else could dictate the seating arrangements. This vantage point not only allowed her a good view of both the TV and her companions for the evening, but it also forced Edward and Bella to sit much closer to one another than they would have had to in any other circumstance.

They smiled a lot, giggled a little and coughed occasionally, but neither was willing to laugh outright and the ridiculous comedy they'd watched, what Alice figured was likely a couple hundred times between the two of them.  
All in all it was very amusing.  
Even better though, was getting to watch the subtle interactions that they both subconsciously took part in; such as, passing the popcorn bowl back and forth, or Edward refilling Bella's wineglass when he noticed it was empty. There was no hesitation or awkward fumbling. It was surprisingly normal—it was nice.

Alice was pretending to watch the movie even though she knew there was little hope that she could fool anyone tonight; instead of paying attention to the silly parody that Bella and Edward were so impressed by she was busy thinking and observing.

She didn't want to admit that her plan to get these two together was rushed or possibly an ill-conceived idea, but she hadn't taken into consideration just how easy this was going to be. She had assumed that she would have time, figuring that there would be a lot of resistance and probably a little bit of whining too.

She was hoping for them to talk, get to know one another, develop a friendship, but this was shaping up to be even more.  
The furtive glances and the shy little grins seemed to give away a far greater level of interest. Interest was good and a romance between the two of them wouldn't be unwanted—in fact it would be fantastic, but Alice knew that neither of them were even remotely prepared for what that would involve.

She'd learned a lot over the past few hours and she was now convinced that it was best to let things happen between Bella and Edward of their own accord. The idea of just sitting by and watching this take shape without having to work for and encourage it every step of the way was quite appealing after all, but Alice knew that she still had a job to do.

She'd known Edward her entire life and though she knew that he was a good man—a gentleman at heart, she knew that his shyness had never allowed him to pursue something as complicated a relationship with a woman. She had to assume that he would need a bit of guidance, if he were to be successful.  
Bella on the other hand had other issues. Shy as she was, Alice knew that she could overcome that obstacle with relative ease if the situation called for it. What she worried about instead was the complicated nature of her past, one event in particular—the secret that so few knew about, which could easily destroy Edward's chances before he ever got the opportunity to show her what he might really be capable of.

There was a silent understanding between Alice and Bella that her issues were open for discussion. Talking about it seemed to make things easier for her, plus Bella wasn't the type to dwell on a situation, but Alice still felt uncomfortable bringing it up unnecessarily. Though Bella insisted that it was over long before it ever got anywhere, and that the counseling she'd received had rid her of any residual fears, Alice still worried that Bella wasn't operating at one hundred percent; her shy, often-reclusive nature was a testament to that very fact.

If she were to sit back and watch Edward and Bella become friends, possibly more, she would hate to withhold information that might be crucial to the success or failure of said relationship. Instead she would prefer to make sure that they both understood how difficult this journey would be and why.  
She didn't want to interfere unnecessarily but for two people already into their twenties, her brother and her best friend were woefully inexperienced. So, if she might be able to save them some amount of heartache due to basic misunderstanding or lack of communication, then she'd gladly stick her nose right in the middle of their business if she needed to.

Having made that decision, Alice determined that she would begin by gathering information; then with that information, she would decide how much needed to be said to whom and at what point.  
For now though, she only wanted to sit back and relax. Seeing Edward smile so much was the biggest treat and having a good idea that Bella was the reason made it even better.

"So can I ask you something?" Alice hedged a little bit later, as Edward walked past her into the apartment.

"Sure." He muttered, while having a quick look around.

It was late by now and she'd finally decided it was time for her to go back to the apartment for the night. She and Bella had shared most of the wine, so Edward being the overprotective type had insisted that he'd take her home, just to be safe.  
It was only three blocks over from the house and it wasn't like they lived in the big bad city, but he still refused to accept the idea of her walking home unescorted.

Having only consumed one glass of the wine himself, Edward volunteered to drive Alice and her car back to the apartment, he would then walk back once he'd made sure she was inside, safe and sound.  
She tried to protest but there was no way to win that argument. She tried to be concerned for _his_ safety, but he'd merely pointed out that there were hardly any mountain lions prowling the streets of Port Angeles. A fact that did not go unnoticed by Bella, who was busy picking up the empty bowls and wineglasses from around the living room at the time.  
Alice was dying to tell that story, but she thought it could wait a few days—with any luck perhaps her friend's curiosity would get the better of her and she'd ask Edward to explain that one himself.

"Was it your idea or Bella's for the two of you to ride over to the recycle center today?"

"A little of both I guess." Edward answered, avoiding the real information Alice was trying to pull from him.

"How's that work?" Alice insisted, going over to have a seat on the sofa, while Edward walked though the apartment checking for lord knows what.

"Bella decided that the boxes needed to go there. I didn't like the idea of her having to unload all that stuff on her own so I asked if I could go with." He finally confessed with an audible huff of annoyance.

"Well jeez, don't get your knickers in a twist. I was just curious." She chuckled.

She appeared to take the news rather easily, but inside she was bubbling over with joy. This was even better than she'd hoped for. It was exciting enough to know that Edward was trying, but to know that he was actually initiating some of their interaction was far beyond her expectations.  
She almost couldn't wait for him to leave now so that she could get on the phone with Bella, no wait—her mother! They needed to go over all of these wonderful possibilities. Then, after she'd been able to jump up and down for a while celebrating, she'd call Bella and interrogate her for a bit—see if she could pull any further insights out of her dear friend.

Edward came back then from his quick tour about the place and stopped in front of her, shoving his hands into his coat pockets.

"Look, I know this is all terribly exciting for you, but I'm a little freaked out by all of the questions; and those looks you kept giving me half the night were about to drive me nuts." He explained.

Alice was happy that Edward was being honest with her. She knew that her enjoyment of the situation was poorly concealed, but her intention was never to make either of them feel any more uncomfortable than they were already. Besides, she wanted Edward to want this and she knew that he'd need help and encouragement along the way—a job she was pleased as punch to accept.

Bella already knew just how sensitive Edward was, thanks to that little early morning chat they'd had, but Alice hadn't really found a good opportunity to have a similar discussion with her brother. Truth be told, she didn't want to frighten him away by talking up Bella, like she was expecting anything. He was an incredibly bright and perceptive man—listing her friend's best attributes like some type of advertisement would only make it seem all the more obvious in his eyes.  
But, if she could make him understand that Bella was indeed just as shy and reluctant as he was in many ways, maybe she could boost his confidence just a little. Make him understand that he didn't need to be so nervous around her, that maybe Bella needed someone like him just as much as he needed someone like her. Which in all honesty was the truth and then some.

"Really Edward, I didn't mean anything by it and I'll try to behave from now on. It's just that I'm so excited to have you and Bella getting along so well. It's been so long since I've had you around and to think that you might actually be able to get on with someone as dear to me as Bella, it just makes me uncontrollably happy."  
Alice looked a little sheepish for a moment and Edward couldn't help but wonder what was on her mind.

"Can I tell you a little something about Bella? I don't think she'd mind me saying anything and I just feel like, since you're living in the same house for the time being, that it might help you understand her a bit better."

Edward never really wanted to know much about people in general, therefore when he'd first arrived and he and Alice had gotten some time alone, the only thing Alice had said on the subject of Bella was that she was a wonderful friend and roommate. She'd assured him that she was accommodating and very understanding—he would have no need to worry that his visit might disturb or aggravate her in any way. Then as time went on, Alice would drop in little facts here or there, such as her job details or her family situation.

He knew that the reason he'd never met her before was that Bella had attended school in Phoenix, where she'd lived with her mother until she was thirteen. Once she'd moved to Washington to be with her father, she'd gone to school over in Forks, while Alice and Edward had always attended school in Port Angeles; since their parent's home was situated exactly halfway between there and Forks, they'd had a choice as to which school district they would make use of, and with Carlisle working primarily at the hospital in Port Angeles, it was decided upon mostly out of convince. That being said, there was little chance of them ever running into Bella—that is until she was transferred at the beginning of her sophomore year, which was well after Edward had already left town in favor of studying in Chicago.

Edward gave his sister a look that encouraged her to continue without having to say anything as he took a seat beside her on the sofa. He wasn't sure if he should be gathering information about Bella like this, but if he trusted anyone in this world it would be Alice. He figured that if she thought he ought to know whatever this was it must be important.  
And Alice did feel that this was important. She still didn't know exactly what Edward's intentions were, but she had a sneaking suspicion that he saw a lot of potential in Bella. The level of interest she'd seen him employ whenever she'd spoken tonight, or the amount of concern that was present when he believed her to be upset was far beyond that of a mere acquaintance looking for a friend. If her feelings and observations were correct Edward needed to know a bit about Bella, and sooner was better than later given their combination of issues.

"When I met Bella, I was literally drawn to her. I couldn't figure it out right away, but I just felt like I was supposed to go up and say hi—introduce myself. Only after I did, was I able to realize why I felt so connected to her." Alice smirked a bit, trying to keep her smile hidden for now.  
"She was so shy. In fact, she still has a lot of trouble talking with people until she really gets to know them. It was once I noticed this about her that I knew we'd become great friends. It was because she's so much like you, Edward.

"It was kind of weird really, I always knew just what to say to make her comfortable and help her relax, because I knew how to be around you." She did smile a little now, because she just couldn't help it.  
She loved her brother and she'd always been grateful that she had him to unknowingly teach her what she'd needed to know in order to help Bella way back then.

"I'd thought that Bella looked like she could use a friend that first day, and I suppose I was right to a degree, but what I didn't know was that she needed a lot more than just a happy face and a sensitive ear." Alice's face became serious then.  
She hadn't allowed herself to think of the events that Bella had shared with her in a long time. She didn't like to think about her friend being so frightened or what might have happened had her father not arrived in time, but Alice had never been more proud of anyone in her life as she was of Bella that night—hearing her confess something so horrible, tears in her eyes, yet a determination ever present, to overcome the hurt that someone so thoughtless had sought to inflict.  
She wanted to tell Edward about this to save Bella the stress of doing so later, so she pressed on after taking a deep breath.

"One difference between you and Bella is that she's not always be so shy. She tells me that she was when she was a little kid, but that she'd managed to grow out of it a little by the time she was in middle school—kinda like Mom and Dad thought that you would eventually.  
She claims that she was doing pretty well socially by the time she got to high school; she had some friends and it didn't really bother her, the whole concept of meeting people and stuff.

"Her mom got remarried though, during her freshman year and she felt like it would be for the best if she went to stay with her dad for a while; that's why she moved here."

Edward nodded his head following along, the information striking him as useful but relatively mundane so far. The only thing that concerned him was that there was obviously something that Alice wasn't saying, something she was just hinting at without getting to the point and he couldn't help but think that it was something of importance.

"When she got to Forks she was the new kid at school and it was the middle of the year at that; she seemed to be getting a lot more attention than I think she initially anticipated because of this. So she sort of shutdown a little; she described it as being a bit of a preservation tactic, since there were apparently a bunch of girls that were already making fun of her—just stupid jokes from what it sounded like, speculating why she'd come to Forks after all of these years, at such a random time in her life. But it was the amount of attention she was getting from the boys that really seemed to unnerve her.  
As a result, she eventually reverted back to the quiet, shy Bella that she said hadn't really been a part of who she was over the past few years as a way to avoid people. She didn't talk to anyone, she sat by herself at lunch and often hid in the library during any free time she had to kill."

Alice took another deep breath and looked at her brother before continuing—she hoped that he would take this information and put it to good use, not go flying off the handle and do something foolish instead.  
Edward was very loyal and protective—wonderful traits ordinarily, but describing this incident that involved someone that was possibly becoming important to him was a bit nerve wracking as a result.

"It didn't really help though, because there was this boy named James that had taken a liking to her, and no matter what she did to avoid him he always seemed to be following her around.  
This went on for a few months where she just tried her best to deal with it and ignore him, but one day he decided to follow her home after school. She said that he was nice enough, but there was always something a bit creepy about him that she couldn't really figure out. When he turned up at her door a few minutes after she'd gone inside, he didn't look at all nice or friendly, so she knew that her instincts had been right.  
He was way bigger than her so he forced himself inside and managed to catch her before she could get to a phone or yell for help."  
Alice hadn't realized she was crying until she felt Edward put his arm around her and gently brush her tears aside.

"He didn't get any further than that, thank god.  
See, Bella's dad is the police chief in Forks, and he had fortunately been driving by the house as he was headed some place else. When he noticed another car parked out front he thought he'd stop in to just say hi and meet whoever was there visiting with Bella. When he walked in he saw that James had Bella pinned to the floor while she was trying to fight him off."

She heard a muffled popping noise as Edward ground his teeth together and she felt that his grip around her shoulders had tightened.  
Details were no longer needed, so she decided to get to the point and be done with it before either of them could get any more upset.

"The only thing I can say for Chief Swan is he's one hell of a policeman. Once James got out of the hospital, he was put on trial as an adult, since he was a few years older than Bella, and he was sentenced to fifteen years—breaking an entering, aggravated assault, attempted rape, resisting arrest…you name it. Who knows what all he was really guilty of, but Charlie threw the book at him. There's no chance of parole and he'll be on probation for a long while whenever he finally gets out."

There was a long moment where neither one of them said anything but finally Edward cleared his throat, needing to know more.

"Is she…Is Bella okay now?" Edward asked softly, a hard edge to his voice that Alice recognized as emotion.  
She patted her brother's chest fondly and smiled through her tears.

"According to her she's never gotten back to where she was before moving to Forks, but ever since the chief made the decision to have her transferred to Port Angeles, so that she wouldn't have to deal with any backlash from the incident, she's been slowly making progress. Over the years I've learned how to take baby steps with her, get her to try new things and meet some new people, but it's still difficult for her to push forward on her own. She wants to but it's hard."

Alice leaned away for his embrace slightly and looked into his eyes wanting the point of all this to really hit home.

"It's a trust thing for her, Edward."

"Just like it's a mental thing for me," He added with an understanding nod of his head after thinking about it for a moment, "and it's all rooted in fear."

"I have to be honest with you Edward." Alice was very serious all of a sudden. She needed him to understand not only where Bella was coming from with any shyness or skittish behavior he might witness, but she also wanted him to understand what she was thinking. "I didn't know what to expect really, but when the idea of you and Bella becoming friends entered my mind a few days ago I just couldn't stand the thought of you both running scared before you ever gave it a chance. I've never been more excited than I was tonight when I realized that you were both really trying, that you both seemed interested in getting to know one another.  
I feel like Bella probably trusts you already because you are _my_ brother, but for her to be really trying is something huge no matter the circumstances."  
She took hold of her brother's hand with both of her considerably smaller ones and smiled brightly.

"I promise that I'm not going to interfere in any sort of _friendship_ that you two might be able to build from here on out, but I want you to know that I'm here for you if you have questions or you need someone to talk to. But I'm also going to be available to Bella, just so you know, because she needs me too."

Edward's brow was furrowed and his mouth was pulled down into a frown. He took a moment to clear his throat again and Alice watched as he rubbed his free hand back and forth across his thigh.

"I…" he took a deep breath before trying again. "Alice, I want to uhh…does she…? God why is this so hard?" He sighed, not knowing how to ask his sister what he really wanted to know.

"It's just me, Silly. You know you can ask me anything." Alice encouraged.

"I want to be able to talk to her." He managed to say finally. "I just…it's really…I don't know how. And now this…why tell me all of this?"

Alice watched him hang his head in defeat. But she did not consider this discouraging; this was indeed something she could handle. She looked deep within herself and summoned the motivator, the coach—the freakin' pep squad; Alice was a first class cheerleader and she would pour every last bit of her enthusiasm into making Edward, and Bella for that matter, see that this was really quite easy because it was right. They'd already taken the biggest step without her help after all; all she had to do now was keep them pointed in the right direction and cheer them on.

"It's something that you needed to know, Edward, and not something that Bella was likely to just come right out and tell you. Neither of you have a lot of experience making friends, so when this subject might have come up later, I fear that neither one of you would really handle that conversation very well. Lack of knowledge shouldn't be the deal breaker here, when you two already have so many other issues to overcome."

"What have you told Bella about me?" Edward sighed.  
If she was talking to him like this he had to assume that she had or would be speaking to Bella in a similar manner.

"Very little aside from the fact that you are very shy." Alice responded, though she knew that she wasn't fooling him at all.

"And?" he prompted.

"Just the basics from our childhood. That you went to school in Chicago, you live in Colorado now; I hinted a little at your fascination with nature and she knows you make computer programs. Really that's it." Alice folded her arms defensively but with a smile on her face. "She might sorta know your IQ is like twice that of any normal human as well." She added quietly, after a brief moment of indecision.

"Fine. So what else can you tell me that will be helpful?" Edward conceded.

"Bella loves old movies—comedies especially, classic novels, she likes hiking, if she has someone to go along, so that she doesn't trip over every last root in the forest. Her favorite food is anything Italian and I'm going to leave the rest up to you to figure out." Alice giggled.

"How is any of that supposed to make talking to her easier for me?" Edward grumbled.

"Come on genius! I just gave you like four key topics of conversation, not to mention major date ideas."

"Dates?" Edward visibly paled.

"Ok, not dates—opportunities to make talking easier within a neutral environment that makes the potential topics of conversation obvious." Alice corrected, already enjoying her position as coach way too much.

Edward shook his head as he got to his feet, hugging his sister to him in the process.

"I'm never going to be able to sleep tonight at this rate, but I'd better let you get to bed anyway." He told her, making his way towards the door.

"It'll get easier Edward, I promise." she grinned.

"We'll see." He couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey, Edward," she caught him just before he managed to open the door. She was fiddling with her hands in a gesture much like Edward would usually employ when nervous.  
"I just need you to know, that I love Bella the way that I love you. There is no one else in the world I would ever deem worthy of either of you but each other."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I'm loving all of the reviews and the fact that so many of you seem to be enjoying this story!  
To answer a very good question—this story is going to continue to be told in 3rd person. The closest we'll get to an actual POV might be a chapter sort of like this one, where we focus on the thoughts or feelings of a particular character more so than the others. Hope that works for everyone.  
And, by all means feel free to pimp out my story to any and everyone you know. I'd actually appreciate it, if you feel it's worth the effort.

Chapter 8

Edward was walking slowly up the street, headed back to the house—back to Bella.  
It was cool out tonight, but not what Edward would consider cold by any means, being that he was still use to the bitingly cold temperatures of the Colorado mountains. This thick, humid air had become somewhat foreign and uncomfortable to him after such a long time away, but despite his discomfort he kept his hands in his pockets and his head bent forward out of habit. It was nothing more than a learned behavior—a guarded, defensive posture, but his mind was otherwise occupied and unable to suggest that he might take the coat off and let the cool night breeze calm his nerves.

He knew that if he were more suitably dressed or if it hadn't been such an unpleasant evening in his opinion, he might consider walking a bit further, just to clear his head a little—the three blocks he had ahead of him were not anywhere near far enough to accomplish any sort of serious self evaluation.  
And sure enough, before Edward could make much sense of anything he found himself back in front Bella and Alice's little house.

It was a nice looking older building, much like every other house on the street. It was painted a cheery yellow color, with white trim around the windows and roofline—a little window planter, packed full of multi-colored annuals was present just under each of those windows on the front of the house. The small patch of grass out front and to either side of the place was lush and green, just like everything else here in this damp northern climate.  
Overall the house presented a beautiful façade, something one might find pictured in a home and garden magazine in fact.  
It was very much a property where Edward could see his mother's approval in every little detail and surprisingly that made him smile.

He had to stop and wonder for a moment what it would be like to live in a house like this. What would it be like if he wanted to live in town instead of out in the middle of nowhere? Could Esme find him a place this warm and inviting, a place that he could really enjoy and relax in despite the proximity of his neighbors? Would she find him a place this—_cute_?

Edward shook his head and chuckled a bit as he dug the keys that Alice had given him out of his front pocket.  
It was late and his sister had given him far too much to think about at such an hour, clouding his mind with romantic, ideological fantasies it would seem. He decided that for now he'd go inside and have a nice warm shower, go through some of his new clothes to see if she'd had enough foresight to buy him a lighter, more water resistant jacket for tomorrow and then see if he might be able to get some sleep.  
There were decisions to be made and plans to consider at this point and he felt like a good night of sleep was the very first step that he should take.

When he inserted the appropriate key into the doorknob he had expected the door to open freely as it had done the other night when he and Alice had come back from their parent's place, but it didn't. He pulled the key from the lock and noted that the doorknob moved freely, but it was likely that the deadbolt was engaged.

"Good girl" Edward praised, realizing that Bella must have double locked the house knowing that she would be home alone for a while.

The feelings he'd experienced tonight, hearing Alice tell him about the incident that Bella had been involved in back in high school, were still fresh in his mind and they were threatening to resurface as he stood there thinking. He'd never been a violent person but he knew that had he been present that day and had witness her being handled in such a way by someone without her permission he would have likely killed them. James was lucky that it had been her father and not him, because jail time and a criminal record should be considered a pleasant alternative to the torture he would have been made to endure if Edward had been there.

Edward knew that he had a very protective instinct but the level of need he'd felt where Bella was concerned far exceeded anything he'd ever experienced—it was a feeling that was not only frightening but also confusing to him.

Trying desperately to clear the morbid images from his mind he decided he'd better get inside and check on her, rather than plot the demise of a guy he'd never met before—and with such sickening detail.

Fortunately his father had always been the type to insist that one key be able to open every door within a house to simplify matters. Because of this, Edward would be able to unlock the door and let himself in without having to wake her if she'd already gone to bed.

After he was inside he turned and immediately relocked the front door, knowing that it would make Bella feel safer, before shedding his coat.

"You're back." A quiet voice greeted him a moment later.  
"I was beginning to wonder if something might have happened." Bella went on to explain as she set her reading aside, removing her glasses so that she could rub a bit of the strain from her eyes.

Edward smiled gently, noticing the little set up she had going. She was sitting in her chair, her blanket carefully wrapped around her legs. There was a mug of tea sitting on the table beside her, papers spread all around, in what appeared to be some type of personal organization system. The lamp on her little sidetable was the only source of light in the room.

"I'm sorry, I should have had Alice call to let you know we'd made it safely." He apologized sincerely. He felt bad for making her worry and he couldn't help but wonder if she hadn't stayed up to wait for him, fearful of being alone.

"It's fine." She nodded.

She didn't want him to think that she was waiting for him to return or that she was nervous about being home so late at night by her self. The truth would require too much of an explanation and it was late after all, not at all the right time for any sort of deep conversation.

"Are you working on something?" he asked then.

It was a timid question, Edward gesturing awkwardly at the papers she had separated into small little piles around her, but it thankfully saved her from over thinking her own issues for the moment so she happily nodded to answer him.

"I know it's late but I tend to concentrate best at night." She added.

"I know what you mean." he responded easily.

There was a brief hesitation where neither of them said anything, before Edward finally moved away, heading for the stairs. He'd reasoned with himself that he didn't want to disturb her work, but in actuality he was beginning to feel nervous just standing there watching her, unsure of how he might keep this conversation going.

"I don't really get much work done when I'm at the office," Bella said suddenly, halting his progress, "I'm much more productive here at the house, so…I just thought I'd let you know that I'm not planning to go in to work for the next day or so."

He was surprised to hear her extended explanation, but it gave him a golden opportunity to speak to her again. It would be too easy to run away and hide and he was tired of easy—he _wanted_ to talk to her, despite feeling so out of sorts.  
Edward hadn't had enough time to process all of his feelings and what all of this meant, but he knew that given any chance he would try. He had to, otherwise he would always doubt himself.

He had so much he wanted to say suddenly, but the words were becoming all jumbled up in his mind and he didn't know where to begin. He swallowed down the lump that had been forming in his throat and turned back to her.  
He might have laughed at himself had he not been so nervous, but Bella was sitting there looking at him so expectantly that he couldn't find it within himself to be so bold. Instead he smiled shyly and confessed the first thing that seemed to make sense—the first thing that he really wanted her to know.

"I like the idea of having you around more."

Her smile held a bit of surprise mixed with relief and it gave him the okay to say more.

"Maybe I could make us something for lunch tomorrow...if you'd like. I don't ever have the opportunity to cook for anyone."

He was swearing internally as he waited for her to deny him. Why did Alice have to go suggesting such things to him? He should be planning his return trip to Colorado and his next project parameters, not lunch menus and afternoon activities with his sister's roommate.

Adorable—Bella thought to herself again. His head was down and his hands were fisted into his pockets as he spoke but his words were finally sounding a bit more confident. She was so proud of him, he had just offered to make them lunch tomorrow and he hadn't even stuttered once, but she could still see the mental war raging within him as he waited for her acceptance. She might be about to hyperventilate but she wouldn't dream of letting his moment of courage go unrewarded.

"That sounds wonderful, Edward." She grinned. "You know, I'm glad you're here." Her confession made him lift his eyes and look at her.

"Alice misses you a lot, and after getting to spend a little time with you finally, I can totally see why."

Good grief, how was it that she always knew just what to say? Hadn't Alice said that she was shy too? She spoke with such confidence and conviction. He wasn't sure whether he found it intimidating or comforting exactly, all he knew was that he was drawn to her. Despite his reservations when it came to people he wanted to be wherever Bella was, uncomfortable or not.

Alice had given him a lot of information to process tonight and he hadn't had time to make much sense of his own feelings just yet. It was apparently pretty obvious, this attraction that he had for Bella. His sister knew him better than anyone, but standing there in front of Bella made him wonder if she could see it as well. And what was this that he was really feeling in the first place?

He'd never really given much thought to relationships. He'd always had his mother and father, who were loving and supportive of him and he had Alice for everything else—she was his friend, confidant, even his antagonist. He never really wanted anything else, anything more complex.  
Daily companionship was an unnecessary thing in his mind; the more people you associated with the more room there was for miscommunication and hurt feelings in the end. Plus the more time you spent entertaining other people the less time you had available to be productive—the less time you had for yourself.  
But would he be willing to reconsider his outlook for the right person?

Was Bella that person?  
He'd been completely unprepared to meet her and he'd been even more unprepared for the onslaught of emotions that had plagued him from that very moment.

He couldn't deny that he was attracted to her; every last physical feature called to him, from her long silky hair and bright expressive eyes, right down to her pale pink lips and those cute little feet. He felt some sort of invisible pull when she was near—a need to touch her, even in the most innocent way. If he could just place a hand on her shoulder or an arm around her waist, he felt as if it might make the sensation relent. But he didn't have that kind of courage. If his attention was unwanted she would be uncomfortable with him and he couldn't handle knowing that he'd been the one to put her in such a position.  
It was the very same argument that had kept him sane throughout puberty. Once his hormones had settled enough to allow him an objective look at the reality of relationships he realized that he wasn't willing to risk himself or anyone else for something as overrated as sex. But it had been easier then, he hadn't known that a woman like Bella actually existed.

And if his own nervous uncertainty and inexperience wasn't enough to cause him massive amounts of anxiety, then there was always the added complication of her past.  
She had been attacked—assaulted by some random boy when she'd been nothing more than a young impressionable girl. The event forced her to become shy and close herself off from people all over again, after she'd bravely overcome that hurdle once in her life already.

This wasn't fair, he decided. It was pitiful in fact, seeing as he felt so inadequate all of a sudden.  
Here he was doing his best to talk to her, to make her see what Alice so readily recognized and yet here he was second guessing himself at ever possible moment. She'd done nothing to dissuade him so far—nothing to indicate that he was unwelcome. He needed to just go with his instinct here and be honest. He didn't just find her attractive, he found her interesting and intelligent. She was kind and far more accommodating than anyone he'd ever known outside of his own family.  
This was something that he needed—he needed Bella.

His lips were moving, as if he were practicing the words before he could actually say them. Bella noticed a smile pulling at his mouth, causing one side to lift more than the other. After a moment with his crooked smile now firmly in place he looked up again.

"I want to thank you for being such a good friend to Alice. She really cares a lot about you."  
He pulled his right hand from his pocket and it moved slowly up to his shirt collar. He tugged on it a few times before running that same hand through his hair.  
"I would imagine that it's sort of obvious that I'm really shy, but I'm working on fixing that a little."

"Did Alice talk to you tonight? About what she's said to me?" Bella asked wanting to help him along with what she thought he might be trying to say.  
He was bouncing back and forth between this new level of confidence he'd found and his usual nervous behavior—the unknown tended to make her jumpy so she really needed him to pick a side and stick with it, like soon.

He nodded to confirm her suspicions.

"I umm get really nervous when I try to talk to people." He sighed, "So I'd like to apologize in advance for how awkward I tend to seem."

"There's really no need to apologize. I tend to think that we are a lot alike in that regard." Bella rushed to explain.

He had no reason to apologize for a characteristic of his personality that he had struggled with all of his life. He was shy for goodness sake, it wasn't like he tortured puppies in his spare time, Bella reasoned.

"Well I was sort of hoping that we could practice, you know, talking to one another. If we go ahead and learn a little about each other on our own then maybe Alice can relax a little." He proposed.

He was working without a net here. If he started to fall he feared what sort of outcome might be awaiting him in the end, but he needed to do this. He'd never be content unless he gave it a good honest try.

"I think I feel…comfortable with you, Bella."

"That sounds like a good plan, but you have to promise me something, okay." Bella smiled.  
Her smile was a terrible interpretation of just how elated his words made her feel, but it was the only thing she could manage. She had never wanted to know someone as much as she wanted to know Edward and here he was offering just what she wanted. She had already decided that she would not allow her own issues to hinder whatever sort of relationship they might be able to build, now she just had to make him agree to the same.

"You have to promise me that you won't apologize for being nervous or uncomfortable. I'm not easily offended and I have put up with your sister for the past eight years, so there is very little that you could ever say or do that would annoy me; short of apologizing for something that I know you have limited control over."

"You're making this a little too easy for me." He smirked, a look she'd not seen him use before. Was he pleased with himself, she wondered. If so that had been much easier than she'd anticipated.  
Well, if he could be so honest and confident all of a sudden then so could she.

"I _want_ you to be comfortable with me Edward. I've waited a long time for you."

How had Alice put it? At twenty-five he was _woefully inexperienced_. How right she was.

He'd never been with a woman by any stretch of the imagination. He'd never been on a date, he'd never held someone's hand, and he'd certainly never kissed anyone, romantically speaking. Edward couldn't even claim that he'd spoken with a woman in any sort of friendly manner, until he'd approached Bella this afternoon and then here again tonight.  
His lack of experience aside, he wanted this. He was willing to take the risk. He knew that he wanted something more, and apparently that something was Bella.

"Will you be up for a while?" he asked, not even caring that his voice was full of longing.

"I don't think that I'm in a good frame of mind to concentrate on this any longer." She confessed, her eyes never leaving his.

"I'm sorry." He sighed, feeling awful now for having interrupted her.

"You're not allowed to apologize—remember?" Bella teased.

She couldn't make up her mind which she preferred, the shy uncertain Edward she'd come to expect or the brief glimpse she'd seen of his other side—his honest, open, somewhat flirtatious side.

"Right." He chuckled quietly. "Will you be going to bed then?"

Bella shook her head. There was way too much going on in her brain right now—she'd never be able to sleep any time soon.

"So umm...could we maybe…talk a while?" Edward wondered, sounding hopeful, so hopeful in fact that there was no way that Bella would ever say no.

"Of course we can." She assured him, "Let me just go grab some more tea. Would you like some?" she offered, already in the process of climbing out of her chair.

"Yeah." He agreed watching her adjust her hoodie and toss her blanket aside without hesitation.

Not knowing what else to do with himself, he sat down on the sofa to wait and took a moment to rub his hands up and down his thighs, trying to rid his palms of the sweat that had been collecting there.  
He did a quick inventory of what he could or couldn't handle talking about, thankful for the brief opportunity to collect his thoughts. She would only be tied up for a matter of two to three minutes at most, assuming that the teakettle was still warm, so he had to make the most of his time.

What did two people wanting to get to know one another talk about?

The weather? Too boring perhaps.

Her job? Looking over the piles of paper still scattered about the area he decided that the idea had some merit. It would at least give him some insight into what she did all day, what she enjoyed. It was a good safe topic.

It was difficult, knowing that he shouldn't have to think about this, but he had to embrace his lack of knowledge and explore it if he ever hoped to overcome it. This _flying blind_ approach that he'd stumbled into tonight wasn't going to be anything that he could sustain for any extended period; he needed a better plan—he needed to relax.

"Here we are." Bella smiled setting a second mug that was much like her own down on the coffee table in front of him before carefully taking a seat next to him on the sofa.  
He watched in fascination as she tucked her leg up under her and wrapped her hands around the mug she'd kept for herself. Lost as he was in the sight she presented, he almost missed the whole point of them sitting here like this.

"So where do we start?" she prompted, taking a cautious sip of her drink.

"You're very beautiful." He muttered before he could stop himself.

The blush spreading rapidly over her cheeks alerted him as to his slipup and the fact that she'd heard him, but he had no words to explain himself. He cringed waiting for some sort of reprimand but it never came. Instead he felt Bella's hand resting gently on his forearm.

"That's very kind of you to say, Edward." She assured him. "And it would seem that Alice was very right indeed when she mentioned that we have a lot in common. I don't have any control over what I might be prone to saying when I'm nervous either. I've just been lucky so far."

"Are you sure I'm not allowed to apologize." He desperately wondered, pushing his glasses out of the way so that he could hide his face in his hands.

With her lower lip trapped between her teeth she slowly shook her head, once he'd found the courage to peek though his fingers.

"Well then, let's talk about something else so that I'm not tempted to run upstairs and hide for the next three days." He suggested instead, causing them both to laugh, which finally managed to break some of the nervous tension.

It would take him some time to recover from such an embarrassing bumble but Bella made it seem ok, never letting on that she was uncomfortable with his declaration or unnerved by his random uncensored thoughts. She instead seemed determined to calm his fears and make him see that she was prone to situations that most people would deem far more embarrassing.

With that in mind, it didn't take long for him to determine that not only was she beautiful, she was absolutely perfect.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: *giggle* I can't think of anything else to say, just *giggle*

Chapter 9

It had been almost thirty-five minutes now. Thirty-five whole minutes! Bella couldn't ever recall having taken more than about fifteen minutes to get ready for just about anything, and yet here she was over a half an hour already and she was still undecided about what to wear of all things.  
Even on those rare yet ill advised "date nights" that Alice had forced her to participate in, where she would be made to sit and chat with some unlucky soul that Jasper had dragged out with he and Alice for the night in order to baby sit the third wheel, she'd only ever been made to endure some thirty minutes of primping at the hands of Alice or Rosalie.  
Nevertheless she was still standing in front of her closet, wrapped in a towel, trying to decide what would be her best choice of an outfit tonight. Alice would laugh were she able to see her right now, but fortunately she'd decided to meet them there instead, saving her the embarrassment.

Bella was never one to worry much over her appearance. On the rare occasion that she ever went out some place, as long as her hair was in some semblance of order and her clothes were clean and appropriate for the event that's all Bella was ever concerned about. In any other instance she was usually content to live in a pair of old faded jeans and some oversized top—the warmer the better. And she never thought of dinner at Carlisle and Esme's as an actual outing but tonight just seemed different for some reason.  
That reason was just two floors above her right now, getting himself ready for an evening with his family.

The thought of Edward made Bella smile and she was finally able to relax a little. He thought she was beautiful after all—he'd actually said as much, and she'd hardly been at her best last night as they sat talking long into the wee hours of this morning. He opinion was really the only one that mattered to her tonight.  
With that in mind she grabbed a pair of her nicer fitting jeans off of the hanger and tossed them to the bed behind her. Carlisle and Esme had both seen her in far worse and she was beginning to doubt that Edward would find fault with her under any circumstance.

She finally decided on a simple camisole and matching cardigan to go with her jeans and started dressing. She'd been to dinner with Alice and Edward's parents hundreds of times by now, why tonight felt so different to her she knew had everything to do with Edward but she still couldn't understand why. They were doing just fine.

Last night they had talked for hours. He was every bit as intelligent, charming and funny as Alice had said, and Bella was completely taken aback by how honest he was when speaking of his shyness. He had tried to explain his irrational need for privacy and solitude and he'd assured her that he was enjoying this change to his normal everyday existence, especially since he had been able to meet her.  
He was inquisitive as well, but that was something that she might have expected from someone so smart.  
He wanted to know all about her job, what she liked about it, what she disliked, how she'd come to the decision that it was what she wanted to do in the first place and where she saw herself in five or ten years. It was really quite comical to have seen him so animated all of a sudden.

It didn't feel awkward talking to him at all, in fact it was quite pleasant—unlike most people she encountered. His interest and a sense that he would understand whatever she wanted to say made her answer honestly, and she liked feeling that she could tell him to truth, feeling that he wouldn't think of her as odd or different because her goals weren't what most people would find exciting or necessarily normal.

As the night went on she'd wanted to know more about Edward with each little bit of information she learned, and everything she shared with him about herself only made her want to tell him more. So it was well after 3am when they'd mutually agreed that it was too late to continue the discussion. They were both yawning repeatedly by then and Bella had felt her head nod unconsciously on more than one occasion.  
Edward promised that they could try this again after they both gotten some rest—he had no immediate plans to leave at this point so they would have plenty of time to keep getting to know one another. This revelation was the most comforting bit of news that Bella had received in a long while. She didn't want to ask that question after all; she was enjoying this process far too much to pollute it with talk of his inevitable return home.

She'd learned a little about his job last night as well and she knew that he liked to stay busy. He had several companies that kept him under contract, which meant he had to be available to them whenever they needed new material, but he also continually advertised his services to other markets as well. When he didn't have a buyer with a specific request, he spent his time working on programs that would benefit him self in some way. It was because of computers—the invent of the Internet and email, online resources and shopping, that he was able to function in this world as well as he did. He knew his own limits and he liked being able to improve the technology that allowed him some measure of freedom from his issues.  
All that aside the most important bit of information this explanation had offered Bella was that Edward was basically his own boss and he could decide when he would work and when he would allow himself a break.

Comforted by his promise to continue their talk again later, Bella had said goodnight and they had parted company in favor of a few hours of sleep. When she awoke around noon she made herself take a quick shower before she went upstairs to see if Edward was still sleeping or if he was up and about yet. When she went up she was greeted by the most welcoming gesture she could have imagined. In the kitchen Edward was already busy making breakfast for two.

He was wearing a pair of gray and black plaid pajama bottoms and a soft looking black t-shirt, that she recognized from having unpacked them the day before, along with some seventy odd other pieces of clothing. They fit him perfectly and she was surprised by how wonderful he looked in black, even if it was just a t-shirt.  
She could tell that he'd made some minor effort to straighten his unruly mop of hair and it made her wonder if he'd even slept at all. His clothes weren't at all rumpled but he looked awake and refreshed as if he had indeed gotten some rest. Her mind then started to wander to places it really shouldn't be allowed as she thought for a moment that perhaps he didn't actually sleep in pajamas, but had only gotten dress as such before coming downstairs—not comfortable enough with her yet to walk around without a shirt on or god help her, pants.

"I figured omelets and coffee would be better than the pasta dish I'd had in mind for our lunch, since we would be just waking up." He'd said, thankfully bringing her thoughts back to the present.  
He never hesitated to speak and he hadn't stuttered through his statement like she had come to expect, but he did have an uncertain look about him and a bit of a blush coloring his cheeks. Bella smiled brightly despite her own blushing complexion and agreed that his idea was a good one.

"Maybe we could make the pasta for supper tonight instead. I can call Alice after we eat and see if she'll be joining us; tell her it's your turn to cook. She'll love that." Bella had playfully suggested while pouring coffee for both of them. She learned that Edward preferred his coffee black when she'd asked how he took it.

"Sweet enough without any extra sugar?" she'd said without thinking.  
She recognized the flirtatious comment for being what it was immediately but she couldn't find it within herself to care. Especially when she noticed Edward's crooked little grin appear in response, though he didn't say anything in return.

Their breakfast was delicious but quiet, though neither seemed to mind.  
Bella complimented Edward's cooking abilities and he'd said something along the lines of having to learn the hard way once he was on his own. She knew what he was trying to say but didn't want to ruin their time together by bringing up more discussion about his problems. He spoke freely with he and answered her questions readily but she could still see that he was uncomfortable talking about his social limitations.

They washed up the dishes together a while later, Edward unwilling to adhere to she and Alice's agreement that whoever doesn't cook gets to clean. Afterwards Bella asked what Edward had planned for the rest of his day.

"Laundry." He told her. "I'd like to keep the clothes that I brought with me, but Alice would likely start making a bonfire if she were able to get her hands on them while I'm not looking. This is about the only thing, casual or comfortable I could manage to find out of the whole stack of clothes up there." He went on to explain, gesturing to his current outfit.

Bella nodded her understanding and promised that she would show him to the laundry, which was located on the lower floor across from her room. That done she'd left him to it and had gone upstairs to tidy up her reading from last night.

"I'm not allowed to actually comment on the content of the stories; my job is just to correct the grammar and spelling so that by the time the drafts get passed on to the editors it actually looks like the author had some basic concept of the English language.  
I like to separate the chapters and read through them in a random order so that I'm less likely to get distracted by the plot—if there is one." Bella explained when Edward finally made it back upstairs and asked about the reason behind all the little stacks of paper still littering the floor around her chair.

"That's a clever trick." Edward chuckled seeing Bella grin as she subtly criticized the writing she had to review.

"I really ought to spend some time looking through this today since I didn't manage much last night."  
She could see the instant apology about to surface as Edward's head started to droop and his smile disappeared.

"I umm…I have some stuff I brought with me to stay busy. I could…I mean I don't want to interrupt you or keep you from your work." He rambled.

Bella stood up from where she'd been crouching down to organize some of the papers and sighed. She'd only been making a joke but it seemed as if they were suddenly back to square one. Well what did she expect after just one day and few hours of chatting?

"Edward?" she interrupted quietly. "Don't." she simply said after she'd gotten his attention.

He nodded his understanding but didn't manage a smile; his head still hanging and his posture guarded, waiting for some form of criticism.  
Bella walked the few short steps over to him and stood by his side. She took a deep breath and told herself that she had to do this as she reached for his hand. They had been talking comfortably last night but neither had seemed ready for any sort of physical contact, however now was as good a time as any to try.  
She took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, recalling every time that Alice had ever had to encourage or comfort her. This had always helped her and she was hoping that Edward would feel the same.

"You could never be a bother to me, Edward; I had more fun last night talking with you than I've had in a long time—a lot more fun than fishing through this mess of crap would have been." She felt his hand return the little squeeze as she spoke and she smiled up at him hoping that her reassurance helped.

"I do need to read for a while, but I'd like for you to keep me some company if you'd be willing."

Edward looked down at their joined hands and sighed quietly before looking back to Bella's expression. He nodded his head in agreement without saying anything but he did manage a little smile to let her know he understood.

Their day had progressed from there. It wasn't as if they'd had to start all over again but there were a few awkward moments in the beginning, Bella sitting quietly in her chair while Edward sat on the far end of the sofa reading what she thought looked like an old fashioned encyclopedia at first glance; upon further inspection she realized that it was an outrageously huge programming manual for some type of computer system, but eventually things got better—or worse.

Edward mentioned that he'd be willing to call Alice after Bella had decided that it was time for a break, needing another cup of coffee to keep her eyes open suddenly. She smiled at his offer, knowing that it would make Alice's day to hear Edward be the one to invite her for dinner tonight, especially since he was cooking.  
She brought another cup of coffee back to the living room along with her own and set in on the table for Edward before going back to her chair. She'd barely gotten her glasses back in place before she heard Edward relay the news.

"No, that's fine. It'll be okay." He sighed after listening for a minute, knotting his fist in his hair as he spoke, a pained expression marring his features suddenly. "No, I'll call her I suppose." He added after another moment. "Yeah, okay."

He hung up the phone and Bella noticed him tremble a bit as he set it aside.  
She wanted to know what had been said, but she didn't want to rush him or make him feel like he had to say anything if he wasn't okay talking about it. All she knew for sure was that the call had not gone as expected.

"I'll be back." He said softly, avoiding any eye contact as he stood and left the room. He'd gone off towards the stairs that would lead him down to the laundry, so Bella was not worried that he'd run off to hide; he'd be back shortly just like he had said, assuming that he just needed a little time alone to come to terms with whatever was bothering him.  
A few tense moments later he'd come back up and he stood pacing the room for a minute.

"Bella?" he'd asked to draw her attention, even though she was very aware of his presence already. "Alice said that Mom wants us to come over there for supper tonight instead." He paused briefly, "If it's alright with you."

Bella wasn't sure why he was asking her permission exactly, or why going to dinner at his parents' house seemed to make him so uncomfortable. Was he just disappointed that their plans had to be changed?

"No, Edward, of course that's okay. I think it's a wonderful idea. I'm sure Esme is dying to spend some more time with you and Alice while you're in town." Bella quickly responded, again remembering that she shouldn't hesitate to reassure him when he was feeling so uncertain.

"You'll come too, won't you?" There was a pleading undertone in his voice, as if he was afraid that she wouldn't but that he really wanted her to.

"Sure." She smiled, "I was invited though, right?"

He nodded vigorously, relief evident in every feature.  
Taking a deep breath he went on to explain that he had to call Esme and tell her, but that Alice said they were all invited as of this morning when she'd gotten a call. Alice had already accepted saying that she'd come by and visit regardless of their decision, but that she'd be sure to call and invite them. The only reason she hadn't yet was because she knew that Bella had a habit of sleeping in whenever she could, especially if she was up past a certain time.  
That being said, Bella felt a lot more comfortable going along with everyone tonight, but she still wondered why Edward was all of a sudden feeling so out of sorts, when earlier he'd been so calm and seemingly relaxed.

She didn't want to pry, but hearing Edward's uncomfortable tone when he'd called his mother to accept their invitation made the question one that she could not ignore.

"Are you okay?" she asked gently a few moments later, seeing him remove his glasses and rest his head against the back of the sofa, his eyes closed.

"I love my mother," he mumbled, "I really do. And I know she tries to be subtle and understanding but I can hear it when we talk, and I can see it when I'm there—I hate how she worries about me. I hate that I _make_ her worry."

So that was it. He didn't want to disappoint his mother and being around her, conscious that he would have to pretend and act as if he were happy and doing fine all of the time, made him so uncomfortable that he'd rather avoid the situation.

"You know, Esme loves you too—no matter what." Bella told him. "She's one of the most loving and understanding people I've ever met."

"If I could just be more _normal_. If I could do anything at all without having to stress and put so much effort into trying, maybe I could show her that I'm _okay_ and that she didn't have to worry." he prattled on, rubbing at his temples attempting to relieve the stress.

"Edward, you are okay and you _are_ normal. You just seem to expect more from yourself than most. And that's not a _bad_ thing. And if shyness is not being normal then you could probably consider most of the population abnormal at some point in their lives; in fact I'd most likely be at the top of the list more often than not."

"Being shy and being completely incapable are two totally different things Bella!" he snapped—surprising her with his conviction.

She'd never seen him upset or confrontational; he was always so timid. The way he'd practically growled her name sent a chill throughout her entire body.

A moment passed where they were both silent.  
He was breathing heavily bent forward now, his face covered by his hands, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

Bella was stunned.

Had she pushed him too far? Was he going to shutdown and close himself off from her—from everyone?

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't mean…" she mumbled after a while, her voice trembling with anxiety.

"Don't." he cut her off.

He looked at her after another tense moment, finally taking his hands away from his face. He blinked a few times to clear the moisture from his eyes before he slowly licked his lips.

"If I'm not allowed to apologize to you, then I'm not going to let you say you're sorry to me either. You did nothing wrong by trying to make me see how stupid I am sometimes." A single tear escaped the corner of his eye making Bella's heart ache. "And I am stupid you know. I think that sometimes my existence is some sort of fucked up joke—sorry," he added to apologize for his language, "But it's almost like someone up there is looking down on me, laughing their ass off at what a sad mess of contradictions my life is.  
They gave me this freakish ability to learn how to do almost anything I set out to, but a personality that prevents me from doing anything with that knowledge if it means having to interact with people. I've been blessed with the most wonderful family I could possibly imagine, but I hide myself away instead of truly being a part of it.  
And now here I am finally trying. Finally learning to...wanting to talk to someone like you, but I can't even sit by and listen objectively when I know you're only trying to help."

"It's all part of the process I guess." Bella added softly after they had become quiet once again, "This might piss you off, but I don't think that anyone can be perfect at everything; this is just the one thing that you're not so good at."

"But I'm not willing to accept that." Edward smiled confidently now. "If it means that I can't be around you the way we were last night then I'm not willing to just say that I'm not good at talking to people anymore. I _will_ learn."

"You're sort of stubborn aren't you?" Bella chuckled. And just like that everything was fine again.

"I'm actually _very _good at that." Edward smirked.

At the risk of making him uncomfortable, Bella got out of her chair and went to him.

"Well guess what?" she said taking a seat right next to him on the sofa. "I think we've just survived our first misunderstanding, and you did wonderfully. Congratulations." Carefully she placed her arms around his shoulders and gave him a friendly hug. Nothing too long, drawn out or affectionate, just a hug that said she understood and all was forgiven. His arms coming around to return the gesture with relative ease rewarded her.

"Thank you." He said softly against her shoulder.

So now Bella was finally ready to go up and meet Edward before heading over to his parent's house for the evening. She realized now that it hadn't really been such a difficult process—choosing her outfit for the night; it was just that she was terribly aware of how trying this night was going to be for Edward, and his anxiety had somehow been transferred to her it would seem.

He was so hard on himself, so determined to accomplish whatever he set out to do that she worried about what would happen if he were to ever fail. If his one failure were to ever come in the form of disappointing his family, his mother especially, then she wondered how in the world she'd ever help him cope.

Making her way upstairs she gave herself one last piece of advice. Tonight Edward would be trying to convince his family right along with himself that he was making progress and willing to trying new things, things that were normally outside of his comfort zone. Their blossoming friendship was proof of that. And she was going to do everything within her power to show them all just what Edward was capable of and how far he'd come in such a short time.  
She couldn't wait to see the smile on Esme's face when she saw just how easy it was for Edward to be himself with her.

"Hey, sorry that took a while. You ready?" she asked seeing Edward stand with his back towards her as he looked over the selection of books that were displayed on the lone bookcase that Alice had allowed her to set up in the living room.  
She wasn't about to tell him why it had taken so long, so she was rather pleased when he'd just said, "Sure," before turning towards her.

"You shaved." She let her thoughts be verbalized before she could stop them.

"Yeah," he chuckled rubbing his chin a bit, "Mom doesn't like my impersonation of being a homeless guy too much."

She let her eyes wander for a moment, hardly able to disguise her appreciation for his appearance as she did so.  
He was dressed in one of the outfits that Alice had purchased for him, which was simply made up of jeans and a button down shirt, but oh my how well it worked for him. His clean shaven appearance coupled with the tight fit of his dark colored jeans and the way he'd left the top three buttons of that light blue shirt undone was about to make Bella faint.

She'd been plenty impressed by his almost grungy look right from the start, but she had been totally unprepared for how well one Edward Cullen could clean himself up.  
If she thought of him as adorable before, she now considered him nothing short of gorgeous.

"You might want a jacket, it's sort of chilly out tonight." He recommended, Bella not missing for one moment how his eyes seemed to roam her entire body repeatedly as he spoke.

"Okay." She agreed turning away to find her coat, while trying desperately to control her breathing in the process.

"You're not feeling cold?" she asked as he opened the door for her without bothering to retrieve his own.

He shook his head slowly looking over her entire form once again, "No, not at all." he whispered, his voice deep, and smooth as velvet.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: hey folks, just thought I'd warn you that this chapter isn't really "finished," since a night at the Cullen's isn't something to be rushed, but I did want to go ahead an post the first bit. On the bright side of things the next few updates are already in the works, so you'll be getting those much faster than the last few.

Chapter 10

Edward had developed many habits during all of his time spent alone—a side affect of solitude if you will. He daydreamed more than most, letting his mind wander off in thought, telling himself little stories or thinking of the past as a way to entertain himself. He also had a tendency to talk to himself sometimes, just mundane one-sided conversations that really didn't mean anything most times—more often than not it was a way to remind himself to do certain things.

Because he was so use to being alone, he often had to remind himself not to get caught up in these habits when he _was_ around anyone, as it wasn't the most polite or sane way to behave around company. Tonight however the stress of this situation wasn't allowing him much choice in the matter.

Bella had taken a bit longer than he'd anticipated getting ready this evening, not that he minded the result at all. He wasn't use to waiting on anyone, though with Bella he really didn't seem to mind. As a result however, his idle thoughts, as he'd waited upstairs looking over the small collection of books and pictures decorating the shelves in their living room, had been bouncing all over the place.

By now he'd spent most of a night sitting and talking with a girl, and he'd actually felt relatively comfortable doing so. This morning they'd shared breakfast and laughed together. He'd been nervous, thinking that any time spent away from her might make the level of comfort he felt diminish, but he was pleased to see that it didn't take long for them to fall right back in to a nice easy routine. Even during his inevitable moments of doubt and uncertainty she was right there with him—knowing the right thing to say or do to bring him back from his feelings of despair. Considering, he couldn't help but think that she might be someone that he really _needed_ in his life.

When she finally arrived upstairs and asked if he was ready to go, he was glad that he'd been able to answer her before he'd thought to turn around. It pissed him off to know that his so-called overachieving brain couldn't supply a word that would do her justice—_beautiful_ was hardly descriptive enough. She was lovely, stunning, exquisite, hell she was effin' hot!—in his opinion.

It was for purely selfish reasons he'd recommended she wear a coat this evening. There was far too much of her on display and the urge to reach out and touch her delicate skin was far too tempting. Her light sweater was modest enough but Edward had never really seen her in anything other than t-shirts to this point, even the blouse that she'd worn to work the other day had possessed a high collar, affectively hiding the smooth, supple look of her neck and beyond.  
If he were going to survive the twenty-minute car ride it would take them to get to his parent's house, he would no doubt need some sort of distraction. So he gave the habit that he'd developed over the years, spending so much time on his own, permission to take over for a while.

He would often let his mind wander off, thinking about some of the strangest things—his mind's way of essentially keeping himself company. Tonight he knew the reason his mind was going to be taking a little walk down memory lane, but he was still conscious of the need to stay focused and available. After all he wasn't alone right now. He was driving Bella over to his parent's house tonight for dinner—a task that'd he'd not have been able to do had it not been for his own insistence and Carlisle's help so many years ago. With that very realization he started to let his mind wander. He was careful to stay alert and ever conscious that Bella was with him, but the silence that she so graciously offered allowed him to escape for a time and regroup.

Driving her someplace in his beloved Volvo given him the direction to let his thoughts travel and he spent much of that time thinking about how much he loved his father.

For Edward, the basic milestones in life, the moments that every person looks forward to growing up, had always been so nerve wracking that he'd never been able to take much pleasure in them. Everything from his first day of school to his college graduation had been nothing more than events designed to make him feel uncomfortable. Things that every teenager looks forward to, like getting his driver's license and his first car had been put off until the very last moment, just to avoid the necessary interaction that the process would involve.

He'd been living just outside of Chicago when he'd turned sixteen and had become eligible for a license after all, so there was no real need for having his own transportation at the time. He lived on campus in a small dorm-like building, and the school grounds offered almost every essential he might need. What he couldn't get at the bookstore or from the cafeteria his parents made sure he received via weekly care packages in the mail, or during the bi-monthly trips they'd made to visit him, which left no real reason for him to ever go any place else.

By the time he'd graduated—with honors, but not at the top of his class on purpose, unwilling to accept the type of attention such a distinction would cause, he'd already had his plans for the future lined up, but unfortunately he'd be needing that driver's license in order to see things through.

Edward was a practical man, driven by his own personal set of checks and balances. His stubborn streak, as Alice would describe it, was basically his way of avoiding the things that he could not bring himself to do, but also a way to force him self to accomplish the things he must. If he deemed a certain task or activity worth the effort he would not rest until he'd completed it, but if it was unnecessary he would refuse and avoid it at all costs.

This was a system that worked for him but even though he had the ability to talk him self into doing things when he really felt the need, Edward still required a lot of time to gather up the courage it would require, especially if it meant stepping outside of his preferred, reclusive lifestyle.

It was comforting to know that Edward had always been able to rely on one person when it came to those difficult tasks that he decided he'd need to undertake—his father.

Carlisle was his quiet supporter through everything. He encouraged him when he needed it and went out of his way to make sure he had whatever he'd be needing in order to succeed, but he never felt the need to ask questions or suggest things that he knew Edward wouldn't want to consider. He was conscious of Edward's limitations and always found a way to work around them.

Edward had never been more grateful for his father than he had been when it came time to get his driver's license. Carlisle was able to take care of everything—from literally teaching him to drive to completing all the necessary forms at the DMV. By the time Edward had to go in and take his test all he had to do was sit in front of a computer for five minutes to answer some questions, then take a drive with some guy that his dad knew for an additional fifteen minutes and he was all set. When they got home that afternoon Carlisle even had an older, used Range Rover sitting out back ready for Edward's use.

Edward still laughed to this day every time he climbed up into that beast of a vehicle. It was practical and almost impossible to kill but that hadn't meant much to his mother. Esme had been appalled by its appearance, but what she didn't understand at the time was that Edward would be going to college up in Alaska, thanks to his Aunt Elizabeth's connections with the university there; the climate, not to mention the terrain, required something a bit more durable than what most teenager's would want to drive and Carlisle had found the perfect vehicle for the situation.

Knowing that he wouldn't be comfortable having to take a car in for service or basic repairs, not to mention the limited availability that would be likely in his travels, Edward had spent his summer learning everything he could about cars. He and his father had all but dismantled and rebuilt the entire SUV during the process, but he now had more working knowledge of a car's engine than most trained mechanics, along with many fond memories of the time spent with his dad that summer.

He still had the old Range Rover to this day and it continued to come in handy during heavy snowfalls or when he had a need to haul anything that his much newer, much smaller Volvo couldn't handle. Despite its usefulness he knew that he'd really kept it all this time because it reminded him of time spent with Carlisle—it was easily a part of his top five most favorite things.

Back then he'd been pleased to discover the amount of freedom that being able to drive had afforded him. It was always a pleasant escape—a way for him to be alone but out in the world, seeing and experiencing new things for himself; it was something that he could have never accomplished had he been made to rely on others for that privilege. Tonight however, it allowed him to do something for Bella, it allowed him to take care of her.

"Thanks for offering to drive us tonight. I'd be kind of embarrassed for you to know how hard it still is for me to find the turnoff to your parent's place, especially in the dark." Bella mentioned as Edward slowed the car and turned on his blinker to signal the nonexistent cars following behind them. Her comment affectively brought him back to the present, as he smoothly maneuvered the car off of the paved road on to the Cullen's drive.

"I always loved it out here. I liked that the house was sort of hidden, it made me feel safe, like no one could find me." Edward told her in response.

The headlights reflecting off of the trees that lined the narrow roadway helped to light up the interior of the car somewhat. Bella glanced over and saw a little smile playing at Edward's lips as he continued to concentrate on his driving. She wondered what he'd been thinking about during the drive, by the look of things it had been pleasant whatever it was and that made her happy.  
The feeling of her eyes on him had obviously been too much because he suddenly straightened his expression and turned to face her as well after a brief moment.

"Thanks for agreeing to come along tonight. I think that it'll be a lot more…pleasant, having you there with m…us." He told her in all seriousness.

She didn't miss the little stumble as he almost said _me_, but she would never point that out to him. She knew by now that she meant something to Edward—what exactly that was she wasn't sure, but she'd take whatever type of relationship he was willing to attempt with her.

This was all so new—she'd never been interested in a man the way that she was with Edward. Her own issues and experiences had prevented her from ever exploring a friendship with anyone of the opposite sex, but Edward was the type of man that she could really see herself being comfortable and content with. The obstacles created by his self-doubt could never outweigh the desire she had to really figure out what they might be capable of together.

"I haven't been by to see your parents for a few weeks; Alice and I have both been so busy getting settled in to the house and situated with our jobs. I'm really looking forward to it actually." Bella told him as he brought the car to a stop right next to Alice's, which was already parked out front.

"Well, I'm glad someone's looking forward to it" He chuckled as he turned off the engine and got out of the car, making his way over to the passenger side so he could open Bella's door. Bella smiled at his humor, knowing that this was difficult for him, but she was happy that her presence seemed to help—if only a little.

"Thanks." Bella grinned seeing Edward watch carefully for some sort of reaction just as he had done back at the house when he'd opened the door for her to get in to the car.

"The good doctor's manners must have rubbed of on you a bit, huh?" she went on, teasing gently.

"I use to do this sort of thing for Mom and Alice all the time, I guess it's just kind of a habit now." Edward nodded, stepping aside to let Bella walk up to the house ahead of him.

"Bella! Edward! Get in here you two, I've been waiting on you for-ever." Alice called to them from the front porch before either of them could comment further. Bella had wanted to tell him how much she appreciated his kindness and how endearing his gentlemanly behavior was—because it really was, but it would seem that Alice had other plans.

A mild flurry of activity erupted from there as Alice took it upon herself to herd everyone inside and announce that they'd arrived. Esme came out of the kitchen immediately wiping her hands on a dishtowel as she went directly over to Edward and embraced him, while Carlisle met everyone in the living room on his way in from outback where he had been busy warming up the grill.

"Hey kids." He smiled warmly as he noticed Edward reach to take Bella's coat as soon as she started to take it off.

"Thanks." Bella said quietly her eyes downcast, so as not to draw any unwanted attention to their interaction.

Carlisle playfully scooped her up into a massive bear hug, just like he always did with Alice when she greeted him after not seeing her for a while, as soon as she was freed of her coat, making everyone giggle.

"So good to see you, Sweetheart." He chuckled, when she started wiggling around so that he'd put her down.

"I missed you too, Old Dude." Bella grinned.

"Come on Bella you can help me and mom in the kitchen while Edward keeps Dad some company out by the barbeque." Alice danced over and took Bella's arm steering her away from everyone else, not missing for a second the way that Edward had been looking at her when he'd returned from hanging her coat up by the door.

With the initial hellos having been exchanged it became rather obvious that the rest of the family already had a game plan in place for tonight—divide and conquer.

Alice had avoided the phone call that she really wanted to make last night in favor of sleep, assuming that she'd be over to see them sometime today, but damn if work hadn't been just as busy as the day before; so, she hadn't had any opportunity to speak with Bella since saying goodnight after their movie, which left Alice having to wait and wonder what, if anything had come from her talk with Edward.

She did call up her mother though, as soon as Edward had left the apartment as promised, to dish all the details of just how well her plan was working out. That conversation had led to this little gathering, which meant she was going to get her answers finally.

Esme had been dying to see for herself just how much difference a day with Bella could make, and based on the gentle smile that hadn't left her son's face since their arrival she believed that Alice might indeed be on to something here. She was so pleased to see them both happy that she was already trying to think of a surprise for Alice in order to say thank you.

Thankfully for Edward's sake, Carlisle had gestured that he'd be outside if Edward wanted to join him, after Bella had been dragged off towards the kitchen. Edward never hesitated, appreciating his father's subtle offer. It would provide a much easier transition into a night that was bound to be full of questions and conversation that he didn't necessarily look forward to. Having spent so much time thinking about his dad on the ride over, Edward wouldn't miss this opportunity to have a little time alone with him tonight.

"So, did you ever finish replacing the roof on the cabin?" Carlisle asked while making a slight adjustment to the gas powered flame.

"Yeah, I finished it a few weeks ago; forgot to mention that to Mom I guess." Edward replied quietly. He jumped up onto the porch rail and sat picking at his fingers while Carlisle nodded his approval.

"Everything else good?" his father asked after a few minutes of silence. Edward never offered much in the way of conversation so it was best to ask unassuming questions and let him be in charge of how much information would be shared in Carlisle's opinion.

"Yep." Edward smiled.

Carlisle hopped up on the rail next to him, after he deemed that the fire was perfect, and sat swinging his legs, content to enjoy the silence, until he heard Edward making a poor attempt to control his laughter that is.

"What?" he asked.

"Did Bella really call you 'Old Dude' earlier?" he asked, thinking that his father looked awfully young and carefree sitting there beside him as he was just now.

"It's short for the 'hottest old dude she's ever seen'." Carlisle proudly announced.

Edward's laughter finally escaped at that, he just couldn't help picturing how red Bella must have been when she'd let that little description slip.

"She really said that?" he choked out between guffaws.

"Can you blame her son? I mean come on." Carlisle straightened his back and affected a look of arrogance, which just made Edward laugh harder.

Carlisle figured that he might be in danger of toppling off the porch rail if he wasn't careful but the sound of his son's laughter made his heart swell. Alice had said that this was a good idea; that Bella would understand and be able to reach Edward like no one else, but Carlisle, as much as he wanted to believe and as excited as he was about the possibilities, was still leery of getting his hopes up prematurely. Seeing Edward so carefree and happy, he couldn't help but wonder if this was truly the affect that being around Bella had created or if Edward was perhaps ready to really loosen up and step out of this self imposed solitude. Maybe it was a bit of both.

Meanwhile Bella was in the kitchen suffering through the most poorly disguised inquisition she'd ever had the privilege of witnessing. Alice had plopped her down at the counter and shoved just about every vegetable imaginable in front of her so that she could start making the salad, before going off to her previous work station that had her mashing up about 40lbs of potatoes by the look of things.

"So you guys took Edward's car tonight. Guess that was a nice change for you, huh? Didn't have to spend five minutes riding back and forth looking for the turnoff did you," Alice started off by teasing.

"It seems like unless your name is Cullen you're just S.O.L. when it comes to finding that dang road, but fortunately you're right, Edward didn't have any trouble." Bella sighed. She didn't realize that by mentioning his name, even in such an innocent way, she'd suddenly opened the floodgates.

"You know Edward has always had an incredible sense of direction. He spent almost an entire year traveling through Alaska and he claims that he never got lost." Esme informed her.

"Then he went to Wyoming, wasn't it?" Alice added. "He was doing some type of random research he called it, but he was basically on one big camping trip for like four months."

"Have you and Edward had a chance to talk at all since he's been in town, dear?" Esme asked without taking a breath. "I know you've all been so busy, but I would love to know that the both of you were getting on well. Such a shame that the two of you have never had the opportunity to meet before now."

"Yeah and I can't thank you enough for agreeing to our little change up of housemates for the time being." Alice agreed.

"Oh yes, that was quite nice of you Bella, I do hope that it hasn't been too uncomfortable or awkward for either of you."

The statements were all pretty harmless, but Bella couldn't help but recognize the tone of their words, the way they could so easily be transformed into questions—rhetorical questions at that. They weren't concerned with her answers exactly, they were just curious about her reactions in general.

"It's been fine. Edward is really quite nice." Bella finally mentioned when the onslaught had lessened somewhat.

"I see that he finally had to dig into some of the new clothes I got for him. He looks so good tonight, doesn't he mom?" Alice started up again. "By the way Bella, if you happen to come across any of his other things I'll pay you to burn them."

Bella couldn't help but laugh at that. She loved that Edward knew his sister so well even if he couldn't bring himself to visit with her more often. But if this type of excitement surrounded all of his visits home, no wonder he chose to stay away most times, it was exhausting. Bella had never seen Esme do such a wonderful impression of her daughter and likewise she'd never seen Alice this worked up unless something big was going on. It must be because of Edward she figured.

"What?" Alice said a bit defensively hearing Bella continue to giggle. "Do you know that he actually buys clothes from places like Wal-Mart? I can't even imagine."

"Alice, it works for him." Bella kept her own defensive comment rather tame, not about to start fussing about how unfair it was to judge Edward for making use of whatever was available to him, what made him comfortable; besides she was still too busy chuckling over the irony to really seem upset.

"Has he maybe mentioned how long he plans to stay in town to either of you?" Esme changed topics, while seasoning the platter of steaks that would soon be taken out to the grill for Carlisle to begin cooking.

Alice looked to Bella hoping that she had an answer, but Bella just shook her head. She didn't want to get their hopes up by saying anything that Edward had yet to confirm, but she was hopeful that they still had a little while together, for everyone's sake at this point.

"Well I had better go in and see if your mother has some meat ready to go on this thing, otherwise we'll be eating those steaks for breakfast instead." Carlisle told Edward eventually.

There hadn't been much conversation for a while; they were suddenly content to just sit together looking up at the stars. Before they had fallen silent though, Edward had decided to confide in his father what he couldn't bring himself to say to the rest of his family just yet.

"Bella seems really nice." He'd mentioned after their laughter had finally died down.

"She's a good girl, wonderful friend to your sister." Carlisle agreed easily.

"I like her…a lot." He'd continued tentatively.

"Yeah?" his father smiled, keeping his voice light and matter-of-fact.

He knew that he wanted to express his interest in her but he wasn't exactly sure how. It would be easier though, if he should need to seek his father's advice later on, if he at least knew of this development, so Edward added a little more to his confession.

"We've been talking a little," he shrugged.

Hearing Edward's laughter before had been wonderful, but hearing him confess an interest in Bella so openly was beyond anything he'd ever experienced. He'd always been proud of his son and any accomplishment he'd pushed himself to achieve, but knowing that he finally felt the need to come to him—not his mother or his sister, but him, with this type of news was truly something special. He'd promised himself years ago that if Edward chose to live his life alone, then he wouldn't hold that against him, but hearing that he'd finally found someone he considered worthy of his attention made Carlisle suddenly hopeful for the possibilities in his son's future.

"Bella could always use another friend and I think that you'd make a good one."

Well versed in just how to talk to Edward, Carlisle turned the comment around to sound like he was happy that Bella might gain a new friend should they keep in touch, when he really thought that Edward might be the one to benefit most in this situation. He was a smart man and Carlisle knew that he'd pick up on the double meaning hidden there, but it got the point across in a much more diplomatic manner. It was a harmless statement, one that would just acknowledge the flow of the conversation and Edward would be in charge of what, if anything was said from there.

Edward's decision had been to leave well enough alone for the time being, which had left them sitting quietly with their own thoughts, but his father was still pleased.

He was doubly pleased when Edward had jumped down from his seat on the porch railing and offered to go retrieve the steaks from his mother just now. Edward willing to go into a kitchen full of woman with out being asked to do so—now that's something he never would have expected.

He had an ulterior motive of course; Bella was inside and he wanted to be wherever she was. He was actual having a good time being around his dad, they'd always gotten along well and he was feeling rather pleased with the fact that he'd been able to talk so freely with him. It felt good to laugh at his silliness and have his father appreciate the moment, but it just wasn't the same feeling that he got when he was with Bella.

Moments later he pushed open the door to the kitchen, clearing his throat to alert the others to his presence before informing them that he'd come for the steaks if they were ready. His eyes instantly went to Bella and he felt his posture relax. She was busy tossing chopped carrots into a bowl, but she looked up to smile in his direction as soon as he'd entered the room.

"Help me," she'd playfully mouthed causing him to chuckle.

"Thanks, Mom." He said taking the plate from her once she had deemed the food ready for the grill.

"Oh, uhh…Dad wanted me to grab a few beers for us, but could one of you maybe get those whenever you have a moment?" He added as an afterthought, indicating that his hands were full and he couldn't carry anything else just now.

Alice nor Esme missed how he had let his glance linger in Bella's direction as he spoke.

"I'm pretty much done; I'll be right there." Bella volunteered tossing the last of her salad ingredients together hurriedly, confirming their suspicions.

"Oh. My. God!" Alice and Esme said together staring off towards the door, just seconds after Bella had exited, carrying three beers outside, having asked politely to be excused from any further meal preparations for now.

"Did you see the way he looks at her?" Alice asked.

Her mother nodded.

"And she's so quick to respond to him, like she knows exactly what he needs." Esme added.

"He took her jacket."

"He opened the car door for her."

"She blushes constantly around him."

"And did you see how she defended him when I mentioned his clothes?"

"Do you think…?" Esme wondered.

"I'm not sure, but things are certainly looking good." Her daughter answered.

They both sighed contently and smiled at the thought. Edward and Bella together—maybe someday.

"Do you smell something burning?" Alice asked a moment later, her nose twitching.

"Oh, the bread!" Esme exclaimed rushing over to the oven.

"Eh, who needs the extra carbs anyway." Alice dismissed lightly, when her mother produced the charred loaf that they had neglected in favor of their gossip session.

If that was the worst thing to happen tonight she'd take it-this thing that was obviously developing between her brother and her best friend was far more important for now.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I'm calling it 11 but it's really the 2nd part of chapter 10, as promised.  
And the good news? There's still more to come. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 11

It was after finding an appropriate excuse to escape the kitchen, thanks to Edward's helpful request, that Bella was now able to relax a little—the twin interrogation squad having to wait until dinner would be served for round two at this point.  
She and Edward were outside now with Carlisle, who was busy manning the grill, quietly chatting about nothing of importance.

There was a chill in the air tonight for sure, but Bella felt pleasantly warm at the moment, even though she hadn't bothered to grab her coat. It might have been a side affect of the beer she'd been sipping on, or perhaps the close proximity between she and Edward as they talked, but whatever it was she now had a much better understanding of Edward's earlier statement, when he'd indicated that he wasn't cold—at all. Again, perhaps it was the beer or maybe even the moonlight, but the more time she spent around him the more attractive she found him—a fact that seemed to generate some sort of unknown heat source within her.

Despite his presence, Carlisle didn't seem to be paying any attention to them, happy to drink his beer and fiddle with the steaks as if he were standing out here all by himself. He was actually just doing what he did best, providing Edward with a calm, undisturbed atmosphere, allowing him to be the one to seek out his company if he so desired. As a bonus however, tonight it wasn't just he and Edward; Bella was there too and he was having a wonderful time covertly spying on the pair as they huddled together just a few feet away, smiling and talking with one another.

"So tell me about all of this traveling you do that everyone keeps bringing up. Seems like you're some kind of adventurer the way they all make it sound." Bella had requested to start this conversation they were currently having.

Edward looked a tad uncertain, possibly embarrassed, when she'd first mentioned it—his tendency to fidget when nervous making a brief appearance, but he went on to explain it anyway as best he could.

"I don't get out much, so I tend to get a bit of cabin fever every now and then. When it gets really bad I just get in the car and drive."  
Edward had never tried to explain this to anyone before, his family being the only people that really knew of this, or any of his other issues anyway. However he knew that he would tell Bella whatever she wanted to know—she needed to know what it was really like for him. He took a sip of his beer to fortify his courage and went on with his explanation.

"I can't bring myself to be around too many people if I don't have to, so when I feel the urge to get away I usually go to out of the way places. It might sound adventurous but my destinations are usually chosen because they provide a change of scenery but still afford me the solitude that I prefer."

"So where all have you been?" Bella asked a touch of wonder in her voice.  
This was prime example of what she found so fascinating about him. He was so limited by his shyness and yet he found ways around it and managed to experience life in his own way.

"It'd be hard to make a list, but I've seen most of Alaska and Washington of course, and the area around where I live in Colorado; I've been to parts of New Mexico, Utah, and even Arizona, but unfortunately I had to skip Phoenix." He grinned a little at the reference to where she'd lived during most of her childhood.

"You didn't miss much," she chuckled seeing a hint of amusement in his eyes that gave away the teasing nature of his comment. She knew better than most just how crowded Phoenix was.

"So what do you do when you go to all of these places?" she asked to keep him talking, because these were the type of things she really wanted to know about Edward. They showed just how much of an enigma he really was. Here was a man that could hardly bring himself to go out and do something as simple as picking up some fast food, but he could apparently just up and drive for hundreds of miles, because he had gotten tired of looking at the same four walls for too long.

"Depends on where I'm at, but most times I'm usually attempting to learn new things."  
He rubbed a hand through his hair and scratched at the back of his neck a little before he looked back up attempting to continue. This was something that he didn't like about himself at all and he worried that she might find it weird or at the very least odd.  
His genius-level IQ aside, he wasn't what one might call a nerd in the traditional sense. He might make computer programs for a living, but he didn't have a priceless collection of comic books hidden anywhere and he didn't spend hours trying to locate vintage sci-fi memorabilia. Even so, he did have one area of interest that he indulged in on a rather frequent basis, which always made him feel like a bit of a freak.

"I don't know how else to explain it other than to say my brain gets bored when I don't feed it on a regular basis."

She nodded, following along, seeming to understand what he was trying to say so he decided to give her a bit more—and the truth was all he had to offer.

"I've always liked nature and I find that being out in it is sort of refreshing but at the same time I'm able to learn from the experiences it provides. In Alaska I studied things like the seasonal habits of caribou; in New Mexico I followed a pack of coyotes for a while and photographed a bunch of scorpions when I could find them. One fall I spent quite a lot of time in Wyoming, which has everything to do with Alice's little comments about me and mountain lions." He confessed.

"How are the steaks coming Dad?" Alice called from the doorway interrupting Bella's next question.

"Almost ready." Carlisle called back.

"Could you guys give a hand? Mom doesn't want to use the dining room tonight so I need some help situating the table." Alice asked, directing her attention to Edward and Bella, who were now standing a bit further apart. They hadn't realized just how much they'd gravitated towards one another while talking but with Alice's sudden appearance they'd begun to feel a bit awkward being so close.

Nodding to acknowledge her request the couple quietly filed into the house, Edward disappointed that their time alone seemed to be over for now, and Bella reminding herself to ask about those mountain lions again later.

The Cullen's formal dining room had everything to do with the word _formal_. It was big and lavishly decorated in a style that would please anyone in high society, but it was a tad stuffy and therefore rarely used unless they really needed the space. Esme preferred instead to have the family enjoy their meals together at the much smaller table situated in the breakfast nook that was located just off from the kitchen.  
The table in its present condition would comfortably seat four, but with the addition of a removable leaf it could expand to accommodate more. Alice had left Edward and Bella to insert said leaf, while she went off to collect the plates and silverware.

"I guess that shows how often they need to break out the expander, huh?" Bella mentioned, running her hand across the surface of the table where there was a significant difference in the coloring of the wood—the insert being much darker and less worn than the rest of the table.

"I guess so." Edward sighed, taking to heart that one reason could very well be his usual absence from this table. However, before he had time to dwell on things for too long another little burst of activity had thankfully drawn his attention elsewhere.

"Edward darling, could you come open the wine? I can't seem to get this darn cork to budge." Esme asked carrying the bottle in question with her, still struggling with it despite having decided to seek some help.

Before he could even take hold of the bottle, Carlisle had appeared with a tray full of perfectly prepare meat, leading Alice and Bella to go off and retrieve the rest of their table setting and the remaining food still warming in the kitchen.  
Finally having a look at his mother's handy work, Edward decided that he'd be purchasing her some type of user friendly uncorking devise for the next gift giving occasion—she had always been rather hopeless with a traditional corkscrew.

Esme had intended to leave the wine with Edward and go back to help the others with the rest of the food, but she suddenly found herself just watching all of the activity around her. She was struck by just how much she'd missed all of this.  
Carlisle was at the head of the table doling out portions of steak for everyone as Edward went about pouring the wine, once Bella had distributed glasses around the table. And then there was Alice, who was busy tossing the plates out with her usual gusto—every bit as efficient as a Las Vegas card dealer. At any moment she wouldn't even be surprised to see the napkins pop up into little origami shaped animals with the way her daughter was flitting about.  
She was only made to realize just how lost in her own thoughts she had become, when Carlisle eventually came around and took her arm, pulling out the chair opposite of his usual seat at the table, inviting her to join everyone.

"Bella, go sit by Edward; I want to be next to Jazz tonight." Alice said dictating the rest of their seating arrangements.

"Jasper's coming? I thought he was still out of town." Bella asked in confusion, though she never hesitated to take the seat situated next to Edward's. And of course nobody missed how Edward had stood waiting for his mother and now Bella to be seated before taking his own; he'd even gone so far as to pull her chair from the table in the same manner as his father had done for his mom.

"No, he's still in Virginia till Friday," she made a face as if the word _Friday_ actually tasted bad, "but that doesn't mean he won't be here in spirit." Alice explained while propping up a framed photo of Jasper behind the extra plate sitting to her right.  
Bella had thought it odd that there was seating for six tonight but she was still too distracted around Edward to be rational enough to have inquired about that earlier.

"And people think that I'm strange." Edward mumbled under his breath, just loud enough for Bella to hear.  
He was obviously just teasing his sister but she didn't like the fact that he thought people would find him strange. Without thinking before she'd acted she allowed her hand to find his knee under the table. It was meant to be a comforting gesture but it soon became obvious that it managed to cause the opposite effect.

Edward had already picked up his knife and fork along with everyone else. He'd actually been attempting to cut into his first bite of steak when he felt Bella's gentle touch, which caused his knife to slip and squeak loudly against the china plate, his body jerking visibly from the surprise of it all. Bella retracted her hand immediately, she and Edward both turning about forty shades of red in just a matter of seconds.

He knew how his comment must have sounded to Bella and he appreciated her thoughtfulness but he'd been unprepared for such just yet. Their limited contact so far had been cautious and somewhat expected given the situations, but here sitting at his parent's dinner table he hadn't seen that one coming—though he would never consider her touch unwelcome.

Carlisle cleared his throat in an attempt to draw everyone's attention away from them for a moment.  
He'd seen exactly what had happened given his vantage point from the seat the other side of Bella, and he may well have been using the cough to disguise the sudden urge he'd had to giggle, but it made him feel better to think that he was just trying to help the both of them out.

"Could you pass me the potatoes, Alice?" he requested as well.

"Sure." Alice smiled knowingly, but she was still willing to play along.

Silence had settled over the table, everyone suddenly content to just enjoy the food for a few minutes and let the moment pass, but Bella was busy feeling horrible.  
Her plan had been to show everyone tonight just how well Edward was doing—how capable he really was, and she'd thought that things had been going rather well up till now. Alice and Esme both seemed rather excited to say the least, taking every opportunity to up sell all of Edward's best qualities to her; and Carlisle had witness quite a long conversation between the two of them just before. But now Bella was feeling flustered and uncomfortable in front of everyone. She felt like they were now being placed under a microscope to be studied and observed like some rare oddity.  
Perhaps it was that she'd somehow underestimated just how intense her own shyness had a tendency to be, because she would love nothing more right now than to hide herself away for a while and recover from her embarrassment.

Bella kept playing with the food on her plate trying to figure out how to apologize to Edward for the poor decision she'd unconsciously made, but she knew that any attempt to speak with him right now would only draw more attention and likely end up requiring an explanation.  
As she sat thinking, Bella was vaguely aware that some form of conversation had started up, but she couldn't force herself to focus and pay attention. She finally tried some of her food but couldn't taste a thing. She was officially mortified—so disappointed with herself knowing that she'd managed to embarrass Edward in front of his family when all she really wanted to do was stand up and sing his praises.

Edward had felt the heat rush to his head as soon as his hand had slipped, but he couldn't help it; he just wasn't use to having this much attention trained on him. He felt bad about his reaction as soon as he'd let his glance wander in Bella's direction. She may think that she was fooling him, but he'd talked to her and been around her enough to know that she was indeed shy, maybe not quite as shy as he was but shy nonetheless.

It had been a long and interesting day and a half for them both, but he felt like she had been doing most of the work up to this point. She had been patient and understanding, never judgmental or frustrated; even witnessing his minor breakdown this afternoon she had been nothing short of supportive. It broke his heart to see her sitting there so quiet and detached from everyone, knowing that she was embarrassed and likely concerned that she'd upset him. He figured that it must be his turn now—she needed him to reassure her that everything was okay.

Bella couldn't ignore the movement that she noticed out of the corner of her eye. She took a deep breath and forced herself to look up just in time to see Edward set his wineglass back on the table; then with the same hand she saw him rub at his forehead a little before letting it descend and pull on his shirt collar a few times.

_What was he trying to work up to_, she wondered.  
It didn't take a smart person to put two and two together, and she'd been paying close attention to anything he did lately. She knew by now that his fidgeting meant something unexpected was about to happen.

As soon as his hand had disappeared from sight, Bella felt it take hold of hers underneath the table.  
Someone could have pushed her over with a feather just then, as he looked in her direction out of the corner of his eye, his head down and his body tense. He moved their joined hands until hers once again rested just above his knee, where she had touched him before. After leaving his hand atop hers for a few seconds he let go and resumed eating, her hand still lightly touching his leg.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?" she responded, her head swiveling in Alice's direction.  
It sounded sort of like she'd been trying to get her attention for a while but Bella hadn't been able to focus on anything other than the fact that she was touching Edward, and that he had apparently wanted her to.

"I was just asking if you were still planning to go see Charlie this weekend?"

"Oh, umm yeah, that's the plan anyway." She nodded taking a bite of her salad.  
She had to assume that her little funk must have been pretty obvious for Edward to see the need to gain her attention in such a way, so for now she would have to do better.

"Did you ever get that little skip in your truck looked at?" Carlisle asked, just like any concerned father would.

She shook her head looking guilty.  
"I haven't had time; but Dad tells me that Billy's son Jacob is pretty good with cars. I thought I might let him look at it while I'm there. It doesn't do it unless I try to go over fifty anyway." She added, trying to make the nature of the problem seem less important.

"I could take a look at it for you." Edward volunteered. "You shouldn't try driving by yourself all the way to Forks if something might really be wrong."

"That's not a bad idea, Son. And you know I still have all of those tools in the garage out back if you need to borrow anything." Carlisle mentioned gesturing with his fork as he continued to eat, as if Edward's offer hadn't shocked the rest of the table into silence once again.

"It's really not a big deal…" Bella tried to reiterate.

"Bella," Edward stalled her protest, his hand going under the table to find hers that was still resting upon his knee, "It's not a problem, I work on my cars all the time. It's something that I enjoy doing—plus, I want you to be safe."

"I think that it's a wonderful plan." Esme chimed in.

Bella glanced in her direction and thought she might have seen a tear or two forming in his mother's eyes all of a sudden.

Good grief, how was she supposed to say no?

"You and Edward could come by one day this week and bring the truck so that he'll have everything he might need right here. And I've got a new recipe for this cake that I'm dying to tryout. You could be my baker's assistant, just like you use to be back when you and Alice were in school, while he's busy."

"If you're sure you don't mind?" Bella looked at Edward and saw a triumphant smile staring back at her—he was obviously pleased with himself once again.

"How about tomorrow, after you've had some time to read a while?" he offered, giving her hand that he still held a little squeeze.

"Okay." She conceded.

With that out of the way dinner continued on with relative ease. Bella finally realized that their little discussion over her truck—though she hated that everyone was so concerned over its condition, had actually accomplished the very thing that she had been hoping for tonight. Best of all, Edward had taken it upon himself, whether he'd really intended to or not, to show them just how much progress he was making. And to say that they'd all been pleased was quite an understatement.  
She hadn't forgotten entirely about the earlier mishap, but she was finally feeling a little better.

After they were all full and satisfied with the meal, Alice and Bella started to clear the table, while Edward excused himself to go outside and have a look around the garage, wanting to get reacquainted with the space before he had to make use of it tomorrow.

Esme poured she and Carlisle another glass of wine and carried the drinks out back so that she could keep her husband some company while he cleaned up the grill, happy to let the girls take care of cleaning up inside.

"I can hardly believe it." She said quietly, while watching Edward walk across the backyard.

"You should have seen them earlier. They literally gravitate towards one another and I don't even think they realize it." Carlisle smiled.

"Do you think that this is serious between them?" Esme wondered.

"I can't say for sure, though I do feel like whatever this is will be a rather slow process. They talk easy enough, but did you see how jumpy he is—was? Hell, they both were. It was all I could do not to snort wine through my nose."  
He finally did laugh at the memory of it now, but at the time he'd felt sorry for them both. Here were two adults, both exceedingly intelligent and caring individuals, yet they were so inexperienced that they were now having to learn together what most people had already fumbled their way through at a much younger age.

"Charming." Esme chuckled, "I can't understand why everyone seems to think that you are so refined and compassionate. They obviously don't know you the way that I do."

"I wouldn't want anyone else to know me the way that you do." He responded with a mischievous wink.

Back inside, with everyone else being occupied, Bella and Alice were content to be quietly putting away leftovers and washing up dishes together. This was something the two of them had done on a regular basis many times over the years that they had known one another; but tonight the atmosphere was somewhat different.

"So you never said exactly when you thought you might be leaving for Forks." Alice casually interrupted the silence after a while.

"I hadn't given it much thought really. I figured that I'd leave Friday and come back Saturday initially, but I haven't called to check in with Charlie this week so I don't know his schedule." Bella elaborated, taking the plate that Alice had passed to her so she could dry it.

"Well, Jasper should be home by then, and I was thinking with the apartment available and all that maybe I'll just stay there whether you're home or not. You know for that sake of privacy and all. You don't think Edward would mind a few days on his own do you?" Alice finally explained her concern.

"I think you could answer that one yourself." Bella rolled her eyes at such a silly question.

"I'd hoped, but I honestly didn't think that Edward would be sticking around this long. Now with the idea of having some time alone with Jasper, but you being out of town for a few days, I'm kind of torn over what I should do." Alice leaned up against the counter looking sort of worn out for a change. "I so want to spend as much time with my brother as I can, but I haven't seen Jasper in over a week."

"Alice, I think you maybe underestimate Edward sometimes. I think he's totally capable of being in a house by himself for two nights, so that you can get freaky with Jasper if that's what you want to do. I don't know that I'd tell him that those are your plans for the night though." Bella was laughing finally at how worried Alice was about her older brother.  
Again, no wonder he tried to avoid having to witness this type of thing.

"It's really pretty awesome how he offered to fix your truck." She smiled, turning back to the sink and the rest of the dishes finally. "He'll probably end up overhauling the whole thing, just to make sure that you're _safe_."

"Why do I feel like everyone's suddenly twisting my arm over this? I have half a mind to say I'm not going to Forks this weekend just so that everyone will stop picking on my truck." Bella chuckled.

"You might want to ask Edward about that twisting sensation, since he was the one busy holding your hand over there." Alice pointed out with a little smirk.

_Oh god, had it been that obvious to everyone_, she wondered just as the glass she was attempting to dry slipped right through her fingers and shattered around her feet.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Here it tis folks, the end of our night at the Cullen's. Once this little event is finally behind us we can begin to move forward a bit more, however I do count this chapter as _progress_ ;)  
And I'd love to say hi to all of the new readers that have discovered this story recently, and a big thank you to everyone for all those wonderful reviews.

Chapter 12

The remainder of the evening was relatively uneventful, aside from the usual goodbyes and of course everyone gathering out on the porch to see Edward and Bella off.

"Just keep your eyes forward and pretend they aren't there. We'll be out of here in just a minute." Bella whispered in response to Edward's uncomfortable moan of annoyance when he realized that his family was still standing outside _watching_.

They were walking out to the car, a respectable distance between them so when she spoke Edward had to lean in so that he'd be able to hear her; in doing so he placed his hand unthinkingly on Bella's lower back. It was just a simple case of having to accommodate their significant height difference and a need to keep their discussion quiet in front of such an audience, but the motion caused Alice to make some sort of noise that sounded like a cross between a giggle and a shriek. It was either in response to seeing such a gesture of familiarity or she was pretending to be a cockatoo on crack. It was such a funny moment that Bella couldn't even hold back the bark of laughter that escaped her as Edward opened the passenger door before quickly retreating to the other side.

She had been taken of guard by just how different her friend's family had seemed tonight. It wasn't as if their behavior was a bad thing exactly—it just wasn't what she was use to, and she knew that it had everything to do with Edward. Carlisle was a bit more quiet than usual and Esme was far more talkative; Alice though always prone to the most random behavior suddenly seemed capable of actually outdoing herself. Fortunately, before the night had ended, Bella had been able to get a few reviling answers out of her friend following the incident in the kitchen.

While Alice helped Bella clean up the remnants of glass scattered around the kitchen before anyone was made aware of her clumsy little moment they'd talked a bit more; Alice explaining that she didn't mean to embarrass her and that she wasn't trying to turn whatever this connection that she and Edward had managed into something that it wasn't. Her teasing comment had only been a side affect of her happiness.

"You of all people cannot blame me for saying what's on my mind." Alice had laughed.

And maybe that's all it had been. She was learning something new all the time and she was well aware by now that most people, even the most outgoing and confident types had their moments of nervousness.  
So perhaps it was indeed just their overwhelming desire to make Edward feel comfortable and welcome had in turn made them feel a bit jittery and out of sorts. It didn't really seem to matter the reason, their being out of sorts had certainly thrown Bella for a loop, but at least she now understood.

"Glad that's over with." She finally sighed once Edward had them headed back down the vacant highway.

"I thought you were looking forward to tonight." He teased.  
He'd kept his facial expression neutral as if speaking in all seriousness but Bella could hear the humor in his voice.

"I _was_." She grumbled, "but then somebody had to go and loud me out for touching their leg."

He could hear the sarcasm and he knew that his awkward reaction had to have seemed funny, but he still felt terrible for bringing that type of attention to her. It was only because they hadn't had any time alone since dinner that he had yet to offer her any sort of explanation for his behavior.

"I don't suppose I'm allowed to apologize for that?" he pleaded a little.

Bella shook her head, "You already made up for that, not that you ever had to in the first place."

"It was just a surprise you know," he promised.

He could tell that she wasn't looking for an apology or even an explanation per se, but he'd already decided that she should know what had brought on his reaction in the first place. It was something they might have already discussed after all, had he been more confident. And it was something that he would need to explain eventually should their relationship progress in a manner that he was now hoping it might.

Bella watched his hold the steering wheel tighten, his fingers digging into the leather as he stared off at the road ahead of them. When his grip relaxed he removed his right hand from the wheel altogether and let his arm rest on the console between them.

"Quite a pleasant surprise actually." He grinned, turning his hand palm up, offering it too her.

Bella looked back and forth between his outstretched hand and his relaxed expression. Before enough time could pass that he might begin to second-guess himself she reached out and let her hand settle safely inside of his.

"When we get back to the house I'll show you why your touch startled me so" he promised closing his hand around hers, "aside from the most obvious reason of course."

She couldn't contain her smile suddenly. She had this intense urge to call Alice and see if she might be able to imitate that fucked up bird impression herself for a few minutes, because the feel of his strong hand holding on to hers and this calm, casual demeanor he'd managed to adopt over the past few minutes was making her body hum with energy.

"I've noticed that your hands are always sort of cold." Bella mentioned after a moment, realizing the truth of that statement when she noticed that most of his hand, though he'd been holding on to hers for a few minutes by now had yet to warm up at all.

"Uhh yeah," he looked a bit uncomfortable for the first time since they'd left his parent's house.

She felt him try to release her hand but she tightened her grip, unwilling to let him go.

"I didn't mean it was a bad thing, I was just wondering if they were always like that." She corrected her meaning.

Edward smiled gently and moved their hands so that hers could rest upon his leg, much as he had done earlier in the evening at the dinner table.

"Two seconds." He requested patting the top of her hand before he let go and reached for the heater controls on the dash. He made a slight adjustment for her comfort and then placed his hand back on top of hers, leaving them resting against his leg.

"I do have cold hands, but that's all part of the explanation I wanted to share once we get back to the house."

"Okay." Bella agreed without making a fuss or feeling any need to ask further questions. The fact that Edward had willingly taken her hand, repeatedly now was enough to keep her content for quite some time.

"May I?" he asked a bit later, moving his hand from its position atop hers once again, reaching for the radio this time.

The subtle nod of her head was rewarded by the gentle sound of piano music flooding the car's interior.

Edward was trying his best to stay focused on Bella while he drove them home but his mind was threatening to take off on another journey entirely. Using some music to provide enough distraction so that he wouldn't need to be quite as available, he began to relax a little and give in to his need for some time alone with his thoughts.  
The weight of her tiny little hand resting against his leg felt wonderful and he selfishly wanted to find any excuse that he could to keep her comfortable with such contact, but he needed a moment to wrap his mind around what he would need to tell her later.

It had been a bit earlier, before they had left his parent's tonight that Edward had been able to make a few solid decisions.

He'd realized during the brief perusal of his father's garage that over the past day and a half he'd shared more information about himself with Bella than he'd ever communicated to anyone in pretty much his entire life and that knowledge was suddenly invaluable to him. It made him think about things that he usually took for granted—made him realize that he could do more.

Talking with his father or sister was easy; his mother however was usually a different story. Esme was always so well meaning and kind with her words, but Edward generally felt like he was being interrogated. He knew that he wasn't very forthcoming with information and that his mother was just interested in what was going on in his life, but he never felt much need to talk about himself. That is until he'd met Bella.  
He had to wonder, if he could talk so openly with a girl he hardly knew then why was it so hard to share that side of himself with a woman that he knew loved him more than anyone else on the planet?

He had told Bella just a little over an hour before that when he traveled away from his home he usually did so because he was looking to learn something new and tonight he felt as though he'd already accomplished that many times over. Bella was teaching him to discover a whole new way to communicate—a way that could comfort and encourage; something that would show affection and acceptance; a way to speak without words.

After he'd emerged from the garage he spent a few moments out on the porch with his mother and father, before going inside to collect Bella. He wanted his mother to see that he was okay, that he could be _normal, _just like Bella had assured him he was earlier in the day. Emboldened by her confidence he'd actually pursued this conversation with his parents.

"Thanks for having everyone over tonight, I really enjoyed it." He'd told his mother when she'd said how good had been to see him this evening.

"We should really do it a bit more often in that case." Esme smiled.

"Yeah." He agreed easily. "In fact, Bella and I will probably get over here sometime just after noon tomorrow, if that's okay."

"That would be perfect. It will give me some time to run out to the store in the morning and get everything we'll be needing for the cake." The excitement in his mother's eyes at the prospect of spending sometime with Bella tomorrow made him grin. "Did you find everything out in the garage you'll be needing?"

His father's self-assured snort, having overheard the question, made him chuckle but he nodded his head anyway.

"If it's just a skip in the engine it shouldn't be anything more complicated than a few minor adjustments, maybe having to clean some stuff up." He shrugged.

"Are we still discussing how awful my truck is?" Bella had questioned, coming out to find them huddled together chatting.

Edward just smiled while Esme went on to defend his position, agreeing that they all cared too much about her to have her riding around in a vehicle that could potentially leave her stranded some place at any moment. Having a sudden need to prove himself further, Edward took a step closer to his mother and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Couldn't have said it better myself." He nodded, giving Bella a little wink, much like she tended to when she wanted him to know that she understood.

His mother was maybe an inch or so taller than Bella but not much different in overall size. Standing next to her with his arm draped around her, the top of her head just reached his shoulder. When she got over the initial shock of his unprovoked contact he felt her arm come around his waist and her head settle against his chest. The feeling of satisfaction that Edward experienced was almost too much to take. He tightened his hold a bit, giving his mother a little one-armed hug and bent to place a kiss against her temple.  
They had started their goodbyes then, Bella insisting that she needed some rest, since she wanted to be up early in order to get some work done before coming back tomorrow.

Edward had been quite pleased with himself as they walked through the house to collect Bella's coat—that is until his family had felt the need to follow them out.  
She didn't know then that his little moan of annoyance had been because he had wanted to do a lot more than walk her to the car and be on their way. He was suddenly craving some type of contact. She had touched his leg, and he had held her hand, but now he wanted something more. Seeing her smile as she'd said goodnight to his family made him realize just how special she really was. It was obvious to him throughout the night that she was uncomfortable at times, but she did a pretty good job of hiding it from everyone else. He knew that he hadn't made things any easier for her by reacting to his own insecurities, but he appreciated her presence and wanted to show her suddenly just how much she was beginning to mean to him. A simple hug had done wonders for bridging the gap between he and his mother, what he wanted with Bella however, could prove to be so much more.

"Do you still play?" Bella asked, bringing him back from his thoughts. He realized then that the music had faded to silence. "Alice use to tell me all the time about how talented you are."

"Yeah, I play almost everyday still, when I'm home. It's always been sort of relaxing for me."

Edward wondered for a moment if he hadn't maybe been driving a little too fast, seeing that they were already back in Port Angeles and approaching the turn off to the neighborhood. He was a little panicked thinking that perhaps he'd not been as careful as he should have been to keep himself conscious of the present. How long had they been riding along in silence with him still contemplating the past?

"Would you be comfortable playing for me some time?" she wondered making him glance in her direction.

"I uhh…" he hesitated briefly.

He didn't play in front of anyone any more. The only reason he had ever was because his schooling in Chicago had deemed it necessary, a fact that had threatened to drive him slowly insane at the time. He'd never even cared to play in front of his family—only ever playing the piano at his parent's house if everyone had agreed to be elsewhere while he did. They could still hear him and enjoy it, but he wouldn't feel the uncomfortable sensation of having their eyes focused on him.

Her face had started to fall and he knew she was starting to doubt herself.

"I don't…usually have an audience." He explained before he had to hear her dismiss the idea. "I'm sort of afraid to do anything that might make me feel nervous in front of you at this point. I like being comfortable a little too much I guess."

Bella smiled shyly as she turned her hand so that she could give his a little squeeze of understanding.

"It's okay. Maybe one day we'll get there." She conceded.

"I hope so." He nodded with a smile of relief.

They were now parked in the driveway allowing Edward to face her fully. Bella felt a sense of longing in his gaze and she was dumbfounded by the feelings that it created somewhere deep inside.

Every bit of confidence she'd managed to conjure up before they'd gone off to his parent's house tonight had come and gone multiple times over the course of the evening. Now sitting here alone with Edward confidence was no longer necessary. She could be herself with him, ask whatever she wanted—a point that had just been proven; she didn't need to fear that her words would be taken the wrong way, because he would understand that it was never her intention to offend. They were not allowed to apologize in any case, so what would be the point in becoming insecure or embarrassed by something the other would not wish to hold against you.

"Come on." Edward smiled as he opened her door. She was unaware that he'd even gotten out of the car, much less around to the other side already, but she did notice with great pleasure how he'd held his hand out once again, offering it as a way to assist her.  
She slipped her hand into his grasp as she carefully stepped from the car.

"I don't want to keep you up so late tonight, I know you must be tired," Edward said softly as he escorted Bella to the house and through the front door. He kept hold of her hand as he made his way to the living room and turned on the lamp sitting beside her chair, "so why don't we both change for bed then meet back here for a cup of tea, that way we can talk for just a few minute before we crash for the night."

Bella just nodded mutely as she attempted to force herself to let go of him and head downstairs as he'd suggested. Before she could however, he carefully adjusted his hold on the hand he still held and very slowly, very tentatively raised it to his lips. He held her gaze until her hand was only an inch away, then he closed his eyes letting his mouth reverently caress her fingers for a brief moment.

"I should thank you for coming with me tonight." His voice sounded husky and a bit strained all of a sudden. "I should thank you for a lot of things actually."

"Edward?" her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

"I'll be right back." He promised, lightly brushing his thumb over the back of her hand before finally releasing it.

She stood rooted to that very spot watching him ascend the stairs to their right on what appeared to be rather shaky legs. She sympathized completely, hence her own lack of movement. She had to go _down_ the stairs to her bedroom in order to change as he'd requested, but she didn't trust herself to take that first step just yet. Besides if she were to enter the safety of her room, she worried that she'd never be able to find the courage to come back right now. As an alternative she went into the kitchen to put on the kettle for their tea.

Gathering up the mugs and other paraphernalia they would be needing, she wondered about what in the world he could want to tell her about tonight. And what would it have to do with his cold hands or his jumpy reaction to her touch upon his leg?

She stood leaning against the counter rubbing her fingers gently against the spot that he'd kissed on the back of her other hand, while waiting on the water to heat. She'd never experienced such a wonderful sensation. The closest feeling she'd ever had to such was the feel of her hand being held within his, or perhaps the feel of his eyes looking at her with such wonder as he'd done just before, but the feel of his surprisingly soft lips upon her skin was by far the best.

She heard a slight change in the sound coming from the teakettle that indicated it would soon be ready so she turned finally and opened the cupboard to retrieve the box of chamomile.  
Moments later she felt his presence before she ever heard him clear his throat to let her know that he was back. When she turned she saw that he was indeed changed back into the set of nightclothes she'd seen him in this morning.

"I can finish up here if you want to go ahead and change." He offered kindly.

"It's alright. I was thinking of taking a quick shower before bed tonight and I didn't want to make you wait." She made an excuse.

"Okay." He nodded. "In that case how about I go ahead and show you what I was talking about earlier."

She nodded her approval, not really sure what else to say.

He was rubbing his fingers back and forth along the hem of the t-shirt that he wore and his face was reflecting some sort of uncertainty, but surprisingly it wasn't to the same degree that she'd come to expect.

"Alice jokes a lot about my little habit of umm…exploring nature. I think that she does it because its easier to make fun of me for it, than it is to worry over what might happen to me when I'm out there all alone." He started to explain, but the teakettle whistling its readiness interrupted.

He walked over and assisted Bella with making the tea, when they were finished they took their cups to the table and sat down next to one another. Bella placed her hand on the table top as an offer if he should want some encouragement, and she was pleased to see that he'd taken hold of it without hesitation.

"I went to Wyoming that time because I had started reading about mountain lions one summer. When the weather started to change I was feeling the need to get out and do something different so I figured I might go see if I could locate a few out in the wild and do a little research—see if what I had been reading was really all that accurate."

It was hard to contain her excitement hearing that he was going to finally explain whatever this big secret was about the mountain lions, but she was too intrigued to risk interrupting his train of thought with questions. She was however terribly confused about what this had to do with why her touch had startled him so.

"You see mountain lions are just like most of the big cats in the wild, they are very solitary animals, almost always living alone.  
They tend to be quite intelligent and they use this to their advantage in a lot of ways for hunting and finding shelter, since most usually wander great distances and never really take to the company of others…except of course to mate." He rubbed the back of his head a little with his free hand before continuing.

"They are extremely protective of those they do decide to mate with, and they're actually thought to be monogamous, despite not necessarily staying with the mate long term. They might go their separate ways when the mood strikes, but they always seem to come back to each other somehow when in heat, which is pretty uncommon in the animal world, especially for such nomadic creatures."

He looked away finally, unable to keep eye contact as he confessed the embarrassing reality of his fascination with the animal.

"They just reminded me so much of myself, the way that I am, the way that I think; I would be…I'm not sure why…but," he glanced up briefly needing to see her reaction. "I wanted to see for myself how they lived, how they made such a lifestyle work for them. I thought that it might help me understand myself, maybe make me see that I'm not the only creature that feels the way I do."

Bella let go of where she'd been holding onto her mug of tea and reached for their clasped hands with her free one, giving Edward the reassurance that she understood.

He smiled gently and tightened his hold on hers a bit before taking his hand away.  
She watched as he pushed back from the table and bent forward lifting his right pant leg up above his knee. There on the front of his shin, just below the knee and coming around halfway to the back of his leg were three pale pink scars running parallel to each other that covered some six inches or more of his skin.

"I wasn't paying enough attention one morning when I was out observing this one cat while they hunted. I didn't realize that this particular lion was out with his mate and apparently I'd gotten too close to where she was."

Bella tentatively reached out to touch the scars. Edward reached out as well, to cover her hand as she came in contact with his bare knee.

"I don't have much feeling right along here anymore, he said guiding her hand the length of his wound. "I can only really begin to feel you starting here." He explained moving her hand a bit higher—to the same place he'd been strategically placing her hand when he could tonight. "Because I lack any sensation if you touch me here, it's a bit more sensitive where I can feel."

"And your hands?" Bella asked tears pooling in her eyes. She couldn't see any obvious damaged to his hands or his arms that would account for an injury that would cause something to be wrong in that area, but she instinctually knew that her question about his hands and the story he was telling her about the incident with this protective mountain lion and his mate, where somehow connected.

Edward took a deep breath and stood up from the table. He closed his eyes and reached for the collar of his t-shirt, pulling up and over his head. He discarded the t-shirt onto the table and stood, his eyes still closed, his brow deeply furrowed before Bella.

She had been unprepared for his action, but more so for the sight of him being shirtless in front of her.  
She had seen evidence of the light dusting of hair on his chest earlier and repeatedly throughout the evening, his shirt being unbuttoned as it was, but that had not prepared her for just how wonderful it suited him, tapering down over the taught lines of his stomach, darkening with its abundance the further down his torso she allowed her gaze to wander. And she'd felt some indication as to just how firm and well muscled his upper body was earlier in the day when she'd talked herself into giving him a friendly hug, but _seeing_ it was truly a sight to behold.

Her eyes changed direction and traveled up the length of his equally impressive arms, coming to a halt at the curve of his right shoulder when she felt her breath suddenly leave her. A scar almost identical in size and color was there, interrupting the beauty of his perfectly pale skin.

He felt her moving towards him but he dared not move or open his eyes. He felt vulnerable and exposed standing before he as he was, but when he felt her light touch upon his shoulder he felt as though he'd likely begin melting at any moment.

"I shouldn't have been so close, but fortunately I wasn't without my truck near by, and I've always been a pretty fast runner." His voice trembled as she made her way behind him, her hand following the path of the scar over his shoulder and around to the middle of his back.

"I couldn't tend to this wound as well as I could to the one on my leg, so there was a bit of nerve damage and I have some problems with circulation in my arms now, hence the coldness of my hands. The right is worse than the left." He told her, just before he felt her place a soft kiss against his back, right where he knew the scar would end.

"Does it hurt?" she mumbled almost inaudibly.

"Only because I know what my stupid obsession was able to do to my family—how badly my being hurt affected them."

Edward raised his arm and turned until Bella was again standing in front of him. He then settled his hand on her lower back and brought her marginally closer to him.

"When you're ready Bella, I want you to feel comfortable with me like this." He told her, while settling her hands atop his shoulders. "_I_ want to be comfortable with you like this."

"Edward," she looked up becoming lost in his eyes, "I have scars too you know, mine aren't as easy to see, but they affect the way that I feel as well." There was apology in her voice and he knew exactly what she was talking about.

God bless Alice and her foresight. He didn't take her words as any sort of rejection, he instead knew that this was her way of opening up to him.

"We're learning Bella and I understand that this will take time, for both of us, but I'm here for you. As long as you want me to be." He assured her reaching a hand up to gently brush her tears aside.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I know that this is NOT the chapter that many of you will be expecting or necessarily appreciating after that last one, but it is very important to the purpose of this story. If you pay attention, every reason I could list as to why is mentioned within the chapter, but in a nutshell its important to remember that though we've made it through 12 chapters, our Bella and Edward have only known each other for a few days and have only been talking to one another for less than 2 of those.  
These people have a lifetime of insecurities, in Edward's case, and many years of self-doubt in Bella's, to overcome; and unfortunately it just ain't that easy.

Another lil reminder: I posted this story in the "Mature" readers section for a reason, we will eventually be drifting into very adult situations, contained within this chappie is a very mild, reference to what we might expect in the future. You have been warned :)

Chapter 13

Bella was tossing and turning, unable to sleep. She'd been desperately trying to get some rest for the past several hours but it seemed that sleep would be eluding her tonight. Finally unable to take it any longer she dragged herself out of the bed, threw on a sweatshirt she had tossed onto the floor a few nights before and trudged slowly up the stairs.  
She had wanted to get some work done this morning so that she'd feel better about going out of town on the weekend but she never expected that she'd be getting started at _four_ in the morning.  
She didn't bother with the lights as she made her way into the kitchen to start the coffee so she stumbled over herself a few times on the way, but eventually managed her destination. With the coffee pot all set she returned to the living room and settled into her chair to begin what promised to be at least a few solid hours of torture.

She could do this type of work blindfolded and thank goodness for it, as Bella knew the reason for her insomnia and was still suffering through it. She couldn't stop thinking about Edward.  
Last night, in the very kitchen she had just been in, Edward had all but declared his intentions to her, and fortunately he was patient enough to understand her need for some time and space. She now felt just how ironic that this realization truly was, but at the time the situation had been threatening to pull her into a tailspin.

He'd released her easily, caressing her hair as he did so, a face full of sorrow and restraint looking down upon her.

"I hope you sleep well." She whispered, bringing an end to their evening together.

"You too." He responded.

After taking his shirt from the table he slipped it on and turned back to her. She now recalled him adjusting the placement of his glasses in a very self conscious gesture, but then she couldn't even remember noticing his glasses at all—all she could see was _him_.

"I'll see you in the morning, Bella." He promised reaching out to give her hand one final squeeze before leaving her for the night.  
She'd turned out the light then and drifted down the stairs in a daze.

She was mentally and emotionally exhausted from such a long and trying day but Bella found herself suddenly wanting to do a thousand things.  
She couldn't decide if she ought to take that shower she'd been looking forward to or if she might be better off just climbing into bed, praying for sleep to come and take away the rambling thoughts that she couldn't seem to control any longer. She had debated calling Alice to talk things through—perhaps her mother or Rosalie would be a better choice however, being that the topic she wished to discuss was none other than her best friend's brother. Which also brought to mind the dilemma she was having between whether or not to just jump in her truck right then and drive over to Forks avoiding this situation all together for a few days, or should she possibly just march herself up the stairs and have her way with him and get the inevitable out of the way already.

She really wished _that_ hadn't been her most desired option; it made her feel dirty and perhaps a bit deviant to consider taking advantage of a man like Edward, and she was shocked to even think that she might actually be capable of it in the first place. Truth be told, she feared the level of intensity his touch, his look—just his mere presence seemed to provoke and yet she would be lost without it at this point.  
It left her feeling so confused.

Why did he have to be so perfect, so tender and kind—possess an understanding of her needs like no other? If he were like every other man or boy she'd ever met then she wouldn't want him so badly. She could continue to live her life free of complications and the type of unsettling encounters she'd just willingly experienced—but did she really want that?  
Could she accept that Edward would not only be someone she wanted to be with emotionally, but also physically? Did she really have the strength to try?

She'd talked herself into being there for him, helping him face and overcome his issues, but did she have it within her to face her own—for real this time?

It's no secret that fear will do strange things to even the most confident people, and Bella was far from the most confident.  
But she knew that it was his fault; he had done that to her.  
James had damaged something important and left her without a way to recover. The words that he'd said the promises that he'd made—they were all still fresh in her mind even after all these years. She could hear them when she'd sleep and she had no way to escape the awful feelings they dredged up inside of her each and every time.

She couldn't tease him, she wouldn't be able to deny him, and she wanted him but just didn't know it yet. It was just about sex—it didn't _mean_ anything. She was too tempting for her own good, and she needed to be taught a lesson.

Why couldn't she just believe everyone but him?  
Alice had tried, her mother had insisted, Dr. Montgomery reminded her twice a week for over a year—it was so bad at one point that Charlie, her emotionally stunted father, had even taken a stab at it. But after everything that had been said and done, somewhere deep inside Bella still believed all of those hurtful words that James had said to her, even though she knew that he had been wrong.

Likewise, on some level, Bella knew that Edward was not James; he was the furthest thing from him in fact. But had she been tempting him, teasing him? —Had she just denied him? She had no idea.

As the years passed and Bella put some distance between her past and the present she'd gotten much better at pretending. Her parents were pleased to see such improvements and Alice was always there to praise her when she'd attempt new things.  
She did feel comfortable with her goofy little friend after all, it was the way she listened and never judged, _her_ reassurance came from somewhere outside of the norm. She didn't have to be nice to Bella. There was no rule that said she needed to be her friend, but she was anyway. She'd gotten so much better since she'd known Alice, but then came Edward—and she suddenly didn't feel like pretending anymore.

From the beginning she'd felt like she owed this to Alice. It was a way to show her how much she'd always appreciated her kindness and understanding—it was a way to say thank you. On some other level she wondered if this experience might be good for her, a way to see if after all of this time she might finally be capable of trusting someone.  
And one of the most wonderful things about it was that right from the start she wasn't scared of Edward.  
The issues that Alice had described to her that first morning made him seem harmless and potentially indifferent to her own state.

She wasn't supposed to, but she did feel sorry for him, because at least in her own case, she had a real reason for being the way that she was, it was a choice she'd made to make her life easier. Edward however didn't seem to have such a specific trauma hanging over his head. He was just a beautifully bashful man in need of a friend and she could use a friend like him, since he was awfully pretty to look at, yet someone she didn't feel the need to hide from.

She had hated that his appearance was such a motivating factor but she couldn't seem to help herself. Besides this was supposed to just be temporary; he would go home and resume his normal life at some point, and perhaps when he decided to visit again they could be more comfortable with one another and be able to avoid the awkwardness that their initial introductions had been—it was a win-win situation.

But it was only after she'd committed herself to this little project that she determined that for the first time in her life she truly wanted to impress a man. She had underestimated his appeal and the level of pent-up desire she had apparently been harboring for all these years. Edward had suddenly become a very pleasant surprise, something that had the potential to change her life. By helping him she was subconsciously helping her self and she felt a tremendous sense of relief knowing that she could truly be comfortable with a man. He wasn't just a handsome face—he was so much more.

But now this was all beginning to move so fast. The short day and a half that they had really been talking and learning about one another seemed like it had lasted a lifetime, but in essence it was no time at all. They could have completely forgone sleep in favor of spending every second of their days together and it still wouldn't have made much difference at all. So many years of fear couldn't be erased that simply, no matter how tempting the alternative might seem.

She wanted to trust him, and on some level she knew that she already did, but she wasn't ready. She didn't trust herself yet.

Now sitting here this morning, Bella was able to remember that early on it had been her job to make Edward feel comfortable and safe, now it would seem that the tables had been turned and she would need him to return the favor.

Bella looked back at the scribbles and notations she'd marked on the pages before her and realized with great satisfaction that she was making progress. Her night had been complete and utter shit after Edward had walked away from her with promises of seeing her in the morning. She had obsessed and fretted over her own complicated issues and her understanding of what was happening between them, but she'd been unable to reach any solid conclusions—except for one thing. She was falling in love with Edward and she was powerless to fight against it. She didn't really want to anyway, but what she needed most was to figure out a way to get past her inner demons. She needed a little time away from everything, some space to think.

Asking herself last night the all-important question—did she want to pursue a real relationship with Edward—a romantic relationship with all that it would entail? The answer had come in the form of one big hell yes!

With that in mind she went to her closet and grabbed a bag; she threw a pair of jeans and a couple of shirts inside, not really caring which they were. She went to her dresser and opened several drawers picking out various other essentials. That done she zipped up her bag and headed for the shower. After making quick work of her routine she toweled dry and put on her favorite sleep clothes—an old pair of sweats and one of her father's Forks PD t-shirts. She brushed out her damp hair and pulled it up into a messy twist at the back of her head. She then gathered a few chapters from the manuscript she'd been working on, settled across her bed and began to read. A while later she'd finally managed to doze off, only to awaken after a few hours of fitful sleep.

She would have to find a way to talk to Edward at some point today and tell him that she'd be leaving for Forks tonight. She wouldn't want him to worry so she'd let him work on her truck first and spend some time trying to explain her situation before she attempted her escape. She wasn't going to run away forever just for long enough to make sure she was ready for him when she returned.

***

After Edward had left her last night he'd had no way of knowing that she was down in her room facing such internal turmoil. He was too busy upstairs sitting in his sister's bedroom wondering how he was ever going to survive Bella Swan.

Four days ago he'd made a decision to come visit his family. He wanted to take a break from all of the long hours he'd been spending on work and he felt bored sitting around the cabin, rereading all of his books for the umpteenth time; even the things he really enjoyed like his daily exercise routine and the odd bits of maintenance he had to perform in order to keep the cabin in livable condition had become nothing more than stale, repetitive chores. Honestly, he hadn't even been inspired to go out and discover anything new this time around.  
His life had truly become boring.

Then without warning and when he'd least expected it, he was suddenly inundated with more than his poor mind or body could handle.

For three days he'd waited and wondered, and for the past day and a half he'd been just barely keeping his head above water. Bella was turning his whole world upside down.  
He wanted things that he'd never considered before—things he never thought would be possible for him. He suddenly felt like he was seventeen again, leaving one uncomfortable part of his existence behind, ready to discover everything else there was in life and it was all because of her.

Even his body felt like it was seventeen again.

It had been nearly impossible for Edward to function over the past four days knowing that Bella could potentially be in the same house with him at any given moment. He'd been hard more often than not since the first moment he'd laid eyes on her—a fact that truly appalled him.

He was a grown man—a twenty-five year old grown man at that, he _should_ have better control. But alas his hormones were no match for Bella and her innocent beauty.

As he'd sat upstairs he wanted to think about what he should say to Bella in the morning, how they could continue to press forward at a pace that would suit them both, but while trying to debate his options he was unable to think about anything other than his perpetually painful erection which was once again begging to be recognized and subsequently relieved.

He'd already taken countless cold showers, he'd tried breathing techniques that had gotten him through awkward situations while he was a teenager, and he'd even attempted to think of the most nonsexual topics he could formulate, but his mind was singularly focused on Bella.

To make matters worse, he had been trapped in his sister's room at the time for Pete's sake. But even if that had not been the case he still couldn't seem to bring himself to consider helping his situation by conventional means. Masturbating with the object of his lust just two floors below him, no matter how ridiculous this had begun to seem, was hardly an option he was willing to succumb to.

Or could he?

Edward had started to pace the room by then, adjusting himself as needed; the thick flannel material of his pajamas beginning to bother him more and more, but he just couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he'd held Bella in his arms tonight; he'd touched her cheek and caressed her hair for the first time. He was practically begging to suffer at this point his body had tried to reason.

With an oath he'd finally stripped off his shirt and pulled at his pants while making his way into the bathroom. Bella should have had enough time to take her shower by now he'd reasoned, starting the flow of water for himself. The thought of Bella in the shower instantly threatened to take him over the edge with or without any stimulation, so he hurriedly stepped into the shower without regard for the temperature.  
The water was still on the cool side but his body was so heated that he barely even noticed and his manhood was straining so, that he almost didn't even recognize himself when he finally had the courage to look down and take himself in hand.

A growl erupted from deep within his chest immediately, his eyes closing without his permission. Pictures of Bella flashed behind his eyelids, his hand beginning to move in a practiced motion without conscious thought. He wasn't even breathing, just feeling.  
Twisting, turning, pumping, not even a minute had passed and he was sagging against the tile, completely undone but hard as he'd been before he'd even started.

Continuing now at a slower pace, he took deep cleansing breaths to clear his head and add to the feeling; his hand knew just what he liked and his mind knew just what he wanted.

His fantasies had always been faceless nameless women. All of them the same—petite, brunette, and beautiful, they were always Bella though he'd never known. He now had a face and a name to go with the goddess always beneath him in his daydreams.

"Bella." He moaned, his orgasm once again pending.

This girl would be the death of him, he was sure of it.

Exhausted and no longer able to think, Edward turned off the water and towel himself dry as he staggered back into the bedroom, slipping into a pair of boxers before collapsing across the bed. He'd lain there for a long moment trying to forgive himself. He felt weak and shameful for his behavior, like his actions had somehow sullied his true feelings for Bella. She was not an object to be lusted after and fantasized about. He would never take advantage of her that way, or admit that it was something his body obviously desired, but he'd been unable to control himself just now. What was going to stop him if ever he was in a position to have her the way that he wanted?

Edward had pulled himself into a fetal position, tucking the sheets and blankets protectively around him then and willed himself to sleep.  
Perhaps it would be best if he left her for a while. He could go home and remember who he was and what his life was really like for a time, and then maybe he could return and try again once he'd gotten his head on straight. But heaven help him, he could stand the thought of being away from her.

***

"Morning my Bella." Alice sang happily as she skipped into the kitchen after having let herself in. "You're up awfully early."

Bella had given up on her reading after a couple of hours in favor of making breakfast. She figured that Edward might be waking soon and if so she could already have their breakfast ready and waiting. The ulterior motive was that she wanted to go ahead and talk to him this morning and get all of the unpleasantness out of the way as soon as possible.

Because one thing that she had learned long ago was that if something was weighing on her mind it was best to say something sooner rather than later—nothing resolves itself without a little bit of help. All she could do at this point was hope that she'd really gotten to know Edward the way that she thought she had, and believe that he would understand her needs as easily as he seemed to.

"Yep, I've decided to expedite my weekend so I'm looking to get an early start on the day." She tried a smile to go along with her explanation but she felt like something was seriously lacking.

"Oh?" Alice perked up, while pouring herself some of the coffee still warming in the pot.

"I'm thinking that I might head out late this afternoon, see if I can make it to Forks in time to have dinner with Charlie tonight; that way I can take my time getting all packed up, instead of feeling like I have to rush through the process."

"Sounds reasonable." Alice concurred, though she was suddenly suspicious as to the real reason behind her change of plans.  
If she knew anything at all about her best friend it was that she had no ability whatsoever to bend the truth in a believable fashion. Something had definitely happened between last night and this morning.

"Morning." A bleary eyed Edward greeted the kitchen moments later, before Alice had a good chance to analyze the most likely possibilities.

He looked like hell. He was repetitively attempting to smooth down his hair, but he was only making it worse, while his clothing was twisted and rumpled around him as if he'd rolled out of bed and made no attempt at all to straighten his appearance.

"Rough night?" Alice giggled watching him trudge over to the coffeemaker, his eyes practically closed and his arms hanging lifelessly against his sides.

He just grunted in response.

Bella refused to look at him, desperately focused on the pancakes she was turning. She feared that one look in his direction, seeing him straight from the bed, vulnerable and sleepy eyed would break her resolve. Just the sound of his sexy morning voice was already threatening to do it on its own.

Hearing the chair scrap against the floor a moment later, indicating that he'd taken a seat at the table, she finally turned and deposited a stack of pancakes she already had waiting onto the table for everyone.

"So what time are you guys heading over to Mom and Dad's today?" Alice asked after Edward had started eating and she had served herself.

Neither one offered an answer right away.  
Bella however eventually cleared her throat and in a small voice mentioned that they could go whenever Edward was ready, since she'd managed quiet a bit of work already this morning.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked softly keeping his eyes focused on his plate of half eaten food, still too embarrassed to look at her just yet.

Alice had been about to offer that she could meet them and hang out this afternoon as long as they'd be going sometime after lunch, but she was suddenly struck by how different _everything_ seemed this morning.  
Last night had been interesting to watch, wonderful and exciting developments coming into focus with each passing moment. Her brother had smiled constantly, her friend had been blushing and giggling repeatedly, but this morning that had all seemed to have changed.

"I umm…wanted to talk to you this morning about my plans." Bella mumbled, her back still to everyone as she busied herself at the stove.

"Oops, sorry guys, but I need to be getting to work this morning; I really just popped in hoping that you were up so that I could run upstairs and grab a catalog that I'd be needing today. Thanks for the quickie breakfast Bells." Alice had already gotten to her feet and kissed Edward gently on the cheek, taking Bella's words as her official cue. "I might be free after lunch. If you're still over at Mom's, let me know, K." she said stepping up beside Bella. "Call me later." She added softly, with purposeful meaning behind her words.

She excused herself having seen the severe need to give those two some time alone to talk about whatever was going on suddenly. She only hoped that Bella would heed her words and call her so that she might be able to figure out what the hell was going on at some point, for now though, she didn't want to be anywhere near the tension that was threatening to suffocate that room.

With Alice's abrupt departure Edward finally found the courage to look up at Bella for the first time since entering the kitchen to find everyone already awake and busy.  
She was wearing baggy sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt, her hair pulled up into a mess of tangles at the back of her head, but god help him, she was still breathtaking.

"Bella?" he all but whispered, "talk to me, please."

She finally turned to face him. He was slumped in his chair his head in his hands, his elbows resting either side of his plate against the table. He looked like a man who had been utterly defeated.

He didn't know why but there was something in her voice that told him he'd gone too far too fast and he was preparing for the worst already. Her plans had changed and there was no other explanation in his mind as to why that would happen. He'd obviously frightened her with his forward approach.

Bella's heart was hurting as she saw just what kind of power she had over him. She hadn't even attempted to explain her situation or let him know what her thought process had included, but she was somehow already destroying the progress they had made.  
She wanted to hold him, to make the pain and confusion go away, but she was too scared of where that would lead them.

"I'm…" god how she wanted to say that she was sorry, but she wouldn't insult him by doing so. "I think that I should go ahead and leave for Forks tonight…if you think that the truck will be easy enough to repair before then." She told him instead.

"Bella, I have no idea what I'm doing and that scares me to death. I always know the answers, but when it comes to you—to us, I haven't got a clue." His eyes were searching her face, pleading for her understanding.

"Edward I'm not _leaving_, I'm going home like I had planned…I just need some time, that's all." She tried to reassure him.

She didn't think for a second that she could fool him into thinking that her choice hadn't been directly linked to what had happened between them last night, so she refused to deny his assumption.

"I want to figure this out, but I'm too…distracted to be able to think properly right now."

Edward nodded sadly to indicate his understanding.  
He'd felt that very same dilemma during his long restless night so he knew that he should be grateful if anything for her courage to make a decision that would likely benefit the both of them.

"How long will you be away?" he wanted to know.

"Not more than a day or so, I promise." She responded.

He rubbed his hands against his knees a few times fisting his fingers into the fabric of his pajama bottoms, as he appeared to be thinking.

When Bella glanced his way again, his hand was suddenly resting palm up on the table waiting for her to accept his offer.

She didn't have it in her to deny him something so comforting, so she slipped her hand into his easily, offering him a small smile full of apology and promises.

"We'll figure this out, won't we?" he wanted to know.

She nodded and gave his hand a little squeeze.

He was the smartest man she'd ever met and she was already busy building up her determination--somehow she knew that this would all work out, she just had to give herself enough time to gather up a new batch of courage to go along with everything else, because _this_ was what she wanted.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Sorry this one took a while…nothing here but a bit of a transition so that we can move on to the next phase so to speak. Hope you enjoy the little bit of happy I tagged on to the end ;)

Chapter 14

Loud angry music was blaring throughout the garage reverberating off every surface, making the tools that Edward had sitting on the bumper of Bella's truck practically shake.  
True, he may have the background of a highly trained pianist but Edward was not above appreciating other types of music and today all he wanted the mind numbing noise of some classic, teeth rattling metal.  
It was pretty common for Edward to use music as a way to escape, but it also helped him focus—today he was undoubtedly using it for a little bit of both.

His mother and Bella had been gone from the house for a while and Edward had been in his zone, busy trouble shooting problems and figuring out solutions, but he'd grown tired of the silence and the periodic sound of his own voice, as he talked to himself about his troubles with Bella or cussed at stubborn bolts that refused to budge without straining every last muscle in his body—he'd come to think at one point that whatever fool had last worked on this truck must have been some sort of mutant, or they could have been closely related to grizzly bear at the very least. Even with the rust and the wear and tear there was no other way to account for why this thing was fighting him so.  
Finally becoming aggravated by just about everything he'd taken a break and gone inside—up to his old room to root around though the old CDs he'd left there for a few minutes.

CDs in hand, he'd grabbed a soda from the fridge on his way back out and spent the next half hour loading the disk changer that his father had installed that summer when they'd decided to spend time bonding over his old Range Rover.

The music, as loud as it was and as chaotic as it sounded, had begun to sooth him almost instantly. He figured that if he couldn't hear himself think then there was no _need_ to—and that was just the way he wanted things for now.

Earlier in the day Edward had changed into the old outfit that he'd been wearing when he'd arrived on his sister's doorstop a few days ago, before he and Bella made their way over to his parents' house. He had done so because he knew that Alice would never forgive him if he were to get any of the new pieces that she'd picked out for him dirty or damaged while working on Bella's old truck, but he didn't miss one bit of the symbolism his state of dress suddenly seemed to indicate.

No longer wearing designer jeans or high priced shirts, Edward would seem to have basically reverted back into the shy, unspeaking man he'd been before meeting and getting to know Bella, as far as anyone else was concerned. He knew that he was still capable at this point but the thing was, he didn't want to talk and he didn't want to be around anyone right now; he was brooding and moody following his restless night and his equally disappointing morning and he was embarrassed for anyone to see it. He was also angry with himself for not paying more attention or considering other options that might have prevented this setback that he and Bella were now being forced to face.

Additionally, his overall mood aside, he wasn't happy with his own lack of effort today; the only thing he'd said to Bella since they'd gone their separate ways this morning was a simple request while she'd been driving them over to his mother's.

He'd needed her to show him what the truck had been doing, so he asked that she speed up and drive over fifty for a bit. As she followed his orders, slowly accelerating, he'd reached over and turned off the old static prone radio so that he could listen carefully. It didn't take long after the truck had rumbled to its seemingly maximum speed for it to repeatedly stutter and skip. There was a gentle lurching, as it seemed to lose some of its power for a second before resuming the desired speed each time. Bella had carefully backed off of the gas to let the truck run at a slower pace after only a brief moment, unwilling to showcase her truck's deficiencies any more clearly than was necessary.

Edward had simply nodded to let her know that he was satisfied before adjusting the radio back to its previous volume. He then crossed his arms over his chest and returned his attention to the passing scenery. Neither one had anything else to say after that; the most communication they'd managed since being nothing more than a little wave and a pitiful smile that they had exchanged right before she had gone off with his mother.

With that in mind, the only bright spot in his day so far had been determining that the problem with her truck had been as he'd suspected, but he wasn't entirely sure that he was happy about that either.  
He would only need to make a few minor adjustments to her carburetor, clean out the fuel lines that fed into the engine and check to make sure the meager electrical system was firing properly. All total he should be able to get her truck running smoothly after just a few short hours of work, but he really had hoped that it would be something more complex. Not only would he enjoy the challenge, as a way to keep his mind busy, but he also didn't want her leaving with things being the way they were between them. He wanted a reason to insist that she stay for a few more days—hell he would take a few more hours of her time if meant that they could figure some things out and make the easy comfortable connection they'd once felt return.

If he were prone to lying then perhaps he could force himself to tell her that the truck was unsafe, unable to be repaired, or going to take a lot more attention than he'd anticipated, but he knew that he could never bring himself to do that. So instead, as a way to preserve his sanity, hide from his thoughts and release his frustrations, he'd cranked up his music to a decibel level that was sure to drown out his heartache and attempted to press forward.

He would make himself fix her truck as he had promised he would, and he would see her off this afternoon so that she could go visit her father and pack up the things she still hadn't been able to move into the new house yet. Then he would wait on her to come back to him and see if, what he'd hoped was turning into something special between them might still be possible.

On the flipside of things, Esme had been excited about their little outing today, but all Bella could think of was how disappointed she'd been seeing Edward stand next to her after they'd greeted his mother, his hands pushed deep into his pockets and his head bent forward the same as it had been all morning.

"I'll be outside," he'd mumbled softly during one of the few breaks his mother'd had to take in order to breathe during her review of the shopping plan she'd just come up with, before turning on his heel, exiting the same way they had come.  
She knew that things were a little tense and that he was beginning to pull away from her, but their serious lack of communication today was the hardest thing to understand. If only they could talk about things in a bit more detail, then maybe she would feel better about the decisions she'd already made.

Bella had resigned herself to going along with Esme this morning, since their arrival had been so much earlier than anticipated. She didn't want to sit around the house by herself and she didn't feel comfortable keeping Edward company while he got started on her truck, so it had been the best alternative; but with everything that was weighing on her mind today, Bella now felt like she'd been riding around with Edward's mother for hours, even though they'd just taken a quick trip up to the store to gather the ingredients they would need in order to bake this cake that Esme had been so excited about. She should have known that with the Cullen's living on the outskirts of town the way they did, it was always going to be a _trip_ to get any place.

Thinking back, it had been obvious that Esme had noticed the significant change in their demeanor towards one another. She'd given an exasperated sigh after Edward had walked away seeming to almost forget that Bella was still standing there with her. And of course, to offer her some much appreciated consolation, Esme had ushered things along with her usual sense of understanding.

"Come on dear, let me grab my bag and we'll be on our way. Edward prefers a bit of alone time when he's got some project ahead of him anyway."

Once Esme had left her to gather her things, Bella had gone out to the porch for some fresh air and noticed that Edward was nowhere to be found—it was almost as if he'd vanished. In that moment she suddenly realized that this was going to be so much harder than she thought it would be.  
She'd not been able to bring herself to really speak with him since the depressing little exchange that had happened in the kitchen first thing today, and she feared that he wasn't just taking some time to himself. It was becoming clear to her that he was falling back into his old habits, further and further with each passing minute. Knowing that this had been her decision and therefore her fault was something that was beginning to weigh heavily on her mind.

Unable to keep herself from remembering how easy it had seemed in the beginning—all it had taken was a friendly smile and a willingness to be there for him to bring about such a change in his usual demeanor, she was starting to feel her resolve begin to crumble. The memories made her regret having to deal with her own problems just now even more, but she couldn't help that she was feeling scared and uncertain; she hated that her own issues were now causing Edward to seemingly lose what progress he'd been able to make lately.  
Thankfully though, before she had been able to dwell on things for too long, Esme had come to stand beside her, and hooking an arm through one of Bella's they'd headed off towards the garage.

"I'll just go and check with Edward to see if there's anything that we might need to pick up for him and I'll be right with you." Esme told her then, sending her off towards the far entrance of the large four-stalled building that held the Cullen cars.

She had slipped the keys for her conservative BMW sedan into Bella's palm so that she could go ahead and open the car for herself before going off in the other direction to find Edward.  
Bella could see that he already had her truck backed in to the open bay down at the opposite end of the garage, but she really didn't have it in her to go say hello or goodbye or whatever would seem appropriate just then. She wanted to talk to him and try to explain a bit more clearly what she was thinking and feeling but she had no words to express her concerns.  
It wasn't like he had forced her to do anything; he hadn't demanded her consent or pressured her to see his side of things, so in essence she really had no reason to be upset or afraid of what had transpired between them. This left her with no way of explaining her reaction except to share the truth of her past and the fact that she wasn't as recovered from the ordeal as she would like for others to believe.

She was already convinced that Alice or some other member of his well-meaning family might have given him an indication as to her issues, based on his easy understanding and she was actually quite thankful for whomever it had been, for seeing the need to be so upfront on her behalf; had Edward taken things just a bit further last night she would have undoubtedly let him and she would now be regretting their very first _everything._

Bella went ahead and unlocked the car but instead of getting in she stood peering over the top of it so that she could see Edward and his mother talking down the other end of the building, reliving in her mind yet again the events that had led them here.

He'd located a new jacket that Alice had thought to purchase for him this morning; this one was lighter and more of an all-weather variety, to combat the rainy days and the cool windy nights that one could expect around here. It fit him well and she loved the way it added just a little something to the casual clothes he'd changed into today, allowing her to finally conclude that this was his _best_ look.

She could see now that he had already taken the jacket off and had hanging from her truck's passenger side mirror. The hood was up and he was comfortably leaning against the front studying the engine compartment, his hands resting on his hips, his shirtsleeves rolled up to expose the firm, sinewy muscle of his forearms.  
She couldn't hear what was being said but she could see that he was shaking his head ever so slightly from time to time—never making eye contact with Esme as she spoke with him. After this went on for a few moments he finally nodded instead and with that his mother started to walk back towards her.

"Alright my dear, let us be on our way then." She'd smiled encouraging Bella to join her.

Bella nodded, but before she let herself slid into the waiting vehicle she ventured on last glance in Edward's direction only to find that he was looking her way this time. She swallowed hard feeling a bit self-conscious all of a sudden, before she raised her hand in a discreet little wave, needing him to know that she was still going to try. Edward gave a subtle nod to acknowledge her, but what meant the most was seeing the right side of his mouth pull up just a touch, creating a rather sad imitation of his crooked little smile. It wasn't quite the same but it was enough.

Esme for her part in this little drama had been carefully staying away from the subject that was truly on her mind throughout the outing that she and Bella had taken; but as the day went on she was beginning to lose patience. Finally, when they'd arrived back at the house and she saw the desperate look on the poor girl's face as she turned towards the garage, she had decided it was time to say something.

"Don't worry too much about him. He always does his best work when the music is just a few notches above deafening." She'd teased. "When his was younger I had to have his room soundproofed and the walls lined with noise reduction fabric, just so that the rest of us could stand it when he'd get on a roll with his studying. One would think that he'd have massive hearing loss by now, but it's never seemed to bother him."

She explained all of this while they divvied up the packages to be carried inside, the pulsating sounds of Edward's music filtering out across the yard.

"He's quite a quandary isn't he?" Bella sighed, carefully following his mother inside with her arms loaded down with groceries.

"Indeed he is." His mother agreed with a little chuckle.

She went to retrieve the recipe she had in mind once they'd made it inside, so that Bella could look things over while she started to unpack some of the bags they'd carried in, and in a very cautious manner she started to dig for a little bit of information.

She knew that two grown people could have any number of things happen between them that would warrant some type of drastic change in their relationship, negative or otherwise, and for the most part whatever that might be should be of no concern to anyone else. This however was Bella and Edward. She and Alice had already discussed at great length the sensitive nature of their situation, and she believed as her daughter did, that they would most likely require a bit of guidance during this process.  
As hard as it was for a teenager to seek the advice of a parent or peer when questioning the subject of first love and relationships it would be doubly hard for these two, being at an age where one would assume that they'd already been down this road a time or two. Esme truly hoped that Bella would understand that she was there for her if she felt the need to talk to someone.

"I spoke with Alice this morning, before you two showed up. She said you were going back to Forks this afternoon?"

"Uh huh." Bella nodded, her teeth biting into her lower lip as she pretended to study the recipe still.

"I'm sure Charlie will be excited to see you. How long do you suppose you'll stay?" Esme was so pleasant and unassuming with her conversation that Bella didn't really mind, though she still found the probing questions somewhat obvious.

"I'll be back Sunday at the latest." She offered, not knowing what else to say.

She hadn't taken time to call her dad yet, as this had all come about so suddenly. She had meant to contact him earlier in the week knowing that her plan had always been to visit and pack up her things this weekend, but with the arrival of Edward and now the unexpected _need_ for this trip she'd neglected to inform him of her plans.

"Well, I was thinking that you could take some of the cake with you, since I know how your father feels about that sweet tooth of his." She teased gently, "That is if Edward doesn't manage to eat the whole thing before you leave."

"Edward likes cake that much?" Bella found herself asking before she could remember that she was supposed to be feeling depressed today.  
Despite all of her concerns she still had such a desire to know everything about him.

"A strong cup of black coffee and anything covered in chocolate will have that boy on his knees in no time." She winked mischievously.  
Esme actually made herself chuckle with that little comment. So much so that she had to turn her back to Bella and hide her expression for a moment before she might continue.  
"He's much like his father that way, and I know you've seen how Carlisle will race through a meal if there's the promise of chocolate waiting at the end."

Indeed she had, and the memory of the times she had witnessed just that made her giggle.

"Must be a man thing." Esme nodded, satisfied that she'd at least gotten Bella to smile while mentioning Edward.

With that out of the way, Esme took a step back and let the conversation drift to more mundane topics until the opportunity to try again presented itself.

"Did Edward happen to mention how long he thought it would take to fix the truck after you all left last night?" she was able to ask, shortly after she'd noticed Bella glance at the clock on the stove on more than one occasion over the past fifteen minutes.

She shook her head to answer her, again worrying her lip with her teeth.

"So what has been your latest topic of conversation then?" Esme asked as innocently as possible, throwing caution to the wind in an effort to get to the bottom of things.

When Bella and Edward had made their appearance much earlier in the day than she'd anticipated, right away she'd known that something was off. Bella was nervous and fidgety while Edward seemed to be back to his old self—ever the meek and silent one. She had been so glad to see them when they had arrived, but it was hard for her to understand their sudden lack of enthusiasm. After waiting patiently throughout most of the morning for some answers to come her way she was now determined to uncover the source of all this tension.

"Umm…he told me about the mountain lions." She ventured quietly.

"That must have been a little bit of a shock I would imagine." Esme said softly, after a few moments spent considering what if anything that could have to do with the way they were now acting around one another.  
It was indeed a topic that was usually off limits for Edward, so this would indicate that he was opening up to Bella in a way that he'd never done with anyone else.

"He felt like he should explain to me about why his hands are always cold." Bella again looked uncertain and very timid as she spoke.

"Bella," Esme left where she had been busy cleaning the counter space they'd used to prep their ingredients and went to her side. "Edward is a very complicated person. And I know that it probably doesn't mean much coming from me, since he's my son, but I think you will find that getting to really know him can be quite challenging. When you do however, you'll find that he has an awful lot to share—being so experienced and knowledgeable in many ways and yet so innocent in others."  
Esme placed an arm around Bella's shoulders and gave her a bright smile. "He surprises me every time I talk to him and even more so when he's here, but it's _always_ in a good way."

Esme knew that Bella had never been in a relationship because of her own choices, and she feared that the progression of whatever this was with her son had somehow frightened her into stepping away from what this could be. Likewise, Edward had almost no experience dealing with people, which left him ill-equipped to deal with any sort of unexpected reaction.

"I do look forward to knowing him better someday." Bella agreed with a weak smile, "but I think that I might need to learn a little more about myself first—if that makes sense."

"Perfect sense." His mother nodded. "In the meantime, I'll see if I can keep him coming around for the chocolate until you're ready."

She was satisfied for now. It would seem that it had been as she'd guessed, but all she could do was take comfort in the fact that at least Bella seemed to still have some desire to try.

Esme eventually excused herself to make a few phone calls while they were left waiting for the cake to finish baking, believing that perhaps Bella might appreciate a little time to herself. And indeed Bella had been struck by a sudden need to see Edward. She knew full well what Esme had been up to with her questions and subsequent words of encouragement, but she hadn't realized until now just how much she'd needed that.  
She hadn't realized how much she needed to talk things out or how much she wanted someone to listen; and she knew that Edward was the one she needed in order to really accomplish that.

Without pausing to over think things she checked the time on the stove once more—this time to make sure the cake wouldn't be unattended for too long, and headed outside, determined to make things if not right at least a little better with Edward before she went off to try and make peace with her own issues.

She could still hear the music echoing from the garage as soon as she made it to the porch—only getting louder the closer she got to her destination.  
When she stepped through the open door she winced at the overwhelming mix of sounds that greeted her. The blasting music attempted to cover the sounds of an air compressor that was busy mechanically refilling, while Edward stood with his back turned to her position operating some type of tool that made an equally awful buzzing sound as he ground away at the chunk of metal he had propped up on the workbench before him.

As luck would have it he'd set the tool aside about the time Bella had located the source of the music. Flipping the switch so that she might be able to gain his attention, she began to walk cautiously in his direction.  
The silence was deafening now, such a drastic change from the combination of noises just before. And sure enough Edward had noticed, spinning around, a startled look in his eyes when he found Bella just behind him.

Much of him was covered in a rusty colored dust and he had grease on his hands, arms, his face in places—pretty much everywhere to be honest, but it didn't matter one bit to her. She reach for him immediately and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest, looking to get as close to him as she could.

"I'm sorry, Edward. So, so sorry; and I don't care that I'm not supposed to say it because I feel awful for making you worry and for making the both of us miserable."  
She felt his arms come around her, holding her to him tightly, the sound of his heartbeat being the only thing she could hear now.

"I've never been here before, and I'm terrified that I'll do something or say something to ruin what we might be able to have together." Bella continued to mumble, sagging against Edward, using his strength to keep her standing.  
She had so much she wanted to say that the words weren't even making sense to her, but she knew that she wanted to try.

"There was this boy…some jerk I went to school with a long time ago…I didn't…but he…"

Edward pulled away ever so slightly and placed a finger under her chin, encouraging her to look at him. The action abruptly stopped her rushed flow of words. She was trembling within his embrace and Edward was concerned that she might be pushing herself too hard. She didn't have to do this yet.

"That's not me Bella. And it'll _never_ be me." He assured her.  
He pulled her back to him and went on to tell her, "When you're ready you tell me all about it…if you want to, and I promise that I'll be there to listen. Until then just tell me what it is you need from me and I'll be sure that you get it, okay."

She had appeared nothing short of frantic when he'd first looked into her eyes, but with each of his words he could feel that the anxiety and desperation was leaving her.

"Alice?" she asked softly after taking a few deep breaths to calm herself.

"Alice." He nodded.

They stood quietly holding one another for a time, but eventually Bella lifted her head from where it lay against his chest and giving him a shy little smile that showed some of her embarrassment over the way she'd managed to handle everything she said, "I missed this."

He knew that she was talking about them _talking _oddly enough and he smiled gently in agreement.

Just the sight of her reaching to embrace him had almost taken away every ounce of the frustration and disappointment that had been plaguing him—her words had done the rest.  
He didn't have any answers to their problems yet and he doubted that he'd ever be able to figure things out without her help, but he was still overjoyed that she had come to him—that she was still willing to try.

"Would you want to call me while you're away?" he asked with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"We do have a lot that we should talk about." Bella conceded sadly.

"Well, since you're already covered in yuck thanks to that hug, how about give me a hand for a bit and we can go ahead and get started on some of that." He grinned while gently dusting off her shoulder only to embrace her once more, ultimately defeating the purpose.  
He wanted to lighten the mood. He'd been suffering long enough and now that Bella seemed ready to talk he wanted nothing more than to move on to happier topics.

"What exactly do you think I can help you with?" Bella asked looking up at him with a surprised expression, "You do remember just how clumsy I can be, right?"

"You turned my music off, you can be my background noise." He teased.

"I can hardly compete with Metallica." She chuckled, his silliness beginning to lift her mood with ease.

The feel of her tiny body shaking with humor while still being held in his arms was amazing and he was so pleased to know that it was just that—an amazing feeling of contentment, hardly a sexual undertone to be found.

"No one can compete with _you_." He promised, her close proximity and his unexpected feeling of control bolstering his courage to speak freely.

"Not even chocolate cake?" she teased back, wanting to smile and laugh with him again more than anything.

"Technically chocolate cake isn't a person and therefore it can't be considered when speaking of this particular competition. No inanimate objects allowed." Edward corrected, successfully making her laugh once again.

"You're too damn smart for me, you know that?" Bella griped as if his comment had upset her.

Edward just shook his head and held her a little closer.

"I can play dumb with the best of 'em." He grinned, "and I'm totally willing to be whatever you need me to be—always remember that."

"Right now I need you to be my mechanic. If you do a good job there might be chocolate cake available for payment." She smiled.

"Well in that case you're gonna have to let me go so that I can get back to work." He playfully insisted.

"Just for a little while, okay." She blushed.

"I'll hurry, I promise." He beamed with satisfaction.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Boy am I feeling humble in a big way…I want to thank everyone for all of the great reviews and say welcome to all of the new readers just now finding this story. Hope that I can continue to impress, but I'm suddenly feeling a lil Edward-like bout of nerves, LOL.  
Anywho, here's the next little bit…

Chapter 15

Bella honestly couldn't stop herself; she couldn't look away. She'd been minding her own business, toying with the small collection of bolts that Edward had given her to keep track of so that he won't risk losing any of them, just before looking up. When she did she could no longer think of anything other than the man standing across the way.  
He had his back turned to her, his shirt suddenly missing, as he stood dusting the mess and debris from his jeans. She watched in a trance as the muscles rippled and bunched under the pale skin of his back with each movement. When he stood to his full height again, he let his hands run repeatedly through his hair in an attempt to better clean himself up, before reaching over to shake the dust from his t-shirt and the flannel that she finally noticed he'd draped over the side of her truck bed.  
She certainly hadn't expected to see him in such a state of undress so quickly after having just experienced such for the first time the night before—still in awe of his unique perfection.

Letting her tongue slip out in an attempt to moisten her suddenly parched lips, Bella cautiously left her seat over by the workbench and approached him. She was nervous but terribly aroused. She couldn't help this all-consuming need she suddenly had to be near him—to touch him. The squandered opportunity from the night prior was still at the forefront of her mind and right now her body was telling her in no uncertain terms to not let this chance pass her by again. She'd already seen him without his shirt and she'd been in his arms and touched his naked skin, she had nothing to be afraid of this time.

He'd somehow accidentally dropped his t-shirt while trying to inspect its condition before he would presumably be putting it back on; as he bent to retrieve it Bella reached out and let her hand settle against his back.  
In his surprise he stood straight, dropping his shirt back to the ground, frozen and unable to breathe for a moment.

Bella slowly let her hand wander from just above his waistline up and down the center of his back in a soothing motion. When she noticed that he had indeed managed to relax she let her touch move further, until she was able to trace the pattern of his scar once again. Edward, still unmoving, let her explore his body at whatever pace she felt comfortable with, unsure of what else he could do, scared that reciprocating her affection, at least for now, might frighten her again. Seeing his dilemma she knew that it was time to say something—but what?

"I'd like to try this again." She whispered, while following the path of his scar up and over the curve of his shoulder until she stood in front of him, her hands caressing his shoulders, his arms and finally his back from her new position. Her voice held far more confidence than she'd thought herself capable of and her hands seemed to be on a mission of their own; she was no longer in control, feeling like this interaction was something bigger than the two of them—they were pawns being controlled by some higher power.

It was apparent that he didn't know how to respond but he couldn't seem to control the soft little rumble of appreciation that began to form somewhere inside his chest when her nails tickled lightly at his sides, her hands now finding another path, coming back around to explore the firm lines of his abdomen.  
His head tipped forward, his mouth slightly open, his eyes barely focused, his involuntary groan continuing.

"Are you…_purring_?" she giggled with delight hearing the sound that he was emitting deepen and increase in volume the longer she allowed her hands to touch.

She watched in fascination as his complexion began to take on a pinkish hue—spreading from his hairline, down the bridge of his nose and out across his cheeks. The color eventually covered most of his neck, radiating out towards his shoulders. The blush was the only thing that gave away his timid nature, the look in his eyes and the appearance of his lopsided grin told her that he was instead humored by her reference.

"It only makes sense that such a handsome little lion would respond to my touch in such a way, Edward?" she explained softly wanting to tease him and lessen his embarrassment at the same time.  
She was internally celebrating—so please that he'd accepted her advance and so overwhelmed by how much he was obviously enjoying it, that she seemed to have located some long lost vixen hidden within herself that was just dying to come out and play.

She embraced him fully, hugging his bare upper body to her, her head resting against the soft wisps of hair upon his chest.

"My lion." She declared placing a gentle kiss against his vibrating sternum.  
She looked up after a moment to see him staring down at her in wonder, his glasses having been removed along with his shirt, his eyes burning with desire.

"Bella." He breathed out in desperation pulling her back into his arms, his face buried against her neck.

He was leaning into her forcing her back until the sturdy fender of her truck was pressed up behind her.

"Please, Bella." He begged his breath hot against her skin, practically panting as he was.  
She couldn't speak as she felt the tip of his nose begin skimming its way along the curve of her neck, to the underside of her jaw and back down the other side, until he could place his own gentle kiss against her opposite shoulder.

His hands came up from their position at her hips to hold her gently, his fingers threading into her hair to adjust her position ever so slightly. She then felt him repeat the path once again; this time it was his velvet lips, ever so softly moving against her heated skin. He hummed softly letting his mouth finally kiss along the bend of her jaw.

"My Bella." He whispered nipping lightly at her earlobe—an act that sent sparks throughout her body.

Before she could comprehend what was happening Edward lifted her to his own height, his hands lightly grasping her hips, the weight of him leaning against her, the truck behind her, helping to stabilize their movement. Reaching up with his right hand he removed her glasses before letting the back of his fingers caress her cheek as he made to set them aside; he never looked away or let their connection break.

"Bella, I want…"

Bella felt herself falling, spinning, unable to recall which way was up suddenly, the tender cadence of his voice fading—her vision blurring.

With a sharp painful sensation in her hip, she was jolted awake, finding that she wasn't in the Cullen's garage—she wasn't with Edward even, she was in a tangle of sheets on the floor beside the little twin sized bed in her room at her father's home.

She let her head fall back against the floor with a muted thud once she'd recognized her surroundings and sighed heavily.  
It had been ages since she'd fallen out of bed, and even longer since she'd had such a dream. Never had she dreamt of anything so vivid or real—something she wanted so badly.

She laid there on the floor her hands twisting into her hair in frustration, wondering about all of the potential what ifs.

What if she _had_ been brave enough to take advantage of the situation with Edward in their kitchen the other night?

What if she'd decided to stay with him in Port Angeles and say to hell with moving for a while longer?

"What if he would have actually taken his shirt off again? What if she'd had another opportunity to touch him? What if…what if he'd actually been bold enough to caress her neck in such a delicious way?

Bella groaned letting her left hand move to the side of her neck where she could feel her erratic pulse rapidly tapping against her palm, her body experiencing a chill at the memory of her dream.

What if James had never existed…or at least had never come to meet her?

She sat up finally and untangled her legs; knowing that her heart racing out of control the way that it was coupled with the sudden reminder as to why all of her other 'what ifs' could not be possible just yet, would never allow her to get back to sleep anytime soon. She may as well get up and find something else to do for now.

As she carefully made her way downstairs she recalled just how their afternoon together _had_ ended. And no, their afternoon hadn't been nearly _that _exciting.

She had spent some time sitting with him out in the garage as he put everything back to rights and tested his handy work, once she'd been released from baking duty, but they'd only been talking—nothing more.

When it was time for her to leave, Esme had handed over a package containing a good portion of the cake they'd made together along with well wishes for a safe trip and greetings for Charlie.  
Alice had popped over by then and she'd given Bella a bone crushing hug and promises to call her first thing in the morning, since she was taking the day off to stay with Edward; she also let it slip that she had plans to see if she might talk him into riding to Seattle with her to pick up Jasper in the afternoon.

Bella noticed Edward scratching at the back of his neck, looking a little conflicted on how he might be able to get out of that little trip, but she felt like he was also wondering how he might say goodbye to her in front of his hovering family.

They'd come a long way from their uncomfortably silent morning spent wondering what the other was truly thinking. After Bella had come to him and they'd been able to broach the subject of their problems they'd mutually agreed that they would need to talk things through—always. For now they'd comfortably labeled themselves friends. Whatever might happen to their relationship status after Bella found a way to deal with her past would remain up in the air, but it was clear that the silence no longer worked for Edward. Though he wasn't entirely sure how to force himself to initiate conversation about his feelings just yet, he was determined to keep the lines of communication open.

He didn't want to push her, and he didn't want to say the wrong things, but he wanted to always know what she was thinking; the idea of the two of them hiding from one another the way that they'd been doing earlier in the day was no longer an option for him. Happily Bella was onboard, promising him that she would try her best to always be honest and understand that she _could_ talk to him about anything—everything.

Alice had been right to assume that he'd needed a friend and Bella was learning that she'd needed a new one as well. Alice, Rosalie, Esme, they were all wonderful women, but she was beginning to understand that Edward could offer her so much more insight and support—a different perspective that she could trust.

They'd thankfully refused to dwell on deep, emotional topics as they sat out in the garage learning how to be with each other all over again; instead they'd spent time laughing about individual experiences they'd had with various member's of his family, continuing to find that their opinions about so many things always seemed to run parallel to one another.

They exchanged shy glances and timid grins much like they'd done just a day or so before and they were learning once again how easy and right their connection felt. Gone was the confident, flirtatious Edward that she'd begun to have mixed feeling about, and before her stood the charmingly bashful boy that she'd come to love in such a short period of time. She knew how to be with this version of him. She could comfort and encourage Edward with ease and until she found a way to accept the same from him she was happy to play her role to the best of her ability.

Watching him fidget and fiddle with the zipper of his jacket while standing out front of his mother's house, his family busy offering her hugs and farewells, Bella knew just how to help him. Once Alice had released her from a third hug she gave her friend an indulgent smile before walking over to her brother. She'd reached out to take his hand from where it had been repeatedly tugging at the zipper pull and grinned up at his guarded expression.

"You have my number, right?" she said softly so that the others couldn't hear.

He nodded to answer.

"And you'll call me whenever?" she smiled.

He nodded again.

"I'll see you soon." She promised, giving his hand a little squeeze.

She'd meant for that to be it, not wanting to push either of them while standing in front of everyone the way that they were, but Edward had apparently had other plans. He'd refused to let her go, instead holding onto her hand as he walked the short distance over to her truck with her. He opened the door and turned to face her.

"Miss you already." He chuckled uncomfortably, after chewing at his upper lip for a moment.

She didn't know what to say- 'sorry' was once again off limits and 'I'm going to miss you too' was already obvious.

"Can I get another one of those hugs?" was the best that she could do, a little smile playing at her lips as she watched him struggle for a way to elaborate during her brief second of indicision.

"Always." He breathed out in a sigh of presumed relief as his arms encircled her shoulders and her head laid against his chest. She felt his cheek settle atop her head just before he whispered his own version of goodbye.

"Be safe."

With that she climbed into her truck ready to make her way to Forks, trying desperately not to look back. She did glance for one split second into her rearview mirror, which showed her the very picture she'd hoped not to see. Alice and Esme were standing at the front steps in what appeared to be deep conversation as Edward stood in the exact same spot where she'd left him, his hands in his pockets, his chin tucked into his chest.

Tears threatened Bella's vision as she made her way into the kitchen. She'd been so tired when she arrived here last night that she'd ordered a pizza for she and Charlie to share and talked with her father for only a short time before heading up to bed. She'd sent Alice a quick text asking her to let everyone know she'd arrived safely and she'd fallen asleep before even considering whether to wait for a reply.

Standing there suddenly unsure of how to proceed, she noticed eventually the dreary streams of cloud covered sunlight filtering through the nearest window and realized that she'd slept through the entire night and that it was indeed already morning. Taking a closer look she saw that her father's gun belt was already missing from the peg by the backdoor and there was a note lying on the counter over by the fridge.

_Bells,_

_I decided to go in early today so that I can be off to give_

_you a hand packing this afternoon if you want._

_Thanks for the pizza and cake last night._

_It's good to have you home._

_Dad_

Charlie's familiar chicken scratch was nice to see, but it was the trigger that finally made Bella's tears start to fall as she suddenly felt the weight of every emotion crashing down.

She missed Alice, and their cozy little kitchen back home; she didn't want her best friend living in a little apartment across town anymore; she'd also missed seeing Edward today with his hair all disheveled and his gravelly morning voice. She wanted to hear him say 'hi' and bend his head to look up at her through his lashes in his adorably uncertain way.

Then she realized how much she missed her Dad. She missed how he would sit and read the paper as they ate breakfast together on mornings before he'd go to work and she missed the way he'd look up to pay attention to her only when he thought she wasn't looking.

She missed her mother as well and the way she'd always greet her, like she hadn't seen her in ages even if they'd only been away from one anther for an hour.

She sank down to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest as the sobbing started to make her feel weak. It all seemed to hit her in an instant; too many emotions being ignored over too many years were just too much for her to take right now. Memories of her childhood, coupled with the events of the past few days flashed through her mind, though she knew that they weren't the true source of her breakdown.

She closed her eyes and tried not to focus on the space some ten feet to her left, some six feet from the door. It was the very spot where the real source of all her sadness and fear originated. It was where he'd managed to take her freedom.

She hadn't cried over this in a long time, but she knew that this purging of her emotions was well grounded. She'd been scared and angry, confused yet determined, but now she was sad. Sad because what he had managed to do that day hurt her more than physically, it hurt her somewhere deep inside. And still suffering on such an emotional level was preventing her from pursuing something potentially beautiful with the one man she'd ever met that really meant something to her.

Wiping furiously at her tears Bella attempted to pull herself together. Pleasant dreams and subconscious fantasies were nice and all, but she was not prepared to have that be the only thing she was capable of any more. She needed to fix this—she needed to fix her heart, because it already belonged to a wonderfully kind and brilliantly gorgeous man. She couldn't promise him perfection but she would never settle for giving him anything less than all that she could.

"Alice? Thank god! Where have you been, I've been trying to call for like an hour."

"Bella? Honey, what's wrong?" Alice asked concern flooding her voice.  
She'd been prepare to do her happy dance and squeal with excitement when she'd seen her friend's name pop up on the call ID screen, but now all she could do was sit heavily on the edge of her couch and pray that whatever had her reacting so desperately wasn't as life and death as she was making it seem.

There was a deep breath followed by a pause.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I got tied up at Mom and Dad's for a while first thing this morning and I just got back to the apartment to get a few things before heading home. It was just a quick trip so I left the phone in the car.  
I need you to talk to me though, cause you're sorta scaring me." Alice tried to push her along with some sort of explanation.

Another deep breath.

"It's about Edward…" she paused again, not sure of how exactly she should say this to her.

She didn't have too many other choices though, she'd already considered her options—her mother, Rosalie, perhaps even Esme, but Bella knew that Alice was her best choice. No one understood her better than Alice and of all people that deserved to know just what she was thinking and feeling, she was at the top of the list. Bella's only concern just now was that her best friend also happened to be Edward's sister.

"What's happened?" Alice asked carefully.

"I think that…I'm pretty sure I'm umm…falling for him?" the confession sounded more like a question, even to her ears, but it was the best Bella could managed.

She'd decided that she would need to have a few allies along the way, and the more that they knew about her goals and fears the easier it might be for them to understand her concerns when she would need to go to them for advice. Besides, Alice had to know how she felt about her brother.

"Oh Bella, there's nothing wrong with that." Alice sighed with relief, "I couldn't be happier to hear…"

"I'm scared out of my mind right now, Alice. I don't know what happened exactly…" Bella interrupted, the shaky tone of her voice confirming just how scared and confused she was indeed feeling.

"He didn't…? He couldn't have…" Alice worried, not waiting to hear the rest of her explanation.

She knew that Bella would be frightened by the prospect of physical interaction, but Alice had been certain that her brother of all people would be the least threatening partner she could ever encounter. She'd seen them covertly holding hands and god knows she'd seen the way they held one another before Bella had left the day before, but she couldn't fathom any sort of physicality taking place beyond that just yet—for either of them. Then again, they had been acting pretty strange at breakfast the day before...

"No, no. He'd been nothing short of wonderful—a true gentleman in every way. I just get the feeling that…I'm not sure what…"

"Hell! I've got to take this Bella. Hold on for just one second."

"Alice. Alice? What the hell!" Bella fumed, her friend no longer available having been put on hold. What could be more important than this?

"Edward Anthony Cullen! What. The. Shit, man?"

"Ally?" Edward questioned, with some trepidation.

"Don't Ally me, mister! What's going on with you and Bella, huh? You'd better answer me, I don't have all day." She demanded.

"I was uhh…I wanted to call and…God Alice, what's the matter?" he was so frazzled by her abrupt greeting and what sort of sounded like some type of accusation that he didn't even know how to begin anymore.

"That's exactly what I'd like to know. I swear if you've done something to upset Bella I will march my ass right over there and kick you square in the nuts and then…"

"Jeez, Alice, back up for one second, What makes you think that I would do anything to upset Bella?"

"Hold on." Alice demanded switching back over to Bella.

"I want to know in great detail exactly what happened to scare you." She said very slowly.

"I…where did you go? Are you talking to someone else?" Bella decided to ask instead of answering at the last minute.

"Don't you dare, I want an answer—what did Edward do or say that has you so out of sorts, Bella?" she requested once more.

"I know about the mountain lions—he showed me the scars, and he said…he said that he would be there for me. That he wanted me to be comfortable with him. Only, it seemed like he was trying to say _more_. And god, Alice I want it too, but I don't know what to do or say, I don't know how to handle all of this."

Alice sighed with some relief.

"I'll be back." She told Bella, basically to cut her rambling explanation short, switching back to Edward.

"Did you touch her, Edward?" Alice asked calmly this time.

"I…no. Well, not…no." he was so confused all of a sudden; he didn't know how to answer simple questions any longer. The answers weren't just a clear cut yes or no anymore.

"Kiss her?"

"No." he insisted. "What the hell is going on, Alice?" he demanded this time.  
This was too odd; he'd called her seeking advice—wanting to know how he should proceed. He'd been foolish enough to think that she might be happy to hear that they were officially friends and that he wanted to pursue something more with Bella when the time was right. He'd been too intimidated by his own feelings to wait until Alice came over this morning to talk to her, so he figured calling to break the happy news might be easier on both of them, but he was now feeling so confused as to why this wasn't working out better.

"Wait a minute!" he said—a light bulb bursting inside his head suddenly. "Are you talking to Bella? You're on the phone with her right now, aren't you?"

"Shut up and hold on for a sec." She insisted.

"Bella, my brother is too smart for his own good so I'm just going to say this as quickly but as nicely as I can, okay. I had a little talk with Edward the other night after he drove me back to the apartment. I told him a bit about you and some of your…Bella, I told him about James." Alice waited for some type of blow up, a tantrum, some swearing at the very least, but she was only met with silence.

"I'm not blind nor am I a fool Bella. You and Edward are two of the most important people in my life and neither of you can hide what you're feeling very well. I see the way you look at him, and I've noticed how different he is when you're around."

"I know you do, Alice." Bella agreed easily.

"Now I want you to think about what you feel like when the two of you are together, what it feels like to laugh and talk with one another—then recall how you felt when he told you about those mountain lions and the reason he put himself in such a position in the first place." She paused hoping that her words were reaching her.

"The important thing to remember is that, if love is really love then it's not something that you need to fear. And I think that you already know deep down that Edward is not the type of man that would ever harm someone he loves." Alice waited for Bella to respond.  
She could hear her breathing and knew that she was still on the line, but she wasn't saying anything.

"Bella, this _is_ about James, isn't it?"

"Alice," Bella said quietly, "I don't think that I'm ready for all of the things that I want with Edward, but I want them all the same—it's just all so confusing."

Alice sniffled, her emotions finally making her unable to keep the tears of joy and frustration at bay.

"Do you need me to come to you?" she offered.  
Edward nor Jasper nor her job were any sort of priority today if Bella was really hurting this badly, they would all understand her need to be there for her friend if it became necessary.

"I think that I just need some time. I just wanted you to know where things stand, and I need to know if you're okay with all of this."

"Of course…"

"No. I need you to know that I never want to hurt Edward, but I feel like I might have already by being so incapable, by being this messed up."

"Oh sweetie," Alice sighed, "you are not messed up and I don't even think you are as incapable as you claim, but you're going to have to figure out whether I'm right about that or not on your own. And oddly enough, the only person I can think of that might be able to help you realize the right answer is Edward."

There was a moment where they said nothing more. Bella knew that Alice was right about a lot of things, and she was glad to know that she was going to support the process, whatever that might involve.

"Well, it looks like I have some packing to take care of so that I can get back home and get started on that." Bella chuckled, sniffling slightly as she rubbed at her eyes.

"I love you, Silly Bella. You call me anytime—I mean it."

"Thanks."

"Bubby?" she said softly clicking back over to Edward.

"Ally, what's wrong?" Edward immediately tensed, fearing the worst.

He'd been debating whether or not to stay on the line or just go off in search of Alice when she'd been gone for so long. He was dying to know what Bella had said that made his sister react so heatedly; he was terrified that something had maybe happened—that Bella was perhaps not handling her issues as well as they'd hoped she'd be able to; that maybe something he'd inadvertently said or done the day before had once again been too much.

"I should apologize to you for flying off the deep end for a minute there and I really want to let you know how proud I am of you for being so honest with Bella."

"I'm in love with her, Alice." Edward confessed rather bluntly.

He'd been meaning to tell her all along, but he'd not had a chance to get the words out before now. He was sort of thankful to just blurt it out and be done with it after he'd said it, though he still feared what her response might be.

"Then be patient and trust that she'll come to you when the time is right."

***

_[sneak peek at chapter 16]_

"Hi, Dr. Montgomery? This is Bella Swan…yeah, I was wondering if you'd be free to see me sometime over the next day or so?"


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: You guys ROCK! Keep those great reviews coming and we'll see about getting you another update in the next day or two.

Chapter 16

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but Edward was beginning to feel like that statement could use a little revision. He was learning that absence actually made the heart grow wiser.

Just a few days ago he was convinced that his life was exactly as it was meant to be. He was to live his life alone, never having nor desiring the company of others beyond what he felt obligated to endure. But now, having known the pleasure of one such as Bella, Edward was beginning to see the appeal of regular human interaction. Only moments after she'd left to go and visit her father, he'd felt her absence in everything.

He'd cleaned up the garage in silence, repeatedly glancing over towards the old wooden stool he'd set by the workbench so that she could sit and keep him company as he'd worked. Each time he'd looked that way he was foolishly hoping to see her sitting there, smiling shyly in his direction, but of course she wasn't. Though he knew right where she was and why, and that she wouldn't be popping up unexpectedly for at least the next couple of days, his heart still constricted in disappointment whenever he realized that he was indeed alone. She wasn't there to laugh about silly little things he'd think to say, and she wasn't there to tell him how smart he was, or how much she enjoyed seeing him smile. He missed her terribly and it had only been an hour since she'd gone—he feared how much this might have hurt had they parted with so many things being left unsaid.  
She may have only been absent for a short time, but already his heart was learning—learning that he had to seize the opportunity when he could and make the most of every moment they would share in the future.

Later in the day it had started to rain again, preventing him from taking the walk around his parent's property that he'd planned on, while his mother and Alice were busy making the impromptu supper that they'd suddenly insisted upon. So instead, he was made to wander about the house, trying to keep him self and his mind occupied.  
There had been a full hour that he'd spent sitting at his piano, just staring off at nothing unable to make himself play, though he knew that it would help to calm his nerves and likely please his mother and sister. He knew that he wouldn't play again until he could play for Bella. She'd wanted him to, but he'd been too nervous and unwilling to do so before, but not anymore. His shyness had already prevented Edward from doing so much, but now he was determined to find a way around it if it meant that he could please Bella and make her see that she'd found a way into his heart—a place that he would always keep her, even when she couldn't be by his side.  
Something as simple as playing the piano for her would be easy and he would no doubt make that happen, but it was the other things he suddenly wanted to do for her—with her, that had him feeling nervous.

She already knew how he was and what his limitations were; he'd been very honest about his need to be alone sometimes and the anxiety he felt if he were not able to escape from the noise of unwanted conversation, but it didn't matter that she knew, he still wanted to be better than that, and for her he would figure out some way to change.  
He wasn't sure how he was going to manage just yet, but he had spent most of the night thinking about all of the things he wanted to do when she got back home. Feeling every bit of her absence, he'd promised himself that he wouldn't waste another minute of the time they did have together. He suddenly wanted to experience everything that was missing from his life and he wanted to do everything _with_ her.

They could go and see a movie together—at least that would be something that he knew he could manage, but he also wanted to take her other places. They could go hiking, since he already knew of the perfect little secluded trail near his parent's home—if the weather held, maybe she would want to camp overnight and he could show her some of the interesting things about nature that fascinated him so.  
And perhaps if she'd be willing, he could see about getting them tickets to a play in Seattle one weekend. Alice had indicated that she liked classic novels and she'd indeed been going on about Shakespeare the other night; maybe he could find something within that genre for them to go and see. Of course, if they were already going to be in Seattle they could go to the museum there, perhaps visit the Space Needle or Pike Place Market. He would take her any place she wanted to go and he'd do so happily, though he worried that he might be prone to losing this burst of courage that had seemingly appeared along with his daydreams. In his mind this was easy, in reality he knew that it would be much harder.

Knowing this, he was also reminded of all of the things he wished to say to her that had yet to be spoken. Ill-equipped as he was in the art of communication, Edward suddenly had a hundred different things that he wished to tell her and yet none of them were appropriate to say to someone over the phone. He should be with her when he'd tell her just how beautiful her smile was and how lovely her skin looked whenever she wore that perfect shade of blue. He wanted to hold her hand and try to explain how wonderful it felt to be able to do so and not feel as though his stomach was about to turn itself inside out. And Edward wanted nothing more than to be able to look into those rich, chocolate colored eyes, that seemed to take his breath away each time he found the courage to look directly into their depths, and declare just how in love with her he'd become.

Alice had said he should be patient but damn if he wasn't dying to get into his car and drive over to Forks just then. He was feeling so lonely that he almost believed that he'd actually be able to get out of the car once he got there. He'd walk right up to Chief Swan and introduce himself like a man and tell him just how special his daughter was to him, and then he'd turn to Bella and beg her to find a way to let him in to her heart.

What he didn't know at the time was that Bella was indeed trying to do just that. She didn't want there to be any barrier between them, she wanted to be able to give him every piece of herself, but right now she knew that there was a thorny mess of pain wrapped tightly around the only heart that she had to offer, preventing her from giving him all that she wanted.

In the morning he'd decided that if he couldn't tell Bella his true feelings just yet then he'd settle for speaking with his sister. At least she'd be supportive and offer him some advice as to how he might go about accomplishing all that he'd suddenly decided was necessary. Unfortunately though, he'd stumbled upon the worst possible time for broaching such a subject. It was only later, when Alice had finally made it back to the house, that he knew just how happy she was for them.

They'd talked for a long time and he felt better for it. Alice had assured him that she would be there to help him in any way that she could, understanding just how new and foreign all of these emotions he was beginning to feel were to him.

Not wanting to leave the conversation on hold until she would return, Alice had tried to insist, saying that there was no time like the present to begin practicing, so that he'd feel more comfortable going out and about with Bella, but Edward had declined his sister's request that he accompany her to Seattle's airport so that she could pick up Jasper. It was not that he didn't want to go along or that he didn't see some benefit in practicing a bit before attempting such outings with Bella, it was more so that he couldn't stand the thought of being trapped in a car with a couple so in love, that were finally being reunited after a time spent apart. It would be uncomfortable to watch his sister fuss and fawn over her boyfriend under any circumstances but today with the way he was pining for Bella it would most likely prove to be downright painful.

So here he was alone with his thoughts once more, lying across the sofa downstairs, Bella's blanket clutched to his chest, his phone sitting at the ready. He didn't want to disturb whatever agenda she had in mind for her time spent in Forks, but he was desperate to hear her voice. He'd been toying with the idea of calling her for most of the day, but true to form he'd chickened out each and every time.

He had finally decided to give up and try again in a little while, focusing his attention instead on the muted, preseason baseball game that he'd located on television. He hated listening to obviously bias commentators tell him crap that he could easily figure out on his own so it was his habit to never watched sports on TV with the sound activated.

A passing thought occurred to him then, that maybe Bella would want to go with him to a game some day; it might be fun—he hadn't seen a live sporting event since his father had taken him to a Mariner's game for his tenth birthday.  
Bella had said that her father was a big Mariner's fan too he remembered suddenly, making his heart sink once again.

He couldn't get her off of his mind no matter how hard he tried and he apparently had nothing available that could sufficiently distract him. At this rate he'd be a raving lunatic by the time Sunday rolled around.  
If he wasn't careful she'd barely set foot though the front door before he'd be tempted to pounce—professing his love and undying devotion, kissing her senseless and promising forever whether either one of them was ready for that or not.

He picked up his phone again and brought her number up, staring at the screen once more, for what seemed like the hundredth time in just the past half hour. His thumb hovered over the send button, his mind telling him that it was too soon, his heart demanding that he man up.

While he was having this little internal debate, his generic ringtone startled him, causing him to fumble around until he eventually dropped the phone and practically slapped himself in the face. He swore at himself and cussed out his sister, whom he was sure would be the only one to call him at a time like this.  
Finally, on his knees by the coffee table, he'd managed to grab up the phone by the time it was starting on the fourth ring and answered without bothering to check the identity of the caller—something he _never_ did.

"Cullen." He barked.

He'd adopted the habit listening to his father answer business calls in the evenings when he'd been a boy. Carlisle had always sounded so confident and poised when doing so. It wasn't often that Edward had to receive calls so when he did he used what he'd learned from his father as a way to hide his insecurities. He always felt like 'hello' or 'hi' sounded so awkward coming from him, when answering the phone, since it sounded more like a question whenever he tried to say it, and yet anything more formal seemed a bit pretentious to him.

"Edward? Is everything okay?" Bella's sweet voice laced with concern answered his greeting.

"Oh thank god it's you." He sighed, a sudden sense of relief warming his entire body. "I was umm…I thought about calling you just now." He added hearing her giggle a bit at the tone of his previous comment.

"Really?" she sounded hopeful.

He cleared his throat feeling a bit uncomfortable but wanting to tell her the truth. "Yeah, I've been trying to make myself do it most of the day actually."

"Oh Edward, It's just me—there's nothing to be nervous about." She tried to reassure him, a pleading tone for his understanding behind every word.

"I know, B…Bella." Edward bite his tongue, closing his eyes to ward off the embarrassment of almost branding her with a term of endearment he'd not intended to say just yet.  
The fact that he'd been calling her "Baby" repeatedly during his most recent fantasies would not allow him the privilege of being so forward with her just yet.

"It's just that I miss you a lot and umm…I don't want to keep you from whatever you're doing. I know you're probably busy with your dad and all." He tried to recover.

"No worries there. Charlie's been at work most of the day so I've just been taking my time packing up some stuff in my old room and making some plans for our dinner later."

He took a deep breath and tried to relax, getting himself up off of the floor and seated back on the sofa once again.

"So the trip was okay, no trouble with the truck?" he asked, looking for some innocent conversation—anything to keep her talking at this point.

He'd obviously missed the sound of her voice even more than he'd realized.

"Actually it was great. I don't know what all you did, but I was able to make it here in record time. Charlie was a little surprised when I told him that I hadn't left until late that afternoon." She told him, both pride and thanks evident in her voice as she went on to tell him how well the truck had run, and how easy it had been to shift and break and accelerate, when she'd never been able to do any of those things so easily before.

"I'm so glad that everything seems to be working better." He smiled leaning back against the couch, enjoying the sound of her telling him about her trip and the night she'd spent chatting with her father before she'd gone to bed in hopes of getting a good night of sleep so that she might be productive today.

After they'd gotten past the preliminaries, silence seemed to take over for a few moments.

"Edward, I was really calling because I wanted to ask you your opinion of something…" Bella hesitated before continuing.

She'd been going back and forth in her mind as to what was her best course of action since speaking with Alice earlier in the day and she'd finally decided that Edward was indeed the one she needed to help her make a few solid decisions. His opinion was important and knowing some of his own history she figured he'd be the most qualified to give her an educated answer.

"Of course, Bella. What is it?" he wondered giving her his undivided attention.

After taking some time to sit down and really think, Bella had determined that she was going to need more than just a strong will and some encouragement from one such as Alice. If she was going to do this and do it right she was going to need some professional insight and perhaps the advice of someone a bit more removed from the situation at hand.

She cleared her throat and took a second to organize just how she wanted to word this.

"Umm…Alice admitted that she was the one to tell you about what happened with me back in high school and uhh…well, she's obviously told both of us a lot about one another that we may or may not know that the other has been told. Did that make any sense at all?" Bella chuckled a bit, realizing that as much as she'd rehearsed this conversation ahead of time she was still feeling quite nervous.

"I'm with you, Bella." Edward chuckled as well, "Just keep talking, I can keep up."

"Okay." She sighed, a smile in her voice—all be it a shy one, "Well, I've seen this psychologist in the past to help me deal with things and I was sort of thinking that maybe I should try again. I know that the doctor was trying to be helpful and in retrospect she _did_ give pretty good advice, but I don't think I was entirely ready for it last time."

He hummed his understanding, to let her know that he was still listening and able to follow her train of thought.

"Alice mentioned to me that when you were younger you were seen by a few doctors as well and I guess what I wanted to know is…what's your opinion of the whole psychotherapy thing? Do you think it might work?"

"It can." Was the simple answer to her question; his more complex belief concerning the subject, particularly in his case, would take quite awhile for them to discuss.

"Do you trust your doctor—think that they really have your best interest at heart?" he decided to ask instead of getting into a long and drawn out explanation as to how his problems differed from most people's.

"I haven't spoken to her in a few years, but I always felt pretty comfortable with her—felt like she was making some sense, even if I didn't know how to accept everything back then." Bella told him.

"It's true that psychologists are highly trained professionals. They have knowledge and understanding about a lot of issues that most of us don't and they've been taught ways to help people deal with things that most of us aren't able to on our own. But, I think what's important to remember is that they can only work with what you're willing to give them. So, if you feel like you can be open and honest with this doctor then I'm pretty sure she'll be able to advise you wisely, but if you don't give her enough information about what's bothering you then there's really no point." He explained his true opinion and the essence of why it had never worked for him.  
He couldn't talk openly with just anyone, and therefore the theories and solutions _his_ doctors had offered had been nothing more than a generic shot in the dark—an assumption based on how they'd perceived him without having him provide any useful information about his own feelings.

"I'm ready to talk." Bella took a deep breath, pleased to actually say the words. "I'm ready for a lot of things that I wasn't ready for back then."

_Me too_, thought Edward with a smile, though he'd never say it out loud.

"Is your doctor there in Forks?" he asked, his mind drifting to a new worry without his permission.  
He was suddenly concerned about the possibility that she'd be staying in Forks for a lot longer than anticipated. Even if she were just going to be taking regular trips back and forth to see the psychologist it would mean more time apart. He could hardly bare the thought of being away from her for most of a day much less several.

"Yeah, I was going through some old papers in my desk and came across her number earlier; her office was on the north side of town near the police station actually, but I'm not sure if it still is or not. I suppose I'll just have to call and find out."

Edward cleared his throat, a nervous sensation taking up residence just behind his tonsils making it hard to speak.

"It's Friday you know…maybe you should go ahead and call—see if she might be able to meet with you while you're there, save you a trip back right away and all."

His suggestion was purely selfish, but at least it sounded innocent enough. He was indeed concerned for her emotional well-being, and as he'd been talking with her, hearing her willingness to seek help from an unbiased third party, he'd begun to see some real merit in the idea. He was proud of her for considering an option that was so unavailable to treat his own problems; whereas Bella could talk about her feelings and fears and take the words that her doctor might tell her to heart, Edward had never been able to open up—until he'd met her that is. Bella _was_ his version of therapy.  
All of his noble intentions aside however, he was concerned about how long he'd have to endure the torture of not having Bella right there with him, helping him overcome his own issues.

"I'd actually planned to, if you thought that this might be helpful." Bella hesitated, but in the end she knew what she really wanted to tell him. "I'm not prepared to be away from you any longer than I have to be."

"Yeah?" he grinned, so happy to hear it.

"I do need some time to come to terms with everything, but I feel so much better about it all when I can see you smile at me or feel your hand touching mine, it's very reassuring to know that you're real—easier to remember we're okay when I'm with you."

"I wish that I could be there with you." He said softly, regret and his usual feeling of self doubt making an appearance.

He'd been rubbing the corner of her blanket between his fingers without even noticing his actions. He closed his eyes thinking of how beautiful she'd looked that day when he'd discovered her napping in the chair that was right next to him.

"I want to be capable of the things that most people are, for you. You deserve a man that can take care of you, Bella."

"Oh Edward," Bella began, using her most soothing voice, "I don't think this would be any easier for me if you weren't exactly as you are. For me, you couldn't be anymore wonderful."

"I wish I was there to get one of those hugs from you." He all but moaned, a humorless sigh following his admission.

Her words of affection weren't helping his lonely state at all, and her reassurance that she liked him as he was had touched him in a way he hadn't expected. He knew that she was accepting of his issues but he hadn't really considered that she would prefer him this way.

"Aww," Bella couldn't help but giggle, "How about this? —give me like ten minutes to call and check with the doctor before it gets any later and then _you_ call me back. If you can manage to make the phone call I'll promise not only the hug as soon as I get back, but something I think you might like even more."

"Ten minutes?" he asked suddenly intrigued.

"Yep."

"Hey Bella," he smiled, feeling like she was being playful on purpose to get them off of such an intense topic.

"Yes?"

"I'll call you back in ten minutes." He teased before hanging up.

***

"Hi, Dr. Montgomery? This is Bella Swan…yeah, I was wondering if you'd be free to see me sometime over the next day or so?"

"Bella, it's just so wonderful to hear from you." Dr. Montgomery enthusiastically replied, "Are we talking socially or professionally?"

"I'd be willing to take either one you're offering as long as I get to ask some advice." Bella smiled.

She had always valued this woman's opinion on some level, she just wasn't ready to put her suggestions into affect so many years ago, but now with a specific goal, and circumstances that had changed she felt like she may be able to really be of some help this time.

"Well, depending on what we're talking about, I might need to insist on a bit of both." She chuckled good naturedly, "But if its important, as I feel it might be—calling me so late on a Friday afternoon, then how about meeting me for a coffee so that we can at least get some of the basics out of the way. You are in town?"

"I am—just in town visiting Charlie for a day or two so that I can pack up some of my things. I'm living in Port Angeles with Alice right now, we moved into a place that her parent's got for her a few weeks ago." She explained.  
If she was going to be giving her the facts about everything she may as well start out by being truthful and thorough.

"Oh, that's fantastic news. You must have graduated by now in that case."

Bella confirmed her conclusion and went on to ask if she was still working out of the same office—happy to hear that she was.

"So could you maybe meet me over at the diner in about twenty minutes? We could go ahead and sort out whether or not this advice you seek can be given over cobbler and a latte or whether we might need to work something out officially for future visits." The good doctor offered once more.

"That sounds just about perfect. I'm actually waiting on a phone call," Bella couldn't help but grin, "but I can head that way right after I speak with them."

"Excellent. I'll see you then, dear."

Bella checked the time, noting that about seven minutes had passed. She went to the living room and found her coat along with her truck's keys and then went to the kitchen to pencil a note for her father. She was hoping that this meeting didn't take too long, and knowing her father, he'd be just fine even if it did, but she was unwilling to give up this opportunity to go ahead and get things started. The sooner she could address these questions and concerns the sooner she could make herself right. And the sooner that happened the sooner she could make herself more available to Edward. It was an amazing feeling to finally be moving forward of her own accord—not because some else thought that she should, but because she was ready and willing.

"Hello." She sang happily as she walked out the door so that she could go ahead and climb into her truck as she waited for his call.

"Do I get extra points for being a whole minute early?" he wanted to know.

"I'll take it into consideration." She playfully remarked. "You didn't manage to rub a hole through any of those new jeans that Alice got for you, did ya?"

His laughter was such a wonderful sound.

"The jeans are fine." He promised, "I can't say the same for the arm of this sofa though." He regretfully added. "Mom's gonna be pissed isn't she?"

Bella was so glad that she hadn't attempted to pull away from the house just yet. She had a perfect image of him in her mind, sitting there his phone in one hand, the other relentlessly digging at the arm of the sofa, repeatedly turning his wrist so that he could keep track of the time on his watch.

"Not funny, Edward. I'm about to start driving, so you need to stop making me laugh." She scolded him lightly through continued chuckles.

"Driving? Where to?" he asked still trying to control his own giggles that the sound of her laughter had induced.

"Dr. Montgomery has agreed to meet up with me in just a few minutes so that we can discuss what sort of guidance I might need."

"Wow Bella, that's great." He told her in all honesty, "I wasn't thinking that you'd get to see her so quickly."

"That's Forks for you. My dad being who he is, everyone knows him and therefore me. People tend to go out of there way to be helpful when you say the name Swan around here." She acted as if she was unnerved by it but went on to add that aside from that Dr. Montgomery was just that type of person.

It was only a short drive across town and Bella spent the entire ride chatting with Edward. He told her that he could only recall ever going to Forks once or twice as a kid and that he couldn't remember much about it, Port Angeles being so much larger, offering everything that Forks couldn't. She'd already told him what a trauma it was to move to Washington in general after spending most of her formative years in such a warm, dry climate as Phoenix, but Forks had been a _real_ experience. Small town life being something entirely different from what she'd always known.

She pulled into a spot across the street from the diner about five minutes before she really needed to be there, but she could already see that Dr. Montgomery was early as well, sitting at a small table by the front window.

"Okay, I made it." She told Edward, "I'd say call me back later but I don't know how long this will take."

Edward chuckled lightly and made her promise to call him again instead. He wanted to know how things went and told her that he'd be available to listen if she wanted to talk about anything.  
Thanking him for everything she hung up and made her way across the street.

Dr. Sarah Montgomery was a woman that Bella would estimate was in her mid fifties by now, with salt and pepper hair that she kept shoulder length and usually tamed by a pair of ivory combs, neatly tucked into her curls. She was of an average height, maybe an inch or two taller than Bella and she gave off a very warm, matronly vibe. To be honest, though they didn't look similar in any way, Bella would have described her as the emotional equivalent of Esme Cullen, but with a doctorial degree in psychology.  
Upon seeing Bella enter the diner she stood from her chair and reached to embrace her as if she was a long lost relative that had finally come home to visit instead of a former patient.

"My goodness, it's been a while, hasn't it?" She smiled, making her eyes crinkle slightly at the corners.

"Longer than it should have been I'm thinking." Bella agreed taking a seat across from her former doctor and confidant for all intents and purposes.

A teenaged looking girl that Bella didn't recognize, immediately approached the table and took their orders for coffee and cobbler, before leaving them with a pleasant smile to go and retrieve their requested items.

"Alright, let's have it. What can I do for you these days?"

Bella took a breath and focused on the scuffed laminate surface of the table for a brief moment, while pulling at her lower lip with her teeth.

"Well, Dr. Montgomery…thing is I've umm…met someone special…"


	17. Chapter 17

:):):)

Chapter 17

"Tell me about him, will you?" Dr. Montgomery requested taking a bite of her berry cobbler.

Her demeanor was every bit as calming and friendly as Bella had remembered it being so many years ago. She'd liked her well enough then, but she'd been a stubborn, confused teenager at the time, unwilling to accept that perhaps an educated adult might indeed know a thing or two about what she'd been through and be offering her sage advice that may very well help her deal with her fears and concerns.

"His name is Edward. He's actually Alice's older brother oddly enough." Bella felt herself blushing as she thought of all the things she'd really like to say in order to _describe_ him more accurately.

"Really? And when did you two meet?" she asked again in an unassuming conversational manner that made Bella feel as if this meeting was more like two friends having a bite to eat and a coffee, chatting about what all they'd been up to since they'd last seen one another.

Really? Had she always been so easygoing and approachable? If so, Bella was ready to go and find her fifteen year old self and shake some sense into her. She'd had this wonderful woman at her disposal for all these years and somehow she'd missed just how easy it should have been to speak candidly with her about her true feelings.

"He came to visit last Sunday and he's been staying with us." She explained while toying with the idea of trying to eat some of her own pre-dinner dessert.

"And you've been able to determine that he's 'special' in just that short a period of time?"

Bella didn't take any offense to the question; it would seem a reasonable thing to ask that, in her opinion, had it been in regard to anyone other than she and Edward.

Dr. Montgomery smiled seeing that Bella was immediately contemplating how to answer her question. She noted a broad mix of emotions flash across her features as she tried to find the best way to convince her that she wasn't just making this up, or jumping the gun so to speak.  
What Bella didn't know was that she'd already made her point.

Dr. Montgomery had a long memory. She could recall pretty well every individual that she'd ever spoken to as a patient if she'd seen them more than once. Bella had changed a lot from the girl she'd been all those years ago—just the way that she'd spoken with her on the phone prior to arranging this meeting was all the proof she'd needed to understand that this dear girl was finally ready to explore what would be necessary to put her past well and truly behind her. And the fact that the first thing she wished to talk about was this young man—this Edward, was an indication that she did indeed hold him in a very high regard.

"Let's forget about that question for a few minutes." She suggested instead, wanting to keep Bella comfortable and open to discussing what was really on her mind.

"Tell me a little _more_ about him, what is it that makes him special in your opinion?"

Bella thought about her answer and she thought about what Edward had said to her earlier about needing to be honest if she were going to expect any results from speaking with her doctor.

"He's everything that I've never seen in another person." She concluded.

"He's…he's really shy and quiet most of the time, but when you can get him to talk, you find out that he's incredibly funny and charming. He's so kind and courteous, like all the time. And he's ridiculously smart—like genius kind of smart, but not in an intimidating or arrogant way or anything. And he really loves his family. I think that he'd pretty well do anything for Alice as long as she'd smile at him and tell him that she's proud of him. And he's _so_ good looking…"

"Ooh, tell me some more about that." Dr. Montgomery encouraged leaning forward to better pay attention, as if they were indeed a pair of girlfriends out to lunch discussing the newest boy in school and not the man that had finally gained Bella's attention—so much so that she was finally seeking the advice that she should have acquired way back when.

Bella chuckled nervously, seeing the humor behind this situation though she was still embarrassed to have admitted so much without even consider her words. She realized that she must sound like some giddy young girl yammering on about her first crush. Well, she sort of was. She glanced around the practically deserted diner before focusing once again on the pleasant woman seated across from her.

"He's really tall and has the brightest green eyes I've ever seen."

"I do like the green eyes." The doctor agreed with an interested nod and an indulgent smile.

"His hair is kind of a mess all the time, but it works for him, and it's sort of like his mother's in color but almost…_bronze,_ I'd have to call it."

Receiving another nod to encourage her to keep talking Bella went on to say that she liked it when he didn't shave for a few days and how she thought that his voice was heavenly, especially when he'd first wake in the morning—always sounding just a little deeper than usual.

"Well you certainly have convinced me that this boy is indeed an impressive specimen of a man." Dr. Montgomery pretended to fan her heated cheeks for a moment making the both of them chuckle in good humor. "Tell me that he has a broad set of shoulders to go with everything else and I may very well need some ice cream to cool things down."

Bella giggled a bit, a definite twinkle taking up residence in her eyes.

"Oh dear." The older woman chuckled placing a hand upon her chest.

"Would you say that you're in love, Bella?" she inquired with a more serious tone a few moments later, after giving them both a minute to recover, though their smiles were still shining bright.

Bella nodded easily but found herself unable to verbalize it just yet.

"But you're afraid of what that might involve aren't you?" she added, again earning a nod from Bella—a rather sobering one this time.

"In terms of knowing one another's history—issues, how would you say you two are doing when you try to communicate that type of information?" she wanted to know now.

"We're definitely still learning." Bella openly confessed.

This was why she'd come to her in the first place. There was something about the way _she'd_ ask these types of questions that Bella knew would allow her to actually consider and answer them honestly.  
She'd never been in a relationship like she wanted to have with Edward and therefore she didn't know what to ask him, how much she should tell him, how fast they should proceed or what was considered _normal _even. Just thinking back to the way they'd both behaved the day before, when she'd felt the need to step away from everything for a moment, was proof positive that they both needed to learn a thing or two about communication.

"He knows about the incident?" she asked gently.

Bella nodded.

"And how did he take that information?"

"I umm…I wasn't the one to tell him." Bella admitted, knowing now that she probably should have been. She just hadn't been prepared for the feelings she'd felt around Edward and therefore she couldn't have known how important his knowing about her past might have been, until after that task had already fallen to someone else.  
"He's very understanding though, and he's actually asked me to wait until I feel ready before we talk anymore specifically about the subject."

"A special young man indeed." Her doctor agreed before moving on to another question.

"Do you think that you could talk to him? Could you tell him in your own words what happened and how it has affected you?"

"I believe that I can," Bella pause trying to think of the best way to elaborate, "I feel like I can tell him anything and somehow he'll be okay with it."

"Okay, you've thoroughly convinced me that this young man has indeed made an impression on you that deserves some attention and I have quite a few ideas to share—some things that I believe may help the two of you move in the right direction. But before I ask you anything else, I'd like to know if there are any specific questions that you have for me, anything else that I need to consider as I formulate a game plan for you?" Dr. Montgomery took a small sip of her coffee, looking down to avoid putting any undue pressure on Bella's response time.

"I know that I still believe somewhere inside, much of what James accused me of." Bella said in a small voice after taking quite a while to speak in the first place, "I know that he wasn't right on some level, but I haven't been able to convince every part of my conscience. Most times I do what I can to just…_avoid_ thinking about it, but with Edward I can't _not_ think about it."

Bella felt Dr. Montgomery's focus though neither was looking at the other. Bella let her gaze wander to her truck parked outside and took a deep breath. She recalled the setting and the content of her dream from this morning and she remembered the way that it had made her feel. She'd felt wanted and adored, she'd felt…_loved_ when she was in Edward's embrace. Though Bella knew firsthand what it was like to be held by Edward, it had always been an innocent gesture meant to comfort one another, not the type of affectionate or passionate embrace she was so eager to explore. She was fearful of what it would _really_ be like.

"And I'm still frightened by the concept of physical intimacy." She finally concluded her voice beginning to fill with emotion, despite the effort to keep her self in check.

"Bella?" Dr. Montgomery's voice was soothing and full of sympathy as she spoke, after taking a few minutes to consider what Bella had shared. "I'd like to ask you just two more questions, if that would be okay?"

Bella nodded immediately, though her body had taken on a rather guarded appearance.

"Have you and Edward attempted any sort of affectionate exchange at this point?" she asked quietly, her voice still tender and unassuming.

"We've umm…held hands on occasion." Bella responded, clearing her throat, "and shared a few hugs."

There was a slight pause on both of their parts, each waiting to see if there was more to share.

"That's a very good place to start." The doctor assured her after she'd concluded that Bella had nothing further to say.

"Now I'd like to ask you if you have any idea whether or not Edward is at the same level of experience as you when it comes to intimacy."

Bella didn't mean to do it but the little bubble of humor that her question had triggered seemed to surface of its own accord. Her emotions were so confused by the stress of having to share so much that she was unable to keep herself from responding, since the question struck her as being so funny. She now understood why Alice often responded this way to such questions about Edward; for those that didn't _know_ him, the question would sound reasonable, for those that did it was really quite humorous.  
After clearing her throat again to smother the uncomfortable snort of laughter that had briefly made an appearance, Bella looked up to see that the doctor was calmly waiting for an answer, her expression giving no indication as to her own opinion of the matter.

"I can only assume so." Bella finally admitted. "We haven't spoken about it per se, but I feel as though I should elaborate on my earlier comment about Edward being shy all of a sudden."

"Good enough," she conceded with a warm smile, able to understand what she was getting at with relative ease.

She took another sip of her coffee and indicated that Bella should go ahead and relax as well.

"I would offer you two pieces of advice at this point, if you think you'd be willing to try them." She went on to say once Bella had taken a few bites of her cobbler and a drink from her cup as well.

Bella nodded enthusiastically.

"First I'd like for you to speak openly with Edward about the incident. For someone like yourself, that has suffered such a hit to his or her self-esteem, it is important to know that your partner understands as much about you as possible. If your secrets and concerns are already on the table, then it is much easier to trust that the other person truly values your company—your faults and fears and inadequacies included."

Bella nodded her understanding, paying close attention to every word and gesture being used. Dr. Montgomery smiled proudly at the further changes she could see; this was a young woman committed to fixing her problems—eager to do what was necessary.

"Secondly, I think that it also might be time for the two of you to broach the subject of just what sort of relationship you intend to pursue."

Bella didn't balk at the suggestion, but she felt like a little further explanation might be helpful anyway.

"Communication is going be extremely important for you and Edward in order to keep your fears at bay until we can figure out how best to dispel them for good, but figuring out where the two of you stand as far as needs and expectations will allow you to take some of the stress out of your situation for now."

The relief that her suggestions had offered was apparent as Bella smiled and shook her head in wonder.

"You make it all sound so logical." She chuckled.

"It is," she smiled conspiratorially, "but if everyone was prone to logic during emotional times in their lives, then I'd be out of a job."

They shared a laugh together this time and proceeded to eat a bit more of their desserts.

"Can I ask you one more thing?" Dr. Montgomery wondered a moment later.

"Sure." Bella offered easily enough.

"You say that Edward is very quiet and shy, so I have to assume that you were the one to approach him—what was it that made you do so?"

Bella smiled timidly and focused on folding her hands in her lap.

"Alice had already told me quite a bit about him and I felt comfortable with him on some level right from the start. I'm normally too intimidated or uninterested to consider making new friends, but with Edward it was different; I really wanted him to like me and I had this uncontrollable need to know more about him."

Dr. Montgomery smiled her kind smile while listening to Bella's explanation, feeling so encouraged by her honestly.

"I'm very proud of you, Bella." She praised while digging into her bag for a business card and a pen. "I'd like for you to take your time with the suggestions that I've already given you, but if you have questions or want to talk about the results you call me any time. I'm adding my personal cell and my home numbers to the back. When you've accomplished this first phase, you call me and we'll find time to meet again, okay."

Bella agreed while taking the offered card.

"My last bit of advice for you right now would be to take your time. This Edward of yours sounds like a wonderful young man and I'm certain that he'll be willing to work with you, based on what you've said about him. There's no need to rush into something that you're not comfortable with, but when you are feeling ready we can work on ways to make things as easy as possible for you both."

Bella stood up from her chair and took the offered hug that her doctor had waiting for her, just as she'd always done after each of their former meetings.

"Thank you so much, I'm feeling better about all of this already." Bella sighed.

"Not too bad for the cost of a couple of desserts, huh?" Dr. Montgomery teased.

***

Bella had called Edward, while on her way back to her father's house, to let him know that things had gone well and that she was feeling pretty good about the meeting with her doctor. She'd been reluctant to get into any specific details over the phone, but she did promise to call him later that night so that they could talk some more. There time was limited at the moment, as Bella knew that her father would most likely be home when she arrived back at the house. Since she was now motivated more than ever to be packed up and ready to go back to Port Angeles—back to Edward, as soon as possible, she was eager to spend some time with Charlie this evening.  
When she'd come here this weekend she'd wanted time away to consider everything—time to think; but now, with a good place to start clearly laid out before her she was anxious to get things underway and let the healing process begin.

However, she hadn't expected Charlie to be so talkative tonight, nor had she expected him to be so observant. He'd asked where she'd been this afternoon innocently enough, while keeping her some company in the kitchen as she finished preparing their dinner. It wasn't like her father at all to hover, or willingly forgo whatever sporting event might be available for viewing on the television in the evening, so Bella took the opportunity as a sign. She was feeling so good about the conversation she'd had with Dr. Montgomery that she figured the more support and understanding she could locate from those she cared about the better. Edward's family already knew that something was in the works between the two of them, so perhaps it was time to share some information with her own—her mother would undoubtedly be thrilled. She wasn't quite as sure about Charlie, but she had this feeling that she may as well put the truth out there for her father to consider, and see what sort of response it might bring.

Back when Bella was dealing with all of these issues the first time around, Charlie had been unwaveringly supportive of anything she'd needed, but true to form he'd left the discussion about all things related to what had really happened up to the doctor and whomever else Bella felt comfortable speaking with. He'd been there on the tail end of the incident in question and he wasn't okay with being made to relive it any more often than he absolutely had to. As Bella had expected, the mention of Edward was the one thing that her dad latched on to and felt the need to discuss further when she told him about her visit with Dr. Montgomery.

"I thought that Alice's brother was living some place else…Chicago or something?" Charlie had questioned, when Bella spoke of him visiting and the two of them getting to know one another.

"He's actually in Colorado now, he went to school for a while in Chicago." She corrected.

She could tell that there would be more questions but he didn't seem to be okay asking just yet. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable by providing more information than he'd likely find necessary so she just left the subject alone until he figured out what he wanted to ask most.

"He's a little…?" Charlie hesitated still not knowing how to say it exactly, so in the end he just decided to let her know that he didn't have a good way to ask.  
"I don't want to seem rude, Bella, but I don't know how else to put this—there's something _wrong_ with him, isn't there?"

Her father really wasn't trying to seem rude, but she was prepared to defend Edward to anyone. The fact that her dad looked so uncertain and was trying so hard to form his question in an inoffensive manner at least meant that he was merely curious but not trying to be judgmental. Bella hadn't really considered how others might have viewed the Cullen's situation with Edward. Small towns had a tendency to gossip and she knew first hand how badly the truth could become mangled when rumors started to wander. What _did_ everyone else think of him? She wasn't sure she really wanted to know.

"He's just shy, Dad." She corrected him again with a bit of a sigh. "Imagine someone that's like me but ten times worse. He has trouble talking to people and he gets nervous in situations where he might have to deal with things that he's not use to, so he usually just makes sure that he doesn't have to."

"But he'll talk to you?" Charlie asked.

Bella nodded while smiling timidly.

"Well…he'd better be nice about it, behave himself." Charlie muttered uncomfortably after obviously thinking about it for a while, making Bella smile a little brighter.

***

"Seriously? You paid for some coffee and dessert and got all of that from this woman in like half an hour's time?" Edward asked in disbelief. "Where was this lady when I was a kid? I don't know that I would have been willing to talk to her or anything, but it sure would have saved Mom and Dad a bundle."

Bella giggled at his response.

"I've got her card for when I feel like I'm ready to talk some more, but right now she's left things up to us. I'm sure when I have to see her again we'll be a little more official." She explained.

Edward was lounging on the sofa again with Bella's blanket lying across his chest, her scent still blessedly lingering within the fabric, making him feel as if she was right there with him.

"So looks like we'll be having our own little therapy session when you get back?" he asked in all seriousness now.

"If you'd be willing, I'm certainly ready." Bella agreed.

"For you—anything." He promised a little grin gracing his lips.

Edward was the very picture of relaxation.  
He was loosely holding his phone with one hand while his other arm was draped over the back of the sofa, his head tilted back slightly as he listened to Bella tell him about her afternoon, his feet crossed at the ankles, legs stretched out taking up most of the couch. He was wrapping and unwrapping the corner of Bella's blanket around his fingers repetitively, not in his usual fidgety manner, but instead just so that he had some physical connection with her. They'd been chatting for the better part of two whole hours now, and Edward had been loving every minute of it.

He didn't want to get into any great detail about the plans that he'd been mulling over for most of the day, but he was too impatient to wait until she got back home to ask if there was a chance that she'd have some time available to help him work on his people skills. He couldn't make himself ask her if she'd be willing to go out with him in a traditional manner—the idea of _dating_ was still far too intimidating for him to consider. He instead mentioned that there were a lot of things he'd been wanting to do and explained how difficult it was for him to find the courage he need to actually do those types of things. She already knew that this was a significant problem for him, so he wasn't feeling nearly as bashful having to admit it this time around. What made it even easier was her obvious and immediate acceptance of the idea. She was so excited that he wanted to try and so flattered that he felt like she would be enough of a motivator for him to finally get out and experience the things that he usually made a point of avoiding.

"Oh and guess what else?" Bella smiled while swiveling back and forth in the old desk chair, up in her room, "I told my dad a little about you tonight." She went on to say after he'd made a noise to indicate she should tell him.

She could practically hear him tense over the phone so she went on to tell him what was said, minus Charlie's initial concern about his _issues_.

"You talked to your dad about me?" his voice was a few octaves higher than usual making Bella chuckle.

"Edward?" Bella said to get his attention, able to tell even over the phone that she'd basically lost him for the moment when there was no further comment.

And they'd been doing so well too. She'd already told him all about her visit with the doctor and he'd agreed without question to help her in any way that he could. She had avoided speaking of what exactly Dr. Montgomery had indicated was to be their main topics of discussion on purpose, which was likely why he'd taken the suggestion so easily, but she refused to lay that type of information on him over the phone. She instead wanted to express just how helpful the visit had been in general, and assure him that she was making progress already. She also loved that she was able to tell him what an important role he was playing in her healing process and how much she appreciated his support—he'd been incredibly humbled by that admission, but she promised him that it was true.

Unfortunately it would seem that they'd both been able to let their guard down just a little too soon. She would have never thought that mentioning she'd told Charlie about their friendship status would be the thing to push him over his limit for the night but it was now glaringly obvious that Bella wasn't the only one who still had a lot of boundaries left to figure out.

"Sweetheart, he was very supportive of our friendship, I promise…he was quite happy really, once I explained how you were the one that made me _want_ to see Dr. Montgomery again." Bella was feeling a bit panicked when Edward hadn't responded yet. She hadn't even caught on to the fact that she'd called him 'Sweetheart;' that is until she processed that she _had_ actually heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line somewhere in the midst of her apologetic explanation.

"Talk to me," she pleaded slightly after another moment, fearing the worst, assuming that he was going into his shy mode. Her hands were tied being on the phone so far away from him right now. She wished that she could see him, that she could look into his eyes and reassure him.

"Did you mean to call me…sweetheart?" he asked softly the tone of his voice unreadable.

"No—not really. But you had me scared there for a second and I don't know how many times I've tried to explain that I can't filter my words when I'm nervous." She sighed, internally swearing at herself.

She wanted to know _why_ she couldn't control that aspect of her brain any better and why this sweet, sweet man couldn't accept that her mind would naturally want to label him as such in the first place.

Well, he was just going to have to get over that particular insecurity if she had any say so in this matter. They had been so focused on her issues as of late that it was just a little too easy to forget that he had so many of his own left to deal with, but Bella wasn't going to let this one go without addressing it. If they were going to do this then she wanted the freedom to express her feelings and Edward needed to understand that endearments would always mean something to her. She liked the sound of calling him Sweetheart; she hadn't known it would be so pleasurable until she'd accidently said it, but now she wanted him to understand that she had meant it, in a manner of speaking.

"Edward you are the sweetest man that I have ever met—I think you know that, and though I didn't mean to let that slip out, it's honestly how I feel about you. You are a sweetheart." Bella was blushing about forty shades of red. She could feel the heat radiating off of her skin, but she was happy to tell him the truth. Communication was the key after all. "My brain knows it, whether I'm comfortable admitting it yet or not."

"It's okay," Edward finally managed to tell her, "I was just caught off guard I guess by the mention of your father and everything and well, umm…I can't believe I'm considering telling you this," Edward took a deep breath, "I uhh…earlier today I actually thought about maybe wanting to umm…meet your dad one day. And then on the phone this afternoon," he cleared his throat, "I sort of almost called you," another breath, "Baby."

It was Bella's turn to be speechless for a minute. She absolutely loved the sound of him saying the word 'Baby' in reference to her and...he wanted to _meet_ her father?

"Edward?" she asked a smile behind her tone, "What are you doing right now?"

She had this picture of him in her mind, his hand fisted into his hair, his eyes closed tightly, the phone about to be crushed by his death grip.

A nervous laugh answered her.

"I'm probably about to rip the collar right off of my shirt at any moment." He admitted, making her laugh as well.

"So…would it be alright with you if I were to call you Sweetheart from time to time?" There was a touch of playfulness in her voice but she just couldn't help it.  
She loved the idea of being able to speak freely and if it meant she could saddle him with a pet name or at the very least get away with expressing her true opinion of his nature via endearments she was all for it.

His deep, throaty chuckle tickled her ears.

"Depends on whether it's okay for me to call you Baby."


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: LOL, I just couldn't seem to stop writing this time. One thing led to another, and then another, and the details just kept getting out of hand—hope that's alright ;)  
Anyway, I decided to break up the crazy marathon chapter I ended up with, so that I could go ahead and give y'all something to read sooner rather then later.

There's more to come soon enough.

Chapter 18

Edward felt a gentle hum against his chest and pressed his hand curiously against it. He hadn't realized that he'd fallen asleep or that his phone, blessedly set to silent now, after his little incident with the ringtone scaring the hell out him the day before, was still laying upon his chest, buried beneath Bella's blanket.  
He dug the phone out and had to squint at the screen, unable to see clearly without the help of his glasses, which he'd apparently removed at some point.  
He only had about five numbers programmed into his phone so the fact that there was obviously a name there and not some unrecognizable number gave him the courage to go ahead and answer, though he still didn't know exactly who was calling at this hour.

"Cullen." He sighed, his voice rumbling heavily, still thick with sleep.

"Good morning, Sweetheart." Bella giggled, sounding far too giddy for this time of day.

Her cheerfulness made Edward chuckle as well and the sound of her calling him Sweetheart warmed his entire being, starting of course with his instantly reddened cheeks.

They'd talked for along time the night before and Edward now recalled closing his eyes after saying goodnight, just so that he could sit back and savor the feeling of knowing that they were really getting somewhere for a moment. They spoke about very basic topics such as the weather and the return trip that Bella would be making in the next day or so, but there was something new about the way they were learning to communicate. On more than one occasion they'd managed to complete the other's sentence and they were in agreement on many other topics, laughing easily and speaking freely about things that Edward knew without a doubt that he'd never been comfortable discussing before, with anyone.

"Morning…Baby." He managed the reply with only a slight hesitation before committing to the use of his desired nickname for her—another step that he never would have guessed they'd be ready to take this early on in their _relationship_.

"Did you sleep well?" Bella asked, suddenly feeling a bit self conscious for having had the urge to call him so early, hoping that she might get to enjoy the sound of his morning voice though they couldn't be together today.

She was biting into her pillow as she waited for his response, hardly able to control the intense urge she had to squeal that his use of the word 'Baby' had threatened to induce. It sounded so wonderful when coupled with the slight growl in his voice. She couldn't wait to get home and hear him actually say such things to her in person for the first time.

"Uh huh," he yawned, then cleared his throat, "need some coffee though. You don't happen to have any ready for me, do ya?" he teased.

"Not yet, sorry." Bella smiled. "I just wanted to say good morning before I got busy today. I haven't even been downstairs to see if my dad's awake yet." Bella closed her eyes and reminded herself that the truth was important.  
"I really missed the sound of your voice in the morning yesterday, so I figured that maybe by calling I'd get to hear it today anyway."

"Bella, I sound like I've swallowed a frog most mornings." He sighed, though there was humor in his words.

"I know, but I kind of like it I guess," she shrugged. "It's different."

There was something in the sound of her voice as well this morning and Edward couldn't help but wonder if she was possibly aroused. The energy and honesty she was employing certainly pointed in that direction, but he didn't know how to ask.  
And sure enough, what Bella had refused to say, despite the honest explanation she'd offered, was that she actually found the sound of his voice quite sexy first thing in the morning.

Edward shifted around a bit, trying to sit up. He'd already discovered that Alice's preference for buying him tight fitting jeans had some benefits after all, though right now they were proving to be a touch uncomfortable—definitely not made for sleeping in.  
He'd actually noticed the most obvious benefit when he'd taken Bella to dinner at his parent's house that first night—he would have been mortified otherwise had she seen some indication as to just how _excited_ he was to be spending time with her.

"Well, you can be the first person I talk to each morning if that'll make you this happy." He promised, his hand rubbing gently against the firm bulge in his pants—his stiff morning wood, exacerbated by her admission and the sweet innocence she conveyed, aching within the tight confines of his jeans.  
He glanced down cautiously and though there was a definite outline to his erection he knew that it was nowhere near as noticeable as it would be were he wearing anything else.

"I like this idea—maybe I could employ you as my new alarm clock? It would certainly be a preferable sound to the one that I'm forced to use now." She told him.  
Something about the tone of her voice sent his mind rushing off in search of possibilities.

Edward let his head fall back against the arm of the sofa with a soft thud. Good lord…she had no idea what she was doing to him. His hand firmly covered his twitching cock, praying for mercy as he tried not to groan aloud. He had a thousand different ways he'd love to wake her up in the morning if she would let him, his voice being useful during only one of his top ten choices.

"Baby, I've already told you—I'll be whatever it is you need me to be. I'd gladly wake you in the morning…every morning."  
Edward closed his eyes and pleaded once again for a moment to himself. His words came out in a breathy whisper, the strain in his voice had to be obvious, but he was so far gone that he didn't have it within himself to care at the moment.

"Oh Edward, you _are_ the sweetest…"

"Oh Edward," he heard what appeared to be some sort of echo just behind him, "you're already up, that's wonderful! We brought breakfast!" Alice giggled, dancing merrily into the room, having seen a glimpse of his head resting as it was over the arm of the sofa, while she and Jasper tried to quietly enter the kitchen, in case he was still asleep this morning.

His head snapped up immediately, his hand fisting in restraint as he instinctually pulled it away from his crotch.

"Shit, Alice!" he gasped in shock, "No, no, sorry Bella…yeah, Alice is here." He told her while trying to sit up, keeping Bella's blanket carefully draped over his lap.

"Oh yay, Bella!" Alice's eyes sparkled as she reached for his phone.

Edward did a slight double take not understanding what had just happened seeing his suddenly empty hand. When he looked back to his sister he saw Jasper holding onto one of her hands as he smoothly went about removing the phone from her other while she was trying to say hi to Bella.

"Morning Bells," he grinned calmly, giving Alice a look that made her stop her wiggling about. "I'm gonna give you back to Edward now so that I can feed Alice and make her relax for a second while y'all say goodbye, but I can't promise that she won't be calling you back in a bit so she can bitch about me." He chuckled lightly about whatever Bella had said to him in return.  
"If she damages any of my gender identifying parts as a result you owe me big time, got it? —Miss you too darlin'." He smiled handing Edward back his phone before giving Alice a gentle kiss on her forehead, while throwing a discrete wink in Edward's direction.  
When Edward took a deep breath and stared at his phone, unsure of how to proceed all of a sudden, Jasper mouthed the word, 'Sorry' as he steered Alice out of the room.

"Jeez Sugar, give that man a little privacy would you." Jasper admonished Alice gently as they entered the kitchen, a playful grin touching his lips.

"Why in the world would Edward need privacy? He was just talking to Bella on the…Oh my GOD!" Alice covered her mouth with both hands, in utter disbelief, the thought never having occurred to her. "You don't think?"

"No. I don't think." Jasper snickered. "Edward's not the type at all and you said yourself they've only been getting to know one another for a few days. But, he is a man and Bella is a sweet girl, you have to assume that at some point they _will_ want to have their alone time."

"What the hell was I thinking? Why didn't you stop me, he could have been…"

"Whoa there, let's not get that imagination of yours working." Jasper laughed as he retrieved the butter, cream cheese and some orange juice from the refrigerator. "The dude just realized he's in love yesterday according to you, and if I remember anything at all about your brother he's very much a behind closed doors kind of guy."

Alice sighed heavily as she sat down in her chair and began to spread out the assortment of muffins and pastries they'd picked up on the way over. She so wasn't use to all of these new possibilities involving her brother—it was almost too much to have to think about.

Meanwhile, after Edward had been able to explain the mild heart attack he'd just been able to survive and his sudden need to speak with his sister as a result Bella had agreed that they would talk again later. She wanted to take advantage of her father being home and available today anyway; with any luck she'd be done packing as soon as possible and ready to head home so that she and Edward could speak to one another some more—this time face to face.

Edward did want to speak with Alice, but first he wanted some relief and he'd never find it sitting out here on the sofa with she and Jasper in the very next room.

Making his way quickly up the stairs and into the bathroom, he stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower, only as an afterthought did he actually turn on the water. His mind was singularly focused on Bella and the way she'd sounded this morning. Playful, happy and so sensual, as she'd confessed this desire to _hear_ his voice.

"Jesus, Baby, you're killing me." He grunted softly, the side of his face pressed up against the cold tiles of the shower, his hand working desperately to once again release his pent up need.  
The startling interruption by Alice and Jasper just now had been a very affective tool for deflating his erection, but it had compounded the heavy ache that seemed to be permanently residing in his groin these days.

He'd given up on the guilt that he'd once felt when thinking of Bella in these terms. He was coming to understand that this was all a part of the process. He loved this woman and his body wanted her; until he could find a way to make that okay for the both of them to experience, he'd enjoy whatever pleasure he could take from the memory of her face and the sound of her voice and the words she was willing to share. Maybe a little _practice_ on his end would even prove to be beneficial when the time came that he and Bella could finally explore their love in a more physical way.

His palm rubbing repeatedly over his swelling penis was finally starting to build into something more—his grip having changed from the usual gentle simulation to a more forceful tug, his last three fingers curling around his tightening scrotum, his thumb and forefinger continuing to push the blood, rapidly filling his cock towards its head.  
He wasn't even standing under the flow of water behind him but he could tell it was hot, the steam blurring his vision, sweat beginning to sting his eyes as it dripped from his forehead.

He looked down and saw the result of what his hand and his mind had been able to do to his body and his crooked little smirk started to pull at the corners of his mouth.

"That's right Baby, that's what you do to me." He groaned letting his body enjoy the ego boost seeing him self like this was prone to causing.

He wasn't the most outrageously endowed of men, but Edward knew enough from his studies of anatomy and science to know that he was reasonably above average in some ways.  
He'd rarely bothered to enjoy self-stimulation in recent years, not having the desire nor seeing a need, but since meeting Bella he'd been forced into making up for lost time. Still able to remember his tentative, and often awkward attempts at this type of thing during his teenaged years, he knew that it had never been like this before. His flaccid length hadn't changed since he was probably seventeen, yet his erections had never been so prominent. He was now thick and nearly doubled in length by the time he'd reach his potential; Edward let his fingers lightly trail over the bulbous head and shuttered under the intense feeling. He imagined for a moment that it wasn't his hand but Bella's that touched him now and his body jerked in response—his heart beginning to thump even faster.

He reached over and blindly grabbed hold of the soap, twisting the bar in his right hand a couple of times before letting it drop as he conjured up an image of Bella wrapped in his embrace, their bodies tangled together. His slippery hand formed a tight fist as his hips eagerly began pumping away, the rest of his body remaining stiff and rigid—the thought of his cock pounding into her tight little body like this becoming almost too much to bare. He was babbling incoherently by the time he'd found his release, every other word being 'Baby' followed by some manner of expletive, his legs starting to give out, forcing him to sink down to his knees. He found the bar of soap and quickly lathered up, while he sat in the bottom of the shower trying to catch him breath. At this point he'd have to give Alice a little donation for his share of their water bill this month, but he didn't have it within him to care while still enjoying in the intense pleasure of such an orgasm.

Making sure to rinse himself and the shower thoroughly before stepping out to towel dry, Edward told his penis that he was going to have to behave himself once Bella got back home.

"You're not allowed to scare her away you creepy bastard." He'd said very seriously before wrapping the towel about his hips.

"Don't go getting all twitchy, you know you're too tired for anything else right now." Edward chuckled, while gathering up his discarded clothes.  
He couldn't help but find this newest development somewhat humorous. He'd talked to himself for years, but he'd never specifically addressed various parts of is anatomy before. He had to wonder what would be next, giving his new little buddy some sort of name?

"Dammit, Alice!" Edward swore the moment he opened the bathroom door, finding his sister perched at the foot of her bed waiting patiently.

Her eyes grew slightly larger before she turned away insisting he get dressed.

"Well excuse me for assuming that I'd have a moment to shower and change before you'd come up here stalking my ass." Edward grumbled as he quickly tossed his arm full of clothes into the corner and began trying to find a clean pair of underwear and jeans at the very least.

"Don't talk to me about your ass until you've got something other than a towel covering it." Alice protested, trying desperately to figure out how she could cover her eyes and ears all at once.  
She could still hear the door to the bathroom slam shut a moment later though and she breathed a sigh of relief. She was determined to apologize for her unthinking actions from before, but now she realized that she may very well have done it again. Thank goodness Jasper had convinced her to wait until after she'd had a cup of coffee before coming upstairs, she wouldn't be able to handle being in the same room with her brother if she'd been made to _witness_ anything else.

"Alright, what the hell is so important that you couldn't give me twenty minutes to get ready this morning?" Edward asked, coming back out of the bathroom, now wearing another pair of jeans but nothing else as he continued to rub his towel over his head and shoulders, searching for an appropriate shirt.

"Gah, when the hell did you get so hairy?" Alice made a face, "and…have you been working out? You were always such a scrawny little…?"

"Alice," Edward groaned. "Could you stop for two seconds and tell me what it is you came up here for? And what the hell did you do with Jasper anyway, isn't he suppose to be feeding you or something?"

"Oh we decided we were going to wait on you; I left him downstairs laying out the stuff that we brought over for breakfast, so that I could have a minute alone with you, since I need to apologize for earlier." Alice started to explain.

Seeing Edward stare at the stack of folded shirts in front of him as if he had no idea how to get started forced her to get up and go pick one for him. She grabbed a white sleeveless undershirt and the green sweater that he'd indicated he might like, seeing as he'd chosen the black jeans to wear already. As he finished getting dressed Alice took her seat back at the foot of the bed and tried to form her words in such a way that they made sense though she still wasn't sure if he would understand.

"It's just that I haven't had you around for any significant period of time in so long, and it's easy to forget that we aren't kids anymore. I've never had to consider that I might be interrupting something when I walk in and see you, and I've never known you to leave the bathroom in _any_ state of undress before." She sighed gesturing to the awkward moment she'd inadvertently caused just moments before.  
Truth be told she'd not seen Edward without a shirt since they were children playing together in their parent's swimming pool, the only exception having been when he'd gotten injured a few years back and she'd insisted on helping her father tend to him, when he'd come home to recover.

"I live alone Alice and the cabin doesn't have normal climate controls, in the summer I rarely wear much more than a pair of shorts, so I'm sort of use to walking around however." He shrugged by way of an explanation. "I'm a twenty-five year old man, not a twelve year old boy anymore."

"I know that." She sighed again, "I just wanted to say sorry for barging in on your call to Bella from before; I never thought that…"

"It's okay, Ally." He sighed, wanting to avoid where this conversation was going. "Just ask next time, huh? I'm sure if I'd asked her, Bella would have been more than happy to talk to you for a few minutes."

"Forgive me?" she grinned.

"Always—though I have no idea why." He told her standing up from where he'd sat down on the edge of her bed to talk with her.

"Come on I'm hungry; let's go see what Jasper has downstairs." He invited holding the bedroom door open, waiting for her to join him.

"Seriously, are you sure you're not wrestling with any other wild animals in your spare time? You promised me you'd give that up you know." she asked playfully, letting her hand rest curiously against his bicep for a moment on her way by.

"Climate controls, " he answered again. "I have to chop firewood for four months out of the year so that I don't freeze during the winter."

"But Edward, you have Bella to keep you warm now." Alice giggled, while ducking away from his immediate attempt to mess up her hair.  
She swung around and managed to climb up onto his back, laughing merrily the entire time.

"Come on big brother give me a 'lil piggyback ride down the stairs. I won't have Bella complaining to me about you getting all out of shape with no firewood to chop around here." She went on to explain so that he didn't have time to get upset over her teasing comments.

"Ally, you weight like 5 lbs." Edward sighed standing straight with Alice still attached to his back, making no attempt to remove her or help her stay on. "I don't see how carrying you around is going to help keep me in shape."

"It's a place to start." She shrugged; "I could buy you a gym membership if you like?" she started thinking her way through options aloud.

"I'll pass." Edward smirked.

"Oh come on, I want my girl happy; and trust me when I say, hot body equals happy 'Baby'."

"Alice?!" Edward squeaked, his voice cracking sharply at the end of her name.

Alice hopped down and went tearing down the steps, the words, "Sorry, Bubby. I still love you!," filtering back up to a very stunned Edward.

How? What? Oh god, when? Edward was in a full state of panic, wondering how Alice knew of the name he'd been calling Bella lately.

"Alice?" he called as calmly as he could, his voice barely audible this time.

Finding that he was physically shaken all of a sudden, he lowered himself to sit at the top of the stairs.

"Hmm…?" she asked, timidly peeking around the corner at the bottom of the staircase.

He didn't know how to ask, but it was killing him to not know. If she'd heard him just now in the shower, he was sure that he'd die this very minute of humiliation. If he didn't die he knew at the very least that he'd never be able to look at his little sister the same way ever again.

"I heard you on the phone just before, when I interrupted." Alice explained quietly looking very remorseful.  
He hadn't said anything but she knew what he must be wondering and she hated the fact that she couldn't tease him without causing him such anxiety.

"It's adorable Edward and Bella's very lucky to have you feel that way about her. I just can't seem to help myself sometimes. I'm so happy for you both."

"You heard me on the phone earlier?" Edward wanted to confirm.

Alice nodded to answer him. "I promised that I wouldn't interfere, Edward and I won't, but please let me be excited and happy for you. I don't know how to…"

"Alice, I'm not use to people being in my business, and this is all so…new to me. I know you don't mean anything by the teasing, but I don't know how I'm suppose to…I've never had to consider what to say or do with a girl before." He sighed letting his head rest in his hands.

Alice was slowly making her way back up the stairs, stopping a few steps away, before kneeing down in front of him.

"Bella sounded really happy this morning, Jasper even said so. If I had to guess, so far everything you're doing is just fine." She tried to assure him.

"Jazz, calls me Sugar, you know." She continued when he didn't respond right away.  
She watched as Edward sat picking at the wood grain pattern on the steps, his face still pulled into a frown.

"I nearly died the first time I heard him say it. I thought it was just the sweetest thing a man had ever thought to call me. So, I can only imagine what hearing you speak so affectionately to Bella must be like for her."

Edward's mouth started to twitch and Alice watched closely until she could see the start of his cute little smile finally take its rightful place.

"Bella calls me…Sweetheart sometimes." He mumbled shyly.

His blushing complexion was so intense that Alice couldn't help but reach out and gently touch his cheek.

"A very fitting description for you my sweet Bubby."


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I've got a very Edward-ish expression right now, totally feeling so unworthy of all the praise you folks have been throwing at this story. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally diggin' it, but wow, I have no words. ::_major blushing_::  
Anyway, this was supposed to be the latter part of Ch.18, where we'd get to see what Bella was up to while Edward was busy freaking out on Alice, but I just couldn't end it there; I was a little too anxious, just like the rest of you to get E&B back together so…enjoy!

Chapter 19

Bella was beginning to get impatient. She had yet to slow down or take a break this morning since speaking with Edward and she was finally to a point where she couldn't do anything more without a little help. Unfortunately her father was busy enjoying his morning off with no place important to be. To soften the blow, since she had now decided that she was going to have to wake him up and insist that he give her a hand carrying her things downstairs, Bella had taken a few moments to prepare her father some breakfast.

He didn't require much; usually just a fried egg or two and piece of overdone toast was all he'd manage on his own most mornings. If she were to throw in a cup of coffee and maybe a side of salsa in there for him, he would likely think that she'd just manufactured some sort of multi-course, gourmet meal. Today however, Bella was looking to impress and motivate—not to mention she had plenty of nervous energy to burn, so Charlie was in for a real treat.

A quick trip to the store up the street had provided her with some fresh fruit; ham, cheese and mushrooms for his omelet and a package of frozen croissants. Being sure to keep the portions reasonable so as not to defeat the purpose altogether and put her father into a bliss-filled coma from stuffing himself silly, Bella happily started plating her creation. It would be impressive enough for Charlie but Bella couldn't help but smile and think about how the similar omelets Edward had made for them just a few days ago had managed to look even better.

"Morning," her father greeted her coming into the kitchen mid-yawn.  
Obviously the smell of freshly brewed coffee had done the trick, saving her a trip up the stairs to go and get him.  
"Thought we'd see about getting some of your stuff moved downstairs today if you're ready. I've got a couple of guys willing to help me out today so that you don't have to worry with the heavy lifting."

Charlie's eyes lit up when he turned away from the coffee pot and noticed Bella setting his plate upon the table with a flourish.

"Who did you get to come over?" she asked, taking a seat across from her father, her own cup of coffee and plate of food in hand.

"Billy wanted to come by and watch the game this afternoon anyway so he's gonna bring Jacob and one of Jake's friends so that they can carry everything down—save my back and likely some of your bones if we're lucky." He teased, diving into his breakfast without hesitation.

"Cool. Do you think if they get here early enough, I might be ready to head back before it gets too late tonight?" Bella didn't want to seem overly anxious to be leaving her father, but she was just so eager to get back to Edward at this point.  
"It's just that I have an assignment that's due for work Monday morning and I wasn't able to finish it entirely before I left; so if I could get back tonight and rest up I might be able to salvage a little bit of my Sunday instead of having to spend most of my night reading."

"Sure Bells. I could call Billy up and see if they'd go ahead and come on over before lunch, if you want." Her father offered easily, making her overlong explanation seem unnecessary in the end.

The explanation was truthful enough, despite her leaving out the bit about needing to get home so that she could see and hold and hug Edward once again. She also didn't bother to explain that she seemed to have this bizarre mix of hormones and adrenaline battling inside of her today, which apparently produced an abnormal abundance of energy.  
She'd never be able to sit around today, with little or nothing left to do—her nerves already skipping all over the place no matter how busy she tried to keep herself.

"Aw, that'd be great Dad—thanks." She surprised him by jumping up to give him a quick hug and a kiss to his cheek, before bouncing back up the stairs, leaving her own breakfast practically untouched.

Charlie just shook his head and took a sip of coffee before getting up to retrieve the phone. As amusing as this change in his daughter was, it was still hard to contemplate that she was likely this happy over a boy.  
He knew Carlisle and Esme Cullen well enough, and he knew that Alice was a wonderful girl and a great friend to Bella. He could only hope that Edward would turn out to be a good match for his daughter; he hoped that he would be the special one she'd been waiting for. If he was, then Charlie would try his best to be happy for Bella and set his initial reservations aside. It was sort of fun having Bella home and seeing her so full of energy, but he was hoping that this was just a phase. Dealing with this hyper side of Bella long term could prove to be exhausting in his opinion—and he'd only been awake for a few minutes so far today.

Bella took a quick inventory of her room and made sure that she did indeed have everything she wanted to carry back with her ready to go. She felt like her heart was going to beat right out of her chest, knowing that she was only hours away from being with Edward again.  
Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that it was almost ridiculous to feel so attached to someone she'd met only a week ago, but she couldn't seem to help herself. She would close her eyes and immediately she would see his face. She'd lie in bed at night, surrounded by silence, and listen to the sound of his voice replaying in her memory, repeating whatever they'd discussed most recently, as if she were lying there with him; and she couldn't seem to consider anything without thinking about what Edward might say or do, what his opinion would be.

It was true that when she'd decided to make this trip in the first place she'd been so scared of what was happening between them—of the feelings she was starting to develop, but the time away had only made her feelings grow and intensify. It made her feel like she and Edward needed to address their situation—soon. Perhaps if they could get past the first _phase_ as Dr. Montgomery had labeled it, then this outrageous _need_ she felt to be with him at all times would lessen somewhat.

"Come on Bella, your breakfast is getting cold." Charlie called up from the foot of the stairs. "I talked to Billy—they'll be over in an hour or so."

She killed some time cleaning up the kitchen after she'd eaten and her father had decided to go out and root around the little storage shed out back, looking for something to cover the bed of her truck, in case it might rain later in the day, since conditions seemed favorable already—but when wasn't it favorable for rain in Forks? Once that was done she'd gone back upstairs to pack the rest of her personal belongings she'd brought along for the trip, being sure to leave out some clothes so that she could shower and change before leaving later.

Bella was far from vain by any stretch of the imagination, but she was hoping to spend a little time with Edward this evening when she got back, and she knew that she'd feel a lot more comfortable sitting with him if she were at least clean and decent, as opposed to feeling grimy and rumpled from a day spent packing and moving her old bedroom.  
She doubted seriously that Edward would be as turned on by her unkempt appearance as she had been by his the day he'd been working on her truck.

"Bells, Billy and the boys are here to help. I'll need you to show them what's supposed to be going." Her father mentioned, tapping lightly on her doorframe as he passed by on his way back downstairs a moment later, effectively pulling Bella away from her daydreaming.

She hadn't even realized how much time had passed until she looked up to see that it was after eleven o'clock already. With her excitement building she tossed the box she'd been taping closed onto the bed and brushed her hands clean before making her way downstairs, ready to get things underway. At this rate she'd be able to leave right after lunch and be home in time to actually cook something for dinner perhaps.

Thinking about food yet again, made her remember that earlier she had considered making something for lunch, as a way to say thank you to everyone for their help, so Bella began to focus on what options she might have available on such short notice as she skipped down the stairs to greet her moving crew.

"Whoa," she gasped at the impressive sight the three boys standing in her father's living room were presenting.

She remembered Jacob well enough from when they were younger—a cheerful, always smiling type of boy that was just a few years younger than her. They'd had a tolerable friendship for a few months when Bella had first moved back to be with her dad, but following the incident with James, Bella had closed herself off so thoroughly from all men, excluding her father, that Charlie had never pressed the issue when she'd expressed some concern about being around Jacob.  
Fortunately, Jacob and Billy had both been very understanding and had allowed Bella the space she'd needed, but the years that had gone by since had changed the boy she'd once known—significantly it would seem.

He was no longer the same height as she was, and he now filled out every bit of the white t-shirt he was wearing, which incidentally, made the soft russet coloring of his skin look even darker—richer perhaps. He'd also trimmed his hair, which use to be long and generally worn in a ponytail, into a much shorter style; but thankfully, the one thing she was quick to notice was that he still had that bright, friendly expression she'd always remember and be able to recognize anywhere.

"Bella," he grinned happily, "it's good to see you. These are my boys, Embry and Quil." He introduced the others that were with him.

Bella offered a simple greeting and a shy smile to acknowledge them, tucking her hands into her back pockets uncertainly.  
Her father had said that Jacob was coming over with his dad and a friend, yet here were Jacob and two boys she didn't know. Awkward moments with people she didn't know—not something she'd been looking forward to today.

"Hey, where's your dad—it's been so long since I've seen him." She mentioned to Jacob, needing some way to escape for a moment, as the other boys obviously looked over her appearance.

She'd taken a second to have a look at them too, and thinking about how much Jacob had grown since she'd last seen him, she had to wonder how tall Embry must have been at twelve or thirteen years of age, because he stood several inches taller than Jacob even now. Plus, the shear girth of all three of them, standing together as they were—Quil's broad size especially, was threatening to take over every available inch of space her father's modest home had to offer. Well, at least the heavy lifting seemed to be taken care of and then some.  
Now what in the world she was going to feed these three monsters? That was going to be another matter entirely.

"He's in the kitchen with Charlie." Jacob offered.

"Okay, I'll be right back, then I can show you all what needs to be loaded up." She promised ducking out of the room before she could start to feel overly uncomfortable.

She spent a few moments in the kitchen with the older men and managed to convince her father that he needed to come upstairs with her to direct traffic so she could be sure she had everything she wanted ready to go without having to stop and delegate responsibilities. She didn't feel the need to say that being trapped in the small space of her bedroom with three intimidating young men would make her feel a bit nervous, but it was indeed the truth.

Fortunately Billy loved her plan, and even volunteered to sit outside and dictate how everything should be organized in order to fit properly into the back of the truck.  
Bella was able to enjoy a laugh at the way her father had made a face at his friend's enthusiasm over the task; obviously having hoped that by employing the boys he'd get out of having to do much of anything today; but ultimately he'd agreed to do his part without arguing, so she was still making progress.

"So should I unload this first so that it's not so heavy?" Bella asked while pointing out a two-drawer metal filing cabinet, once everyone had assembled upstairs.

"Anything breakable in it?" Embry asked sizing up the item in question.  
The soft, somewhat timid sound of his voice sort of threw her for a second but Bella was able to tell him, "Nope, nothing but a bunch of paper really."

Before she could finish her sentence even, he'd crouched down next to the cabinet and wrapped his long arms all the way around it, standing back up as if he was holding nothing more than a sack full of groceries.

"Okay." She mumbled—surprised amusement evident in her tone, before turning away to show her dad what else was ready to go.

It seemed like the boys were quite competitive and liked to work independently so that they could boast who was stronger, or how many boxes they could carry in a single trip. It was really kind of funny to watch after a while, particularly when Bella noticed Jacob trying desperately to distract Quil so that he could hoard the larger boxes still waiting to be taken down the stairs for himself.

Once everything was underway it turned into a quite a production, but two hours later and after what seemed like five-dozen hot dogs having been consumed during their lunch break, Bella's truck was loaded down with every possession and most of the furniture from her old bedroom—ready for her journey back to Port Angeles. Bella however, felt like she suddenly needed a nap for some reason.  
She'd been up early in order to phone Edward, and she had been busy packing most of the day, but she still couldn't figure out exactly where her fatigue was coming from.

She excused herself while her father insisted on double-checking the tie downs yet again, with Billy busy instructing the boys on the best way to secure the old canvas tarp that Charlie had been able to unearth from his storage shed earlier.  
Clearing away the mess of condiments that still littered the countertop in the kitchen, Bella packaged up the miniscule leftovers and washed the plates they'd used. After putting everything back to rights, she headed upstairs one last time in order to take that shower and change before she had to say goodbye to everyone.

She briefly considered calling Edward to let him know that she'd be headed home soon, but she thought better of it after only a moment. She wanted her arrival to be a surprise. And it surely would be, seeing as she wasn't expected to be home at this point until sometime on Sunday.  
Contemplating how their reunion might go, Bella got thoroughly lost in her daydreams once again and was finally starting to feel some of her energy return when she heard another subtle knock against her doorframe. She turned to see Jacob Black standing just outside of her bedroom, a hopeful look upon his face.

"Me and the guys are going to head down to the beach in a minute to meet up with a few friends, and everyone wanted me to ask if you'd maybe like to come along for a while." He smiled, trying his best to encourage her, though she knew that he'd already know what her answer had to be.

She wondered for a moment what she would say had it been Edward standing in her doorway, inviting her to go out with a group of friends. Feeling relatively comfortable with Jacob and his friends now, after being around them for most of the day, she'd like to believe that she had it in her to be adventurous and trusting enough to go out and have some fun with them, but she still wasn't sure.  
She could remember having a good time with him, back when they'd known one another before, but all the same she just couldn't do it. Even if Edward wasn't waiting for her at home she knew for certain that she wasn't ready to consider something so out of character—not even with someone like Jacob.

"Sorry," she shook her head slightly, "I'm headed back in just a little while, but thank you so much for all of your help today."

"No worries." He grinned knowingly, "They just wouldn't let it go until I'd agreed to ask, you know."

"Well, tell them I said thanks for all their help too—and for the offer at least." She sighed.

Jacob just nodded and went to turn away, but he stopped himself and turned back to face her at the last minute.

"Bella," he said quietly, "It was really great to see you today. I'm umm…glad that you seem to be getting back to your old self. I sort of missed being able to see you smile."  
She'd never seen Jacob act so sincere or potentially uncertain and she never would have expected such behavior from him now that he'd grown into such a physically intimidating young man, but nevertheless he'd pulled it off genuinely.

His arms were open and inviting as she considered what she should do. It was just a hug, a friendly thank you between old friends that hadn't seen one another in a long time, but Bella felt like she was stuck having to choose for some reason.

His body radiated an uncomfortable amount of heat and Bella felt terribly overwhelmed by it as she quickly embraced him before stepping away.

"See you around, Jake." She mumbled, affectively dismissing him a moment later.

Well that was it wasn't it, she decided going off to have her shower finally—another burst of energy working its way to the surface. She'd toyed with the idea of furthering she and Edward's physical connection in some manner, but she hadn't been sure what they were ready for. Now, after sharing a hug with Jacob, she understood that her feelings for Edward were so far above and beyond what she felt for anyone else, now or ever even.  
She was ready and willing to let Edward in, to show him in some other way just how much she cared for him. The innocent hugs and touches were nice but there was something more she needed.

The source of her energy had now become obvious—it was Edward. Whenever she thought of him her heart would sing with enthusiasm, but when she'd become distracted by anything else or her thoughts began to wander, her body would start to shut down. And whereas hugging Jacob had felt uncomfortable and awkward, every time she'd ever embraced Edward she'd felt something wonderful, something different, something special. It had to mean _something_.

"It's hard isn't it?" Jasper mentioned having a seat across from where Edward sat on the edge of the sofa, staring at his phone placed on the coffee table in front of him.

Edward's body tensed uncomfortably and his cheeks started to take on color, alerting Jasper as to his poor choice of wording right away.

"I meant the waiting." He corrected himself calmly, "It's difficult when you have to be apart."

Edward looked up to see his sister's boyfriend smiling at him with a level of understanding that he hadn't believe anyone could be capable of, but that was Jasper for you.  
He nodded solemnly and went back to staring, his chin resting against his hand, his elbow propped up against his knee.

"It gets easier." Jasper promised, "I know it doesn't seem possible right now, but it will."

He left well enough alone then and switched on the TV looking for something to watch—leaving the volume muted the way that he knew Edward liked it until he might locate an appropriate show.  
He was having a great afternoon just hanging out with Alice and her brother, even though Edward was doing his best to mope around and look pitiful most of the day.  
Though Edward might not know it, Jasper had experienced so many of the same feelings that he was suffering through, during those first few months with Alice. Love could make you crazy and love could try to change you, but whatever the outcome, if love was genuine and pure it was the best feeling anyone would ever experience. The time a couple had to spend away from one another was always going to be hard, but the alternative—never knowing _that_ kind of love, would be far worse.  
Jasper hadn't had any great opportunity to really get to know Edward, having only met him briefly a time or two, but Alice spoke so highly of him that he already felt like he did to some degree. He already liked him, he knew that much. Any man that was capable of the type of love he could practically feel radiating off of Edward's entire person was alright with him.

"Hey Edward, do me a favor, will ya?" Alice called from the kitchen, "I might have left the windows down in my car and I think it's gonna rain soon. Would you please go and check? I left my keys by the front door."

"Want me to go?" Jasper offered, noticing that Edward didn't look too thrilled.

Edward just shook his head and got to his feet; maybe walking around outside for a bit, before it might rain would be a good change of pace for him.  
He'd chatted with Alice and Jasper over lunch, but aside from that he hadn't been in much of a mood to be around people this afternoon.

His conversation with Bella this morning had been wonderful but less than satisfying; and though he knew that he could call her himself, he didn't want to disturb what was likely going to turn into a busy day for her. Having made up his mind, he'd stubbornly refused to change it, but all the same having to wait for her was proving to be just as torturous as the day before.

Grabbing up the keys that he found sitting, as she'd said they would be, on the little table next to their front door, Edward made his way outside, his head down his free hand shoved into his pocket.

Halfway out to his intended destination, his mood took another turn for the worst; it had started to drizzle already, putting an end to his plans for yet another walk in as many days.  
Not knowing exactly why he couldn't just sit down and be content to read for a while or watch TV with Jasper even was beginning to drive him mad. Before he'd met Bella he would spend countless hours alone, repetitively doing the same boring, mundane things over and over and he was reasonably happy doing so. But now, everything had changed. He felt like he was about to crawl out of his own skin if he had to sit still for too long, and he felt like his insides were twisting into a mess of nerves whenever he wasn't able to hear her voice every so often.

The rain started to fall just a bit harder now causing Edward to pick up his pace. When he got a few steps closer to Alice's car he sighed heavily noticing that the widows were already up and he was apparently getting wet for no reason. Frustration finally made him look up and in doing so he caught a glimpse of an unexpected yet familiar vehicle out of the corner of his eye.

He couldn't make himself move as he watched Bella, who was smiling so brightly as she fumbled with the truck's door handle for a moment before climbing out of the cab.  
How he could have possibly missed something as conspicuous as her truck parked out by the street when he'd walk outside, he'd never know, but right now he didn't really care. All he knew was that Bella was home and she certainly seemed happy to see him.

The weight in his chest suddenly disappeared and the painful ache in his belly lessened as Bella chewed uncertainly at her lip and looked up at him from under her lashes, now standing less than a foot away from him.

Bella watched him desperately trying to speak but he was obviously having some trouble finding the right words.

God love Alice, she'd obviously not said anything to him about her arrival, but she'd still managed to find a way to send him out to greet her—in a manner of speaking anyway, at just the right moment.

Bella, unable to take the suspense and excitement the closer she'd gotten to town had given in and called Alice to let her know that she'd be back to the house soon enough. Alice had seemed so pleased to hear it and Bella now knew why. Poor Edward had looked nothing short of miserable as he'd trudged outside moments after Bella had parked her truck and killed its engine. She was waiting for him to look up and notice her sitting there, but he'd been far too morose to bother with his surroundings.

Bella smiled, while blinking some of the rain from her eyes, refusing to look away from Edward as he continued to stare at her so lovingly. Her hand reached up slowly, and seeing her intention Edward bent his head to help close the distance. "I missed you too much." Bella whispered letting her fingers lightly trace the angle of his stubble covered jaw.

Edward took her hand from his face and looked for permission before letting his lips caress the inside of her wrist.

"I felt like I was going crazy without you, Baby." He groaned finally, while nuzzling the very same spot affectionately with the tip of his nose. It would seem that the contact had finally allowed him to find his voice.

"Come here." Bella pleaded reaching her other arm around his shoulders, bringing him into her embrace.  
He adjusted to her height so that his face was buried in the side of her neck, allowing her hands the privilege of getting lost in the thick softness of his hair.

They stood holding one another for a long moment, never even noticing the rain, nor the small audience proudly watching them from just inside the doorway.

"This feels so right, Sweetheart." Bella confessed, the side of her face gently moving against him, enjoying the feel of his wonderfully dampened hair as it tickled her skin.

His chest rumbled in agreement, making Bella giggle.

Edward pulled away slightly so that he could see her. She looked radiant, smiling and laughing as raindrops trailed along her face.

"What?" he had to know, a brilliant smile now brightening his expression.

"I've been dreaming about you, Edward; and let's just say that my imagination knows you better than I thought." She told him.

Unable to resist the urge, his adorable grin forcing her to act, Bella placed her hand once again to the side of his face, taking great pleasure in the feel of his scratchy beard against her palm before leaning in and giving him a light kiss on the opposite cheek.

His face was priceless; the only thing that might have been more entertaining was the sight of Jasper having to physically pull Alice back inside before she might ruin the moment with her uncontrolled gasp of giddy delight. Her happy dance of approval taking place just seconds after Jasper had managed to kick the door shut.

Edward blinked a few times, his fingers gently touching the very spot where her lips had been, his eyes glazed over in wonder.

"Baby?" he mumbled, his eyes searching for a moment until they were able to focus once again on her beautiful smile.

"Is it too soon to say how much I adore you?"


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Sorry for the wait….I somehow lost track of time before I went out of town for the weekend and didn't manage to get the next chapter posted before I had to leave, so major apologies for that. Plus that last chapter was sort of a tough act to follow, but I finally decided to stop obsessing and just press forward. Hope you like how this turned out.

Now, a few comments for the wonderful reviewers—trust me when I say I'm all about Edward ;) and in my story so is Bella. There were moments while I was reading both New Moon and Eclipse where I literally threw the damn books across the room. So no worries that I'm thinking of Jacob as anything other than a convenient way to showcase some of Bella's issues with trust/men.

And for those of you that have recently found this story and somehow found the time to read the whole thing, and in a few cases, comment on _every_ chapter—I'm tempted to bow down before you and kiss your toes. LOL

Chapter 20

Alice sat on the sofa, her short little legs stretched out in front of her, her back resting against Jasper who sat behind her, leaning over her shoulder every few minutes taking playful little bites of her grilled cheese as they were offered. Across the room over by the TV, Edward was lying on his belly taking up most of the floor next to Bella who sat flipping through an old photo album she'd found while unpacking some of her things.

"Here's one of my mom actually making her famous grilled cheese." Bella chuckled, tilting the book so that Edward could see the picture of Renee.

"Remind me to thank her someday for teaching you how to make these." Edward grinned around yet another mouthful of sandwich.

Their tone was quiet and they often leaned into one another to speak, so it was hard to make out all the details of their conversation, but it didn't keep Alice from grinning like a fool.

This was supposed to have just been a quiet day at home spending time with her two favorite guys, but it had actually turned into so much more, managing to leave Alice feeling all sorts of tired. Most people thought that Alice possessed some type of freakish energy source and on any other day she was fine with that distinction, but this evening she was happy to lie about and play lazy with the best of them. Besides, the exciting start to her day—waking up for the first time in over a week next to Jasper, along with the embarrassingly unexpected situations she'd kept stumbling into with her brother and the hectic, rain soaked moving day later that afternoon, should totally constitute a bit of fatigue in her opinion. And more importantly it also gave her the excuse to sit back and watch the outrageously heartwarming scene that was playing out right before her very eyes.

Shortly after she'd received the call from Bella this afternoon, announcing her arrival, she'd been fortunate enough to witness the happy reunion that she'd been waiting for all weekend.

With Bella gone Edward wasn't just reverting back to his reclusive old self, he was falling into something way worse. At least before Bella had come into his life he was just quiet and reserved, but now he was openly miserable without her, and Alice just could handle that. She was trying her best to entertain him, but he was being his usual stubborn self; fortunately though, as frustrating as the situation had seemed earlier in the day, getting to see the look in his eyes as he stood there in front of her very best friend, was more than enough. Watching him handle her so lovingly, so passionately as they'd touched and embraced was almost more than her poor little heart could handle.

Of course, Edward being who he was, didn't allow Bella to stay out in the rain for very long, seeming to realize once he'd recovered his senses that the weather wasn't going to cooperate and allow them a chance to rekindle their connection in any sort of comfortable manner.

"Come on, silly girl." Edward had encouraged, "It's time I get you inside before we both freeze."

"I can't help it, Sweetheart. I don't think I can let you go, besides I'm not feeling cold." She mumbled her face still buried against the soggy fabric of his sweater.  
She had pulled him into another hug after he'd confessed his adoration, knowing that the rain would no doubt hide her joyous tears, but it would do little to mask her desire. The words were hanging there on the tip of her tongue—she wanted him to kiss her properly but she didn't know how to ask. The feel of his warm skin under her lips and the adorable expression her actions had produced warmed her to her very core. Now she wanted more. His confession had left him blushing, his eyes downcast and uncertain, once he'd realized all of the possible interpretations that his words might hold—his ingrained response making her heart melt.

There was again something in her voice that made Edward wonder what exactly she meant by such a comment. His body undoubtedly knew, but Edward was still uncertain and inexperienced enough to worry that she was not feeling the same type of physical need he was.  
He gathered up both of her hands from where they were clasped behind him and held them against his chest between them.

"As cold as my hands are, yours are even worse." He told her bending his head so that he could speak softly and still be heard.

His fingers were trying to rub some warmth into her chilled skin as he spoke and Bella couldn't help the lazy smile that worked its way onto her face. His touch was heavenly and she'd missed it so much.

"I'll come inside so long as we can talk for a while." She'd bartered instead.

Maybe if they could talk about a few things, set up some boundaries and discuss what this really was that was happening between them, then she might find the courage necessary to finally show Edward what she really needed from him.

He promised sincerely, while bringing her into another hug. This time rubbing his hands up and down the length of her back in an attempt to warm her even further, though the rain wasn't being helpful at all.

Eventually he was able to usher her inside, never letting go—not even for a second.  
Practically soaked through as they were, they'd both gratefully accepted the towels that Jasper had waiting for them, neither one pausing to consider how he'd known they would be needing them in the first place—still too caught up in each other to notice much of anything else. Such as the calm welcome they'd received from Alice, only after Bella had mentioned how good it was to be back home.

Jasper had made Alice promise to wait a full two minutes before speaking unless she was directly spoken to, in order to insure that Edward and Bella had a few minutes to settle in before being berated with questions and comments—the likes of which they probably wouldn't appreciate. Jasper being a sensitive soul, knew that a montage of innuendo-laced remarks would only make Edward and Bella seek some type of escape and then he'd be forced to deal with a disappointed Alice—something he made a point of avoiding at all costs. Fortunately he didn't have to worry much, Bella being rather chatty right from the start. Her nerves likely taking control of her verbal functions once again.

Alice figured that it had probably been a wise thing to mention, as Bella was busy greeting everyone, but she felt sure that her dear friend had no idea what she was about to initiate when she'd made the comment—hoping that the tarp her father had given her would be sufficient to keep the rain from damaging anything, until they might experience a long enough break in the weather to unload her truck.  
Edward immediately decided that it wasn't worth the risk, leaving things as they were and Jasper, bless him, had been a more than willing participant.

Bella was kindly instructed to go ahead and get changed into something dry and then she and Alice were assigned the task of laying out towels over most of the living room floor to collect and dry off items, as Edward and Jasper were able to carry them in.

Showing an impressive amount of ingenuity as always, Edward had figured out a way to back Bella's truck up right in front of the house and rig something akin to a lean-to, using the tarp and tie downs that were already there and a little help from a sturdy broom and mop handle he'd found in the kitchen.

Alice wondered briefly how in the world she and Bella would have managed had Jasper still been out of town, or perhaps Edward had not come to visit at all. She knew that they would've gotten creative and figured something out, but she was relieved to know that this was well taken care of, all the same. Besides, watching Jasper have to shake his rain soaked hair out of his eyes every so often was doing fabulous things to her lady parts, since Edward's creativity might have saved the boxes and bookshelves from getting overly wet, but it hadn't done much to keep he or Jasper very dry during their repeated trips out into the downpour.

"You planned this didn't you?" Alice teased as she helped Bella stack some of the heavier boxes over by the stairs to be taken down by one of the boys later, as the rest of the truck was being unloaded.

"You checked the weather forecast and saw, hellish chance of rain for the afternoon and decided to take advantage, so that we might get a free wet t-shirt contest outta the deal." She'd clarified when Bella had just given her an innocently confused look.

Alice was so pleased to see her friend giggling at her accusation despite the blushing that she almost missed seeing her brother approach with a happy little grin of his own.

"That's the last of it. I'm just going to pull the truck back out to the street and then we'll start taking some of this downstairs for you." He'd explained for Bella.

"Thank you." She said in a bit of a daze looking up at him shyly as he reached out to lightly trace the pattern of color still spread out across her cheeks.

"I missed this." He'd said quietly, letting his fingers trail as far as the length of her neck, before taking a deep breath, leaving her to go finish what they'd started.

Alice smiled indulgently watching Bella stare off as Edward exited the room once again, his hand combing his wet hair back away from his face. After a while she had to snap her fingers a few times in front of her face in order to bring her back to the present.  
Bella began to blush again but Alice was having none of that.

"I'm never going to forgive you; you know that right?"

Her face fell in a rather comical way, but Alice didn't wait long enough to let her panic.

"I know that you have this ridiculous fascination with my brother's beard. After the way you touched him earlier I doubt seriously he'll ever be clean shaven again."

Bella laughed nervously, her eyes downcast as she spoke, "How did you know?"

"I'm a very observant person, Silly." Alice chuckled. "Edward may have inherited the greater share of brainpower, but I definitely got much better eyesight. That goofy man may as well be considered legally blind without his glasses."

"Your brother is not goofy." Bella defended in good humor.

"Have you been talking to him at all, or just fondling his face?" Alice raised an eyebrow.

"Bite me, Alice." Was Bella's ingenious retort.

"Don't tempt me, I _am_ a biter you know." She smirked.

"I have the scars to prove it too, so you'd better watch out there Bells." Jasper snickered coming over to where they stood as he peeled off his dripping wet jacket and pushed his hair once again out of his eyes.

Alice immediately grabbed up a clean towel and went to him, giggling and ducking away from his reach when he made to grab hold of her and get her all wet.  
She became rather distracted moments later, but she knew that Jasper would forgive her eventually. Surprising as it was, Alice found that she couldn't seem to focus on the lovely sight of her drenched boyfriend as he pulled off his shirt and begin drying himself more thoroughly. She'd seen every inch of his beautiful body up close and personal on many occasions, but what she'd never seen before was the delightful type of interaction she got to witness between her brother and Bella, once he'd rejoined everyone.

When they were children she'd always loved running and playing with Edward; he was so much fun to be around when he'd let his guard down and let his true nature shine, but it had been years since she'd seen him so carefree and happy.

"Edward, be nice." She admonished through her laughter, watching him tousle his wet mop of hair, purposefully splashing Bella in the process, a mischievous little curl to his lips.  
Bella just giggled at his antics and Edward seem to pretend that he hadn't heard his sister at all, bending down to let Bella cover his head with a waiting towel, grumbling playfully about not being able to see, when she'd taken his glasses from him.

"You can't see anything with a towel over your head anyway, you big goof."

Both Alice and Bella had to laugh this time at the irony, hearing his admission and Bella subsequent remark.

Not only had Bella taken his glasses and set them aside but she'd also taken it upon herself to remove his jacket for him just after.

He'd thought to remove his sweater, soaked as it was already, before going off to find the lightweight jacket that he'd been wearing recently before diving back out into the rain, so that he might salvage Bella's possessions. He hadn't bothered with another shirt however, knowing that it would only become just as wet. He was only wearing the sleeveless undershirt he'd put on this morning underneath as a result and unfortunately or otherwise the white t-shirt hadn't faired much better than the sweater.

Alice was surprised to see him standing exposed as he was in front of Bella as if all was normal, still smiling and giggling like a little boy caught playing in mud puddles.

"A little help, Sugar?" Jasper pretended to pout holding up his towel, glancing over his shoulder to indicate she should help dry his back.

"Sorry," she'd whispered hugging him to her before placing a little kiss in the center of his back.

"Come upstairs with me?" she said quietly after his back had received enough attention, needing a moment alone with Jasper, but also wanting Edward and Bella to have a few minutes to themselves.  
Jasper nodded and went that way, while Alice told the others they'd be right back—leaving them to believe that they were going to find Jasper some of his clothes that he'd likely left here in the past. She wasn't even sure they'd heard her, wrapped up in their own little world as they were.

"Thank goodness for mother nature's version of a cold shower, otherwise poor Edward would probably be humping the furniture by now." Jasper grinned while stripping out of the rest of his wet clothes once he and Alice were safely behind closed doors.

"Hon, as much as I love that my brother is digging Bella, I don't need to hear about him humping any damn thing." Alice made a disgusted face, even though she was happy to watch as Jasper stood naked drying the rest of him self.

"What can I say, pretty girls have a way of turning us men into animals." Jasper growled softly as he stalked over to Alice, taking the clothes that she'd discovered tucked neatly into one of her drawers, tossing them aside as he scooped her up into his arms instead of getting redressed.

"We can't." Alice moaned, Jasper already attempting to change her mind by lightly suckling her favorite spot, just below her ear.

"Oh yes we can." He argued, placing her gently on the edge of her bed. "Your door has a lock and I can be quick about it."  
Alice didn't have it in her to resist him after such a long week away from one another, especially with his hands already gripping her so firmly.  
"Besides it'll give those two downstairs a little more time to eye fuck one another without an audience." He teased, being sure to cut off any sort of protest she might have had coming with a searing kiss to keep her sufficiently quiet and distracted.

A short time later Edward finally thought to ask what had happened to Alice and Jasper. As suspected he'd been so enamored with Bella that he'd missed their retreat entirely. Bella had just smiled timidly and let her eyes follow the path to the stairs, indicating the way they'd gone.

Edward looked uncomfortable for a moment and Bella couldn't help the urge she'd had to hug him once more.

"It's okay—something you just have to get use to around those two." She tried to assure him.

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep up there anymore." He groaned letting his head rest against her shoulder sadly. "Trust me when I say that I've always been _very_ aware that I was sleeping in my sister's bed, but I'd managed, at least up till now, to avoid thinking about exactly what that meant."

Bella smoothed down the back of his hair from where the towel had made a bigger mess of it than usual and hugged him a little bit tighter.

"There's always the sofa, or my bed even." She felt him tense immediately and had to run a quick replay of her last words. "Umm…I meant you could _have_ my bed and I could just sleep in my chair. I do some of my best sleeping there anyway." She rushed to explain.

"I'm not kicking you out of your own bed, Baby." He smiled gently, brushing a stray bit of hair away from her eyes, letting his fingers linger a moment longer against her skin.  
He didn't want to tell her just yet, that the day he was granted permission to be in her bed for some reason, he'd adamantly refuse the privilege unless she was going to be there with him.

"Well let's go down and see if I can find you something dry to put on for now. You're like a little popsicle as it is." She offered, wanting to distract him from what was going on upstairs, but also wanting to cuddle him some more without the uncomfortable feel of his wet clothes coming between them.

"My hands are always this cold." He reminded her with a little chuckle, "and besides, what could you possibly have that I could wear?" he wanted to know, taking her hand, despite his skepticism, as she led them down.

"I have this terrible habit of stealing my dad's shirts all the time." She laughed. "He's not as tall as you are, but you're about the same size otherwise; except Charlie's a bit bigger in the tummy." She added letting her free hand settle against his firm stomach briefly.

She hadn't thought about it before, but having Edward in her bedroom, as he was, essentially shirtless except for the towel he had draped around his shoulders to stay warm, and contemplating less, as he would need to undress in order to change, was a huge step for her. She loved Edward, though he didn't exactly know to what extent just yet, and she trusted him with her heart, but they had not reached any sort of understanding as to where things stood thus far.

"You mean you don't like me without a shirt?" he teased, adding an overdone frown to make sure she understood that he was just kidding, though he made it sound as if she'd hurt his feeling.

"Edward," Bella started to say in a serious tone, turning to face him.

"I know Bella, I shouldn't joke about such things…"

He didn't get to finish his explanation, Bella pulling gently against his towel to bring him closer, before taking it off of him entirely.

"Can we talk for a minute?" she requested her eyes focused on the hard plains of his chest, outlined perfectly by the clingy material of his wet undershirt.

"Baby, it's okay." He promised lifting her eyes to look at his with a single finger under her chin. "That wasn't the smartest thing I've said today."

Bella tried to smile and turned away briefly; she returned with one of her favorite sweatshirts and handed it over before going across the way to the laundry, hoping that he might have some of his things still in there. Thankfully there was indeed a pair of his jeans folded on top of the dryer and she was able to usher him into her bathroom with yet another towel so that he could dry off better and redress.

When he came out looking far more comfortable Bella invited him to have a seat next to her on the side of her bed. He sat down slowly—carefully, as if he was scared of frightening her with his movement, unsure of how close he should be. Apparently the moment away from one another brought the serious nature of the discussion they were about to have back into focus. Gone was his happy, playful demeanor and here sat the Edward who was cautious and timid acting at best.

Bella took hold of his hand and gave it a little squeeze.

"Edward, you indicated earlier how it is you feel about me. You adore me?" she was blushing with a little grin that said she loved the idea of him feeling that way.

Edward nodded, his mouth unsure of which expression it wanted to commit to.

"I feel exactly the same, Sweetheart." She admitted honestly.

A small version of his crooked little smile broke through at the sound of her words.

"One of the things that Dr. Montgomery suggested was that we talk about how we feel and about what that means for each of us; so that until I'm able to address some of my problems we'll both be okay with where this relationship might lead us."

"So, who should go first?" Edward asked, totally onboard with this plan though Bella hadn't really expected him to be so eager.

"I don't really know." She chuckled nervously.

Edward adjusted his position next to her and smiled more reassuringly before glancing down at their entwined fingers.

"I guess since you took the first step," he indicated their hands, "it's only fair that I have a go at this part."

Bella nodded her consent and watched Edward lick his lips thoughtfully, taking a second to formulate his words—the fingers of his left hand repetitively rubbing the loose material of her yoga pants between them, where the fabric bunched up slightly near her bent knee.

"I've always been pretty happy with my life…I never thought that anything really important might be missing and if there was I was relatively certain that it wasn't something I'd be capable of changing anyway." He explained, lightly caressing each of her fingers with his other hand now as he spoke, focusing his attention on the feel of her skin rather than her reaction to his words.

"Then I met you and you've changed my outlook on just about everything…I suddenly find myself wanting _more_." He confessed.

He glanced up and saw her watching him, such love and understanding evident in her eyes.

"I want it all, Bella. And whatever that means, I want to experience it with you; but I also want you to know that I'll never ask for more than you're willing to give." He took a deep breath looking down at their hands once again, "I don't know what I'm doing anyway so it's probably best if you're in charge, okay?"

"I want it too, Edward." Bella said quietly, resting her forehead against his shoulder. She raised their joined hands to her lips and kissed the back of his, before looking his way to see an encouraging smile.

"I want you in a way that frightens me." She caressed his chin lightly with her thumb watching his eyes soften with understanding.

She struggled to say it but he needed to hear the truth.

"I'm scared of being made to remember my past, because I don't want those memories to ruin what should be something so special for us both. And I need you to know that I'm not scared of _you_, but I am scared of how I might respond should we...umm…"

"Baby, I'm yours." Edward let go of her hand and placed his hands either side of her face. His expression was as intense as it was open.

"And I'm yours, Edward." She promised, "Unfortunately I don't know what I'm doing either so you'll have to help."

They smiled together at their combined inadequacies.

"If I ever say something or do anything that makes you uncomfortable just say so." He offered.

She nodded.

"Promise me." He insisted, "I don't ever want to frighten you, but I have to be honest Bella, I think about you all of the time, and I…I want to _be_ with you…I want you the way that any man would." Edward's expression was pained and embarrassed as he spoke. "I need to be able to trust that you'll tell me what your limits are, because I'm not sure that I know my own."

She noticed how hard this confession was for him and she couldn't help but respect his wishes.

"I promise, Sweetheart."

Her right hand came up and cupped his jaw while the other covered one of his, still carefully cradling her face. She could feel the muscles twitching as he clenched his teeth together repeatedly.

"Good." He responded softly, his head bent forward, "In that case, I'd like to try something."

Bella looked up and saw that he was watching her with equal amounts of love and determination now, yet she was powerless to speak when she noticed the way he was focused on her mouth. He was slowly leaning in closer and she couldn't help but do the same—waiting, anticipating, her heart rate increasing with each passing second.

She felt his breath coming in quick, uneven pants against her skin and his scent, heavy after being soaked by the rain, surrounded her senses.

It felt like forever but when his lips lightly pressed against hers for the briefest moment, Bella lost all concept of time and space. She didn't have to wait long before he kissed her again and then a third time. Finally a bit more confident, his mouth lingered for a moment longer—a groan of pleasure vibrating in his throat when she allowed her lips to move against his.  
When he pulled away this time, Bella took matters into her own hands—literally, and pulled him back to her, taking what she wanted finally—her fears nowhere to be found.

He fumbled for a moment unsure of what he might do to help control the situation, but the feeling of her tiny fingers combing through his hair triggered a response in him. He pressed one hand firmly against the small of her back, bringing her body closer and the other tangled its way into her long silken hair. Leaning into her the way that he was, his mouth beginning to taste the sweetness of her lips with renewed hunger, Bella was forced to succumb to his weight, lying back across her bed. The change of position made him feel lightheaded and dizzy, making him realize that he'd forgotten to breathe. Pulling away once again he redirected his attention to the sensitive side of her neck. He was desperately gasping for air and could hear that she was doing the same, the sound of his name escaping her lips in nothing more than a breathless whisper as he place a series of gentle kisses along the column of her throat.

She smelled like heaven, the rain accentuating her normal heady fragrance. With his face buried as it was in the side of her neck, her hair surrounding him, Edward was lost.  
"Okay?" he worried quietly as he began to lightly nibble at her pulse point. Her body trembled beneath him and he pulled away to look at her finally. She was so beautiful—her hair fanned out behind her, her cheeks so full of color, her chest heaving in an effort to control her breathing.

"You've never kissed anyone before?" Bella sighed, finding it so hard to believe suddenly.

"Never." Edward shook his head adamantly.

"I'm beginning to love that you're such a perfectionist all of a sudden." she mumbled, a teasing tone to her voice.

"How do you know it was any _good_?" he challenged.

She raised an eyebrow and took his hand from where he'd propped himself up, to keep his weight off of her and placed it over her heart.

"I know I'm a little nervous but I don't think _that_ happens if the kissing sucks."

"Nervous but not scared, right?" he needed to know, realizing she hadn't really answered him just yet.

She nodded and reached out to pull him closer. She lightly kissed his lips as a way to thank him for all of his understanding and patience.

"Does this mean I can kiss you whenever I want to now?" Bella asked shyly.

"Maybe not in front of anyone for a while, especially Alice?" he bargained, a light pink coloring his cheeks without his permission.

"Good idea." She chuckled in agreement.

She wasn't ready for that either. It was one thing for her friend to know how she felt about her brother and it was fine if she wanted to tease and make playful comments on occasion, but Bella wasn't ready to answer the types of questions she felt sure would surface once Alice got wind of any physical progress they were able to make—_awkward_ couldn't even begin to describe how that might make her feel.

"Let's go get started moving some of your things downstairs." Edward suggested, though the husky sound of his voice and the feel of his lips moving against her cheek didn't exactly encourage Bella to want to move from her current position.

"Do we have to?" She pouted playfully.

"I can get it if you'd rather stay here and rest." He offered kindly.

"Why would I want to be someplace you're not?" Bella corrected his assumption.

"Well then come on." Edward chuckled standing up, pulling her up from the bed as well. "You might be handling this quite well, but my heart needs a little break."

"Baby steps," Bella nodded caressed both of his hands before letting go, leading the way up the stairs without further comment.

She loved the way he reached out and took her hand so easily—comfortably, before she could get too far ahead of him.

A quick look around let them know that they were still on their own for now so Edward gave Bella a little shrug and bent to place a light kiss on her cheek, before turning away to survey the items still littering the living room floor.

"What is all of this anyway?" he asked curiously stacking up a pair of the smaller boxes so that he might carry them both.

"Books mostly, some old pictures and other keepsakes I just could talk myself into parting with; my music collection, some clothes and junk from school."

They started working together quietly, unaware of the couple spying quietly from their position across the room, sitting halfway down the staircase, carefully hidden within the shadows.

"You think she helped him get changed the way you helped me?" Jasper whispered, placing a little kiss just below Alice's ear.

"No way." She giggled quietly.

"How do you suppose he had dry clothes down there anyway?" he teased making fun of her adamant assumption.

"The laundry is down there, across from her room, you dork." She reminded him, "plus, that's one of Charlie's sweatshirts that Bella's been hording for like three years."

"I don't know…he did give her a little peck on the cheek there, or did you miss that part?" Jasper went on playfully.

"I'm trying my best to behave. Please don't make me go tackle my best friend and force her to give me details about my brother that I really shouldn't be so curious to know." Alice pouted.

"How about you go nicely collect Bella so that I can give Casanova there a hand moving the rest of this stuff downstairs and y'all see about making us something to eat. I'm starving." Jasper suggested as a way to not only prevent Bella from feeling obligated to try moving anything too heavy, and likely land them all in the ER later, but also as a way to give Alice some time alone with her friend.

He liked to pick on her about getting so excited over this budding relationship, but honestly he was also happy to see it working out so well. He may not have the same type of friendship with Bella that his girlfriend did, but he loved her all the same. Bella was a great girl and he wanted her happy. He could see how difficult her limited social interaction with others had been in the past, and he'd always wanted her to find someone special that she could connect with. He may not be prone to the type of uncontrolled outbursts that Alice was—thank goodness, but the level of chemistry he could see sparking between these two had genuinely moved him.

So here they were now, dry and toasty warm, lounging about the living room, having eaten vast quantities of creamy tomato soup and Bella's special grilled cheese sandwiches—the recipe, courtesy of her flaky mother.

"So Bells, when was the last time you got to see Renee?" Jasper asked hearing bits and pieces of the conversation in between the sound of his own chewing.

"Graduation," Bella responded, still distractedly flipping through her old scrapbook, "she popped into town for a few hours that evening. I got to go to dinner with her and Phil and then they took off to wherever the hell it is they were headed next. I think she said something about California."

Edward let his hand rest comfortingly on her knee and looked over towards Alice with sad eyes. He could feel the disappointment in Bella's explanation and he felt horrible for whatever similar emotions his absence from her big day had caused his sister. Things were changing though; he now had a greater understanding of love and relationships and he felt like he finally got it, when his family would say that they'd _missed_ him.

"Does Phil still play?" he asked quietly resting his chin against the back of his hand, essentially placing his head upon Bella's lap.

"He does scouting mostly, so they tend to travel even more now than when he was playing. It's hard to keep track of where they are unless mom thinks to call me occasionally." Bella explained, unconsciously letting her hand comb though Edward's hair.

He closed his eyes enjoying the feel of her tiny hand rubbing lightly against his scalp.

"Well folks, I'm all tuckered out." Jasper announced noticing a change in Alice's posture. "We going back to the apartment?" he asked, indicating he was ready for sleep soon.

"Yeah." Alice sighed, her voice thick with emotion.

The sight of her brother so comfortable and relaxed there on the floor with Bella, each being so obviously affectionate towards the other, was finally more than she could take. It was a beautiful thing to see them so much in love and likely not even knowing to what extent just yet.

During the brief time they'd had alone in the kitchen to prepare their dinner, Alice had been able to deduce that Bella and Edward were now official and ready to move forward, all be it at an undetermined pace. Tears were shed and hugs were exchanged and Alice made it clear just how happy and excited she was for both of them, but she was quick to promise that she was still available for any sort of advice or words of encouragement Bella might be needing in the future. However, truly seeing this bond that had been forged in her absence had been so thrilling that Alice no longer had words to express her feelings.

She got to her feet and with Jasper's assistance she'd managed to deposit her dishes in the kitchen before they might say goodnight to everyone.

Bella embraced her first and then Edward took his turn after shaking Jasper's hand, thanking him for all of his help earlier in the day, a little wink to indicate his thanks for _everything_.

Alice looked up at her brother after he'd loosened his hold and smiled seeing his contented expression. She reached up and rubbed his prickly chin with her fingertips, a playful little grin forming as she glanced in her friend's direction.

"I _guess_ I can get use to it—if I have to." She teased.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: I don't even know where to begin….I feel a little bipolar right now, after having bounced my way through all of the random emotions in this chapter (how's that for a warning?) I like a happy story but one does need the little bits of drama to keep things interesting—the information here is important to the overall situation B & E are being made to face, but fortunately for those that don't like to read the overly emotional stuff, just know that I can't handle dwelling on sad details for very long…I enjoy the warm fuzzy side of things so much better ;)

Enjoy it if you can!

Chapter 21

Alice was startled by the happy sound of giggles mixing with the muffled grumbling of her brother's scratchy morning voice, after the phone had been ringing for what seemed like forever. What surprised her most was the fact that the voice that had actually greeted her was none other than Bella's—sounding far more chipper and awake than was her norm for this hour of the morning.

"Bella? What are you doing answering Edward's phone at this time of day?" she asked, a playful touch of accusation finding its way into her question.  
She was having the most difficult time censoring her thoughts. Had it been anyone else she would have been letting the sexual references fly, but Bella wasn't like that and her brother certainly wasn't to the best of her knowledge. However, it _was_ eight o'clock on a Sunday morning and Bella was never awake at this hour, nor was she happy about it if she had to be.

"The real question ought to be, what are _you_ _doing_ calling your brother's phone at this time of day?" Bella returned the question, a little giggle escaping at the end, making her attempt at a firm tone dissolve rather pitifully.

"Hi, Ally." Edward grunted, leaning his head closer to Bella's so that he could hear what was being said.

"Edward, gimme my blanket back." Bella whined, when his movement managed to uncover her feet.  
His deep chuckles of amusement finally pushed Alice beyond her limit.

"What the hell, people?! I'm trying my best here, but comments like that are not helping the location of my brain right now." she protested.

All of a sudden she was made to rethink her entire understanding of this relationship. They both still sounded half asleep and Edward hadn't answered his own phone, which meant that Bella must have be with him when it rang and the both of them seemed to have been sleeping, or at the very least had only recently awakened. There were only so many possible scenarios that could account for such a happening and for some reason Alice couldn't get her filthy little imagination to focus on anything other than the most unlikely ones.

"Give me the phone, Baby." Edward's soft voice was heard over the line after no one had said anything for an extended moment.

"Good morning my beautiful and fabulous sister. To what do we owe the honor of this call at such an ungodly hour?" he playfully enquired.

"Bubby, did you and Bella sleep…_together_ last night?" Her voice practically squeaked around her words, as she was unable to fathom the concept of an affirmative answer—but she _had_ to know.

Cute, playful, _innocent _Edward and Bella were adorable and she loved watching them together, but she hadn't had enough time to work her mind around the concept of them moving beyond the beginning stages of this relationship. They'd both openly confessed their love for one another to her and she was so pleased by the changes she could see in them both, yet she wasn't ready for this part of it. She still worried about them—their individual needs and issues, and though she would play around and joke she really wanted this to work. She understood the serious nature of the obstacles they faced, leaving her concerns well grounded. Was a week long enough for them to really know? And was it long enough to determine that a lifetime spent guarding one's heart was no longer necessary?

"Sort of." Edward grinned, knowing how deviant his little sister's mind was at times.

The sharp intake of breath had Edward laughing outright and Bella was dying to know what was going on.

"Edward!" Alice scolded, knowing by his laughter that she wasn't getting the whole picture just yet.

"We stayed up after you and Jasper left looking at pictures and talking for a while, then we both fell asleep on the living room floor." He finally let her in on the innocent nature of their secret.

He rolled his eyes playfully for Bella's sake and had to listen to a three-minute tirade from Alice about how immature it was to joke around about such important things.

"So, tell me what we're really suppose to be talking about." Edward prompted after Alice had gotten her mini-meltdown out of the way for the morning.

"Jazz and I are going to Mom and Dad's for a late lunch today and thought if you and Bella weren't doing anything else maybe you'd want to join us."

"What exactly are you insinuating when you say-doing?" he couldn't help but tease.

"Are you guys gonna come or not?" she sighed.

"Hold on." He told her covering the phone with his other hand.

"Lunch and Mom and Dad's?" he asked Bella, smiling brightly when she nodded immediately.

"Yeah, what time?…Actually never mind, we'll just get there early and hangout until whenever." He told her, ideas popping into his head left and right.

He hadn't been able to give much undivided thought lately to what activities and outings he wanted to experience most with Bella, but being at his parent's house this afternoon would provide him with the perfect opportunity to explore more than one of his most desirable plans.  
After saying goodbye to his sister Edward tossed his phone aside and looked over at Bella who was snuggled up with her blanket and a pillow from the couch watching him with lazy eyes.

"Good morning." He grinned, rolling to his side so that he was facing her fully.

"Hi." She said rather shyly.

He still didn't have his glasses on—the real reason she'd been the one to answer his phone for him in the first place, and god how she loved seeing the unobstructed twinkle in his eye this morning.

"So, lunch with Mom and Dad?" Bella asked tracing a path from his temple to his chin with a single finger.  
He caught her hand and gently kissed her extended digit. Edward nodded biting into his lower lip as he thought for a moment. He wanted to ask her opinion about a lot of things, but mostly he wanted to know how she felt about possibly _dating _him in a traditional sense_._ They'd already talked a lot about different things they'd both like to do together, but he had yet to find the right way to really ask her. Talking and snuggling and kissing were wonderful, but he wanted this relationship to be all that it could be and more. He wanted Bella to have the benefits she'd experience were she to be with someone that didn't have limitations or issues such as his. He wanted things to be _normal_.

"Bella," he looked up and smiled shyly seeing that she was still watching him so intently, "there's this trail out by my parent's place; it's really quite beautiful and I've been wanting to explore it again while I was here, so I guess I was sort of wondering, if you feel up for it, maybe we could, I don't know, take a walk before lunch today?"

"Oh, that sounds wonderful." Bella promised, though she worried about the level of uncertainty she could see as he spoke.  
"You know I'd go anywhere with you, right?" she added sincerely in a quiet, soothing voice.

She watched his expression carefully as she leaned in closer and she was thrilled to see how lost he'd become when it became obvious that her intention was to kiss him again.

They'd had a wonderful first experience the day before and after Alice and Jasper had left them last night, they'd settled into a nice, familiar routine—getting ready for bed, making a hot cup of tea and settling in for some time alone to talk. The fact that they'd taken such a step didn't seem to hinder their normal, comfortable feelings around one another at all.  
When it got late however and Edward had noticed Bella's eyes getting heavy, he'd suggested she go on to sleep, but she wasn't ready to leave him. She'd been away from him for the past two days and whatever time she could spend with him reconnecting was far more important to her than the time she might use for sleeping. And she didn't care that they were talking about nothing more important than her parents or her childhood and his time spent in Alaska with his aunt; she just wanted to be with him—to hear his voice and see his smile and feel his hand lightly caressing hers as they laid stretched out on the floor next to one another.

The compromise to her stubborn refusal of bedtime had been an impromptu slumber party, the both of them gathering up every pillow they could find, along with the comforter from her bed downstairs and her trusty blanket that Edward had already claimed earlier in the evening. This solution kept him from having to spend another night in Alice's room, after being made to realize what exactly went on in that space on a rather frequent basis this afternoon and it also allowed Bella to be with him longer. They were in neutral territory so to speak, which made the concept of spending the night together a bit more comfortable for them both. As they'd settled in for the night however, she finally realized her true motivation for suggesting such sleeping arrangements.

"You have the most wonderful scent." He'd whispered, the tip of his nose tracing the curve of her neck. Bella had been unable to speak as he'd continued to praise her attributes.  
Speaking of her hair and her skin, of her tiny little hand and the fullness of her lips. She wanted to tell him how breathtakingly handsome he was and how lucky she felt that he would notice one such as her, but she'd been too distracted by his affections.

"May I kiss you again, Baby?" he'd requested softly, while gently removing her glasses.

She nodded mutely and closed her eyes.  
Heaven—it was pure heaven, the feel of his lips moving so carefully against her own. He was so cautious and in control, making Bella feel safe and loved. He genuinely seemed to understand what she needed from him—that he would need to move slowly and always remember her fears and inexperience.  
When he pulled away and lightly trailed the back of his fingers along the side of her face, admiring the dark pink hue now coloring her skin, Bella once again looked up at him and smiled.

"You are so good to me." She marveled.

His eyes burned with a passion that she had never known and they held the truth, which was so obvious though he couldn't bring himself to say the words just yet. Instead he'd just lightly kissed her once more, whispering a good night before tucking her blanket securely around her. She wouldn't have missed that experience for the world.

The next day his phone vibrating nearby had disturbed their good mornings. Bella had been the one to locate the source of the noise and handed the phone to Edward when she'd noticed that it was his. Yet, without his glasses available, he'd had to laugh and ask her what he was supposed to do with it.  
Bella had taken pity on him and answered the phone discovering that it was Alice, since she was able see well enough without her glasses to decipher at least that much. Little did either of them know just how awkward the conversation would become once Alice had gone off wondering and worrying over the possible implications.

His muffled groan of pleasure sent a pulsing chill throughout her entire being. It was a deep and feral sounding response this early in the morning and it was more than enough to say that he appreciated her attention.

"I never thought it could be so wonderful." She whispered, resting her forehead against his shoulder, taking a deep breath to revive her senses a moment later.

"Me neither." Edward agreed, his hand gently stroking her back, trying to catch his breath as well.

"Bella?" he asked after a moment, "Was I wondering…you've never…have you?"

He felt her head moving against him, though she didn't say anything right away. He tucked her into his side and held her tightly, feeling mixed emotions begin to roll off of her in waves.

"I've never been willing to count anything that he did to me." She told him eventually. "I've never really wanted to be around a man or do such things with anyone—until I met you." Her words were soft and her voice was strained but Edward got her meaning and then some.

"He didn't umm…?" Edward literally choked on the words, unable to ask what he really wanted to know.  
He wasn't sure if she was ready to speak so openly about her experience just yet, but the newest developments between them seemed to demand that he understand everything that he could so that he might insure her piece of mind. There was that and the fact that each time he would think of another man—any man, handling Bella in such an unacceptable way, his blood would start to boil.

Bella shook her head and blinked her eyes several times. "He didn't have a chance…to do...much." She said softly.

She laid her head against Edward's chest and hugged him to her desperately. Not knowing what else to do Edward continued to hold her, feeling every emotion all over again—everything from the fear and hatred, right down to his morbid, lustful need for vengeance.

Edward eventually sat up and pulled Bella into his lap. He kissed her forehead and tucked her blanket around them both.  
"He can't hurt you anymore, Baby. I'm here and I'll never let anything bad happen to you again." He fervently promised, his strong arms clutching her body to him, as if their proximity alone could make her feel safe.  
Bella sniffled a bit and rubbed at her eyes. She knew that it was time, but she wanted to be in a bit better frame of mind before they went there just yet.

"Let's have a light breakfast and then head on over to your parent's place." She suggested. "There's a lot that we should talk about and maybe a little fresh air and exercise will help make this easier."

"Anything you want." Edward confirmed.

She kissed his cheek and let her hand linger a moment against his face, enjoying the pleasant discovery that his beard had begun to soften with its continued growth.

"Will you shave today?" she wondered, knowing what he'd said about his mother's aversion to his scruffy facial hair.

He smiled timidly, knowing that she seemed to prefer him this way. He figured that his mother would be pleased to see him regardless of his appearance, considering his obvious level of happiness when he was with Bella.

"I'll leave it for now, but I have to tell you that I can't handle letting it go for more than a week or so. It gets sort of uncomfortable after a while."

"You don't have to suffer for my sake, so please don't feel bad if you want to. I just don't know what it is…" she let her words trail off, unable to really come up with a good way to describe her attraction to his current appearance.

She didn't understand the hormonal trigger that various visual indications of a man's testosterone level, such as facial hair, could be for a woman. The fact that a man _could_ grow a beard and would subsequently need to shave, indicated on some level his potential sexual prowess, much like the development of muscle mass and excessive body hair, which many woman also found attractive. A woman had no need to understand the science behind it, but once some type of attraction was established the discovery of these indicators would only increase her desire.

"That sort of sounds like an apology." He teased rubbing his face gently into her hand, still resting against his cheek.

"Just a really poor excuse of an explanation." She smiled seeing him grin at the pleasurable feelings her touch seemed to create for him.

"Come on," Edward encouraged, tossing her blanket aside, indicating that they should go ahead and get up from their position on the floor. "You go and get ready; I'll clean up our mess here and start the coffee."

She didn't have to be told twice, the promise of coffee motivating her to go ahead and move.

Bella took her time picking out her clothes and freshening up. Much like the previous trip over to Carlisle and Esme's Bella was feeling a bit anxious, though it had little to do with her growing fascination with Edward this time. Instead she was thinking about the conversation they should be having today. She wanted to come clean and be honest about what all had happened between she and James, and what the experience had really done to her psychologically.

Talking with Edward was easy and the first step to moving on with their relationship, though mildly nerve wracking, had gone rather smoothly the day prior. Even his unexpected kiss had been wonderfully comfortable, all be it a little awkward in the beginning—neither one exactly sure how far or fast they were willing to go, having to be so cautious to not overstep any unknown boundaries.  
Now Bella was ready to go step further. If she could explain to Edward what it was she feared the most then perhaps it would be even easier to continue along this path, knowledge and understanding on their side for once. The biggest hurdle was going to be finding the strength to be completely honest.

Bella had been made to relive this story a handful of times and she'd volunteered the facts of her own accord on occasion, but she'd always censored bits and pieces that she found too difficult or embarrassing to recall. The only people that really knew the truth were she and Dr. Montgomery. The version she'd given Alice had been the most truthful up to this point but it was still lacking certain details, which she was still forced to endure in her own mind.

As she laced up her favorite pair of hiking shoes Bella took a deep breath and promised herself that she would hide nothing from Edward. Dr, Montgomery had spent the better part of six months carefully prying small bits of information out of her until she'd been able to piece together the entire encounter, but she wouldn't force Edward to wait and wonder.

"Is this okay?" Edward asked, indicating the array of yogurt and leftover pastries that Alice and Jasper had brought over the day before.

Bella smiled seeing a cup of coffee already prepared just the way she liked it, sitting at her place on the table.

"Looks perfect." She agreed choosing one of the bagels and a small cup of blueberry-flavored yogurt for herself, while noticing that Edward was already dress and remained beautifully unshaven.  
He wore a pair of snug fitting jeans, his boots and the black t-shirt he'd slept in the night before, while one of his flannel shirts sat at the ready, draped over the back of his chair.

"Is it cold out today?" she asked conversationally, wondering if her thin knit top and hoodie would be enough.

"Nope, it's still pretty damp after last night's rain, but it's a really nice looking day otherwise." He shared while sipping on his coffee. "Of course I left temperatures that were averaging about fifteen degrees cooler than it is here, just last week."

He occasionally looked up from his plate, careful not to be caught staring as he watched Bella eat, silence beginning to dominate their meal as usual.  
It was a nice balance for him. He still got to enjoy a fair amount of the peaceful quiet he preferred, but at the same time he felt just as comfortable talking and laughing with her when the mood would strike. And as always she seemed pleased to accommodate whatever his needs would require.

Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail today and he kept getting distracted by the sight of her neck, coupled with the open collar of her cotton top. Tasty as the coffee and danish were he knew that his mouth was watering for a whole other purpose. He wanted to devour her soft luscious skin, licking and nibbling his way from her clavicle to the delicate curve of her ear and back down again, daring to go even further, exploring parts of her body that he'd begun to dream incessantly about. In his mind he was uninhibited by his shyness and she was eager and willing to beg for more.

"Are you ready?" Bella asked pulling him from his musings.

He blushed hotly, his eyes determinedly focusing on his hands, which were fisted against either leg. He felt like he'd been caught right in the middle of his inappropriate fantasy and he was embarrassed to know that she might be able to see the intensity of his uncontrollable desire. He could promise her all he liked and he could torture himself with restraint, but it didn't change the fact that he wanted her in a way he could not allow just yet.

"Sweetheart?" Bella worried seeing his somewhat panicked reaction.

Edward cleared his throat and discreetly adjusted himself, thankful for the table being between them so that his current state might not be as obvious.

"Just another one of those moments I managed to forget that I wasn't all by myself again." He struggled to tell her.

After realizing how prone he still was to letting his mind take him away from the present, he'd confessed the frequency of his habits during the long chat they'd had over the phone the other night. Knowing that Bella would understand his explanation should he ever find himself in such a position with her made him feel better, but it didn't make the uncomfortable nature of his daydreams any easier to ignore.

"I'll just give you a few minutes to come back from fantasyland and go find my jacket in that case." She offered without batting an eye. "Unless you want a hand cleaning this up?"

He glanced at the minimal mess their breakfast had created and shook his head; all he had to do was put their plates in the sink and toss the containers back into the pantry or place the empty ones in the trash.

"No, you go ahead, I'll get this." He encouraged.

Once he found himself alone he took a deep breath and let his hand settle more firmly against his waning hard on. He stood up carefully and made sure nothing seemed too obvious before going about his business, straightening the kitchen. Once he'd finished he took a little detour to the guest powder room just around the corner.

Edward set his glasses aside and splashed a bit of cold water onto his face before combing his fingers through his hair. He looked at his slightly blurred reflection and sighed.  
Bella was going to want to tell him about that fucking bastard, James and he was going to have to control his outrage and show her the intense level of his love and support; but right now he felt no different than that mangy prick.  
What did those stupid commercials say about contacting a doctor if an erection lasted more than four hours? Edward had often wondered how in the hell such a thing was possible, but now he wanted to know what sort of long-term damage could come from one that seemed to be perpetually recurring, with no relief in sight.

"Get it under control, Cullen." He growled softly to himself, taking heavy, measured breaths.

He unzipped his fly and reached into his boxer briefs, moving the remnants of his arousal to a more comfortable position. It felt sensitive and irritated under even the most innocent touch and his body jerked slightly in response, wanting him to be more gentle if not more thorough. He wondered for a moment how quickly he might be able to get himself off, but he immediately dismissed the idea; not wanting to make his moment of weakness into something even worse. He'd deal with the discomfort as long as he had to if it meant he was a better man than some slimy son of a bitch that would ever dare to hurt his Bella.  
Zipping back up and grabbing his glasses from the side of the sink, Edward determinedly exited the bathroom to go find her.

She was waiting patiently in the living room, but his anxiety was at a peak. He didn't know what to say or how to act suddenly, seeing her there so seemingly unaware of his internal struggle.

"Ready?" she asked in such a cheery voice—but that was before she got a good look at his expression.

"Tell me, Sweetheart." She implored after approaching him, placing a comforting hand over top of his, which were both busy twisting the life out of his flannel shirt that he'd retrieved from the kitchen on his way to find her.  
He groaned a bit, mentally apologizing for what he was about to say.

"I want to be honest with you, but I'm afraid that what I should tell you might make you uncomfortable." He cringed looking down, unable to keep eye contact.

"I'm not scared of you, Edward." She insisted.

He scratched at the side of his face and pulled a bit at the longer hair of his sideburn, his mouth busy trying to practice the words.

"Talk to me." She urged softly.

"Will you forgive me if I say that you are so beautiful that I can't…I find it hard to control my thoughts at times?" His eyebrows were lifted beseechingly above his sad, pitiful looking eyes.

"Take me to your parents house and let's go on that little walk together." She responded simply.

It was now or never; she didn't want him to be second-guessing himself anymore. And the only way she knew how to reassure him was by telling him the truth, thereby erasing his worries. She knew that whatever he was truly talking about in terms of control, he would never be someone she'd fear in the same way she'd feared James, but she knew now that _he_ didn't. The unknown was disturbing him more than the truth ever could.

Edward's hands were shaking slightly as he reached around her to open the door.

"Would you like for me to drive?" Bella offered easily, placing her hand atop his once more.

He just shook his head and led her over to the Volvo, opening the passenger door so that she could climb in.

They didn't speak again until they'd arrived at the turn off to his parent's, where Edward informed her that a separate entrance to the trail he had in mind was up ahead on the right, if she wanted to go ahead and take that walk with him now instead of later. Bella nodded and sat quietly watching him pull off to the side of the road and carefully drive his car maybe twenty feet up into the wood line so that it was no longer visible from the highway.

Under the shade of the pine trees surrounding them and with the dampness remaining from yesterday's rain it felt much cooler when Edward took hold of Bella's hand to assist her from the car. She pulled her jacket on and followed behind Edward as he made his way to a relatively wide path hidden amongst the patchy clumps of underbrush. His hands were now shoved into his pockets as usual and he was slumped slightly as he walked, leaving Bella to follow along on her own.

"I use to come out here and walk for hours when I was a boy. I was too young to go anyplace else by myself, but Mom and Dad respected my need to be alone from time to time and they didn't worry that I'd get into too much trouble as long as I stayed on the property." Edward explained after a few minutes.

"It's quite beautiful out here—peaceful." She agreed.

The walking and the silence seemed to have calmed him finally so she was ready to attempt her story if he felt comfortable hearing it.

"May I have your hand, Sweetheart?" she asked after another moment to consider her options.

Edward's eyes were smiling again as he slowed his pace and offered his hand.

"I'm too clumsy to talk and walk at the same time, especially with rocks and tree roots to contend with." She chuckled.

Now strolling along hand in hand, taking in the lush beauty of their surroundings Bella started to ease into what should to be said. She started at the very beginning, explaining the need to move in with her father and the awkward adjustments she'd had to endure in her new school. She mentioned how unprepared she'd been for that level of attention and how difficult it was to accept the type of undeserved ridicule she'd received from many of the girls that she'd just met.

When she finally got to a point where she had to speak of James and his unwanted presence, Edward had stopped walking and placed his arms around her. He hadn't said a word up to this point—just listening and absorbing information, letting Bella chose how much and what exactly she was willing to tell him.  
Bella knew that Alice had already given him some version of what had happened, but knowing that even she didn't understand fully what had really taken place and as a result what sort of damage had been done to her confidence, she knew that Edward was still going to find what she had to say rather hard to hear.  
He kissed her forehead gently and looked directly into her eyes for the first time since this morning. Taking her hands, Edward slowly turned her to face the tranquility of their destination—his meadow.

She was speechless as her eyes took in the sight before her. Tall, waving grass dotted with colorful wildflowers covered the vast clearing they'd come upon. There were three massive boulders off to the left while over to the right there was a babbling mountain stream near the edge of the clearing. And off in the distance she could see a panoramic view of the impressive mountain-scape to the north.

"Tell me more, Baby." He encouraged leading her off to the left, towards the odd collection of rocks. He climbed up on top of the lowest one and invited Bella to join him. Once they'd settled Bella retraced her thought process up to this point and attempted to start again. She'd been happy to walk and ramble through the preliminary information that led up to this part in her story. She felt like she was cruising along on autopilot, just letting the words flow, not really thinking about them or what they really meant. Now sitting next to Edward in such gorgeous surroundings, she felt bad for ruining this moment together with such terrible memories.  
It would seem that Edward was very aware of her sudden hesitation, when he took hold of her hand again and let his thumb rub over the back of her fingers.

"This is the one place I know of where I feel the safest and I wanted to share it with you. Nothing can hurt us here, nothing bad can happen and there's nothing to be afraid of." he promised her. He smiled gently and nodded his head to indicate that he understood how difficult this was.

"It had been a few weeks since I'd seen him around and he somehow managed to corner me in the library during lunch. I was usually the only one in there during that time of day, so when I came upon him I was rather startled." She said softly, trying to regain her courage as she began to speak once again.

"He said some pretty awful things and he…he pressed me up against one of the bookshelves…" Edward calmly rubbed his hand against her back in a soothing motion, letting her know that he was there for her. "Edward, he uhh…" she swallowed thickly and hid her face against his shoulder, "he rubbed his erection up against me and told me that it was all my fault." She was tracing the collar of his t-shirt with her free hand to distract her self as she continued to press on. "Mrs. Granger was making her way around, reshelving books so when he heard her coming our way he took off. I was so shaken and disgusted, but I was too embarrassed to say anything about it. I didn't even know at the time that the crazy look in his eyes should have given away the fact that he was high, but later it did account for why he'd finally crossed the line as far as his _forwardness_ with me."

Edward had stopped his comforting movements, in favor of restraining his potentially violent response to this information. His hand was now fisted and grinding itself into the rock beneath them.

"I only had two classes after lunch so I managed the rest of my day, knowing that there wouldn't be any other opportunity where I'd be alone or perhaps run into him again. When I got home I locked the door and went to my room. I was just planning to stay in and read, since it's always tended to calm my nerves, until Charlie made it home that evening. I was trying to figure out how I might tell my dad about what had happened and see if there was any way to permanently avoid such a problem in the future, but it felt pretty hopeless. If I made a fuss about James and he didn't get kicked out school, then he'd likely make my life even more miserable; even if he did get in trouble, Forks is too small a town to avoid someone entirely—there'd always be a risk of running into him and having to deal with the consequences on the outside." Bella rubbed at her forehead slightly trying to relieve a bit of tension and Edward resumed his earlier backrub, wanting to help in whatever way he could. His hand was aching now from the self-inflicted abuse he'd submitted to, but he didn't care.

"I'd only been home for a few minutes when there was a knock at the back door. I have no idea why I didn't think to check who it was before I unlocked it, but it wasn't uncommon for one of Charlie's deputies to swing by on their patrol and bring me a snack in the afternoon and Jacob, the son of my dad's best friend, had asked just a day or so before about maybe getting me to help him with an English paper he had coming up. I was relieved to think that I might have someone else there with me, so that I wouldn't be by myself, and I'd naively assumed that the person dropping by could help ease my anxiety." She looked up and saw that Edward's expression was carefully guarded and she could tell that he was trying to keep his emotions under control. It hurt to know that telling him this was so necessary and yet so painful for the both of them.

"It was James, of course." She told him looking out across the meadow now; she wasn't seeing its beauty nor the tranquility it offered, instead she could only see his disgusting lust filled eyes.

"I tried to close the door, but he was faster than I was, kicking it back open. He threw himself at me as I turned to run away. Clumsy as I am, I tripped almost immediately and fell near the kitchen table." She rubbed her hands back and forth over her denim-covered knees remembering the sharp pains shooting through her legs as she'd hit the floor. Edward had easily let go of her hand when she seemed to become restless next to him, but he was concerned when she wrapped her arms around her legs in a classically defensive posture just after.

"I tried to fight him off, but he was so much stronger." She all but whispered now the words becoming harder and harder to say.

"It all happened so fast…his hands were everywhere, grabbing and pulling…I do remember the pain from…from his teeth biting into my left breast…and…" her entire body shuddered at the memory, a choked sob managing to escape before she could stop it from surfacing.

Edward's arms came around her once again, slowly—carefully, and she could feel how badly he was trembling despite his efforts to control it. He rocked her gently trying to make her feel safe and loved, but he couldn't force himself to speak for fear of crying out or swearing at the top of his lungs—anything to make the gnawing pain in his gut go away.

"He touched me, Edward, in places that I would have never allowed him…his fingers…they very nearly penetrated me before Charlie came in and was able pull him off." His arms tightened around her and his breathing quickened, the strained sound of her voice, the vulnerability and sadness he could hear, made his heart crumble. They held onto one another for a long while, both needing time to process what had been said.

He cleared his throat eventually and attempted to steady himself.  
"I know that this is extremely difficult for you," his voice breaking slightly, causing him to pause before trying again, "but, I want to thank you for trusting me with the truth." He cleared his throat again and rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses, leaving them slightly skewed. "It really means a lot, that you would be willing to tell me something so personal."

Bella reached out and straightened his glasses for him, a little smile trying to fight its way forward despite the tears trailing down her cheeks.

"It hurts," he went on to say, every ounce of the pain he felt evident in his voice, "to know that I wasn't there to keep him from doing such awful, unforgivable things to you. But I want you to know that I'm here now, and I'm going to do whatever I can to protect you." Bella reached for his hand and tenderly caressed his knuckles cringing at the red irritated marks now marring his skin.

"I know you will," she agreed, kissing his scuffed fingers. "And it means so much, that you are willing to hear me out and that you would still want to be here with me, knowing how messed up I am because of all this. I don't trust people easily and I have trouble trusting myself as well."

"I can't be away from you anymore, Bella." He told her. "I don't want to push or make you uncomfortable by saying the wrong thing here but..." He paused and looked out over the landscape in front of them.

She waited patiently for him to continue but he seemed to almost forget that he'd ever spoken in the first place.

"I understand what you mean, Sweetheart, but what are you really saying?" she wondered, detecting something very important that was being left unsaid.

"There is nothing in Colorado that obligates me to stay there. I would have already gone back had I not met you, but now…I don't think I ever want to." He looked upon her with hopeful eyes once again, though they were now reddened by his tears.

"I think that it might be a little presumptuous, not to mention _soon_, to ask if I might move in permanently, but would it bother you if I were to ask Mom about finding me a place nearby?" he looked so shy and uncertain and Bella loved that about him. As if she could ever say no to such an idea and yet he would naturally assume that she might.

"I would love to know that you weren't going anywhere for a while." Bella nodded eagerly.

"Baby, I know that figuring everything out between us will take time, but I'm not scared of trying because I _want_ to be here for you. I'd umm...really like it if we could maybe…" he was struggling once again with the words and he hated himself for it.  
She'd just confessed the details of one of the most traumatic events that any young woman could suffer through and here he was worrying over a simple request, one he was sure that she would be agreeable to.

"Bella, I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me—like on a date." He said it all in a rush, his hands immediately looking for something to fiddle with. As it was he was already holding on to hers so he had to settle for gripping and releasing her fingers as he waited for a response.

"Like a real _date_, as in going out someplace?" she teased him lightly, her heart fluttering back to life.

"I'd like to consider you my girlfriend, Bella. So, it would be an appropriate thing to do; don't you think?" he confessed, his face changing colors faster than she could recognize them all.

"And you're considering moving back to Port Angeles to make this happen?" she also wanted to know.

He nodded his head, a bashful grin making its way through his previously solemn expression.

"I think I'd like that, as long as we can come back to your meadow and talk some more from time to time?" she decided.

"It's _our_ meadow now, Baby." He assured her.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: I was hoping for "late-ish" on Monday, but its now 3am on Tuesday, sighbut since the sun isn't up yet I'm gonna argue the point and say it _is_ still Monday. LOL  
Anyway, here's a little (short--sorry) happy to make up for some of the emotion dominating that last chapter.

And as a side note—one of your fellow readers decided to start up a thread over on twilighted forums, (thanks for that) so I'll be checking it out from time to time under the name 'Monkey58' if you want to have any further discussion about the story ;)

Chapter 22

Bella had no idea the extent nor the intensity of this burden she'd been carrying around all of these years, but once she'd shared her secrets and had honestly faced the most troubling aspects of the incident she'd been forced to endure, she suddenly felt an outrageous sense of relief—like a huge weight that she hadn't even known about had suddenly disappeared.

She should have been more willing to listen to reason and accept that so many others, holding the same positive opinion of her could potentially be right. This wasn't her fault, she was not to blame and James, sick bastard that he was, had no control over the remainder of her existence. She was free. Free to live her life, free to fall in love and free to experience all the joy and happiness that such could bring someone.  
It would seem that Edward was the key—fully aware of her past and now taking the same opinion that everyone one else who'd every been privy to her story seemed to have, she was finally starting to believe.  
It wouldn't happen over night, but she did believe that one day, hopefully soon, she'd be able to possess a fully recovered heart.

This discovery had only become more real while they'd continued to sit in the meadow, talking for quite some time. They were finally discussing the difficult subjects that they'd been careful to avoid up to this point.

Ever cautious of her fears, Edward had requested that she elaborate, if she could, on some of the details that either seemed vague or were still missing from the encounter with James, such as the aftermath and how Bella dealt with the trauma of her experience early on. With the meat of her story already out in the open Bella had felt incredibly comfortable with Edward as they continued to explore the residual issues she still faced. It was almost as if the floodgates had finally opened and with the most sensitive information having already been revealed, Bella was able to share pretty well anything else he felt might be necessary or helpful in order to understand her situation better. It wasn't nearly as painful or awkward at this point, to speak so openly about her self imposed shyness, or the low self-esteem she'd been saddled with. Especially since she knew that Edward would never find her reactions or responses to her circumstance foolish or immature, he instead was so understanding and proud of her for whatever amount of courage she'd been able to conjure up at the time.

In turn, Bella had asked Edward to tell her more about these unsettling desires that he felt, but that he'd been stubbornly refusing to acknowledge for fear of offending her or at the very least embarrassing himself.  
Bella had been avoiding men for most of her life and those she did interact with were generally members of her own family or associated with people she knew and already trusted, but that didn't necessarily mean that she was entirely naïve when it came to the male species. First hand experience aside Bella still knew that most men had urges and needs when it came to sex, and being physically attracted to a woman would only make those desires increase. She was extraordinarily moved by Edward's patience and understanding, but she couldn't help worrying about what sort of toll her reluctance would eventually take on this relationship.  
True enough, they'd only known one another for a week—officially, but with the accelerated development of their friendship and now the addition of their mutual adoration being confirmed, Bella had to wonder what would be next, and more importantly how soon.

She certainly felt a lot better knowing that he understood the truth of her ordeal, as Dr. Montgomery had suggested she might, but she wanted him to know that she was also aware of how difficult this might be from his perspective.  
He was willing to do whatever necessary to make her feel comfortable and safe with him; he was considering changes to his lifestyle—essentially uprooting the very existence he'd stubbornly held onto for all these years, for her—for _them_. Offering her own understanding was the very least that she could do.

"Don't worry about me. Your needs are much more important to me than my own." He'd assured her.

"But can you understand where I'm coming from at all?" she wanted to know, "If the roles were reversed and you were the one with some type of traumatic happening in your past and I was the one experiencing the frustration of having to always wait and wonder how much might be too much, wouldn't you want to know more about how I felt?"

"I do get that, Baby." He'd nodded, "But up until you kissed me on the cheek yesterday afternoon, I had never even come close to being in such a position; and let me tell you, kissing you down in your bedroom later that day was way more than I ever thought I'd be capable of—until after it had already happened." He laughed a little, knowing not only how true the statement was, but also that his nerves were busy telling him to shut the hell up before he might say too much.  
It was just that he found it so easy to talk to her and having so little experience communicating, he worried that his mind and his mouth wouldn't get together and discuss things before inappropriate words came into play here.

"My mind may dream up certain things and my body may jump onboard and try to force the issue, but there has never before been a scenario where I would be able to act on any of those desires." Edward kissed her hand gently and looked into her eyes to convey the sincerity of his promise. "Just because I have you now, does not mean that I suddenly have to succumb to my baser instincts."

"All the same, one day I want to make those dreams come true—for both of us." Bella shyly told him in response.

Pretty well every internal organ Edward had decided in unison that they liked the sound of that—each one of them attempting to jump right out of his body so that they might personally thank Bella for such kindness.

"For now, if I can hold your hand and give you a little kiss, maybe snuggle up to you from time to time, I'll be more than okay." He calmly assured her, attempting to mask his unwelcome reaction as best he could.

Hearing her confess that she wanted to be with him _that_ way, was making his dick tingle with excitement—his body obviously disagreeing with the abstinent stance his brain was determined to pursue. However, after the emotion filled heart to heart they'd been having off and on for most of the morning and the amount of pain and anguish she'd suffered as a result, Edward would rather rip his mutinous appendage off and toss its horny ass aside forever, than indicate to Bella just how much his body wanted hers. He promised to be better than that and he could and _would_ control himself as long as he needed to, because he knew deep down that _he_ wouldn't be capable of nor was he really ready for that type of interaction either. Twenty-five years worth of shyness and inexperience would not go away over night and a sudden availability would never change his opinion of sex and relationships. His gentlemanly conscience would never allow it.

They were walking again now, slowly making their way back to the Volvo so that they might make an appearance at his parent's house for lunch, hand in hand, taking in the beauty of their surroundings. They weren't talking much at this point, having already said so much today; each of them happy with their current level of understanding and now taking a moment to process what all they'd discussed this morning instead.

Bella was busy seeing things that she'd never allowed her self to notice before. She felt so safe with Edward that she could truly let her guard down and let her mind wander off and focus on unimportant things in his presence. She didn't have to be as conscious of her surroundings and worry about where they were going or whom they might run into, since she wasn't _alone_ and she could trust that he would look out for her. She'd always felt reasonably comfortable around Edward, but now she truly felt at ease. Lost as she was in this blissful reality, she'd been surprised to hear him when he'd finally addressed her.

"Look." He'd simply said in a hushed voice, a while later; his head bend near her ear, his chin coming to rest against her shoulder as he'd obviously pulled her in closer and stepped behind her without her knowledge.

She'd been focused on how green the moss that tended to cover almost everything in the forest appeared after the rain, especially against the darker brown of the tree trunks they'd pass. It seemed quite beautiful, this contrast of colors that she'd never taken the time to notice before.  
Her response when she'd let her eyes lift to see what he was trying to show her was a, thankfully quiet, intake of breath.

Perhaps fifty feet ahead of them the trail opened up and Bella could see the silver paint of Edward's car peeking through the trees and underbrush that separated them from where it was parked. What had surprised her however was the adorable little fawn that stood curiously inspecting the vehicle with such caution and interest.

"Cute little guy isn't he?" Edward whispered, being sure to keep his voice low and even so as to not frighten the animal away.

Bella nodded, a bright smile already in place.

They stood there for quite some time, Edward behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder as her arms rested on top of his, just watching.

"Looks like he finally decided to go find mom." Edward informed her using his normal tone of voice now, when Bella started to move about trying to keep sight of the baby deer.  
Bella pouted a little but was finally able to ask the questions she'd been dying to know.

"How could you tell he was a boy? He was so young and doesn't have antlers yet."

"The males have glands located on the inside of their hind legs, near what would be considered the knee. The coloring of their fur is much darker in that area, whereas the female's color pattern wouldn't be interrupted at all." He told her as they finally approached the car. Bella just smiled and shook her head, as he was confidently able to prove just how smart he was. This was after all one of his greatest passions they were speaking of—nature.

"Thanks to how wet everything is today we would have known he came to visit anyway." Edward grinned pointing out the little deer's tracks that had been left behind in the soft soil.

"This is amazing." Bella grinned, bending down to get a closer look at the tiny hoof prints, "How'd you even see him from so far away? He was so tiny."

"You get use to looking for them before they find you." He chuckled lightly, tapping his right knee to indicate further what exactly he meant, as he crouched down beside her.

"So this is the type of thing you get to see when you go out exploring?" she asked, a hint of admiration in her voice.

He nodded, feeling slightly self-conscious as always, despite her obvious level of interest.

"Oh Sweetheart, you're gonna have to take me with you one day." She excitedly requested, her eyes dancing with wonder, which immediately erased his apprehension.  
The honestly her expression conveyed was wonderful and Edward couldn't contain the merry laughter that left him, seeing her so animated—and over something he loved so much. He stood and pulled her to him then, prepared to be just as honest.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to know that you would be interested and willing to come with me one day." He told her.

"Are you kidding? It's all so fascinating."

"You wouldn't be scared or uncomfortable out in the…?" he had to ask, but he only got cut off.

"Not with you there to keep me safe." She promised confidently, stretching up on her tiptoes to lightly kiss his cheek.

Edward and Bella got headed towards the house eventually, still chatting but about much happier subject matter now, but little did they know that the rest of Edward's family was having a rather interesting discussion of their own.

"I've got ten bucks says they walk in holding hands." Alice smirked.

She and Jasper had arrived for lunch with her parents about an hour ago and they'd been filling Carlisle and Esme in on all of the newest developments since Bella had returned home.

"I'll see your ten and add another twenty that says they end up kissing in some manner before they leave here today." Jasper went on to say with a smirk of his own.

"Well it's a given that, at the very least, they're both gonna slip up and call each other by their little pet names at some point." Alice reiterated.

"You two are seriously saying that they've gone from exchanging shy glances and practically knocking over the dinner table last week to all of a sudden…?" Esme didn't even have the right word, as she let her hands wave around for a moment to get her point across instead.

"And Edward actually _kissed_ her?" Carlisle seemed confused, yet rather proud anyway.

It was hard to believe but Jasper and Alice had both been sincere and their stories matched up perfectly. It made Carlisle believe that this wasn't just the excited rambling of his often over zealous daughter but something real, since as much influence as Alice had over Jasper, Carlisle knew that the boy held Bella in a high regard and as much as Jasper obviously loved his daughter, he had no trouble telling Alice when to give it a rest if the situation called for it.  
But Carlisle also knew his own son. To believe that Edward had come such a long way—from the shy, often uncertain man that he'd come to accept, to someone that was willing to attempt a _real_ relationship, was difficult.

"Well Bella kissed him on the cheek first, and then we saw Edward do the same, much later. Bella very reluctantly _told_ me that they'd kissed, later when I had a moment alone with her." Alice explained.

They'd already gone over the part about Edward and Bella both calling Alice for advice and the fact that the two of them had been talking on the phone while Bella was out of town. Alice had graciously refused to share information about what all had been said in confidence between her self and the others, but she wanted her parents to be prepared nonetheless. It was all so shocking and exciting to see the changes and the progression first hand that she didn't want them left in the dark if they didn't have to be.

Carlisle sighed heavily, drawing everyone's seemingly unwanted attention.

"What?" he asked a moment later, a little grin pulling persistently at his mouth.

His wife just looked at him as if to say, spill it, and he no longer possessed the ability to fight his giddy laughter.

"Never thought I'd be jealous of my own son, but damn."

"Huh? Dad, Eww!" Alice groaned as Jasper started laughing with Carlisle, over his obvious disappointment that Bella had found a new Cullen to swoon over. "You're an old married guy anyway."

"A _happy_ one at that." Esme raised an eyebrow in good humor.

"Oh just stop!" Alice protested, forcing everyone to laugh at her uncomfortable expression.

"Don't worry, Carlisle, I'm sure Bella will still think of you the hottest _old_ dude. She just happened to find her self a hot _young_ dude finally." Jasper teased as he happily caught Alice when she lunged in his direction, presumably to make him stop talking.

"Jasper darling, is there something you want to tell us about _your_ interest in my son?" Esme blinked innocently; so ecstatic over the news that her boy was finally showing some real social improvements that she was unable to control her playful jesting.

"Oh no ma'am, I'm all about your daughter." Jasper grinned without hesitation, "but, I have to say that your husband on the other hand…" Alice smacked him across the chest, making him exaggeratedly pout despite his continued chuckles.

"Well, don't I feel special." Carlisle preened.

They all had dissolved into a fit of laughter once more, keeping the similar sounds echoing through the front hall as Bella and Edward entered the house intermingle with their own, leaving the circumstances of their entry a secret for now.

"Shh," Edward encouraged through his own giggles as he bent down to lower Bella from where she'd been perched on his back. He took her hand and kissed it gently, a smile sparkling in his eyes.

Bella blushed slightly under his gaze, her body heated from the thrilling experience of being so close to him, never in her life believing that a simple piggyback ride could be so exhilarating.

"What do you suppose they're so excited about?" she chuckled hearing the boisterous sounds filtering in from the other room.

She reached up to smooth down his hair, which was sticking up funny from where she'd been running her hands through it just moments ago and giggled once more when he started to groan in appreciation.

"Frankly I don't care right now." He sighed moving his face to the side of her neck, inhaling the delicious aroma of her skin.

Bella started giggling again, this time from the ticklish sensation the feel of his beard had given her.

"Tickle?" Edward grinned playfully, rubbing his face against her repeatedly now, holding her to him so that she couldn't escape.

Her squeal of delighted laughter had been uncontrollable and apparently too much, as the others had been alerted to their arrival; yet lost as they were and given a false sense of security by the noise they'd heard coming from the other room just before, neither of them had thought to quiet down and behave until it was too late.

"Guess all those bets are off now." Jasper shrugged as he place a hand on Alice's shoulder seeing that she'd gone into a mild state of shock.

The last thing she'd said was "What the hell was that?" followed by a mischievous grin as she'd climbed out of his lap to go and investigate the outburst that had finally interrupted the continued laughter surrounding her parent's table. Everyone had been moved to follow along and none of them had been expecting the scene that they had stumbled upon.

They were holding one another in a very familiar way. Bella's hand fisted loosely in his hair, while he had his arms wrapped around her securely, nuzzling the sides of her face and neck with the prickly softness of his beard. The contented yet playful look upon his face and the blissful expression on Bella's combined to be the most genuine indication of their current state, either of them had been capable of to this point.

Edward slowly separated them at the sound of Jasper's calm observation, his body stiff and awkward suddenly, the embarrassment he felt over being seen during such a private moment and the concern that Bella might hold this against him made his heart drop. Taking a deep breath he looked at Bella with apology in his eyes, every bit of his happy demeanor having been thoroughly sobered.

Bella was beet red and pulling nervously at her lower lip with her teeth, but she still had it within her to smile for him. Her adorably shy Edward would seemingly never go away entirely and she loved that about him.

"So what are you all staring at?" she asked evenly, never letting her eyes leave Edward's.

She could see out of the corner of her eye that not only had Jasper come upon them but everyone else seemed to be present was well.

"Well, I know I can't compete, but I was sort of waiting for _my_ hug." Carlisle mentioned after clearing his throat, affecting a rather pitiful, boyish look of uncertainty, which made everyone chuckle. It was a rather easy way to break the unintended tension, which had been his motive all along.

Bella smiled at Edward once again and gave his hand a little squeeze before going over to his father.

"Sorry, Old Dude." She teased opening her arms for that hug.

Carlisle didn't really want to pull her away from Edward but he was hoping his request would defuse the uncomfortable nature of the situation for them all. The drastic change that had taken place so quickly, when Edward had realized that he and Bella were no longer all by themselves had concerned him in a way that he hadn't expected. His heart literally hurt seeing his son so uncomfortable when he'd seen him so happy just seconds before.

"After everyone says hello, take Edward outside for a few minutes to let him calm down okay." He requested quietly during their quick embrace.

Bella nodded her understanding and her thanks before going to say hi to Alice who was still sporting a rather glazed over expression.

"I'll tell you later." Bella promised with a wink that seemed to bring her out of her state rather effectively.

"You'd better believe you will." She insisted playfully now, her arms wrapped around Jasper.

After that had been settled Bella turned back to see that Edward was speaking quietly with his mother, Esme curiously letting her hand touch the side of his face, a look of surprised satisfaction firmly in place. Bella noticed that Edward was nodding slightly and had managed to smile a bit for his mom, but that his hands were now worrying at the frayed tail of his old flannel shirt. She glanced back at Alice and they shared an understanding look between them before Bella slowly left to go and be by his side.

When Esme noticed her approaching them her smile brightened even further, seeing that Edward's entire being had begun to relax as soon as she neared. She was in awe of the changes she could see in his confidence and witnessing for herself how _intimate_ and playful he was with Bella, which was something she'd honestly never dreamed he might be capable of, was doubly wonderful.  
She hated that her happiness had no other way to manifest itself short of smiling through her threatening tears, but it was all so overwhelming. Talking and laughing with her family over this new and exciting relationship was one thing, seeing the truth of it all was entirely another.

"May I borrow Edward again?" Bella asked sweetly once she had Esme's attention.

"Of course my dear." She assured her easily, noting that Edward had started to blush over being discussed in such a way.  
All Bella had to do however was take his hand and he seemed to be over the discomfort as quickly as it had come upon him. Bella smiled her thanks and with both hands wrapped around one of his she led him off towards the back door and outside to have a seat on the porch.  
Carlisle had been right; Edward was in need of a moment alone to collect his emotions and he was pleased that Bella's presence actually made the task easier as opposed to making it any more difficult.

They sat outside for a while, just enjoying the quiet and the uncommon warmth of the sunshine for this time of year, neither feeling a need to speak. He couldn't apologize, thanks to their previous pact, and he wasn't comfortable bringing up the subject just yet anyway, so he just let the silence linger as he and Bella sat on the back steps, leaning shoulder to shoulder her head resting upon his, until he was reminded of an idea that had surfaced earlier in the day; an idea that he couldn't seem to ignore any longer.

He stood slowly, making sure that his movement didn't startle her and gestured with a tilt of his head that she should come with him as he offered her his hand.

He could still feel how nervous and agitated the embarrassing scene he'd experienced with his family had left him and he wanted to make that sensation go away; he wanted to replace it with the kind of happiness he'd known as he stood holding Bella in the forest, watching a curious young deer and he'd gratefully take the playful banter that had filled the short car ride back to his parent's home. He'd even be willing to settle for the type of comfortable communication they'd had out in the meadow—anything would be preferable at this point, but he'd been spoiled as of late and he wasn't going to tolerate the discomfort any longer.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked a moment later seeing Edward creep around yet another corner as if they were trying to reach their destination undetected for some reason.

He didn't say anything just continued on his way until they eventually entered the room, which housed his old piano.  
He didn't want to spoil the surprise and he didn't want his plan to be interrupted or postponed by any of the others that might come along and hinder his ability to get through this process. He'd been reluctant to play for Bella when she'd asked him originally because he'd always seen playing as a way to relax and cope with his loneliness, insecurity and his own sense of inadequacy; he never liked for people to witness the emotions it might provoke and what sort of all consuming power it held over him. He'd been afraid for Bella to see just how messed up he could really be at times and playing for her would no doubt be the closest thing he could do to baring his soul.

"Really?" she asked, sounding so excited once more.

_Really_, Edward thought to himself as he escorted her over to the bench, indicating she should have a seat.

When Bella sat down to one side of the bench, leaving room for him as well, and looked back up, she noticed how his hands had immediately started looking for some type of distraction, the moment he'd released her.

"Sweetheart," she said kindly, softly, "you don't have to."

Edward smiled gently and shook his head. He really did feel as though he needed to do this. She'd already shared so much with him and he wanted to open up and reciprocate, not to mention it had been over a week since he'd had any opportunity to play. He'd only ever denied himself the therapeutic pleasure for that long when he had no other option, which generally meant he was out on some excursion or another and a piano was obviously not available.

"I want to, Baby; just give me a moment to relax." He encouraged, taking his seat right next to her, lifting the key cover.

He bowed his head and took a cleansing breath as he found the right placement for his hands.

Bella felt her heart beating throughout her entire body, the anticipation along with the significance of his gesture moving her.

He played a few basic scales to begin with, warming up his fingers and testing the tune of his instrument, but when he transitioned into an actual, yet unrecognizable song Bella's heart lurched into her throat. Talent—it didn't even begin to describe the ease with which he played the complicated piece or the way he seemed to _feel_ the music, instantly and so completely.

He looked up finally and the melody changed, increasing in complexity.  
"This one's Mom's favorite." He told her softly, his expression seeming to have cleared, his body more relaxed and resembling that of the Edward she'd spent the past few hours enjoying.

"Beautiful," she marveled quietly.

Elsewhere in the house his family had once again come to a standstill. After Bella had removed Edward from the anxiety inducing situation earlier, Carlisle had asked for everyone to give them some time to recuperate, sighting Edward and Bella's known sensitivity and their right to some measure of privacy. They'd all agreed that it would be for the best, even Jasper, who couldn't deny his amusement, given the changes he could see in his girlfriend and her parents, knew that it was for the best. He'd been told time and time again how difficult it was for Edward to associate with people and he'd seen for himself just how hard it was for Bella to relax around new acquaintances; seeing them together for the first time yesterday had been fascinating and here again today had proved one thing for certain—these two were undeniably in love, yet they still had a whole mountain of issues left to tackle. He was pleased to sit back and be supportive, feeling like he had a good grasp of what they were going through, but he'd been surprised and somewhat unprepare for the emotions that surfaced within him, hearing what song Edward was now playing on the piano for Bella.

"Oh my god." Jasper choked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"What is it, Jazz?" Alice worried, turning to look up at him, as he was sitting just behind her, his arms draped around her while they lounged in the living room, enjoying the sounds of Edward's little performance.

The music had morphed once again into yet another song, this one a tune that Jasper knew intimately but hadn't heard in years. It had been popular country song at one time; one that he still knew every word to, yet he'd never paid that much attention to the meaning it might hold for one such as Edward. It was insanely sweet and almost heartbreaking to consider that he would chose to play such a song for Bella.

Jasper stood and went across the room to fetch Alice laptop that he'd noticed was sitting on the little side table. He searched briefly for an appropriate site and pulled up the lyrics to the song they were still listening to, tears welling up as he walked away, moved beyond words at this point.

"Do you know this song, Baby?" Edward asked, some unknown, yet intense emotion now present as he spoke.

She shook her head, rubbing a tear from her eye; the sweet sound of the melody was enough to reach her whether she knew the title or the words.

"I heard this a while back and it immediately touched my heart; I knew that if I was ever lucky enough to meet someone I could really see myself caring for, someone I could see myself falling in love with, this song would explain things that I might never be able to say to that person." Edward glanced at Bella and let his crooked little grin show her what he was really trying to convey.

"I don't have it in me to sing for you, but I'll let you listen to it again on the way home." He promised as the song reached its inevitable end.

"For now, I just want you to know that…I love you."

***

The song mentioned above is "When Somebody Loves You" by Alan Jackson…I randomly ran across this on my husband's ipod a few days ago and I think I suffered a mild heart attack, I swore right then that I'd find a way to sneak this thing into my story, I just couldn't believe how appropriate it seemed.

I'll toss the link up on my profile if you care to listen.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: I don't think that I left this one hanging in too bad a spot, but just so you know this one is a _to be continued..._type of chapter ;) Lots of big happenings yet to come.

Chapter 23

How do you respond when the man of your dreams tells you that they are in love with you? Not only that but consider that you'd recently learned that this man was willing to change just about everything he'd ever known and was comfortable with for the sake of pursuing a relationship with you. Now add to it the fact that he'd just been serenading you with the most beautiful, heartfelt medley of music you'd ever heard. Yeah, Bella wasn't exactly sure how to react right away either.

It seemed that it was Edward's goal to continually surprise her today, but the elation she felt so deep within her more than made up for any initial shock. Here was this sweet, understanding, gorgeous man before her, who _loved_ her and she was suddenly in need of showing him that she felt exactly the same way.

She couldn't help the immediate smile that had shown up and eventually she'd managed to speak, her words apparently, yet suprisingly, awakening the same type of desire she'd once experienced during her dreams.  
Bella stood slowly, ignoring the handful of tears trailing down her cheeks and repositioned herself to sit in Edward's lap as he pushed back allowing some space between he and the piano. She gently took his face in her hands, and looked into his eyes. Then before she let her lips thank him for his love and the courage he'd had to find in order to tell her she'd simply whispered his name, her voice so full of adoration and promise and her kiss filled with passion.

But now it was Monday morning and it was time to get back to work—in more ways than one. Bella had been avoiding the office ever since she'd decided to give up the uncomfortable routine she'd tried to impose upon herself in order to accommodate Edward's unexpected presence in she and Alice's home. But, with an assignment due and likely a handful of new ones awaiting her, she couldn't find a way out of going in to work today. At least the flexibility of her job meant that she wouldn't have to stay the entire day and she would likely have the freedom to avoid going in again for a while, depending on assignment deadlines.

She pretty well despised the idea of having to dress up in work appropriate attire and she would like having to smile and acknowledge many of her colleagues even less, but what she really hated about leaving for work today was that she wouldn't be able to spend all of her time with Edward. Fortunately he'd insisted, while she'd been cramming in the last bit of her reading the night before as they'd sat eating peanut butter sandwiches for their supper, that he had plenty of things on his agenda to keep himself busy. Feeling mildly better about the situation in that case, she'd resigned herself to suffering through her workday.

It was true that she didn't care to deal with the hassle of actually going into work but she couldn't deny that she had other concerns as well. She'd found herself repeatedly worrying throughout most of yesterday—noticing how hard Edward was pushing himself and the obvious amount of stress he'd felt as a result.  
The burden of knowing her past and feeling obligated to promise her so much, coupled with the awkward start to their afternoon spent with his family made his seemingly continual state of anxiety quite obvious. However, it wasn't until after he'd played for her—after he'd declared his love that things started to make a little more sense to her. He'd never have to explain himself to her, she was willing to accept him just the way he was, with all of his social inadequacies; but it still concerned her to know that she might be the cause of some of his discomfort for a change when they had been doing so well as of late.

It was an hour or so after he'd stopped playing when Carlisle had cautiously knocked on the wood of the doorframe to gain their attention. They'd still been holding one another, Bella sitting on Edward's lap, her arms about his shoulders, his hand unconsciously caressing her leg.

"Mom says that lunch is ready if you guys want to join us." Edward's father had invited softly; a neutral, unaffected expression keeping any surprise or pleasure he'd felt from seeing them this way well hidden—his choice of words leaving the decision up to them.  
A silent understanding seemed to pass between them as Edward continued to hold Bella's gaze. She could tell that he was trying to get the right words together so that he might provide an answer, but he seemed reluctant to speak.

"We'll be there in just a minute." She told Carlisle quietly, graciously taking the burden off of Edward, so Carlisle had smiled kindly and left them to it.

When he'd walked away Edward sighed heavily and hesitantly told Bella in a soft voice that he may be in need of a bit more than a minute. As it slowly started to dawn on her what he was talking about Bella's cheeks started to flame and she'd quickly removed herself from Edward's lap, stuttering apologies.

"Damnit Bella, stop that." He'd scolded sternly—albeit calmly, grabbing hold of her hand before she could step too far away. "You did nothing wrong, Baby." He added in earnest a moment later, still trying to will away the passion induced response his body had stubbornly insisted upon.

Bella felt so foolish and uncaring in that moment. Even after the discussion they'd had out in the meadow only a few short hours before, she had somehow subconsciously pushed any reminder of his needs aside in favor of pursuing her own. And this sudden realization brought to life just how difficult every other moment leading up to now in the presence of his family must have been for him.  
Sure, she'd felt rather awkward and disconcerted having an audience pop in on their sweet little display of affection, but _her_ arousal would remain well hidden. And though she didn't know what it felt like for him, she was certain that she'd never have to suffer the same kind of physical discomfort he might experience were she to continually deny her needs.

"Oh god, Sweetheart. You should have said something, made me stop." Bella persisted despite his reprimand.

"I already told you, I'll be fine." He grunted stubbornly, standing up from the piano bench finally. "I wouldn't have missed that moment—that kiss for anything; and hearing you say that you love me too…that only made it better." He sighed again, his forehead coming to rest against hers, a blissful expression spread across his features.

"You can do me a favor though…" he grinned.

"Anything." Bella immediately agreed.

"Go and entertain my family for a few so that I can go umm…walk it off, so to speak." Edward chuckled a bit, unsure of just how his choice of words might be perceived.

"Okay…yeah…I'll just leave you to uhh…"

"Bella," Edward grinned catching her once more as she tried to escape, "you need to relax." He brushed his fingertips over the lingering blush staining her face and bent to kiss her chastely.

"K," she simply sighed, his reassurance finally sinking in.

From there lunch had been easier to endure than any of them had really expected it to be. There were a few knowing glances passed around, particularly when Edward had finally joined the rest of them a few moments after Bella had already come to the table. He had refrained from saying anything for the duration of the meal, but overall it was still pleasant. For Bella, it would seem that Edward was too busy thinking to notice any of the happy smiles or follow along with any of the discussion surrounding him as a result, but she still felt his hand ever present on her knee as they'd eaten, and she took from that the understanding that things were okay.

She might have felt worse under any other circumstances, having to beg their leave right after they'd managed to clear the table, but she knew despite the casual demeanor he'd been able to represent that Edward was _done_ for the day; and she herself couldn't dream of having to endure anymore surprises for a while. Having a need to get home and finish up her work before the next day had suddenly become a rather welcome excuse—providing them with a reasonable means to escape.

And fortunately other than a quick visit from Alice and Jasper a few hours later, so that she could pick up a few extra things for the night and a change of clothes for in the morning, Edward and Bella had been able to enjoy some time spent relaxing together to make up for such an emotionally strenuous day.

Edward had eventually found his comfort zone once again, alone with Bella, no fear of interruption, no fear of the unexpected; but when they'd said goodnight rather early, they'd gone their separate ways this time, as they both needed some rest and a little more time to think. They'd both agreeably done so because of a lingering need to make some sense of the day and plan where they might be ready to go from here.

Edward had decided that his first order of business was to find ways that he might show Bella that he wanted to take care of her, since as hard as it was for him to communicate it would be one thing for him to say the words—it would be another thing entirely for him to show her just what his being in love with her meant. And considering that Bella had been made to be so leery of men so early on in her life he felt it was important to reassure her in every way he could.

The way that he'd come downstairs right when she would need to be waking for the morning, a cup of coffee in hand and a timid smile upon his face as he slowly made his way to her bedside while she'd been leisurely stretching, made Bella's heart want to dance. And the way that he'd knelt down next the bed and playfully whispered a "Good morning, Baby," had the rest of her insides melting into one another—proving that he was off to an impressive start with step one.

Later as he'd asked for her help deciding which shirt he should choose for the day and how he'd reluctantly mentioned that he was probably going to have to shave had Bella smiling brightly. She didn't even know that it was Edward's intention to go and spend most of the morning, while she was at the office, with his parents—his mother in particular, but she was loving the fact that he seemed to value her opinion so highly.

Like Edward, she'd also spent quite a bit of time considering her feelings and where she felt like they'd go from here, but as always she had questions and concerns that she didn't know how to address on her own. Seeing that Edward was trying this hard she felt like it was time to do a little more from her end as well. So as she'd gotten ready for her day she'd programmed all of Dr. Montgomery's numbers into her phone, and had even checked to make sure she had Renee's most recent contact information. If she was lucky she'd be able to square away her workload by lunchtime, and with Jasper having to resume his normal schedule today along with everyone else, she'd decided that she was going to be grabbing Alice away from the shop for some girl time before she made it back home to Edward. She hoped that by then she would have a few answers, if not recommendations as to how she and Edward might ease into this next phase that was now ready and waiting rather anxiously to be pursued.

Finally, after Edward had seen her off with a reaffirmation of his love and a tender kiss to tide them over until she'd return, they were both seemingly ready to pursue the next few items on their lists for the day.

After the less than ideal situation that had started off the afternoon spent with his family, Edward had been unable to recover well enough to broach the subject of their obvious relationship, or his recently decided upon intentions to relocate. He wasn't sure that he would have been able to bring up the topic in front of everyone even had there been no extenuating circumstances to add to his anxiety, but having had the time to consider all that would be necessary in order to make this potential move a real possibility, it left him feeling eager to now get the process started; and speaking with his mother would be the most obvious way to handle that. Speaking with his father today were he available would just be an extra-added bonus; making this visit with the parents the very next item he wished to address.

Edward was a smart man and a very observant man. He'd seen the way that his father doted on Bella whenever they were together, and he had some inexplicable yet intense need to thank him for showing Bella such kindness. Having a positive male role model that she wasn't directly related to would seem invaluable for a young woman who'd been made to experience all that Bella had, and it was quite obvious that Bella appreciated Carlisle's friendship. Additionally Edward wanted to speak with his father concerning other matters as well.

He was inexperienced, but like Bella he was far from being naïve. If he was going to move back and if he was going to be so close and always available to the one he loved, then reaching whatever would ultimately be the end of their combined comfort level, physically speaking, would become inevitable.

Edward figured that most boys had this type of conversation with their fathers at a much younger age, or perhaps they'd even avoided it altogether, but he was desperate for whatever sort of advice Carlisle might be able to give him, trusting that his father would keep both he and Bella's best interest at heart; since, as sure as he was about how he felt, he was just as uncertain about where they might go from here.

Edward had made an impulsive decision yesterday to play a song that was so meaningful to him as he'd sat at his piano with Bella, and as a result he'd been unable to avoid saying what his heart knew to be true. He loved her.

It was just so easy to love her and as it turned out it was much easier than he'd anticipated it would be to actually say it. Unfortunately he hadn't really considered what saying the words would mean for them, or how it might affect the remainder of their day. As a result he'd had a brief moment where his uncertainty set in once again—fearing that he'd been too selfish in his declaration, seeing that she'd been overcome with so many different emotions. But she was quick to assure him that she'd fallen in love with him as well—her smile and her tears, her arms and her hands and her lips putting an end to his impromptu concert as they continued to solidify their ever-growing bond.

He recognized immediately that there was a new sort of passion present when they'd kissed—tender and cautious as always, but with a lingering promise that hovered just below the surface—a promise that somehow managed to unnerve Edward despite his happiness; since no matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to gain control over his hormonal responses. Although it was Bella that had boldly taken their intimate embrace a step beyond what they'd been silently agreeable to up to this point, he still felt so weak, understanding that by all accounts their interaction would still be consider by most, terribly innocent.

After the fact, as hard as it was to get through each moment at the time, he knew that overall it had been a wonderful and exciting day and he was now determined to make some real changes in his life. Being with Bella and being able to tell her how he really felt was so encouraging; and knowing that he had her trust and that she willingly returned his love had filled him with such hope. He was now ready to try even harder to make Bella see just how much he truly cared—even if that meant he had to pursue things that he'd ordinarily avoid at all costs. With that in mind he figured he was as ready as he was ever going to be to go see his mother and father.

During what was beginning to seem like a rather short drive, it occurred to him that it was actually sort of amazing, the odd sensations his body seemed prone to.  
For years now, whenever he was nervous and feeling as though he was about to experience something that could potentially make him uncomfortable, he often felt a cold flipping occur deep within the tightening pit of his belly, which could tend to make him a bit queasy. If he actually found himself in the middle of any of those anxiety-inducing situations then the feelings would intensify and make his body tremble and ache—an uncontrolled production of adrenaline making it nearly impossible to calm himself for quite some time.  
Since meeting Bella however, he'd been able to differentiate between the various physical responses he might be made to suffer with a much greater understanding as to when and why he'd feel that way. The beauty of it was that although he'd felt uncomfortable with her at times in the beginning and he'd had quite a few awkward moments early on, he'd never really felt the _same_ as he did when dealing with anyone else. And even now, as he was contemplating such an out of character trip to visit and speak with his parents this morning, he still couldn't claim that this unsettled feeling he had really indicated any type of _fear_.

The unexpected greeting he'd received from his father on the other hand had induced a type of sensation he wasn't entirely sure he'd ever known.

"Hey son." Carlisle had cheerfully acknowledged, after Edward had knocked on the door and let himself in to find his father sitting on the sofa with the morning paper.

"Hey." Edward said in return, his half-smile accompanying the simple hello.

Carlisle lowered the paper and smile seeing Edward stand there in his living room. He wasn't sure why he'd ever let himself consider saying such a thing or what sort of reaction he might have expected but he just couldn't seem to help himself.  
He'd noticed a lot of changes in Edward over the past few days but here was his son—clean-shaven, dressed in a nice button down shirt, likely courtesy of his sister, and wearing khakis instead of his usual uniform of jeans and a flannel. His hair was still a bit damp from his recent shower and therefore in some semblance of order and he had an overall unrecognizable look about him—as if he had something urgent to say but was busy hiding any indication as to what it could be.

"Are you and Mom available to talk a while this morning? I have something rather important I want to discuss with you guys." Edward managed following their greeting, as he let his fingers twist and tangle themselves in the lining of his pockets.

"As long as you're not about to tell us that you've gone and knocked up Bella, I think we might be able to manage a little time." Carlisle said casually, during his brief moment of poor judgment.

"Dad! What the hell?" Edward protested immediately.

"I'm sorry," his father had giggled—unable to control the response when he'd seen his son's shocked expression, "I apologize really. I have no idea what I was thinking."

"Shit." Carlisle groaned in the very next breath, quickly getting to his feet when he looked up again and took notice of the way Edward was starting to drain of color instead of taking on his usual blush.

"Son, calm down and breathe. It was just a little joke and a really bad one at that." Carlisle promised now in a very controlled voice, cringing as he watched his son actually take a step back when he'd approached him.

"Oh Edward, I thought that was you." Esme acknowledged coming into the room with a cheery bounce in her gait. She had it on the tip of her tongue to ask what had him coming by so early today, eager to spend whatever time she could with him whatever the reason; but her words never surfaced as she took in the tortured look on her husband's face and the pain that was visible in her son's eyes.

Edward's mind was running a thousand miles a minute as he was trying to shake this unbidden feeling. His instinct had him wanting to run and hide from the embarrassment, his temper wanted to lash out and defend himself, and his timid nature was trying to force his body to shutdown it would seem. It had been a long time since he'd truly suffered such a response to anything, but that was only because he'd been so careful to avoid the kind of situations that might contribute to this type of reaction.

_It was just a joke…he didn't really think him capable of such irresponsibility…this was his father…he was on his side…his dad loved him…he understood him…_Edward was trying desperately to convince himself that there was no need to be so shaken, but it wasn't going to be easy. The intensity of his self-doubt at the moment was frightening him and therefore only making matters worse.

"Darling, tell me what to do." His mother's soothing voice filtered into his thought process somehow, "Shall I call Bella for you?"

At the mention of her name his eyes snapped open and searched for his mother. He'd hadn't even realized that he'd managed to pull his glasses off nor close his eyes; and he was now aware that he was also fisting both hands into his hair, almost painfully, in an unconscious attempt to recover his control.

"I'm…okay." He wheezed a bit, not understanding why he couldn't seem to take a full breath. "Please…" he wanted to tell her not to bother Bella and that he was sure he'd be fine in a few minutes but he couldn't even seem to stand on his own suddenly.  
His father's strong arms supported him, though he hadn't even felt his touch, while he gently guided him to take a seat on the sofa. Edward let his eyes wander to those of his dad as he knelt before him and it broke his heart to see such desperate concern etched into his every blurry feature.

"I need to know. How often has this sort of thing happened?" Carlisle asked calmly, his face drawn in a very remorseful expression.

Edward had easily forgiven him for his unthinking moment, but he still felt terrible. He'd not seen his son react so strongly to anything since he'd been quite young and still so unwilling to talk that it was hard to know what sort of triggers he might have had at the time.  
Always aware and ever cautious of how sensitive Edward was, Carlisle made every effort to give him space and avoided speaking of anything that could potentially seem disquieting for him. But like everyone else he'd been so surprised, yet pleased by the vast changes and improvements that Edward had been able to accomplish as of late that he'd somehow forgotten his role.

Just yesterday he'd been the one to step up and tell everyone else to give them some space, but today here he was—the inconsiderate bastard that very nearly forced his own son to pass out when he should have known better than to tease him about such things.

Edward accepted the glass of water that his mother had returned with and slowly took a sip as she sat next to him on the sofa, her hand rubbing his back in soothing circles that reminded him of the way she'd tend to him as a child when he'd been going through one of his moments.

"The last time was the day that I met Bella, but it was nowhere near as intense." He sighed, and then cleared his throat before taking another thirsty gulp of water; "Prior to that it had been years…probably something school related back in college." He shrugged, unable to really recall what might have set him off at the time.

His father was a concerned parent at the moment but Edward could tell that he was slipping further into doctor mode with every passing second. The fact that his father would recognize a full-blown anxiety attack for what it truly was didn't surprise him; and honestly after the way that this one had come upon him so suddenly, he was okay with the idea of addressing the issue.

"Are you okay talking about this?" his father asked kindly, knowing that in years past Edward was so reluctant to consider anything short of seclusion to treat his problems.

Edward nodded looking down at the glass he was busy clutching with both hands.  
"I'm umm…not willing to ignore these things anymore." He said softly, "Bella," he said her name so reverently, "she knows about…everything and she's okay with it." He looked at his mother and then towards his father.  
He didn't care for his inability to speak right now. He wanted to pour his heart out and confess every last thing he'd ever hidden from his parents—how much he loved them, how much he appreciated them, and how much he hated that his issues had made them worry for so long. But he couldn't say all of that right now. What he could tell them was that he was ready to make some changes and that he'd be forever grateful for their continued support.

"We love each other and…and I'm…she doesn't want me to…she doesn't think I need to change but…I want to be better—for her."

His mother's hand had stopped moving against his back and he could feel her trembling now. He set the glass of water aside and reach over to take hold of her other hand.

"I want to move back to Port Angeles, Mom. To be closer to all of you." He told her as her hand clasped on to his so tightly.

Esme looked over at her husband. He was sitting in the chair to Edward's other side, his long legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles, his head propped against his fist as he leaned into the armrest, his elbow resting upon it. His posture would seem casual and relaxed to anyone else but Esme could see that he was doing his very best to pretend that he wasn't busy ripping himself apart on the inside, and yet the tears pooling in his eyes as he finally smiled once again gave away every emotion he was trying to control.

"I'll need some help finding a place." He added making his mother redirect her attention.

"How soon would you want to move? How soon would you be able to?" his mother asked eagerly now, making her husband grin at her enthusiasm and his son's ability to make her so happy.

Edward rubbed at the back of his neck a bit and looked down shyly.

"Umm…I'd like for Bella to uhh…be able to go with me…when I go back to pack up and secure the cabin. So I'll need to wait until she's available for that. But umm…I guess I was hoping to maybe go ahead and find my own place, since I don't know how long that might be. And I don't think I…I don't want to inconvenience Alice any more than I already have."

He'd taken the time, while Bella had been busy going over her manuscript from work last night, to check his thoroughly neglected email; and while online he'd started doing a bit of research.  
The first thing he was able to determine was that he was still without any pressing assignments that might force him to leave earlier than expected so that he might start working again; so retrieving his computer equipment could wait a while. And the second thing he managed to find out was that there were no fewer than thirty-seven properties up for sale or rent within a fifteen mile radius of Port Angeles' business district, which didn't even include whatever real estate his mother was still holding onto these days that he was unaware of.

"Bella knows it's your intention to move back then?" Carlisle curiously asked now.

"She does, but we never got around to talking about how soon...or the fact that I'd like for her to be—involved." He admitted, again rubbing at his neck and shoulder unconsciously.

"I'm sure that she will be so excited and more than willing to go along." Esme offered as Carlisle started to rise from his chair.  
He walked over to the hutch that was near one of his bookcases and produced his medical bag. A moment later he returned with a small bottle of pills.

"These are nothing more than mild muscle relaxers," he explained offering them to Edward. "They won't help with the anxiety at all but they can be quite helpful with the after affects." He indicated how he was still trying to flex the tense soreness from his neck and back.

"Will they make me sleepy?" Edward asked slipping on his glasses again so that he might read the label. "I really want to be back before Bella gets off from work this afternoon."

"Take half a pill and you'll be fine to drive by midday. They're really just a mutated version of Advil." Carlisle promised as Esme took the empty glass from the table, going off to refill it so that Edward might take the recommended medication.

"Hey, you don't have to go into the hospital or anything do you?" Edward asked his father quietly, while they had a moment alone when he'd gone back to close up his bag, but had left it out on the shelf instead of returning it to the cabinet.  
Carlisle shook his head explaining that he was cutting back on some of his hours since the hospital had recently hired a bit more staff.

"Before I head back to meet Bella, I was umm...hoping that I could ask you a few things…privately?" Edward requested looking about for his mother's return.

"Of course." His father agreed easily. "We can talk about anything Son, you know that. I just feel so terrible that I…"

Edward put an end to his father's attempt at a repeat apology by standing up and embracing him.

"You know, Bella won't let me apologize for being the way that I am," he told him, "and I really like that arrangement. It seems to make talking with her easier."  
He pulled away and looked at his father, noting that every bit of his happy, playful personality had all but vanished since their little misunderstanding.

"You _should_ be able to joke around and make stupid comments without fear of setting me off, Dad." He assured him, "And I really want to be able to laugh about things _with_ you. So, you're not allowed to apologize anymore," Edward's crooked little grin finally reemerged, "I want you to instead help me figure out what we need to do to make that happen."

"Let me make a few phone calls this morning while your mother goes over whatever real estate stuff you'll need to look at then we'll try our best to do just that." He offered just as Esme was returning with Edward's water and one of her home buying portfolios by the look of it.

"You tell me if he seems interested in one of those sissified uptown condos, Love." Carlisle warned as Edward swallowed down his pill and his mother started laying out various home listings and descriptions of the properties she already owned on the coffee table. "I'll know that he's had an adverse reaction to the meds if that happens." He teased playfully, leaving them to it.

Edward sighed again but with a sense of satisfaction this time, seeing that his father was thankfully regaining some of his good humor.

"Would you like to tell me what exactly he said to you earlier?" Esme probed as Edward bent forward to look over some of the papers she had before them once they were alone.

"You're gonna have to ask him." He shook his head sadly, "I will tell you that the more I think about it though, the more I'm convinced that his mention of Bella is what made me response so…_poorly_."

"You really do love her." His mother agreed, no hesitation or questioning tone present in her voice. She was thoroughly convinced that Edward was being honest and truly felt this strongly for the girl.  
Knowing that he was finally able to see the merit of love and companionship was such a relief—his willingness to come to her with such wonderful news that he'd like to move back and be near her, and in turn his family, was more than she would have ever expected.

Edward smiled a little but didn't confirm or deny the truth of that statement since it wasn't really necessary to say it again.

"Which of these is closest to Alice and Bella's place?" he asked instead, gesturing to the mess of listings in front of them—then with a bit more of his shyness coming through, he added a moment later, "I really don't need much, but I want to make sure that whatever we find, _you'll_ be able to approve of it as well."

Esme's smile couldn't get any bigger as she hugged her son to thank him for his thoughtful consideration, her excitement threatening to reach Alice-like proportions if she wasn't careful.

"Darling, if I thought that Bella would be okay with it, I'd gladly let you live in a cardboard box if that's what you wanted. Just so long as I know you'd be happy." She assured him.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: *giggle* I almost feel bad about this one, but I really just can't help myself sometimes ;)

Chapter 24

"Omg Bella, I'm so happy to see you."

"Seriously Alice? Did you just say _o.m.g._, really?" Bella shook her head at her best friend's subtle use of a pop culture uber-acronym.

"Just because you and your English-lit loving, nerdiness can't get with the hip lingo don't hate on those of us that…"

"Whatever. Do you have time to step out for some lunch?" Bella interrupted with a chuckle, watching Alice attempt several ghetto inspired poses as she rambled on about her positive stance on the abuse of modern language.

"If I must." Alice sighed as if it would be such a hassle.

"Yes, you must." Bella responded, "I'm literally swimming in caffeine and if I don't eat soon I'm probably going to have an aneurysm."

"Well shit, Edward would never forgive me if I let anything like that happen so I'll just go grab my purse."

"You do that." Bella smirked as she turned away, busying herself by flicking through some of the clothing Alice had hanging on a nearby rack.

_No, no, never, not in this lifetime, eh not a bad color but way too short…  
_Bella was no expert, but she was able to decide rather quickly that there was apparently a significant lack of clothing in the designer world for the likes of a common girl. Even on her best day she could never see herself even attempting to wear any of this stuff.

"You know I have that blue number in your size—arrived just last week." Alice pointed out upon her return.

"Oh yeah? Go ahead and set it aside then, so that maybe I can be buried in it; cause there's this little saying about something happening and a_ dead body_ and I'm telling you now that's the only way this side of hell you'd get me into such a thing—ever." Bella laughed.

"Its not a _thing_, it's called a dress. Some of us girls actually enjoy wearing them occasionally." Alice explained as she followed Bella out of the store with a playful skip in her step.  
Oh, how she'd missed getting her daily dose of the wonderfully, sarcastic banter that Bella was capable of.

"Yes, I have quite a few of them, thanks to this pushy little fashionista I happen to know, but the ones that I have suit me a lot better than that." Bella continued on with their normal, playful back and forth as they walked the three doors down to their favorite little lunch spot.

"Well I hear that the new man in your life just so happens to have an outstanding new wardrobe courtesy of one such fashionista, so you know, it wouldn't hurt to beef up your own." Alice grinned, smelling victory as she saw her friend begin to blush at the exact moment their usual waitress, Christy, delivered two glasses of water and their preferred midday appetizer of spinach dip and pita wedges as they were settling in. Bella wasn't about to take the bait however and clam up this time.

"The new man in my life is utterly gorgeous no matter what he wears and he's told me that he just so happens to _love_ me, just the way that I am." Bella raised an eyebrow in challenge once they were alone again.  
Her boldness may have come from the realization that Alice had managed to give her a wonderful idea just now without even knowing it. She didn't have much time to dwell on the happy discovery though, as Alice always liked to demand every bit of her attention.

"First of all…Ew, that's my brother." She'd stated rather calmly, "and secondly—He TOLD You?! When?!"

Bella giggled at her response, knowing that Alice was the one person she could always count on to be _super_ excited for her, when the circumstances called for it.

"Yesterday afternoon actually," she sighed now, reviling in the happiness that the moment had brought them and the new meaning suddenly overwhelming their relationship, "after he'd decided to play his piano for me."

"Omg, that's so sweet." Alice fawned over Bella's story as she continued to give her a few more details, though they were rather vague to preserve what amount of privacy they desired.

"Omg." Bella couldn't help but agree with a wistful sigh, though there was a laugh that held a bit of amusement this time to accompany it.

"Don't mock me you silly woman; this is incredible news and I'm so frickin' happy for you both!" Alice bounced around in her seat. "Wait a minute…if he didn't tell you how he felt until after the little concert, then what was with all the gropey giggle-fest when you first got to the house? And I never did get to address the whole _sleeping_ arrangement issue with you." Alice suddenly recalled, a very stern tone making its way into her voice despite her goofy smile that was still ever-present.

"That's because you were too busy giving Edward a hard time over it and there was NO groping going on." She defended. "We're nowhere near a groping stage, yet."

"As in you'd like to grope my brother at some point?" Alice playfully scrunched up her nose.

"Again with the Ew?" Bella chuckled.

"Yeah, Ew." Alice let her bell-like laughter loose. "This sucks, you know that? Here you are finally in a position and willing to do the giddy 'oh my god, I've well and truly fallen for a guy' talk and I'm stuck dealing with this _yuck_ factor every time I have to think about it being Edward." She pouted despite her giggles.

There was a lot of laughing together as always, while Bella filled Alice in on the remaining information she felt comfortable sharing, such as Edward being fully aware of the ordeal she'd faced and how understanding he was, which gave Bella the opportunity to officially thank Alice for looking out for her best interests so early on. She also went on to say that Edward was apparently hoping to take her _out_ on a date at some point, which naturally sent Alice into another frenzy of excitement. She could hardly believe that he'd be willing to take such a huge step, and so soon. But she was undeniably proud that he would try so hard for someone as special to her as Bella was. Speculation ran from something as simple as an afternoon movie to something as formal and overdone as dinner and dancing.

"Dancing? Are you kidding me?" Bella had nearly choked on a tomato.

"Not really," Alice said looking sort of devious as she glanced around and quieted her voice, "See I had this moment as a kid where I was convinced that I was going to be some sort of ballroom dancer. I think it was some kind of Disney/Prince Charming induced fantasy…but anyway, Mom and Dad were really pretty good at it, since they had to go do so many functions when we were younger—you know schmoozing the hospital types and stuff. Mom figured it was harmless so she let me take lessens for a while, but when I was home Dad wasn't always around and eventually, I kinda forced Edward to let Mom and Dad teach him how so that I'd have a way that I could practice whenever I wanted."

"You forced your poor, painfully shy brother to learn how to dance because you decided that you needed someone to practice with?" Bella sighed. "I'm still surprised that Edward hasn't disposed of your body off the side of a cliff or something by now; it would totally be justifiable homicide you know."

"He's really quite good, you'll have to get him to dance with you sometime." Alice smirked, ignoring Bella's distaste for the fact that she would _force_ Edward to do anything. In her opinion it was a necessary evil at times, in order to make him see just what he might be capable of.

"Yeah, I'll pass. Clumsy, remember?" Bella self-consciously shook her head.

On that note, Bella was just about ready to head home; she had another phone call to make and quick stop to pick up a little something for Edward left on her agenda today and she was anxious to get things moving again. Her chat with Alice had been just what she'd needed, a little time to relax and just enjoy the idea of really having someone special in her life. She was even able to decide just what sort of surprise she wanted to get for Edward without even having to really ask his sister—bonus!

"K, the four of us tomorrow night—horribly unhealthy take-out and a movie." Alice reminded her with one last hug as Bella left her at the door of the shop so that she could get back to work and Bella could finish the rest of her errands.

"You got it. Jasper's choice on the take-out, he always picks the best places." Bella agreed with a little wave.

"That's because my man is brilliant." Alice winked.

"Oh yeah, _your_ man is brilliant?" Bella raised an eyebrow and Alice couldn't help but laugh, catching on right away. "Yeah, yeah, you and your genius, whatever."

Meanwhile Edward wasn't feeling nearly as intelligent as all that. He was busy trying to move on to the rest of his own list of objectives for the day, however there were a few minor issues coming into play. Seeing as his mother hadn't been able to allow them very much time on their own yet, he and his father had only been able to address Edward's newly recognized anxiety problem thus far and with sporadic interruptions at that.

Carlisle had always been suspicious that Edward suffered from some degree of anxiety disorder, but with his son always being so reluctant to talk about how he felt and what it was that was really bothering him most times, he'd never been able to pursue any sort of firm diagnosis. And though Edward had experienced many awkward moments during his childhood that his father had been privy to, he'd never before witnessed the type of attack that Edward had been made to deal with earlier in the day. However, with the extent of his problems out in the open now, Carlisle felt that it was his responsibility to ask a few questions and offer what advice he could on the matter.

Edward's predilection for introspective analysis made it quite easy for him to explain his take on the matter, since he was finally willing to seek a real solution. He was able to give his father a very clear and concise summary of his main concerns, and although his situation was quite unique by comparison to the usual complaints that most anxiety patients would list, Carlisle was reasonably confident that Edward could overcome many of his issues through holistic or therapeutic means, as opposed to harsher treatments involving medication or extensive reconditioning, thanks to a few well placed phone calls that he'd made. With both men pleased by this discovery they were now ready to move on to the next topic at hand.

Carlisle's mention of Sarah Montgomery, during their discussion, had given Edward a good place to start in terms of addressing his fears about this relationship with Bella and he had been trying to slowly broach the subject over the past half hour, however Esme, being in full blown real estate/hyper mother mode, kept having to interrupt before they could seem to get anywhere.

His mother had released him once they'd mutually agreed upon looking in to five potential properties in the area, figuring that Edward could easily spend some time alone relaxing with his father while she started the tedious process of making phone calls, but in her excited haste to get the ball rolling, she hadn't counted on the long list of information they'd still need to consider when narrowing down his choices.

Esme initially popped in, as Carlisle was explaining some of the known methods that many people with panic and anxiety issues had found quite helpful in recent times, wondering if Edward intended to house anything other than his car at the new place to begin with, as one neighborhood had restrictions on the visibility of cars, boats or lawn equipment. Next time she came around, it was when she had suddenly thought to inquire about electrical upgrades that might be necessary due to his line of work, seeing as one house, although rather charming, was quite old and likely not up to even the regular standards of today's construction.

Carlisle couldn't help but indulge his wife, since she was so driven to do whatever necessary to make this process as easy as possible for Edward—considering his every need and desire as she worked to find him a place that he could call his own within an environment that was so drastically different from what he'd come to know. However, he was prepared to pull the plug on this endless stream of questions and distractions at any moment if Edward gave even the slightest indication that all the attention was starting to get to him, but happily he seemed to be handling everything quite calmly. What he didn't know was that while Edward didn't mind answering his mother's questions, he was having a terrible time staying focused. He still needed to work up the courage to really take in what all his father was trying to tell him and likewise he couldn't seem to find the right words anymore to really ask the advice he'd truly come to seek. His body was feeling weak and sore following the adverse reaction he'd had to his father's little joke and his head wasn't really enjoying the constant flood of noise all this talking had created.

It was finally when she'd come back a third time, apologizing profusely for yet another interruption, but wanting to know if he would like for her to have it arranged so that the piano he had here could be shipped to whichever place he might decide upon, thereby creating a need to make sure that there was indeed room enough to accommodate such a large item, that Edward's father felt the need to speak up. He didn't know what it was exactly, but he'd finally seen something akin to discomfort in Edward's expression even with his kind reply.

"What would I play for you when I came to visit if the piano was over at my place?" Edward had asked his mother in response, rather innocently despite his grin, which made his mother's eyes shine with delight.

"Hon, Edward and I do have a few important things to discuss of our own and all of the questions aren't really helping us make any headway." Carlisle finally informed her, with a kind smile. "How about give us half an hour—you can make a list of anything else you need Edward's input on and we'll all sit down and go over it together in a little while."

She agreed readily and smiled once again already busy dialing another number on her way back to the living room.

"Come on, Son. Let's take a walk. The fresh air will do us both some good and it'll put a bit of distance between us and your mother." Carlisle offered, knowing that the more privacy he could offer Edward the more comfortable he'd be—the more secure he'd feel.

Just as they'd stood to leave the confines of Carlisle's study, he'd reached into his desk drawer and retrieved an old tattered length of rope, measuring about eight inches and tossed it to Edward. Edward had to smile and shook his head a bit, while examining the stress-relieving tool his father had generously thought to implement so long ago during his childhood.

During his research Carlisle had found that many doctors believed, providing something that might allow a bit of physical distraction could greatly reduce the amount of anxiety one might feel in certain situations. Psychiatrists and Psychologists had been using this technique for ages and with his father recognizing at such a young age that Edward was already attempting to handle his own discomfort in such a way, by fiddling and fidgeting with his clothing in most cases, he'd offered the bit of rope as an alternative means, during any discussion they might have attempted to pursue back then.

"Take it easy on that." Carlisle teased, "Don't know how it'll hold up after all these years, but I figured it might come in handy anyway."

By the same token, his mother's enthusiasm may have forced this change of scenery, but Carlisle was also convinced after spending his morning thinking, analyzing, and making calls to colleagues, that giving Edward and open area to roam and as many distractions as possible would actually go a long way in keeping him comfortable and relaxed enough to talk.  
As they made it outside however, and Carlisle noticed how Edward was already starting to twist and pull at the rope, chewing on his lower lip in thought and he suddenly wondered if maybe he'd need a little something to fiddle with himself. Call it intuition, but Carlisle was concerned that he was somewhat unprepared for whatever Edward was worrying over.

"You know about Bella's ordeal—that she went through before she met Ally?" Edward probed a bit at first, deciding to lead into this conversation by gathering some information.

"I take it by your asking, you know of it as well?" Carlisle returned.

Edward nodded to acknowledge him.

"It still bothers her a lot—so much so that she's recently gone back to see Dr. Montgomery." Edward scratched at the side of his face and rubbed his forehead a little, "So I figure you'll understand when I say that I'm uhh…sort of upset by the way that I sometimes..._react_ in her presence?"

Heaven help him. Carlisle had already thanked his lucky stars that he hadn't had to have this conversation with his son several years ago, when it began to seem that he was never going to have to. He was particularly relieved after seeing how unnerving the experience had been for Esme, after she'd felt the need to speak with Alice about this type of topic at one time. And for some reason, though he was nervous about what he would want to talk about, when Edward had mentioned earlier that he'd like to ask him a few things, he never thought it would be this.

In all honesty though, he was proud that Edward thought so highly of Bella that he would see a need to come to him for advice, when by all accounts, in this day and age, considering his penchant for learning, he could easily find some outside, anonymous source to quiz about the facts of life. However, sure as he had been that this talk might never take place, Carlisle was a touch uncertain as to how he might handle this all of a sudden.

First and foremost Carlisle was a gentleman, he didn't kiss and tell, and he could never encourage his son to do anything that might be disrespectful to a woman, but he was a man by all accounts and he unfortunately had a sense of humor, just like most. He could never bring himself to give his boy a firm slap on the back and say something as simple as "go get 'em tiger," and like wise he sure as hell couldn't just drop a stack of porn in his lap to encourage research; but there was still no guarantee that he'd manage discussing this subject without a few problems censoring his thoughts on the matter if he were to keep it honest. He knew how sensitive Edward was and how pronounced that sensitivity seemed where Bella was concerned, thanks to his little slipup earlier. Now with Edward seeking some sort of help, Carlisle felt the need to warn him up front.

"I can see where you're coming from and I want to help in anyway that I can." His father thought to tell him first, then he went on to explain that he was going to have to bear with him during any attempted explanations. At which point Edward had conceded that his father could chose however he thought it might be best to impart what wisdom he had to share.

"I have to warn you, Edward that if we're going to talk openly about what I think you're getting at, I may have to give you some really random analogies I'm afraid; and I need you to remember that there's no way to really sugarcoat the truth sometimes." Carlisle took deep breath pushing his hands into his pockets, much the same way that his son had a tendency to do. He was still beating himself up to a degree over having been the cause of Edward's most recent attack, thanks to his unthinking words. With proof that he was not as infallible as many would believe, Carlisle was indeed a bit nervous to pursue such a potentially troublesome subject at the moment.

"Whatever you think is best." Edward chuckled a little, still busy twisting and turning the short section of braided rope around his fingers.  
He could see many of his nervous tendencies manifesting in his father and he was nervous enough himself to find that realization somewhat funny.

"You're sure you're comfortable hearing what I may have to say? Because if you're truly seeking my opinion, this isn't going to be some sort of medical lecture about anatomy and physiology." His father still worried wanting Edward to understand fully.

"I wouldn't be comfortable talking with anyone else," Edward confessed, though he wasn't certain at all, "and I'm way out of my element as it is; if I thought _a road map_ was all I'd need to get my answers I would have already tried that."

Carlisle nodded easily, unable to prevent the little smile of amusement that emerged hearing Edward's confidence in his ability to help him and his willingness to suffer through the possible discomfort.

"Well, falling in love with a woman who has been hurt the way that Bella has definitely makes things a bit more complex. So, I'm quite proud of you for obviously feeling some concern." He started of with a heavy sigh.

Edward nodded a bit staring down at his feet as they continued to walk at a rather slow pace across the backyard.

"To calm your nerves a bit about the original issue…" Carlisle cleared his throat a little; "it's important to remember that being around a beautiful woman is _difficult_ for most men."

"All the time?" Edward questioned without thinking, stressing the fact that his main concern was the frequency at which he'd have these feelings.

"Unfortunately, for some." His father shrugged a little.

Edward sighed and kept walking a bit further. He didn't say anything but Carlisle could practically see the wheels turning and he gently asked what else was bothering him.

"Well, I was hoping, I guess, to umm…ask you…" Edward was trying to find the right words, while repeatedly reminding himself how much he wanted the reassurance and wisdom of his father, for Bella's sake, "I'm scared that I won't know when the time is right…or if that time comes, I'm worried that…I umm…you know, I won't be able to…"

"Edward," Carlisle calmly put a stop to his babbling, as he was already able to grasp the gist of what he was saying well enough by then. Edward had been doing well up until he had to start putting his questions out there in for consideration. Uncertain as his father might be, he wasn't going to make things any harder for Edward than they had to be.

"First off, you need to know that every man, and I don't care who they are or what they say, feels incredibly awkward and unsure of themselves at first. But you have a distinct advantage over most, in that you are already in love and you know it." Carlisle encouraged. "Secondly, the fact that Bella would want to share her past with you is a good indicator that she may want to pursue something further with you; she also knows of your inexperience?"

Edward was still twisting and turning the frayed bit of rope as they walked, his head bent down, paying close attention to everything his father had to say. The question however, made him stop and consider how he might answer. Embarrassed and feeling a mix of other unwelcome emotions suddenly he chose to nod his head rather than speak, hoping that his father wouldn't feel a need to push for information. Thankfully he'd just nodded as well and kept on walking.

"Now, as far as being sure? Well, you could always talk about it with her, but I know that seems terribly unromantic." Carlisle sighed a moment later, practically thinking out loud. "But, in terms that I think you might understand even better—consider an animal searching for a mate. There are certain signs and signals the male and female will give off when they are ready and willing, no?" Carlisle felt like he'd just had some stroke of genius. This didn't have to be so difficult, he just had to remember how smart his son was and what Edward was comfortable with. "Instinct plays a major role in the animal world and when a man and woman come together _your_ instinct will be what truly guides you."

"I'd never thought about it like that." Edward conceded a hint of admiration in his soft voice.

"But…" Edward swallowed thickly, a few minutes later as his father was still basking in his moment of success. "until that time comes…how can I umm…handle the…_waiting_ any better?"

Carlisle shook his head sadly. "There really is no good answer for that." And unfortunately he didn't have an easy way to soften what he might suggest. "You can try distraction techniques…take care of it on your own, of course, or as you and Bella grow closer and become more comfortable with one another, there are other means of relief outside of traditional intercourse." He said it all in a rush trying hard not to cringe as he waited for whatever sort of reaction his son might have to such suggestions.

Edward had stopped walking again halfway through that explanation and stood staring off at nothing. As soon as his father had noticed that he was no longer at his side, he paused as well, worrying that he'd perhaps said too much, that he'd officially gone beyond Edward's comfort level.

"I'm sorry to be so blunt, it's just that…well, you only have so many types of people when it comes to relationships. There are those that have very little inhibition and feel some level of comfort with anything and any partner. And there are those that choose to remain celibate—usually for moral reasons or some sense of responsibility and then there are those that fall into the larger majority. They are the ones that find some sort of balance in between." Carlisle paused to make sure that Edward was still following his train of thought and sighed a bit before he got to the point.  
"It seems as though your attraction to Bella eliminates the second grouping as a possible standpoint for yourself, but your shyness will obviously keep you from joining the first. It's just an assumption to put you in that last category by default and assuming that you'd want to pursue _something_ with Bella demands that you consider your options."

Edward tucked the old rope into his back pocket and then proceeded to push his hands through his hair, appearing rather frustrated. His father waited patiently, wanting to avoid any situation where he might exacerbate the problem.

"I've never thought about…_this_ so much before." Edward was practically whispering as he shoved both hands into his pockets and stood, slightly hunched over, with his head hanging low. "I can't stop thinking of her and no matter how much I want to remain cautious and respectful…I don't know that I can always control myself."

Carlisle smiled as he felt his confidence growing. This was the man that he and Esme had raised their son to be and he couldn't be any more proud of him than he was at that moment.

"If you can't always trust yourself, Son, then trust Bella to know what is right, and trust that your love for her is stronger than whatever desire is trying to force your hand."

Edward's mood appeared to be clearing and a bit of a smile started to pull at his lips, while Carlisle continued to wait.

"I always thought that I got my intellect from Mom." He teased after a moment.

"You got your looks from your mother, you got _everything_ else from me." Carlisle chuckled, pulling the rope from Edward's back pocket. "I actually might need to borrow this for a while, if you're feeling okay now?" he added, wrapping the length of rope around his fist, much the same way that Edward would.

Edward playfully punched his father in the shoulder and thought to tease him a bit.  
"I know it sucks to have to talk with your exceedingly pathetic twenty-five year old son about this type of thing, but I can promise you I'd gladly take your end of this conversation any day."

"You're far from pathetic, Edward." Carlisle refused to acknowledge such a self-deprecating remark. "I'm happy to help, but just keep in mind…you take what I've said here today to heart and do with it what you will, but you ever forget how wonderful Bella is and I will personally remind you that you once thought highly enough of the girl to make me suffer through this."

"There's little worry that I'll forget, but I do understand." Edward assured him.

"Good. Let's go get some coffee in you so that we can handle whatever else your mother has come up with and then we can send you on your way."

"I knew it." Edward shook his head, trying to hide another smile, "I really managed to freak you out, didn't I? You're trying to get rid of me." He couldn't help but laugh.

"You were the one wanting to get home to Bella." He responded, using the bit of rope to reach out and tag Edward on the back of his arm.

"Ouch." Edward pulled an exaggerated face, holding onto his arm.

"Wuss." Carlisle chuckled.

"Don't make me tell Mom." Edward playfully threatened.

Carlisle just shrugged and took a moment to assess his son's mood. Deciding it was as good a time as any he figured, why not.

"Go ahead, I sort of enjoy your mother's brand of _punishment_ from time to time." He smirked in rather unaffected manner.

"Shut up!" Edward demanded covering his ears, "That's just too…Gah!"

Carlisle was busy laughing his ass off, seeing that Edward had such a normal, even tempered, all be it funny reaction to hearing such a thing. It went a long way towards encouraging Carlisle that perhaps Edward was indeed going to be able to handle this anxiety thing after all.

"If you were looking to give me an image that is guaranteed to make my lustful thoughts take a backseat, congratulations." Edward shook his head as his body shivered at the thought.

He may have responded to such an unwelcome remark from his father appropriately enough and at the time Edward had even been rather proud of himself, but now with time to dwell on what all had been said and what all he now had to consider, on the drive back to Bella's, Edward was feeling a tad overwhelmed.

His father made sense and he had touched on ideas and information that Edward had not thought of to this point on his own, making him feel comfortable enough to deem the father-son talk a success of sorts. What he had to do now was put these ideas and suggestions into practice and decide what if anything he and Bella might need to discuss before his needs sought to control his actions with any more frequency. Consumed as he was in his own worries for now, he hadn't thought to consider that Bella may very well be on the same page and actively seeking further advice from those she could trust, in order to help.

Bella had been wandering through the men's department of a local 'buy anything you could ever want' store when she got a call back from Dr. Montgomery.

"So sorry I missed you earlier, dear. What can I do for you?" she'd asked right away, when Bella managed to get her selections set aside long enough to retrieve her phone and answer.

"No worries, I was just calling to let you know phase one is completed and successful all the way around." Bella happily informed her.

"Oh my, that's wonderful. You sure didn't waste any time." There was some surprise and a bit of a question mixed into her comment.

"I really couldn't help that…after I spoke with you before, I finally felt like I had a real direction to go and I was eager to make some sense of things." Bella explained.

"I can understand that." She agreed, before asking the next most obvious question. "Well, would you like to discuss a few things over the phone, or would you like to make time to see me in a few days?"

"I'd really like to see you if that's okay." Bella requested immediately, "I sort of…well, I've got a whole other set of questions that have come to mind that might take some time and I think I'd feel better...or more comfortable I guess if we could take our time with those."

"Absolutely." Dr. Montgomery told her.

Bella agreed to meet up with her on the day after tomorrow and thanked her for being so kind when she'd offered to meet with her in Port Angeles to save her a trip back to Forks right away. It seemed that Dr. Montgomery had an arrangement with the hospital in Port Angeles and could procure an office space when needed, if she was asked to consult with a patient or a particular case as needed, so Bella had agreed to meet her there, but stubbornly insisted that she wouldn't make her take the drive for every one of their meetings. She'd want to go and visit Charlie on occasion anyway, so she'd just plan those trips around when she was planning to schedule her appointments from now on.

That settled, they had said farewell and Bella had decided she was ready to head home.

Edward wouldn't want her to go crazy over this little surprise anyway so she talked herself into keeping things simple. It was Alice's excitement over all of Edward's new clothing that had made up her mind after all; and remembering that he'd once said that he could easily get by with only a few essentials, she'd only allowed herself to pick out a few t-shirts, similar to the ones he obviously preferred, and a simple non-descript hoodie.

Much like herself, Edward felt like clothes were meant to be comfortable and functional. The selections that Alice had made for him were fine, but he had complained on more than one occasion already that he wished she'd thought to buy him a few extra things that one might deem casual—t-shirts and something warm to lounge about the house in were at the top of his most wanted list.

She was pleased that she had gotten to open most of the packages that had arrived last week, thereby making her privy to his sizes, which in turn made her doubly excited to be able to surprise him with her thoughtful little present.

He had been so wonderful to her over the past few days that she wanted to do something more than simply say 'thank you' for what would seem like the millionth time. He was so willing to do so much, so that she might know how much he loved her that Bella wanted to return the favor, Alice's wrath be damned.

"Hey Baby, you home?" Edward had called as he let himself into the house having seen that Bella's truck was already parked out front. He frowned slightly noticing several boxes of printing paper stacked near the staircase leading down to her bedroom almost immediately.

"Hi," she chirped happily, coming out of the kitchen to greet him, pausing as she saw his expression.

"I just brought them in out of the truck; I was totally waiting for you to help take them down." She assured him with a little smirk, seeing his obvious dislike for the fact that she didn't wait for him to take care of it in the first place.

Edward smiled and took a deep breath, knowing that his overprotective nature was, as always, a bit over the top.

"So, I see you got some more work." He mentioned, instead of allowing himself to obsess over his role within this relationship.

"Tons." She informed him, wrapping her arms around his waist, unable to wait any longer for some type of contact. "I shouldn't need to go back in until next week at this rate." She grinned.

"I like the sound of that." He smiled back at her, bending to capture her lips in a quick welcome home kiss.

"Umm…I got you something on my way home." She decided to go ahead and break the news, while his mood was obviously on an upswing. Her hands resting upon his chest as they were could tell that his heart was certainly onboard with whatever she had in mind.

"You didn't have to get me anything." He mentioned, though his smile and the way that his eyes were alight with curiosity certainly said something entirely different, which made Bella's heart respond with a little victory dance.

"It's not much, just a little something I figured you might appreciate until you are able to firm up your plans for moving." She promised, as she handed over the bag she'd picked up along with everything else to serve as gift-wrap.

Edward gave her an amused look as he glanced at the outside of the bag and saw that it was indeed a child's "Lion King" themed gift bag.

"Funny." He chuckled, before reaching in to find his new comfy wear, appreciating how she'd managed to smile and blush at the same time.

"I just thought that maybe…" she didn't get to finish her explanation as Edward dropped the bag in favor of pulling her back into his embrace.

"I love you!" he declared, his happy laughter vibrating his chest as he lifted her up, to accommodate his height, still hugging her tightly.

With a quick kiss on her cheek he set her back down and reached into the bag, while unbuttoning the next two buttons of the shirt he wore. Before Bella could gather what he was doing he'd pulled his shirt off—up and over his head without bothering to unfasten the rest of his buttons and tossed it aside, in favor of slipping on the blue t-shirt that was on top.

"Well?" he wondered, holding his hands out as if to ask what she thought of his new look.

"You look like my Edward." She grinned reaching up to remove the tag still hanging from the collar, attempting to smooth down his hair in the process.

"Tell your Edward what he can make his Baby for supper to say thank you." he requested, placing his hands about her waist, encouraging her to step closer.

"Your Baby isn't hungry right now…for food anyways." Bella promised, placing her hands against his chest once again, her head tilting up to look upon his nearing smile.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: It was just meant to be a little something fun, but who knew that what amounts to probably about an hour's worth of time could provide enough happenings to create an entire chapter? I suppose that's what happens when you finally let E&B have a little time alone ;)

Chapter 25

Edward wasn't sure how safe it would be to turn his brain off for a few seconds so that he could just enjoy the feeling for a while, but he was undeniably eager to know if his instincts could be trusted all of a sudden. And he'd known on some level that the talk he'd just had with his father this afternoon was going to prove necessary at some point, urging him to seek out the advice he desired sooner rather than later, but he would have never guessed that sooner would be _now_.

He'd kissed her lightly, the same as he had always done before. Initially it was just meant to be another thank you for her thoughtful gift, but with her impassioned words of encouragement it had suddenly become an unknowing attempt to satisfy this _hunger_ she'd expressed.

Slowly yet firmly her hands had begun to move against his chest, rubbing a small pattern from his shoulders down to the top of his abdomen and back up again. Unexpectedly, the sweet taste of her lips combined with the feel of her touch left his body begging for something more. Edward forced himself to pull away however, in favor of holding her, when he realized that he could feel her hands shaking ever so slightly as she cautiously went about exploring him. He would never deny her the pleasure she sought, but he'd refuse to press her beyond what she felt comfortable with—since he was indeed beginning to crave whatever _more _might signify.

"Edward," she said his name so quietly that he would have never heard it if he hadn't been so focused on everything she was doing right now.  
He hummed a little to acknowledge her, unable to trust that he wouldn't embarrass himself were he to open his mouth, particularly with the way that his eyes were already threatening to close of their own accord, the amazing feel of her hands as they continued to familiarize themselves with his upper body making his potential response unknown.

No matter how much she wanted to, Bella couldn't seem to look directly at him, so instead she let her gaze stay focused on his chest and on her hands, which were still happy to roam about, discovering the pleasant contours of his strong, muscled torso.

"What is it?" he asked eventually, when she hadn't said anything else—his curiosity unable, or perhaps unwilling to wait.

Bella was trying to figure out how to say or ask for what it was she wanted, but every way she thought to mention it felt so awkward or inadequate. Finally deciding to avoid words altogether she attempted a deep, calming breath and let her right hand descend to the hem of his t-shirt. She looked up briefly and saw that Edward was relaxed yet curious, so she proceeded to slowly let her hand slip up underneath his shirt, only pausing once she'd come in contact with his invitingly warm skin. The muscles of his stomach quivered a bit, but he never pulled away nor did he indicate that he was too uncomfortable with her touch for her to continue.

His body was just so extraordinarily beautiful that Bella couldn't seem to help herself. She didn't want to make things difficult for him, but she was so selfishly intrigued by the soft feel of his skin, the subtle definition of his shape and the way his muscles would move and flex; and of course there was the pleasant tickle from the hair lightly covering much of his body as it came in contact with her brave little hand.

"Is this okay?" she hesitantly asked—her voice breathless and barely controlled.

Edward placed a hand to the side of her face and gently encouraged her to look up at him. He smiled a lazy little smile and bent to kiss each corner of her mouth.

"It feels amazing," he sighed.

"You're just so…" Bella still didn't have the right words to describe just how attractive she found him. Handsome sounded quite dull for some reason and beautiful didn't really seem appropriate for the type of man he was, but to say that he was beyond sexy was way outside of their combined comfort zones.

"In love with you." He completed her thought with a cocky little smirk, hoping to save her the trouble of struggling for what he had to assume was going to be something that would likely to end up embarrassing the both of them.

Bella smiled shyly and chuckled a bit as Edward again lowered his head to take yet another kiss. He first kissed her upper lip, then the lower one, taking it gently between both of his, applying just enough pressure to make her heart skip a beat as she felt the tip of his tongue just barely come in contact with her. She had no choice but to let the surprised moan of pleasure escape, but she panicked slightly when Edward chose that very moment to pull away.

"Please." She sighed immediately, moving both her hands from their previous locations to take hold of his face, physically begging for him to do that again.

His kiss was as usual tentative and gentle, but Bella wanted more. Mimicking, what was possibly the unconscious way that Edward had let his mouth caress her lips, Bella took the initiative and pulled his lower lip gently between hers, letting her tongue delicately taste the smooth, moistened skin just below his bottom lip. He'd shaved this morning but she could still feel a small amount of his new beard growth prickle against the tip of her tongue and not knowing how else to proceed, she was happy to linger there for a moment and enjoy it.

Surprising her with his reaction, Bella giggled slightly when his strong arms latched on to her so tightly, his mouth immediately repositioning to return the pleasurable favor. He kissed her hard this time—their bodies coming together in the same manner as their lips.  
A moment later she heard rather than felt him remove her glasses, apparently along with his own, when they both clattered to the floor somewhere nearby, just before his hand settled firmly against the side of her face once again, his fingers pushing into her hair as he finally let his tongue slip fully into her mouth, introducing her body to a whole new world of sensation.  
And god, he tasted wonderful—like coffee and mint, mixed with that fabulous scent that Bella could never seem to describe, but that she knew was the very essence of Edward. She let her arms move around behind him, one hand splayed against his back, the other fisted into the material of his shirt, her body pressed flush against him, so that she could feel the rumble in his chest and hear the slightest whimper escape him when he attempted to break away, but she refused to allow it. Her knees were becoming weak and her head was swimming, but he continued to hold her so tightly that she had no fear of falling; and though she could tell that his control was limited now, she wasn't worried. This was Edward after all—he would take care of her above all else.

The feeling was just too intense and the taste was so intoxicating that she couldn't let the moment end and he seemed to agree as he once again deepened the kiss; his hands looking for better purchase, moving from her face to her shoulders, across her back and down to her hips—his fingers curling into the fabric of her loose fitting trousers, pulling her lower body closer.

"Jesus, Bella." He grunted with great restraint, as he finally had to come up for air, his head instantly moving to rest upon her shoulder, his labored breathing hot against her neck. He was trying desperately to figure out how in the world he'd let this happen, fearful of just how out of control he felt.  
Edward's heart rate was beating erratically and he had this relentless tightening in his lower abdomen that was threatening to turn him inside out. There was no need to look or feel, to know just what that kiss had done to him and he was terrified suddenly of having Bella so close.  
He let his hands slowly release her, caressing her body in reverse order until he finally let them rest upon her shoulders, lightly kissing her forehead as he straightened to his full height.

"Don't." Bella had simply requested when she realized that he was trying to calmly sever their embrace. She gently took one of his hands and placed his palm against her chest so that he could feel her heart racing.

"Still not scared." She promised softly—timidly.

"I know Baby, but…I need a second." He sighed.

Bella reached up and let her thumb trace along his lower lip, swollen and reddened from their kissing, and also sighed.

"I'm…not sorry," she chuckled once—a sort of humorless moment to show the level of disappointment she had in her self, "I've been sort of umm…" Bella was blushing now and had to look away, since Edward seemed so fascinated with whatever was across the room, somewhere behind her.

"Bella," Edward took her hand and gently kissed each of her fingers, "I'm not saying that I'm sorry either, so I don't want you to feel…bad or embarrassed. I really think that I needed that, but…" he took a half a step away, nervously holding her gaze. "I don't know how I'm suppose to uhh…" he'd run out of words now and he was beginning to feel rather self-conscious as he tried to explain his dilemma.  
He didn't want her to think he blamed her for his own lack of control and he refused to acknowledge anything other than shear delight at the experience of _really_ kissing her and of knowing the feel of her touch upon his skin, but he needed her to know that he was still aware enough of himself to say when.

"Sweetheart, I know it's difficult…" Bella glanced down, while looking for the right words to reassure him, but what she found instead was a rather prominent bulge distorting the front of his pants. She blinked twice and discreetly looked at her feet instead, her cheeks radiating an uncomfortable amount of heat in an instant.

"Shit, Edward." She groaned rubbing at her forehead now. Seeing the reality of what he was made to deal with in order to be so close to her was unexpected yet rather eye opening.

"No, Bella." He was quick to correct her assumption. "I don't care about that at all. I just…we're not ready to umm…for so much, just yet…are we?" he cringed at the reappearance of his awkward, stuttering way of speaking.  
He'd never assume to know how Bella was feeling, or what her needs truly were, but he knew, especially after his talk with Carlisle, that he had a few too many questions that still remained unanswered.

Bella urged Edward to follow along, as she gently tugged on his hand. She walked them over to and sat down on the edge of the sofa, encouraging him to do the same. Before saying what was on her mind she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear and placed her other hand lightly atop his knee.

"I love you, Edward and I trust you. The fact that you just pulled away and put an end to something that you felt was getting out of hand only proves that I'm right to put so much faith in you." Bella told him, "but I know that you doubt yourself at times."  
Edward went to speak but Bella calmly shook her head to indicate that she wasn't quite finished.  
"I also know that I've given you a lot to think about over the past couple of days and I know that neither of us really has the knowledge or experience to know what and when or even how this is really suppose to work, but I need you to understand that I'm okay with that part of it."

"Can we maybe make another little promise to one another for now?" Edward timidly inquired when it became obvious that Bella had said all that she felt was necessary for the moment.

He'd never make light of the situation, knowing that his insecurities had possibly saved them both from a very unnecessary moment that they were certainly not ready for, but he couldn't help seeing a bit of humor in the way that it had all started in the first place.  
God, he _was_ just like his father—wasn't he?

"Until we can umm…either find a way to control ourselves or at least get a little more comfortable with all of this, maybe it would be best if you didn't buy me anything that I'd want to _thank_ you for, and umm, in return I'll keep my shirt on, so that you aren't, you know, tempted to touch."  
He was blushing something fierce, but his mouth couldn't help but smile, especially when Bella began to giggle at his silly little attempt to defuse the intensity of their situation.

"No."

He was surprised by her refusal.

"No?" he chuckled.

"No." she said again, still snickering, most likely from the appearance of his adorably confused expression. "I want to do things for you, things that will make you happy—things that will make you want to say thank you, particularly if the thank you's will be anything like that last one."

Edward laughed with her now, the embarrassment she was trying so hard to hide, hovering just beneath the playful little grin she was sporting.

"And," Bella let her eyes wander across his upper body for a brief second, "I _really_ want you to feel comfortable enough around me to do something as simple as change your shirt if you're so inclined."

Edward wanted to go find his glasses all of a sudden; since he was dying to see for himself the type of longing he could hear in her voice. His ego didn't need that kind of encouragement, but he was seriously enjoying it nonetheless.

"Bella, are you saying that you find me attractive in some way?" he teased, ducking his head slightly in a bashful sort of posture.

"Don't play shy with me." Bella protested lightly, crawling up into his lap, cupping is chin so that he'd have to look up. "The man that kissed me a moment ago," she gestured towards the front door with a tilt of her head, "_That_ man isn't nearly as shy as he would lead others to believe." Bella kissed his cheek and snuggled into him with her head resting against his shoulder.

"That's only when I'm with you, Baby." He sighed, letting his arms come around to hold her.

"And Edward?" she said after they'd settled into a comfortable silence. He looked down to indicate she should continue.

"I think that you are the most attractive man I've ever seen." She moved her head so that her face was hidden against his chest, feeling all sorts of uncomfortable finally saying the words for some reason.

"Now look who's being shy." He teased, gently encouraging her to look up at him.  
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was convinced that she must have been pleased by his appearance in some way, but to hear her say as much, out loud and in no uncertain terms, warmed his heart and made him realize once again just how wonderful this woman was.  
He kissed the tip of her nose and looked at her for a moment.

"I'm so glad I found you." He told her.

Bella leaned in to kiss his cheek and sighed with contentment.

They held one another for a while longer, just happy to relax and be together as they were. Edward couldn't help but think about and remember how adamantly he'd once refused the idea of needing companionship and love in his life. Holding Bella like this and feeling so at ease in her presence was such a blessing that despite the uncomfortable moments they'd had together and those that would no doubt still be in their future, he was still able to determine that he'd be willing to attempt almost anything in order to be with her.

Likewise Bella was reminding herself of every little reason she'd never allowed herself to let her guard down and let love find its way into her heart. While thinking of her past she couldn't help but wonder about her future—a future that now seemed to include Edward in every way imaginable. Suddenly that future seemed far more exciting than it had ever been before.

The happy quiet that surrounded them unfortunately came to an abrupt ended when Bella's phone started to ring, enticing her to go and fetch it from where she'd set her things down in the kitchen just before Edward had arrived. Surprisingly, Edward's phone started vibrating in his pocket not a second later. They laughed together and determined that they obviously weren't calling each other as Bella stood up to go retrieve her cell. Edward luckily managed to grab her hand, before she got too far away, so that he could ask rather pitifully who was calling him.  
Fortunately through her laughter he was able to determine that it was his mother, before she dashed off to try and catch whomever it was waiting for her to answer.

A moment later as he was carefully trying to locate wherever their glasses had ended up in his haste to be rid of them, Bella finally emerged from the kitchen with a similar mission in mind.

"Hang on a sec, Mom." Bella requested, tucking the phone into her shoulder as she bent to pick up their glasses, entangled as they were over by the door.

"Sweetheart." She said with a little smirk, holding up his glasses for him to come and get them.

"Thanks," he chuckled a bit, shaking his head at how far off base he was during his search, "I should be more careful next time I suppose." He mentioned, while wrapping his arms around her, seeming to forget about his mother, the fact that he still had her on the line and that the phone was in his hand as he wished to _thank_ Bella once again. She had after all been rather pleased with his last thank you it would seem.

Their lips met briefly and quite audibly, before their tongues happily decided to become involved—Bella moaning and Edward growling in approval for a split second before they both pulled away with a heavy sigh.

"So beautiful," Edward murmured after slipping his glasses back into place. His free hand lightly touching Bella's heated complexion before he turned away, his hand now repeatedly combing through his hair, his head bent forward as he began to listen to whatever his mother had been saying once again.

"Now Edward, you know how much I love you and Bella, but I could never forgive myself if I didn't…" his mother started off by saying as soon as he got back to her, cluing him in on the fact that their little exchange just now, apparently hadn't been the private affair he'd taken it to be.

"Mom, I've already talked to Dad today, in great detail, about Bella and I and I'm not really in a good frame of mind to hear anything else on the subject right now. Just know that I really appreciate your concern, but that we're not at a stage that you need to worry about anything, okay."

There was a pleading tone to his voice that nearly broke Emse's heart. Her goal was never to embarrass or make Edward feel uncomfortable, but she knew how hard he was on himself and her concerns were merely a reflection of that knowledge.

"I understand, Darling; just remember that you have time on your side now and that there is no need to rush anything." She cautiously reminded him.

She was married to his father after all, and as a woman that knew first hand what Carlisle Cullen was capable of, she would never underestimate his son. Bella had been through a lot and Emse felt it was important to remind Edward of that on occasion, since he might be unaware of just how alluring that Cullen charm could be for a woman, regardless of any personal fears she might have.  
Edward may indeed have a good grasp of the situation and she felt sure he had his doubts and insecurities keeping his own desires at bay for now, but she always wanted him to know that as a man, he should strive to protect his lover's heart above all else.

"Does that mean you've found me some houses to look at?" he tactfully redirected the conversation to a more comfortable topic—a sex talk with his father was awkward enough, he certainly wasn't about to encourage such a discussion with his mother sitting at the helm.

"Is Bella free to come with us, if we were to go look at a few things tomorrow afternoon?" she responded easily, leaving well enough alone, having voiced her main concern already.

"I don't think that will be a problem, but hold on and let me ask." He smiled, a sense of excitement suddenly hitting him.

The idea of moving back to Port Angeles had only been a rather fleeting possibility until just yesterday, but now with the idea out in the open and things moving forward so quickly, he was becoming rather eager to make it happen already. Once he had his own place and he was settled into this new lifestyle he felt like all of this would start to seem even more real to him.

Edward would eventually get around to telling Bella about how uncomfortable he'd felt, hearing his mother broach the subject of their relationship, after having obviously overheard the kiss they'd shared, but Bella was convinced that he would have been truly mortified had he been forced to deal with the conversation she was busy having to endure in the very next room. She couldn't get a word in edgewise as Renee seemed content to go on and on with some rather sexually explicit opinions as to how wonderful Edward must be, just basing her views on having heard a few simple words and apparently a little too much appreciation for that ill advised kiss they'd shared a few moments ago.

Even without such fuel to the fire, the awkward restart to their conversation hadn't helped matters at all, as Bella was briefly struck dumb by the unexpected passion of that kiss. She was thinking just prior to it happening that Edward was going to likely insist that they calm some of this physical interaction, but boy had she been wrong. Unable to comprehend just what had taken place she was a little out of sorts watching him step away in favor of chatting with Esme.

"Bella?" she'd heard her mother's voice calling through the phone that was still pressed against her shoulder.

"Sorry Mom, what were you saying? I sort of got distracted there for a minute—couldn't seem to find my glasses."

"From the sound of things, you managed to find _something_ alright." Renee had playfully countered.

As predicted Bella's mother was ecstatic over the news that her daughter had finally met someone she deemed worthy of her love. She had been checking her email this afternoon and when she'd opened the message from Bella, she'd nearly fallen out of her chair from the outrageous surprise awaiting her there. Her baby girl had found love and she was apparently ready to embark on a real relationship with this Edward of hers. Hopes and dreams and wonderful times that they had missed out on as a mother and daughter, because of Bella's reluctance to date suddenly seemed possible once again and Renee didn't want to waste any time. There was advice to give and there were questions to be asked.

"Mom." Bella sighed; a hint of protest in her voice as she was able to catch every bit of the meaning behind her thinly veiled comment.

"I'm just saying…" Her mother continued to tease. "I haven't even set eyes on this boy yet and I can already tell how delicious he is, just from hearing the sound of his voice."

Fortunately she hadn't gotten too far into the predictable sex talk before Edward had cleared his throat in an attempt to gain Bella's attention.  
She was sitting on a stool pulled up to the breakfast bar, her forehead resting in her hand and Edward thought for a moment that she looked sort of tired; but when she looked up to see him waiting, needing to ask something, he noticed how red her face was and how uncomfortable her expression seemed to be.

"Hey Mom, let me get back to you on that." He killed his phone without waiting for a response and motioned for Bella to try and wrap up her conversation as well, concern etched into his every feature now as he went to her side and let his hand settle comfortingly against her back. He was hoping that he wouldn't be disturbing something important when he'd come into the kitchen to find her still on the phone as well and of course he had no way of knowing what Bella's mother was going on about, but he could tell that she was terribly unnerved by the situation, whatever it was.

"Sorry Mom, can I call you back in a minute? Yeah, Edward needs me for something, but I'll call back—promise."

"Everything okay?" he asked softly seeing her toss the phone aside with an audible huff.

"That may have been the most awkward, one-sided discussion I've ever had to endure with my mother." Bella sighed, while shaking her head at some of the randomness her mother was apparently capable of, her fingers attempting to rub some of the tension from her temples.  
She knew that her mother didn't really mean anything by her comments, but she had always been so sensitive to her needs in the past. Bella just couldn't understand it—did finding a man you openly admitted some type of affection for suddenly warrant so much uncensored innuendo?

Edward wrapped his arms around her offering a hug of understanding and sighed as well.  
"I didn't really come in here to make you get off the phone. It was just that you really looked like you might appreciate a little break." He explained, "I did however need to ask if you'd be free to go house hunting with me and Mom tomorrow afternoon."

"Tomorrow?" Surprise was evident in her tone, accompanying the happy little smile that had immediately replaced her worn look from just before.

"That's where I was most of the day…talking with Mom and Dad about my plans." He confessed, a bit of color threatening to suffuse his cheeks, "I umm…" he cleared his throat and chuckled a little, seeing the humor in how nervous he suddenly felt.

Here he was holding a woman in his arms, smiling at how happy her expression had suddenly become when he'd told her that he was making good on intentions he'd shared—and now he was nervous to tell her of his plans? He wanted this woman so badly that he'd actually gone to his father for advice on the matter and just moments ago he'd had his tongue in her mouth for god's sake. One would think that revealing his desire to have her opinion when choosing his new home would be rather easy.

"I'd like for you to go along, if you have the time, since I would really appreciate your help making these decisions."

"Of course." She giggled, throwing her arms around his neck in a celebratory type of hug. "And for the record, Sweetheart," she mentioned after a moment, when she pulled away slightly so that she might look at him, "You are ridiculously adorable when you do that whole thing with your eyes, when you are feeling sort of unsure about something."

"What are you talking about?" he had to laugh.

"I don't know, it's just this look—kind of like you're worried I'm gonna say no even though I can tell you really want whatever it is you're asking for." She tried to explain.

"I know it seems strange to be so nervous, even when I know that I shouldn't be, but it's basically a learned behavior at this point." He tried to explain, taking a seat on the stool next to her now.

"It's not a bad thing; it's just a part of who you are." Bella promised.

"So what did your mother have to say that was so disconcerting? If it was anything like my mother's unnecessary warning, after having overheard my little thank you from before, I can sympathize completely."

He switched gears, not feeling much like talking about his problems after the long morning he'd spent thinking of nothing else. Plus, he somehow knew that whatever Renee must have been bending Bella's ear about had to do with that kiss. He would apologize if she would let him, as it was a totally uncontrolled and unthinking moment on his part, but he knew that he wasn't exactly sorry. The only regret he would ever have over something like that would be if Bella ever indicated that he'd somehow managed to make her overly uncomfortable with the intensity of his affection.

"Actually, she is convinced that you are a very umm…_capable_ young man." Bella was trying her best not to laugh, but she could hardly believe that she was actually telling him this.

"I take it she knows about us?" Edward swallowed, obviously a little surprised by how much information she seemed willing to share.

"She seems to think that she knows more than she does." Bella added, while rolling her eyes for affect.

Nothing else needed to be said as they were suddenly both content to just sit there, leaning against the breakfast bar, thinking over this information, avoiding the return calls they'd promised to make. Everything was so much easier when it was just the two of them—no outside interference, no opinions to consider but their own and no reason to be embarrassed or self-conscious.

Edward looked over when he felt Bella wrap her hand around his bicep and rest her head against his shoulder a few moments later.

"Let's call the moms back. You tell Esme that you and I will be ready whenever tomorrow and I'm gonna tell Renee that my boyfriend is making me a fabulous dinner; so I can't be tied up on the phone all night discussing how wonderful he is."

Edward was beaming with satisfaction, hearing Bella refer to him as her boyfriend for the first time, officially.

"I like this plan, but could you give the boyfriend a little hint as to what this fabulous dinner is suppose to entail?" he wondered.

"I have some eggplant parmesan in the freezer that just needs to be put in the oven." She winked.

"That doesn't sound like it will require an awful lot of effort on my part." He chuckled, "I'd really hate not to live up to this 'wonderful' standard that I've somehow been labeled with."

"We'll think of something for you to do." Bella assured him as she picked up her discarded phone.

She smiled at Edward as she thought about calling her mother back and couldn't help but fall a little bit more in love with him. He was wonderful and whether Renee wanted to talk about sex and relationships or the price of tea in China she couldn't care less; with Edward she knew what they had together was something incredibly special and in her opinion it was only getting better.

They'd talk more tonight, she was sure of it. Edward had changed the subject just a little too quickly when they were speaking of his shyness a moment ago, making her feel like something must be bothering him that they had yet to talk about; but for now she just wanted to enjoy a little more time getting to know this not so shy version of her man.

In the most nonchalant tone she could muster she just could help but suggest, "If nothing else you could always try on the rest of your new t-shirts and then maybe spend a few minutes thanking me."  
Her playful idea was rewarded by the sound of his hearty laughter.

"Take it easy on me, Baby. I'm not so good with new things, remember." He chuckled.

"Practice makes perfect, Sweetheart." She smirked, holding a single finger up to her lips to indicate that he should keep it down, as she waited for her mother to pick up.

Edward was standing there just watching her, his crooked little grin pulling at his mouth. Once she'd obviously gotten her mother back on the phone, he finally turned away in search of this dinner he was suppose to be preparing. After adjusting the temperature of the oven and locating the casserole dish wrapped in foil and neatly labeled in the freezer, Edward quietly walked past Bella, presumably on his way back to the living room to give her some privacy and perhaps make his own call.

No longer having anything of interest to look at Bella closed her eyes and let her head rest against her fist, while leaning once again on the breakfast bar. She figured she'd let her mother ramble on a little longer before putting an end to their conversation for the evening; the promise of having Edward all to herself once she was finished with the call made a few extra minutes of this torture seem reasonably tolerable. That is what she thought at least, until seconds later when her eyes were forced open by the oddly familiar sound of a pair of glasses coming to rest right next to her elbow on the bar and the feel of soft cotton landing atop her head in the very same instant. Bella recognized that Edward's scent was already trapped in the fabric, confirming her suspicions, before she even saw the blue color of his t-shirt. When she tugged it free from her head and glanced to the left, sure enough, she found his glasses sitting there beside her.

"Mom, I've got to go." She mumbled in somewhat of a daze, before tossing the phone aside, scrambling out of the kitchen in search of Edward.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Not apologizing…Bella said I wasn't allowed, LOL.

Chapter 26

Edward sat in the backseat of his mother's car staring out at the passing scenery as she drove he and Bella about town in search of some place that he might call his new home. The pooling raindrops were tending to distract him as they danced across the glass, collecting near the arced slope of the window, the wind created by the car's motion pushing them along in serpentine like patterns. It was nice to have something to focus on, but he would love to be able to shut his thoughts down completely for an hour or so—regroup and start all over again, so that he might be able to enjoy this process as he had once hoped he might.

He had his elbow propped up against the door, his loosely fisted hand resting against the side of his face. Periodically he would adjust his posture and while doing so he would often tug at his shirtsleeve before resuming his previous position, perhaps after he'd pushed his glasses into a better place on his nose or he'd let his fingers comb through his hair a time or two. Each time he began to fidget he would notice Bella, who sat in front of him chatting quietly with his mother, discreetly redirect her attention to focus on him until she felt him settle again. He was trying his best to sit still and he would often reach forward and gently caress her shoulder to let her know that he was okay, but he just couldn't seem to relax enough to make his nervous habits completely go away this afternoon.

It was no one's fault really. Bella had been her usual calm, supportive self right from the moment that it had become obvious that Edward was starting to feel uncomfortable with the prospect of having to go out roaming about town today. His mother, for her part, had thankfully made every possible arrangement necessary to insure that Edward would not have to endure meeting anyone during their tour of the houses he had indicated an interest in.

So why was he so uncomfortable?  
Unfortunately he didn't have a good answer to that question, likely explaining why he was still feeling so out of sorts.

The day had started off on a good note. Bella returning his thoughtful gesture from the day before, by showing up in Alice's doorway at the top of the stairs with a hot cup of coffee and an adorably disheveled appearance as she thought to wake him before she went back down to start some breakfast. They'd managed to sleep in till almost eleven, which was quite pleasant after having to deal so many emotionally taxing issues over the past few days. And it didn't even bother him that by her coming upstairs she finally discovered that indeed the set of nightclothes that his sister had thought to purchase for him were entirely unnecessary. The way that she'd let her hand appreciatively work its way across his bare chest, while telling him good morning was more than enough to erase any self conscious thoughts he might have been considering when she'd approached his bedside with him in such a state of undress. There was that and also the happy realization that _practice_ did actually seemed to make these types of imitate encounters a bit easier. With time he suspected that he would welcome her touch upon his body as if it were the most natural thing in the world, instead of something that generally encouraged his heart and his stomach to quickly switch places within him.

"Have you thought to mention your plans for moving back to your sister by chance?"  
His mother's question was obviously addressed to him, but Edward only managed to register that she was speaking, not really what she was saying. Only after Bella had shared a glance with Esme and reiterated the question did Edward seem to come out of his trance.

"I haven't mentioned anything to anyone besides you and Dad…and Bella." Edward said softly, a bit of a sigh following his words.

"You could tell her tonight; she and Jasper are suppose to come over and hang out." Bella suggested.

"Yeah." Was his simple response, his attention begging once again to focus on the passing trees and the water beading up on the window.

He should be more enthused by all of this. Last night when he'd taken the call from his mother and found himself inviting Bella to come along he had been so excited. For some reason at the time this all seemed rather easy and natural to him. Motivated by love and having seen just how much his family had missed him—worried about him, seemed to be all it would take to make him willing to finally try his hand at a normal existence. He was going to be moving back home, so to speak. He'd be more available to his parents and sister, he could rediscover all of the things he'd enjoyed about this place as a boy and he was undeniably pleased that he could be closer to Bella.  
He'd been ignoring his problems and hiding away from everyone in order to make things easier on himself for too long and now it was time for a change. This was an opportunity for a fresh start and one he was fully willing to embrace, but it was quite obvious at this point that it wasn't going to be easy.

So far they had seen three of the five houses that were on Edward's list of potentials and Bella had recognized right readily that he was once again trying too hard. She had taken hold of Edward's hand as they walked up to the first house and gave him an encouraging smile. His fingers were tightly wrapped around hers and despite the cold feel of his hand she could tell that his palms were sweating slightly—an obvious sign of the stress he was feeling. She wished there was something more that she could do to help, but she knew by now the best she could offer him was silent support and the comfort of knowing he wasn't alone.  
They quietly wandered hand in hand through the ground floor as Esme pointed out a few random details that might influence his like or dislike for the place. But it was when they had come to a standstill in front of the large picture window that faced out into the tiny backyard that Bella knew why Edward was so uncomfortable.

"What do you think, Baby?" he asked her as they stood together silently watching the activity of the neighborhood.

"It's a nice place, but your neighbors would be too close and there are _too many_ of them." She looked up at him with a knowing smile and was rewarded by a deep chuckle.

"It's the closest to where you live; I was at least willing to look at it on the off chance that the neighbors would end up being the type you'd never see." He explained as he and Bella continued watching no fewer than three people walk within twenty feet or so of the house, two of whom actually stopped to wave.

"What's next Esme?" Bella asked for him, while giving his hand a reassuring little squeeze.

"We'll head out to the waterfront now; there are two places within walking distance of one another, then we have to drive just outside of the central township to look at the other two." She explained ushering everyone back outside as she locked up the place.

"Good?" Bella asked as Edward escorted her out to the car, opening the passenger door for her to get in. He didn't even look back at the house, confirming Bella's suspicion that he'd only even considered this place thanks to proximity to she and Alice.

"I will be." He promised, giving her hand a little kiss before closing the door and climbing into the back once again.

Edward adjusted his legs to accommodate the tight space available in the backseat and smile crookedly at Bella watching him in the rearview mirror. She had been concerned about his comfort in the confines of the backseat, but he had assured her that he would be fine. He wasn't going to allow his problems to hold up this process today, but he knew that he'd need some time alone with his thoughts. Sitting beside his mother, feeling a need to converse with her made him feel a bit queasy; and having Bella sit next to him in the back of his mom's car seemed just a bit the other side of juvenile. The compromise was to sit alone and ponder all that he'd experienced in the past day and a half, while hoping that no one would notice how difficult this really was for him.  
He didn't mind at this point if Bella knew, but as always, he wanted to protect his mother from being shown the harsh extent of his issues.

Drifting off into his own little world as his mother got them headed west, he remembered how proud he was as he'd settled into bed last night. He was proud that he _had_ managed to turn his brain off for a while that evening, and as a result he was pleased to discover that his father had been very right about a lot of things.  
If he let Bella be in control he had nothing to fear. All he had to do was follow her lead and let his instincts guide him; a simple touch, a handful of words and a reliance on what he was _feeling_ made all the difference in the world. Keeping things playful and light also seemed to help. As they laughed and joked about how awkward they both felt—freely admitting a severe lack of know how, despite the heavy presence of this hormone driven lust that surrounded them, they were able to successfully explore their boundaries a bit further.

It was an enjoyable experience and one that he hoped they might be able to have rather frequently—sitting on the floor near the coffee table sharing their dinner between sips of wine and stolen kisses.  
He had tried on all of his new shirts, with Bella's assistance by then, her hands happy to be reminded of just how much they enjoyed the feel of his body each time she would help him remove one in favor of another. And with her permission he had allowed his own hands to find out just how wonderful the warm soft feel of her lower back was against his fingertips.

Their interaction was reasonably innocent, but eventually, once they no longer had their dishes in the way to complicate the process, Edward had again reached out to embrace her fully, the intensity of their passion quickly increasing.

He mentally informed his most eager appendage not to worry and that he'd be taking care of their needs a bit later, after he'd had a sufficient opportunity to say good night to Bella. For now however, he wasn't allowed to interfere—Edward having already made up his stubborn mind that no matter how persistent his mischievous little buddy wanted to be, no manner of attention seeking behavior could sway his control tonight.

"Bella," He'd whispered, a while later, his lips trailing along the column of her throat, lingering over her pulse point for a moment; his breath tickling her skin, his hands clutching her hips. A sound that could be classified somewhere between a moan and a hum answered in response to his words, causing a pleasant vibration to rattle her throat. As he continued to kiss and caress her neck, Bella let her hands take the short journey from where they were gripping his shoulders to comb up through the back of his hair, encouraging him to stay right where he was.

"Baby, tell me to stop." He'd urgently pleaded, his body becoming overwhelmed by her touch and her scent and the pleasurable sounds she was continuing to make. She was just so responsive and willing to trust him. He wasn't about to give in and touch her the way that he really wanted to, but he was aware enough to know that it was becoming far more difficult to ignore the urges. It was time to slow down.

Bella didn't necessarily want the moment to end, but she knew exactly what he was talking about by then. If he needed a break then she wasn't going to push for more; and though she was becoming perfectly comfortable with this level of intimacy she knew that if she allowed things to go much further then she wasn't sure what the next limit would be.  
She'd pulled away slightly and let her hands now smooth down the mess that she'd made of his hair, her forehead coming to rest against his.

"I don't want to stop, but I know that we should." She had responded to her with a slight shake of his head.  
He'd decided, somewhere along the line, that he needed Bella to know about what had happened that afternoon at his parents' house. He'd been suffering from varying levels of anxiety and self doubt his entire life, but the type of episode that he'd experienced earlier in the day was beyond what he was use too. The truth was that he was beginning to fear that he was actually getting worse, if that were possible. And so far, he'd only been able to deduce that the reason was somehow linked to his connection with Bella.

It wasn't the most appropriate timing and he knew that, but he wanted Bella to understand his continued hesitation. He also needed her to know that it wasn't necessarily anything she'd done.  
He described the incident to Bella with as much detail as he could and he was pleased to see that he wasn't freaking her out; instead she was patient and concerned, lightly stroking his forearm as she listened to him. The feeling was quite amazing and it helped him to determine that he would indeed ask for the one thing he had always dreaded to this point.

As a boy, he'd had little choice in the matter. He's always had problems that he didn't know the reasons or the cure for and so he'd had to rely on others—which of course only seemed to complicate those problems. His preference had been to ignore it as much as possible and once he was old enough to make some of his own decisions he'd done just that. But now things were different. He could see just how much his issues could affect those around him—those that cared for him, and he was no longer willing to let his stubborn streak dictate how the rest of his life might play out.

Bella had wanted to make the suggestion for several days now, especially since they'd been talking so openly about _everything_, but she wouldn't insult his opinion that way—at least not yet. He hadn't shown her any indication that his issues had begun to manifest in a negative way, or in a way that he wasn't prepared to deal with. According to him, he was use to the nerves and the uncertainty and he had ways of dealing with those things when he must. However, when Edward had suggested the idea himself, Bella was one hundred percent in favor of doing her part. Anything he needed at this point to feel better about him self and their situation was a priority.

It became a good solid note to which they ended their night together—Edward lingering for a long moment at the top of the stairs smiling shyly down at Bella as she waved yet another goodnight before disappearing behind her door.

And it had been a good night. Remembering the smile on Bella's face as they'd said 'sleep well' one last time and the realization that his actions along with his decisions had put that happy expression there made Edward genuinely smile for the first time in quite a while. His mood on the rise, he could hardly believe at the moment just how far into shit his internal struggles had forced his outlook on the day to plummet only a few short hours before.

It seemed far too mundane, the fact that being left alone, as Bella went downstairs to change while Edward took a call from his mother confirming that she would be by soon to pick them up, had been enough to push him over the edge. Alone with his thoughts as he'd cleaned up the remainder of the fried eggs and toast that she'd made for their breakfast/lunch he'd started to worry and wonder, forcing everything to head quickly downhill.

"Sweetheart?" Bella had cautiously inquired letting him know that she was back. When she'd returned she found him bent over, his arms folded on top of the kitchen counter, just right of the sink, his face buried in the crook of his elbow.

He rocked back and forth a couple of times without saying anything and then lifted his head slightly rubbing at his eyes.  
Bella had noticed that his glasses were on the table along with the few dishes that he hadn't gotten around to washing yet, but for some reason she'd been unprepared to see his eyes when they settled upon her. It wasn't the color exactly—she'd finally gotten use to seeing the vibrancy of that brilliant shade with how much she enjoyed looking at him, but she hadn't expected the sadness or the pain that could be so evident within their beautiful depths.

"What can I do?" she asked softly as she approached. She let her hand settle against his back and attempted to calm him with her light touch, tracing a soothing pattern over his tense muscles.

"I don't know." He croaked; his voice strained by the emotions he was feeling.

"This is…?" she didn't need to describe what she was talking about. This was what Edward had told her he would go through, each time he had to face anything that seemed overly daunting in his opinion. He nodded his head in a rather pitiful gesture, slowly straightening his posture.  
He rubbed his neck and shoulders with both hands and them let his arms fall heavily against his sides.

"I just have to get it worked out in my brain for a few minutes, but I promise I'll be okay." He explained, though it wasn't necessary as he looked down at where his fingers had started tugging at one of the buttons on his shirt.

Bella had kindly finished washing up after their meal and Edward felt horrible for not being able to help. Unfortunately he'd been too busy pacing the short path between the kitchen and the living room relentlessly over the past twenty minutes, trying his damnedest to get his fears under control. Bella was wonderful as always, staying close and available should he decide that he needed her for something, but remaining quiet and occupied with other things so that he didn't get the sense that she was hovering or obviously worrying over him.

What was so frustrating in the end was the fact that he knew there was nothing to be afraid of and that he knew he really wanted to be doing this. This was something he was doing for himself and his family; it was something he was doing for he and Bella. All he could do was promise himself that it was going to be okay. When he was done with this outing, when he'd located his new home, he was going to find away to fix this. He was tired of being so incapable and he was embarrassed that Bella had to see him this way at all.

"Baby," Edward had said quietly coming up behind where she stood at the sink drying one last glass. "I'm gonna have to break the rules for a second." He went on to warn her.

Bella turned and looked up to see him standing there with his eyes closed. When he opened them this time, Bella was pleased to see that he seemed to be doing a little better.

He took a deep breath and swallowed nervously. "I'm sorry." He said his eyes letting her know that she wasn't allowed to protest. "I won't apologize if you ever have to see that type of thing again, but right now the only way that I'm able to convince myself that I can go through with this is to tell you that I don't mean to be this way, and I sure as hell don't _want_ to be. This is who I am though—for now, and if it's too much for you I…" he took a shaky breath, "I understand."

"Edward," Bella couldn't help but speak her mind, "shut up." Her words were insistent but gentle as she reached up to smooth away the frown pulling at his mouth.

"I'm sorry too, but I love you and you're not going to scare me away that easily. I don't hold anything against you and I'm not so fragile that you can't lean on me when you need to." She explained in all seriousness. "You're going to figure this out and I'll be right there with you every step of the way. If you decide that you're content to be just as you are, I'm okay with that. I happen to love you just the way you are. But, if you're going to try and find a different way to deal with your issues then I'm onboard and ready to help with that as well. The choice in all of this is yours, but I'm here and I'm staying as long as you want me."

Tears were slowly trailing down his cheeks now and Edward was too moved by her support to even bother trying to hide them.

"God Baby, I love you." He mumbled, his arms going around her, his head resting wearily on her shoulder.

She held him as he cried, slowly swaying back and forth. When she felt that his body was no longer shaking and he'd attempted to finally dry his eyes, she kissed his forehead and then encouraged him to lift his head so that she could claim his lips.

"Come on" she simply requested, taking his hold of his hand, before leading him up the staircase. She led him into the bathroom and turned on the faucet, filling a cup with cold water before adjusting the tap to make it warmer; she passed the cup off to Edward so that he could take a drink.

"You're gonna have to sit your tall ass down." She snickered a moment later when she considered how awkward reaching up to apply the warm towel she'd been soaking to his face would be with thier considerable height difference.

Edward let a little smile through and walked past her, closing the lid to the toilet before having a seat.

"This is romantic, huh?" he chuckled, while she very tenderly washed his tears away.

"It could be." Bella smirked.

"How's that?"

"Kiss me." She requested with a rather shy expression.

Edward would deny her nothing right now, with the way that she was taking such good care of him.

"We break Alice's toilet I am so blaming you." He grinned as he pulled her onto his lap.

She didn't get to defend her position or laugh at his silliness even, as he let his lips capture her mouth almost instantly.

_Thank._ _You._

Though his thanks was clearly evident, he kept things simple and reasonably innocent. They both knew that the emotions were too close to the surface right now and his mother was on her way over already. There would be plenty of time to discuss the particulars of this little moment at a later time; right now they needed to get themselves in order.

"I'll just give you a few minutes, okay?" Bella offered, standing up again and handing over the cloth so that Edward could collect himself for a moment.

Turned out Bella had wonderful timing as Esme had just pulled up to the house. Edward was able to join them soon enough and with very little encouragement his mother agreed to drive them all, since she knew where they were going and Bella graciously took the front seat so that Edward might have some time alone with his thoughts.

So here he was again—thinking, and yet trying not to. Here he was trying to sort out his issues but no longer knowing the best place to start. And here he was, so eager to live a normal life but not yet having the courage or the strength to pursue that which he most desired.

"Wow, look at that view." Bella's words pulled him back to the present.

Indeed the panoramic view of the bay as seen from the highway's elevation was quite stunning.

"Unfortunately most of the houses down the south side of the waterfront don't enjoy this type of view. The lots are larger and therefore mostly wooded. This affords a bit more privacy but tends to obstruct whatever overlook of the bay one might have had." Esme explained along the way.

Edward felt a twinge of disappointment. He still valued his privacy, in fact he wasn't entirely sure he could truly go through with this type of move if he was assured some measure of solitude, but he wanted to please Bella above all else. He could hear the fascination and wonder in her voice and it hurt to know that once again his necessary avoidance of people could take that away from her. He'd specifically chosen to look at the last two places because the acreage he would own along with either house would guarantee some space between he and any neighbors in the area. A view of the bay would certainly be nice and something he might enjoy as well, but it would stand to reason that areas offering such a sight would tend to be more densely populated.

"Come on, Sweetheart." Bella excitedly took his hand this time encouraging him to get out of the car. Edward looked up to see his mother already on her way up the path towards the house and Bella waiting impatiently for him to join them.

"It's kind of hard to control today." He sheepishly explained his intense preoccupation with his own thoughts right now.

"No need to explain." Bella grinned wrapping an arm around his waist, loving how he immediately draped his over her shoulders as they walked together towards the house.

"I'm going to start talking your ears off though, so that you have to pay attention. You totally missed the beautiful drive up here. It reminded me an awful lot of the drive you take to reach your parents' place." Bella went on to tell him.

Edward hesitated before entering the house realizing just how right she was. He'd been so lost in his own little world that he had indeed missed the approach to the house and everything that might have been said about it. Taking a moment to look at his surroundings Edward had to smile. This was a nice, older looking home nestled back in a wooded lot. He could tell already that it was quite peaceful here, the delightful familiarity of nature seeming to surround everything.

Esme stood by discreetly watching Bella as she encouraged Edward, undoubtedly pleased by the ease with which Bella could handle even his most somber mood. His overall demeanor nor his significant discomfort had gone unnoticed by his mother as usual. From the moment she'd arrived and Bella had greeted her at the door she knew that something was amiss. Bella was honest in saying that Edward was feeling a bit nervous but she didn't elaborate beyond that, obviously knowing that Esme would understand and that Edward would likely be embarrassed to know that they had discussed anything in further detail. Seeing how well Bella managed to handle all of this was wonderful. She didn't seem frazzled or unnerved by his tendencies and she was so patient and understanding when he would drift off in search of some inner peace.  
Pleased as she was, his mother couldn't deny a hint of surprise when she witnessed just how comfortable they seemed together, even in her presence, holding hands or walking as they were now, their arms loosely holding onto one another—the physical contact making the process seem easier for the both of them.

"How much was this one again?" Edward asked as Bella lead him over to the staircase, eager to see the rest of the house, once they'd made a complete circuit of the downstairs living space.

"Two fifty-nine, nine. This is the one that has the five acres and the pond. If the rain holds off for the next few minutes we should be able to walk down and have a look at it before we leave."

"There's a pond too?" Esme had to smile at the way Bella's face had lit up and the matching expression her son had answered with.

And her smile almost turned into laughter as Bella turned to continue up the stairs only to stumble slightly before Edward calmly adjusted his hold to get her standing more steadily.

"Were there any single story homes for sale around here?" Edward inquired, the teasing tone of his voice quite obvious behind his chuckle of amusement.

"Oh hush." Bella giggled, "I've been dealing with stairs all my life—only a few major mishaps as a result."

"A few, constitutes a _few_ too many." Edward raised an eyebrow.

Esme tried her best to downplay her own amusement of the situation, but honestly listening to the playful banter between these two was just so wonderful.

She had worried that Edward's moods were getting more severe and she also had concerns about how quickly he could seem to turn them off and on, but she had her suspicions that this was a result of his being around Bella.  
She had never seen him try so hard before. Even when Alice would entice him to stray from his normal behavior there was still a bit of defiance lingering within him. With Bella however, he was wide open and vulnerable, likely causing his anxiety to manifest in more profound ways. Though the negative side of this was quite difficult to witness the positive aspects, such as his light, jubilant nature that would shine through when he was feeling at ease with his surroundings, was quite encouraging.

"What in the world would you do with all this space?" Bella asked when they'd reached to upper floor.

This was an old Victorian style house, with high ceilings and lots of square footage. It only measured just above two thousand square feet of actual living space, but the design did indeed make the place seem rather large—particularly with the number of individual rooms available.

Edward just shrugged as he walked over to the nearby window and looked out over the back of the house.

Esme secretly hoped that he would choose this place, its location being an ideal fit for Edward and his personality and the overall size of the place allowing her some freedom to suggest décor while still allowing for his own tastes. She could already see the potential it such a beautiful old home.

"I still wanna see the last one." Edward informed his mother, able to see her interest in this one a little too clearly for his liking.

He didn't mind it at all, in fact he quite liked the place himself and it was obvious that Bella was intrigued by it as well. Edward had known right from the start that this place and the next one they would go see were his top two choices. This place was big and grand and could easily become a home that he would enjoy. His only reservation being that it was awfully big for one person.

He had his arm around Bella again as they walked back outside and noticing that the rain had ceased for the time being he offered his free arm to his mother, requesting they go and have a look at this pond the previous owners seemed to be so proud of.

"Wow." The three of them said in unison. They'd been walking along a well-maintained wooded path for a couple of minutes. At the end of said path they arrived at a little clearing which indeed held a rather impressively sized pond. Wild flowers similar to those growing in the meadow near his parent's house were everywhere and the previous owners had supplemented the area with many ornamental trees and other shrubbery to compliment the natural beauty of the space.

Esme and Bella began discussing the different aspects that popped out around every corner, leaving Edward to think for a moment. He had plenty of decisions to make already and he knew that this was certainly one that he would never take lightly. He couldn't deny that he was quite impressed with the house and the property as a whole; he felt comfortable here and he could see just how much Bella and his mother seemed to approve. The main question however was going to be, would he want to be here by himself? It was an awfully big place for one person, especially since he'd never needed much to be content; and he somehow knew that the space might magnify his loneliness when he had to be here alone.  
Likewise, he wanted to apply that same question to Bella. Would she feel comfortable out here alone? He couldn't fathom a reason why he would ever leave her here by herself, but it would be foolish not to consider the possibilities.

"Mom, does the house have a security system installed? I didn't think to look for that earlier." He wondered aloud.

Bella's safety and peace of mind were paramount to him.

"It is wired for such, but according to the realtor's notes it hasn't been active for a while, which means it will likely need to be updated." She explained.

He nodded his understanding and they collectively agreed they'd gotten their fill of this place, deciding to move on to the last house.

True to her word Bella had been rather chatty during the drive this time, asking Esme questions about real estate in general and commenting for Edward's benefit on how much fun this was turning out to be.  
He was pleased that she was enjoying herself and he was planning to show her as soon as they had a private moment just how much he appreciated all of her help and understanding this afternoon. The concept of just being around her and being able to talk to her without fear of embarrassment was addictive, knowing that he could hold her and kiss her with the same ease was even more so.

"Last one on the list." Esme mentioned as she pulled up in front of a cute little A-frame house at the end of another scenic little drive.

Edward actually beat everyone else out of the car for once today and stood holding Bella's door open for her as she climbed out to join him. This was a place that was similar in charm and seclusion to the last, however it was a good deal smaller and likely a bit more geared towards Edward's preferences already.

"It looks like something out a fairytale." She grinned, taking in the whimsical façade.

"This place is ridiculously charming." Esme chimed in making Edward and Bella chuckle.

"Is that a technical term?" Edward wondered, "ridiculously charming?"

"Trust me, it's a positive statement." She smiled.

This was indeed the place Edward was most excited to see today. The photos and descriptions that had accompanied the listing did a wonderful job of selling its _ridiculous charm_ and Edward couldn't help but see the appeal.  
It was small and cozy, reminding him of his home back in Colorado. The simple, low maintenance design, coupled with the open, usable floor plan had sold him on the idea of this place right away, but he wouldn't settle for something without looking at all of his options. The last house they'd just left seemed to validate that decision and then some.

Now, what to do?  
His answer would come sooner than he'd expected, but it pleased him to know it sooner rather than later.

His mother had opened the front door allowing Bella to pass through first and as soon as she stepped into the open space, which made up the main living area and kitchen, she came to a standstill. Without a word she seemed to look over every inch of space, finally letting her eyes rest upon the impressive stone fireplace off to the left. When she turned to see both Edward and his mother still waiting just inside the entrance she noticed each of them smiling brightly, sharing a glance that literally exuded warmth and understanding. She'd felt that type of warmth when Edward would look at her from time to time, but seeing it shared with someone else—that someone being his mother no less, made Bella's insides shiver. Amazing.

"Well?" she asked, not wanting to be the only one to look about and explore the house, eager as she was to do so.

"I think we've got at least one vote for this place." Esme nodded as she looped her arm around Edward's once again and ushered him further inside.

She spent a few minutes, as she had done with all of the other houses, rattling off some of the more impressive aspects to the building. And this house had plenty to talk about. It wasn't the newest home they'd seen, yet it boasted a beautifully updated kitchen and bath, suffused with marble, granite and stainless steal. The honey colored hardwood flooring that encompassed nearly every stable surface within the house was newly refinished and the unique A-frame design offered tons of natural lighting, as the front of the house was almost entirely made up of windows. What this place lacked in size it totally made up for in character.

"There are four acres of wooded land that will come with the house, and I found out late last night that there are an additional ten that may be available for purchase in the next few weeks." Esme added, while watching her son slowly walk through the house letting his hand trail over the detailed woodwork in appreciation, before coming to a stop near the large bay window at the back of the house.

"It's perfect." Bella declared, practically whispering the words as she perused the kitchen.

"There's only one bedroom, but it is quite large and the loft upstairs would be an ideal workspace." Esme went on to say, though she didn't really see much need to continuing _selling_ the place.

The moment she knew for sure that the search had come to an end was when she saw Edward make eye contact with Bella from across the room. She'd seen many a shy glance and timid smile pass between these two in the past several days, but she'd never seen them communicate so easily with little more than a look.

"There's even room enough for a piano if you wanted to have one here." Bella smiled as Edward came to stand behind her near the fireplace.

"I'd like to be able to play for you, when it's just us." He whispered as his hands settled upon her hips, his head tilting downward so that their words remained private.

"So you like it?" she wondered, leaning back to rest against his chest, his arms circling around to hold her.

"I do." He nodded, "It's nicer than the cabin, but still feels like the home I'm use to. I think I could be comfortable here."

"It just feels right. The minute I walked inside I could almost _see_ you in this space." Bella agreed.

"And how about you? Do you see yourself in this space?" he wondered turning Bella so that she was facing him now.

Bella smiled up and him and gently brushed aside a few unruly strands of hair falling over his forehead.

"I see myself wherever you are, Sweetheart." She promised.

Edward had completely forgotten about his mother for the moment, lost in her eyes and the intensity of her conviction.

"I love you, Baby." He said softly, his lips confirming his words.

Esme had made a point of blending into the shadows, wanting Edward and Bella to have time to consider their options and talk about what they were thinking; but never in her wildest dreams did she think that they would wined up entangled in such an embrace. Innocent as it appeared Esme began to feel rather self-conscious, witnessing such a display of affection. Edward may have assured her that they were not at such a stage just last night, but her own eyes couldn't be fooled. They weren't there yet, but they would be eventually. There were several things that prevented her from sitting them both down right now to discuss the possible complications to their relationship, at the top of that list was her own embarrassment; the fact that these were two intelligent adults and they were obviously in love followed as a close second, with the nervous fidgeting and reddened cheeks that showed up towards the end of their kiss ultimately rounding out her list.

So nothing was said, Esme practicing oblivion, minding her own business as the couple, hand in hand, continued to wander about the house. After another ten minutes had passed a very excited Edward finally came to retrieve her from the loft.

"This is the one, Mom." He announced with more enthusiasm than she could ever recall him employing.

"It's wonderful choice, Darling." She smiled as he held out his arms invitingly.

"Thanks...for everything." He sighed, wrapping her up in a tight hug.

"Is Bella ready?" she asked holding on to him for another moment.

"I left her planning the first meal she hopes to cook in that kitchen." He chuckled.

"Edward, I'm am so happy for you." She told him sincerely, as they turned towards the stairs, "I love seeing you so connected with someone."

His complexion started taking on color and he looked away, slightly embarrassed by her bringing attention to his relationship; but above all else Edward wanted to thank her for her support in everything finally, so he forced himself to clear his throat and try to find the right words.

"I'm sorry it's taken me so long…I know that you worry and I'm umm…I'm starting to believe that this is how it was suppose to happen—for me, at least." He took a deep breath and smiled a bit when his mother gently touched the side of his face, silently requesting he look up for her.

"You're usually right about most things." She smiled, "and I believe you may be right about that as well."

"I'm umm…Bella's going to see her doctor tomorrow…Dr. Montgomery and I'm going to go with her." Edward chewed nervously at his lower lip and blinked a few times before making eye contact with his mother again. "I think I'm ready, to finally try something…different. I don't want to run from my issues anymore."

"Edward," Esme had to take a moment to collect her emotions. She never thought that this day would come, and even if it did she never believed that her son would be capable of speaking so openly with her. "I'm very proud of you, and I always have been. If this is what you want, I support you completely."

"I don't know what it is or how this is all supposed to work but I want different things now…I want to be _here_—to be a part of my family again…"

"You know what," Esme informed him, trying her best to keep the tears at bay, "I've always wanted to believe that love could hold the power to heal. I've never seen it actually do so, but that never stopped me from hoping. Now, after seeing you with Bella, I think that I may finally have enough proof to support my theory."


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Decided to leave some endnotes this time so that I don't give away anything before you make your way through the chapter ;) ;)

*waving to all the newest readers* Welcome!

Chapter 27

"I'll be right back, Sweetheart." Bella giggled a bit, brushing his hair aside and placing a soft kiss against his forehead.  
His pitiful little grumble of disappointment when she'd slowly started to stand and go retrieve another chapter from the manuscript she had sitting nearby, was just too cute, making her want to snuggle up to him and never let go. Unfortunately, she had work to do this week and she wanted to take advantage of any time she might have in order to get a head start on things.  
After such an enlightening day it had come to her attention that there were going to be a lot of things coming up that she wanted to be a part of and available for, so her goal at the moment was to get far enough ahead with her work so that there would be no reason that she couldn't spend as much time as she desired seeing to whatever she and Edward chose to pursue first.

Edward had been sleeping for the most part since they'd returned to the house, although he did seem rather restless at times; mumbling and rocking slightly, adjusting the hold he kept on Bella's blanket and cuddling against her leg more thoroughly as he rested his head in her lap.

She was sitting down one end of the sofa, her feet propped up against the coffee table, while he'd stretched out taking up the remainder of space. She'd been reading for a while now, happy to caress his hair or smile down at his pouty little expression in between pages, but she'd finally run out of work that was within arm's reach. Feeling as though she was on a roll and wanting to get a few more chapters out of the way before Alice and Jasper would arrive this evening Bella decided it was time to move.

When she'd gathered up the next bit she wanted to read through and had come back from her detour through the kitchen with another mug of tea, she found Edward sitting up rubbing his eyes as he yawned.

"Feeling better?" she asked when he'd settled a bit, looking up to see that she'd returned with a sleepy little smile.

"Yeah," he sighed patting the space next to him so that she might join him. "I'm gonna have to get hold of some regular pain relievers though, that crap Dad gave me is kicking my ass today."

"I could go to the store real quick." Bella offered, but Edward was already shaking his head.

"I'm fine for now. Besides I'd prefer not to have to take anything if I can help it." He explained. "It's just that I usually don't have such severe reactions so close together."

Bella was hesitant to say what was really on her mind right now, but she knew that she had to. She wanted to always encourage Edward, but she still had her worries and right now her concern for his emotional comfort was ranking above all else.

"You know if you're not feeling up for it, there's no need to rush into anything else right now. I can always go visit with Dr. Montgomery tomorrow on my own and then when you're ready we can go together later." She spoke quietly but with what she hoped was a convincing tone.

She was so proud of Edward for every little thing he had managed to accomplish to this point and she was undeniably flattered that her presence in his life seemed to be such a driving force for him, but she was worried that he was going to over do it. He'd been completely drained by the time they'd made it back to the house a few hours ago, and she couldn't help but notice how physically tense he'd seemed. He was still smiling and pleasantly conversing with both she and his mother, but Bella could still tell that the day and all of its stresses had taken a significant toll on him.

He had explained in rather great detail by now the type of responses he was prone to if things started to get too uncomfortable for him and having seen some indication as to just how bad things could be this morning and having heard about the breakdown he'd suffered the day before, Bella was unwilling to sit by and let him do more harm than good—and certainly not for her sake.

She could tell Edward was leaning towards being stubborn and insisting that he wanted to go and that he would be fine, but she could also see that he was really thinking about his options so she just sat back and decided to be patient.

"How about we see how I feel in the morning?" he suggested eventually, "I never really know how bad anything is going to affect me until I'm really faced with going through with it."

"That sounds like a good plan for now." She agreed easily, though she didn't know if his choice had come just as an attempt to please her or whether he might indeed be suffering to such a degree that he truly felt incapable of pushing forward with anything else at the moment.

"Well, I'm going to go have a quick shower before everyone gets here—see if it'll wake me up a little and maybe help make the rest of this soreness go away." Edward told Bella standing and stretching all at once.

Her concerned thoughts all but disappeared when she found herself focused on the pale sliver of skin that had been exposed as his shirt lifted slightly with his arms raised as they were—the idea of him naked and wet in the shower only managing to distract her even further. She was so lost in her own imagination that she missed any warning she might have had until he was already bent over her, his arms either side of her, braced against the back of the sofa and the armrest to her left. She was _trapped_, but she couldn't seem to care when she looked up she saw his patented little grin just inches away.

"Love you, Baby." He told her before letting his lips descend.

He kissed her gently, just letting his lips linger against hers for a moment, before pulling away with a little sigh.

Bella felt a cold shiver run through her entire body, starting somewhere near the base of her throat ending up at her toes; the cold sensation was quickly followed by an intense warmth that left her feeling weak and disoriented. She opened her eyes and watched him make his way over to the stairs. How this man held so much power and influence over her body's reactions to just about anything she didn't understand. All she knew was that she liked it.

She would never ask Edward to do anything that might cause him undue anxiety or stress and therefore she was feeling good about his decision to play things by ear in regard to his first visit with Dr. Montgomery, but she was undoubtedly eager to go through with the appointment she had set up for herself the next day. Whether Edward would accompany her or not, whether he would speak to the doctor himself, she was going to find away to address some of her own issues and newfound concerns.

Hating to admit it, Bella knew that it was most likely the phone call that she'd suffered through with her mother the evening before, which had seemed relatively pointless and without a doubt uncomfortable at the time that had really gotten her thinking. She was smart enough to recognize that her attraction to Edward was intense and growing more and more so with each passing day. She felt so comfortable with him—always, that her desire was threatening to overrule her fears and reservations that remained in regard to their physical interactions.

Not only did Renee's calls seem to reiterate the fact the Bella's mind was indeed focused on all thing sexual when it came to Edward, it proved that she had made a wise decision to rekindle her relationship with Dr. Montgomery.  
There was a time that she might have considered going to her mother for advice; and if the man in question were anyone other than Edward she would have undoubtedly gone to Alice for her opinions and suggestions, but now after the conversation with Renee and having already eliminated Alice—and Esme for that matter, thanks to their relation to Edward, Bella was convinced that her only choice was to speak with her psychologist. And speak with someone she must. She didn't have all of the answers and she was certainly lacking experience, but so was Edward and between the two of them Bella was the better candidate to seek the advice they needed.  
Who better to address her questions and calm her uncertainty than the one person besides Edward that truly knew her history?

That decided Bella started to gather up her papers and straighten the area around the sofa. It was already after five and Alice would be dragging Jasper through the door any minute now.

While Bella was keeping herself occupied with such thoughts she might have been amused to know that Edward was busy doing the same.  
The first thing that he realized was that he had been surprisingly pleased with the remainder of his afternoon spent with his mother and Bella. He'd found a suitable home—one that he truly liked in fact, with far more property than he'd originally thought might be available, which was indeed a wonderful discovery. His mother had seemed very much in favor of his choice, chatting excitedly for most of the ride back to Alice and Bella's place about colors and landscaping and the possibility of picking out furniture. He was so psyched about how happy Bella seemed with both the house and the fact that, with locating his new home, he was that much closer to actually making a permanent move that he didn't even mind; he would be happy to let his mother have her fun.

But, as good a day as it had finally turned out to be, Edward was beginning to feel all of the strain and stress his nerves had managed to force upon his body.

Once they'd arrived back at the house and his mother had bid them farewell, so that she might head home and begin the process of making an offer on his behalf, Edward could no longer seem to hide his fatigue. Immediately Bella had noticed and she had insisted he lie down and relax for a while. He didn't really know how to explain the mix of energy and exhaustion he was feeling just then so he'd given in but requested that she stay and talk to him for a bit. Observant as she was he'd been forced to admit the residual physical discomfort he was feeling and had ultimately agreed that he should probably take one of the pills his father had given him for just such an occasion.

He might have felt worse for falling asleep as Bella kept herself busy reading, but he recognized that with the way he was already feeling a night spent in the company of his sister and Jasper, where he would be expected to be and the very least preset and available would end up only making things harder.

Bella didn't seem to mind and he had to admit that napping on the sofa with her acting as his pillow was a wonderful experience no matter the reason. The only downfall to being so vulnerable in her company was that his dreams had taken advantage of her proximity—enjoying the availability of her scent and the feel of her touch, making the images in his imagination seem all the more vivid and attainable.  
He wasn't sure how long he'd been sleeping when she'd gently repositioned him, needing to get up for whatever reason, but once he was conscious enough to realize that the pain had lessened and that he'd potentially been in a position to unknowingly give her an indication as to what his dreams had consisted of lately, he decided it was time to call an end to naptime.

So as not to seem rude or overly uncomfortable Edward had taken a moment to wake up and speak with Bella before attempting to escape the room. He knew that this was something they would eventually get use to and he had no concerns that Bella would hold anything against him at this point, particularly knowing that his subconscious was beyond his control at times. However, he wasn't ready to test that theory just yet, preferring to avoid any type of embarrassing situations in her presence for now. He would survive the discomfort and the potential hit to his ego if it came down to it, but what he could not handle was the idea that the intense desire he felt for her was beyond what Bella was prepared to accept at this time. Ever mindful of her needs he wouldn't allow an unthinking act on his part to make her second-guess the trust she'd willingly place in him.

Besides, he hadn't been made to suffer any of the physical side affects of his anxiety in a long time, thanks to his avoidance of all nerve inducing situations over the past several years and he could never recall them being this bad before; as a result he really didn't want to complicate his predicament if he didn't have to. He'd considered that maybe it was because he'd been younger then. Or perhaps it was because the issues he'd faced back then didn't hold the same type of emotional significance as those he was now attempting to deal with. Whatever the reason, he was disappointed to know that he could no longer deny that something was legitimately wrong with the way his mind insisted upon responding to stress.

While Edward stood in the shower letting the hot flow of water sooth his muscles and clear his head, he began laughing at himself as he thought about how good it felt to stand in a shower enjoying the water and the refreshing scent of soap and not feel some urgent need to masturbate.  
He had to guess that most men wouldn't necessarily want to admit it, but as he scrubbed his body and washed his hair he was pleasantly surprised to note that he didn't feel any sort of disappointment over this fact. He might have worried over such a discovery at one time, wondering if his attraction to her might be fading, but he was confident of that not being the case. He instead felt as though he was perhaps learning to control his needs. Memories of her kisses and mental images of her smile still caused a delightful tingle to take its rightful place down below, but at the same time he was content to give himself a gentle tug of acknowledgement and move on, preferring instead to wait on _her_ touch—whenever that might come.

He wasn't sure what had changed, but at present he had no fear that Bella was going to deny his company or find fault with his issues. With locating what would likely be his new home, he felt some sense of permanency—like a commitment to this relationship had now been established and therefore his body was no longer so desperate to have what it desired. He could in fact be patient and let the natural progression of things move along at whatever pace seemed right, finally confident that they would eventually get there in all things.

He had been confused by and unfamiliar with the feelings he'd felt when it came to Bella early on. He'd never experienced anything so profound and all consuming as falling in love with her had been and he had never considered that fear might be playing some role in how he was handling everything.

Damn this feeling of fear.

Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown—they had all played a part in making his life the mess that it had become and he knew this. But the one thing that he could take from that knowledge was that he'd never be willing to let fear come between he and Bella.

As he toweled himself dry and went off in search of something comfortable to change into, he decided that this was a good sign. If eliminating the source of his fears could help control whatever response he might be prone to in regard to each particular fear, then perhaps he was on to something. Perhaps if he could identify individual fears and the reason he was afraid of certain things then he could maybe find a way to face those fears and ultimately dispel them. The concept of all of this might seem confusing to someone else but this idea was making perfect sense to Edward.

Refreshed and energized by such encouraging possibilities Edward quickly threw on a pair of jeans and grabbed one of the new t-shirts Bella had gotten for him and headed back downstairs. Such a promising discovery had seemingly erased the last bit of his fatigue and was now rapidly bolstering his courage.

"Wanna help?" he grinned, leaning against the wall at the top of the stairs, his arms folded, his t-shirt draped over his shoulder.

He'd heard the sound of Bella bumping around downstairs when he'd made it to the living room only to find it empty and feeling rather bold as a result of his most recent thoughts, he couldn't help but give in to this sudden flirtatious impulse. She responded with the perfect 'deer in headlight' look, making his ego swell with pride and the shy smile that quickly followed her surprised expression managed to warm his heart.

"I don't know Edward, I'm beginning to think that you might forget how to dress yourself eventually if you keep feeling this need to rely on my assistance." She teased lightly once she'd managed to get her feet moving again. If he could play the flurtatious boyfriend than she could definitely reciprocate in kind.

"I've been told that I'm a pretty smart guy." He shrugged, "So I think it'll be okay if you help from time to time—you know, if you want to. I feel sure I can remember how its all suppose to work if your not available every now and then."

"You are a dork, Sweetheart." Bella giggled at the rare glimpse of his confident charm she was being treated to.

"Yes. Yes I am." Edward nodded solemnly, which made Bella actually laugh outright.

"It's true my love," he went on in dramatic fashion, "I make computer programs for a living and I actually like my work. I drive a Volvo, not because it's sexy or stylish, but because of its engineering specs. I prefer to wear glasses rather than contact lens and I actually have a pair of prescription Ray-Bans, not because I liked them but because my sister insisted that I was not allowed to buy frames that offered a clip-on to serve as sunglasses. And I will TiVo the Discovery Channel, no matter the program, if I ever get distracted by something else on another channel…"

"Okay, okay. You've made your point." Bella chuckled, knowing that everything he'd said was true and likely more than qualified him for dork status in the eyes of anyone else, but she didn't care one bit.

He may be guilty of all that he'd described but she also knew that there was a whole lot more to Edward Cullen. He worked on cars and went hiking in the woods. In addition to his Volvo, he also drove a tough and rugged Range Rover. Behind those glasses he preferred, he had the most beautiful, smoldering green eyes she'd ever seen, likely to make any woman swoon. And though he did enjoy watching educational, nature-oriented television programs, he was even happier when he got to be out in it, experiencing the adventure for himself.

"You love me anyway?" he asked, while looking adorably timid—totally pretending this time that he was worried she would say no.

"I honestly think that it's _why_ I love you." She responded sincerely.

His shirt forgotten, their conversation no longer necessary, Edward took Bella into his arms and smiled. He placed a gentle kiss atop her head and let her snuggle into his chest, the feel of her little hand pressed up against him making his heart beat at much faster rate, but surprisingly and pleasantly that was it. Mental he knew that they were not ready for any form of sexual encounter and it would seem that his body had finally gotten the memo. Not that he wouldn't relapse from time to time, he felt sure, but for now he was incredibly please by this accomplishment.

A long moment passed before Edward noticed Bella shifting. Loosening his hold slightly he looked down to see her glance up at that the very same moment.

"It feels nice to be in your arms this way." She said softly, her fingers lightly tracing over the naked expanse of his chest.

"You're sure? I wasn't really…thinking." He hesitantly confessed.  
Until she pointed out just how new and different it was for them to be like this, with his current state of undress, it hadn't occurred to him that it might make her uncomfortable. It just felt so natural and comfortable to him all of a sudden.

"We're getting there." Bella nodded confidently to reassure him, a little smile lifting the corners of her mouth as Edward made to kiss her.

"Oh my EYES!" Alice exclaimed dramatically, her giddy laughter making her interruption tolerable despite the surprise.  
"Good grief you two! Why don't you take it downstairs or something? I have to live here and utilize this room from time to time and I don't need this image tainting the space." She happily teased.

"Oh, you're one to talk." Bella defended immediately, but in good humor, "Stay with me." She encouragingly whispered in the very same breath, keeping her eyes trained on Edward, who was surprisingly calm considering the situation.

"You're okay?" He asked in return, just as quietly.

Bella nodded slightly, no sign of embarrassment or discomfort marring her features.

He couldn't see his sister and he'd heard no indication that Jasper was with her at the moment so he looked deep into Bella's eyes hoping that she'd forgive him and proceeded to take the kiss he'd been about to enjoy. He appreciated how Bella enthusiastically accepted his advance and it gave him the courage to take this little lesson a step further.

"Trust me, Baby." He requested just as softly against her lips, before scooping her up into his arms, bridal style—heading down the stairs as suggested.

That ought to make Alice think a little before she let her unfiltered comments get away from her next time, he hoped.

"You're going to give your poor sister a heart attack." Bella giggled quietly.

"Poor sister my ass." Edward chuckled, "To be so little she can be awfully annoying sometimes. And besides, I wanted my kiss, damnit."

"I heard that!" Alice shouted down from the landing above making everyone laugh, whether they wanted to or not.

"Guess what?" Edward changed the subject once he'd made it into her bedroom and deposited her on the bed. He had a seat right next to her before lying back, as if it was totally normal for him to be lounging in bed with her.  
Bella resituated herself so that she was on her stomach facing towards him, her head propped up against her hand so that she could see him.

There was a time when these rare moments where Edward would display his boldness and courage had made her nervous, but not anymore. Right now the only feeling she had was pride in how he'd handled the situation and of course a happy little pulse of energy, thanks to some adrenaline the thrill of being carried so effortlessly down the stairs by him had triggered.

"I've been thinking…"

"You're kidding." She sarcastically replied earning her a little pinch on her knee and a roll of his eyes.

"Yes, I have been." He snickered, while shaking his head at her playfully calm attitude.

He didn't know how she'd take his decision to kiss her in front of Alice, especially since it had been his idea to avoid such a thing in the first place, but he was determined to show his sister that sooner or later she was going to have to get use to the fact that he and Bella were _really_ together. When Bella had seemed entirely at ease with that concept he felt his own confidence growing once again.

"When I went upstairs earlier I think I might have had a little epiphany of sorts. See, I've been worrying and over thinking a lot here lately and I realized that I do that all the time—with everything. But with you, I've sort of reached this point where I'm not _as_ worried." Edward was staring up at the ceiling his brow furrowed slightly as if he was concentrating really hard on how best to say this.  
"When you say you love me, I believe you and when you look at me I know that you are being genuine and honest. I don't fear that you'll reject me just because; and I like that. I can relax and be myself with you."

Bella didn't know where this confession was coming from or what the point of his saying all of this right now or even at all really meant, but she was pleased that he felt this way so she was happy to listen patiently and let him go on, in no hurry to make him draw a conclusion. The affirmation of his love for her and the fact that he was lying across her bed in a shirtless state made her willing to let him talk as long as he liked; the gentle timbre of his voice, attempting to rival the sweetest of sounds.

"I've always felt your acceptance and I've always been reasonably comfortable with you, but I was still afraid and I don't know why, but it seems like that fear made me react poorly err…inappropriately at times." He took a deep breath and glanced in Bella's direction finally.

"I realized today that those reactions don't seem to be so difficult to control anymore—not when I'm with you. I didn't even notice a change, it just sort of happened. And it makes me think that if I can approach other things, other fears the same way that I have been able to approach this thing between us, maybe there's some hope that I can succeed—you know, get better at how I respond to everything."

Bella gently traced the shape of his sideburn with a single finger before letting her hand lightly cup his cheek.

"It sure takes you genius-types a lot of words to say something, doesn't it?" She grinned, "You wanna dumb it down a little for me?"

"That's just the thing," he smiled, trying to stifle his amused laughter, "_you_ are the one that has taught me something that I couldn't seem to figure out no matter how hard I tried. If I'm willing to face the things that I fear instead of always hiding from them, I'll eventually learn that there is nothing to be afraid of. If I can prove that to myself, I'm reasonably convinced that my reactions to those things will improve."

There was a light knock at the door that prevented Bella from responding, though she wanted to agree with him and encourage him, offer her support. She wanted to let him know that she felt like he was right but that he didn't have to rush the process of facing those fears—certainly not for her.  
Instead they'd shared a glance, knowing that it could only be Alice and for what purpose they could only guess.

"Is umm…can I…?" there was a heavy sigh, that followed the muffled voice trailing off uncertainly on the other side of the door.

"Trust me, Sweetheart," Bella quietly repeated his same request from earlier.

"It's open, Alice." She casually called over her shoulder as she proceeded to scoot closer to Edward. She began to nuzzle the side of his neck, while draping her arm across his chest and bending her leg to rest on top of his, purposefully creating a rather provocative picture. They both heard the door open, but there was no other sound.

"Need something, Ally?" Edward asked rather innocently, lifting his head ever so slightly, but not so far as to deter Bella's continued attention to the sensitive area located between his scar and his neck.

Alice was standing in the open doorway with her hands on her hips, staring up at the ceiling.

"So does this mean that I can move back into my room upstairs? I mean if you two are this cozy in bed together I figure maybe you'd like to bunk with one another from now on." She finally went on to say, attempting to call their bluff.

She'd been thinking an awful lot about this relationship, especially since she and Bella had gone to lunch the day before. She may need to get past the awkwardness of knowing that this was her best friend and her brother still, but in the grand scheme of things she was overjoyed to witness any sign that would indicate that these two were thriving as a couple. And though it was slightly disturbing to see them _this way_, she was rather intrigued by the new found confidence they had both seemingly acquired as of late.

"Actually you're welcome to move back in whenever." Edward informed her, while giving Bella an appreciative smile as he finally sat up and pulled her in to his side.

It was quite obvious that Alice was trying to figure out what he was really saying—his open-ended statement leaving so many possibilities out there to be considered.  
Was he really going to start sleeping in Bella's room? Had he decided to leave and go back to Colorado? What in the world would make him want to go back to sleeping on the sofa?

"I'm buying a house across town. Mom's working up the offer tonight so she can send it over to her realtor friend in the morning, which means I'll be moving back…"

He didn't get to explain anything further as his little sister had launched herself on top of he and Bella, with an enthusiastic squeal of delight.

"Oh Bubby, that's so amazing. I love you!" he kissed his cheek, "and I love you!" she grabbed Bella and hugged her too. "This is fantastic…I'm so excited and I can't wait to see it…when did you decide this and when did you find a place? And Mom—she knew? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"W—ow." Jasper said, drawing out the word for several seconds, unable to chose anything else to describe the unexpected sight he'd come down the stairs to find.

He hadn't been too keen on letting Alice go down to retrieve Edward and Bella on her own after she had explained what had precipitated their retreat in the first place, but she had assured him that she was only going to knock on the door and announce that dinner had arrived. He never imagined that he would see the three of them sprawled out on top of one another in Bella's bed, especially with Edward being semi-dressed as he was.  
He stood there shaking his head for a minute as Alice resituated herself to one side of Edward while Bella remained on the other, in what appeared to be some type of relaxed, group hug.

"Edward…." Jasper continued to shake his head, knowing that he shouldn't say anything that might embarrass him but he just couldn't ignore the thoughts that were threatening to surface. "Damn. I swear if that was anyone else besides your sister…just damn." He thought about it for a moment more and then closed his mouth and shook his head again.

"Awww, Jazz, are you jealous?" Alice teased innocently snuggling up to Edward's shoulder.

"Okay, so when y'all are sufficiently done trying to unnerve me, there's a movie and shit load of Mexican food upstairs." Jasper announced on his way out, "_Please_, don't be down here too long or you're gonna ruin my enjoyment of some choice guacamole."

"What are we watching?" Edward asked, letting his cheek come to rest against the top of Bella's head still happy to lay there for a moment and hold his two favorite girls. He couldn't have asked for a better response from his sister when mentioning the plans he'd made without her knowledge.

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Alice smirked as she shared a glance with Bella across Edward's chest.

Four short seconds later Alice and Edward could no longer stand it.

"Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart…and that's saying something!" Alice quipped her eyes still playfully focused on her best friend.

"Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch." Edward smirked, addressing Bella as well.

"This lying bitch?" Alice played her role perfectly.

"Guess that was just wishful thinking." He sighed.

Bella chuckled and shook her head at how much Edward and Alice were alike. Quoting random movie dialog seemed to run in the family.

"Alright Chewbacca, why don't you see about finding a shirt and carry your lady love back up the stairs before poor Jasper is forced to start in with the incest jokes. He's from the south you know, he's got tons of those floating around and rarely any excuse to use them, so we wouldn't want to give any ideas." Alice laughed as she rolled over and stood up to go and join him upstairs.

"Tempting but I don't get out of bed for less than half a million dollars" Edward chuckled, repositioning so that he was snuggled up to Bella more thoroughly now that Alice had vacated the space.

"How ironic that there's actually a character named Eddie in this one for you to steal lines from." Alice sighed.

**

End Notes: The lines quoted are from the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and are property of 20th Century Fox/ Regency entertainment…Etc. Etc…I don't own crap…just borrowing some of the hella funny dialog.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: It was making sense about 5 hours ago, now I just keep confusing myself. Finally I figured I'd just post the damn thing and be done with it so that we can move on to the next part, LOL. And yes, I expect the next part to show up relatively soon ;)

Chapter 28

Bella knew that she was dreaming, balancing somewhere in between sleep and wakefulness, but she couldn't seem to get herself to commit to one or the other. Instead she teetered back and forth letting her subconscious thoughts filter into her semi-alert and worry-prone mind.

She knew on some level that this was nothing to be afraid of, she'd already survived everything that her mind was insistent upon reminding her of; plus the events that were playing back as a part her dream were out of order and lacking in detail. All the same she felt uncomfortable and uneasy as the pictures started to make more sense and the dialog she'd been a part of started to become clearer.

It had been one hell of a day and she knew that stress generally caused her to experience a rather fitful night, but she had been hoping for the best when she'd left Edward in favor of her bed a few hours before. What she'd found instead was yet another stress-filled occurrence and yet another disturbing recollection of the very reason for this oddly disjointed dream.

The evening had been off to a good start; she'd always liked being productive and with plenty of things on her agenda she wasn't lacking for potential accomplishments just now. She'd read through more than half of the first manuscript she'd chosen to work on this afternoon, while Edward had finally gotten around to cooking a real dinner for the two of them. As they ate the delicious interpretation of chicken alfredo that he'd come up with, they'd discussed in great detail their morning spent talking, individually and together with Dr. Montgomery. After they'd cleaned up the kitchen and spent a few minutes making out on the sofa like a couple of teenagers, Bella had reluctantly left him so that she might have a few minutes to herself before bedtime. There was nothing of particular consequence awaiting her the next morning, but she was still eager to experience a good night of sleep and some time alone to ponder all that she'd been made aware of earlier in the day.

The words were quite clear as they played through her mind and she could see the room as if she was back in it, sitting comfortably, chatting with her doctor. She stubbornly tried to rewind her thoughts back to the wonderful image of she and Edward on the sofa upstairs but her mind had other plans. For whatever reason she was going to relive her morning spent with Dr. Montgomery whether she liked it or not.

"The only advice that I might have given before now would have been for you to give some careful thought and focus to your own needs."  
Bella looked at the woman seated next to her curiously. She had been very open—almost blunt with her up to this point, but this comment seemed somewhat confusing, almost riddle-like.

"I don't think I understand what you mean." She shook her head slightly.

Dr. Montgomery knew that they had reached a potentially sensitive area within this discussion and she wanted to ease in to the particulars if possible in order to keep Bella feeling reasonably comfortable with what needed to be said. She was hoping that by giving a roundabout answer that Bella might start to put the clues together on her own so that the real answer wouldn't come as such a surprise.

"Have you experienced any dreams lately, which involve you and Edward or you and anyone for that matter, engaged in any sort of intimate act?"

There was only the briefest hesitation before Bella confirmed that she had.

"And when you awakened what was your response?" her doctor probed a bit further.

Bella was obviously thinking, but she could see that confusion was starting to dominate her every feature.

"Remember what I said at the start of this conversation," she gently reminded her before giving any explanation, "there is no point discussing such a topic as sex unless you are prepared to speak of all that it entails. If you can't talk about it, then that is the first clue that you shouldn't be doing it just yet."

Bella nodded eagerly that she understood. "I have no problem hearing whatever it is you wish to tell me. I just don't seem to be following your train of thought right now. Please, feel free to just spell it out. I can take it."  
She smiled shyly, hoping the desperation she felt for this information wasn't as obvious as she thought it might be.

"Very well." Dr. Montgomery conceded.  
"Bella, I know that given your past you may be reluctant to do anything that might trigger the memories of what you went through, but I would like for you to consider that if you and Edward are to be together at some point you need to be as comfortable as possible with the idea of touch.  
It is second nature to most women as they come of age to explore their bodies and as they do so they begin to take note of what feels good and what doesn't—ultimately this morphs into various forms of masturbation once they realize that with prolonged stimulation they can bring themselves to orgasm."  
She could see that the light bulb had finally switched on in Bella's mind and she was pleased that this topic didn't seem to be having a negative affect on her.

"Of course, it stands to reason that we should feel most comfortable with our own touch—knowing that we are in control and we have the power to say when; and eventually, when a woman is willing to share herself with someone else in an intimate fashion, by knowing what to expect, she will ultimately be more comfortable with their touch as well."

"So you would suggest that I _practice_ a bit before I consider anything more involved with Edward?" Bella concluded.

"For lack of a better word—yes. Practice will indeed benefit you both. Not only will you be more comfortable, if not _use_, to the potential sensations it will provoke, you will also have the ability to guide Edward should he feel unsure of himself or awkward when trying to please you."

"I hadn't thought of it that way." Bella mused.

But, just before she'd come to bed it would seem that she could think of nothing else. Distracted by her work or engaged in conversation with Edward, Bella had been able to make it through the remainder of the day with only a few fleeting thoughts to the topic of conversation that she and Dr. Montgomery had spent most of the morning discussing, however within the private confines of her bedroom she was unable to focus her thoughts on anything else.

She'd thought it best to ease into this idea of self-gratification. It had been years since she'd thought to even consider such a thing—not since before the unfortunate incident that seemed to somehow affect every aspect of her life ever since; and back then it had been rather embarrassing and uncomfortable. Now however, she couldn't help but give in to the renewed curiosity she felt.  
Edward's recent kisses, his gentle touch and his words of adoration had fueled her motivation and increased her arousal to the point she felt sure this would be much easier than her previous attempts. It was a natural and instinctive thing, after all. As the doctor had explained, most girls went about this type of exploration at an early age with little or no knowledge of what or why they were prone to doing so.  
But she would find out soon enough that this wasn't going to be as easy as she'd hoped.

Bella felt her body quaking even in her sleep. She was wrapped in her blankets and the side of her face was pressing heavily into her pillows, physically reminding her that she was safe and warm in her bed, but it didn't really seem to help. She knew what was coming, she could see it, but she seemed to be unable to make it stop.

Stripping out of her clothes, she'd opted to run herself a warm bath tonight and while standing in front of the bathroom mirror she began to visually look over her body. She wasn't repulsed by what she saw, instead she felt rather intrigued, as she'd never thought to really take a good look at the woman she'd become. Her breasts were round and firm, not overly large but seemingly proportional to the rest of her body. Her abdomen was soft but flat and her hips seemed to flare ever so slightly, so that there was a hint of curviness to her otherwise slender shape. She didn't see herself this way very often as her clothing choices generally hid any indication of her womanly charms, but she was relatively pleased by what she saw, figuring that at the very least she would be considered reasonably average.

Letting her hands cover her breast, to judge their actual size by comparison, Bella noticed that her nipples respond almost immediately to the feel of her palms coming in contact with them. She knew by now that in Edward's presence, particularly when they'd touch or kiss, her nipples would tend to respond in a like manner, but she hadn't thought herself capable of eliciting such a similar happening.

Feeling as though this was turning into a rather enlightening experience after all she slowly allowed her hands to descend. She closed her eyes, hoping to block out any distractions or embarrassment she might feel, but what she'd managed to do instead was open the doorway to her imagination. At first she saw herself and Edward, as if she were a third party sitting across the room, watching them as they'd held one another on the sofa only moments ago. She took pleasure in being able to see how much Edward seemed to enjoy her kisses and the way she'd caress his face, when she would pause to look into his eyes. As her right hand eventually came in contact with the soft, moistened curls, covering her mound, she saw that Edward had somehow managed to unfasten her jeans and his hand was at an angle and in a position to be cupping her, much like she was doing to herself just now. Though she already knew it, the image confirmed that her mind was taking her through a vivid fantasy rather than providing a convenient playback of previous events.

Using this to her advantage Bella allowed her fingers to part the sensitive outer lips of her sex and carefully she let them slip into the warm, wet folds of skin that surrounded her now throbbing bundle of nerves. Her body shuddered in response, unfamiliar with such contact. This felt very different from anything she'd ever experienced before and she knew that it must have something to do with the advanced stage of her arousal and the exciting prospect of one day allowing Edward to stimulate her in this way.

Bella was breathing heavily with her right hand fisting into her hair. She could feel herself starting to calm slightly, but she was still unable to force herself to wake. She didn't understand why her subconscious was making her recall so much and why she couldn't just wake up and put an end to this torture, all she knew for sure was that she was please that her memory had decided it was time to jump around again. The image of her standing before her bathroom mirror had disappeared and now she was apparently back in the room where she'd spent most of the morning talking with Dr. Montgomery once again.

Bella had used the word sex precisely eight times over the course of her lifetime when not referring to gender; the word penis, a mere four times and only because she had to, based on a lack of other options. Why she knew the exact number of times she had verbalized these words she did not know, but anyone else would likely assume it was because she'd been so uncomfortable when she did. Likewise, any reference to the words—climax, orgasm, ejaculation, masturbation or even a term such as foreplay totaled even less. And if you wanted to venture into slang terminology, the count would likely start to enter the negative digits, as Bella was never one to speak freely about anything of an intimate nature—her own experiences and a significant lack of _good_ ones preventing her from ever wanting to recap any such memories.

Here with Dr. Montgomery however she had instigated this discussion and miraculously she found herself feeling quite comfortable with the matter at hand. She was convinced that it was because she was ready and she'd found a man that she loved and respected deeply—so much so that she was willing to risk herself to show her affections. Not only did she want Edward to find pleasure in her body, she wanted to solidify this bond they shared and make their relationship something intimate and special—something she'd never had nor wanted with anyone else.

Aside from the obvious, Bella also felt like her comfort had much to do with the company and their surroundings. The office space that her doctor had procured for their use was very generic, making it seem like this could be any old office, perhaps that of a lawyer or a business man, maybe an executive. There was a desk and a pair of bookshelves, containing your basic leather-bound medical volumes, and a few standard issue office chairs. To one side of the room there was a short nondescript sofa situated against the wall, which Dr. Montgomery had chosen to utilize.

She sat to one end, while Bella occupied the other, each turned slightly so that they were sort of facing the other—giving the impression that this was once again not a conversation taking place between a doctor and their patient, but that of two friends talking over some random concern—perhaps in one or the other's living room, instead of a consultation office within a hospital as this actually was.

"Bella, I cannot tell you how proud I am of both you and Edward. You have already accomplished so much and in such a mature and informed manner," her doctor praised.

At this point, Bella had brought her up to speed on all that had transpired since their last meeting. The progression of their relationship, both emotionally and physically and she'd been able to ask the all-important question she'd come to seek advice about.  
She wanted to know more about sex.

She'd been through both high school and college level biology classes by now and she'd also attended the thinly veiled excuse for Sex-Ed that most high schools covertly referred to as "health" class. So the question was not one about the mechanics or the physical act itself but more a question of what she might do to insure that the process was not tainted by her previously traumatic experience.

When she'd pursued such a discussion with her trusted psychologist she never would have imagine that she would be there, standing in front of her bathroom mirror later that evening, her eyes closed, her hands exploring part of her body that she had all but deemed off limits, while her mind insisted upon conjuring up images to entice her with.  
The downside to all of this was that despite the encouragement and the overall willingness she felt, it just wasn't enough.

Bella tugged mercilessly on the fistful of hair she still held onto, and felt her throat close off when she attempted to cry out for some form of relief, some end to this madness.

She was in control to a point, but the very act made her feel as though she had none. Her mind was on a path of it's own and she was powerless to keep her thoughts away from what she feared the most. Suddenly the beautiful, loving scene she'd been thinking about started to change. She was no longer sitting up facing Edward, her fingers lightly toying with the soft hairs at the back of his neck; instead she was flat of her back, both hands pinned above her head and the weight of his body pressing down on her. Her fingers instinctively stilled and her body grew cold. The moisture which had started to coat her fingers seemed to have disappeared and she was reminded of another time, when there had been a very unwelcome hand touching her this way. This was no longer she and Edward engaged in a loving act that was meant to convey the affection they held for one another. This was a frightened and confused version of her subconscious reminding her of a time she'd been fighting to forget. The rough, dry friction that had somehow replaced the soft, slick feeling she was learning to enjoy was panic inducing at best and Bella shuddered this time from revulsion, pulling her hand away from her body in disgust.

Forcing her eyes to open in an attempt to banish this image Bella found her reflection in the mirror and gasped. Her face was stricken and her complexion paled. What was once a curious and vibrant picture of her self had now taken on the appearance of a woman who had been utterly defeated.  
Bella turned away and wrapped her arms protectively around her middle, staggering awkwardly towards the bath. Her legs felt weak and the remnants of her initial excitement clinging to her skin made the process all the more difficult as she turned off the tap and gently lowered herself into the scalding tub of water. Her skin prickled in protest to the drastic temperature change but she was pretty well numb to any outside stimulation at this moment. Pulling a cloth from the little shelf nearby she roughly lathered it with soap and began to mercilessly scrub her body, trying in vain to erase these horrible images and the feelings they had provoked.

Tears were soaking into the pillowcase beneath her head now as she silently cursed her situation. Reluctantly she submitted to whatever was next, ready to give up on the idea of saving herself the pain of reliving this awful experience. For now the worst was over. Unless her mind was set on some type of recurring loop she might have some small hope of making it through the rest of the night.

"I'd like for you to keep in mind that practice can involve many different things."  
Seeing that Bella was handling this information so well, she thought to take it a step further and give her some suggestions she might have been reluctant to impart before now. She didn't want to dissuade Bella from pursuing a sexual relationship if that is what she felt compelled to seek with Edward, but she felt it was important to make her aware that she had many different options available outside of intercourse. And considering her history she felt like Bella might benefit from a very gradual approach to sex in general.

"I'd like to give you an analogy if I may." She waited briefly for Bella to nod her consent; "There are two schools of thought on how to approach any situation that a person is unfamiliar with—take learning to swim for example. The first is to dive right in and get it over with, a sink or swim type of approach if you will. The second is to be patient and gradually test the water before you slowly enter the shallow end of the pool, acclimating to the feel of the water and what your body is capable of and comfortable with, before moving forward.  
The same techniques can be applied to almost anything, especially sex. In my experience as a doctor, talking with people who have many different perspectives and opinions, I can honestly say the happier, more successful relationships tend to come from those that take the more careful approach."

"How come teachers and parents don't tell you this stuff?" Bella chuckled a bit, impressed as always with her doctor's ability to make things seem so obvious and simple.

"Most parents are too embarrassed to speak so candidly with their children, preferring either a 'don't do it at all', or 'go right ahead but I really don't want to know about it' approach. And teachers are usually influenced by a strict curriculum. They are told what they can and cannot tell students on the subject, pretty much sharing a safe sex or no sex attitude, when it comes to the advice part of the class."

"I suppose you're right as always." Bella agreed, before encouraging her to continue with this line of thinking.

"So, in terms of taking this careful approach, what exactly would that entail?" she went on to ask, eager to get back to the subject at hand, seeing some real benefit to the advice she was receiving so far.

"Well, it can be anything really so long as it helps you learn to be more comfortable with each other in an intimate fashion. On the innocent side of things you might consider something like sleeping in the same bed from time to time or finding various reasons for touching one another, such as massage. You might also eventually find ways to see one another with less clothing, perhaps in a bathing suit or undergarments only." Dr. Montgomery saw a bit of discomfort creeping into Bella's posture so she paused waiting for some type of explanation or a question if she felt so inclined ask one.

"Everything okay?" she cautiously wondered when Bella insisted on remaining silent.

"Yes." Bella simply responded, "I'd like to hear more."

"It's quite easy to find reason enough to do such things," she went on to assure her. "You might want to go swimming together or perhaps have some need to change clothes with the other present. I like to think of it as a bit of desensitization really. If you've seen your partner in some state of undress already, in a relatively innocent circumstance and perhaps touched them intimately on occasion prior to the moment you wish to have intercourse then the comfort level can increase exponentially."

Dr. Montgomery paused and reached to pour herself a glass of water from the pitcher sitting on the nearby table, giving Bella ample opportunity to absorb the information and comment or question her further if she liked.  
Bella said nothing so she took that as her cue to continue for now.

"Now I know you've said that neither you nor Edward has had any prior experience with another partner, so I would also suggest that you consider, at some point, bringing each other to climax without penetration, since the number one reason most people are disappointed by their first sexual experience is that they find it unfulfilling or that it seemed to be lacking something in their opinion. Your inexperience alone will make things difficult, in that you will most likely be a bit uncomfortable the first time since you still have a barrier that needs to be broken; and Edward, unfamiliar with the feel of a woman's body will likely have little say so in how _his_ body responds to the act of entering yours initially."

Bella had suddenly found that the industrial carpeting in the room was the most fascinating thing ever. She needed this information and she valued the advice her doctor was willing to give but she was suddenly and overwhelmingly embarrassed by the casual way in which her virginity was being discussed and the multitude of new questions this subject seemed to bring forth.

"Bella?" Dr. Montgomery was quick to notice that her attention was officially focused elsewhere.

She'd been concerned that they were headed in this direction over the past few minutes, but till now Bella had been rather insistent that she was fine. Her doctor knew better than to press her for information or insist that she tell her what she was thinking, so instead she'd continued to go on with her recommendations until they managed to reach a point where Bella could no longer avoid the issue.

"Is there any way to insure that it won't hurt? I'm not afraid for my sake particularly, but if I were to indicate in any manner that I was in pain, I think that Edward might react rather poorly. He's quite stubborn and very self-conscious. If he thought that he'd done something wrong or something that had caused me discomfort I'm pretty sure there wouldn't be any sort of second try for quite some time."

"Edward is an extremely intelligent man, by your own description; I'm sure that he already knows that the possibility of your first time being without some measure of discomfort is highly unlikely. Unfortunately for every woman this is something we must go through before we can experience the pleasure one might know with intercourse, but I can assure you that everyone's experience is different and they aren't all bad.  
For most, if your partner is gentle there is little more than an uncomfortable burning sensation and some pressure your body must acclimate to. Some say that the feeling is a bit more intense, perhaps like that of ripping off a Band-Aid—though the sensation is expected it's somewhat sharp and therefore surprising nonetheless, but fortunately in both situations the feeling tends to dissipate rather quickly. Only in very rare cases, which can result from a woman with extenuating medical issues or most often from a partner that is rather rough and uncaring, there can be a more of painful outcome."

Bella nodded her understanding, rather confident that she and Edward would no doubt fall into the first and most desirable situation that had been described.  
What she had neglected to say however was that by discussing all of this touching and exploring it brought to the forefront of her mind memories that she had wished to rid herself of permanently. James had not kissed her, he had not entered her body and he had not stripped her bare. He had however _touched_ her, he had exposed and bitten her naked breast, and he had managed to violate her innocence in an unforgivable way. To think of sex in these terms—to understand that most people found pleasure in something that had always been the very thing that Bella feared the most, was too much to consider right now. No matter how much she wanted this with Edward, no matter how ready she thought she was, there was still a lot to learn and a lot that she would need to come to terms with. Could she allow Edward to touch her in this way? Could she expose her body to him? Would she ever find these actions satisfying and pleasurable after the harsh and unwanted way that her body had been violated?

The hot water had managed to raise her body temperature significantly so as she made to haul herself out of the tub she felt her body shaking from the much cooler air and residual fear that remained. In a bit of a trance she wandered out into her bedroom, partially drying off and wrapping an oversized flannel shirt around her body as she stumbled into a pair of sweats she had nearby. Curling her body into a position that made her feel safe she closed her eyes and attempted to sleep.

"Stop…no…please, no…" Bella rocked back and forth, trying to pull herself from this situation all over again, knowing it was just a dream, but not having the strength to make herself stop its progression. Why did her hazy sleep addled brain keep taking her back to such an unwanted memory?

"NO!!!" she repeated more forcefully, her body finally jerking awake, sitting up in bed only to find herself face to face with a terribly concerned Edward.

"Jesus Baby, are you okay?" he gasped, obviously unsure whether it was safe to touch her or not, his hands hovering uncertainly in between them.  
"I was…I heard you all the way upstairs and I was worried." He explained, "You've been alternately mumbling and crying out in your sleep for the past five minutes or so and I couldn't seem to wake you."

Her head was pounding and her eyes felt dry and irritated as she tried to make sense of what he was telling her.

"What time is it?" she asked softly, her voice sounding unusually gruff.

"Around five." He answered gently.

"You were already awake?" she wondered.

"I had a lot on my mind last night; I never sleep really well when I have a lot to think about." He explained, "Figured I'd get a head start on my coffee intake and maybe see what I could make you for breakfast this morning, but then I heard you…" He still didn't know how to ask, or what she might be willing to tell him, but it was quite obvious that she had been dreaming and that it hadn't been about anything pleasant.

Bella sighed a little and rubbed at her eyes.

"I've got a lot on my mind too and I guess some of the stuff I've been thinking about might have triggered a few too many bad memories."  
His sad eyes told her that he understood what she was really saying.

"Can I do anything to help?" he asked after they'd sat quietly for a moment, not looking at one another nor speaking.

The silence continued as Bella sat staring down at the comforter still covering her legs, despite what must have been a rather valiant attempt to kick it off, judging by the tangled mess it was bundled up into. As she sat thinking she must have realized that Edward was either being extraordinarily patient or he was unsure of what else to say at the moment. Fortunately Bella felt comforted by his presence even if she didn't know exactly what to tell him right now. So time went on for a while longer until she finally stretched her legs out and looked up to see that Edward was busy trying to focus his attention on anything other than the poorly buttoned shirt she was sort of wearing.

"Edward," she tentatively spoke, "I want you to help me forget."

Edward didn't know exactly what to do, but he was willing to try anything. He hated that Bella felt so vulnerable still, that she continued to suffer for what had happened so long ago; and if she felt like he was somehow the answer to her being able to forget then he was going to do whatever he could.

"Do you have to work today?" he asked, placing a single finger under her chin so that she would lift her eyes to look at him, simultaneously allowing him to test whether it was safe to reach out for her as he desired.

She shook her head, knowing that the day before had been far more productive than necessary.

"Okay," he smiled a bit, "In that case, we'll make an entire day of it."

"What?" Bella had to ask, her curiosity piqued.

"Well, I do believe that you said you'd be willing to go out on a date with me, so I figure what better way to get your mind off of unpleasant things than to take you someplace fun and exciting." She could hear nothing but enthusiasm in his voice so she felt herself relax and agree to his plan.

"What did you have in mind?" she wondered as his thumb started to caress the curve of her jaw, his eyes hungrily fixated upon her lips.

"I haven't got a clue, but we'll figure something out." He whispered, while leaning in marginally closer.

"Is this okay?" he asked just a moment before his lips would make contact. He couldn't seem to help himself, but he knew that she was feeling uncertain about a lot of things this morning—any reminder of her past was likely to, and rightfully so, make skittish.

Bella placed her hand lightly against the side of his face and felt her lips lift into a smile of their own accord. She needed time, that much was obvious; and a hell of a lot more practice she felt sure, but this connection she felt with him couldn't be denied or ignored. No matter how persistant those fears and memories tried to be, she was going to succeed, she was going to learn to deal, because she wanted this man more than anything.

"Always." She promised.


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: Just a little bitty backtrack so that we're all up to speed on Edward's situation at this point before we get on with what comes next. Not that I'm eager to get E & B out of her bedroom or anything ;)

Chapter 29

Edward's heart was hurting as he held this girl—this woman who had come to mean so much to him in such a short period of time. He recognized immediately that this pain had likely begun to manifest because of how easily he could sympathize with her distress, knowing very well how debilitating an emotion such as fear could be. But what had caused his heart to truly suffer on her behalf was being made to see just how insecure she continued to be.

It was once the initial surprise of seeing him there as she'd awakened was over and she'd had some time to settle from the overall experience, that he'd been made to see this insecurity first hand. Seemingly out of nowhere, she had become so worried about her appearance and embarrassed by her unknown and uncontrollable actions from before. And no matter how many times he tried to reassure her and promise her that she was beautiful, and wonderful, and perfect, he could tell that she still had her doubts. He could also see that she was feeling an overwhelming sense of shame for what she would most likely consider some form of weakness.

Of course he knew all of this because he and Bella were very much alike in that regard.  
All his life, Edward had felt the same type of uncertainty and imperfection that Bella was stressing over this morning, making his heart hurt for her even more, since he knew just how hard that burden was to bear.

Frustrated by his inability to do more, he'd taken her into his arms and he'd held her, offering his love and support and whatever strength she might be able to find in him, while internally cursing his own problems, since they continued to make him feel so ill equipped to help deal with hers.

In realizing the extent of his inadequacies, his thoughts had started to drift off, focusing on his family—his sister especially. He felt awful thinking about all of the time and effort she'd spent worrying throughout her young life, thanks to him. He'd done so little to show his appreciation for her devotion; and at times he could even recall having some rather adverse reactions to her insistence that he continue to _try,_ for the sake of others. Now here he was, right where he wanted to be, thanks to her. She had all but handed him this woman that he was meant to love and in the process she had made him see that he was indeed capable of so much more. He'd just needed the right motivation and it would seem that Alice had finally found it.

He glanced over at Bella's peaceful expression as she slept there beside him, her head upon his shoulder, her hand resting above his heart, and he foolishly wondered if she might even be able to feel how much it was aching. Unlikely as it was, he still thought to question the possibility, knowing that he had never felt so connected to another person.  
It was such an interesting concept to consider and even though his logical brain had already informed him that it wasn't likely, he couldn't seem to let it go—especially when he started to remember how he'd come to find her in the first place.

He felt sure that what he had told her was true. He had been in the kitchen just before, about to have a look through the refrigerator, when he'd heard her.  
Or had he?

Now lying here thinking about it all over again, he couldn't recall exactly what had made him want to wander over and pause at the top of the stairs; but only after he had could he say for sure that he'd heard anything out of the ordinary.  
Was it possible that he'd been able to _sense_ her distress?

He eventually determined that whatever the reason he'd come to find her and ultimately pull her from the panic-inducing situation she'd been in, he didn't really care. All that mattered at the moment was that she had finally calmed and was now sleeping soundly there beside him. So, with his heart hurting and his mind rambling through his usual obsessive thoughts, he was content to lay there with Bella, happy that she was finally able to rest.

As he carefully let his fingers trace a soothing little pattern across her back, he wouldn't admit that this turn of events had upset him exactly, except for the most obvious reasons of course, but he still knew that he was feeling disappointed to some degree. This was supposed to have been a good day, as the day prior had seen Edward making bold new strides towards fixing many of his issues; such a positive experience leaving him motivated and eager to move forward with the suggestions Dr. Montgomery had so brilliantly recommended.

Having met with his fair share of doctors, Edward could honestly say he'd never had the privilege of knowing someone quite like Sarah Montgomery. She was patient and kind, incredibly unassuming and very eager to learn what it was that Edward needed most from someone like her. She didn't try to pick his brain or ask questions that had no real purpose, all in a misguided attempt to try and _figure_ him out. Instead she had calmly introduced herself and spent a few minutes thanking him for all that he'd done to help Bella. It was easy to see how genuine she was and how much she really cared about Bella and immediately she'd gained his respect.

Not only had Dr. Montgomery managed to make a stellar first impression, but Edward had also promised Bella that he would carefully assess himself and consider his options, before deciding whether or not he should go through with this meeting right away; and of course, he had honestly done as she'd asked.  
He'd weighed the pros and cons and asked himself important questions as to what he really hoped to accomplish by seeing yet another doctor. He'd thought about his relationship with Bella and the happiness he'd known since meeting her. And he'd thought about his family. What they had already been through with him and the fact that he could always count on their unwavering support no matter what. In the end, he was able to confidently conclude that he basically had nothing to loose and potentially so much more to gain from this experience, therefore he would give it one more try.

Now, it was no secret that Edward had tremendous difficultly meeting new people. He worried about what they might think of him, what would be expected of him. He preferred to avoid the stress of having to be on guard and ever mindful of his words and actions, not knowing how someone new might respond to what he knew were rather odd isms that he'd developed over the years.  
So, it might have been the glowing praise that Bella had already given this dear woman; or the fact that, just moments prior to actually meeting her, his father had given him some insight as to her preferred methods, as he'd spent his time waiting for Bella to finish up with her own session in his father's office down the hall; but whatever it was that had really managed to put him at ease, he couldn't have been happier with the outcome. He felt comfortable with her and it was quite clear right from the beginning that they could talk as much or as little about whatever he wanted to address. He was in charge of this process and she was just there to listen and provide helpful bits of knowledge when necessary.  
Now, he was trying to recall every little thing she'd said to him in hopes that it might help him cope with this current situation a little better.

He knew that earlier, since he'd been unable to sleep, partially because of his excitement, he'd figured there was no time like the present to try out this new regime he'd come up with based on Dr. Montgomery's advice. His initial plan had been to see about breakfast for he and Bella and if it appeared that she was going to sleep in for a while, as she was prone to doing, he would spend some time exercising this morning.

It would seem that Dr. Montgomery was in favor of his father's recommendation for regular, strenuous physical activity, noting that it could do wonders for relieving stress; and indeed his own personal experiences had assured him that they were most likely correct. He'd always felt better, if not calmer, when he was in a position to exercise on a regular basis, so taking time to run or do a few pushups each morning was now permanently on his agenda.  
In addition, he had also been encouraged to begin keeping a journal, or diary of sorts. It wasn't meant to be a traditional journal, in the sense that he would be reflecting on whatever he might have experienced each day, but instead it was a way to keep track of his goals and accomplishments.

Alice had talked about taking _baby steps_ with Bella, in reference to exposing her to new people and experiences, and it would seem that this idea might have originated with the good doctor. She had explained that there were no deadlines and no quotas to fill and that there never would be, but in order to make progress a person had to be aware of themselves and a journal was the perfect way to make someone accountable for their efforts. She also pointed out that a cluttered mind often became a confused mind. So in theory, by writing down whatever he wanted to focus on each day or each week, it would help alleviate some of his mental burden. The concept was a welcome one and the need immediately made perfect sense to him.

Her challenge, involving this journal, was for Edward to start off with simple things, the simpler the better in fact—_baby steps_. And what she wanted him to do was eventually think of at least five potential situations that he would most likely find intimidating and therefore be the types of things he'd generally avoid, and then he should try to think about why they made him feel uncomfortable. She suggested that these situations be the types of things he'd really like to be comfortable in doing one day, so that should he be successful in this exercise he might actually benefit directly from completing the task.  
He liked this idea most of all, since without actually saying it, she was basically agreeing with his most recent theory—that he should be able to overcome his fears if only he could recognize them individually and learn what might be the underlying causes. He also like that he got to choose what he was willing to try and how he might go about achieving these goals. It allowed him to move at his own pace and would likely provide an even greater sense of accomplishment whenever he found success.

Excited as he was to get started on all of this he'd only gotten so far as locating the notebook, which he usually packed along for his programming research, should he have ideas pop up that he would want to remember. Taking the book with him, he'd meandered down the stairs a couple of hours ago, ready to start some coffee and spend a few minutes thinking. He figured that he could jot down a few of the situations he'd already come up with in his notebook as he waited for the coffee to brew, then he would go back upstairs and find something to change into that would be appropriate for his workout this morning.  
However, as it would turn out, his plans had stopped there. He didn't get the coffee started; he hadn't been able to write anything down; and he certainly hadn't made it back up to find a change of clothes. He was pulled away from everything else the moment he'd been made aware of her predicament. Everything he'd been thinking about and planning on had suddenly taken a backseat and his only priority had become Bella.

"Bella!" Alice chirped happily.

"Shh…Ally, it's me." Edward corrected in a low, even tone.

"Why are you calling from Bella's phone?" Alice chuckled, "And why are we talking so quietly?" she added half a second later with an overdone whisper.

The answer was a simple one, but Edward was too embarrassed to tell his sister that Bella was currently wrapped around him as she slept and that he had been too reluctant to leave her so that he might go off and find his own phone. Add to his explanation that he was calling to seek her advice, since his thoughts were so muddled by other worries and concerns that he couldn't seem to focus on the appropriate details that needed to be considered for this _date_ he'd somehow obligated himself to fulfill, and he would be tempted to hang up and rethink his options all over again.

As it was, he'd already been stewing over what he should do for the better part of twenty minutes, having decided that it was best to focus on one thing at a time instead of obsessing over every little concern that thought to jump up and down within his brain. He'd promised Bella a date that would help her forget all of her worries and fears and now he just had to come up with something that might actually be able to do that.  
Of course, he'd tried to come up with a plan on his own initially; then he'd thought to wait on Bella to awaken and just ask her opinion. He'd also briefly wondered if maybe he could just take her for a drive in hopes that along the way to wherever he might have some stroke of genius and come up with a plan, spur of the moment. However, each of his ideas had been lacking something. Whether it was cleverness, spontaneity, or romance, he wasn't sure, but he felt like something as important as their first official outing as a couple deserved to be something _more.  
_Unfortunately he was so caught up in his indecision that he couldn't seem to do anything more constructive than worry about what might be missing, instead of focusing on what the date should consist of in the first place.

Though he hated to admit it, Edward was smart enough to know when he was in over his head. The frustrating part of it all was that he felt like this was something that he should be able to handle on his own. He knew Bella and felt comfortable with her—confident that she would appreciate any effort he might put into planning their day together, but given the circumstances and enough time to think about it, he was forced to admit that his chaotic mental state was going to require that he seek a little outside help instead. Especially since it had become rather obvious that he'd managed to take all five things he was tempted to write in his journal, plus a few he hadn't even thought to consider yet, and had somehow roll them all into one hell of an intimidating mess without even meaning to.

The first problem was that he hadn't given himself time to consider what this outing would really mean—what he would be forced to overcome in order to make it happen. Secondly, he didn't have time to build up his courage and come up with a reasonable plan all at once. One thing at a time was all he could handle and at the time he'd had to handle Bella's wish to forget. Now he was left needing someone to help him figure out exactly how he was really going to do that.

Having already thought of his sister and how good she had always been to him just moments before, he knew that not only would she be eager to assist him, but she would most likely love that he would think to come to her for advice on this matter. That in mind, without giving himself time to chicken out, he'd reached for Bella's phone.

"I'm taking Bella out today, but I need some help figuring out where to go—what we should do." He answered, hoping to distract her. It got to the point of his call, but conveniently managed to avoid her specific questions.

"Oooooooh." She playfully teased, still dramatically whispering from her end of the conversation.

"You can talk normally you freak, just don't go all shrieking banshee again or you might wake Bella." He told her.

"Are you guys really sleeping together?" Alice asked again, unable to help her curiosity or censor her words.  
This was the second early morning phone conversation that had the wrong person speaking to her on the other's phone, with obvious signs that they were together at the time. Add to it the straight up in your face moment she'd been privy to the other night as she'd watched her brother kiss the shit out of her best friend and she had to guess that things were head that way in a hurry, if they hadn't already gone there.

"She's sleeping, I'm not." Edward skirted around that question as well.  
He'd been rather impressed by her casual mention of such a subject, but that didn't mean he was inclined to answer with anything other than sarcasm.

"So a date, huh?" Alice thankfully decided to let it go for now.

"Yeah." Edward sighed.

He didn't know why, but the prospect of dating still scared the hell out of him. This was something he wanted to experience with Bella and it had been his idea to make it happen today. Even so, he understood that the blame for this nervous uncertainty he was having to deal with rested with the very thing that generally caused all of his problems—his stubborn need for perfection and an irrational fear of failure. And of course, were he to be honest with himself, he couldn't deny that the decision had been made at least partially out of desperation, leaving him unprepared for the more detailed decision making process that would follow.

"You know that you could do something as simple as take Bella for a walk in the park and she'd be completely over the moon, right?" Alice informed him.

It was quite apparent that Edward felt like he was supposed to impress Bella in some manner and since it gave her a wonderful excuse to think in extravagant terms, Alice didn't bother to argue the point. Bella deserved the best and she was proud of her brother for being so determined to make her feel important.  
Understanding his dilemma she wanted to help Edward, but knowing him as well as she did, she recognized right away that it would be most beneficial to remind him that Bella was already undeniably smitten with his goofy self and that she was just a simple girl—in the very best way possible.

"I know, but it's our first real date and I want to do something special, something she might not be expecting and something that she'll always remember." He'd confessed.

"Aww, who knew my Bubby was such a romantic?" Alice giggled in response, her poor little heart threatening sing with happiness.  
She could tell that he was nervous and totally over thinking this, per usual; but at the same time it was almost comforting to realize that he hadn't really changed all that much, despite his progress. Even though she wanted him to get better at being out and about, meeting new people and generally living a happy and fulfilled life, she loved her brother and she didn't really want him to lose all of those endearing qualities she was so use to.

"Ally, please." He groaned.  
He hadn't thought to keep his voice as controlled just then, thanks to his embarrassment and of course Bella began to stir. He held his breath for a second and glanced at how she was irritably frowning as she cuddled in closer, gripping his t-shirt slightly before seeming to settle once again. He had to smile at how adorable she was in her sleep, not even realizing how distracted by the sight he'd become.

"Okay, so what have you come up with so far?" Alice had decided to get down to business, during his preoccupation.

She was overjoyed to be helping her brother with such a task, but it was getting late and she had to be into work this morning. If she kept getting caught up in these giddy little moments she'd never make it in on time today, since she'd opted to stay over with Jasper the night before. Having barely walked through the door of the apartment when the phone had grabbed her attention, she still needed to shower and dress this morning, not to mention, after her physically demanding night away, she needed some serious sustenance to get her energy level back on track after such a workout.

"Not much. I figured we could go someplace nice to eat and catch a movie later, but I sort of decided last minute that we could make a day of it and I'm a little stumped as to what we should do with the rest of our time."

"How opposed to people are you feeling today?" Alice wondered, knowing that the movie was well within his comfort zone, but she worried about his ability to venture into an actual restaurant, or any place else for that matter.

"As long as I've got Bella with me, I think I'll be alright. I want to try, but whether I succeed or not is still questionable." He admitted rather begrudgingly.

"Okay. I've got ideas, but you're gonna have to decide two things first. What are you really capable of and how much do you trust me?" Alice smirked.

"Can I hear the ideas before I decide?" Edward grinned, knowing that his sister would hate that.

"Edward! Do you want my help or not?" she pouted, thankfully keeping her volume in check.

"Of course I do, and you know I trust you. Why do you think I called?" he attempted to placate her wounded ego.

"Alright here it is. When Bella gets up, tell her to pack a bag. She should dress casually for now, but pack something nice for later. You don't have to be specific about what she should bring, but I suggest _you_ pack along an extra shirt or two incase she forgets something to sleep in. Then you…"

"Alice?" Edward started to interrupt.

"Hear me out lover boy. I'm pressed for time here and I don't need you interrupting my brilliance." Alice chuckled.

"Okay." He decided with a touch of skepticism. No harm in at least hearing her out he figured, but he was already a little leery as to where this might be heading.

"Now," she went on to say before filling him in on the rest of her plan.

Edward laid there for a long moment thinking this through. He'd asked for special and memorable and by god she'd given him more than he would have ever be able to come up with on his own and then some.

"I'll call ahead and handle everything during my lunch break for tonight, you just have to deal with the getting the two of you there." Alice reassured him.

"Ally, I know I don't say it enough, but I love you." Edward told his sister. He didn't mean for such emotion to sneak into his voice, but somehow he was unable to control it.

"I've never doubted that, Edward."  
She might have come back with some sort of playful retort had she not been able to sense just how genuine he was being. As it was she could hardly speak for how touched by his sincerity she was.  
"I know you don't see it for yourself, but you have this incredible ability to tell someone what you're feeling without saying a word." She chose to inform him. "I'm happy to help anytime you want to impress Bella, but I want you to know that no matter what you do, she knows that you love her. You couldn't hide it even if you tried and therefore _anything_ you do with her or for her is going to be incredibly special."

She ended the call then, apologizing for her need to get to work and Edward thanked her again, promising to call once he and Bella got on the road in a little while, to let her know exactly what time they might actually arrive in Seattle.

Alice showered and dressed for work on the double, but that didn't mean there wasn't a moment spent patting herself on the back for her quick thinking and well-controlled handling of Edward's little predicament. She was surprised that she hadn't even thought to come up with a few ideas that she might be willing to share before now, but she also hadn't thought that Edward would truly seek out her advice when it came to such things either. She had offered and made herself available, still she had to assume that Edward would either avoid the entire topic of dating as long as possible or he'd stubbornly rely on what he felt most comfortable in doing to begin with. Never would she have guessed that he'd be so willing to go all out and attempt something so out of character so early on. She was proud of him though, and hearing him say just how much he appreciated her help made it all the more satisfying. Yes, the love coach, Alice Cullen, was only half a step away from a gold medal it would seem.

After he'd set Bella's phone back on the nightstand where he'd found it, he covered the hand that she still had resting over his heart. He slowly turned his body until he was facing her and carefully went about lacing their fingers together.

"Baby," he said softly, trying to coax her into waking.

When she continued to slumber, he carefully shifted until his was in a better position to kiss her. He started first with her forehead, before lifting their joined hands. He took his time and enjoyed the feel of her delicate fingertips as he caressed them with his lips, before redirecting his attention to her invitingly rosy cheek.

"Come on Bella, it's time to wake up." He whispered near her ear, before kissing the spot he'd uncovered just beneath it, as he thought to move her fragrant hair aside.  
She moaned a bit and snuggled even further into him, but she seemed content to settle once again, after briefly gripping his hand and tucking her head to rest against his chest.  
Edward's shoulders were beginning to shake as he fought to control his amused laughter.

He'd been so desperate to wake her earlier, but she'd stubbornly refused, worrying him to the point that he was ready to start swearing from frustration. He knew that he couldn't forcibly make her rouse, but he'd been sorely tempted to try it earlier. Now however, he was more intrigued by her impressive ability to sleep so deeply than he was unnerved by it. He caressed her hair and smiled. Everything about this woman fascinated him and today he was going to treat her, as she deserved to be treated. He would show her what it meant to be loved by him—if she'd ever wake up that is.

His day had already had enough ups and downs; now with a full day of activities planned, thanks to his little chat with Alice, he was feeling the start of another upswing and he was more than ready to keep that momentum going. So, determined to get those beautiful brown eyes to open Edward diligently renewed his efforts.

He wiggled around until Bella sought to loosen her hold and he was again at a better angle to see her. He gently nudged her nose with his own to reposition her, before lightly kissing his way along her jaw line. Up then down again.

"Wake up for me, beautiful." He said, his voice deep and pleading as he took possession of her lips.  
Again Bella moaned, but this time her hand let go of his and came up to rub gently along his stubble covered cheek, before threading her fingers into his disheveled hair.

"Edward," she sighed, as if finally recognizing him when he pulled away with a happy little grin.

"Good morning, my love." She heard him say as his lips lightly brushed over hers again.

"I fell asleep," she realized, almost asking for him to confirm it.

"Yes you did." He told her, "and you are undoubtedly the most difficult person on the planet to wake up." He chuckled, as he turned their bodies so that she was on her back as he carefully hovered above her.

She opened her eyes finally and looked up to see him smiling down at her.

"Do I get to sleep some more?" she wondered, secretly hoping that if she fell asleep again, perhaps he might insist upon waking her in a similar manner once more.

"Not right now, but maybe later." He smirked. "I've got plans for us and I need you awake for at least a few minutes so that we can get going."

"What are we doing?" she asked, obviously intrigued by his confident handling of the situation.

Before, when they spent some time talking quietly after she'd been startled awake following her nightmares, Edward had promised to fulfill his offer to take her out on a date, but at the time she'd seen his adorable shyness take over and stall whatever sort of plan he might have had in mind. Now, after she'd taken another little nap, this time blessedly safe within his arms, she'd awakened to find a very different version of him awaiting her.

"_You_ are going to get dressed and pack up a change of clothes for later and _I'm_ going to take care of everything else." He informed her with another confident little grin.

"Edward, I don't like surprises; you know that." She tried to re-inform him. Unfortunately the dazzled look in her eyes and the little smile stubbornly pulling at her lips told him otherwise.

"It's not really a surprise, since I'll tell you all about it on the way. And if you need some help deciding what to pack, I have it on good authority that Alice should be to work soon and is likely available to take a phone call." He went on to say.

That settled they stayed there smiling at one another for a moment, not saying a word, just sharing a few extra seconds of this time together. Bella reached up and let her fingertips gently brush the hair away from his forehead and then she allowed them to follow a path down the side of his face. His smile grew even brighter as she affectionately caressed his softening beard.

"I'll do whatever you ask on one condition," she offered in a soft voice.

Edward nodded slightly, encouraging her to continue.

"You're not allowed to shave today." She decided.

He had to laugh, not really expecting _that_ to be her one stipulation, but so did she.

"Will you tell me why not?" he chuckled.

"Because," Bella took a deep breath and look down at his chest, unable to keep eye contact as she contemplated her confession, "I umm…I think its pretty sexy," she cleared her throat uncomfortably fighting another giggle, " but its more than that. When I can feel it, I don't have to worry; I know that its _you_." She looked up with a very reassuring smile to make sure that he got her meaning.  
His amused expression immediately changed to one of concerned understanding.

"Your scent, your beard, your cold hands even, they all remind me that I'm with you and that I have nothing to be afraid of." she clarified. "It makes me feel safe."

Edward didn't know what to say to that right away, so he just pulled her in close and held onto her for a moment. Touching as her admission was it made Edward briefly wonder if he could truly live up to this ideal. Could he really keep her safe and protect her from all that she feared? Was his love going to be enough to make her forget all that she'd been made to suffer? And would she still want him if he couldn't?

"Stop freaking out on me, Sweetheart." Bella playfully insisted.  
She'd been quite serious and sincere when she'd finally told him about her theory concerning this obsession she seemed to have with his facial hair, but she'd never meant to put any undue pressure on him. Unfortunately she could tell by his suddenly rigid posture and the feel of him beginning to unconsciously tug on the sleeve of her shirt that she had somehow triggered his anxiety.

"I've had a pretty rough night and I'm sort of looking forward to this fabulous date my boyfriend has apparently concocted while I was catching up on my sleep, so we can't be having these little setbacks." She teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"But what if I let you down and at some point you no longer feel that way?" he asked, his eyes downcast again and his fingers worrying at his own shirt collar now.

He wanted to say more, but Bella had become fully awake now and was ready to state her case.

"You are everything that I've ever wanted and never knew that I needed," Bella promised him. "This right here," she indicated his nervous actions, "this is how I know that you won't let me down; and this," she tenderly caressed his face, "the way that you look at me—it's all the reassurance I need to know that you love me, Edward." She kissed him then, softly and slowly, her lips carefully memorizing his.  
"As long as you love me, Sweetheart, I promise to love you back."

His heart felt like it had been in a vise for the past few seconds, the dull ache from before increasing dramatically as he'd begun to panic. With Bella's encouraging smile and her thoughtful promises however, he'd finally felt the pressure release.

"In that case, let's go see if we can forget about…_everything_." He suggested with a very welcomed little smile, crooked as it was.


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: I'm just so effin' proud of E&B and how well they are doing with this whole dating thing that I wanted to share some of the details from the 1st part of their day before I continue stressing over how it should end.

Chapter 30

"See it?" Edward asked softly, his arm extended, his head bent at an angle so that he might share Bella's line of sight.

"I still say it's a troop of penguins being chased by a unicorn." Bella informed him once again. A sigh followed her description, despite the happy grin that seemed to be permanently plastered to her face today.

"I'm telling you, it's a bear on a tricycle wearing a silly little hat." Edward reiterated his opinion.

"Maybe so. It'd have to be a polar bear though, otherwise it would make my penguins seem really freakin' lost." Bella playfully conceded, a poorly disguised giggle of amusement finally escaping her.

She rolled towards Edward then and propped her head up with her hand so that she could see him lying there so relaxed and happy as he went ahead and laughed about her stubborn insistence that there were penguins in the clouds, antagonizing the questionable shape they'd been debating for the past few minutes.

"You're sort of amazing, you know that?" Bella questioned, with a sweet little smile.

"How's that?" he wondered, while reaching out to tenderly trace the lines of that smile.

Bella leaned in and gave him an innocent kiss on the mouth and told him that she was having the best day ever thanks to him.

"We've only just started Baby, and besides, a picnic in the park is hardly something to write home about." He humbly denied having done anything special so far.

"I've never been on a real picnic though;" Bella confided, "add to it the fact that we have all day together, no interruptions, responsibilities or distractions and I'd consider this day just about perfect."

"Mmm, I do like the sound of that." Edward lazily agreed, as he encouraged her to come closer so that he might have another taste of her lips.  
"I do have one responsibility though," he reminded her, those lips impatiently hovering just an inch away from his as he spoke.

"What's that?" she whispered in between continued kisses.  
Edward could deny it all he liked, but Bella felt like he'd already gone well beyond her expectations today.

"We're here to forget, Bella. My job is to make sure that you have every opportunity to enjoy the day and think nothing but happy thoughts."

"We're off to a wonderful start, Sweetheart." She promised as he sat up and turned them so that she was lying on her back, cradled in his arms.

"So you wanna go see some _real_ penguins or are you happy to stay here with the cloud-made variety?" Edward wondered, while nuzzling her suddenly color stained cheek.

He was proud of this newfound comfort level he'd been able to develop with Bella. He could think of her and hold her and even touch her without the usual uncontrolled response his body had been so prone to early on, but unfortunately he was only human. To a point he could trust that his body would listen when he said no, but there was always going to be a limit to how much he'd be able to take.  
And unfortunately that limit was approaching rather quickly.

"There are real penguins in Seattle?" Bella questioned him with an indulgent smirk.

"And polar bears, and giraffes, and elephants, and perhaps even a mountain lion or two." He nodded.

"You're not allowed near any more mountain lions; Alice would flip." Bella sternly informed him.

"Okay, we'll skip those if you like," he chuckled, "but what do you say? You wanna go check out the zoo for a while?"

"Really?" she asked, without really thinking to censor how surprised she was by his offer. For whatever reason it hadn't really occurred to her when he was talking about all those animals that he really meant to go and see some.  
He'd promised her a daytrip to Seattle and mentioned a few vague plans he had in mind for their evening in the city, but she hadn't considered that they might do anything more adventurous today given Edward's usual avoidance of the unknown.

"Is that your version of a yes?" He teased.

She chose not to answer him with words. Instead she reached up and gently encouraged him to come closer. Edward felt his stomach flip with delight as her tongue temptingly grazed the inside of his upper lip.

He was trying to be careful, he really was, but god she wasn't making it easy on him.  
She'd already gone so far as to meet him in the living room this morning wearing a sinfully tight pair of jeans and the smallest excuse for a tank top he'd ever come across. Thank goodness for her shyness making it necessary for her to include the plaid button down she had covering most of it, otherwise he would have little hope of staying in control of his actions. He was only just getting use to the idea of holding her and kissing her with any frequency, now he was tempted to undress her as soon as she might indicated that it would be okay, having been given such a tempting preview of what he might be able to uncover whenever that moment arrived.  
He was a stubborn man though, so he'd merely told himself no and even went so far as to approach her with a confident little smile. Gorgeous had been the word he'd chosen, but she was so much more than that. And when he'd bent to kiss her his body had been trying to tell him something.

Here again on this blanket, spread out in the middle of a public park, his body was again trying desperately to gain his attention.

"In that case," he cleared his throat a bit and took a deep breath, "maybe we should head that way."

What he couldn't tell her was that if she kept on kissing him that way, he was going to be forced to submit to his instincts and the consequences be damned so far as his most rambunctious appendage was concerned. He knew that this might become a possible problem today, since his _cocky_ little friend had been on his best behavior for almost three solid days now. As a result, Edward's own pair of snug fitting jeans had been a conscious decision when he'd gotten dressed this morning, understanding that he'd be all alone with Bella for extended periods today, and that she had this unique power to turn half of his body inside out, while making the rest of it stand up and pay attention. That said, if this type of interaction went on much longer there would be no way to stop or hide the inevitable outcome.

Bella recognized that there was a change in his tone all of a sudden and realized that her affections must be taking their toll on him once again. She didn't want him to become too uncomfortable even though she felt like she could happily stay here with him just like this for hours.

"I love you, Edward." She chose to tell him instead; and with one last kiss for good measure she'd turned over and set about cleaning up some of the mess created by their lunch.

She noticed Edward sigh a little before tossing his glasses to the side so that he could rub a hand over his face, but she appreciated that there was still a smile there, dominating his expression.

She hadn't been trying to appease him when she'd said how much she was enjoying the day. This was by far one of the best things he might have suggested they do as far as a date was concerned. It was different from the normal everyday interactions that they had become use to, but at the same time it was easy and familiar.

They'd had just under a two-hour drive from Port Angeles to Seattle, thanks to Edward's brave use of the ferry passage in order to cross the sound, and they were able to use that time together to talk and discuss what they most looked forward to today. Bella had concerns about Edward spending an entire day out and about, potentially at risk for many unknown situations that could prove unnerving, but Edward had been able to use their time spent traveling to reassure her.  
He was able to point out rather efficiently, thanks to Alice's earlier pep talk of a similar nature, that he was just consolidating the introduction of certain things that he would have wanted to do eventually anyway. Just because he wasn't going to spread out his desired outings over the course of a few days, or weeks even, did not mean that he couldn't take a careful, systematic approach to conquering his fears, just like Dr. Montgomery had suggested.  
The whole concept of this date in and of itself blew the idea of 'baby steps' and a nice easy approach to all things that Edward feared right out of the water. But that didn't necessarily mean that he couldn't find a way to make this a comfortable learning experience anyway.

Case and point—he'd wisely taken the first eighty-seven minutes of their trip to psyche himself up for boarding the ferry, thereby avoiding almost a full extra hour's worth of driving time, should he have decided that he couldn't go through with it in the end. If he were traveling alone he would have most likely opted for the longer route in order to avoid as many people and as much interaction as possible, but he had Bella with him today. He not only wanted to make good time in their travels so that they might make the most of their day spent together, but he also wanted to practice a bit before he might be faced with any sort of major test.

_Baby steps._

And there was the beauty of Alice's overall plan in a nutshell. She had given Edward multiple suggestions for each moment of the day to accommodate whatever he might feel most comfortable doing at any given time. The suggested activities would increase in difficulty as the day went on allowing him, not only the opportunity to gradually get use to the public interaction, but it would also allow him the freedom to say when, if he ever reached a point where he felt that he could no longer proceed.  
It sort of reminded Edward of those books he'd sometimes read as a child, where at the end of a page you could decide how you wanted the story to go and turn to the appropriate page to make it happen.

In preparation for the first activity of the day Edward was required to put together something simple, yet readily available for lunch. He felt sure that he could easily go through with the picnic idea, knowing that the park would be relatively vacant given the time of day and the fact that it was currently midweek. Besides, it had been close to ten o'clock by the time they were ready to go this morning, each having packed a change of clothes by then, as Alice had suggested, and Edward having taken the time to gather up some essentials from the kitchen, so the timing would likely be perfect.

When he'd travel alone, Edward would ordinarily carry along enough food and drink so that he might avoid having to stop along the way for anything unless it became absolutely necessary. This plan wasn't foolproof by any means, seeing that he'd had to go almost three days, living off of little more than beef jerky and water once, but in general it made him rather efficient when it came to throwing together a decent meal out of pretty basic means. In this case however, he hadn't had to worry about basic, since between his sister and Bella their pantry was about as well stocked at some of your finer restaurants. It hardly took any thought at all as he'd gathered up some fruit and a loaf of bread along with the peanut butter and a jar of jam. And of course, leave it to Alice to actually own a proper picnic basket. He didn't have to go off in search of plates or cutlery or even a blanket for that matter; she already had it all arranged in a neat little wicker case, which also happened to include a corkscrew. Given the idea after he'd seen that, Edward had picked out two bottles of wine and set them in the ice chest that he'd also pulled from the bottom of the pantry. Afterwards he'd added a few bottles of water and a couple of cokes from the refrigerator, before tossing some ice on top to keep everything cold.

"Alice needs to upgrade her little picnic setup to include some real wineglasses." Edward commented with a bit of a chuckle, having replaced his glasses and now watching Bella take a sip from the little plastic tumbler, as she continued to pack away the remnants of their lunch.  
He was still trying to get his hormones to listen, but they just weren't feeling it today, so he figured he might as well try and distract himself as best he could. Problem was he had little desire to focus his attention on anything other than Bella, who just so happened to be the very source of his torment. The wine, along with some time spent sitting in the sun had Bella's complexion practically glowing. Or perhaps that was just the way he saw her. Whatever it was she was never more beautiful than she was in that moment.

"I don't know, there's something kind of fun about drinking wine out of little plastic cups." She grinned around the lip of said cup, before taking another little taste.

Edward flopped down onto his back once again, muttering something unintelligible as he did so. Bella glanced in his direction and playfully informed him that he should have thought about having to drive them all over town today before he'd decided to pack along the wine. She knew that he was far too responsible and protective to think of drinking anything when he still had to navigate his way through the city to whatever their next destinations would be—not to mention him having to see them home safely at the end of the day, but it really didn't seem fair.

Being that Bella had already thought to remind him of her aversion to surprises, Edward wasn't about to take her all the way to Seattle without sharing an overall plan for the day, but he did want to keep a few little secrets just to make it interesting.

Currently Bella knew that they were planning to spend the day in Seattle. They had dinner reservations for later tonight and tickets to a show after that, but Edward had decided to keep the particulars quiet for now. Thankfully Bella had been satisfied with the information he was willing to share and didn't press for anything further, since as of right now he didn't really know much more than that himself.

Alice was on the case though, and apparently she was having a magnificent time spending his money. However, this was nothing new. He'd been entrusting her with access to his financial information for years now, as she generally helped him handled pretty much anything that he didn't feel capable of doing for himself. As a thank you for being so helpful, he tried to never question her decisions, knowing that they were always made with his best interests in mind and that he'd likely get a better deal by letting her negotiate almost anything he wished to buy anyway.

That said, to this point the only additional information he had beyond what he had given Bella was that they had reservations at some upscale place downtown that he'd never heard of, but was supposed to be one of the best in the city; and the show they were potentially going to see was a jazz orchestra that Bella had actually mentioned to Alice when she'd heard about the upcoming performance a few months prior.

The real secret was a combination of little extras that Edward was still undecided about. Originally he'd figured that they were unnecessary and nothing he'd have to worry over, but depending on how things went he wanted to keep all of his options available.

One of those options would indeed allow him to share that second bottle of wine and he was beginning to think that the idea had some real merit after all. Unfortunately, his ability to make use of that particular option was still a few hours away and he also had to get them to another location before they might make use of it anyway; so he'd just have to settle for taking his taste of the wine directly from Bella's lips for now.

He got to his knees and took Bella's hand away from where she was busy closing the container of strawberries he'd brought along for their dessert. Without a word he lightly kissed the back of her hand and then moved on to her lips, savoring that taste he'd been hoping for. When he pulled away he looked at her for a long moment and smiled rather shyly. He wanted to give Bella a wonderful day, but above all he wanted her to be okay with whatever that could potentially entail.

"Would it be alright with you if we were to stay in town tonight—head home in the morning instead?" Edward asked quietly.

Bella looked at him with a well-controlled expression, though it was hard to hide the amount of surprise this question had invoked as well. Was he really indicating that they were going to spend the night here in Seattle? Together? Alone? In a hotel?  
She noticed that he'd been able to pick up on her reaction—her lack of words obviously indicating just how unexpected his question had been.

He already knew that this was one thing that he couldn't spring on her at the last minute. There were good surprises, but there could be bad ones as well. Anything that might make Bella uncomfortable or trigger the very thoughts that Edward was working to help her forget would definitely fall into the bad category.  
It didn't matter that they had accentually been living together for the past couple of weeks and that they had already slept in the same space on a few occasions, the implications of sharing a hotel room were not lost on him. Though it didn't have to mean anything, the way that it might be perceived by anyone else couldn't be ignored.

Bella could tell that she'd made a bit of an unconscious error with her hesitation. She'd seen Edward's progression from being perfectly comfortable and relaxed into the awkwardly, nervous man he often tended to be one too many times and she could see that he was starting to head that way.

"I think that's a wonderful idea." She assured him with her own shy little smile. "I hadn't really thought about it, but I suppose it would make the rest of the day a bit easier—less hectic."

"I didn't mean to just throw it out there like that, but I'm having to sort of make this up as we go along. At the time it seemed like a good idea to go ahead and ask your opinion so that I can keep our plans in order, if that makes sense." He timidly confessed.

"You know what?" Bella grinned.  
She'd managed to do an accelerated analysis of all that he'd told her today, about their plans and about what he was hoping to accomplish, individually and as a couple. Her conclusion had come quickly and confidently. She trusted Edward.

"I think that I'm starting to like the idea of an occasional surprise."

Edward carefully looked at her for a moment, trying to judge what it was that she was really trying to tell him. His instinct wanted to assume that she was just attempting to calm his uncertainty, but he couldn't help but notice the way she held his attention so confidently. She was telling him the truth.

"You're sure." He decided, rather than asked.

Her answering nod was accompanied by a smile that literally made his heart trip.

Fortunately with that decided they were now motivated to pack up their things and head back to where they'd left the Volvo parked, a knew activity on the horizon and a few extra details falling into place for the remainder of the day.

After opening Bella's door, in his usual gentlemanly fashion, Edward pulled out his phone on his way around the car and sent a quick text to Alice.

_Hotel is a go. And let me know about the car._

He could practically hear his sister's over the top and completely uncalled for response, knowing that he was totally making her entire year by officially giving her the green light to take their tentative plans to the next level. He only hoped that she wouldn't give some poor, unsuspecting customer in the shop a heart attack with whatever her real reaction was going to be.

Barely having settled into the driver's seat he got his answer.

_Fuck yeah! I'm on it :D  
__Send you the deets as soon as I know them ;);)_

Edward couldn't help but chuckle at his sister's obvious enjoyment of this situation. He turned to Bella and smiled, seeing her grin back at him.

"Alice." He said by way of an explanation.

Of course he'd already told her that he'd had to employ a bit of assistance in coming up with his overall plan for the day and that Alice was helping to make this process as easy as possible for him.

Another text chirped its way through before he could even think to put his cell away or offer her any further information anyway.

_Surprises okay?_

Edward glanced at Bella for half a second and quickly keyed in his reply.

_Within reason!_

From there the phone remained blessedly silent as they made their way across town.  
This plan was born from a need to kill some time during the middle of the day, so that they wouldn't be sitting idle until their appointed dinnertime. If Edward had decided that he couldn't go through with anything more, they could have always spent their time wandering the park, but he was feeling somewhat ambitious and willing to try new things today, therefore he liked the idea of having a few alternatives just in case. He was quite happy to realize that his plans now included spending an afternoon at the zoo with his girlfriend.

The thought process behind this particular idea was a great example of how considerate Alice had been during the planning stages this morning. She had asked for his specific opinion about almost everything, knowing that Edward's level of comfort and enjoyment of anything they might attempt would be vital to the success or failure of the day in general. And one of the first things she'd wanted to know was, what if anything Bella had seemed excited to do with him, since they'd been talking about their relationship, and the potential for going places had come into play. He'd laughed a little when telling her, but the first thing that had come to mind was Bella's excitement over the idea of maybe going out with him on one of his little excursions to see whatever they might find out in the wild one day. The idea of spending so much time together, coupled with something he truly loved made him smile. He'd never thought that it could be something another person might enjoy the way that he did, and he'd never considered how wonderful it would be to share the experience with someone he loved. Unfortunately, there was not enough time nor any real inclination to pursue such an adventure just yet, so the compromise that Alice had come up with had been the best of both worlds—nature and all its beauty neatly on display for the public, all for the low, low bargain price of $16.50, plus tax and parking fees.

Edward had a lot going for him with this idea. It wasn't anywhere near tourist season, so dealing with crowds would be far less likely. Plus, the little pep talk that Alice had thrown in for free had conveniently pointed out his ability to purchase a ticket for a movie if he were inclined to see one. Buying a pass to the zoo was accentually the same thing. In fact it might really be a bit easier in that all you'd have to do was ask for two adult admissions with no need to specify a particular show.

"Looks like your cloud penguins got a little pissed after you decided you wanted to come see the real ones." Edward teased, as he traded out his regular glasses in favor of the Ray-Bans he'd just pulled from the console between them. It had indeed turned out to be a beautiful, sunny day; the cloud cover, which had provided them with so much entertainment during their picnic, was suddenly nowhere to be found.

Bella wanted to defend her imaginary penguins, but the sight of that sexy little smirk of his appearing just below those equally sexy sunglasses had her brain wandering off on its own.

They'd already entered the zoo's front gate, through a set of manned booths, erected so that you could pay the parking fee. Edward wasn't required to do anything more than roll down the window and hand over a five dollar bill, as the attendant merely stated the price and waved them though, hardly even paying attention to the repetitious process, but Bella was quite proud of him anyway. He hadn't hesitated or given the slightest indication that he was uncomfortable with the situation at all. What she didn't know was that Edward was beginning to test a new strategy in hopes that it would make these types of things easier.

He knew two things for sure. He handled his discomfort best when he had some means of distraction so that his mind wouldn't over think the situation; and as of late, his greatest distraction was Bella. This new coping mechanism was risky at best, seeing as he could always count on Bella to provide the welcomed distraction he might desire, but he couldn't necessarily predict the outcome of all his attention being focus on something so tempting.

He also hadn't considered how obvious the change in his demeanor might be. Bella had missed nothing and she was hoping to reward him for such an accomplishment.  
Edward, being stubborn as he was, would likely try to dissuade her from taking over what he would consider his responsibility, so her plan was to not give him much choice in the matter. They were in this together and he was making good on his promise to help her forget with great success, so it was time she helped him out a little as well. The recent and rather intense reminder of just how attractive she found this man only made her decision that much easier to fulfill.

"You'd better stop picking on the penguins," she playfully warned, once he'd come around to open her door. She could feel a blush starting to warm her cheeks as she considered how best to go about her plan, but she tried to ignore it in favor of continuing this playful little conversation he'd instigated.

"Why's that? Think they might kidnap me and try to hold me hostage in their lil' igloo or something?"

"Probably not. I hear they're pretty persuasive though, and if they get word to their pals over in the lion enclosure you might be in some trouble then."

Edward wrapped an arm around her from behind and bent to kiss the side of her neck. She could hear his muffled laughter and feel his body shaking against her back, but she hadn't been prepared for the sound of his husky voice when he quietly spoke.

"I have nothing to fear from my own kind, Bella." His statement was punctuated by a soft growling noise rumbling through his chest and she could hardly keep her eyes open for the ridiculously pleasant sensation his remark had sent pulsating through her body.

She was actually referring to the fact that Alice would likely kick his ass if he was ever got within shouting distance of any animal classified as large and _feline_ again, but Bella hadn't been able to verbalize her words. It would seem that the feel of his lips and his beard against the sensitive side of her neck had not only rendered her speechless, but it had also managed to ignite her confidence. She noticed that, thanks to the lack of zoo goers today and the prime parking they'd been able to take advantage of as a result, they had already reached the ticket window, which saved her the trouble of having to think beyond the moment.

Bella placed both of her hands on the strong arm he still had wrapped around her and took a second to saver the feeling of the soft hair she'd come in contact with. She then turned to face him after she'd silently encouraged him to loosen his hold. An innocent little smile graced her lips as she reached behind him letting her hand wander much lower than usual. She couldn't see his eyes, thanks to the dark tint of his sunglasses, but she could see the way that his mouth had come unhinged as she left her hand lingering there against his firm backside for a brief moment before she relented and managed to come up with his wallet.

_Yes Alice, I would like to grope your brother. And now that I have done so, in the parking lot of Seattle's Woodland Park Zoo no less, I am so looking forward to doing that again!_

Turning away from a rather stunned Edward, Bella focused her attention on the next available window and went about purchasing their admissions.  
Thank goodness there weren't many people around. Not only would it make Edward feel a bit more comfortable with the entire outing, but it also allowed Bella to celebrate her bold little accomplishment without feeling any unnecessary embarrassment.

"Wow, that's your boyfriend?" The attendant caught her off guard with the unexpected question.

Bella hadn't really been paying much attention to the girl in front of her as she'd requested their passes, but when she looked up she found someone who was probably around her own age and rather busy staring off towards Edward, who was still standing a few feet away, right where she'd left him. The fact that he'd opted to leave his jacket in the car and was only wearing a t-shirt now helped to show off those impressive arms, flexing rather beautifully, as he combed his hair back with both hands.

"Yeah." Bella smiled shyly, as she dug out a few bills from her mischievously procured wallet in order to pay.

"Lucky girl." The thoroughly jealous employee shook her head, while handing over the tickets and a brochure that served as a map of the zoo.

_Don't I know it_, Bella happily thought, before she gave the girl a quick thank you and looked up to see Edward waiting just off to her left now.

His hands were repetitively tangling with one another as he sought to calm his nerves.

"You trying to kill me?" he asked quietly, as Bella attempted to hand him the map and break his fidgety cycle.

"Actually I was just trying to make things easier for you." She smirked. She knew what he meant but she wasn't going to let him know that. Besides she still had plans to give him back his wallet.

"How is grabbing my ass suppose to make _anything_ easier for me?" he asked with a rather astonished expression, despite the comical yelp of surprised laughter that managed to escape, when he felt her hand upon him once again, this time tucking his wallet back into his pocket. "Repeatedly, it would seem."

"I already know that you are a perfect gentleman and that you want to take care of me today, but I'm not opposed to helping you out with a few of the minor details." She winked.  
She hadn't given him that wink in a while, but he still knew what it meant.

With that, he couldn't think of a good reason to continue fussing with her right then so he just shook his head in wonder, as she chose to take the map off of his hands after all.  
Alice had tried to tell him that he would be able to lean on Bella when he needed to, but he was so worried about impressing _her_ and taking care of _her_ today that he hadn't wanted to consider that might have to. Uncomfortable as Bella's bold choice might have threatened to make Edward at the time, he could see now just how necessary it had been. At the moment he was feeling good—calm and comfortable with his surroundings, thanks to the significant lack of people wandering around. But he also realized that it was Bella's own calm, yet playful attitude that had managed to _distract_ him from all of the embarrassment-laden worries that had been ready and waiting to takeover.  
He could only hope that this was a sign of things to come and that the rest of the day would turn out this easy.

"Well shit. The lions are actually on the way to the penguin exhibit." Bella muttered, while having a quick look through the brochure, as Edward spent a moment thinking.

He took hold of her hand and laughed merrily as he got them headed in that direction. He'd started this little game, but she was never going let it go it would seem—not that it bothered him in the slightest; he'd happily play along.

"Don't worry, Baby, lions like ice cream. So maybe if you buy _your_ lion some, the others will see how much you care about one of their own and then they won't be tempted to tell their penguin buddies that you were so fascinated by those pitiful, cloud-looking imposters." He hinted, while subtly glancing over towards an ice cream vender set up nearby.

Bella might have looked like she was seriously thinking over her options, if it hadn't been for that playful little grin she just couldn't seem to get rid of today.

"You really think that might work?" Her hand had released its hold on his and he once again felt her reaching for his back pocket.

Yep. This was shaping up to be a great day.


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: No I haven't decided to abandon E&B in some sort of first date time warp. LOL.  
I have however, recently spent time getting to know some of the Twilight cast at a recent Twi-tour event, (NOT apologizing for that ;)) all while being trapped right in the middle of the mess that is moving into a new house. *sigh*  
Anyway, it was my goal to at least give you guys something to read before all of that got in the way, but for those of you that have been waiting (im)patiently for the next chapter you already know that didn't exactly happen. And I do hate to get things back underway with such a pitifully short update, but at least its something, right? Plus, I won't deny that I needed a little something to get my thoughts in order again…a little transition if you will…but enough about me…

Chapter 31

Esme knew that her daughter was a bright, kind-hearted girl, with a flare for the extravagant and a personality that demanded she have whatever amount of attention she might desire. However, when she walked into her office that afternoon to finally see what Alice had been up to since arriving at the house in such a whirlwind of activity, she was able to see for herself the type of hardworking, motivated individual she'd become. She would have been impressed by her dedication and efficiency no matter the reason, but when Esme learned that the impressive display of networking and organization she was privileged to witness was all in an attempt to streamline what would become a very memorable day for Edward and Bella she had no words to describe how proud she felt.

It was wonderful to see the type of capable woman that Alice had become—self-sufficient and resourceful, but knowing that her skills were being put on display for the benefit of someone else's happiness—her brother's no less, made it that much better. It literally had Esme in awe of her own child.

"No, no. Only one person should have any sort of direct contact with them." Alice calmly corrected, while continuing to type away on her laptop. "Right…yes...Thank you so much. I'm sending along the email I promised as we speak, with a detailed list of all that will be required." There was a slight pause in her typing and a smile brightened her face. "What can I say, I love them both." Alice shrugged a little before saying goodbye and another thank you.

Alice had apparently hit send and swiveled around so that she was facing her mother's desktop where she began searching for who knows what, while dialing another phone number.

"Alice, why don't you take a minute to breathe and have some tea?" Esme offered with some amusement, setting a recently fetched cup down on the corner of her desk, so as not to disturb the process.

"In a minute Mom. Just need to call the hotel back and let them know that I have the dinner arrangements taken care of." Alice grinned happily.

"Angela, hi, Alice Cullen again…yep, I spoke with Carla over at the restaurant to explain our situation and she was wonderful, just as you said she would be."  
Alice reached for her cup of tea and winked at her mother while listening to her new pal Angela tell her of the progress they were making from their end.

"Ok, I guess we're all set then. I'm going to send the abbreviated details to my brother's phone to get them started, then you'll be able to give them the rest of the info once they've arrived."  
Alice nodded and glanced at the computer screen for another brief moment. "I'm going to send you something via fax in just a few." Another pause. "Thanks Babe, you're awesome!" Alice chuckled as she ended the call.

"Everything is going well?" Esme inquired with a kind smile, seeing her daughter shuffle around the papers she had spread out over the surface of the desk.

"I think I'm done actually." Alice informed her. "I'm just going to write a little note to Bella and one to Edward that will hopefully answer the questions they might have concerning all of these plans I've made for them and then we should be all set."

Alice knew that she would need to explain herself so that in the end Edward couldn't fault her for the arrangements that she'd made. The simple reason for all that she'd done for them was that she wanted to make this experience as easy as possible for her brother and therefore she needed a way to handle all of the details from the outside so to speak, being that there was an awful lot to consider if she was going to try and take the burden of communication off of Edward.

In order to do so, she could have utilized Bella's presence, but that sort of defeated the purpose in her opinion; especially considering that he'd been so adamant that this day was about her and that he didn't want her to worry over anything. She also didn't like the idea of interrupting whatever the first part of their day would consist of, having to coordinate with Bella instead of letting them enjoy their time together, so this had become the best alternative.

Now, if anyone knew that Bella didn't need the five star treatment in order to feel special it was Alice; but Edward had indicated that he was going for _memorable_ and his sister wanted _him_ to have nothing to worry about as well, which ultimately made first class the way to go. On the flipside it would have been quite easy to put them up in any old hotel with nothing more than a quick phone call or a few minutes online, but she wanted to do more than that. Besides, the only way that Alice could think to insure that Edward would remain comfortable with this whole ordeal was to _employ_ as much help as possible, which always meant throwing a little money at the situation.

With that in mind, the first order of business had been a need for reservations at the best hotel in the city; the second thing she sought to arrange were the services of the hotel's top-notch concierge. By doing so she was able to bypass the possible complications that might ensue from asking Edward to check-in with the hotel's front desk, hand his car off to a valet, or any other manner of necessary interaction a stay anywhere else might require of him. She was also able to plan the rest of their evening and even a portion of the next morning by having the invaluable assistance of such a person.

The very next thing she did was send an extremely detail oriented list of instructions to her newest ally—Angela. Angela was a very competent and accommodating sort. After a short phone conversation where Alice was able to plead her case and make the dear woman unquestionably aware of her brother's situation she was certain that every little detail would be handled with care.

Angela's job was to see that not only was their stay at the hotel as trouble free and as easily obtained as possible, but she would also coordinate the remaining activities for the evening so that Edward would only be require to go along for the ride and enjoy.

It was undoubtedly perfect.

"Are you sure Edward is up for this? I would hate to know that he put himself out there like this just to disappoint both he and Bella in the end, if he can't go through with it. Or worse yet, if he has some type of breakdown as a result." Esme pondered, watching Alice quickly scribbling her notes to each of them.

"This was totally his idea. I'm just in charge of the specifics and everything I've done, short of a few minor surprises, he's totally okayed."

Alice moved over to the fax machine and keyed in the number. Pressing send she waited for the documents to feed and then turned back to her mother.

"He's getting better, Mom and Bella has everything to do with that. As long as they are together I think that he can handle almost anything."

Meanwhile Bella was beginning to understand just that.

It was a beautiful day by Seattle standards, even if the sunshine had taken a backseat to the cloud cover once again. Frankly, Bella couldn't find it within herself to care at the moment, as that little tidbit actually allowed her to see Edward's green eyes smiling in her direction when she'd looked his way.

"What?" She chuckled uncomfortably, now looking down at her hands, which were folded upon the railing.  
She loved the feel of his eyes upon her when he would look at her so lovingly, but her ingrained insecurities would not allow her to bask in the pleasure, as she might have wanted to.

"I don't mean to stare." Edward softly confessed.  
He'd taken the two steps necessary to close the distance between them, letting his right hand cover both of hers. She could feel the presence of his greater height standing next to her now and see the way that his one hand managed to cover both of hers so completely—it made her feel so small and delicate, but at the same time she felt safe and protected.

It was never his intention to make her feel uncomfortable, but she was just so beautiful and he felt so relaxed around her, thanks to the peaceful calm she always managed to inspire within him.

"But happiness apparently makes me weak." He told her.

"I know what you mean." Bella agreed easily with a little nod of her head, before letting it settle against his chest.

She and Edward had wandered about the zoo for several hours now, hand in hand, talking and laughing at times and happily enjoying the silence during others. For his part, Edward hadn't given the slightest indication that he was stressed or nervous about the day or their surroundings here in such a public place. She had to wonder about this change in him, but the idea of happiness overriding all other emotion made perfect sense to her.

"Tired?" Edward wondered a moment later, when she'd continued to lean against him even though the elusive little primates they'd been waiting on had finally come out to say hi.

His free hand came up to gently massage the back of her neck and he felt her lean into him even further as if begging for more.

"Nope, but apparently happiness makes me lazy." She teased, while a poorly stifled yawn tried to interrupt her words.

"Come on, Baby; Alice said that she'd have everything lined up with our reservations by four anyway. Maybe if we go on over to the hotel now, you can have a little nap before supper." He offered.

"Are you sure?" she looked up to assess his response, "I'm okay if you want to stay a while longer."

She wasn't sure if she was really asking whether he'd like to stay here at the zoo or if she was actually trying to see whether he was seriously going to pursue this idea of a night spent together at a hotel. Whatever it was she just felt like she should double check for some reason—perhaps give him the chance to opt out, just in case he had indeed made that particular decision too hastily. He'd done extremely well with _everything_ so far, but she was still waiting for the moment when he might indicate that he'd reached his limit.

"We've seen the bears, the monkeys, and the lions even; I practically got accosted by a llama and we spent like an hour with those creepy little penguins. Trust me, I'm good."

He grinned, as Bella began to giggle, most likely from the memory of that overly amorous alpaca, which had obviously taken a fancy to him in one of the feeding areas. Or perhaps it was the memory of the prolonged conversation she'd had with the little group of Humboldt penguins she'd managed to befriend almost immediately upon their arrival, much to Edward's amusement.

Her laughter was actually unavoidable, given his calm yet playful explanation. Plus, it had been wonderful to actually hear him say that he was feeling happy. She just loved the fact that he still seemed so at ease and comfortable with their overall situation today. It made it so much easier for her to relax and enjoy the day as well, knowing that he was really okay.

Her concern for him was justified in that Bella had known right from the start that this day was going to be, in many ways, symbolic of their future together—a future that they both wanted to be full of happiness and hope. With such a long road still ahead of them, a day spent having fun and living an ideal existence together would go a long way in showing them what they were truly capable of together.

Although Bella's concern was probably wise, Edward hadn't allowed himself to ponder the subject, since his little internal conversation just after arriving at the zoo, and as a result he was indeed feeling every bit of that happiness and hope that Bella was contemplating at the moment.  
He hadn't been sure what to expect but he had been willing to try, and the confidence he had in Bella's ability to distract him from his own, ordinarily debilitating, concerns was fortunately proving to be infallible so far.

That point had been proven when he'd received a text from Alice just moments ago, while Bella was busy visiting with a pair of newborn wolf cubs, available for viewing in one of the park's educational enclosures. The text had included a brief itinerary and a set of instructions for how he might go about handling the next several stages of his uber-date in the making. He was impressed by the way his sister was able to anticipate his needs so easily, but what had surprised him most was realizing just how long they'd already been here when he checked the message on his phone. In a way it was actually a realization that things seemed to be getting easier. He hadn't thought to worry or obsess over a single thing for the better part of three whole hours, which was a wonderful discovery and one that made him rather eager to keep moving forward.

So there he was, leaning against the observation railing while Bella was vigilantly searching the area, trying to locate the small family of orangutans that apparently lived here. When she had glanced over she immediately noticed that his attention wasn't focused on the landscape in front of them, the beautiful plants and flowers, or the intricate series of manmade platforms and swings that had been built for the animals' enjoyment; he was too busy watching her instead. As soon as she noticed his gaze fixated upon her he'd seen her neck and face begin to take on color, signifying the arrival of her blush. Seeing her there, smiling so shyly back at him, Edward felt the corners of his mouth lift in appreciation at the very same moment. There was something in the way that she looked at him and the sight of her standing there, silently staring back; it was an image that would stay with him forever. He'd never had someone look at him like that before, but he knew that it meant something special.

Edward let his hand descend from where he'd been massaging her neck and shoulders until it was now resting against Bella's lower back. He proceeded to draw her in a bit closer, while having a quick glance around the area. When he looked down he let his other hand gently caress her cheek and smiled watching the color intensify once she'd caught on to his intension.

As much as he wanted to he couldn't seem to control the appearance of his own bashful nature as he tucked his head slightly, obligated to think over his options all of a sudden. He wanted to hold her and kiss her, but he hadn't realized just how much he really wanted to _thank_ her. The idea of sharing that type of moment, out in the open as they were was a bit intimidating for him.

Bella on the other hand had been so openly affectionate today. She'd held is hand almost continually and she'd wrapped her arms about his waist on more than one occasion. There were casual little kisses and many a meaningful glance. And of course, let's not forget her newly acquired skills as a pickpocket or the way she'd decided to taste the melted ice cream off of his fingers, without so much as a warning shortly after they'd arrived.

He'd welcomed every bit of her attention, so why Edward now felt a need to hesitate in his desire to kiss her he had no clue. Maybe it was just his gentlemanly nature interfering with his hormonal needs as always, but thankfully Bella wasn't going to let him change his mind.

"Sweetheart," Bella grinned, seeing the side of him that she adored more than any other, "you'd better go ahead and kiss me before I decide to get embarrassed too."

It was all that he'd needed to hear. The hand, resting against her back, grasped onto her shirt to stifle his nerves and the other came around to cradle her neck. He kissed her sweetly, tenderly at first and then with a sense of building passion. His tongue was undeniably eager to explore the inviting warmth of her mouth once again, since it had been several hours at least since the last opportunity had presented itself. A moment later, any attempt to keep his predictable arousal hidden was defeated when Bella pressed her body against him fully. Lost as he was he couldn't even think to loosen his hold or calm his advance; instead, he instinctually adjusted his posture to bring her even closer.

He wasn't sure how long they'd actually maintained this embrace, but when he finally heard her moan resemble a slight whimper he chose to pull away briefly. Looking into her eyes, he carefully drew her in once again, his stubble covered chin caressing her cheek as he kissed along the curve of her ear.

"Thank you." He sighed in a hushed voice that was just a bit deeper than his usual tone.

Bella was understandably overwhelmed by his affection and her brain wasn't really capable of registering what he'd said right away. A short time later, however, once he had tucked her into his side and placed another tender kiss against her hair, now steering her back towards the zoo's entrance, she thought to ask him why he'd wanted to thank her.

"Isn't it obvious?" he grinned down at her curious expression, "You've given me a wonderful gift today. I've willingly deprived myself of so much over the years, but I don't want to do that any longer. Here with you, I really feel like I have the ability to change. I can do this. And it's all because of you."

Bella was quiet as they continued to walk towards the parking area, thinking of all that his little explanation seemed to imply. She thought to deny what he was saying. She was not some magical antidote for his anxiety; she had no special ability that might bolster his confidence and she certainly couldn't claim some type of bewitching aura that could numb his insecurities. But the more she thought about what he was really trying to convey the more she realized that those very same words could describe exactly how she felt about his presence in her life.

Being with him had shown her so many possibilities—things she'd never hoped nor believed might be within her reach and yet here she was. She was on a date with her _boyfriend. _They'd driven over to Seattle for the day and had a romantic little picnic in the park. They'd spent time laughing and joking with one another, touching and kissing, holding hands and smiling, during their visit to the zoo. Now they were headed into the city to check in to a hotel for the night, before venturing back out to dinner and a show.  
She never would have imagined being in this position or so comfortable with a man by her side. But this wasn't just any man. This was Edward. She could do this. And it was all because of him.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: *sigh* If real life would ever decide to get back to normal we might be able to finally get somewhere with these two, LOL. Hopefully you'll appreciate that we are indeed trying ;)

Chapter 32

"Reservation for Cullen." Edward said in a confident voice, his expression neutral, his hands firmly griping the marble countertop in front of him.  
He sighed and attempted to stand a bit straighter. He made an effort to smile, but his teeth were uncontrollably clenching together, which forced something similar to a grimace to show up instead.  
It was no use. He continued to feel awkward and nervous and no amount of practice was going to be able to bolster his confidence this evening it would seem.  
He ran a frustrated hand through his damp hair and cringed when it decided to remain sticking up in a rather unflattering way.

"Fucking pathetic." He groaned, while looking at his reflection in the mirror.

His dear sister had thought of everything; she'd thought of more than everything in fact, if that were actually possible, but the one thing that she had neglected to consider was obviously his stubborn, unachievable need for perfection. She could orchestrate pretty well every aspect of his night out with Bella, thereby addressing most of his usual concerns before they ever had a chance to pose problems in the first place, but what she could not control was his desire to always go beyond expectation. He was not required to speak to anyone tonight—all of the arrangements having been handled ahead of time, but for whatever reason he still felt like he should be prepared to do so anyway.  
So, now here he stood in front of a bathroom mirror in some high priced, trendy hotel wearing nothing more than a bath towel, while trying to practice how one might approach a maitre d' of all things—lovely.

He sighed once more and went about lathering some shave gel on his neck. He wouldn't go against Bella's wishes and shave all of his beard growth tonight, but there was still no need to go out looking quite so hobo-ish. The least he could do was clean up the edges and make it look like he was indeed going for an artfully scruffy look, instead of his usual 'I just don't give a shit' style. Bella would be fine with it if he chose not to he felt sure, but it just seemed sort of wrong to be getting dressed up for the most important part of his very first date—ever, and not put forth a little effort where his appearance was concerned.

_Bella_.

His thoughts had stumbled upon her name, so his mind, eager for an escape as it was and given the opportunity to latch onto its favorite subject as of late, left him powerless to stop its urge to wander. His memory would always be a poor substitute for the real thing but he couldn't deny that the mental image he'd come across was absolutely breathtaking.

"Mr. Cullen, it's a pleasure, sir." A middle-aged man in a smart looking uniform had greeted Edward as soon as he'd come to a stop out front of the hotel that Alice had specified in her most recent text.

"Miss Swan," he added, having opened Bella's door with a subtle flourish.

"Hi there, I'm Angela," a pleasant young woman greeted them as well, while Roland, the valet, headed around to the driver's side, handing Edward a rather large manila envelope as he made to take his place behind the wheel.

"I'd like to welcome you both and I'm happy to get you headed in the right direction; Roland will be along with your bags momentarily, if you'd like to go ahead and come this way."

Edward had smiled rather timidly as he looked to where Bella was waiting for him, watching his every move as if she expected him to have some type of reaction to all of this attention at any moment. Her concern might have been necessary had he not already spent a few valuable minutes on the phone with Alice just prior to them leaving the zoo, but as it stood he was feeling good about this, considering the arrangements that had already been made in preparation for their arrival. He knew that this might have been an uncomfortable undertaking under any other circumstance, but he was confident that with the precautions Alice had taken on his behalf, he could handle it.

"Come on, love." He'd said quietly, taking Bella's hand as he made to follow Angela inside.

It was quite obvious to Edward that she was in awe of their opulent surroundings, which made up the hotel's lobby, even though she couldn't seem to take her eyes off of him, as he walked along by her side. What he hadn't known at the time was that he'd managed to appear quite calm and rather confident as they walked straight through the space, on their way to a bank of elevators off to the right.

"Key's in the packet and you'll find that the room is down to the right; last door on the left." Angela had mentioned casually as she inserted a small key into the elevator's control panel. After punching in what must have been some sort of access code she removed the key and with a nod she'd stepped off of the elevator, leaving them to ride up alone.

"Enjoy your stay, and please contact me with any concerns, via the concierge line." she mentioned at the last minute, the doors threatening to cut off her words.

"Alice." Edward had simply said, by way of an explanation for what felt like the umpteenth time today as soon as they were alone again. His little chuckle of amusement gave away the fact that he found the look Bella was giving him at that moment rather priceless.

And indeed it had been priceless. She'd taken a deep breath and sighed quietly just before glancing up with such a look of adoration. He'd never felt so loved and he was rather amazed that, with just a simple smile, she'd managed to convey such a sense of pride and appreciation for all that he was doing.

Edward had to smile at the memory as he splashed a bit of warm water against his face to rinse away what little bit of shaving lotion still remained. He pulled the towel from around his waist and dried his face and chest once more, before turning to find his boxers and the t-shirt that he'd left sitting nearby. After donning his undergarments he then retrieved the trousers he had hanging from a hook on the back of the bathroom door and slipped them on as well just before exiting into the other room.

Even with the occasional lapse into his old habits, he was doing unexpectedly well with this whole process and no one was more surprised by that fact than he was. As before, he'd had a few brief instances where his normal personality had begun to fight its way to the surface, but all it took was a moment where he would remember why he was here and what this day had been like so far and he suddenly found himself comfortably back on track again.

His smile was still in place as he looked about his surroundings once more, walking back out into the sitting area.

_Alice._ He thought, while shaking his head.

He may be busy chuckling at his sister and her crazy extravagant taste, but he couldn't help appreciating her attention to detail.

When he'd pulled into the valet queue out front of this outrageous hotel he'd been assured that the young woman called, Angela would be expecting him and to trust that she would take care of _everything_—and damned if she didn't. In fact Angela had been so impressively accommodating that Edward hadn't had to worry or obsess over the first little thing so far. Why he suddenly had the urge to become so nervous just moments before, he couldn't really say. Perhaps his mind just missed the chaos. And of course he'd been away from Bella for the better part of an hour by now. It didn't matter that she was only a few feet away, behind a door that would lead into a separate space within the suite they'd share tonight; she wasn't right there beside him and therefore the overactive worry-mechanism situated within his brain was apparently eager to run wild while it could. That being said, he still didn't really see the need for all of this luxury that Alice had placed at their disposal this evening.

After donning the shirt he would wear tonight, he once again picked up the little handwritten note, which had obviously been faxed from his mother's office sometime this afternoon, in order to remind himself of just how grateful he was to have such a wonderful sister. It was just one of many little things she'd thought to include in the package that had been handed over for his use throughout the remainder of the day and their morning tomorrow. It was extremely thoughtful and explained a lot.

_Bubby_,

_I'm so proud of you for all that you've managed to do today. I'm sure that Bella is too and she must be having a blast.  
__That said I wanted to let you know that I have managed to handle EVERYTHING. And you will have nothing to worry about for the remainder of the night except having a wonderful time with your girl._

_Angela, who you should have met when you arrived, has arranged a car to pick you and Bella up at 5:45pm. You will be dropped off at the restaurant and picked up again in time for the show, which is at 8. The packet that was given to you should have your tickets inside. (don't forget those!) I've also taken the liberty of speaking with almost everyone of importance that you might come in contact with tonight and you can rest assured that they understand the situation and will allow you and Bella as much privacy as you desire._

_I know that you're onboard for any and everything tonight, but just remember Bella loves you no matter what._

_Since you've assured me that Bella is well aware of my involvement I've left a little note for her to find in the other room as well, which I hope will explain things for her a bit better and save you the trouble of having to discuss the details instead of enjoying the night._

_Love and hugs,_

_Ally_

_P.S. remember that it's rude to spend time while on a date talking on the phone to someone else, but know that you can call me with anything if you need to._

Edward sat down on the soft velvet sofa and pulled a handful of grapes from the fruit basket sitting nearby.

The notes, the fruit basket, hell even most of the clothes that he would be wearing this evening were all little extra surprises that his sister had thought to include.

The car that would be picking them up shortly to cart them around town tonight had also been Alice's idea and one that Edward had thought would be completely unnecessary at the time. Now however, as he poured himself a glass of wine, while he sat trying to relax and wrap his head around the idea of taking Bella out to dinner in just a bit, he was seeing some great benefits to this plan. He was never one to drink very much, but he still knew first hand of its calming abilities and tonight every little bit of help would be more than welcome.

"Edward?" Bella spoke softly—hesitantly from where she'd cracked open the door, interrupting his train of thought before he had a good chance to think up any new worries to consider.

"Could you umm…perhaps give me a hand?" Bella went on to say.

Getting to his feet he set the note and the remaining grapes on the coffee table, leaving the wine untouched for now as he made his way towards the door, which would lead into another room, complete with its own bed and bath—an obvious comfort measure that Alice had thought to include so that they each might be allowed a bit of privacy and alternative sleeping arrangements should such be needed.

"Okay to come in?" he asked just as softly, while tapping his knuckles against the door. He knew that it had been Bella's intention to shower and get ready for dinner, after finding the clothes that Alice had purchased for their night out, while they'd taken a few moments to explore this lavish space they'd be sharing. Despite her asking him to come to her, his sense of propriety insisted that he couldn't risk entering the room without making sure she was decent.

"Yeah." She responded, "I was just hoping that you might…" her words ended when she accentually _felt_ Edward's reaction.

"Edward?" she questioned, turning in time to see him stagger a bit before regaining his balance, having stopped short, unsure of what to do with himself, as soon as he'd caught sight of her.

"I'm sorry, I thought you said it was alright to come in, but…I'll umm…I uhh…"

She wanted to giggle about his awkward entrance and the obvious amount of surprise he felt, but she was now worried that she may have overestimated where they were in terms of readiness for anything on the next level. Plus her nerves would never allow such a response. Her desire to calm Edward whenever he seemed overwhelmed however would always outweigh her own shyness.

"Edward, look at me Sweetheart." Bella encouraged kindly, keeping one hand in place to insure that the front of her dress would cooperate and stay where it should, while reaching out to grasp one of his with the other.

His eyes had closed tightly and there were signs of an adverse reaction beginning to surface as he shook his head and clenched his teeth.

"Bella." He groaned in protest, his body already tangled up in a frenzy of excitement and fear—each emotion insistent upon out weighing the other. He was so convinced that he was beyond the point where these types of uncontrolled responses would catch him so off guard that he was additionally overcome by disappointment as well.

Bella had known what she was potentially about to do when she'd called him to her, but she never expected that his reaction would be so intense—especially after the wonderfully comfortable afternoon they'd spent together.

She would never make any sort of rash decisions concerning Edward or the easy, natural balance they'd come to enjoy within their relationship, therefore she had given a lot of thought to her options before acting on the one solution she desired most. After reaching the happy conclusion that this was indeed a rather innocent way to ease into the next most obvious level of intimacy, she knew that she wanted to try. They both knew that there was a need to move slowly and be cautious with every aspect of their situation, but at this point she never dreamed that it would be so difficult for Edward to handle.

Stretching to his height, her lips quieted whatever he was about to say, and her hand tightened around his, which was stubbornly trying to locate a distraction. She wouldn't let him apologize again but she knew that it was coming if she didn't take control of the moment. She kissed him gently but insistently until she felt his posture begin to relax. She then pulled away and nuzzled his hand, placing tender kisses upon each of his fingers.

"Touch me, Edward. Please." She whispered, letting both arms come around to hold him, leaving him free to obey her request.

Edward opened his eyes finally, all be it slowly, and took a moment to focus on her calm and reassuring smile.

"Baby steps, love" she added when she felt his trembling hands finally settle against her back.

The feel of his cold fingers carefully resting upon her exposed skin, tentatively beginning to roam about and caress a newly unobstructed part of her body, was wonderful and it eventually allowed Bella to let herself melt into his embrace.

She was no contortionist and Alice knew that, but she couldn't find any fault with the beautiful dress she'd chosen for her to wear tonight. It was tasteful and modest, but impossible to fasten on her own. After debating her options, she'd decided that she actually _wanted_ Edward to assist her and wondered briefly if Alice hadn't even thought of this very possibility when choosing her attire—sneaky little devil.

"Your sister has wonderful taste in clothing, but no sympathy for those that have to wear them it would seem." She teased. "I can't seem to do up the back of this on my own."

She lightly kissed him once more and turned her back to him again—a silent request for his help.

He took a moment to swallow down his nerves and carefully set about buttoning the intricate series of loops and hooks that would close the back of her dress after taking another deep breath. He'd been unprepared to see Bella standing so innocently with her back turned towards him, in such a provocative state, but he was suddenly elated that she felt comfortable enough to ask for his help with such a task.

"I was just surprised." He explained softly while placing a kiss against the area that remained exposed near her shoulder.

"So am I honestly. I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew that you were the one I wanted to help me." Bella confessed as well.

"You look beautiful." He sincerely mentioned when she finally turned to face him once more. He looked her up and down and focused finally on her cute little grin. He had no idea how he was going to survive the night knowing that she was wearing so little under this delightfully complicated dress his sister had procured but she looked nothing short of stunning in it. And having seen so much of her glorious body, innocent as the sight of her naked back had been, he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself suddenly.

"So do you." She smiled brightly in response, touching his carefully trimmed beard.  
And that was all it took. He smiled as well and tucked his head slightly, enjoying the feel of her hand upon his face for a second.

"I'm not even done yet." He chuckled then, while taking the green bit of silk from where he'd tucked it into his pocket, not ready to deal with the confines of a necktie just yet.

Bella giggled thinking about the note that had been affixed to the garment bag containing her outfit for the evening. She knew that Alice was on top of this situation and that her dear friend was working hard to insure that their date was a success, but she was never more in awe of her strange ability to foresee the future than she was at this moment.

_Bella,_

_Edward has assured me that he will have told you by now about my involvement in helping to plan your day together, so I just wanted you to know that I have done everything I can think of to help take any sort of burden off of Edward tonight. _

_You will find that both the hotel and restaurant staff members that you'll be dealing with have been made aware of Edward's situation and they are very willing to accommodate as much or as little interaction as you'd like. I know that you'll take good care of him but I would ask you to step in at any time if you feel that he's become overwhelmed or too uncomfortable with anything. _

_You'll be using a car service tonight so that he might relax and enjoy your company without having to play the overprotective mama bear. So, if you need to be picked up early for any reason you'll of course need to make that call.  
__The driver's name is Javier and he can be reached at 206-315-5855._

_Love and hugs,_

_Alice_

_P.S. I had to go upscale with the restaurant so that they would be willing to accommodate my requests. Your dress IS necessary, LOL (but I swear it's comfortable) and unfortunately so is Edward's tie. Let him know he has to wear it if he tries to make a fuss,, but he can ditch it once dinner is done. (Unless of course you can find some other purpose for it…)_

_P.P.S. Eagerly awaiting the ass kicking that lil comment might earn me as soon as you guys get home!_

There had indeed been quiet a few moments where she'd thought there might be a need to plant her foot in her best friend's ass today. Arriving at this outrageously over the top hotel for one, and seeing the massive suite they'd been booked in—on a secured floor no less, for another. The note, however, had quelled that urge and then some. It didn't take much to remind Bella of Edward's issues and all that he was willing to overcome for her benefit. If anyone knew how hard all of this was likely to be for Edward to endure, it was his wonderful sister and Bella couldn't fault her for wanting to make this as easy as possible for him.

There had also been another brief moment when she'd taken a good look at this dress Alice had chosen for her, realizing just how complex it was, thereby making her consider another step forward with Edward; all be it a step she was indeed excited to try.

She'd seen Edward without his shirt on several occasions and she was beginning to feel quite comfortable around him like that. She had to wonder if he would be okay seeing her in a more exposed state. More importantly, would she be able to stand before him and have him look upon and judge her body? Could she do as her doctor had suggested and initiate this type of interaction, leading them to find some sense of comfort prior to the moment they would wish to explore one another even further?

It was no secret that she'd had a rough night and an embarrassing morning but a wonderful day ever since. She'd asked to forget and he'd delivered. She hadn't spent a single moment of their time together pondering negative thoughts. They'd laughed and smiled and held one another with great affection today and somewhere deep down she knew that it was a good time to try and that she and Edward could handle this. Alice's choice of attire for this evening coupled with the private confines of this suite had provided her with the opportunity—she'd only needed to find the courage, since even with the debilitating setback she'd experienced the night before, she was still determined to find whatever was going to be the best way for them to keep moving forward. She'd never expected him to apologize though, or have such an uncomfortable reaction in general, despite the unexpected surprise of seeing her in such a state.

"You know what I said earlier today about surprises?" Bella questioned, as Edward turned towards the mirror she'd been facing when he'd first entered the room. She was looking to explain herself for his benefit so that he wouldn't stress over how he'd responded initially. It had been her idea after all, so she felt obligated to calm whatever sort of residual embarrassment he might still be experiencing and reassure him that she understood. However, she hadn't had time to consider her own embarrassment.

He glanced at her reflection in the mirror to acknowledge her and went about buttoning his shirt, the tie now draped around his neck at the ready.

"Even though I suddenly find myself in favor of a good surprise now and then, I really get that some of them are difficult to accept—the whole unexpectedness of it all…I don't really know how to ask or to talk to you about how all of this…umm…" Bella was at a loss as to how she should even tell him her concerns on the matter, making this communication obstacle all the more obvious, no matter how much she wished to talk things through.

"Baby, you can talk to me about anything." Edward assured her, when he felt her hesitation.

He was busy sizing up the length of his tie when he noticed her hands take over and begin the process of forming the knot.

"How do you know how to tie a man's tie?" he grinned looking at the perfect Windsor she'd managed to complete so effortlessly.

"A police officer's tie is nothing more than a clip on, for safety reasons. My father hardly ever wears a real tie, but on the rare occasion he has to, he tends to come looking for me to help." She humbly shrugged.

"So," he prompted, turning away to tuck in his shirt, "tell me what it is we need to talk about."

"Well," she chuckled, thinking it was rather ironic that here she was watching him tuck in his shirttail, his trousers unbuttoned and his back turned towards her for the sake of modesty, "I suppose this _is_ what I was talking about."

His confusion was apparent for a minute as Bella thought about how else she might broach this subject, but thanks to his above average intelligence he managed to catch on in the meantime.

He shook his head and smiled rather shyly. "Its weird isn't it?"

"Yeah." Bella agreed with a sigh that indicated her relief.

"I love you, Bella and I think that we're on the same page with where we'd like this relationship to end up." He paused waiting for her agreement, which came in the form of a nod. "I doubt that most couples have to be so cautious or feel some need to talk things through, but I'm very willing to do whatever will make you feel most comfortable."

"I'm just so confused at times. I want to move forward, but I'm scared that I might be moving faster than you'd like. And then there are times when I feel like my hesitation might hinder some desire that you have to take another step. And then there are times that I want to talk to you about stuff, but I can't help but feel like it's a terribly unromantic way to explore something that would come so naturally to anyone else." Bella recognized that she was rambling and she'd begun to fear that her words might be getting ahead of her thoughts, forcing her to end the explanation.

It was true she wanted to talk to Edward about how he felt and that with every new development within their relationship she often felt like there was some need to redefine certain boundaries, but she was unprepared to just come right out and say such things. It was after all terribly unromantic.

"For the record, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. You are innocent and sweet and funny; you're strong and intelligent and pretty much everything I could ever dream of finding in a companion. The problem is that I'm so…_neurotic,_ I suppose that I can't seem to temper my reactions, no matter how much I'd like to." Edward paused to brush aside the single tear that had begun to slowly trail down Bella's cheek with the pad of his thumb.  
The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, letting her know that he understood.  
"But that's not your fault, Baby. If anything you've allowed me far more freedom from my issues than I ever thought possible, so I'm not going to allow you to change a thing."

Bella was now busy fiddling with his tie as she focused on his chest, unable to maintain eye contact as he went about praising her so thoroughly. He'd paused again, but she had no words to respond, overwhelming as the moment had become. She felt bad for causing him any sort of discomfort and it was difficult to accept such kind words when she felt so undeserving of them just now.

"Surprise me, Bella." He told her then, his voice low and pleading with his request. "Anytime you're ready."

Bella lifted her eyes to look for any sign that he was joking, however she found nothing but the most sincere expression. Her mind jumped to a meaning that she wasn't sure he truly intended but the look in his eyes, the same look that always reassured her of his love, told her that she was on the right track.

He didn't let her stand there gaping at him too long. Instead he bent to kiss her lips.

"I promise I'll try and be ready for it next time." He chuckled when her hands finally came up and tangled into his hair.


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: Hehehe, the next one promises to be interesting…

Chapter 33

Bella continued to be impressed by Edward's rather remarkable ability to recover from even the most awkward moments as of late. She worried and wondered about what sort of affect such drastic shifts in his mood and demeanor could be having on his over all well being—both physically and mentally, but at the moment she couldn't find reason enough to ponder the possibilities beyond basic concern. Edward's kiss—the kiss that he'd given her to distract himself from his nervous and rambling worries and reassure her that he was okay had officially turned into something more. Light, playful and reasonably innocent at first, the kiss had morphed into something of a challenge without either of their consents.

The day had been purposefully designed to gradually ease Edward into the more intimidating aspects of this outing. Traveling in a car with Bella was quite simple and a picnic together in a nearly deserted park was nothing that he couldn't handle. Their visit to the zoo and the arrival at this hotel were small steps further away from his comfort zone but still well within his realm of capabilities. During these preliminary activities the affection between Edward and Bella had been ramping up as well and with the next step ready and waiting the level of intimacy seemed eager to follow suit.

Now Edward was an observant man and Bella held his attention like no other. It was very apparent, even with the added surprise of having seen _more_ of her than he ever had, up to this point, that Bella had taken time to apply a light layer of makeup, similar to what she might wear on days that she had to go into the office for whatever purpose. Edward found her habit of always being so subtle about this small detail rather refreshing, as she was more about enhancing her natural beauty as opposed to covering or altering various aspects of her appearance. In many ways her lack of concern over something so many woman seemed to value to such a degree hinted at some level of confidence that Edward was sure she would try and deny, but he was quite proud that she possessed it nonetheless. With that in mind, Edward wanted to be careful, knowing that an over zealous advance on his part might ruin her efforts. In the end however he'd had little choice in matter.

Blissfully lost in the sensation of their lips pulling at one another and the warmth of her body so near, Edward had given himself over to the feeling, his instincts happy to take over where his conscious thoughts had seemingly ceased to function.

Bella's hands were buried in his hair, her fingers massaging his scalp, gently positioning him where she could take full advantage of his extremely willing mouth. But, it was when she had given her hands permission to wander that he'd begun to lose what little control he'd initially managed to employ.

"Bella," He growled, breathlessly, nipping lightly at her lips, unwilling to fully sever their connection. It could have been a warning or perhaps it was gratitude he wished to convey, whatever its purpose it only managed to increase her desire.

Her answering moan held a questioning tone, but more so he could hear a significant lack of concern for where this type of interaction might be leading them. Throwing whatever bit of restraint he was still holding on to out the window for now, Edward shifted the half a step forward to close the miniscule distance he'd sought to maintain between them. The reassuringly firm squeeze that his backside had been granted from Bella's persistent little hands made him grin against her lips as he finally considered that it might be okay to reciprocate such affection.

The soft, satiny feel of her dress was addictive as he let his fingers carefully explore the expanse of her back, both hands coming to rest upon the subtle flare of her hips. There was no way that she could mistake the stiff, rigid feel of his erection pressed between them as it was, but Edward only felt reason to pause when his right hand had finally succeeded in cupping her perfectly shaped bottom. He pulled away after a quick second, gasping for air the moment he realized that his cock had begun to involuntarily twitch with excitement, practically pulsating with the same type of fervor that would normally precede orgasm, or worse yet, ejaculation.

He was swearing internally as he tried to regain some sense of control over his body's reaction, but outwardly his nerves forced an uncomfortable bubble of laughter to escape him instead.

Wouldn't that be a fine ending to this fairytale of a day? 'So sorry to waste all that hard work Alice, but we had to skip dinner, since I managed to cum in my pants before we actually made it to the restaurant.'

He didn't have his sister's eye for fashion, or her knowledge base for all things designer, but he wasn't so naïve to think that the trousers he was currently wearing were anything less than hellishly expensive. If his penis was bent on misbehaving it had better do so outside of the confines of such clothing.

Clearing his throat he finally made eye contact with a rather amused Bella.

"To much?" she tried not to grin.

"Almost," he chuckled at her calm handling of the situation. As always her reaction made him relax, if only a little.

It was now Bella's turn to clear her throat. She reached up and gently rubbed a bit of her lip-gloss that had been transferred to Edward away from his lower lip. "Perhaps we could both use a moment or two to regroup?" she offered, knowing full well that her knees were practically quivering and she could definitely use a change of underwear.

Lost in the moment as he was, enjoying her touch and her proximity a little too much, he hadn't been able to remain as cautious of her needs as he would have hoped.

"You're okay?" he had to ask, concerned now that his wandering hands might have been ill advised.

"My heart is about to burst," she smiled shyly, "but in a good way."

Letting her hand cradle his cheek she kissed him once more, allowing her touch to descend to his neck, down to his shoulder and over the front of his torso. Her hand fell away before she reached the obvious predicament in his pants and she opened her eyes to find him swaying slightly.

"It's almost time that we head to dinner." She mentioned, her voice having taken on a rather dreamy quality, leaving Edward to understand that he wasn't the only one affected by this moment "That is, if you'd still like to go out tonight."

Now there was an interesting dilemma. Did he still want to go out tonight? The obvious answer was yes. He'd been building up to this moment all day, he'd been preparing his mind for this outing since he'd decided that Bella truly meant something to him—in essence he'd been looking forward to this night his entire life. But staying here with Bella, alone in this hotel—god what a tempting alternative.

Edward carefully replaced his glasses that he'd dropped onto the dresser during some unknown moment amidst all of their kissing and shook his head.

"Don't tempt me, Baby. Right now I'm not entirely sure that I'm strong enough to say when."

They stared at one another, neither one of them brave enough to speak. Bella could see that color had managed to tint Edward's complexion, making her very aware that he knew exactly what he'd said and what it would surely indicate to her, but he never looked away, making her even more aware that he was being very honest.

She took in his overall appearance once more, before quickly returning his gaze. Ruggedly handsome as ever, with his meticulously trimmed scruff of beard and his unruly hair scattered about his head, Edward looked every bit the man she'd fallen in love with, despite his jeans being traded for a pair of tailored slacks and his usual t-shirt and flannel having been replaced by a starched button down and tie.

The dark gray pants he wore were snug about his hips, but they were no match for the obvious arousal he was still having to deal with. Additionally, the tie she'd assisted him with not only served to bring out the rich coloring of his eyes, which still followed her every move, but it managed to accentuate the broadness of his shoulders and the firm lines of his chest. If she had allowed herself to take in his stature for a moment longer, Bella felt sure she would have requested they test that strength and say to hell with the rest of their planned outings. Alice would understand. Bella was a woman with needs and desires and the very man of her dreams standing before her, challenging her strength with the admission that she had the power to weaken his own.

A familiar chirp interrupted her thoughts and the silence that had taken over the space.

"That'll probably be Angela telling us the car has arrived." Bella realized, in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

"Most likely." Edward agreed in a similar tone, after a momentary glance at his watch.

Their eyes met once more and they both smiled rather shyly given the circumstances.

"I'll just send her a reply that we might be a few minutes—give us a chance to catch our breath for a second." He offered.

Bella nodded mutely and went towards the bathroom door as Edward went to retrieve his phone and answer the text.

She grabbed an extra pair of panties that she'd packed along, assuming they might come in handy, well aware of the predicable type of response her body had become more and more prone to since she and Edward had begun to explore the physical side of their relationship. Safely behind closed doors and lifting the hem of her dress, Bella carefully removed the saturated pair she'd chosen to put on after her shower and placed them into the sink. She didn't have to take an inventory to know that she had one clean change of underwear left at this point, and that was only thanks to Alice having included a set to go along with her dress. At the rate things were going with Edward today, Bella thought it wise to insure that she had some clean alternatives should they become necessary. After a brief scrubbing she draped the pair she'd just removed and washed out over an ornate towel bar in order to dry, before soaking a cloth in the warm flow of water so that she could clean herself up a bit.  
The warmth felt heavenly when she applied the cloth to her aching center, but what she hadn't expected was an involuntary contraction of sorts that made her entire being shiver.  
Bella was suddenly paralyzed by confusion and dare she say—hope. Tentatively she applied a bit of pressure before moving her hand, the friction of the washcloth creating the same sensation with renewed intensity. Excitement blossomed within her as she realized what was happening. There was not one negative thought or feeling to hamper her progress and though she wasn't quite sure what else she might do to stimulate some form of release she knew that she was not afraid to let it happen this time. The only thought she'd had just now was that Edward was here and he _wanted_ her. He wanted her to _surprise_ him.  
A ripple of pleasure sent chills throughout her body.  
He was weakened by her affection and aroused by her kiss; Edward was in love with her.  
The reminder of this set off a reaction so intense all Bella could do was brace herself against the marble countertop and hope that her legs would remain strong enough to hold her, waves of pleasure forcing muscles she didn't even know existed to seize and spasm.

After allowing a short time for her body and her emotions to settle from the experience Bella lifted her eyes to look at her reflection in the mirror. She was glowing with satisfaction and her eyes were shinning bright with newfound confidence.

While she was basking in the aftermath of her accomplishment she never considered that she might have become vocal at some point during the height of her pleasure, but it wouldn't have really mattered, as Edward was suffering a similar fate at that very same instant. The muffled groan he'd sought to drown out during his release by biting into a towel would have kept him from hearing almost anything; his labored breathing that would follow was enough to block out the rest.

After he took a moment to wash his hands and straighten his tie, Edward glanced at the message which had just beeped through on his phone. He had dropped it next to the sink as soon as he'd sent the previous message to Angela and he realized now that it might have seemed odd to him to be text messaging a woman he hardly knew just prior to jerking off in a hotel bathroom so that he might avoid embarrassing himself publicly over the next several hours, but Edward also realized that he didn't really care.

Bella was the most exquisite woman he'd ever had the pleasure of knowing, much less talking to or touching. He wasn't disturbed by his weakness any longer, he wasn't shamed by a lack of self control; Bella's acceptance and appreciation for the love he had to offer was enough to make _everything_ seem okay.

Exiting the bathroom Edward smiled seeing Bella walk into the sitting room to join him just then. She'd reapplied her lip-gloss and added a pair of heels to complete her outfit for the evening. He'd never paid much attention to a woman's attire before but like everything else today this was turning into yet another learning experience for him. While Alice had been kind in her choice of footwear for Bella this evening, obviously taking her lack of coordination into consideration, she'd still managed to find a pair of shoes so sexy that it threatened to make Edward's knees buckle. Carefully focusing his attention on her face instead he took the blazer his sister had finally found an excuse for him to wear from where it sat waiting over the back of one of the chairs and slipped it on.

"All set?" he casually inquired, as an attempt to mask the vivid fantasies formulating in his mind.

"All set." She repeated in a cheerful voice.

He offered his arm in a gentlemanly fashion and grinned rather boyishly when she wrapped her fingers around his bicep, looking up at him through her lashes.

The elevator ride to the lobby was quiet, but neither one missed the blissful look upon the others face. Curiosity almost forced Bella to speak, for want of knowing his thoughts but she decided against it. It was more fun to speculate the possibilities instead and just enjoy the fact that Edward was venturing out with her tonight, relaxed and happy as she'd ever seen him.

"Have a good evening." Angela mentioned with a warm smile as Edward and Bella passed by her post in the lobby.

"Thank you." Edward nodded, while Bella assured her with a simple, "We will."

"_Within reason."_

The statement obviously had a different meaning for Alice. When Edward had given her the okay to include a few _extra_ surprises, he was reasonably certain that Alice would interpret that to mean she could supplement their plans with a minor add-on or two, but he in no way believed that she would go so far as to 'upgrade' absolutely everything.

Everything from the hotel and their accommodations here, to the clothes she'd left for them to wear tonight were beyond his expectations and it didn't stop there. Once he and Bella had met up with Javier, their driver for the evening, it had become apparent that the surprises weren't about to end anytime soon.

"Mr. Cullen?" a young man with a very military-looking presence about him greeted Edward with a gesture that was something between a tip of his cap and a salute.

"Yes," Edward nodded, glancing to Bella when he felt her grip upon his arm tighten slightly.

With a nod of his own the driver said nothing more but moved to open the back door of a spotless Bentley Mulsanne waiting out front. Though Edward knew right away the exact make and model of the car they would be riding in tonight, Bella had no clue what to call it besides beautiful and without a doubt expensive.

It was a relatively short ride over to the restaurant, during which time their driver remained silent allowing them to enjoy the instrumental music playing softly on the car's sound system.

Bella had kept hold of Edward's hand the entire way and when they'd finally come to a stop at their destination she noticed that his grip had become clammy and he was trembling somewhat. Outwardly he never let on that he was feeling nervous or uncomfortable exactly but she could tell for sure that he was feeling a bit out of sorts when his free hand had begun to repeatedly rub an invisible bit of lint from his knee.

"Good?" Bella thought to ask in a casual tone as Javier exited the vehicle in order to come around and open Bella's door.

"I've got you, right?" was his answer.

Bella smiled at his attempt to humor her concern with such a silly question.

"Always." She whispered giving his cheek a little peck before she accepted Javier's assistance from the car.

Edward met her immediately and took hold of her hand once again.

"The maitre d will inform me when you are through and I'll meet you back here." They were told as another gentleman opened the door to the restaurant, ushering them in without hesitation.

There was really no time for Edward to worry, much less think, as they were immediately greeted once again by another official looking person; this time it was an older woman.

"Good evening and welcome to Lucca's. My name is, Carla." She pause to collect a few items—a pair of menus and what appeared to be a wine list, before gesturing that the couple should follow along.

Bella glanced up at Edward with kind and understanding expression as she felt him take a deep breath while making their way towards a minimally crowded, yet busy dining area. He kept his eyes focused a few feet ahead of them, staring down at the polished wood floor, presumably to avoid eye contact with any of their fellow patrons, but otherwise he managed to affect a relatively calm demeanor. With his attention occupied Edward hadn't noticed that Carla had actually led he and Bella beyond the main dining room and towards a chorded off stairway.

"Right this way." Carla smiled before ascending the steps ahead of the couple. Edward shared a look with Bella and let go of her hand so that she might precede him, the staircase being too narrow for them to go up side-by-side.

When he met up with everyone on the landing, Edward could hardly believe what he found.

They were in an open loft that was above the rest of the dining space—a balcony of sorts. From here they could still see and hear the others guests, but they were concealed from anyone's view. In the dim lighting he could see that there was only a single table with two chairs and an impeccable candlelit table setting situated in a quiet corner across from them.

"Miss Cullen has already arranged a menu for you this evening, but if you have any requests or adjustments you would like to make, please feel free to let me know. She also indicated that you might like to make your own drink orders." Carla informed them as a she presented the table and laid out the menu in question before them.

"I'll leave you be for a moment to settle in and be back to check with you shortly."

And with that she was gone.

When Edward pulled Bella's chair from the table and gestured that she should have a seat, she couldn't help but giggle at the appearance of his broad smile. It was the type of smile that usually showed up just seconds before his laughter, and Bella instinctively knew that it was a sign that he was relieved to find this alteration to the accommodations they'd been granted for this evening.

Dining out was a huge step for Edward and one that he was nervous to undertake, but in this setting he was going to be able to relax and ease into the process it would seem.

Bella had wondered on occasion throughout the day just how much forethought and prior planning Alice had put into this. She knew that Alice worried about her brother and usually made every effort to allow for his issues but this was just a little too perfect.

"So, what in the world are we going to do for Alice when we get back home?" Bella wondered with a knowing smirk.

"Well, if she hasn't managed to exhaust my entire life's savings to pull all of this off, perhaps I could offer to take her shopping—my treat." Edward chuckled, while taking his seat beside her and immediately locating her hand atop the table, lacing their fingers together.

Bella's grin had faded into a frown suddenly and Edward's brow scrunched together in confusion for a second, encouraging her to speak her mind.

It hadn't occurred to Bella what today might really be _costing_ him, in a financial sense, until just now. With the mention of his life's savings, Bella couldn't help feeling like she was being terribly selfish today.

"Oh Edward," she sighed, "I can't believe that I have let you spend so much today. I can't even imagine what the hotel must cost, much less that car and now a private table in such an upscale restaurant…"

"Bella," Edward calmly interrupted, lifting her hand to his lips so that he might kiss the back of her fingers.

"I can afford it." He promised. Bella recognized the tone of his voice, it was comforting yet full of honesty and she knew that he didn't want her to continue worrying over the subject.

Of all the things that he and Bella had discussed during their time spent together Edward had always steered the conversation away from money. He had no worries that Bella would find his financial status appealing or intimidating, but he still thought it rude to point out that his bank account could rival his IQ in many ways—the number associated with his name being considerably higher than average. Bella did know that his job provided him with steady work and therefore a good source of income, but they'd never talked about the particulars. The simple truth was that a proven ability to develop innovative computer technologies meant that Edward's skills were in demand and he was well compensated for his time and knowledge, leaving him to live a very comfortable lifestyle should he chose to do so. His simple approach to life however and a general lack of spending, given his self inflicted seclusion, meant that the amount of money he'd been paid in the past, which would equal a _good_ income for anyone else had made Edward what most people would consider quite well off.

"Smile for me, Baby." He requested when Bella just sat there chewing on her lower lip. She was trying to fight it, but Edward's crooked little grin was quickly breaking her resolve.

If she'd only been more prepared for the day general and all that they were being treated to maybe she wouldn't be so concerned just now. Surprises—good, bad or otherwise—were still on the outskirts of what she could readily accept. Bella took a long look at the man seated across from her and reminded herself that she trusted Edward. If he said it was okay she would take him at his word and leave her questions for later. No need to ruin such a romantic little setup with some type of potentially uncomfortable conversation anyway.

"Why do you have to be so adorable?" she pouted good-naturedly giving his hand a little squeeze. Edward just shrugged a little and glanced down at the menu and wine list sitting before him.

"I don't have much else going for me?" he snickered quietly, making Bella giggle at his silliness.

"So, I guess we should probably decide if whatever Alice picked out for us okay before our hostess returns." Bella finally conceded, having a look over her menu as well.

"I'm not sure how we're going to eat all of this but everything looks pretty amazing." Edward mentioned.

"I'm hoping for small portions so that I can at least taste a little of everything." Bella was grinning now with renewed excitement.

Edward knew that Bella had quite an appreciation for good food and therefore taking her out for a nice dinner to someplace she'd never been before had always been a part of his date planning agenda. The obvious pleasure he could see shining in her eyes as she now looked over the wine selections made his heart beat just a bit faster. Alice might have made the actual arrangements but this part of the date had been his idea and Bella really seemed to be enjoying herself, which left him feeling a huge sense of accomplishment.

With the brief question as to the expense of this evening coming into play just before Edward had to smile thinking that at this moment he couldn't care less how much this evening would set him back. He'd be happy to work day and night for the rest of his life if it meant he could please Bella in such a way on a regular basis.

"Have you had a moment to look over the menu for this evening?" Carla inquired upon her return.

"Everything looks absolutely wonderful." Bella enthused before there was even a question as to whether Edward might need to say something on the matter.

"And the wine?" their hostess added.

"Whatever the chef recommends for each course." Bella knowledgably requested.

"Very good. I'll be back momentarily with the first round." She smiled, while collecting the menus.

When they were alone again Bella and Edward took in their surroundings a bit more thoroughly, chatting quietly about the décor and soft music they could hear playing in the background.

When she returned this time, Carla was silent as she went about delivering their starters.

There was a warm loaf of crusty bread and a dish of herb infused olive oil for dipping. Before each of them was also placed a cup of creamy Tuscano soup.

"Enjoy." she smiled as she made her exit once more.

They talked some more and often held hand between courses being delivered, quietly smiling at times or laughing together during others. Edward had become so comfortable that he hardly even noticed when Carla was coming and going, clearing away dishes or presenting new ones and Bella was extremely proud of how well he was doing with everything. She felt sure the private area they'd been seated in help tremendously and the wine they'd happily been sharing didn't hurt a thing, but she was beginning to understand that _she_ was apparently his greatest source of comfort.

It was never more obvious than when their meal had finally come to an end and they sat quietly smiling at one another, still holding hands. Bella had started it—wanting to share what she believed was the most delicious Risotto she'd ever had the pleasure of eating, but Edward was a very willing participant as they continued the trend of feeding one another little bites of their favorite dishes throughout the meal. At some point, in order to accommodate this little game, Edward had moved his chair closer to Bella's so that they were practically side-by-side now as they were about to share a generous helping of Tiramisu parfait for dessert.

"Would you like some coffee, Baby?" Edward asked before Carla could quietly escape.

"Mmm…that would be fantastic." She agreed; her eyes still closed enjoying the smooth richness of the treat she'd taken from Edward's spoon.

Before she could think to speak he was already on top of the situation.

"Could we get some coffee? A cappuccino for the lady if you have it." Edward never hesitated in his request.

"And for you, sir?" Carla responded immediately with a bright smile. It would seem as though even she understood the significant leap that Edward's willingness to communicate had indicated.

"Just coffee for me. Black." He kept his attention focused on Bella and smiled feeling her grip tighten about his fingers, her pride in his accomplishment quite evident.

Neither one of them really noticed Carla all but bounced away from the table, a happy little skip in her step suddenly as if the accomplishment was in fact her own. They hadn't been privy to what sort of information Alice had shared with the staff in order to guarantee their cooperation, but it might have become obvious that Carla was well aware of Edward's significant social limitations and what his speaking with her directly might indicate. Either he was really getting the hang of this, or Bella's presence had distracted him from all other worries so thoroughly that he didn't necessarily notice what he'd done.

Bella had noticed, that much was clear. Once their privacy resumed she took a handful of Edward's tie and encouraged him to come closer. Never hesitating she kissed him soundly and then repeatedly, the taste of chocolate and cream mixed with wine and herbs was addictive when added to the overall essence of Edward.

"Not that I minded at all, but what was all that for?" Edward chuckled when Bella finally seemed to realize they weren't in the most appropriate venue for such affection.

"I just couldn't help myself," she blushed. She didn't want to be wrong about her suspicions but it was an overwhelming thought to consider. Could she really have such an affect on him? Was it really her presence that calmed his usual fears and made him strive for more?

He felt that the answer was yes, but as many times as he'd tried to explain this phenomenon to her, Bella had been reluctant to take the credit he'd bestowed upon her. Now, seeing Edward talk to their waitress, ordering something extra—something he knew that Bella would love, without provocation and in such a calm, casual manner had Bella giddy with delight. And the fabulous taste of her cappuccino when it arrived was just the icing on the cake.

Bella found that she was grateful for Edward's suggestion that they end their meal with a little bump of caffeine. She'd inadvertently dozed off during the short trip from the zoo to the hotel, but the excitement of their arrival had made any other attempt at a nap unachievable, no matter how much Edward wanted to insist that they had plenty of time and that she was more than welcome to rest awhile. She had actually felt rather refreshed and energized given all of the wonderful surprises that had awaited them, but now, with a stomach full of the best food she'd had in ages and a pleasantly fuzzy feeling thanks to the multiple glasses of wine she'd consumed Bella was in need of a little pick me up.

"Thank you so much for coming and I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening." Carla graciously bid them farewell, leaving a leather folder on the edge of their table once Bella had indicated that they were set to leave.

Edward checked his watch and reach for the folder. He opened it, grinned his crooked little grin and closed it again.

"If the government ever became aware of what that sister of mine is capable of, she'd be recruited into some type of secret agency for sure." Edward mentioned as he offered his hand to Bella, assisting her from the table.

"What are you talking about?" Bella chuckled as she reached to straighten Edward's tie that was still skewed slightly from her earlier moment of weakness. She hoped that he didn't pick up on the fact that this little oversight on her part might have indicated to Carla what they'd been up to during one of her absences; the blush she could feel heating up her face meant that she was certainly embarrassed enough for the both of them.

"Let's just say that whatever the rest of our date is going to cost me, dinner can't be figured into the equation."

"Seriously?" Bella raised an eyebrow.

Edward just shook his head wondering how Alice managed these types of things and led their way down the narrow staircase.

"To the concert venue, Mr. Cullen?" Javier asked by way of a greeting when they met up with him out front, the Bentley waiting for them as promised.

Edward nodded and handed Bella into the car before making his way around to slide in beside her. As soon as he closed the door he felt her hand settle upon his thigh.

"Do I get to know what it is we are going to see now?" Bella tried to put on her best puppy dog face, knowing what sort of affect a little pouting from Edward usually did to her own stubborn resolve.

Edward covered her hand with one of his and smirked a bit.

"The tickets have been in my back pocket since we left the hotel. I'm a little surprised that you haven't tried to get hold of them already."

The hint was quite clear but Bella wasn't bold enough to go digging around with their driver sitting so near. Plus, the realization of what he was suggesting hit Edward just as Bella was about to comment, making them both begin to laugh uncontrollably.  
Once they'd managed to calm themselves slightly the rest of the ride was spent in silence, Edward and Bella exchanging glances from time to time, trying desperately not to giggle as they playfully attempted to see how far they could go before the other might become too uncomfortable. Bella's hand was continually inching it's way further up Edward's thigh, while his fingers idly toyed with the hem of her dress, the back of his hand lightly brushing along her legs from time to time.

"Edward." Bella suddenly said, when she recognized the theater they'd pulled to a stop in front of. Her voice was barely above a whisper, as she looked out the window, her mouth agape and surprise evident in her every feature.

Edward really wished that he could take credit for this bit of genius, but he'd never deny that this morning he was just barely keeping himself afloat as he worried and stressed over how he might be able to impress Bella. It might have irked him to know that his sister still knew certain things about this dear girl better than he did, but at least her assistance was directly benefiting him as Bella turned to thank him with another searing kiss.

"I'm doing alright then?" he asked in his humbly shy way, earning him another little thank you for good measure.

"You're working on whatever is beyond perfection, Sweetheart." She informed him as Javier opened her door, signaling the end of yet another increasingly intimate moment.

"Ten o'clock, sir?" he sought to confirm as Edward made his way around the vehicle once more to stand by Bella's side.

Edward nodded slightly and wrapped an arm around Bella instead of taking her hand this time. The closeness of his body allowed Bella to feel it when he took a deep breath while sizing up the situation.

Predictably Edward was feeling anxious about the number of people milling about and the knowledge that they would once again be approaching yet another person this evening in order to get them to their intended destination. He had several things going in his favor however, the first being a nice little buzz from the alcohol he recently consumed and of course there was the most understanding woman he'd ever known outside of his own family happily tucked into his side. When he felt her hand descend and begin fishing around in his pocket he could no longer concentrate on his worries or avoid his giddy laughter.

Bella had come across a handful of this orchestra's performances during her final year in college and now considered herself somewhat of fan after making a point to track down just about everything they'd ever recorded. The group was just a bunch of middle-aged men that played traditional jazz compositions, but there was something about the type of music they preferred that seemed to speak to her. It was deep and full of emotion; whether it be a happy song or a sad one, you could literally _feel_ everything the composer wished to convey. The only other time Bella had ever witness that kind of emotion being tapped into via music was the afternoon that she'd sat with Edward as he played the piano for her.

A few weeks ago when she'd seen that they would be performing in Seattle, Bella had mentioned it to Alice wondering if there was any way they might be able to make the trip. Unfortunately with moving into the new house and the both of them just getting settled into their new careers, Bella was never able to hold out much hope that they might find the time to go. And of course the possibility of going alone, even if she were guaranteed that her truck could survive the drive, was never an option. But now, here with Edward, Bella knew that this was the only way she would have wanted it to happen.

"Right this way." A cheerful young usher gestured, after Bella had handed over their tickets—her pickpocket skills apparently still intact.

"Good grief." Edward sighed, just before his amused giggles surfaced all over again.

The auditorium where the concert was being held was much like an old style theater with VIP seating available in private little alcoves along an elevated balcony. After he and Bella were escorted to their secluded viewing area the young man that had shown them to their seats presented them with a card labeled, Beverage Service.

"Just mark whatever you might want on the card and a waiter will be along to collect your request shortly. Orders are distributed throughout the performance for your convenience."

"I'm glad we've got Javier to get us back to the hotel." Bella teased, while watching Edward take a long look at the list of beverages that were available.

"You want anything?" he wondered with another grin.

"Something cold and sweet would be good." She decided after a moment and without missing a beat Edward cocked his head to the side and informed her that he was flattered to know that she liked her drinks and her men to have similar qualities.  
Lacing her fingers with his undeniably cold ones she just gave him a wink and settled in to watch the activity of the crowd below them in their general admission seating.

They'd noticed right away that most of the concertgoers here tonight were dressed for the occasion as well, though many of them had taken a more casual approach; in any case it made Edward and Bella a bit more comfortable knowing that they weren't insanely overdressed by comparison. Bella had briefly considered mentioning Alice's instructions concerning Edward's tie and that he could probably do without it now, but she found that she was strangely attached to the sight of him wearing it and didn't really want it to be removed altogether. He'd already taken it upon himself to loosen it a bit and unbutton his collar after they'd settled in to their seats and Bella realized just how sexy the more relaxed appearance seemed to make him.

They sat sipping on some type of tropical rum concoction that Bella had decided upon once their drinks had arrived and Edward enjoyed hearing Bella speak so adamantly about the music they were about to hear. He was excited that they would be seeing a live performance together, since he loved music on so many different levels; he'd believed for the longest time that it was his one_ true _passion in life. Only recently had he decided otherwise, Bella having moved ahead of the one friend beside his sister that he always felt he could depend on.

As the house lights faded away Edward could feel his body relaxing even further, the darkness allowing some measure of confidence and he knew that he would have little hope of masking his emotions tonight. Watching Bella straighten in her seat so that she could pay attention and seeing the way she was practically vibrating with excitement, Edward gave those emotions permission to take over.

The only thought that he could seem to compose for the next two hours was that Bella had been right. He was moved beyond explanation as he held onto her hand and focused on the way the musicians handled their instruments. Every one of the fifteen on stage played to perfection and Edward suddenly realized what his mother and sister and his instructors in school had always tried to tell him when they would say that he had such a unique talent. He'd never before been able to witness it for himself, but Bella had been right. The music being played was a tangible thing, it moved you to _feel_ each chord and you were powerless to fight against its pull.

He'd almost forgotten that they were in a crowded theater, the convenient buffer between them and the rest of the audience had allowed him the freedom to let his guard down and the music had done the rest. He was transported to a place where he truly had nothing to fear.

Bella was enraptured by the show as well but she didn't miss the way that Edward had drifted off into his own little bubble of happiness. Amazing as the performance was she managed to split her attention so that she could also enjoy the sight of him. Edward having always shied away from any sort of social outing, ordinarily too nervous and uncomfortable to venture out into a public setting for the purpose of entertainment, was experiencing something wonderful for the very first time and Bella was beside herself, so happy to be sharing such a special moment for him. He'd stubbornly overcome his issues so that he could enjoy the movies he loved so much, but Bella knew that a concert was different. Sure the dimly lit room was much like that of a movie theater, but the performers were live and the audience larger and far more animated. She knew that Edward would have considered such an experience beyond intimidating just a few short weeks ago, but now she was proud that he was finally able to enjoy such a wonderful and moving moment with her.

It had been announced that this was the final song of the evening and Bella was feeling slightly euphoric; she was watching Edward again and he was smiling so happily, the fingers of his free hand instinctively playing along with the piano, which dominated this particular piece.

Bella leaned in and let her hand settle lightly against the far side of his face. She kissed his cheek and whispered her love. He turned to her as if suddenly remembering she was there and he let his shy little lopsided grin appear for a moment before he reached out and pulled her in closer.

As the music played on Edward managed to bring Bella into his lap and they sat snuggling one another, their lips meeting up for brief little kisses and their heads bent together as they listened and enjoyed the rest of the performance.

"This has been the most fantastic day of my life, Sweetheart." Bella promised as they lingered in their seats waiting for much of the crowd to dissipate.

"So far." Edward confidently promised in return, which sparked a playful discussion about how he wasn't allowed to go so overboard in the future.

"But I like spoiling my girlfriend and I have a thousand things I want to experience that I've never done before." Edward tried to plead his case as he and Bella finally made their way downstairs once most of the floor seats had been vacated.

"And you've got from now until forever to do those things, silly. You don't have to pile them _all_ into one big outing. What do you suppose we do next month? If we keep it up at this pace by next year you won't have anything new to try."

"I don't know, I imagine I could always think of _something_ new that we might like to try." He challenged.

She was laughing now and so was he, the usual discomfort such flirtatious comments might trigger being overridden by the happiness they both felt at the moment. They also laughed with the knowledge that the original purpose of this conversation was pointless and bound to get them nowhere. He would always seek to go above and beyond expectations and Bella would appreciate any little experience they could share together; but what this discussion really managed to tell them was that they were indeed _together,_ and that wasn't going to be changing any time soon.

While he sat outside waiting for their return, Javier wondered for a short second whether he might ask the couple his was escorting about the city tonight if they might like to go anywhere else before he would return them to their hotel. At this point they were at the end of their evening and under any other circumstances he'd ordinarily make such an offer to most of his clients. He'd been given a very precise set of instructions though, as to where and when they would need to be certain places and that he should keep his questions and conversation to a minimum, since apparently Mr. Cullen wasn't one for talking, though Javier had noticed that he conversed with his companion rather easily. It was once he'd caught sight of the couple however, holding on to one another as they were, while exiting the building that it became quite clear that the offer would be completely unnecessary.

With a pleasant smile he just nodded a silent greeting and opened the door so that the young lady might slip into the car. His line of work had allowed him to witness a lot. He'd driven every type of person imaginable and many couples traveling about the city for whatever purpose. Tonight he was privileged to see a couple that was not only undeniably in love but also in desperate need of returning to their hotel room as soon as possible it would seem.


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: I'm not really sure why the waits keep getting longer but at least the chapter seem to be as well.  
And I don't even know what to say about this one. Maybe it's because it's 4am where I am right now, but I can't stop giggling for some reason.

Chapter 34

Bella had determined that it was his hands. His hand had been the first thing she'd noticed about him after all so it shouldn't come as that big a surprise. They were large, strong—the hands of a man that didn't shy away from hard work and yet they remained undeniably attractive, just like the rest of him. They were the hands of a man that possessed unique talents. Both mechanically and artistically inclined, those hands could fix almost anything just as easily as they might produce a touching melody. Fascinated by what his hands seemed capable of she'd always loved to look at them. They were just as beautiful and complex as their owner, and given his usual need to distract himself by keeping those hands busy there was never a shortage of opportunity.

She'd sought to comfort him early on by taking his hand in a friendly sort of gesture and he'd returned the favor in order to express his growing interest. So his hands and their wonderfully cold touch had become not only a sign of their connection but one of her greatest sources of pleasure. A pleasure that she was now learning went well beyond what she'd initially thought possible.  
Those hands, strong and talented as they were, could be gentle and endearingly tender, showcasing Edward's most desirable characteristics with just a simple touch.

"It's been a long day, Baby." He whispered in her ear as they pulled to a stop out front of the hotel.

Bella nodded, her eyes closed her body humming with energy.

He was right of course; neither one of them had slept that well the night before, and they'd been on the go ever since leaving the house this morning; but all the same Bella didn't have it within her to notice any fatigue.

They'd kept their hands clasped together continually until just moments ago, when they'd finally broken the prolonged silence that had accompanied them on the journey back. Edward's hand was resting heavily upon her thigh now and Bella could tell that there was something different, but certainly not unwelcome, about the way he touched her.

Bella had been quiet as she sat next to Edward, staring out at the city lights and the passing cars. There had apparently been a brief rain shower while they were busy enjoying the concert and the shimmering reflections that danced along the dampened roadways as a result had managed to draw her attention to things outside of the luxurious vehicle they'd been traveling in. Even with her thoughts focused elsewhere, she'd still been aware enough to realize just how ironic it was when she'd begun to think about Edward having once described in great detail for her how his mind would often wander away from the present in order to cope with stressful concerns and how he had little control over the process.  
Bella felt as though she'd suddenly gained a much better understanding of what he'd been trying to convey at the time, though she'd always been sympathetic to his issues. She didn't care for the feeling at all—this significant loss of control, and yet she was powerless to stop it. She'd begun to worry, she knew that much for sure, and though she wanted to blame her sudden uncertainty on a hundred different possibilities Bella knew exactly where this concern was coming from.

Their wonderful day spent together was coming to an end. There were no other _planned_ activities on the agenda, which meant that the rest of the evening would play out in an unknown fashion. Even with the limited knowledge she'd been granted and the surprises they'd both been treated to throughout the afternoon and into this evening, Bella still felt like there had always been some stability to the situation. They were out and about, enjoying one another's company in a whole new capacity, but she'd never felt awkward or nervous. It was nice, easy and comfortable. There had been no need for worry to this point, other than her ever present awareness of Edward's anxiety; but pleasantly she'd found herself fascinated by his perseverance and willingness to be what she needed most instead—a living, breathing, tangible distraction from her fears. Now however, with the knowledge that she didn't fully understand where they might go from here, her conscience had decided that it was time to consider some options.

Edward was in love with her, something he openly admitted at every available opportunity as of late. He was always so kind and considerate of her feelings in everything, more so than she ever expected that a man could be. On top of everything else, he'd now gone out of his way to give her a day that had been nothing short of magical, far above and beyond her wildest dreams. Didn't that kind of devotion deserve some type of compensation? And if it did, was she ready and/or willing to surrender what she'd protected for so long? Further more, would he accept her gratitude if she were to offer it in such a manner? The only thing that she knew for certain was that she didn't have clue how to begin looking for the answers she sought and that only served to compound the problem.

Edward had encouraged her to speak freely with him, of course, and the option was certainly a tempting one. In fact, Bella knew from experience that she would only trigger his own nervous uncertainty if she looked to withhold her concerns. And a wonderful opportunity lay ahead, as she knew that they would be all alone in just a few short moments, closed off from the rest of the world by a code sensitive elevator and a corded off stairwell. There would be no one to interfere or distract them from the purpose of this conversation or its potential consequences.  
But there it was, the very source of her dilemma.

She had no reason to fear Edward. He'd proven his commitment many times over. As many times as their interactions had reached a certain threshold as of late, it had always been he who had pulled away, with some type of joke or warning to get them back on track and stall their hormone driven reactions.  
So why was she nervous?

To spend the night with him, to share the beautiful hotel suite they'd checked into this afternoon wasn't really that different from their normal arrangement back home. Concessions had been made to insure that if she wasn't comfortable sharing a bed, or even the same room as Edward she didn't necessarily have to. Alice had seen to that.

But it wasn't the lavish and somewhat intimidating space they would share exactly. It was the fact that they would be well and truly alone.  
She could see that now.

Back in Port Angeles, even late at night when Alice was staying away at the apartment, there was always a certain potential for interruption; but there was also something more. Though they'd never discussed this, Bella felt like they'd both been rather cautious thanks to some sense of awkwardness that was created by their surroundings. Alice had alluded to this when she'd come home to find them wrapped up in a potentially intimate embrace several nights ago now. She'd warned them not to _taint the space_. And as amusing as her friend's playful discomfort had been, Bella hadn't actually realized that the words, if not some unconscious desire of her own, to not compromise the _safe,_ comfortable atmosphere she would want to associate with her home, had likely influenced her willingness to this point. Hadn't Edward also indicated that his knowledge of activities having taken place in his sister's bedroom, which he'd been occupying as his own recently, made it hard for him to find any sense of comfort there? How could she handle being in a room day after day, if something went wrong and the memories of their awkward and/or failed attempt at something special continued to linger there, haunting her?  
It was dramatic maybe, but it did seem to prove that this change of scenery would indeed create a whole new realm of possibilities—possibilities that she'd been nervous and therefore stubbornly reluctant to consider, until now.

That decided, Bella had managed to refocus her attention, though it took some effort on her part, and looked over at Edward for what she felt sure was the five hundredth time today. They'd both become rather quiet and subdued on the ride back to the hotel, which made her feel much better about her little journey off into the world of worry. Even with so much on her mind, she just couldn't help but sneak another look at the man who'd made this day so special for her.

Bella knew that what she was experiencing just now constituted just a fraction of what he'd been made to endure, making her feel like she had just developed a whole new appreciation for the level of anxiety and apprehension that Edward had been suffering his entire life. This new understanding made Bella appreciate the man sitting beside her all the more.

Edward remained silent and pensive as she watched him, which likely meant that she wasn't the only one worrying over lord knows what, and oddly enough that actually made her smile.  
Soon enough her smile was unintentionally followed by a quiet giggle. She'd been unable to help it really. It was just a reaction to the immense sense of relief she felt seeing him sit there, likely pondering the day, and possibly the night they still had ahead of them. It finally calmed her worries, this realization that she wasn't in this alone. They were together in all things and there was no pressure to do anything beyond what they wanted to—whatever felt right and what they were ultimately ready for. Edward would never force her to pursue something that she didn't feel ready to try, and if he wasn't right there with her, she was certain that he would possess the ability to derail her advance.

"Hmm?" he'd smiled a little and acknowledged her, while briefly scratching at the under side of his jaw. His nails made a rough sound against the course stubble there.

"Oh sweetheart," Bella sighed, "it's bothering you, isn't it?"

Her demeanor was determined to be all over the place it seemed. She'd gone from nervous to happy and suddenly back to a state of concern all within the span of a few short moments. It couldn't be helped though. She was so thoroughly in touch with Edward's moods that she could never ignore any indication that he wasn't faring well.

"What?" Edward had curiously wondered.  
The way she was leaning into his side? The fact that her head had been resting on his shoulder once again? Certainly it was not the way she was still holding onto his hand, their entwined fingers gently rubbing against one another, her thumb periodically caressing his knee. Could she really concerned that her amused response to something would every truly bother him?

"Your beard. You would have shaved by now if I hadn't asked you not to."

Edward grinned and shook his head. His scratching had merely been an unconscious attempt to keep his free hand busy for a few seconds and he was relieved to know that it wasn't something more troublesome than concern over his physical comfort that had been worrying her just then. He'd been busy enough for the both of them, thinking about his mental state, and he hadn't even noticed how he was starting to fidget more as time went on.  
But all the same, Edward knew that what Bella had assumed was true, to a degree; he would have shaved before they went out tonight, but for a different reason altogether. His irritation with his facial hair at that moment was more so a response to his normal anxiety and increasing fatigue. Though he wasn't sleepy per se, his body knew that he needed to rest and therefore it was trying to give him a few hints to counter act the adrenaline that had remained ever present in Bella's company tonight.

"Maybe so, but only because I was taking my girl out tonight and I would have wanted to look nice for her." Was the endearingly bashful reply he'd decided on.

"You're beautiful to me…always." Bella had informed him, self-consciously looking away, down at their hands resting against his leg.

He'd chuckled softly and reached over with his free hand to tenderly caress the color staining her cheeks.

"You're the beautiful one, Baby." He leaned over and placed a lingering kiss against the warmth of her cheek and then whispered his love before kissing the space just below her ear this time.

Her concern was adorable. He usually didn't like it when people worried over him, but Edward loved that Bella cared whether he was comfortable—not just mentally but physically as well. Throughout the day she'd been nothing short of amazing. Whenever he would begin to doubt his ability, wondering if he could continue on and get through some unfamiliar situation all he'd had to do was look at her. He would see just how happy she appeared to be and hear her laugh at some silly joke he'd make, at his own expense in most cases, and he knew that everything was going to be fine. Now, having successfully survived the majority of this day, Edward was ready to go back to the hotel. He hoped that they could talk a while and fall asleep together. He'd cradle his girlfriend in his arms as they recounted all of their favorite moments from the date and wake in the morning to start a new day together. It would be the perfect ending in his mind.  
But there she was, so concerned for him, almost apologizing for a simple request, and one that he'd been happy to fulfill.

"Are you sure you would have wanted me to shave?" he'd continued to whisper, letting the prickly beard growth on his face make contact with her neck. "I was under the impression that you preferred me this way."

"You know how much I enjoy that." She also whispered in return, tilting her head ever so slightly to allow him better access. "It's just that I don't like the idea of you doing anything that makes you uncomfortable for my sake."

Edward had nipped lightly at her skin, before kissing away the sensation. An amused little chuckle showed his enjoyment of her newfound indecision, and as always, her pleasantly breathless reaction to his affection.

"It's a little late to be telling me this now, Baby." He continued to tease.

She could feel him smiling against her neck and the fact that his hand had managed to locate her knee. She wasn't sure when it had happen but somewhere along the line she'd determined that she was no longer willing to deny herself what she truly wanted.

"I'll make it up to you." She quietly promised.

Likewise, though his worries were never far away, Edward was eager to explore what else this night could have in store for them. He refused to get his hopes up, but ever since Bella had called him into the room so that he might assist her with the dress she wore, his mind had been aflutter with a thousand different scenarios that he'd been careful to avoid, till now. This night was never really meant to be anything more than an innocent end to a day spent enjoying one another in new and exciting ways. The innocent part of it all meant that he shouldn't be looking forward to _enjoying_ anything other than her continued company…right? He'd only agreed to the use of a hotel for the sake of convenience after all.  
But with his face happily tucked into the curve of her neck and his senses overwhelmed by her intoxicating presence, Edward was unable to control his thoughts, his mind seeking to ponder all of those scenarios once again with a renewed intensity, which her promise had done nothing to dissuade.

And so it was that they found themselves in this position. Edward smiling into the crook of Bella's neck as she leaned into him, enjoying the soft feel of his hair against her cheek, her hand lightly gripping his arm as his hand had begun to wander purposefully, back and forth across the bare length of her thigh.

Javier attempted to clear his throat in the most unassuming manner he could manage as he held Bella's door open, ready to assist with her exit one last time. He might have been annoyed by anyone else that appeared to be taking advantage of his backseat this way, but he really did like this couple. His knowledge of just how difficult it was for this man, Mr. Cullen, to step out of his normal comfort zone likely had something to do with it. If the information he'd been given was correct, this man was really attempting something special for his lady—and what a wonderful woman she was.

He'd been quietly watching—observing them most of the night and he was rather amazed to see how attuned to one another these two were, how well they balanced each other out.  
And of course, the way Bella had been blushing when she'd finally realized that he was witness to such a moment, seeming to have forgotten that they weren't alone, made him grin, despite his best effort to hide it.

"It's been a pleasure, and I hope you have a wonderful night." He sincerely nodded when Edward had come around to collect her.

"Thank you so much for your time." Edward reached out to shake his hand, a crisp one hundred dollar bill passing between them. A crooked grin graced Edward's mouth as Javier quickly pocketed his unnecessary tip with a rather befuddled look. He only managed to recover from his surprise when he noticed Bella's expression. Edward's other arm was wrapped around her shoulders and she was clinging to him happily, but the look on her face was priceless. He'd never seen someone convey so much pride with little more than a smile.

"Thank you." He said quietly, before turning away.

With his exit one could consider that the day was done. There was no one new to meet and nowhere left to go. Edward had successfully accomplished more over the past eight hours than he had over the past eight years, which included just about everything he'd set out to do at the start of his day. He'd carried himself well, with as much confidence and determination as he could muster, in order to mask any lingering anxiety he felt. But now as the day was officially ending he was beginning to fear the inevitable letdown that one should undoubtedly be prone to after such an emotional high.  
However, it would seem as though the night wasn't officially over, as he'd once believed. Instead they were just moving on to a whole new adventure. The intimate embrace along with the pleasantly suggestive banter that had just taken place between them was still on his mind as he escorted her into the building, where the possibilities left him feeling as if he was on top of the world, but with one small problem.

He found it easy to talk to her and he'd done his best to encourage open communication between them in everything, but he hadn't allowed himself the time to think about how awkward it would really be to address certain issues yet.  
"_Will you sleep with me tonight?"_ sounded all sorts of wrong just now, but how else was he suppose to broach the subject of their nighttime accommodations? He'd foolishly believed that there was time, since he was convinced that they wouldn't be anywhere near ready for such a conversation, at least for a while. However, the way that Bella was looking at him tonight and they way that his body was already responding said something entirely different. He was ready, willing and very capable it would seem, were you to speak with certain parts of his anatomy.

"I'm so proud of you, Edward." Her words interrupted his concerns as he idly punched the access code he'd taken time to memorize earlier into the elevator's panel. "I don't know how to thank you for giving me such a wonderful day."

His first thought was to say that she owed him nothing; she would always deserve far more, in his mind, than he felt capable of offering her given his issues. The second thing he imagined telling her was that she could continue holding onto him in such a manner for the rest of her life and he'd be willing to call it even, but he'd never claim to possess such gumption or arrogance.  
His last option, and the one he most wanted to offer her, was right on the tip of his tongue as they were entering the suite. He wanted to ask her to stay with him tonight. To sleep in the same bed with him, nestled in the safety and comfort of his arms so that they might wake together and make the most of the remaining, uninterrupted time they could enjoy.  
He never had the chance though. When he'd inserted the key and opened the door for Bella to pass through ahead of him, they were both taken aback by the sight that greeted them. It should have seemed foolish to expect that the surprises would end just because the day was coming to a close, but for whatever reason neither Edward nor Bella had seen this one coming.

The suite was as they had left it, but with the addition of a fresh bouquet of flowers and a bucket of ice to hold, what appeared to be a bottle of champagne. The lights had been dimmed in the room to create what one might consider a romantic atmosphere, and they noticed several candles strategically placed throughout the space—a rather conspicuous box of matches resting on the coffee table for their use should they wish to light them.

Silently they met each other's amused and rather astonished gaze.  
Edward wasn't entirely sure that he was pleased with this little addition that he felt sure had been orchestrated by his well meaning but overly ambitious sister. Honestly the only thing that was missing here was the Marvin Gaye soundtrack playing in the background.

"It's okay." Bella grinned, "I've never had champagne before, and knowing Alice its bound to be the good stuff."  
She could see an overwhelming sense of trepidation creeping into him as they stood side by side taking in the scene. She couldn't deny that the obvious implications unnerved her as well, but her friend was nothing if not thorough and Alice had truly out done herself with every aspect of the day so far. Why should their return to the hotel be any less dramatic?

Bella turned towards Edward and wrapped her arms around his waist. She looked up at him and let her hands come up under his jacket, feeling the muscles of his back flex and quiver under her touch.  
She had been contemplating just how she might go about seducing Edward should she decide that it was truly her desire to do so and it would seem that his sister was trying to tell her something.

"You know, I was feeling kind of bad about all of the hard work that Alice had put into this before we left for dinner." She watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as she spoke. "It seemed like most of this," her eyes wandered a bit, to indicate the room "would be a little unnecessary. But now…" she hesitated, letting her fingers trace the length of his tie, which she had become rather attached to over the course of the evening, "we don't exactly have any place to be going for a while."

"Bella," he sighed quietly. His arms had wound themselves around her as well and his hands had started to grip her back and her sides and her hips, "you know that I might not be able to stop."

His voice was full of apology, but Bella wanted none of it. Her meaning was obviously not lost on him and his concern only served to encourage her. She wasn't necessarily looking for sex, but she did want to show him that she was ready to attempt something beyond what they were use to. She was so attracted to this man. She wanted him so badly. And she wanted to try. She wasn't entirely sure of how far they would go, but she wanted to explore what they might have together while they had this opportunity.

"How about pour us some of the champagne, Sweetheart." She kissed him chastely. "And then maybe we can talk for a little while."

She was working on instinct here but it was the best she could do. Already her heart was aflutter and her body was on fire. She wanted to move slowly_, test the waters_ as Dr. Montgomery had suggested, but she wasn't sure of how much she could take just yet.

His eyes had taken on that smoldering quality that had the ability to render her speechless. Instead of responding to her audibly he pulled her in closer and with a strong arm about her waist he lifted her to his own height. It was all about instinct after all, that's what his father had tried to tell him. And right now his instinct was screaming at him to recognize just what she was trying to tell him.

"Whatever you want, Baby." He groaned a moment later after branding her with a kiss that managed to leave them both gasping for air. Her eyes were closed and she couldn't seem to open them but she managed to whisper her reply, her forehead rest against his. He let her down slowly her body tight against him so that she could feel exactly what her presence and her actions and her words had done to him. There was no mistaking what his body was anticipating at this moment.

A small hint of bravado managed to spark within her as she felt his erection pressed against her; her body desperately trying to convince her that the talking could wait.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart," she told him, her grip about his shoulders loosening, "but I'll make it better. I promise." Her hand had roamed down his arm and over his hip, before moving up and down against the firmness of his abdomen; finally her fingertips descended to brush lightly along the length of his straining penis.

"Bella," he groaned, his body threatening to double over from pleasure. A few unintelligible ramblings continued until he gently removed her hand with a careful look of warning.

"I love you, Edward." She simply reminded him, another innocent kiss given before she walked away leaving him breathless and pondering even more possibilities.

She'd gone off towards the room that he'd used to get ready this evening, which might have confused him had he had any better control over his mental function right now. He was on the threshold of something huge. He didn't know what Bella had in mind exactly but she had all but promised him relief of this ridiculously perpetual need he'd been suffering for the majority of the time that he'd known her.

He hobbled slightly as he made his way towards the coffee table and the requested champagne. He was thankful that Bella had gone off and left him alone for a brief moment so that he didn't look quite so out of sorts. At twenty-five, one would have to assume the Edward wouldn't feel such anxiety over some form of intimacy with a woman, especially a woman that he loved and cared for as much as Bella; but Edward had never claimed to be an average man. He'd worried and wondered what this evening might hold in store for them, but for whatever reason he'd been focused on the far more mundane possibilities. His dick was throbbing, literally overcome with pleasure, after having experienced the feel of her touch for the first time, if only for a brief moment. And for reasons he could not seem to rationalize, his brain had now begun to side with the rest of his anatomy. If this was what Bella had in mind then far be it from him to deny her whatever she wanted.

"Just relax," he reminded himself aloud, as if actually speaking the words could somehow convince his body into listen. He reached to carefully adjust himself, cautious to avoid any further stimulation, as he was quite sure that it wouldn't take much more to send him over the edge. "And how many times do I have to remind you? You're not allowed to frighten her away by being so fucking eager all the time."

"Edward? Everything alright?" Bella called from the other room.

"Fine." He squeaked slightly; the fact that she may have over heard his little conversation startled him back to the present task at hand.

"Now look what you did." Edward admonished in a much quieter voice this time.

Fortunately the night had proven to be a long one. Even with the amount of alcohol they had collectively consumed, the time over which they'd partaken said drinks had managed to keep them reasonably sober—a fact that had truly pleased Edward. He may not have been in charge of driving them about the city tonight, but he'd still felt some sense of obligation as Bella's escort. He wouldn't want her to think that he didn't value her safety and well being above all else by rendering himself incapable with drink. And of course he could never allow himself to take advantage of her willingness should he believe that her judgment had been impaired in any way.

Edward stripped away his jacket, his body understandably overheated all of a sudden. He pulled his glasses off as well, his right hand rubbing over his face and through his hair a few times. When he replaced his glasses he noticed an envelope sitting, propped up against the rather ornate looking ice bucket. The note from Alice that had been tucked into the package, which he'd received upon their arrival, had looked strikingly similar to this one, but there were a few slight differences making him aware that this was new.

He pulled the bottle of Cristal from its home and made quick work of opening it. After filling each of the champagne flutes that sat nearby he picked up one of the glasses and took a small sip before opening the envelope embossed with his name. The crisp, clean taste was extraordinarily refreshing, making him appreciate the extravagance no matter how annoyed by it he'd been initially.

_Bubby, _

_I know you're probably ready to kill me right now, but I promise that this is the last surprise you'll have to deal with—you already know about everything else. This is just my way of saying thank you. I cannot tell you how privileged I feel, knowing that you would trust me so much. And I hope that you and Bella have had a wonderful day together. Angela called to let me know that you guys were headed out to dinner a while ago and for everything you've managed to accomplish I decided that you truly deserve to celebrate tonight._

_Congratulations!_

_Love,  
__Ally_

Well, the note did ring of sincerity, but Edward wasn't entirely convinced that his little sister didn't have some ulterior motive for the romantic little set up she'd commissioned, though he wouldn't allow himself to think about that right now. For the moment he was far more interested in whatever Bella was busy doing in the other room.

The sound of water running was the first thing that caught his attention when he'd stepped through to find Bella's shoes kicked into a corner, nothing more than the bedside lamp having been turned on to illuminate the room, keeping with the overall mood.

"Sweetheart, would it be alright if I borrowed a shirt to sleep in tonight? I hadn't anticipated spending the night when I packed my bag this morning?" Bella asked when she noticed that Edward had made it into the bedroom, being that she'd left the bathroom door ajar. Edward could see that she'd taken her hair down and was busy washing her face as she spoke with him.

"Sure." He smiled handing over her glass of champagne, "I brought along an extra just in case I found the courage to go through with this part of it."

Bella was biting into her lower lip, making her grin a little less noticeable but Edward could still see something in her expression that told him she was amused by his confession.

"Actually," she started, taking a step closer to where he was leaning against the counter's edge. "I really like this one if you don't mind."

Having set her glass aside, her hands were already working to loosen his tie and before he could respond her lips were molded to his, her fingers slowly working to unfasten the buttons.  
He angled his head so that he could pull her lower lip in between both of his for a brief moment before he let his tongue dance along the inner curve of her upper one. She sighed contentedly into his mouth as both of his hands now settled against her back. His hands were not content to stop there and continued to wander lower until he was able to once again explore the supple shape of her ass. This time he didn't pull away, nor did he stop his hands' descent. Leaving his left to linger and enjoy the feel of her surprisingly curvaceous figure, he allowed his right to move down the side of her leg. When his fingers finally felt the warm, silky feel of flesh instead of the satiny softness of the dress, he redirected his path, coming up under the material, along the back of her thigh, slowly lifting her leg so that it might come up around his hip when he leaned into her ever so slightly. Before Bella could fathom what exactly he had in mind, she was hoisted from her feet, one hand under her bottom and the other holding her leg securely about his waist as he pivoted and set her atop the bathroom counter.

His shirt was partially pulled from his trousers and hanging open as he let his eyes gage her reaction, or perhaps beg her forgiveness. It was just that the idea of her undressing him, of her wanting his shirt—it was all so overwhelming.

Bella was more suited to his height this way and Edward grinned when he noticed the way she reached out to trace his lips with her fingertips.

"I love the way you taste." She whispered, her voice full of awe and wonderment.

He kissed her fingers as they passed over his mouth and picked up the glass she'd abandoned in favor of trying to undress him.

"I can't take all of the credit tonight." He confessed, raising the glass for her to taste its contents.

Her hum of pleasure nearly undid him, but it was the playful look in her eyes once she'd opened them again that truly ignited his heart.

He watched in silence as she let her finger slip over the rim of the glass. When she removed it she once again reached out to gently caress his lips, first the lower and then the other, and she didn't stop there. Her finger trailed over the curve of his chin before tracing the angle of his jaw. When she was satisfied she removed his glasses and set them next to the flute of champagne before letting her fingers thread into his hair, encouraging him to come closer.

Edward had never understood the exorbitant cost of such a beverage, but at that moment he'd decided that it was worth its weight in gold. While Bella continued to kiss him her hands had managed to remove his shirt altogether, and with equal dexterity she had the t-shirt he wore underneath up and over his head before he could think to do it himself.  
Groaning her name when he felt her hands settle against his chest Edward let his mouth wander to her neck.

"I'll need some help with the dress again, love." Bella hinted against his shoulder.

The words stalled his actions. He swallowed thickly and looked for an answer to his silent question in her eyes.

She gave him a little peck on his cheek before sliding down from her seat next to the sink.

With her back turned towards him Bella bowed her head slightly when she finally felt his hands slowly begin the process of unfastening the closures of her bodice. At this point they were equal. Edward was without a shirt as she'd seen him on occasion and her back was exposed down to the waist, but Bella was ready to try for more. The feel of Edward's arousal had intrigued her more so than she'd ever thought possible and she wanted to please him in ways she didn't understand. If she were to ask so much of him, she felt like it was the least that she could do.

His discarded dress shirt lay on the counter to her right. When he had the back of her dress fully undone, she felt his fingers tentatively trace along the path of her spine.

"So gorgeous." He whispered, his lips just millimeters from her ear. The feel of his breath, hot against her skin, forced her eyes to close and managed to bolster her confidence all at once.

Edward felt the movement but didn't understand for a moment what had happened. It was only when he noticed Bella move away from him slightly that he realized that her dress had purposefully succumbed to gravity and was now pooling around her ankles.

_Instinct._ What the hell was that again?

He was frozen by indecision. Had she meant to let that happen? Would she be embarrassed if he were to speak? And what the hell was he supposed to say anyway? His eyes couldn't seem to look away from her feet as she carefully stepped out of the dress, effectively moving even further from him. He wanted to reach out and take hold of her, draw her in and never let go, but he was terrified to do so just now.

"It's alright to look up." She informed him in a hushed voice.

His eyes immediately obeyed, though they knew not what to expect.

His hands were balled into tight fists and his chest was flexing with the strain of it all, when she'd finally turned to face him once again, his eyes downcast and seemingly enraptured by the sight of her dress in a puddle on the floor as it was.

His shirt was long on her, covering her to mid-thigh even at its highest point and she'd already managed all but the top two buttons, leaving her well covered.

"I really think that you're trying to kill me, Baby." He chuckled with good humor when she winked at him to help quell his reaction.

She shook her head and took his hand. "I'm not sure what I would do without you at this point so I'd really prefer if you stick around a while."

"I'll do my best." He smirked.

For the moment the intensity that had taken over was beginning to wane. Though it was all moving so fast and in a thousand different directions at once, Bella and Edward had both found some measure of comfort in the idea that this only had to end up being whatever they really wanted.

"I'd really like to do something for you…well there are several things actually, if you'll let me." Bella began after Edward had offered her the champagne once again. He was busy cuffing the sleeve of her/his shirt as she gratefully took another taste of her drink with the free hand.

"What's that?" He was almost nervous to ask, but dying to know the answer.

Bella grinned mischievously and eyed his razor and the can of shaving lotion that he'd left sitting out on the counter from before.

"I thought…" she was already shaking her head. "But won't it make things more difficult for you?" he persistently wondered. He couldn't handle it, if for whatever reason she ever confused him with someone that might wish to cause her harm.

"I've still got plenty to remind me of exactly who you are." She promised taking his hand, undeniably cold as it was and placing it so that he was cradling her cheek within his palm. "Not to mention this shirt smells incredible, since you've had it on all evening."

"What's gotten into you tonight?" he teased. He loved that she was being so honest and that she was seemingly eager to ease into whatever this night would become.

"A little wining and dining can work wonders for a girl's confidence." She playfully shrugged.

Edward would have a hard time denying Bella anything she desired right now; especially with the way she looked wearing his shirt and smiling so brightly. She was sexy as hell. Kissing her lightly on the forehead he reached around her to grab his razor and placed it in her hand.

"I'm at your mercy tonight." He conceded before taking a seat on the edge of the tub so that she'd be able to reach him more comfortably.

They talked quietly, Bella asking what exactly she needed to do and Edward kindly instructing her through the process. He had the hardest time keeping his face relaxed as she went about shaving him, but it was worth it. The adorable look of concentration in her eyes and the way she would grin so happily, ever so often, just made him want to return the expression. When she finally decided that she was finished she wiped away a stray bit of shaving foam that remained on his neck and kissed his smoothly shaven cheek.

"This is pretty nice too." She concluded, lightly caressing the side of his face with her lips, "and besides with the way your beard grows it'll be back to where it was in just a day or so."

Edward shivered slightly, his skin sensitive and more attuned to feelings in general after having her shave him.

"Did you want to change into something you can sleep in?" Bella asked after Edward took a quick glance at his reflection in the mirror appreciating her handy work.

He'd not been so ambitious as to think that he might not need something appropriate to sleep in tonight so he had indeed packed along his pajama bottoms, just in case.

"Sure." He agreed.

He took Bella's hand and led her into the bedroom. He wouldn't verbally scold his dick again tonight after the potentially embarrassing moment he'd almost stumbled into a little while ago, but he had been mentally _talking him down_ ever since. At the moment he was only semi-hard so he felt sure he could allow Bella to accompany him and return the gesture of good faith that he'd so awkwardly survived just moments ago.

_God what he wouldn't give to have a second chance to relive that moment, where he might be able to talk himself into looking someplace other than the fucking floor for a half a second._

"Edward, I promised that I would make it better and I will if you'll let me." Bella offered out of nowhere. He had his pajamas clutched in his right hand, though he didn't even remember having retrieved his bag from the corner. Bella was sitting on the edge of the bed, two of her fingers hooked into the waistband of his trousers, poised to release the button.

He was trying to speak but no words would come; he blinked several times to make sure that he was seeing right. His glasses were after all still in the bathroom where he'd left them in favor of finding his nightclothes.

Before he could understand he felt a gentle tug as the button popped free and the pull of his zipper being lowered. Unsure of how else to stall her he tossed the flannel pants aside and forced her further onto the bed, crawling in her wake until his lay, hovering over her.

"What are you doing?" he pleaded, his eyes boring into hers.

"Please, Edward. I want to know what its like." She told him.

Jesus, what had he missed? He was hard as ever and Bella was...what was Bella saying?

Running through his short list of what the hell she could be talking about, it dawned on him suddenly that she wished to touch him again, but this time it would be with a purpose.

"I'm…" god, how could he say it so that she would understand? "Baby, I'm scared." His tone lacked conviction thanks to the tremor in his voice, but that was only because it was the truth. He didn't want to frighten her and he knew that he'd be unable to control himself should she attempt to bring him release.

"Oh Sweetheart," she cooed with sympathy. "We're not ready are we?"

The disappointment in her eyes was painful for him to see.

"I know that I asked for it, but you're surprising the hell out of me tonight." He tried to make light of the situation.

"I want you, Edward." She explained. It was the simple truth and though there was a long and far more in depth explanation that could have accompanied her words it was no longer necessary.

Edward let the weight of his body come down against her, his lips claiming her kiss. He kissed her long and hard, his tongue carefully exploring every intimate crevice of her mouth before he relented. Quickly and without warning he shifted their position until he was lying on his back and Bella was atop him. After carefully situating her, he grasped hold of her hips as she now straddled his upper thighs.

"Only if you sure, Baby." It was an offer and a surrender all at once and Bella could see that even in his submission he was still concerned that her desire to please him was outweighing her better judgment towards self-preservation.

"Tell me you don't want this." She decided to question the true source of his fear. She knew her own mind, but she also knew a little about how his tended to work as well. He would suffer and deny himself indefinitely if he believed it was in her best interest. If his reluctance was central to his own personal fear than she wouldn't force the issue; but, if he was trying to sway her determination because he believed she felt some obligation towards his predicament then she would just have to prove him wrong.

"Baby, I've been dreaming of this moment from the very first day I met you." He assured her, "but I'm more than happy to wait. You don't have to do this for my sake."

Bella leaned forward until she was on all fours above him.

"I've been dreaming about it too." She confessed. "I'm not ready for everything, sweetheart, but I'm ready for more."

"I can't promise much, Baby. And I'm probably going to embarrass the hell out of myself." He chuckled nervously.

"You swear a lot when you get all worked up, don't you Mr. Cullen?" Bella teased.

He nodded shyly as she rolled away from him briefly. "You should hear some of the stuff I say to myself when I get really nervous or excited."

He accepted the glass of champagne that she'd retrieved from the nightstand.

"One day you'll have to really let your guard down in front of me and just speak your mind." She told him, her hand roaming about his upper body, her fingers exploring the pattern created by his chest hair.

"It's probably worse when I drink." He grinned, taking down all but a small swallow from the glass, which he offered back to her.

Bella accepted the remainder and set the glass aside before she began her exploration once more, but this time using her lips. His hand immediately wound itself into the loose flowing curls that still remained in her hair. She'd fixed her hair into a style he'd never seen her wear before tonight, and though it was beautiful, curled and pinned up as it was, he much preferred a simpler approach. Down, as it was now, he could bury his hands in the rich softness of it and get lost in its delicious fragrance.

After a few short moments, with her wandering touch and a handful of heated kisses, Bella had him straining and ready once more. Edward would never say it out loud, at least not tonight, but he was just about ready to beg for some relief by the time their bodies had returned to their earlier position.

"Tell me to stop if you want me to." She offered breathlessly as she again worked to fully open his fly.

"Not a chance in hell." He groaned, feeling the back of her fingers brush up against his length. His eyes were closed and he was panting heavily his hands gripping each of her knees.

"Will you help me?" she asked shyly. After sizing up the situation, though she knew the mechanics of how this should work, she'd become rather intimidated and uncertain as to where she should begin. Without hesitation his moved his right hand from her leg and reached under the waistband of his boxers, returning with his hardened shaft in hand.

Bella didn't even have time to think as he grasped her hand from where it was resting at his waist and placed it around his erection, his hand wrapping around hers, presumably to guide her. A sound erupted from his chest, though she could tell he was trying to control it, the moment she had hold of him. It bordered on something she would describe as painful, and the restless shifting of his hips beneath her only seemed to confirm her theory.

"Edward?" her voice barely made a sound.

His eyes were still tightly closed and Bella was thankful for the moment, knowing her expression was one of astonished wonder. Never had she expected a man to look like this and never had she believed that she would willingly want to touch someone in such a way. She feared that he was hurting but she couldn't seem to say the words. And with his hand gripping hers so tightly there was no way for her to release him.

"Oh god, Baby. It feels so good." He finally grunted, his hand finally relaxing its hold so that she could do the same. She was so relieved that he wasn't actually in pain, but overcome with pleasure instead that she didn't have time to remove her touch entirely before he began to move his hand up and down along his shaft, her hand still trapped between the two. The silky soft feel of the skin wrapping around the shockingly hard length of him surprised her, but there wasn't any time to think about that as it all seemed to happen so quickly. Before Bella really knew what was going on Edward's other hand had pulled his boxers up over his penis and their hands, still clasped together, moving repeatedly over its length. He was all but whimpering now as his hand tightened once again. Then suddenly her hand was alone, covered in intense warmth, and her body was pressed against him, his lips feverishly searching for anything to latch onto.

Before she could make sense of it all she was giggling uncontrollably and kissing him back just as desperately.

He was babbling nonsense that she could barely make out. The only words that were actually recognizable happened to be, _Bella. Love. _And his repetitious phrase of choice—_bloody fucking hell_.

Eventually Bella let her forehead come to rest against his. She caressed the side of his face and smiled seeing his eyes rolled back despite the fact that he had yet to open them, since before she'd actually touched him.

"Thank you." She whispered.

It was enough to finally make him look at her. Of course it took a moment for his eyes to focus—as much as they could anyway, but when they did Bella saw that there was something special in his gaze. Something she'd not seen before.

For the first time in his life, Edward truly seemed to be free of all anxiety.

"Don't be mad." He grinned after a moment, "But, I'm sorry," he hesitated briefly, just long enough for Bella's face to harden as if she was about to start fussing. "about the mess. I probably should have warned you or something."

He started giggling then and wrapped her up in another hug, his lips immediately seeking out something to kiss, which happened to be her neck this time.

"I'm going to have to go into work a bit more frequently I think." Bella chuckled.

"What the hell for?" Edward ask pulling back to look at her.

"The more I read the more I make and I've just decided that a bottle of Cristal is a must to have on hand at any given moment. It looks like I'm going to need some extra work so that I can afford it."

"We'll order a whole case of it when we get back. I'm buying." Edward decided.


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's short, but never fear, the next chapter is finished and ready to go as well. Expect that one to be much longer and posted by this time tomorrow! :)  
In the meantime this here is just my lil what's up with everyone else, while Edward and Bella have been _busy/ _background on Alice and Jasper/ fun with Carlisle (can't resist)/ hints towards the future chapter. Amazing that I managed to squeeze all of that into barely 2500 words.

Chapter 35

Jasper had moved in with an uncle of his at the start of his junior year in high school. Prior to that he'd grown up as an army brat, the only son of his single father—never having known his mother, who'd run off when he was two. When he was only thirteen, his father had died unexpectedly thanks to an unfortunate accident that occurred during a routine training exercise. Afterwards Jasper had been shipped off to several relatives, bouncing back and forth for a while before finally landing in Port Angeles with his father's youngest brother. His arrival had been only one week before his first day at a new school, where he literally ran into Alice, the cutest, most outgoing, ambitious little woman he'd ever come across. It had been kind of hard to avoid, seeing as she was so small and pretty easy to miss when she happened to be so far below his normal line of sight.

"Hey, watch it you…" Alice had growled while proceeding to take out her aggression by landing a rather stiff right hand to his midsection. Her tone changed dramatically as soon as she'd looked up to see him smiling down at the beginning of her adorable little tirade though, "you…gorgeous man that I've never met but that I'm going to follow around until you forgive me for being so rude, and for daring to lay a hand on your outrageously firm…" she'd muttered uncontrollably.

"Alice?" Bella had giggled, covering a very amused smile with one hand while trying to get hold of her embarrassingly stupefied friend with the other.

Alice's vision had seemingly glazed over and she was swaying slightly as he reached out a hand to her.

"My apologies ma'am. I didn't see you there."

Alice looked back and forth between his expression and their intimately joined hands; she then looked over towards Bella, a radiant smile replacing her startled look from before as she asked his name.

"Jasper Whitlock. And you are?" he'd smiled just as brightly.

"Alice Cullen—perhaps one day Whitlock?" She added with a coy little smirk.

"Well, maybe I can help you out with that last part…eventually." He'd joked light heartedly, never missing a beat.

And the rest as they say was history.

Within minutes he was introduced to Alice's very best friend in the whole wide world, Bella and the three of them had been inseparable since.

Now Jasper knew that there might have been a lot of guys out there that would resent the type of relationship that Alice and Bella have. If ever he came over to hang out with Alice in the evenings, Bella was usually there. If they were going out for pizza and a movie on a Saturday night, Bella was always invited along. And when they were trying to decide where they might go off to college and what they would ultimately do with the rest of their lives, he and Alice and Bella all had to be factored into the equation. It never bothered Jasper though. He loved Bella almost as much as he loved Alice, just not in exactly the same way. He thought of her more like a friend and a sister, but the bond was just as strong. He'd do anything for her. And he knew that she deserved more than most to be happy.

With such a kind heart, she'd always been willing to stay behind and let he and Alice have time alone. She hated that they were so concerned with including her in everything, which of course only encouraged them to try even harder to make her see that she was welcome to come along and be a part of whatever they were doing. She was always fun to be around and it never felt like a chore or any sort of obligation having Bella join them. Jasper was only ever disappointed by Bella's reluctance. He knew her story and the reasons why she shied away from most people and unknown situations, but he was incurably optimistic, and he'd always felt that if she'd open herself up, just a little, that she could find a guy to truly make her happy. She didn't have to always be alone and she didn't need to feel like the third wheel all the time. She was a great girl and there were loads of men out there that could and would treat her right, if she'd only give them a chance. Then maybe she'd come to know the type of love that he'd been so fortunate to discover with Alice—one could only hope.

As Jasper stretched out his stiff limbs and rubbed the sleep from his eyes he realized that here it was seven years later and Bella had finally given a guy a chance. How ironic that it would be Alice's own brother—someone that Jasper had never even thought to consider. He wasn't really sure why that possibility had never occurred to him, but it was probably because he often thought of Alice and Bella being more like sisters rather than just friends. That and he'd only ever met Edward a time or two before this recent visit. He liked Edward, but he was awfully quite, and shy wasn't a strong enough word to really nail down his usual personality. With all of Bella's issues to consider Jasper had to reason that the combination of their traits just wouldn't mix very well. But he'd been wrong about a thing or two before now. Shouldn't come as any surprise that he could have been wrong about these two. In his case, with Alice, opposites seemed to attract. In Bella and Edward's it would seem as though their similarities were in fact the key to success.

"Morning Jazz." Alice came bounding into the room and over the back of the sofa to perch next to where he'd been busy sitting and thinking.

"Morning Sugar." He chuckled while leaning over to kiss her lightly on the cheek.

"You feel alright this morning? I hated to leave you on the couch all night, but I also didn't want to risk Mom's wrath this morning if I were to try and sneak you upstairs with me."

"You think your mother doesn't realize that we've already spent the night together more times than I'm capable of counting?" Jasper challenged with a devious wiggle of his eyebrows.

"No." Alice sighed. "But as far as she's aware all of those nights have been somewhere other than her house."

"And your father would like to remain under that impression as well, at least for a while longer if you don't mind." Carlisle casually interjected on his way through to the kitchen.

"If you're headed in there to make some waffles this morning, I can guarantee it will never happen." Jasper enthusiastically promised as he got up to follow Alice's father into the kitchen, his stomach always ready for breakfast in the Cullen house.

He may not have spent the night _with_ Alice in her parent's house so far as they were aware, but he had been around many a morning in time for breakfast.

"I can't promise they'll be as good as usual. My helper is out of town at the moment." Carlisle teased as he slid the coffee canister down towards Jasper so that he could put a pot on to brew, while he began searching the cupboards for ingredients.  
Nobody even had to ask about what he'd meant by his little comment. Bella and Carlisle always made waffles together when everyone was over early enough for breakfast.

"You act as though you're jealous, Dad." Alice smirked.

"Change is difficult for old people, darling." Carlisle shook his head sadly, making Jasper snort with laughter.

"You might want to go ahead and clear away _command central_ so that your mother won't have to fuss about that when she gets up." He added a moment later, indicating the mess of electronics still littering the kitchen table.

Jasper and Carlisle had joked back and forth after dinner last night, once Alice had set up her laptop again in order to keep track of the evening's progress with Edward and Bella, that she'd missed her calling as a special agent or some type of spy. They'd briefly referred to her post as _mission control_ but in the end they both agreed that _command central_ seemed to be a more fitting title.

Despite the jokes however, there had been much speculation about how the happy couple was doing and where they might go from here in terms of their relationship. Would this outing change their everyday dynamic? Would Edward suddenly be _normal_ in all respects? If he could travel with Bella, take her out to dinner, stay the night in a hotel, attend a live concert, what else might he be capable of? Was the curse well and truly broken with such a substantial achievement? And would this restore some of Bella's confidence and ability to trust? Could she or would she be more open to the idea of circumstances she'd normally avoid?

Happily, thanks to Alice and all of her connections, they were able to enjoy some firsthand insight to the matter. Because of her involvement they'd been able to communicate with the restaurant staff, who had wonderful news to relay—saying that both Edward and Bella had been relaxed and seemed to have had an enjoyable dinner. Javier, the young man who'd been driving them about the city, was able to report that they had managed every event on their agenda and that Miss Bella and Mr. Cullen were having a very pleasant evening. And of course Angela, Alice's closest conspirator for the night had talked for the better part of an hour with she and Esme via Skype. She'd described all of the events she'd been privy to and had encouraging news about Edward's demeanor upon their exit and subsequent arrival back at the hotel. There had also been a brief side-discussion about arranging breakfast for them in the morning and delaying check out until later in the day if it became necessary, knowing Bella's desire to sleep in whenever she could.

"Sure thing, Dad. Angela is suppose to phone this morning when she gets up, but she won't have time to get online until midday." Alice informed them as she started clearing away the mess that had been left the night before.

"You know, I've been thinking. If it takes this much effort to get your brother laid, you may have to consider that he just ain't ready yet." Jasper playfully mentioned in a surprisingly innocent tone.  
The response he got from all sides however told him just how well that comment had gone over and them some.

"Jazz!" Alice had admonished.

"Shit!" Carlisle had sputtered as he began choking on an ill-timed sip of orange juice.

And Esme, who he hadn't expected to be listening, had turned an about face and exited the room that she had just entered without a word, obviously too shocked to say anything just yet.

"What?" Jasper unaffectedly shrugged. He loved to shock Alice when he could and having her father there to back him up, he just couldn't resist the urge to mess with her this morning.

"For your information I'm not trying to get my brother laid. I'm trying to show him that he is capable of going out with his girlfriend, of doing more than sitting around the house, and coming over here for dinner, and hanging out with us on movie night." Alice was well on her way to getting good and worked up so Jasper crossed the room and laid a hand on her shoulder.  
Her stance calmed immediately.

"Just joking, Sugar. No need to explain yourself." He told her when she glared up at him with a rather perturbed expression.

"You've got to admit though. Candles, champagne…it does sort of seem like you're trying to get your brother laid."

"DAD!" Alice shrieked as she snatched up her computer and left the room, her father and Jasper dissolving shamelessly into another fit of giggles.

"Think I offended Esme?" Jasper asked after he and Carlisle had managed to quietly assemble most of the breakfast.

"Nah, she knows the deal." He shook his head. "She's their mother though, so by default she's suppose to avoid certain topics."

"I still feel like I ought to apologize. I never would have said that if I'd known she was in the room." Jasper went on to explain.

"Up to you." Carlisle conceded.

He knew that Jasper was a good kid. He was a gentleman and treated his daughter with respect. It wasn't like him to be rude or unthinking, ever. So he knew that when he said such things that he was no doubt joking; just letting his mischievous inner child have some fun for a change. And the fact that he would worry over offending Esme with such a playful little comment only seemed to validate this opinion, therefore making Carlisle respect him even more.

"You know, I probably haven't thanked you for anything in a while," he found himself saying as he turned out another perfectly shaped waffle onto the platter that Jasper had waiting, "but you've been very understanding with all that's been going on the past week or so and I appreciate that. I know it means a lot to Alice."

Jasper nodded without saying anything, his attention humbly focused on the granite countertop instead. Carlisle went on for a few more minutes talking about how wonderful it was to have Edward home again and how excited Esme was to be helping him aquire the new house. He talked about how much he loved seeing Alice and Edward together and how she'd always been such a great supporter of his, how much Edward needed her. And he talked about Bella. Yes, Bella truly held a special place in Carlisle's heart. She wasn't one of his, biologically speaking, but he loved her as if she was and he was overjoyed to see her so happy and so obviously in love—finally.

"About a week and a half ago, at my age and with all I've managed in my life, I would have said that there wasn't much left that could surprise me. But that was a week and a half ago." Carlisle chuckled.

"It's been a good week, hasn't it?" Jasper smiled in agreement.

"Just the start of many good things to come I'm thinking." Carlisle winked with a mysteriously all-knowing smile.


	36. Chapter 36

A/N: As promised…..;)

Chapter 36

The delicious aroma of a nice hot breakfast first thing in the morning was one of her most favorite things and Bella smiled as the smell of waffles and sausage and coffee tickled her nose. It reminded her of happy days spent with Alice and her family in the summertime, and on long weekends home visiting from college. She and Carlisle would turn out waffles while Alice would make outlandish coffee concoctions and Esme would fry up the perfect sausage links, swatting Jasper's hands away from the platter of hot bacon strips as he usually hovered eagerly over her shoulder.

Bella turned over and stretched out, luxuriating in the softness of her sheets. She always loved staying over at the Cullen's; Esme had the best sheets ever, a bazillion thread count or something ridiculous she was sure. These sheets were the best though—they smelled exactly like Edward. It was a pleasant, clean smell for sure, but something that was uniquely Edward, and something that she was sure she would have remembered if she'd ever come across it before. How odd that she would notice it now, since she could never recall associating the scent she now seemed to crave with anything she'd ever made note of while visiting Alice's family.

Rather than allow herself to become confused, as she was just trying to convince herself that it might be okay to officially wake up, her brain was already busy telling itself to be quiet. She'd determined over a week ago that there was no point in trying to analyze exactly what Edward's scent consisted of and she was certainly in no condition to revisit the topic at such an hour. Deciding to give up on her internal musings, she turned burying her face in the pillow for another minute instead, so that she might just enjoy a few more moments of relaxation. However, in turning she encountered something she'd not counted on. There was a firm, warm body lying next to her, and the unexpectedness of her discovery forced her eyes to open.  
There in bed beside her, Edward lay on his belly, his face turned towards her, his eyes still closed, his breathing low and even. His bed-tousled hair was standing on end and his right hand was curled up under his chin. The overall picture made him look so innocent and peaceful, like a child almost. However, the emotions that flared within Bella as she drank in the sight of him were at odds with such a thought. He was adorable for sure, but seeing his bare torso, his strong muscled back and the now familiar scar that would forever mar his skin made the word _sexy_ seem far more appropriate.

Bella glanced around the room taking in the dimly lit space before her eyes eagerly came back to the sight she truly wished to see. How in the world could she have forgotten?  
There in the corner were her discarded shoes; over the back of the chair in the opposite corner was her dress and Edward's pants that he'd worn the night before—the product of a few moments spent straightening up in the bathroom prior to them retiring for the night. On the nightstand next to her she'd noticed their empty champagne glasses and smiled.

They'd drawn the curtains after cleaning up a bit, turned out the remaining lights and lit a single candle before returning to bed, snuggling together as they shared one final glass of Cristal.

"What would you like to do tomorrow?" Edward had asked quietly as they were both drifting off to sleep.

"Anything, so long as I'm with you." She'd responded with a lazy grin.

"I like this plan." He had agreed while carefully settling his head against her chest.

She'd held him while he drifted off to sleep, the weight of his body next to her and the feel of his hand toying with the material of her shirt, her chin resting atop his messy hair.

"I love you so much, Sweetheart" she'd sighed. And that was the last thing she could remember—the perfect ending to a perfect day.

Despite the heavy curtains she could see that the bright morning sunlight was persistently looking for any way to infiltrate the room. At least she assumed it was morning.  
Trying to locate the clock, as it was situated on the nightstand the other side of Edward, Bella propped herself up on an elbow, careful to keep her movements slow and steady, trying her best to avoid waking him unnecessarily.

10:15am. Not so bad—still morning, but a reasonable hour to be waking by Bella's usual estimation.

Happily she settled herself again and lay there smiling at her boyfriend.

She was extraordinarily proud of Edward, but if she were to be honest she was quite proud of herself as well. Yesterday had been one of the most amazing days of her life, and she instinctively knew that it always would be. They had both accomplished so much, proving that they could indeed grow and change. It made her believe that they could achieve anything so long as they were together.

As Bella continued to watch Edward she began to daydream, recalling various events from the night prior. Edward kissing her, the feel of his hand upon her leg, the taste of champagne clinging to his lips, the feel of those lips against her neck—every thought growing more erotic than the one before.

Her hands were suddenly itching to reach out and touch him. She wanted to feel the warmth of his body and caress every one of his features. She'd love to trace his thick, dark eyebrows, and trail a finger along the subtly crooked bridge of his nose. She wanted to kiss his pouty little lips and press her face into the side of his neck, losing herself in his scent and the fact that he would allow her the privilege of exploring him in such a way.

"Good morning, Baby" Edward's gravely morning voice quietly greeted her; the feel of her visual inspection apparently enough to wake him, though her only wish was to let him sleep a while longer so that she could continue enjoying the view.  
As a matter of fact she might have been upset by any other distraction which threatened to pull her from such wonderful memories and ideas, but seeing Edward's sleepy eyes smiling back at her rivaled every thought she'd just been having, the sound of his voice making her heart quicken.

"Good morning." she repeated with a shy little smile, thanks to the vivid images her memory had recently recalled and those that her subconscious was hoping to pursue.

Edward wiggled a bit closer and draped his arm over her to simulate the position they'd fallen asleep in, but had apparently abandoned at some point during the night. She wanted to worry that he would notice the extreme warmth of her skin or her hardened nipples—evidence of her increasing arousal, but she couldn't deny herself the pleasure of his embrace.  
He hummed a contented sigh as he settled in beside her, his head once again resting comfortably against her chest.

"Did you sleep well?" she inquired in a small voice, letting her fingers delve into his thick, disheveled tresses.

"Mmm…never better." He groaned, nuzzling his face against the pale bit of skin exposed by her open collar.

While she was preoccupied with the feeling his hand slipped underneath her and before she realized what was happening he'd flipped to his back bringing her to lie on top of him.  
He was chuckling as she moved her hair aside, a hand resting against the side of her head to hold it out of the way as she smiled down at him and his happy expression.

"Are we feeling playful today?" she laughed.

"Playful, ecstatic, overjoyed…. pick one." His nodded.

"In love?" Bella wondered.

"From the first moment I saw you, Baby, and it just keeps getting stronger." He informed her, punctuating his confession with a long, lingering kiss.

Their lips molded to one another, slowly moving in a rhythm that they'd become accustomed to until Bella carefully moved away and slide to his side.

"I've been thinking, Edward" she began, her hand resting lightly against his chest.

He turned slightly so that he was facing her as his hand located the warmth of her thigh. She could feel his cool fingers boldly moving along her heated skin and she unconsciously reached to caress the length of his scar. Feeling his body shiver under her touch Bella inched closer and placed a delicate kiss against his chest.

"I think that I'm ready…" she'd been shyly looking up at him, but she couldn't seem to maintain eye contact when she noticed how he'd redirected his attention, watching her carefully, trying to discern what it was that she was telling him.

"You've allowed me the privilege of seeing you, and touching you…"

Edward's eyes became alight with recognition as her fingers wandered their way down the front of his body, a single digit tracing the narrow path of hair that would disappear into his pajama bottoms.

"If you would…or if you want to, I mean…I umm…" she stuttered slightly as she took hold of his hand and began to guide his touch where she wanted it most.

"Bella." Edward kindly interrupted.

"I want to." He told her in all honesty. He'd gently freed his hand and placed a single finger under her chin, so she would lift her eyes and look at him again. "Don't ever doubt that." He kissed her tenderly. "I want to know _everything_ there is to know about you. I want to one day truly experience the type of connection that only lovers know, but not until you are sure. And never because you feel obligated or that you owe me anything."

After Edward had shyly left their embrace last night to go and clean up the product of her generous stimulation and finally change into his pajamas, Bella had followed shortly thereafter to wash her hands and pick up the mess of clothes littering the bathroom. When they'd settled once again enjoying another glass of champagne, Edward had eventually, all be it rather awkwardly, offer to return the favor. At the time Bella had felt the need to refuse. The emotional high she'd experienced from witnessing Edward in such a state had left her feeling more than satisfied for the time being. Plus, she still could not predict her response should he touch her in a similar manner. No matter how much she might desire the experience she was still undeniably fearful of any adverse reaction that might be induced as a result.  
Edward had been incredibly understanding, as always, letting the subject rest in favor of thanking her some more for what she had been willing to do for him. There was no further discussion to speak of but Edward made a conscious effort to carefully let Bella know that he would take very good care of her when the time came that she felt comfortable enough to ask for whatever she wanted from him.  
He touched her tenderly and kissed her gently. His hands gripped her body passionately as he explored more of her than he ever had before. He unfastened an extra button on the shirt that she wore, moving the material aside as he let his lips wander across her collarbone, kissing lightly along the side of her neck and down to the upper swell of her breast. His hands had come up under the back of her shirt as well, loving the way that the warmth of her skin felt against the coldness of his. He'd hovered above her and rolled to where she was lying atop of him, the slow methodical process of his affection lulling her into a state of calm that she'd never known.

"One day, Baby," he'd whispered as he let his touch roam across the smooth softness of her belly, "we'll both be ready and I promise that you'll never doubt how much I truly adore you."

This morning Bella was convinced that she was ready. Though Edward seemed to think that she felt some sense of obligation she hadn't said anything of the sort; but she did know that some part of her felt like she should give Edward the option, or at the very least the opportunity. She felt that what he had shared with her the night before was the ultimate in trust. To be so vulnerable and open with another, to share something so intimate was nothing short of incredible. Bella knew that she wanted Edward in ways that she couldn't explain and she wanted to show him that she was capable of that same level of trust and commitment as well.

"It's not that I feel obligated particularly, but I guess I do feel like it's my turn, you know?" she tried to explain. "And whether every part of me is really ready, I _want_ to be ready, if that makes any sense." Having experienced her very first orgasm the day before she was eager to know that sensation again, and undeniably curious as to how it would feel if Edward were the one to stimulate her body in such a way. With all that she'd experienced the night before, her body was certainly ready to try whether her mind was willing to risk it or not.

"How about this," Edward proposed, "when the moment arises we'll take it from there. If you are uncomfortable all you have to do is say so, but if you say you are ready I won't question your decision."

"Sounds fair." She agreed.

Edward pulled her in closer and kissed her forehead.

"You look absolutely stunning in my shirt, by the way." He told her as her hands began to appreciate the familiar warmth of his back, her arms reluctant to sever their hold on him any time soon.

"It's a shame that I'll have to change so that we can head back home." She sighed, not ready to give up the privacy and comfort they'd been able to share either.

"There's no rush, we don't have to check out until two, and if you'd like we can always stay another day" Edward grinned his boyish grin, "or week, or the next few months."

Bella couldn't help but giggle at his silliness, the subject matter from just before all but forgotten in favor of laughing with her boyfriend.

"Tempting." She promised. But it just wasn't possible and in the end not nearly as tempting as the man that was patiently lying beside her, waiting for another kiss.

"Do I smell breakfast?" Edward asked eventually as he worked his way down one side of her neck, across her throat and back to her lips.

"It's what woke me earlier." Bella managed to breathe as he continued to place tender kisses about her neck and face.

"Smells wonderful." He agreed as he turned once again bringing Bella with him as he amorously claimed her lips.

Bella felt his hands descend the length of her back and come to rest on the rise of her bottom. Her shirt had risen up with their movement and now all that covered her was the thin cotton of her panties. In the back of her mind she was well aware of this, but happy to know that it didn't seem to bother her or make her feel uncomfortable at this point.

"Are you hungry, Baby?" his voice was stronger now after all of their chatting, but the aroused groan that dominated his tone made her hunger for something other than food all over again.

There were no words. How could she answer him when she was hardly able to breathe?

Edward turned them once again and kissed her, his hand coming up to caress the color of her cheek.

"Don't go anywhere" he grinned.

Bella blinked as her eyes attempted to follow his movement, rolling out of bed, striding towards the door that would lead him to the sitting area outside. She could hardly believe that such a beautiful man actually existed, much less the fact that he was here with her. And when had he become so confident? Walking around in nothing more than his flannel sleep pants, riding low about his hips, his seemingly ever-present hard on undeniably obvious. If that's what an orgasm at the hands of another could do for you, Bella was suddenly more than willing to sign up for that program.

Bella propped herself up against a pillow and combed her fingers through her hair in his absence, self consciously straightening the shirt to covered herself a bit better. She wasn't sure what brought on this bout of shyness all of a sudden. Perhaps it was the fact that she'd just offered him her body and he'd refused, all be it politely and with good reason. And then he'd promised to take things as they came; but right when she felt as though they were well on their way, he'd abandoned her in favor of food? It was very apparent that he wasn't completely immune to her affection, but unfortunately her limited self-esteem was in the mood to be confused today, as usual.

When Edward returned he was all smiles as he handed over a cup of coffee, sitting on the edge of the bed closest to Bella.

"Would you like breakfast in bed, love? Or would you like to sit out on the balcony? It looks like a beautiful day." He hinted.

"Which would you prefer?" she asked instead of choosing; both options sounded appealing so she could hardly make such a decision.

"Either one so long as I get to tag along." He chuckled, not about to let her get away with making him decide.

Resisting the urge to pout, Bella knew that it wasn't in her to squander one of the few sunny days you might get to experience in the state of Washington so she managed a smile instead and climbed out of bed.

"Breakfast out on the balcony and then an extra cup of coffee in bed afterwards." She told him, offering a hand.

Edward laced their fingers together and lifted their hands, placing a kiss on the back of hers.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he asked. He didn't know exactly what it was but Bella's demeanor seemed to be a little off as she led him into the sitting room.

The spread was phenomenal. Coffee and juice, waffles, sausage and French toast; there were fresh berries and whipped topping, a tin of honey and a pot of warm syrup to round out the usual condiments. As she looked over the delicious offerings available for their morning meal Bella chewed nervously at her lower lip.

"It's nothing. I just can't seem to turn my brain off this morning." She grinned a little at how that was usually _his_ line, and looked up to see his concerned expression staring back at her. "You know how it is."

"Which is why I want you to talk to me. Let me help." He offered.

Bella opened the French doors that led out to their own private balcony, complete with a bubbling little fountain and a fragrant type of ivy growing along an ornate trellis. They were actually high enough above the bustling city to be able to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere it was meant to provide, making it the perfect choice for an intimate breakfast. Edward watched as Bella quietly explored the small, yet beautifully designed space. He was secretly pleased that she'd gone with this option, even though it meant they would be leaving the bedroom for a while.

"I never thought I'd willingly offer myself to a man—that I would feel comfortable, kissing and touching and…exposing myself to someone like that." Bella's words were little more than a whisper as she attempted to talk things through as Edward had suggested.

"I know your reasoning and I'm grateful that you feel the way that you do, but…" she hesitated and turned her back towards him, fingering a bit of the ivy as she contemplated her next words. Would it really do any good to hurt his feelings the way that she felt hers had been? She didn't want to, but she was sure that telling him the truth would inevitably do so.

"I've hurt your feelings?" Edward painfully realized while she'd been thinking.

Bella turned to him, hearing every ounce of regret in his voice.

"I know you didn't mean to, and if I were anyone else I don't think you would have." She sympathetically assured him.

Edward bit back a few expletives as he mentally berated himself for being so foolish. Of course Bella would interpret his hesitation as some type of rejection. It didn't matter that he had tried to explain his reasoning; she obviously knew how wonderful the experience had been for him, when she'd so generously offered to assist with his release. And she must understand the desire one felt to reciprocate that kind of pleasure. So wouldn't she doubt his attraction to her if he were to deny a similar feeling? Sure he'd offered last night, but this morning he'd basically derailed any opportunity she might have had to plead her case.

Edward felt himself becoming weak and his insides were twisting painfully, but he wouldn't succumb to his anxiety today.

"Don't make what I've done to you seem okay," he pleaded, forcing his body to approach her.

"Edward, Sweetheart, listen," she attempted to comfort him.  
This was definitely the outcome she was hoping to avoid. His shoulders were slumped and his head was hanging as he tugged repeatedly at his tangled mess of hair.

"Hey," she said quietly looking up at his suddenly tear stained face. "We're a mess, both of us, remember? Things aren't always going to go the way we expect or necessarily want them to."

The right side of his mouth pulled up slightly, trying to manage a smile of understanding, but the rest of his expression stubbornly fought against it.

"Let me apologize. Let me make it up to you somehow." He begged, but Bella shook her head.

"You were right. If I'm still this sensitive and uncertain then I'm not really ready. So even though some part of me is disappointed I should actually be thanking you."

Edward wrapped her in a fierce hug, holding her against him with all of his strength.

"Please believe me, Baby, I never want to hurt you. I love you. And god, you are so damn beautiful..."

"Stop it Edward, please." She implored. She managed to get hold of his hands and encouraged him to loosen his hold. Guiding him to the little wicker loveseat nearby she indicated he should take a seat before she made herself comfortable on his lap.

As Edward was busy feeling horrible for what was not even close to being his fault Bella was finally figuring things out. She hated that she had these issues to deal with and that her problems could trigger Edward's so easily, but unfortunately that's what made this thing between them possible. Perhaps if the day ever arrived where she could finally accept that they both had certain tendencies to overreact to anything of an emotional nature between them then she could be more prepared for these things and better equipped to deal with them as a result. For now she wasn't lying when she'd said that they were both a mess, but hopefully one day they would learn that their issues could wait while they focused their attention on each other instead. An idea that the optimistic side of her brain really wanted to believe it was possible.

Kissing his cheek Bella tried to verbalize what she'd just been thinking. She allowed herself to touch and caress Edward's face in a manner not unlike what she'd envisioned while he was sleeping, only in this scenario it was meant to comfort him instead of arousing her.

"Wonder if Mom could design something like this for my new place if I'm lucky enough to get it?" he mentioned after a while as the two of them sat quietly holding one another, waiting for their emotions settled

Bella's eyes lit up immediately. "Off of the bedroom. Where the double window is already. And if it was wide enough, you could create an entrance from the kitchen as well. There's nothing on the far wall to get in the way of a new door."

Edward couldn't contain his amused chuckle listening to her go on about the possibilities his new home might have in store. He'd loved that she was so excited for him and obviously wanted to be involved. It only seemed to validate that he was making some very wise decisions as of late, his earlier bumble not included. Thankfully though this topic of conversation seemed to bring out the best in both of them and Edward was happy to have stumbled upon it; but before he was prepared to move on entirely he kissed Bella and softly thanked her for her understanding, insisting he be allowed to say he was sorry for the miscommunication. Going back inside to retrieve their breakfast after she'd finally conceded that they should both apologize in the end, Edward returned with an arm full of serving platters.

"Are you chilly?" he asked watching her tuck her legs up under her as she normally would. The movement served to remind him that she was only wearing his shirt and little else at the moment.

"No I'm fine. How about you?" she wondered, her hand roaming over his bare shoulder when he took his seat beside her, after laying out their breakfast, seeing as he hadn't bothered with a shirt of his own.

"It feels nice out." He shrugged.

"I don't often wear a shirt when it gets warm." He decided to confess a moment later.

"You sound like you're apologizing." Bella teased as she offered him a bite of waffle with her fingers. "It doesn't bother me, you know, you being shirtless. I quite enjoy it actually."  
Edward accepted the morsel with a crooked little grin and licked the tips of her fingers to insure he wasn't being slighted on syrup.

Bella kissed his upper bicep where it met up with the curve of his shoulder in return and leaned into him as she reached for her coffee, the two of them seeming to settle back into their nice, comfortable routine once again.

"The cabin…it's really not much. My grandfather and an uncle of his built it back in the 40's. It was really nothing more than a little shack they could stay in when they went hunting in the mountains back then. But when Dad was in high school he and some friends decided to spend a summer there and they basically rebuilt the thing, fixed the roof, added an extra room, and an overhang for the porch. They managed to drill a shallow well and added indoor plumbing too. Eventually he had electricity installed and upgraded some of the amateur craftsmanship he and his buddies had been responsible for once he had the means." Bella had heard a very abbreviated version of this story already during one of the many late night conversations early on in their relationship. She loved it when Edward would open up and willingly talk about himself and his lifestyle, so she wasn't about to interrupt his train of thought with curious questions as to where this story was headed. Instead she nibbled on a piece of bacon and followed that with a few ripe blueberries, patiently listening as he went on to describe a few more details about how his father had improved the place he would one day call his home.

"This one time, Alice and Mom had gone to Olympia for the weekend and Dad said we were going to have some quality guy time while they were away. I was eight years old and I'd never been anyplace farther from home than Portland. Dad came into my room that day and said, 'Dress warm and bring along your new camera.' When I got downstairs he handed me a box with a new pair of hiking boots in it and another with case of film and a set of binoculars inside."  
Edward rubbed at his forehead a bit and turned his head so that he could kiss Bella's cheek. He settled back, finally allowing him self to get a little more comfortable, and wrapped his arm around her after grabbing a few berries from the tray.

"He wouldn't tell me where we were going, just kept insisting that we were on an adventure." Edward smiled at the memory. His father had no idea at the time that the spontaneous trip and the introduction to all of the wonderful things to be discovered out in the wilderness would shape much of his life from then on, but Edward knew that it had been the beginning of his most treasured obsession.

"I can't ever recall smiling so much as I did that weekend. Me and Dad spent all day hiking and taking pictures of plants and animals and that night we looked through all of the old books that Grandpa had collected over the years so that we could try and identify all of the things we hadn't been able to recognize. We built a fire and slept on the floor and ate s'mores for breakfast."

"Your dad does have a soft spot for all things chocolate." Bella snickered.

Edward smiled in agreement and reached for another bite of waffle; this time he offered it to Bella, who returned the favor of licking his fingers clean.

"On the way home Dad dropped the film off at a one hour developing place and got a hotel room so that we could shower and clean ourselves up so that Mom wouldn't freak out when we got back. The rest of the way home I just kept flipping through picture after picture. Dad still claims that four hour car ride was the most he'd ever heard me talk up till then."

Edward glanced at Bella and smiled.

"I just couldn't help it though, I'd finally discovered something I really enjoyed, something challenging and new, and yet something I really felt comfortable and capable of doing."

Bella nodded her understanding and let her hand rest against his flannel-covered thigh.

"When we got home, I announced that when I was old enough I wanted to move into Grandpa's cabin and live there. I'm not sure whether it was the proximity to nature that appealed to me, or the seclusion exactly. I'm sure it was a bit of both, but stubborn as I am, I decided that it didn't really matter. It was the only place I wanted to be."

Bella handed Edward his coffee cup and reached for another strip of bacon, which he playfully nabbed from her and kept for himself.

"How old were you when you finally got to move?" she wondered.  
He'd gone off to school in Chicago as a young teen and he'd spent time in Alaska while taking his college classes. She knew that he'd been working for the past four years, but had he always been in Colorado during that time? He'd never said.

"Twenty. I finished school early and completed all of my college credits ahead of schedule. When I was done I went home for a few days and asked Dad if I could go to the cabin the following week. While I was there I made a list of everything I would need to make it a livable, functional space and never looked back." He sighed a little and then explained that, "Mom always worried about me and I don't think Alice ever really understood even though she accepted it, but Dad knew why I was there."

"You're going to miss it aren't you?" Bella concluded when Edward grew silent.

He tugged at his pajama bottoms near the bend of his knee and rubbed the fabric between his fingers before he could respond.

"If I'm fortunate enough to get this new house, I'm going to have to go back so that I can move my things," he cleared his throat a bit and took a deep breath. "I was wondering…hoping really, that you might come with me. I'd really like for you to see the place and maybe if you like it there we could go from time to time. It'd be a bit more comfortable than taking you out into some unknown area to explore, but you'd still get a feel for what its like."

"Oh Edward, I would love to see your home." She instantly agreed, a new level of excitement creeping into her voice as she sat up a little straighter and turned to kiss him.

"Can we sleep on the floor by the fire and have s'mores for breakfast?" she giggled.

"I do have a bed, Baby." He smiled, "and an electric blanket for when it gets cold."

"Is it still cold there? Its practically summer." She wondered, knowing the cool temperatures never seemed to bother him.

"It's always cool at night, but it does get warm during the day. It's the reason I rarely wear a shirt in summer. I've got a fireplace and the electric blanket for when its cold, but the best I can do to cool off is a fan and a cold shower."

"No wonder you don't ordinarily bother with pajamas." Bella discovered.

They were quiet then, each of them taking a few more bites of breakfast and another sip of coffee.

"So when do we leave?" Bella inquired eventually.

"We have until two." Edward reiterated, "but I suppose whenever you're ready."

"When do we go to the cabin?" Bella clarified her question, surprising Edward with her eagerness.

"I guess once we hear back about the house and you can manage the time away from work?" he speculated.

"How long do we need?"

"A day to drive each way, a day to pack, maybe another to…play?"

No neighbors, a perpetually shirtless Edward _and_ a day to play. A girl could be in danger of letting her imagination run away with such a tempting situation.

She'd managed to get over her earlier disappointment, now knowing that his concern had been for the best, but she was still anxious to have as much alone time as possible to explore and practice what she did feel comfortable with so far. And a little voice in the back of her mind was telling her that Edward, in his own environment, in the comfortable surroundings he most desired, would be more willing to let his guard down and perhaps succumb to certain wishes she might like to express.

"I can go into the office first thing tomorrow and find out what my work load looks like for the next few weeks." She determined with a smile.

Edward returned her smile and rubbed at the back of his neck. His earlier moment of panic had really done a number on his muscles and he suspected that all of the excitement from the day before was starting to catch up to him as well. He didn't want to think that his restless movement had anything to do with his nerves, but he couldn't seem to avoid reminding himself that he'd made a promise yesterday morning. It was before he'd gone down to start breakfast, before he'd come to find Bella having such a fitful sleep, and long before the day had turned into the most wonderful date he could have ever imagined. Edward was a stubborn man though and he'd never go back on a promise, especially one that he'd made to him self, even though he'd only been going on about the cabin to explain the level of comfort he had in a less than dressed manner. It was now quite obvious that an opportunity had presented itself.

When he'd awakened to begin what he thought was going to be a day of reflection and self-evaluation he'd started to think of what he really wanted most. He'd narrowed his thoughts to what he believed would be the most attainable, then went beyond that to consider things that he felt were a little less so. Before he could write anything down in his journal the most obvious solution to a problem he was subconsciously looking to solve had happily occurred to him.

He loved Bella and he wanted to be with her in every way imaginable, but he was terrified of hurting her. He knew that he could be gentle and that he would take the utmost care in making sure she knew exactly why he sought the pleasure of her body, but he could not guarantee that her history wouldn't come back to haunt them.  
That said he was still motivated to make sure that they could enjoy every aspect of a normal, healthy, loving relationship; the only question that remained was, how he might go about that.

And the solution—remove them both from everything that would ordinarily fuel their doubts and encourage their anxiety.

The only way that he knew he could insure his own sense of security, the only place that he truly felt at ease was in his cabin—away from the rest of the world, secluded and alone, guarded from opinions and safe from interruption. He knew that he wanted Bella to accompany him when he would return and he truly hoped that she would enjoy it there. It had never occurred to him however that some time alone, so far away from everything and everyone, might be just what they'd both need in order to truly explore the possibilities. So he had promised himself, truly believing that this could be a viable solution to their continued awkwardness and reluctance, that when he found himself alone with Bella in his mountain home, he would make every effort to pursue what he really wanted. If Bella indicated that she were willing he'd not allow any hesitation or doubts from his end to interfere.

"Are you feeling sore today?" Bella's concerned voice let him know that she'd noticed his actions.

He smiled and let his head rest against her shoulder.

"I had one hell of a day yesterday." He chuckled.

"You and me both, Sweetheart." Bella grinned.

"What do you say to that cup of coffee and some more snuggles?" he offered.

"Okay." Before Bella could finish getting the word out, Edward was on his feet and had scooped her up into his arms.

"Guess what?" he asked, depositing her in bed a moment later, the coffee seemingly forgotten in favor of skipping right to the snuggles.

She raised a questioning eyebrow and shook her head slightly.

"I know I messed up this morning, but I'm gonna make it all better…if you'll let me?" He teased, playfully paraphrasing one of her lines in order to keep the conversation light.  
He certainly didn't want to risk falling back into the morose atmosphere that had enveloped them a bit ago, when initially discussing this topic.

"What are you talking about?" Bella wondered, suddenly nervous as to what is intentions were. Did he mean here? Now? She suddenly felt excited all over again.

"We keep running into these little hiccups that neither of us can seem to avoid, and that isn't anyone's fault; but back home there aren't any hiccups—for me at least. " Edward kissed her gently. "When we go to the cabin I'm going to ask you the same things that you asked me last night; there won't be any pressure and I'll respect whatever your answer is, but you know that it takes some time for me to gather my courage and in the right environment I think that I'll be more than ready and…very willing."

He was so sincere and Bella knew that what he was telling her made sense. She realized after just a moment to think about it that there was a bit of relief in having a plan and a promise to look forward to. She had time to think about it, and he'd left the final decision up to her, so that whatever happened she would ultimately be in control, as they both knew she'd have to be in order to insure success. Now all she had to do was find some courage while he was busy gathering up his own.

"Sounds like a plan." She easily agreed.

Edward held her close now and nuzzled the top of her head.

"You know, the only other thing that has ever made me feel as comfortable and confident as being safely tucked away in my cabin does is being with you."  
His confession might have been an obvious fact, something that they both knew to be true based on experience, but it warmed her heart to hear him say it nonetheless.

"Are you sure it's safe to combine the two? I'd be willing to bet that the world isn't ready for a doubly confident Edward Cullen." She teased earning her a severe tickling, which threw them into a happy fit of laughter—any residual concerns over the unexpected events of the morning now forgotten in favor of savoring what little remained of their very first date.


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: It should come as no surprise by now that I need at least the better part of a whole chapter to get back into the swing of things whenever I'm forced into taking a break from writing for any period of time, so this would be that chapter. Just bear with me folks, I'm working my way towards the fun stuff soon enough :)

Chapter 37

Beautiful. It was still the only word that Edward could come up with that seemed appropriate, but at the same time terribly inadequate. And it wasn't just because Edward felt his heart trip just moments after entering the kitchen, having caught a glimpse of Bella, already hard at work and wearing an enormous grin. It was more so because in that instant his entire body had decided to react, and it actually made him smile. He was extremely pleased that he could now consider this sensation a wonderful feeling instead of the uncomfortable one it had been in the past, and lately he often found himself wondering if he'd ever get use the shock of pleasure he would experience whenever he found himself in her presence after any period away. Secretly he hoped that he never would, since there was something very reassuring, not to mention exhilarating, about it—this feeling that his entire being was in agreement about something. Every piece of him was undeniably in love with Bella.

"You weren't suppose to start without me." He finally chuckled, gaining her attention after having taken a minute to just enjoy the view.

Bella looked up from the mixing bowl in front of her and allowed her grin to brighten.

"Too excited." was her simple, yet chipper reply as she went about adding a few more ingredients.

"Well, I'm here now so feel free to put me to work." He offered rather than dispute her eagerness to start the meal they would be preparing together and later serving to his family.

"Blender is in the cabinet over the fridge, and we'll need another mixing bowl for the marinade. A big one." Bella instructed while nudging the recipe she'd already pulled from her card folder in his direction with an elbow.

Instead of accepting the card and going off to retrieve the requested items right away, Edward wrapped an arm around Bella's waist and let his chin come to rest on her shoulder, squeezing her body against him for a moment as he pretended to look over the recipe. He read the title of course. Lamb Vindallo- the random yet complex meal his sister had casually requested the night before. To her credit, Bella never even blinked at Alice's idea; even though she told Edward immediately after that it would take some time and a special trip to the store if they were going to grant her wish. Edward knew how she felt though, they owed an awfully big thank you to Alice for all that she'd done and cooking a special dinner seemed like the very least that they could do.

However, thoughts of his sister and of cooking didn't seem to matter much as Edward closed his eyes and let his nose travel down this side of Bella's neck, enjoying the way her body shivered in his arms and the way her scent complimented that of the mysterious chocolate concoction she was busy mixing up for their dessert.

"Edward," her voice was just above a whisper, "the lamb has to sit for six hours…"

It was obviously an attempt to get them back to the task at hand but Edward wasn't ready to let her go just yet. This was exactly the type of moment that Edward was no longer willing to ignore. He'd made many promises over the past twenty-four hours and he intended to keep each and every one of them.

He let her know that he understood so that she wouldn't think he wished to ignore her, but Edward proceeded to reach around with his free hand taking hold of the one Bella was using to stir her mixture. Her body was so relaxed that it didn't take much encouragement for her to release the whisk she'd been holding. Then slowly and deliberately he brought her fingers to his lips and licked the tips clean, freeing them of the sticky, sweet batter. Bella let him take his time before she moved her hand to the side of his face looking to guide him closer. She took pleasure in the feel of his nearly two days worth of beard growth against her palm and when their lips came together her insides flipped with delight.

It was true that Edward could have handled the aftermath of their misunderstanding in Seattle a lot of different ways, but the way he'd ultimately decided upon suited Bella just fine.

His hands were practically like ice but Bella didn't seem to mind it when they'd ventured up under the back of her hoodie, caressing her skin as his tongue leisurely made love to her mouth. There was no telling how long he'd held on to that kiss but when he finally pulled away Bella could see the intense hunger in his eyes and feel the firm result of their activity pressing against her abdomen.

"Six hours might be long enough for me to get my fill of you before the family arrives." He sighed doubtfully with a pitiful little pout that made Bella giggle.

"It'll be okay." She tried to assure the both of them, "They'll only be here for a few hours at most and then we'll have the night to ourselves."

"I've just about gotten all of my things moved downstairs," was his reply as he eventually turned away so that he might fetch the blender and start assembling the listed ingredients. "I don't think we should make the offer to Alice till after dinner though, otherwise she might insist on moving back in tonight." He smirked.

Bella smiled as well requiring no further explanation.

They'd been joking about it for most of the morning but they both knew that dinner with Alice and Jasper had been a given from the time they'd returned home last night. The extravagance of this undertaking however had been Bella's idea.  
When she'd overheard a short conversation Edward had been having with his mother earlier in the day she'd decided it would be in their best interest to invite everyone over for supper and be done with it. As it turned out Esme had been calling to say that she wanted to go over a few things with Edward concerning various details they would need to include in the contract they were hoping to secure on the house he wished to buy. When it was suggested that Edward come by the house sometime today so that he could look everything over in person, Bella had extended the offer to cook for everyone, sighting that they had already made plans with Alice and Jasper anyway.

Now it wasn't as if Bella didn't love going to visit the Cullen's, and Esme would have been more than happy to turn over her kitchen so that she could created the meal which Alice had specified over there, but it had suddenly occurred to Bella that she liked the idea of having Carlisle and Esme come to them for a change. Besides, she and Edward both knew what was coming. It was pretty well inevitable that the minute they were in the presence of everyone else there would be questions—scratch that…an interrogation. So the theory was that with _everyone_ over for dinner they could likely get all of the potential unpleasantness out of the way at once. And of course it seemed like a good idea to maintain some sort of home field advantage if they could. Should either of them start to feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable at all, at least a convenient escape wouldn't be so difficult to come by this way.

It was to be expected though; Edward and Bella had barely been home from their impromptu trip for a full day, but they had yet to see any one of his family members since returning. Bella had spoken to Alice of course to let her know that they had made it home safely and spent and moment saying thank you for all that she'd done to make the experience as easy and enjoyable as possible for them—hence the dinner invitation. But that had been the extent of their contact with the outside world until Esme had called a short while ago.

Of course, the opportunity to settle in and resume whatever was now going to be their normal everyday routine was appreciated, but neither Edward nor Bella was naïve enough to think they could avoid the situation of facing his family forever. They were just thankful that they had been granted some time alone so that they could find a few answers to the most obvious questions before anyone might feel the need to come right out and ask something that they didn't have a good answer for.  
And they didn't have all of the answers; something that had been painfully apparent at times during the previous day—a day that had turned into a rather long and stressful one at that.

By the time they'd gotten home yesterday they'd both been exhausted. They took the time to unload the car, start a load of laundry, and they each had a shower, but little else, neither one of them possessing the energy to do anything more in the end. It had only been six o'clock when they'd finished up, but it had been a busy couple of days for Edward and Bella, so despite the early hour they'd found themselves already dressed for bed and cuddled together on the sofa. Bella had made them some tea and though their intention had been to sit and talk a while, as was their nightly routine as of late, they instead sat quietly staring off at nothing in particular, silence surrounding them.

It wasn't that they felt uncomfortable per se, or that they didn't have plenty they could, or should be discussing all of a sudden, but there was definitely some tension in the air; it was the same lingering atmosphere that had been present earlier in the day during their journey home, so it wasn't any surprise that the trip back to Port Angeles had been a quiet one. They still smiled at one another and kept their hands linked together for the duration, but there was an unanswered question floating just beneath the surface that neither of them seemed ready to address.

_What now?_

The obvious answer was that they would continue on much like they'd done since meeting and getting to know one another, but there was a little more to it than that. The trip—this date they'd been on and all that it had involved seemed to signify the start of something new and different. This relationship was no longer a work in progress, something they were striving towards, unsure of whether it might work or if they would each be capable of the things they wanted to do most for the other. This trip had finally assured them that they could and they would—they just needed a little more time and each other. There was a plan and a promise in place now and the only thing left to consider was what they might do with themselves in the meantime. And it was during the quiet ride home that they were finally able to think about what they most wanted for their immediate future.

Bella wasn't surprised when she found herself wondering if Edward would want to stay with her from now on, in her room…in her bed—at least until he could officially secured his own housing that is.

It had been exceedingly comfortable sharing such an intimate space with him the night before, but would he be okay with such an arrangement on a more regular basis? She wasn't sure; and how would she go about offering such an alternative without appearing overly forward in the first place?  
She didn't think that Edward would find the situation inappropriate, but after their misunderstanding earlier in the day she couldn't help worrying over what sort of outcome a conversation like that might have were he to refuse, sighting some concern for _her_ comfort. And of course, as if it wasn't problematic enough already, she also wondered where such an arrangement might leave Alice.

If Edward were to vacate her room in favor of sharing Bella's would she be okay moving back into the house knowing that her friend and her brother were in fact _sleeping_ together? Knowing Alice it would likely be no big deal, even though jokes and suggestive comments were bound to come about at their expense. And of course knowing this it became quite obvious that she was more worried about how awkward it might become when it was time to say goodnight, or perhaps good morning, as the case may be. What would it be like to take Edward's hand and lead him down the stairs as his sister looked on, knowing full well what she would be looking forward to when they finally reached the private confines of her bedroom?

And Bella couldn't lie to herself any better than she could lie period. What she wanted was to fall asleep in Edward's arms; she wanted to hold him like she'd done last night. Bella looked forward to waking next to his sleeping form, watching the way his chest would slowly rise and fall with each breath, that serene, relaxed look upon his face as he slept, unaware of her attention. When he would finally wake they could cuddle together and greet each morning with whatever suited them best. On a good day perhaps Edward would allow her the privilege of helping relieve what she could only assume was a normal morning predicament for most men.

Yeah, there was no denying that she was eager to touch him again—to see what his body looked like when stimulated in such a way. She'd promised herself to be more prepared next time—to know better what to expect and be able to look for the signs and signals that might tell her what he was feeling and what he wanted.  
But then they would be obligated to leave her room at some point, perhaps together from time to time, and what if Alice was awake and waiting in the living room, or the kitchen? How could she look at her friend and not turn every shade of red known to man after having touched her brother so intimately? And she had touched him.  
It was a realization that actually brought another question to mind. Was the type of intimacy they'd enjoyed the night before suddenly off limits? They'd agreed to wait and slowly work towards the moment when Bella might be on the receiving end of such an experience but did that mean she would have to wait till then to know the pleasure of witnessing Edward in such a state again?

"What are the odds that Alice is home this early on a Friday afternoon?"

Edward's words had startled her slightly, having been so absorbed in her own thoughts as she was. It was just that he hadn't said anything for over an hour, the now familiar piano music that was so often playing in his car seemed to have occupied his attention until then. He'd glanced in her direction as he spoke and the little curl of his lips had indicated that he knew she'd been thoroughly lost in thought. She could only hope that he didn't see any sign as to what exactly those thoughts had consisted of. But why did that matter?

"Better than average considering." Bella had managed to respond with little enthusiasm.

"I'm sort of hoping that all the time she put into yesterday might have made her neglect some of her work so she'll have to see to it today instead. Give us at least half a second to breathe once we get back before being bombarded."

Edward had chuckled towards the end of his playful little statement, giving Bella's hand a reassuring squeeze as he did so. He didn't know what it was, but Bella had been a little overly absorbed in whatever she'd been thinking about. He'd never fault someone for analyzing what was on his or her mind, but this was Bella, and whatever she might worry about would worry him as well.

In noticing her preoccupation it was apparent that Edward had remained more conscious of the silence that had somehow surrounded them since leaving the hotel a few hours before than usual. It was probably because he wanted to talk about a lot of things but he didn't know where to start; and for whatever reason there was something in Bella's demeanor that told him now was not the right time to speak of certain subjects, so he'd decided to let the silence continue.

Confident that the right time would present itself eventually Edward took advantage of the silence so that he could better organize his thoughts. He already knew what he wanted to discuss, but he had yet to reach a solid conclusion as to what he wanted the outcome of that conversation to be, so instead of focusing on what he didn't know his spent time reviewing what he did.

Obviously he had never been able to hope for anything more than what he was willing to allow himself. And up until just two short weeks ago he'd been convinced that any form of companionship outside of his family would not be possible. He was so awkward and nervous whenever faced with the idea of communicating with others, and he was embarrassed for people to witness such a shortcoming. Over the past two weeks however he'd seen exactly what he'd been missing out on for all those years.  
Bella had shown him that.  
She had opened his eyes to a new world, full of understanding and acceptance. He didn't have to worry about whether or not he stumbled over his words with her. He didn't have to censor his thoughts or feelings and he could count on her to be there whenever he needed someone to lean on.

As one sided as his revelation may have sounded, Edward also took comfort in the fact that she seemed to need him just as much. She sought comfort in his embrace and she'd indicated on more than one occasion just how safe and protected she felt with him at her side. Additionally, the way that she would often look at him threatened to set his entire world on fire. In those moments he was powerless to deny her whatever she wished. It was frightening and pleasurable all at once to know that someone had that kind of influence over you, but that was okay because Edward finally understood that the feeling was mutual.

Unfortunately with that knowledge Edward knew that he had messed up in a big way, hence the reaction he'd had to that realization in the first place. And as it turned out it was that reaction that now fueled his newest and most desired goal. He knew that Bella looked to him as a source of comfort and protection, as someone who could understand her fear and reluctance, and he was happy to fulfill that role. But now it was quite obvious that he had failed to reassure her of the one thing he wanted to communicate most—his love and devotion.

Part of the problem, that he was now aware of, was that Edward did not necessarily see Bella as being broken or damaged. The opposite would be a far more fitting description in fact, even during those times when her emotions would flare. To him Bella was the epitome of strength and courage. She'd survived so much and even with scars that remained unhealed she'd been willing to ignore her own fears in order to help him. She never hesitated to confront his often-unreasonable issues and she never wavered in her support. She accepted that they would have setbacks and misunderstandings along the way thanks to those issues, and though it hurt to hear her acknowledge such an unpleasant future he couldn't help but admire her willingness to graciously accept it as a fact rather than just a possibility.

All of that said Edward was now reevaluating his position within this relationship. In the beginning he'd worried that he would have little to offer in the way of friendship. He found it hard to be himself around most people and he feared that his limited social skills would prove to be too much of a barrier for them to overcome. With that concern being dispelled so quickly and the level of their attraction to one another growing so rapidly he'd soon replaced that fear with another; the fear that he might find himself pushing for too much, to soon—that he would selfishly ask Bella for more than she was ready to offer.

In order to avoid such a scenario Edward had been trying to maintain a sense of caution in everything. He attempted to ignore his thoughts, he fought for control of his physical reactions and he pleaded for her understanding whenever he would experience a periodic lapse in judgment. But all of that had ended the night before. Against his better judgment he'd allowed her to touch him; he'd allowed her to feed his fantasies. He'd never known such pleasure and he'd never had the privilege of being so connected to another person, not just physically but emotionally as well. And in the end, Edward had finally recognized a moment in his existence where nothing else seemed to matter, thanks to Bella. He could force no rational thoughts to the surface, and he could no longer hide his desires. And Bella, god bless her, she'd encouraged him and praised him, and thanked him. And then, only a few short hours later he'd managed to hurt her.

Trying desperately to find a reason why he hadn't seen the potential outcome before it was upon him, he realized that he'd not allowed himself to consider before that morning what it would be like to endure any sort of rejection when it came to his feelings for Bella. They had always been on a similar, if not the same page, in terms of the want to please one another. She was always so open and accepting of him and his timid approach that he hadn't thought to prepare himself for the moment when he might make a mistake.  
He'd finally done it though, unintentional as it was; he'd upset her and made her question his attraction to her, his commitment to what they were trying to build, and he hated himself for it. What he hated even more was that his subsequent reaction had forced her to abandon her disappointment to try and save him from his own.

How pathetic. It shouldn't have been about him. He had no right to punish her in that way—being made to suffer her own self-doubt and disappointment was hard enough, she certainly didn't need to see such a blatant display of weakness from him.

They'd survived it tolerably well, but Edward couldn't seem to get his mind to move forward and, not necessarily forget about the incident, but find some means to cope with the heartache he'd been made to witness.  
He'd eventually agreed that they were okay and they didn't need to continue discussing or dwelling on the subject, but all the same he couldn't seem to let it go.

And that's when he'd finally broken the silence. It was because at that moment he'd actually managed to reach a decision he could live with—one that he really liked in fact. He was suddenly on a mission to prove his love to Bella in every way possible, since it was obvious to him now that he'd been being _too_ careful. He would have to remain cautious and patient, given the recent reminder of just how fragile Bella's heart could be at times, but he was no longer willing to withhold his desires. Bella would need to know his intentions of course, but it was only after he'd spoken that he'd recognized her preoccupation and determined that it wasn't the right time.

And so the silence had resumed.

It didn't end again until they'd finally reached the house, which had thankfully been uninhabited at the time. It was when Bella offered to make their nightly cup of tea a little earlier than usual. Edward had only nodded his consent before he turned to go retrieve the rest of their things from the car, but he knew that it would provide an excellent opportunity to discuss his latest decision and he was determined to see it through.

Fortunately it wasn't long before they'd reconvened in the living room, but even though they both had a lot on their minds the silence remained persistent. Despite being a willing participant up to that point, this lingering silence reminded Edward of another time when he and Bella had fallen into an ill-advised moment of avoidance, and as it turned out that was more than enough to make him finally speak.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" he'd simply asked at first. There were too many things he needed to say so he figured that starting with the most pressing matter was the best way to begin. He was still searching for the confidence he would need in order to have this conversation despite his resolve, so his voice had taken on the qualities of the shy, uncertain man that Bella's heart continually longed for.

"I'd like that."

Edward exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in and took a moment to really look at her for the first time in a while, after having heard her acceptance. Her eyes were soft, but pleading and his heart kicked him in the ribs, as if to say, '_It's time_.'

Whether it was time or not, his fingers had somehow become tangled up in the hem of his t-shirt as he took a second composing his words. It was quite obvious that it didn't matter how long he'd been thinking up the best way to approach this subject, his nerves would always seek to control his actions. Bella was patient as ever though, confident that he could find a way to say what he needed to.

"We should…umm…I wanted to…umm, well," he closed his eyes and took a breath.

There was another long pause that followed as he looked for a better way to convey his feelings.

"I'm no good at this. That's always been sort of obvious. You're the only person I can really talk to, but when I get nervous I can't even manage that."

Bella reached out and took hold of his hand, lending her support as always. She knew that whatever he had to say would surface eventually and she had no place she'd rather be than right there beside him. What bothered her though was the short, humorless grunt of laughter he'd followed his statement with. His nerves were never necessary where Bella was concerned but she didn't need to tell him that. And although he still struggled to communicate at times she knew that he was far more capable than he was generally willing to believe—a point that would be proven only moments later.

"The thing is, I feel like I've been lying to myself. And because of that I feel like I've been lying to you as well." He'd turned his hand so that he was holding onto hers, instead of the other way around, and he now held her gaze with similar tenderness as he continued to speak. "It's just that I've been playing it safe for so long that I don't really know any other way of operating, and with you I use to feel like that was a good thing." Edward paused again to judge whether or not Bella was able to follow the path of his shaky rambling. Brilliant as she was, of course she was right there with him, gentle smile and all as her thumb traced a soothing pattern across the inside of his hand. Edward appreciated her efforts to calm him but he finally had to look away when it became time to say what was really on his mind.

"This morning wasn't exactly the way I wanted our date to end. It didn't seem like a good idea to dwell on what had happened at the time so I let it go in favor of something else—something to look forward to instead. But I can't really let it go, Baby. I need you to understand my true feelings."

Bella waited. She wondered and she worried. She wanted to know what had Edward struggling so. Was he about to confess something she didn't want to hear?

"I think about you every second of everyday, Bella. Every time I'm near you all I want to do is reach out and touch you, hold you. And it's always been that way. I want you, Baby—all the time. You're constantly in my thoughts and dreams..." Edward had closed his eyes by this time and his forehead was now resting in the palm of his free hand, his elbow propped up against his knee. "I…" another deep breath, "Bella, I…fantasize about you...frequently."

It was obvious that he couldn't say anything more for the moment so Bella took advantage of the break and carefully repositioned him before placing herself upon his lap.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Sweetheart. It doesn't frighten me to know how you feel." She'd whispered once they were settled.

"Last night when I said that I was scared…I was being a little more honest than I'd intended." Edward rested his head against Bella's shoulder and closed his eyes once again. "I'm terrified of letting you see just how out of control I am when it comes to you."

She thought to interrupt him there and reassure him that he wasn't in this alone, but he'd finally found his voice and he was apparently ready to talk.

"I'm tired of pretending, Baby and I'm tired of holding back. This morning I finally realized that by denying the strength of my needs and desires I somehow made you doubt how very much in love I am. And I know that you feel like you overreacted, but from my side of things I feel like I failed you in some way. I'm shit at communicating with words, we both know it, but you've taught me that I don't always have to speak in order to be understood."

Bella was smiling as she caught on to where Edward was going with this explanation. And when he saw that she was with him it gave him the extra boost of confidence he'd needed to propose this new undertaking.

"I can say the words all day long. I can tell you that I want you and need you…that I'm in love with you, but if I were to _show_ you what it is that I really mean I doubt that either one of us could ever be confused by my intentions."

He was sure to promise that their original plan would remain intact and that he wouldn't be pushing for more until they were both ready, but he wanted Bella to know that he was no longer going to deny either one of them the pleasure of expressing their love in a more physical way—whatever that might consist of.

"I think it might be time for you to let your sister have her room back." Bella had concluded after a basic agreement had been reached.

She absolutely loved that Edward was willing to talk his way through what he'd considered a problem for both of them. If it was on his mind and troubling him, he needed to talk about it; plus she'd been able to take his line of thinking and address the concerns and wants that had been trapped inside her head all afternoon as well. It turned into a win-win situation all the way around, and given their mutual desire to stop holding back so much Bella felt it was time to suggest they revamp their current living arrangement.

"I enjoyed falling asleep and waking up next to you just a little too much. It's probably a selfish offer on my part, but if you'd like to stay with me it would make sense that Alice could go ahead and move back upstairs."

"Well if you're offering I'm going to selfishly accept." He'd chuckled, holding her just a bit tighter as he did so.

Some of their fatigue was forgotten as they hammered out some other details, such as what to tell Alice, which of course lead to the phone call and dinner invitation. And as they snuggled together in Bella's bed a few hours later, drifting off to sleep they had to agree that something about this felt very right.

"How much you wanna bet everyone shows up early?" Bella speculated as Edward was pulling the marinated lamb from the refrigerator, some six hours later.

"I'll horde that chocolate melting cake all for myself if they try and make this uncomfortable for either of us. I swear it."

"Oh please the only one that would be pissed off about that is the Old Dude and he's on our side ninety percent of the time anyway." Bella started to chuckle.

"One hundred percent. Thank you very much." The old dude in question interjected right on cue, strolling into the kitchen with two bottles of wine in hand.

"Ninety-five." Bella bartered, "Edward tells me _everything_." She added when Carlisle seemed ready to protest.

"Fair enough." He conceded, but still begged his usual hug, which she granted along with a kiss to his cheek as thanks for the wine.

"I'm sort of surprised. We were just trying to figure out who was gonna get here first and how early. My money was head towards Alice for sure." Edward informed his father about the time his mother managed to join everyone, carrying in an impressive stack of papers.

"Well, we wanted to give you two some news before everyone else arrived, since you should be the first to know." Esme grinned.

Bella's mouth had already dropped open and Edward stood frozen, the only thing that seemed to be willing to move was his heart, which was looking to break its personal best for beats in a minute.

"We got it?" he choked on the question though there was no doubt in his mind that they had. No one need to say anything, no one need to spell it out.

Carlisle couldn't manage a smile any brighter and Esme couldn't find the words to confirm his suspicion, having to settle for an affirmative nod of her head in the end. She and Carlisle had already celebrated the news earlier in the day and repeatedly upon realizing that their boy was truly going to be moving back home, but seeing the look that had passed between her son and Bella upon receiving that confirmation was so much sweeter.

There were hugs and kisses exchanged and Esme graciously accepted the scolding that Bella felt obligated to lay on her for withholding this information, since it was now obvious that they had known all along and that the ploy to get Edward over to their house earlier in the day to finalize a contract was never really necessary, just a convenient way to give him the news in person should he have gone.

When all was said and done Edward excused himself from the kitchen, promising to return in just a moment so that he could help with the remaining dinner preparations before everyone else arrived.

"Go ahead, we're in no hurry." Carlisle suggested just moments later when Bella's attention managed to stray for the hundredth time in just the past two minutes.

She blushed furiously but nodded her thanks and ducked out of the kitchen as well.

She didn't have to go far to find him as he was sitting in her favorite chair both of his hands rubbing at his face. He'd only needed a moment to himself to process everything and calm his emotions and Bella knew it. She also knew that he would appreciate her willingness to be there for him if he should need her.

She let her hand settle on the top of his head and she smoothed down his hair a few times before placing a kiss against his forehead.

"This is really going to happen." She smiled.

"A little sooner than I had expected." He agreed with his own smile, all be it a nervous one. "I mean it's sort of overwhelming, but in a good way I think. I can hardly describe how happy I am right now."

"I know what you mean."

"Do you?" Edward had to question.

She didn't have to think too hard about what his intentions were when she found herself being pulled onto his lap, his arms coming around to hold her. The look in his eyes was one that she'd become intimately aware of since the little conversation they'd had in this very room the evening prior.

"Show me, Sweetheart." She whispered as his lips had begun to do just that.

It wasn't any wonder that they had forgotten about his parents sitting in the very next room, or that there was meal to be finished and subsequently served to his family. For all of the attention they had left to spare an airplane could have come crashing through the front door and it would be unlikely that either of them would think to budge an inch.

Alice on the other hand was not something to be ignored even under the best of circumstances.

Tangled together as they were it took a moment, even when the initial squeals of delight had penetrated their little bubble of happiness, for them to finally come up for air. They were embarrassed of course, but beyond the uncontrollable blushing and the awkward process of making eye contact with the others for the first time, they were surprisingly okay with the fact that their intimately affectionate exchange had been made public. It was only Alice after all...and Jasper of course.

"Alice," her mother called from the other room almost immediately upon hearing her arrival and Jasper's not so subtle 'I told you so.'  
"Give your brother a break tonight, he just found out he's actually buying a house."

"Congratulations man." Jasper offered as everyone else began to giggle at the spontaneous happy dance that Alice had now commited to performing.

"So can we head back to Seattle as soon as they leave?" Bella playfully requested once everyone's attention was finally wandering elsewhere, hungry stomachs and the smell of chocolate cake making the focus shift back towards the kitchen and finishing the dinner plans for now.

"I was actually thinking more along the lines of Maybell, Colorado." Edward suggested with a meaningful wink.

"I'm ready when you are."  
She never hesitated to accept the challenge and he had to admire her courage yet again. The next few weeks were shaping up to be a whole new set of experiences for them both but Edward was comforted by Bella's confidence; if she was certain that they were ready then proving just how much he adored her would be his pleasure.


	38. Chapter 38

A/N: It's kind of funny how I don't even go looking for these things, but they just sort of fall into my lap when I least expect it; I got our next musical moment for E & B off the radio, while I was on my way home from work the other day and had me another "Whoa, isn't that perfect!" moment, LOL. (link to the song is posted on my profile ;))  
And I haven't forgotten about dinner with the Cullen's I'll get to some of those happenings in the next one.

Chapter 38

Bella shuffled around some of the papers that were spread out across the foot of her bed and pulled her glasses off, attempting to rub some of the fatigue away from her eyes. It had been another long day and it would seem as though her early morning was starting to catch up to her finally—or perhaps it was just the rhythmic clicking of her computer's keyboard as it submitted to Edward's ridiculously skilled fingers that was lulling her into such a state of calm.

No wonder he was such an accomplished pianist, Bella had thought shortly after he'd asked permission to use her desktop, so that he might check his email, while she busied herself finishing up another chapter from her latest assignment. He could actually make the sound of typing seem enjoyable. She'd even joking thought to ask how many words per minute he could type when she'd first noticed how quickly he was tapping out whatever he sought to compose, but he'd only been able to shrug and tell her that he'd never bothered to check. That didn't surprise her in the least, knowing that Edward wasn't the kind of person to boast such an ability—or any ability for that matter, so of course he wouldn't care to know a number.

In the end she'd just chuckled a bit and went back to her reading, but she still found herself enjoying the mundane sound of him working on the computer as she read. It was somewhat domestic for them to both be spending an evening at home in comfortable silence, each working independently, and yet together. And the break from her reading gave her a nice opportunity to dwell on just how easy and routine a full day at home with Edward had finally become.

This morning was much like the others she'd experienced as of late, but when she'd awakened Bella had found that Edward had been the first to rouse today. As mildly disappointing as it was to learn that she wouldn't get to repeat the blissful start she'd been treated to the last couple of mornings, watching Edward as he slept, she couldn't really complain after seeing his intense, yet tender gaze waiting to greeted her.

Once her eyes had managed to focus Edward finally blinked a few times and lowered his attention. She'd been wearing another one of his shirts to sleep in; this time it was one of the tattered and worn flannels he'd packed along from home, and for some reason Edward found the sight of her in his old, faded shirt even more beautiful than the pristine one she'd borrowed that night in Seattle. He knew why of course—it was because this shirt was _really_ his. This was the type of thing his usual wardrobe consisted of, what he would pick out for himself, and something that he had and worn hundreds of times in the past. She looked amazing and he loved that she had chosen this one; of all the shirts in his possession, thanks to Alice, she'd wanted to wear his favorite. It seemed symbolic of her acceptance, but more than that it was an enormous turn on.

"You have no idea how hard it was for me to get to sleep last night with you lying there, wearing this shirt of mine." He'd informed her by way of an actual greeting.

His fingers had begun to lightly travel along the collar and down to the second button, which she had left unfastened. It wasn't his normal nervous fidgeting, but the movement had seemed to calm him all the same.

"Would it be better if I took it off?" Bella innocently responded—her voice soft and tentative, making it seem as though she had missed the flirtatious implications of her reply and apparently the true meaning behind his statement as well. And who could blame her, having just awakened, but Edward's next words along with some intense blushing would give it away soon enough.

"No…and yes."

The second part of his answer had been rather hesitant and his tone was extremely shy—his expression being that of his ordinarily bashful self. It was that look he'd given her so many times in the past that indicated his uncertainty, but that was where the similarities had ended. Before Bella could reassure him that his desires were okay and in fact welcome, he had embraced her fully, his lips attempting to tell her what it was he'd really meant.

It was a heated kiss, their bodies arching towards one another, hands beginning to roam. And it persisted until Bella felt Edward's fingers wander up underneath the material of this shirt in question—lightly exploring her delicate skin and the contour of her ribs. It was then that she'd finally pulled away from his lips, moaning his name. There was undeniable want and passion in her tone as Edward immediately redirected his attention to the pale bit of skin exposed by her open collar; and as he lingered there it had finally became her turn to growl with need. His hands started to grip her side, pulling her closer and she felt his lips smiling against her, his erection rubbing along the outside of her right thigh as he'd carefully repositioned them. And she could feel his thumb now, gently tracing the underside of her left breast, patiently waiting for her to acclimate, or perhaps grant some form of permission before going any further.

There hadn't been any frank discussion about how far they might delve into this newfound level of comfort and intimacy, leading up to the moment when he might be able to make good on his promise, but there seemed to be a silent understanding that they wouldn't abstain from anything they'd already proven themselves capable of. And if they could gradually explore other activities that would ultimately make their first attempt at mutual gratification any easier then naturally they were all for trying.

So as Bella had wished and hoped for Edward's courage to remain intact he'd managed to adjust his position once again, now holding his weight off of her with one arm while he slowly retracted his other hand. To sooth any disappointment he'd reached out to gently caress the side of her face.  
"So beautiful," he sighed, letting his fingertips trail over her lower lip and down to her neck, "my Bella."

His fingers didn't stop until they'd managed locate that second button once again; he lingered there for a moment concentrating on the small plastic disk before moving down to the next and Bella had silently granted permission by covering his hand with her own, giving it a gentle squeeze of encouragement. It had become obvious that he was trembling at that point, but Bella was still hoping that they could accomplish this.

"Please, Sweetheart. It's okay…I want this." She'd added when he continued to hesitate.

Unfortunately she didn't seem to hear it but Edward certainly had. The breathy sound of her voice and the way her words were whispered with such desire had finally pushed his rapidly building need past the point of no return. With a muffled groan, as he abruptly buried his face in the pillow next to her, Edward's body shuddered in its release.

His hand had become fisted in the front of her shirt and his body lay heavily beside her, a garbled string of profanities escaping him.

Bella didn't have to think too hard to know what had happened as she felt Edward awkwardly trying to inch away from her, his face still hidden in her pillow.

"Hey." Bella had gently prodded as she rolled to her side caressing his back with a soothing touch. She felt him take a deep breath but he'd refused to acknowledge her beyond that in his embarrassment.

They laid there beside one another for a moment more before Bella kissed his shoulder and threaded her fingers into his hair the way that she knew he enjoyed.

"Sweetheart, I don't think that you understand just how reassuring it is for me—knowing that you might lose control like that over just the thought of...well, its kind of flattering in a way."

Edward had slowly turned his head towards her and it broke her heart to see that a handful of tears that had leaked from the corners of his eyes.

"I feel so weak." He'd protested quietly, "How am I ever going to be enough if…if I can't even make it long enough to…you know…touch you properly?"

"Baby steps. We've only just started to put any of these ideas into practice." Bella gently, yet confidently informed him. She then kissed him once more and rolled out of bed. She grabbed up the old pair of sweatpants she'd kicked under the edge of her bed several nights ago and slipped them on.

"I'm off to get the coffee started; you go ahead and take the shower first and maybe see about getting a load of laundry underway." She winked.

It wasn't as though she had no disappointment over how things had gone, but she would always seek to comfort and reassure Edward above all else—no hesitation permitted. And besides, she'd been telling him nothing short of the truth. The fact that he would become so aroused and ultimately lose control under such circumstances thrilled her on some level, seeing as it spoke volumes as to just how thoroughly attracted to her he really was. He was inexperienced after all, just the same as she was, so every moment they spent trying was still a step in the right direction as far as she was concerned.

When she'd returned to her room just a short while later Edward had seemingly pulled himself together, now fresh from the shower and busy removing the bed linens.

"This I could get use to." She'd teased him, while handing over a cup of hot, black coffee, but Edward kept his focus on the cup he'd been given until Bella wrapped her arms about his waist and jostled him slightly.

"Cheer up grumpy pants, we've got a bunch of work to do this week and I need my boyfriend to smile at me and tell me that we're worth it."

Edward's lips betrayed his sullen mood by submitting to her request before he could think twice.

"You're really okay with…well, with me?" Edward asked.

"More than okay, Sweetheart." She smiled back at him tilting her head to the side slightly. "Maybe I should show you?" it was decided after a brief consideration.

Bella had been feeling playful and energetic this morning, with all of the wonderful news they'd been given the night before fueling her enthusiasm; so she'd proceeded to take Edward's coffee mug and set it aside on the nightstand next to the one that she'd carried down for herself. As soon as it was safe she'd managed to tackle him, the both of them falling in a heap onto the partially stripped bed. Almost instantly they were caught up in a fit of giggles as Bella, managing to straddle his midsection, began to tickle and kiss him all at once.

"Oh for Christmas sake!" they'd overheard Alice snicker just a moment later.

"Out Alice!" Bella laughed. "My room is off limits until otherwise notified."

"Actually that's what I wanted to talk about" Alice had casually informed the tangle of bodies still fighting for position as she calmly leaned against the doorframe, undeterred by their activity.

"Ally, if you're gonna stand there you could at least help!" Edward finally insisted between little bursts of laughter, caused by Bella's sneaky little fingers having located a particularly sensitive spot.

"Sorry, Bubby—not gonna happen; but when you two get whatever this is out of your system, just know that I'm making breakfast this morning."

She decided to give them some privacy in the end, after waving around the little card she'd brought down as an invitation, to let them know it was there. She'd planned to leave it wedged in the door, not wanting to disturb them should they have decided to sleep in, but the door had been open and she couldn't help but comment on the state they were in once she'd seen it—cause let's face it, they were adorable together.

Moments later, with their audience no longer present, a rather long make out session had ensued; Edward having finally gained the upper hand, pinning Bella beneath him.

"I like feisty Bella." He'd chuckled when she'd tried to buck her hips in an effort to reclaim her earlier position.

And that was all it took. Her lips had eagerly accepted his as they descended and soon they were both a writhing mess of limbs, no longer concerned with playful teasing and touching, but looking to accomplish something altogether different.

"Fuck Edward," Bella had moaned eventually, "we have to stop."

If her use of such language wasn't enough to make him pause her tone had certainty done it, and in the very same breath he'd pulled away, swallowing thickly and looking for whatever it was he might have done wrong.

"The door's still open and I'm…I…shit…" She closed her eyes and took a breath, "If we don't stop now, I'm not going to let you."  
Her confession sobered him and relieved him all at once. He hadn't necessarily done something wrong, in fact he'd apparently been doing whatever a little _too_ right. He sympathetically kissed her forehead to convey his understanding and offered to help her sit up beside him.

They were quiet for a bit, catching their breath and gathering emotions.

With a shy smile Edward reached for their coffees and passed Bella's cup over to her.

"Hey…Happy Anniversary." He grinned, tapping her mug with his own in a little toast.

"Here's to false starts and abrupt endings; may we finally figure this shit out one day." Bella added with a rather blissful smile gracing her lips.

With a laugh and another gentle kiss they'd decided that it was time to escape the confines of this room for a while. Neither one said it exactly, but if they were to stay as they were they'd most likely be doomed to repeat the same cycle of events over and over, until they both went crazy—or possibly found themselves possessing a significant lack of virginity.

On his way out the door Edward paused and picked up the envelope that Alice had left behind. He opened it since it was bearing his name, along with Bella's, and began to chuckle.

"I'm not sure whether this is a summons or an invitation exactly." Edward concluded, handing over the card for Bella's inspection.

_To: Bella Swan and Edward Cullen_

_Your presence is requested at a breakfast to be served this fine and glorious morning at 10:30 a.m.  
__Following the meal there will be a household meeting during which your attendance is required._

_Most sincerely,  
_Alice

"Oh lord." Bella had sighed having heard Edward's dictation of Alice's note. She'd been on the receiving end of such a message a time or two before and she could only imagine what her friend had in mind this time.

The night before, with all of the excitement created by the announcement that Esme's real estate genius had been successful once again, the quiet side-conversation that Bella had managed to sneak in with Alice, after dinner was finished, seemed to have gotten lost in the shuffle. She'd made a point of mentioning the decision that she and Edward had already agreed to as soon as she'd had a private moment with her friend and Alice had of course squealed with delight, running off to tell Jasper that she'd be needing him to help move her things out of the apartment first thing in the morning. But that had been the extent of it. There were no questions, no stipulations and no measures taken to insure that the, now three, housemates could co-exist comfortably without complication.

"So I figure we need to lay a few ground rules," Alice had begun her meeting as soon as Jasper had returned from the kitchen with more coffee for everyone else and yet another mimosa for himself, courtesy of the leftover champagne that had been unearthed the night before, during the family's unexpected celebration.  
"With the three of us living here full time for now, and Jasper staying over more often than not I don't want anyone to feel like this has to be an awkward experience."

Bella could tell that Edward was feeling a need to protest, but it became clear that this wasn't just about him as Alice continued to speak.

"I absolutely love that you two are together—you both know that. But it's still a little weird at times, if you know what I mean. And although Bella's pretty use to how me and Jazz are, I know that it's strange for you to _really_ know that your little sis has a boyfriend…" Alice smiled with more sympathy than Edward had seen from her in a while and he couldn't help but agree that this might be for everyone's benefit and not just his own. Especially when she went on to confess, "I've never wanted to censor myself for the sake of others, but it's also never been my intention to make either of you uncomfortable or embarrassed by my exuberant way of approving; so until I can get that under control it might be best if I don't have any fuel for the fire so to speak."

There were shy smiles exchanged all around.

"With that being said I propose that we all keep any sort of affection that takes place within a common area of the house somewhere south of PG-13."

"Agreed." Everyone managed to respond in unison.

Alice seemed satisfied but Bella knew how these things worked and raised her hand before they could be dismissed.

"Yes, Bella?" Alice had politely acknowledged much like a teacher might.

"We should also insist that a closed door be respected, for the sake of privacy." She'd simply stated.

She'd been thinking about how uncomfortable the earlier moment might have been had Alice shown up any earlier, or later, to witness she and Edward's morning activities. If she could solidify the rule that a closed door must be respected, then perhaps later she and Edward might feel a bit more secure within the confines of her room, as they continued working towards their goals.

"I figured you'd be sleeping in on a Sunday." Alice's explanation was a rather sheepish undertaking for someone like herself, not even bothering to point out that the door in question was actually open when she'd gone down to leave her note.

"Told you so," Jasper casually interjected in a rather amusing little singsong voice, as he knocked back that last of his drink.

This time Edward was blushing and beginning to squirm about uncomfortably, while Bella glared at Jasper challenging him to elaborate.

To diffuse the situation Alice had called an end to the meeting and forcibly removed Jasper from the living room, dictating that he was now going to be on clean up duty for the next several days.

"Will you be able to amuse yourself for about an hour?" Bella had asked once they were alone again.

He'd just raised an eyebrow encouraging her to tell him why. As it turned out Bella was hoping to go into work since it was Sunday. As the office would be pretty well deserted, she felt sure that she could turn in the assignment she'd already completed earlier in the week, check her work mail and pick up any new manuscripts on her agenda without having to mill about and chat with annoying coworkers, as she would likely have to if she were to wait until the next day.  
Edward was all in favor, knowing that her real initiative was to find out how busy she might be over the next few weeks as they had already discussed. If she could insure that her schedule would remain relatively flexible they could go ahead and firm up their tentative plans for traveling to Colorado together, sooner rather than later.

"Do whatever you need to, love. Mom wanted me to call her this morning for lord knows what, and I've still got some laundry to attend to anyway." He'd grinned.

After a shower and a quick kiss goodbye Bella had made quite an efficient trip out of her journey into the office, returning as planned in less than an hour. When she got back to the house she found that Jasper had now been recruited into laundry service as well, trucking load after load of Alice's washing downstairs to wait in line for the machine.

"Ooooh, somebody's in trouble." Bella had taunted when she noticed the way that Jasper was hanging his head. It wasn't often that Jasper and Alice had a disagreement and usually it was Jasper having to scold Alice for some unthinking or overly hyper moment where her better judgment had gotten away from her, not the other way around.

"Hey Bells," he'd pouted a little, flopping down onto the sofa to take a break. "I didn't mean nothin' by what I said to Alice, you know." He'd tried to apologize in a roundabout way.

Bella forgave him immediately but assured him that her tolerance was contingent upon him going out to her truck to haul in her next week's worth of work. She didn't have it in her to remain upset with Jasper even on her worst day. He was far too kind and understanding to think that he'd really meant anything negative by his playful little statement. The only reason she'd thought to be annoyed by his innuendo in the first place was because it had the potential to unnerve Edward.

"What do I look like, a pack mule or something?" he'd chuckled, accepting a hug before he went to do her bidding.

"Aren't mules castrated?" Alice had to wonder as she'd bounced down the stairs, overhearing the question. "That is an unacceptable classification if so."

"Mules are sterile because of their genetic makeup, so they aren't normally castrated. No point." Edward had helpfully supplied as he came in from the kitchen with a notebook in his hand and a pen tucked behind his ear. He'd made his way directly to Bella, wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her forehead.

"We'll just label you a _jackass_ in that case. You get to keep your balls for now and still be a helpful little beast of burden." Alice had concluded, making everyone, including Edward, laugh.

Strange as it was to see Alice and Jasper have any sort of spat Bella made a point of keeping she and Edward out of harms way for the rest of the afternoon. It might have been more amusing to watch had it not been their relationship that had somehow been responsible for the punishment Jasper was being made to suffer in the first place. And though it was endearing to know that Alice was willing to defend them to such a degree it was still uncomfortable to know that they had inadvertently caused the ordinarily blissful couple to feel any amount of tension. The only redeeming feature, which Bella was well aware of but reluctant to share with Edward, was that her dear friend and Jasper would likely sort it all out with a nice bout of make up sex before the day was done. Bella may be the innocent, virginal type but Alice had never been willing to deprive her of the usual girl talk that went along with being a best friend.

Thankfully there had been no need to discuss the other couple and their woes, since Edward and Bella had plenty of other things to talk about.

"So I was talking to Mom earlier and it looks like I can take possession of the house by the latter part of next week. That'll give the attorney time to draw up all of the paperwork and stuff." Edward informed Bella as they'd sat in the living room going over his list of things he wanted to accomplish over the next several days.

"Are you still going to transfer power of attorney to your dad so that he can sign for you?" Bella inquired.

It had been a part of the necessary discussion last night after all of the initial excitement had died down. Bella could tell that Edward was torn between what he wanted to do and what he felt capable of in this instance. He'd accomplished a lot as of late, but he was still struggling to change his overall outlook. If he could avoid any unnecessary interaction with people he was still prone to taking that route. In this situation however he couldn't actually see the interaction as being unnecessary. He wanted to buy the house and if he had to meet with a lawyer in order to sign some paperwork then that was what he would ultimately have to do.

"I'm undecided. My instinct says take the easy option and let Dad handle it, but this is something I really want so I _should_ be able to talk myself into it."

Bella had simply nodded her understanding and went on to ask about his other plans leading up to the closing date. There was a short list of items he wished to buy for the new house and another list of those things he'd already decided he'd be moving from the cabin.

"I asked Mom about building a little terrace onto the back of the house as well." He'd grinned a short time later.

"Bet she about flipped with excitement." Bella smiled a very genuine smile, knowing just how wonderful it must be for Esme to finally feel like she and her son were able to connect on such a level.

"That's putting it mildly." Edward had agreed. He also went on to say that she'd recommended he talk with Jasper about options, since the A-frame design of his house could pose a few unique challenges, architecturally speaking.

After the basics were covered Bella went on to tell Edward that she was officially his for the next two weeks.

"I'll need to drop off anything I can accomplish between now and whenever we need to leave for Colorado; but I've got enough to keep me busy for the next couple of weeks, which means I won't pick up any new assignments until I finish what I currently have." She'd explained.

It wasn't possible for Edward to smile any brighter having heard the good news. Her job was such that he hadn't really needed to worry that she couldn't manage the time away, but he wasn't use to wanting something so badly. His disappointment should it not work out in the end would be unbearable and he knew it.

Which brought him to the next item on his agenda.

"I was wondering if you'd given any thought to if or when you might like to meet with Dr. Montgomery again."

Whereas most of the conversation had been relaxed to this point, Bella could sense Edward's demeanor changing with this change of subject. There was definitely an unspoken request lingering within his inquiry and Bella found that she was rather proud of him for wanting to speak with the doctor again so soon.

"I was going to call her sometime this week, but if you'd like to speak with her as well I could ask for a time when we could actually meet with her." She'd offered.

Edward spent a moment in thought and Bella had waited patiently for him to say what was on his mind. She'd never expected to hear what he'd had to say though.

"Could we actually go to Forks this time?" he'd eventually asked.

It didn't make much sense aside from him perhaps wanting to see the little town she'd called home for most of her teenaged years again.

"I'd like to…umm…if it's okay with you I mean, I was hoping that while we're there I could maybe…I don't know…meet your dad?"

"You want to meet Charlie?"

Bella couldn't control her reaction. She'd just never expected that Edward would volunteer for such a thing, and so soon. As of this morning they'd only known each other for a grand total of two weeks after all.

"Yeah." Edward's voice was strained and uncertain as he confirmed her abrupt question.

It was enough to get her to snap out of her little fog and remember that she shouldn't allow Edward to feel as though he couldn't speak his mind or ask for what he wanted.

"I don't know what to say. I've never brought a boy home to meet my dad before." She was blushing with a cute little grin trying to fight past the fact that she was biting into her lower lip.

"I know that I got off easy since you already knew my family, but Baby I love you and I know that your dad is important to you. I don't want to disrespect him by continuing to be a part of your life in the way that I want to without at least having the decency to meet the man." He'd explained.

There wasn't much left to say after that since Bella had seen the need to thank Edward for being so sweet and considerate. It had started with a kiss and ended with a large serving of leftover cake from the night before and a tall glass of milk.

After discovering that Alice and Jasper had taken off to go and clean up the apartment and move the last of Alice's belongings back into the house, while in the kitchen, Bella had informed Edward that she wanted to read for a while and he'd happily agreed to join her. He'd helped to separate the chapters as she normally like to do and set up her little reading corner in the living room, before making himself comfortable on the sofa. He'd remained focused on the ball game he'd found on the TV for the most part, leaving the sound muted the way he liked it, but also so that it wouldn't disturb Bella's concentration, but he found himself watching her from time to time instead.

She'd seemed to be enjoying whatever she was reading this time and it made him smile whenever he saw her face contort with some new or amused expression. He found it fascinating to watch her work so diligently but with such ease. He was practically in a Bella-induced trance by the time his sister and Jasper had arrived back at the house with a boatload of stuff to be carried in.  
He'd offered to help, but apparently Jasper was still on Alice's shit list for now, so he'd been dismissed. Without a purpose and Bella being unable to continue with all of the commotion, Edward had suggested they move themselves and her work downstairs.

Which brings us back to the present moment.

Yes, it had been a good day by Bella's estimation. A lot had been accomplished and things seemed to be moving along nicely in the right direction. With any luck, a few short weeks from now Edward would have a permanent residence just a few miles away and they would be far more comfortable with every aspect of this relationship.

As she continued to lie there daydreaming it became obvious that her movement had apparently gained Edward's attention, because she soon felt the edge of her bed sink under his weight and his gentle touch upon her shoulders.

"Why don't you take a break, love?" He quietly recommended, his hands carefully kneading some of the tension away from her muscles.

It was a wise suggestion considering that she'd been at it for several hours by now with little more than the short break it had taken to move their location.

"Are you finished with what you needed to do?" she asked trying desperately to keep the moan of pleasure that was fighting its way to surface at bay. As luck would have it a rather impressive yawn decided to override any other reaction she might have succumbed to.

"I can be." He whispered, his hands working their way down her back, his head bending forward to speak softly next to her ear. He was so close now that she could feel his body shaking with humor, having witnessed her sleepy little display.

She started to protest that he shouldn't make fun, and that she hadn't wanted to interrupt whatever he'd been working on, but his hands were heavenly and his proximity was more than welcome.  
Bella carefully turned to look at him and smiled her thanks for his thoughtful gesture.

"If you don't stop that, I'm going to fall asleep on you."

Edward said nothing in return; instead he stood and offered her a hand up from where she'd been laying across the bed with her reading.

"Maybe you should move around a bit in that case." He playfully suggested pulling her body up against him, his hands immediately resting upon the upper curve of her bottom.

"How do you suppose I move around if you are holding on to me so tightly?" Bella responded in a bit of a fog, her head spinning from the combination of movement and the look in his eyes as he gazed down at her so lovingly.

"Dance with me." He whispered, tucking his head so that he spoke softly right next to her ear once again.

"I…uhh…" Bella was dumbfounded for a second as she recalled what Alice had told her once upon a time. Edward knew how to dance, apparently quite well. But that didn't necessarily mean that he could make her capable with little more than his personal knowledge of such things. And little did she know that Edward had not only been checking his email, but he was also working on his list for Dr. Montgomery, with very specific attention to certain suggestions she'd made during their first encounter.

Edward had wanted to know what he might do to make Bella feel as comfortable as possible with him and her doctor had suggested many of the same things she would later share Bella. The one thing that stood out most for him was that being intimate with each other did not necessarily have to come by way of a _traditionally_ sexual experience.

"I can't…I don't know how." She'd qualified the statement not wanting him to think that she didn't want to.

"Well, it's a good thing that I do." He gave her his crooked little grin, reaching over to hit a key on her computer and active the song that he'd stumbled upon during a quick perusal of his favorite music site just moments before.

She didn't have time to protest further as he once again pulled her in close and began to sway in time with the tune, his hips and hands helping to guide her along with him.

"Seems sort of appropriate, huh?" he chuckled, when she obviously recognized the song and stared up at him with a sense of wonder and amusement.  
He kissed her gently before she could say anything though, and taking advantage of her distraction he changed direction and turned them, keeping up with the tempo and cadence of the music. When he released her lips and took hold of her hands from around his neck she began to giggle, his movements making her spin away from him. Before she could feel awkward or off balance he'd drawn her into him once more and now standing behind her he kept hold of one hand while his other arm wrapped securely about her waist. His hips continued to move against her and his lips had now located the side of her neck. Thrilled and aroused as she'd become it wasn't long before a moan of pleasure and his name finally escaped her; it was only seconds after she'd heard him start to hum along with this song that she'd now determined had been written specially for them.

"Do you feel it, Baby?" he'd groaned turning her once again, bringing her in close, his body bending to accommodate her. "We fit together like we were made to do this; it's so easy to move with you."

Her cheeks were flushed with color and her eyes were glowing as she looked at him with such adoration, nodding in agreement.

The song was fading into its final notes as Edward slowed their movement and let his hands come up to cradle Bella's face. They stood slowly swaying and staring at one another for a beat, before Edward lowered his head and let his lips brush lightly over her mouth.

"What are your plans for the next day and a half?" Edward asked quietly, while still toying with the idea of a proper kiss, throwing Bella off guard with the seeming randomness of his question.

She just shook her head unsure of how else to answer.

"Do you trust me?" he asked next.

"Of course I do." She promised this time.

"I have an idea for our next date if you'd be willing." He informed her, finally claiming her lips.

"You're not taking me dancing." She insisted when he'd decided to release her.

"Not exactly." He hedged.

"Edward, dancing in my bedroom is one thing, but I'm really…"

"I want to take you back to our meadow, Bella." He decided to explain.  
Bella wasn't all about the surprises even though she was getting better about certain things, so he wasn't going to keep the truth from her anyway. Especially considering he'd have to ask if she was okay staying the night out of doors before he went on to plan anything more specific.  
He really didn't have to worry about anything more once her face splitting smile had appeared.

"Really?"

"The weather's suppose to be warmer this week and I've always hoped that we'd find a chance to go camping before we make our way to Colorado. I…well, it takes more than a day to drive there under most circumstances and we can stay in a hotel again if you prefer, but when I normally make the trip I can't…or I guess I just don't…"

"We're going camping!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a great squeeze in her excitement. "I can't wait!"

"But why the trip to the meadow first? Are you worried that I won't be able to handle it?" she asked after a few more celebratory seconds.

"Not anymore," he laughed, seeing how foolish his concerns had turned out to be. She was way more into this than he'd initially anticipated, but she would have been right had he asked her at any time prior to the dance they'd shared just moments ago. If he were to be honest, he'd have to admit that there was a far more selfish motivation at work all of a sudden.

Clearing his throat, he told her that he wanted some time _alone_ with her, but that he wasn't prepared to try for a repeat of their first date just yet.

"I realized while I was working on my journal earlier that if I'm going to really learn how to get better at doing stuff for myself I'm going to have to work slower and perfect smaller tasks before I jump into the bigger ones. The one thing I want most in this world is you, Baby, and before we jump into something that neither one of us knows how to handle I want to do everything possible to make sure we're ready."

Bella touched the side of his face and smiled her understanding. He hadn't said it but she'd been right there with him throughout their entire day and she'd felt the intensity between them growing as they'd danced. If Edward felt like a little more privacy was what they needed in order to work towards and ultimately achieve all that they wanted together then she was all for it.

"Let's figure out what's for dinner and see if I can get through a few more chapters tonight, then I'm all yours tomorrow, Sweetheart. And I mean it. All yours—anything you want."


	39. Chapter 39

A/N: Just a few notes…I've been writing a lot, which is not a bad thing, but as it turns out, this isn't anything like the chapter I had planned on posting before my mind got caught up in its own little ideas. All of that aside, this means you'll be getting a few new updates over the next little while.  
Now, on to the next bit…since my brain decided to take us here I only had minor control over the content, so a few words about that might be in order. I want to remind everyone that my Edward is a genius, a very self aware, contemplative genius at that. Which means even as a young boy he was always thinking, and at a very adult level in terms of understanding. It might be creepy to see him as a younger version of himself in certain situations, but I think I felt this need to showcase just _how_ surprising his recent changes must seem, to not only his family, but also himself.

Which leads us to the last lil need to know. I usually like to give the reader a chance to pick up on the little clues that tell you _when_ something is taking place, and I personally like the "whoa, what?" kind of thing that happens when you find out that a dream sequence or flashback wasn't what you thought. That being said the transition to this type of thing here is somewhat abrupt so pay attention.  
That's all the help you get ;)  
-Enjoy!

Chapter 39

Edward was breathing heavily, bent over at the waist, his hands braced against either hip, sucking in as much air as he possibly could. When he felt like his lungs were no longer on fire he straightened his posture and picked up his hastily discarded backpack so that the moisture clinging to the grass and soil wouldn't have much opportunity to seep through its nylon shell. Granted he'd only brought along some water and a light snack for the day, a towel, dry shirt and something to read for when he took time to relax after reaching his intend destination, but he was still unwilling to ruin any of his things thanks to simple neglect.  
It was hell being so responsible at such a young age.

Tossing his backpack up on top of a nearby boulder, Edward stretched his shoulders and took a quick look around. It was nothing more than a habit but he was never one to stray from what he was use to. He took the time to study his surroundings to insure his privacy but also so that he could take in the beauty of this place whenever he'd come here.

It hadn't been long since he'd started running, instead of strolling, through the woods, but Edward was enjoying the new challenges his self-imposed exercise regimen had added to his favorite past time. Sure he managed to scare off most of the animals he might otherwise encounter on the initial leg of his journey, but it was exhilarating to go crashing through trees and brush, to hurdle over rocks and dodge unseen obstacles, all while carrying the weight of whatever supplies he'd deemed necessary for the day.  
Sometime his burden would include homework, other times he'd bring along his camera equipment or a field guide so that he could study different things he'd find in the forest, and at times, like today, it was little more than a comic book and something to eat.

It was summertime and quite warm today with the sun busy dominating the few clouds he could see gathering in the sky. More comfortable in this place than he was anywhere else, Edward never hesitated as he stripped out of his shirt and laid it across the boulder near his other things—with any luck it would be dry by the time he was ready to pack up and return home. He untied his boots and peeled his socks off as well, taking pleasure in the feel of a cool breeze on his skin and the damp grass underfoot. He then grabbed his water bottle and took a thirsty pull, brushing his sweat soaked hair out of his eyes before wandering off towards his favorite thinking spot.

When he arrived at the water's edge he set the bottle down and cuffed his jeans until they were up to his knees before sinking his feet into the refreshing mountain stream. Despite the warm temperatures today and the bright sun beating down on his back the cold shock to his system made him shiver for a few moments.  
He'd warm up again in a few minutes, when his heart rate returned to normal and he set about doing the rest of his exercises for the day. Yes, there were still the pushups to contend with before he would truly allow himself a chance to relax, but for now he was loving how the water cooled his skin and invigorated his body

A short time later, after another twenty minutes of physical exertion, Edward rolled to his back and let his arms fall lifelessly to either side. It was time to relax.  
He'd never considered that he could be out of shape at thirteen, soon to be fourteen, years of age, but he'd never before committed to any sort of routine involving physical activity.  
He enjoyed watching sports like most kids his age, and he even had some aptitude for certain aspects of most, but he'd never wanted to play. It would draw too much attention and force him to interact with others if he were to express any interest. Besides, he already knew that something as simple as running and playing with his little sister when they were younger had always felt awkward and embarrassing to him, proving in his mind that he'd never be able to enjoy that with anyone else.  
But here in the forest, alone in his meadow, he could be and do what he wanted. He wasn't uncomfortable here. He could test his limits and experience new things without risk of anyone interrupting or questioning his motives. And his motives were simple. He wanted time to himself, but he also wanted time away from his worries.

His father had been the one to suggest some form of physical stimulation, and he'd even mentioned that he could take advantage of the time he spent hiking in the woods, since it would only require a few minor adjustments to his normal outings.  
Edward had been reluctant at first. He didn't have any idea what running instead of walking, or what lifting heavy objects instead of finding an easier way to move them would do for his mental state, but he was pleasantly surprise to find that if he challenged his body in such ways, his mind had no other alternative but to focus on handling the situation at hand instead of worrying over less important matters. And likewise when he was done, his body demanded rest and his mind happily followed along. It was so freeing that he'd embraced this new coping mechanism with enthusiasm. It promised more success than anything he'd been willing to attempt in the past with very few side-affects—most of which he couldn't really complain about.

One such side-affect was that he was already recognizing certain changes to his appearance. He wasn't looking for these changes particularly but he couldn't help but notice that his clothes were fitting differently and how there was subtle definition to his shoulders and forearms that had not been there before. His stomach, though it had always been flat was no longer soft and seamless—he'd actually gained weight but now had a smaller, firmer waistline.

His independent need to study had taught him that a man would change and grow and develop after the onset of puberty, but Edward couldn't help but think that his new look was progressing thanks to his own doing. He was the opposite of vain—since taking pride in one's appearance would indicate some desire to have another's attention, but he liked the changes he could see all the same. If he could keep his body healthy then it made sense that his mental state could possibly benefit as well, and that was all he'd ever hoped for.

But as with anything he'd found one small problem that he now had to contend with on a far more frequent basis, since implementing this routine.

He'd been lying in the tall grass, enjoying the way its cool softness tried to tickle his bare sides and how it comfortably cradled his head, for a long while. His thoughts were at peace and he'd almost managed to doze off a few times before he'd felt the beginnings of an arousal start to stir.  
He was so relaxed that he didn't even notice that his hand was seeking to calm the annoying sensation until he'd already reached under the waistband of his loose fitting jeans and palmed himself. His hands were hot and moist against his sensitive skin, and as his fingers instinctively trailed over his ever-growing length he felt as though his insides were twisting up to a point where they might explode.

This was sort of new to him since he didn't touch himself very often, the act always feeling so inappropriate once he was done, but he'd come to learn as of late that it was going to take care of itself eventually whether he sought to help things along or not. And for whatever reason this past summer had seen him having to try and ignore this issue far too often for his liking. He knew it was partly to do with his age, but he feared that his newfound physicality was encouraging his body's production of testosterone, compounding the problem.

Trying to reason his way though this he was reminded that he'd already denied himself half a dozen opportunities over the past week; and having already taken matters in hand, so to speak, he seemed to figure, why not. It might actually save him from having to volunteer to do his own laundry tomorrow.

With his other hand already working to unfasten his jeans, freeing his ability to move more comfortably, Edward closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. He didn't want to think about what he was doing. He didn't want to think about the fact that he'd already decided that this would be it for him—he'd only ever know the pleasure of his own hand and he'd never feel okay with, or satisfied by such a self-indulgent act. So thankfully he didn't think. Instead he was suddenly plagued by an onslaught of unwelcome images.

The man was obviously supposed to be him. He was older, though not by much, but he was bigger, taller and more muscular. He was lying in the very same spot, his shirt off, his jeans cuffed half way to his knees. He had a lot more than the five embarrassing chest hairs that he'd discovered recently on his scrawny, by comparison, preteen body, but in his imagination the differences didn't bother him at all. He looked…okay.

Confused and frustrated by the fact that his mind was wandering off to such a random place while his hand still awkwardly sought to…_relieve_ his situation, Edward groaned for no reason that he could name. But in that moment his mental image began to change. There was a woman there with him now. She was small and delicate and her smile was lovely. He saw himself sit up as she knelt beside him and he nearly choked when this woman bent to kiss his lips while reaching out so comfortably to touch him, _there_. The man in his daydream—because he could no longer fathom that this was really himself, in any way shape or form—had lain back in his previous position, never deterring this beautiful girl as she caressed the impressive bulge in his pants. He'd only looked at her with a relaxed expression, the same crooked little smile he often felt himself unconsciously using whenever he wanted to please someone, while his hand reached out to bring her body down, so that she might lie next to him.

Edward felt his hips lurch and his grip tighten but he wasn't ready to let go. This dream, or fantasy, or whatever this odd illusion his mind had conjured up was, seemed far too intriguing to lose just yet.

The scene was changing so quickly; one moment he…or not him, but some version of himself, had been wearing jeans, lying next to a girl who was fully clothed. And then the next thing he knew, he was freed from all but a pair of boxers, his engorged penis still locked in this woman's grasp, enjoying flesh to flesh contact, while each of his hands, along with his mouth were now busy fondling her gorgeous and very naked upper body.

His breathing quickened as if he'd just finished his run and his heart was racing as he felt his body begin to quake. The ensuing eruption of pleasure was like nothing he'd ever known and it startled him back to reality.

_Jesus where had that come from?_

It was foolish and he knew it, but Edward was still taking every precaution as he slowly detangled, first his arm and then both of his legs, from being wrapped up with Bella while she continued to sleep. He knew that there wasn't much that was capable of disturbing her once she was really out; but he was truly hoping to escape without notice this morning, therefore he was unwilling to risk anything that might disturb her if he could help it.

Once he was free and able to sit up, he located his glasses on the nightstand and slipped them into place, pausing for a moment so that he could look back at his girl lying there beside him, so beautiful and peaceful. He'd already been lying there awake for the better part of an hour, just enjoying the feel of her presence, but he had been unable to get back to sleep. Becoming restless he'd finally decided that it was time to move.

She was in his shirt again, and having left the top two buttons undone as before the collar was open enough to expose the majority of her right shoulder, the material having shifted with her unconscious movements as they'd slept.  
He said a silent prayer before turning to go that she would remain this way until he could return so that he might take advantage of this outrageously tempting opportunity, when there was more time to enjoy the possible outcome.

Quietly he found his boots and the hoodie that Bella had purchased for him before slipping from the room. Once he'd made it to the top of the stairs he pulled on his shoes and then donned the light jacket as he made his way towards the front door.

"There's leftover ice cream in the freezer, and there are an ass of condoms in the powder room; so you mind sharing what else might have someone sneaking out at this hour?"

Edward nearly tripped over his own feet thanks to the surprise, never expecting to find that his sister was up and about at this time of day.

"Jesus Ally, you scared the shit out of me! What the hell are you doing sitting around in the dark?" he made sure to whisper despite his tone.

"I'm headed into work early today—got lots to catch up on. And I wasn't sitting around in the dark. I'd actually just killed the light, since I'm on my way out."

"You're going into work at four in the morning?" He sought to confirm with some doubt.

She just nodded with a smile, still shocked over how easily he'd managed to ignore her unnecessary condom reference.

She was being honest when she had said that it wasn't her goal to make them uncomfortable or tease them overly much, but it was just that her intuition kept telling her that something must have happened between her brother and Bella during their trip to Seattle, though neither one of them was willing to talk about any specifics—confirming her suspicions just as affectively in her opinion. She didn't really think that they had _sealed the deal,_ so to speak, but there was something about the ease with which they were starting to share their affection so openly, and with significantly less embarrassment, that made her believe these two were beginning to delve into something of an intimate nature with some success. And of course it was true that she felt some engrained obligation to protect her brother and her best friend, such as when Jasper made a point of voicing his opinion on the matter, but it was still difficult to completely ignore her own curiosity. And who could blame her? She had very little in common with either of them, from a personality stand point, so it was beyond her how two grown people could share a bed, let alone a room, when they were so obviously attracted to one another and not be pursuing something of a physical nature.

"So are you going to tell me where you're off to or what?" she asked again as Edward followed her outside, closing and locking the door behind them.

"I'm just going to Mom and Dad's real quick." He informed her as if that should seem normal.

"I hate to tell you, Mom and Dad tend to sleep at night; and I don't think either one of them will believe that you haven't officially lost it if you go showing up at the house so early in the morning, wearing this odd little ensemble you've got working here."

"See this is why I avoid people." He chose to inform her. "So what if I want to drive over to get something out of the garage at four in the morning? And who gives a damn what I wear while I do that? Perhaps I don't want to make Bella wait while I get all obsessive about making sure we have everything we might need tonight. Or maybe I prefer that she not know what all I have planned ahead of time. Is it really so hard to believe that someone like myself wouldn't be able to sleep, knowing that I have a lot to do today before I can take my girlfriend out for the very first time—without help from the outside?"

Edward held her gaze unblinkingly, challenging her to dispute the probability of anything he'd just said, his hands on his hips and his jaw set with tension.

Alice was smiling ear to ear as she regarded this new and very welcome side of her brother. She'd always known that he was capable of it, but she'd never seen such a blatantly confrontational display of confidence from him. Proud as she was, she didn't even think to tell him that she'd only been teasing.

"Bubby, if I wasn't wearing four inch heels right now I'd totally be jumping into your arms; but since I am, just bend your tall ass down so that I can hug the shit out of you for a second."

Edward was so stunned by his own outburst and Alice's easy acceptance of it that he found himself holding her tightly before he even really knew what had happened. He didn't mean to go off like that but his nerves were already on edge; the strange dreams that had plagued his sleep were reminders of what he'd always been trying to avoid and yet here he was pursuing the very content of those dreams. It was the reason behind his early wake up and the subsequent desire to sneak over and root around in his folks' garage this morning, but Alice didn't need to know all of that.

After a long moment his sister loosened her embrace and with a heavy sigh she pulled back to look at him. After staring at his chest for a moment, noticing how he'd only bothered to zip up the sweatshirt he wore about halfway, she reached out and let the first two fingers on her right hand trail over the length of his jaw and the thickening beard growth that was there.  
She'd been shocked by how soft and pleasant the feel of it had been when her cheek had brushed against the side of his face. She'd never tell him, because that would just be creepy, but she could suddenly see some of the appeal that his facial hair, or hair in general, might have for Bella—he was sort of like a scruffy little teddy bear, all fuzzy and cuddly.

"So I guess I won't be seeing either of you around for supper tonight?"

"No, we'll be staying out tonight, but back by midday tomorrow I'm guessing." He confided with a shy little grin.

"Well, have fun and keep in mind what I said earlier, just in case."

Edward had a look of confusion as he thought about what all she'd said and what she could be referring to. Taking pity on him she winked and reminded him of what was available in the bathroom should he have a need for such things. Rewarded by his blushing complexion, Alice kissed his cheek and climbed into her car with a little smirk of satisfaction.

Edward, dumbfounded by Alice's rather blunt insinuation, managed to awkwardly wave to his sister as she drove off and finally got himself headed in right direction, but not without a few new worries making themselves known. He didn't want to spend much time on the potentially uncomfortable implications his sister had thrown his way or the fact that he would need to consider such things before he and Bella fumbled their way through much more than they'd already been able to accomplish, but with such a straightforward reminder, it had now become inevitable.  
That being said he still had a purpose this morning, which had everything to do with his desire to start preparations for this day spent with Bella; so a little quiet time alone on the drive over to his parents', where he could relax and think was more than welcome.

_If only Bella were with him though_.

He smiled at the way his brain had now started to work. At any other time in his life he would have thanked his lucky stars for the opportunity to be all by him self; now however, Bella was a part of him and without her he would never be fully content.

He hadn't wanted to sever their nocturnal embrace or haul himself out of the warmth of her bed, but he'd awakened to find that her hand had somehow come to rest just a little closer to his, understandably rigid, cock than he felt comfortable ignoring. And certainly the content of his dreams just prior to that awakening had left him wanting that hand in ways he could hardly describe. He wouldn't give in though. His needs were secondary to his want for her happiness and sleep was one of the many things that seemed to make his Bella happy. He'd never fault her for that, since he couldn't recall having ever slept so peacefully until he'd started sharing a bed with Bella over the past few nights. There was definitely something to be said for a good night of sleep spent in the arms of the one you love.

Unfortunately however, once he'd found himself awake this morning his mind was not about to leave him be. It meant that getting up and being productive was the best that he could do, short of waking Bella so that she could talk him through his worries.  
He considered the second option rather selfish so he'd opted for the first, leaving Bella to enjoy her sleep, while he tried to settle his thoughts by seeing to the one set of worries he actually felt capable of rectifying. With that in mind, he'd decided to get a head start on packing up what they would need in order to stay out over night, and the longer he'd laid there thinking the more convinced he'd become that this trip to his father's garage would be necessary.

He'd been able to ignore any concerns that might have occurred to him the night before after suggesting a day spent together hiking in the forest, since he had Bella there in his arms smiling so happily as they chatted about some of the many trips he'd taken in the past. She'd been fascinated by his descriptions of various landscapes and she was inquisitive about the different types of animals he'd encountered, keeping his mind thoroughly focus on the present. Even now, he was still feeling good about this outing, since he'd always wanted to share with Bella the type of experiences he loved so much—her enthusiasm for the idea making it all the more exciting, but with one small dilemma remaining.

Over the years, Edward had perfected the concept of _roughing it_. It was meant to challenge him and simplify what he would need to bring along when he'd travel, but he was adamantly apposed to subjecting Bella to something so primitive.  
His need to protect and care for her, combined with a recently acquired need to please certain people—namely his mother, seemed to be the overall driving force, but he knew that there was indeed more to it than that.

Barley paying any attention to his actions, Edward found himself slowing down and pulling off of the two lane highway, while he killed the headlights, having reached the seemingly hidden turn. The moon was full tonight so he had plenty of light to see any unexpected obstacles and still keep his early morning visit a secret. He didn't want to disturb his parents, since he was merely interested in raiding what his father had kept from his old supply of camping equipment to supplement what was already stashed in the trunk of his car. And besides, he knew this dark, winding driveway by heart, despite the fact that his eyesight was somewhat less than perfect.

Watching the space directly ahead for any movement, Edward realized that the drive over had seemed to take no time at all, thanks to his internal thought process, and much to his surprise, Edward was happy to discover that this had become a rather peaceful undertaking lately.

He'd spent years, since moving away, dreading this journey every time he'd found himself taking it, but finally it had become everything he'd always hoped it would be. He was no longer nervous to see his mom and dad, and though his childhood home would always hold certain uncomfortable memories that he'd just as soon forget, it also held just as many fond ones; making it a destination he could look forward to, instead of one he generally wished to avoid. No doubt the newfound level of acceptance he was able to see whenever he was around his mother had a lot to do with that.

He smiled thinking about her and recalled just how pleased Esme had been when she'd heard what details Bella had been willing to share about their trip to Seattle, while everyone was over for dinner the other night. Naturally Bella had done most of the talking and Edward tended to look away and blush whenever Alice and his mother would gush about how fun, or how wonderful, or how romantic something had sounded, but in the end he felt rather proud that everyone wanted to label the date as having been perfect.

The happy thoughts helpfully served as a reminder to him of his purpose this morning. He knew that if Bella were to similarly tell Esme about his normal definition of camping over dinner in a few days, his mother would likely be mortified—not only that her son would willingly pursue such a potentially harsh experience, but that he might also allow Bella to be exposed to it as well, by accompany him.

Edward let that car come to a rolling stop next to the side entrance of the garage and turned off the engine before climbing out.  
He managed to turn off most of his worries for the moment as well, but it wasn't as if the thoughts he'd been contemplating were bothersome. His mind may be busy this morning, as usual, but the content didn't disturb him in the least. He likened it to being out and about with Bella by his side. Seeing her and feeling her presence had been able to calm his fears and distract him from the normal reactions he was most prone to. Now, thinking of her and the way his mother had been so supportive of their growing relationship, he managed to feel that same sense of comfort. It was much like that version of himself that he'd been so reluctant to accept in his boyhood fantasies. With Bella everything was easy, relaxed and natural.

After unlatching the side door, Edward knew right where to go to find what he was looking for, since he'd already seen the collection of old, forgotten camping supplies the other week when he'd come out here to have a look around before working on Bella's truck. At the time his discovery had made him think about a lot of fond memories, many of which were very dear to him. Things such as the time his father had given him a tent for Christmas.

It had been the very same year they'd first traveled to the cabin in Colorado. Along with the tent he'd also received a thermal sleeping bag and several other necessities, which meant that for the remainder of that year's winter break, despite the snow and many protests from his mother, Edward had insisted on living in the backyard. That spring, with Carlisle's permission, Edward had started hiking in the woods near the house, with strict instructions that he not wander off beyond the river that cut through the middle of their property, and he had to be home each afternoon early enough to clean up and be presentable by the time dinner was on the table. By summer Edward had explored nearly every inch of the forest he had access to and he had never broken his curfew; so with his father along for the journey he'd started to venture out further onto the property looking for new and wonderful discoveries. For his birthday Carlisle had upgraded some of his supplies and he'd even agreed to an overnight camping trip, far enough away from the house so that it had actually seemed _real. _Impressed by Edward's enthusiasm and careful attention to detail Carlisle had expanded his son's freedom to include further boundaries, and so long as he knew the precise location of his campsite, he would allow Edward to spend an occasional night sleeping out in the forest all by himself.

It had been almost a year and a half after he'd first started exploring the wooded area around his parents' house that Edward had managed to come upon the meadow. It was late spring at the time and the wildflowers were in full bloom, allowing him to experience one of the most glorious sights he'd ever witnessed to that point in his life. He was so moved by its beauty that he didn't even have it within him to be disturbed by his rather sappy reaction at the time. And from that moment on his meadow had become a regular stop on any little adventure he'd felt compelled to take and the site of many wonderful experiences.

It was a few years still before he'd taken to turning his daily walks into opportunities to exercise and clear his mind, but from that moment on, when he'd found his meadow, he'd felt like there was something more to life, something he could possibly enjoy and love about his existence on his earth.

He'd already told Bella all about how he use to lay by himself staring up at the clouds, daydreaming. He'd spent countless hours out there all alone, just thinking most times, but also working through his issues when the mood would strike. It was a safe haven away from the rest of the world for him, whenever his problems seemed to be at their worst. And tonight he would once again share the magic of his most special place with her.

Edward turned on a light above the workbench so that the brighter overhead wouldn't draw attention to his presence and he proceeded to pull down a handful of boxes labeled with his name. He knew exactly what he needed and had a good idea where to find those things, but he couldn't help looking over some of the other items one more time, just because. Right away he located one of the smaller backpacks he'd used as a boy, along with an extra bedroll, and a pair of tin plates. Setting those aside, he had to smile seeing that his old set of binoculars and his very first battery powered lantern were at the bottom of this first box, but he chose to leave those things behind and move on to the next. He soon found another thermos and canteen. Placing those items along side the other things he'd already collected he moved on in search of the last, and most important objects he'd come looking for; but that was only after taking a few moments to look over a battered and torn field guide he'd found under a small, tin case, which held a simple compass, several emergency candles, a handful of random bandages, and two long forgotten signal flares.

It had been a long time since Edward had thought about the emergency kit his mother had insisted he start carrying into the woods with him whenever he'd venture out, but he'd been happy to take it along back then. His mother had seemed pleased with his willingness to appease her and he'd always loved the way she would smile whenever she'd notice it sitting right on top of his other supplies when he'd lay out his gear to inspect it before one of his many hiking trips.  
It was the same type of look she'd given him the other night when he'd jump to assist Bella with anything she might need, or the way he couldn't help but stare off in her direction from time to time, no matter how close they were sitting to one another. Esme's smile was an irrefutable display of acceptance—something that Edward had always craved, but only recently recognized.

With all that he needed now, Edward popped the trunk of his car and loaded up the things he'd acquired. He was undeniably eager to return to Bella and he was even more excited now that he felt truly ready for this date.

As before, he didn't remember much from the drive back or the fact that he'd managed to carry several of his procured items down to the laundry, his mind once again occupied by relaxing images; this time they were of he and Bella—walking through the forest, cuddling together in the meadow, kissing under the stars.

His boyhood fantasies may have been a reminder, but they were not going to dictate his future. Back then he would have sworn that it would never be possible. Two weeks ago he would have happily agreed with the stubborn thirteen year old he had been. But now he was _living_ his fantasy and he would never dare to think that something was impossible before it could be proven so, especially where he and Bella were concerned.

He realized once he was finished loading the washer that it was indeed rather fortuitous that he'd awakened so early today, since camping gear that had been in storage for the better part of ten years didn't exactly convey any sort of romantic message. Because seriously, a musty old sleeping bag was definitely not the sort of thing that said, _'Hey Baby, come snuggle up and touch me.'_ And lord help him he wanted her touch tonight.

With that in mind, Edward tiptoed back into the room wearing only his underwear, after having already stripped out of his hoodie and sleep pants, leaving them behind to be laundered next. He was mildly paranoid that she might be awake and in a position to possibly catch him sneaking around in nothing but his boxer briefs, but all the same, he couldn't seem to keep moving or control the grin that took over his features, the moment he saw that Bella had managed to spread out and take up most of the bed in his absence, but other than that she seemed relatively undisturbed.

Despite being drawn in by the wonderful sight of her sleeping form, Edward was unable to enjoy the moment as thoroughly as he might have liked, considering his state; making himself move on he decided that it was time to get cleaned up and back to bed.

Of course, the thought had crossed his mind that he could take advantage of the shower upstairs, knowing that Alice had already gone off to work, but all of his things were now residing down here, so as quietly as he could manage he made his way over to the bathroom and carefully closed the door behind him.

Multitasking, he brushed his teeth and thoroughly scrubbed his entire body, his hair and beard included, and rinsed off in record time. Less than five minutes later, as he stood drying himself off he noticed the beginnings of an arousal start to develop. He couldn't really help it though; here he was naked in Bella's bathroom, surrounded by the smell of her soap and shampoo and everything else that could possibly remind him of her feminine beauty. And besides, she hadn't been off of his mind for a single second, since he'd awakened a couple of hours ago—all of the wonderful, happy thoughts he'd been remembering were seemingly determined to remind him of the new memories he was hoping to add, thanks to Bella.

As he stood there, he knew that it would be easy enough to step back into the shower and rub one out, but Edward felt like that was a cowardly thing to do at this point. Bella was getting use to the physical evidence of his attraction and she also seemed to enjoy it in many ways. And though he was still self conscious and a bit embarrassed by how little control he continued to experience at times he knew that there was no need to hide what was so obvious any longer. She wouldn't want him to anyway.

He was trying to think innocent thoughts as he wrapped the towel he'd been drying off with securely around his waist, and with much care he slowly made his way back into the bedroom. His mind was no match for the picture that had been waiting to greet him however.

When he'd left her a short while ago Edward had been hoping to return and find that she was still in that wonderfully provocative pose from before—her bare shoulder on display, thanks to the ill-fitting shirt she'd taken ownership of recently and her ability to sleep so deeply. What he'd found instead was something altogether different and far more enticing.

It had been his goal to find another pair of boxers to slip on and perhaps a t-shirt, though he knew that covering his chest would only piss her off, but Edward wasn't worried about what to wear all of a sudden, having abandoned the search for clothing in favor of watching his love as she…slept?

She was clutching his pillow, her face obscured by most of it, though he could see that her teeth were busy biting into her lip. Her body was slowly, gently, almost unnoticeably, rocking beneath the thin sheet that barely managed to cover the lower portion of her body. And thanks to her change of position and continual movement, his shirt had become twisted and tangled around her, accentuating every last curve.

_God bless, why had he wanted to leave this bed again?_

Edward was beside himself with lust and loathing as he continued to stare in wonder, thankful that sunrise had already arrived, allowing him to see so much better now than he had been able to before, with only the moonlight to help him.

Had he stayed she would be rubbing up against him like that at this very moment, his body tried to tell him. He could turn to her and let her find what she was searching for, her dreams working to make the process so much easier for the both of them. And yet here he was, standing there like a fool watching her, not stopping her, not helping her. He felt so perverted because of his hesitation, but unable to look away.

"Edward."

It was just a whisper and only his name, but thankfully it was enough to make him snap out of it. For half a heartbeat he'd feared that she was awake and aware of his voyeurism. Fully erect as he was now with little more than a towel covering him, he had no hope of explaining away the situation in any sort of respectable fashion, but as luck would have it she'd only been talking in her sleep.  
A little moan and a few other mumbled words managed to escape as she continued to caress his pillow, her body seeming to slow its rhythmic movements.  
He took a breath for the first time in ages and removed his glasses, scrubbing a hand over his heated face. He pulled a pair of under shorts from the pile of clothes that were folded on the top of her dresser—thanks to all of the laundry he'd done that day before, and slipped them on in favor of his quickly discarded towel. Adjusting himself as best he could, Edward crept closer to the bed and slid into the small space she'd left available.

"Come here, Baby." He whispered, opening his arms and gently pulling the pillow from her grasp.

She stirred slightly, her eyes fluttering in confusion for a moment before she sighed and snuggled up against him. She was still after just a few seconds and he could tell that she was back to sleeping, thanks to her slow even breaths and the subtle twitching of her left hand as it lay upon his chest.

He was throbbing with need and yet he felt incredibly content with her there in his arms. On some level he already knew it, but just now he could see for himself that he'd finally become that man in his daydreams, the man he could never fathom himself capable of being. He was a man in love with a beautiful girl—someone he felt incredibly comfortable with and more than willing to please, in every way possible.

He closed his eyes knowing that there were no pressing matters to attend to now, and no time schedule to demand that they wake at a certain time. This was going to be a day for them to relax and enjoy each other—no pressure, and no particular expectations. Just Bella and Edward and whatever seemed right.


	40. Chapter 40

A/N: It's a hell of a business getting Edward ready to do anything he's not use to, no matter how insistent he is that he's up to the challenge. LOL! So I figured it was best to break this lil adventure up into a few separate chapters—give me some time to talk him into it and y'all something to read sooner rather than later ;)  
Happy reading!

Chapter 40

"Darling, what is Edward's car doing out by the garage?" Esme asked while refilling her husband's coffee cup.  
She hadn't noticed it early while she was preparing breakfast, but it had caught her eye this time around when she'd taken time to glance outside and enjoy the brilliant sunshine they were so un-use to seeing around here. It made her wonder why it was here and for how long had it been, since there was no one milling about in the yard and she certainly hadn't heard anyone come inside.

Carlisle motioned that he would answer in a second as he was already enjoying a sip from his topped up mug.

"There was a note out on the porch with the paper this morning. Seems Edward and Bella have decided to go hiking today."

"Hiking?" she blinked with some surprise.

Such an outing was par for the course with Edward, but Esme couldn't imagine Bella out in the forest, clumsy as she had a tendency to be. All she could think of was the time that Alice had talked her into going along with a group of friends their first year away at college for a little day trip. They'd ended up at Rainbow Falls State Park hoping to walk some trails and see the sights. When the girls had come home to visit the following weekend, Bella had insisted that she'd had a wonderful time—save for having to walk with crutches for the next six weeks, thanks to a severely sprained ankle and a very painful half mile she'd had to hobble back in order to find a ranger's station.

"I know what you're thinking, Hon. But honestly, do you think there's even the slightest chance that Bella could get hurt with Edward around to take care of her?"

Esme didn't have to think about it long to know that he was right.

It was outrageously heartwarming to see those two together and she couldn't help the smile that had come so easily thinking about the dinner they'd all shared a few nights ago.  
It was so obvious that Edward was completely taken with the girl and he didn't seem to mind that everyone knew it. She was still getting use to his ever-present smile and the way his eyes would light up over the littlest things. And she couldn't get over how even in those moments when his usual personality tried to make itself known he could recover so quickly with nothing more than a loving glance from Bella or a gentle touch of her hand.

"Maybe they'll want to stay for supper tonight. I'd love to talk with Bella some more about this…"

"Sorry," Carlisle carefully interrupted, knowing his wife was so excited, since she was finally getting to see such a wonderful side of their son and the special girl he'd fallen for. He hated to be the one to break it to her, but he also didn't want to let her go on, building her hopes up even more, just to disappoint her in the end.  
"The note said they were prepared to camp overnight if the weather holds. I suppose they didn't want us to worry if they weren't back before nightfall."

Understandably her enthusiasm had a minor lull, but that was only until another line of thinking managed to creep its way into her thoughts.

"Carlisle, you don't suppose they've…I mean he's only been here for a couple of weeks and according to Alice they hardly said a word to one another for the first few days…"  
She didn't really define what she was asking, but she didn't really need to. Carlisle smirked a little thinking about how proper and innocent acting his wife could be at times. He knew her better than that, but he'd never embarrass her by pointing it out.

"How long did we know each other?" he challenged instead, smiling at her instantly reddened cheeks.

"That's different." She insisted.

"No it's not." He chuckled.

"But we were…"

"What? Normal?" he raised an eyebrow.

"You know I wasn't going to say that. We just didn't have the same issues, I suppose. I mean Edward has never even tried to befriend anyone before, let alone…" she struggled with the right words and gave up after a few awkward seconds, moving on to Bella's situation.  
"And I don't care how good they are together, how understanding they are of one another's problems you can't expect a girl who has suffered what Bella went through to just up and…"

"Fuck our son?"

She had a tight-lipped expression of disapproval for a brief moment before she and Carlisle both cracked up with laughter.

"Look I know it's odd to think about, but we can't assume anything. And besides, those two are the most responsible people I've ever met under the age of fifty. If they are sleeping together then I'm certain there was an awful lot of thought and consideration that went into it before hand."

She finally conceded that he was probably right and that it wasn't really their concern anyway. These were two adults after all and it really shouldn't matter if they chose to pursue a sexual relationship now or a year from now, they were entitled to make their own decisions about what was right for them.

"You'll be off in the morning?" she changed the subject after a long moment of silence.

He nodded to answer.

"I've got Thomas lined up to go and look at the house tomorrow and I'll need you to meet with him, since I've already told Mrs. Peyton that I would be over to finalize papers on the sale of that office space downtown."

He nodded again and smiled before looking out towards the backyard and the sight of Edward's car parked as it was.

He was really moving back. He was off hiking in the woods behind their house, like he'd done so many times growing up. And this time he had his girlfriend with him. He may have kept the conversation, concerning Edward's relationship with Bella, teasing and playful with Esme, but Carlisle secretly had his fingers crossed, since his wife hadn't been the only one notice or enjoy the way that Bella and Edward were growing and changing as a couple.

Pride would probably be a good word to describe this feeling he had, except for the fact that he'd always been proud of his son; and besides what he felt now seemed to go beyond that. It was sort of like watching him stand for the first time, and how it had been seeing him attempt to toddle along, learning to walk; perhaps it was actually closer to the way he'd felt when hearing Edward unexpectedly say the word Daddy for the first time, all over again.

Whatever it was, the feeling was indescribable.

Of course he would never expect anyone to believe that he could really compare the idea of his son losing his virginity with such innocent milestones though; but it was still a sign that he was learning and growing and in Carlisle's mind it became validation that Edward had always been capable of whatever he wanted to accomplish; something that Edward had determined only a few short hours ago that he was very much in favor of proving today.  
And it was a desire that had only intensified upon his reawakening.

It had begun when she'd started mumbling his name again. Or more accurately she had moaned a very quiet, "Mmm…my Edward."  
It was so quiet that Edward might have missed the sweet sound of her voice had her fingers not already been fondling the soft hair decorating most of his chest; a truly wonderful way to be awakened, in his opinion.

It had been easy to see in that moment why this right here was the type of thing he had always fantasized about—lying next to a woman who he found so utterly irresistible and having her validate their mutual adoration. Edward didn't have any idea what time it was or how long it had been since he'd returned to bed, but he wasn't terribly concerned about sleep right now, or the potential lack thereof. All he wanted to do was find a way to let his Bella know just how much he loved every little thing she'd brought into his world.

With that in mind he slid down a bit, turning to face her, his movement being instantly rewarded by her hand settling upon his backside, encouraging him to come closer.

"Wake up for me, Bella." He gently requested, while his very amused lips sought to encourage her.  
He was getting more comfortable with such things, but he was still concerned that Bella would be embarrassed, or worried that she might have unknowingly overstepped some boundary, in her present state—still groggy and barely conscious.

His efforts were rewarded by her returning his kiss—never removing her hand, only adjusting it slightly so that she might grip him a bit more thoroughly.  
She muttered a lazy little "G'morning," between their now repetitive kisses, before taking control of the situation, silently encouraging Edward, who of course very willingly rolled to his back with little persuasion. When she finally broke their connection she immediately redirected her attention, worshiping his neck and chest, inhaling deeply and shuddering with pleasure as she was assaulted with his clean, heavenly scent.

"Good morning to you too." He'd teased when she continued to suckle a particular spot just beneath his collarbone.

And then she bit him.

"Ouch," he'd managed to playfully complain amidst his pleasantly surprised laughter.

She just grinned mischievously and kissed away the pain.

"How long have you been up?" she then accused as much as asked, knowing that by the scent of his body and the slight dampness of his hair that he'd only gotten out of the shower a short while ago.

"Not so long." He'd assured her, though he was playfully taking her words at face value.  
It was true that he hadn't be _up_ for very long, but had she asked if he'd been _awake_ for a while he would have been honest and told her the truth. It was obvious now that he'd managed to doze off, but that he hadn't been sleeping long when he'd awakened again thanks to her touch.

"You're excited." She surmised.

He couldn't deny that statement either, any way he'd like to look at it. Instead of continuing to play though, he'd just agreed, saying that it wasn't everyday that a boy got to share something he loved so much with the girl of his dreams.

Bella went on to blush slightly and told him that she wanted to shower as well before they set out to start their day. He responded by promising that they had all the time in the world and that the meadow wouldn't be going anywhere without them, but she'd insisted that he wasn't the only one that was looking forward to every aspect of this day. Taking a few seconds to debate the need for more sleep verses the desire to get things underway, they mutually decided that it was apparently as good a time as any to get going.

Bella was sure to give him another lingering kiss, begging for coffee while finally climbing out of bed. He dearly loved how easy and natural their mornings had become. Sure he wanted to be respectful and stay focused on the promises he'd already made, but he could easily see himself making love to Bella now, and it didn't even frighten him.

When she'd abandoned the room and shut the bathroom door Edward flopped back into the mess of pillows behind him. He'd been thinking it nonstop since returning from his shower so he might as well say it.

"Bloody fucking hell."

Finally giving in to his urges he was not only swearing but his right hand had already reached down of its own accord to grasp the firm, pulsating shaft of his cock.

"I swear if you don't embarrass me tonight I won't tell you no anymore." He'd groaned as his fist began to immediately create a delicious amount of friction.

Refusing to make a mess of their bed again Edward tossed back the covers and with a great amount of effort he sat up on the side, his erection still in hand and his body fighting to hold on. He'd been very aware of the fact that he was only a short distance from Bella, as she started her shower in the next room, but he was unable to worry about that. It wouldn't take long, some persistent part of his brain assured him—and besides it wasn't as if she hadn't already helped him handle such a predicament once before.

He could hardly move in his present state, and having already committed to the act there was no way of stopping the inevitable; he'd finally realized this only moments before it had become too late to consider any other option. He couldn't even enjoy his orgasm though, as he fought to choked off the pending emission, while fumbling to grab hold of the t-shirt he'd decided against wearing at the last minute so that he could use it as a convenient receptacle.

After the moment had passed he'd sat there trying to breathe and cleaned himself up a bit better, shivering as he inadvertently taunted the lingering sensitivity.

"Think you can behave now?" he wondered looking down at his very smug and still remarkably chubby penis.

Giving up on any further attempts at a pep talk, he had finally tucked himself away and started to search for some appropriate clothing.

After tossing the wadded up shirt he still held across the short distance between the bedroom and the laundry, he came up with his old jeans and another one of the t-shirts Bella had supplied him with, pulling them on with little effort. He then found his lightweight jacket with a plan to grab his hoodie once it was finished washing as well. He laid a clean change of underwear and socks on the foot of the bed and located a second t-shirt to go along with everything else.

He spent a moment folding everything other than his jacket into neat little squares and stacked them into a small pile. Then sitting down in Bella's desk chair he had busied himself with lacing up his boots.  
While he was still tying off the first knot he heard a groan of sorts coming from the bathroom followed by a sound he couldn't really describe. He couldn't describe the sound but he still knew exactly what it was. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to imagine that it was anything other than what was really going on behind that door, but his heart told him that he was indeed hearing the same type of desire he'd witness earlier during Bella's sleep.

As difficult as the process was he'd managed to stagger up the stairs leaving Bella to have what privacy he could afford her. And for the moment he couldn't help thinking that if this was going to be what their mornings were like from here on out, he was very ready to get on with…_something_. Either they were going to have to consummate this relationship sooner rather than later, making his needs all the more welcome and understandable, or he was going to have to find someplace else to sleep until they could. He knew what his preference would be as of right then, but he was willing to accept either scenario if it meant that they would no longer be subjected to such awkward and unfamiliar situations, especially those that had any potential to offend Bella.

"So what can I do to help?" Bella had asked a while later coming to join him in the kitchen.

He was busy packing up what appeared to be their food and drink options for the day and she was excited to see that there was a bottle of wine sitting out on the table among the other items he'd already chosen. It made her blush to remember, but she'd just been mentally reliving one of her favorite moments with Edward—the night she'd come home bearing gifts, which lead to them kissing and cuddling over dinner and a bottle of wine on the living room floor. It had been the first time she'd really tasted Edward, the first time her hands had really known the pleasure of his well muscled body, and it was the first time she could really see herself saying yes to just about _anything_ he might wish to do. She'd experienced what was becoming a far more frequently occurring moment of weakness in the shower, being that her mind was set on continuing the wonderful dream she'd been able to recall, while waking to find her self in Edward's gentle embrace. And though Edward was still presumably lying in bed in the very next room, she just couldn't seem to help herself, seeing that her desires were finally driving her to act.

She wanted to blame it on his beautiful body and the way he kissed her so passionately—perhaps she could say it was his noticeable lack of attire this morning. Yep, she'd felt the warmth of he bare leg immediately and though it was nothing new, since his pajamas could easily bunch up to his knees as he slept, she was well aware that the higher her leg had brushed up against his the more improbable it had become that he was in his normal sleepwear.

She wouldn't draw attention to her knowledge though, just like she had no idea that he knew what she'd been up to behind closed doors this morning, thanks to his silence; but the soft glow of her skin and the twinkle in her eyes as she smiled at him, with his hungry expression might have given away both situations regardless.

"You'll need to pack a change of clothes—something relatively warm for later tonight, just in case." He told her, his voice guarded and as casual sounding as he could make it.  
He didn't want to embarrass her or draw any undue attention to the fact that he was about to start drooling all over himself, since she'd come upstairs in nothing more than her jeans and that sinfully tight little tank top he'd seen her wear only once before.

"I think I have everything else under control, but if you had something special in mind…as far as food, you could go ahead and pull that out so I can be sure to pack it."

"Whatever you've thought of is fine, I'm sure." She promised as she approached him with a very unmistakable look.

She kissed him lightly on his cheek when he'd leaned down to make it easier, her right hand coming up to cup the opposite side of his face. Her hum of appreciation made his breathing stutter, while her fingers continued to lightly tickle his beard, but it was the words she'd whispered in his ear that made him nearly drop to his knees.

"I had a dream about you last night, and now I can't wait to feel this against the rest of me one day, Sweetheart."

He let his head rest against hers for a moment before slowly turning his eyes towards her understandably shy expression.

"Killing me, Baby." He'd groaned despite his uncontrollable smile.

"Not killing you, just letting you know what I want."

Thank god he'd already determined that there would be no need for a time schedule today as he was suddenly overcome with the desire to let Bella have exactly what she'd requested. However, before his arms could wrap themselves around her properly she'd turned away to find her coffee mug as if the entire exchange had never taken place.

"Bella." He had pouted rather pitifully.

"Hmm?" she'd innocently responded, effectively making him laugh.

He sighed and shook his head then. It was disarming at best; the way she could wined him up so easily and calm him in the very same breath, but that was part of what he loved most about her. His nerves were always on edge around her but in the very best way possible.

"Mind pouring me a cup?" he'd asked instead of complaining about her abrupt escape.

She did as he'd requested and brought his cup to him, begging payment in the form of another kiss before she left him to finish organizing his little collection of foodstuff while she went down to find some appropriate clothing to bring along for tonight.

When she entered her room again she'd noticed the neat little stack of clothes that Edward had apparently laid out for himself. He wasn't bringing along very much, but of course they'd only be staying overnight, so she decided to follow his lead and pack as light as possible—warm socks, a long sleeved t-shirt and a change of underwear to start with. She went ahead and found her hiking shoes and light fleece pullover for today and a pair of sweats to accompany her favorite sleepwear as of late.

With her clothing being smaller than his to start with, her collection of things turned out to be just about the same size when she decided that she had everything she might need.  
The last thing she grabbed from downstairs was her toothbrush and Edward's from the counter in the bathroom after she'd quickly tossed her hair up into ponytail.

"How would you like to pack up our clothes, Sweetheart?" Bella asked after she'd made it carefully back upstairs with her arms loaded down with everything they'd chosen.

Edward looked up from where he was busy reorganizing the supplies he already had in his backpack, which he had just retrieved from the car, in order to make room for their food. He smiled and held up the smaller pack that he'd been able acquire during the early morning visit to his father's garage.

"I've got my sweatshirt and pajamas in the wash, so we'll need to save room for those too." He'd let her know as he went back into the kitchen for a few more items.

She eventually asked if he had any requests for breakfast, since she'd be happy to see to that while he finished stowing and sorting the impressive amount of gear he seemed to have at their disposal—her task of packing their clothes not having taken very much effort by comparison. He informed her that he wouldn't say no to another one of the delicious breakfast sandwiches she'd made for them the day before, enjoying the way his compliment had made her smile.

The sandwiches were a simple undertaking; so Bella sat watching Edward organize all manner of random objects in the seemingly countless compartments of his backpack as she ate, encouraging him to take another bite of his own sandwich from time to time.  
He would grin apologetically whenever it became obvious that his obsessive nature was trying to distract him from her company or the food, which she had prepared. Bella didn't mind though, this was a part of exactly what she was hoping to experience with him today. And if she were to ask him, he'd gladly tell her how relaxing it was to be doing something so familiar this morning; it managed to calm his nerves and remind him that this was something he could handle.

"Okay, let's see if I've overestimated your strength." He offered once he'd finally deemed everything ready to go.

Edward held up the smaller of the two packs and Bella happily let him fit it on her. It was a little bulky and awkward feeling but the weight of it was fine, which made Bella eye the much larger pack that Edward would carry with some suspicion.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take some more? I'm sure I could handle a few more things—lighten your load a little."

"Edward, if you lighten my load anymore I won't be carrying anything."

She'd chuckled while bouncing a little to shift the position of the weight, now attached to her back.  
His over protectiveness was very endearing but she wanted to do her part, and if that meant carrying her fair share of their supplies then she wasn't going to let him coddle her any more than was absolutely necessary given her inexperience.

He'd gently kissed her forehead to express his understanding and informed her that she'd be carrying the tent and their supply of water for the actual hike to the meadow so she could rest assured that he wasn't trying to let her off easy. Finally agreeing that it seemed fair in that case Bella had insisted that he finish his food so that they could get going already.

Loving her eagerness, he'd taken his sandwich downstairs so that he could search for an over-shirt that Alice might not kill him for wearing in the woods, considering his supply of flannels seemed to be dwindling, and pulled the last of their gear from the dryer—a pair of matched sleeping bags.

He'd laughed when his father had brought home these things, going on and on about how they could be used separately or zipped together to make a larger sleeping bag for two. At the time Edward was home from school for the summer and all of fifteen years old; back then he couldn't imagine a need for something so unnecessary, but Carlisle had insisted that perhaps one day they would come in handy. Well, that day had finally come and Edward couldn't even be embarrassed by the fact that his father had thought to buy something like this so long ago. He suspected that it was his father's subtle way of encouraging him to think about his options. But back then there were no options, not even the slightest possibility that he would want to talk to a girl—or anyone for that matter. It was a nice thought though, that maybe his dad had been confident that he would eventually find a way to open up one day and want to share something that had become such a part of his life. At the time though, Edward would have never been able to agree that it could be possible.  
Now he had Bella though, and he was ready to finally experience every fantasy that the potential of this sleeping bag had ever made him ponder.

"Ready when you are, Baby." He'd grinned upon his return.

Bella had taken in the sight of him as he tossed a pair of tightly rolled sleeping bags onto the sofa and began stuffing the last few articles of clothing he'd collected into the pack he'd designated for her. He'd found a dark green button down to put on and he had the sleeves cuffed halfway up his forearms.  
The contrast against his pale skin and the faded color of his jeans was wonderful enough, but the way the material stretched tight across his shoulders with each movement, made her heart quicken. If she didn't already know just how beautiful he was underneath his clothes she would swear that he'd never looked better. To top things off, he hadn't shaved since she'd done the honors that night in Seattle and he very nearly had a full beard at this point.  
She'd realized that his appearance was every bit the solitary mountain man that many would think he was, and at that moment Bella found the idea of having some claim to this gorgeous person absolutely thrilling.

Speechless in her excitement Bella just nodded and gathered up what she could to help carry everything out to the car, while he shouldered both of the packs as if they hardly weighed a thing.

On the ride over, Edward laid out a basic plan to get Bella's feedback and make sure she was okay with what he had in mind. He'd decided they should leave the car parked at his parents' and hike to the meadow from the opposite direction they'd taken the other day. It was a bit longer walk, but easier in a way, since the trail was wider and there were fewer obstacles to contend with. As he explained he pointed out that the reason they'd taken a different route the other day was that he didn't want to risk his parents or anyone else interrupting their ability to take their time and talk. And of course back then he didn't really know just how adventurous she could be, so the shorter the better just to be safe.

Since then she had mention the few times she and Alice had gone with some friends in college to a nearby nature park—one such instance landing her in the hospital for the afternoon after turning her ankle on a loose bit of rock she'd stumbled over. The discussion was short lived though, Edward too worked up over how irresponsible it was of her friends to let her actually walk back, instead of going for help, and Bella insisting that it was her own stubbornness at fault, since she was too afraid to be left alone long enough for the others to locate medical care.  
They'd both left the subject matter rest, realizing they each had a valid argument in that case.

In addition to the change of scenery Bella could look forward to thanks to the different approach, Edward also informed her that once they reached camp and could dump their supplies he had a beautiful lookout in mind that he'd like to show her if she wasn't too knackered from the initial walk.

"I've got plenty of adrenaline in reserve, Sweetheart. I'm so excited you'll probably have to tie me down at some point so that I'll stop moving."

He'd indulgently chuckled at her giddy outlook on the day, but he couldn't ignore the way her innocent _tie down_ comment stirred his blood and made him think of things he'd never in his life thought to consider.

When they pulled to a stop in the same spot his car had occupied a few hours before Edward had reached over and pulled a notebook from the glove compartment in front of Bella, not missing for a second how affectionately and how naturally she'd reached out to caress the hair on his forearm.

"It's still pretty early so well leave a note for Mom and Dad so they won't wonder why the car is here, but we're not." He explained, trying to control his crooked little grin, hoping that his response to the gesture wouldn't make her self-conscious.  
They were doing exceptionally well today, speaking often and openly about their desires and feelings in general; he certainly didn't want to mess with a good thing.

After he scribbled a few lines and folded the paper in half he passed it over to Bella and asked if she'd take it up to the porch while he started unloading the trunk. With a quick kiss she'd left to do his bidding and Edward took a deep breath to calm himself before exiting the car. He wasn't really sure that he should blame it on nerves exactly, but this was still quite an undertaking for him and it didn't take Bella very long to notice.

"Hey," she'd smiled upon her return. He smiled back and noticed with some amusement how she was wringing her hands together with uncertainly.

"So I was just wondering, if I totally suck at this whole hiking/camping/outdoorsy thing you're not gonna like me any less, are you?"

He pretended to think over his answer for a minute and saw a little hint of a smile slip from her expression.

"I know what you are doing." He informed her.

"Working?" she wondered.

"It always does." He promised, turning away from the car in favor of wrapping her in a tight hug.

"Are you warm enough?" he asked once they were a good ways into the tree line, the shade and lingering moisture from the previous day's rain making it seem much cooler.

"I imagine I'll be sweating like a mule before we get where we're going so I think I'm good."

"Thought that was Jasper's claim to fame." Edward laughed, even though he was still wondering if he should offer to let her have the jacket he'd slipped on just before setting out.

There wasn't much to consider though as his little joke had managed to spawn a rather amusing discussion about Alice and her many idiosyncrasies. They spent the next half hour chatting and laughing as a result, hardly noticing their surroundings or any of the strain brought on by the hike.

It was a while later that Bella realized, when they'd finally started to approach their destination, just how right Edward had been when he'd said it was an easier trail on this side of the meadow. She hadn't stumbled once or felt as though she was without direction. And she also noticed that though the sight she'd been greeted by the first time that Edward had brought her here was breathtakingly beautiful, from this angle it was even more spectacular.

She could see the stream she'd only been able to hear before, and the mountainscape in the distance appeared to be even more impressive.

"Come on." Edward had grinned taking her hand, leading her further into the sunlight.

"I can't believe it, but I think that somehow I actually managed to forget just how beautiful this place was." She'd mumbled, awestruck and still trying to absorb everything.

"I took me years before I finally stopped reacting that way," he informed her, "and it wasn't because I stopped seeing its beauty or that I got desensitized to it. I think it was because I finally realized that it wasn't going anywhere. It wasn't going to change or disappear. It became something I could count on."

Edward had already dropped his pack to the ground and was carefully helping to free Bella from her burden as well.

"Kinda like us." She mused, as she felt his strong hands immediately return, now gently massaging her shoulders.

"Exactly." He responded his lips coming down to taste the side of her neck, one of his arms wrapping around her waist from behind.

He didn't need to think about what he'd said or what sort of meaning Bella had recognized in his words. He was well aware of the parallels that could be drawn between his feelings for this place and their relationship. Here he was comfortable. Here he never felt lonely or unworthy. Here he was what he'd always wanted to be, but never felt capable of anywhere else. And it was exactly the same when he was with Bella.


	41. Chapter 41

A/N: *whistling innocently* ;)

Chapter 41

Bella had heard that a picture was worth a thousand words, and that certain experiences could be considered priceless, but until today she'd never been able to fully appreciate the real meaning behind either statement.

She understood now though.

Today absolutely everything was grabbing her attention as if she'd been living under a rock for the past twenty-one years. And though there wasn't a precise word count just yet, Bella seemed to be coming up with a new one every time she turned around, since there were so many sights and sounds and smells that she'd never been able to see or experience before; easily she'd be well beyond a thousand by the time this day was done, she had to figure.

The words she'd come up with so far were often simple and meant to describe their immediate surroundings, the distant view, and the weather; there were even words to describe the quiet sounds she could just barely hear when she and Edward would periodically fall into one of their many comfortable silences. The birds chirping high up in the tree tops, the gentle trickle of water flowing down the nearby stream, or sometimes it was a small creature scurrying through the dense underbrush—at least Edward had assured her it was a small creature; likely a chipmunk or squirrel, always something cute and harmless, never anything larger than a rabbit or creepy like a snake.

And then of course there were the words that she'd chosen to describe the elation she felt being here with Edward. She had words to describe her happiness and many to describe every last detail of his look, his smile, and most importantly his demeanor today.

The first time that it had really occurred to her that she was witnessing something out of the ordinary, and that there would be a need for all of these words, had been while she and Edward were taking the time to sit and relax for a few moments after arriving at the meadow, sharing a canteen of water and talking about what they would need to do now that they had reached what would be their campsite.

Edward had taken his jacket off by then and though he was doing nothing more than resting his hip against one of the rocks, which he'd chosen to set their backpacks on as they chatted, Bella found herself unable to stop staring.

She'd thought at one time that she was at least starting to get use to how outrageously good looking he was, but apparently she still had a ways to go.  
She still found that she was often surprised by how long his legs were and how well he seemed to fill out his clothing, no matter what his attire consisted of. And she loved seeing the array of unique hues that blended together in order to make up his delightful hair color—the sunlight today doubling the number of those she'd already managed to put a name to.

Likewise, Bella couldn't help but admire the way those old, faded jeans hugged his hips just right; and not for the first time, she also noticed how precise the knots in his shoelaces were and how her heart would flutter whenever she thought about those scuffed and worn boots he always wore. Oddly it was the same type of reaction her body had to seeing any indication of his happiness—his smile especially.

Bella had decided a while ago that his lips were perfection, the lower being just slightly thicker and fuller than the other. They were always smooth, never chapped and there was a wonderfully masculine paleness about their color; but most importantly she knew from personal experience that they tasted like heaven.  
One of her most favorite things as of late was feeling his smile against her lips whenever they'd kiss. It made watching any smile of his seem even better—more intimate.

But of course there was something else that she was seeing and wanting to describe today, and as it turned out it was the only thing that had managed to keep her from actually turning into the squishy mess of gooey goodness that had already taken over her insides. It was seeing with her own eyes just how calm and content Edward was in that moment.

It was a drastic change from the way he had seemed just prior to setting out on their hike, but more than that it was the first time she'd ever seen him so comfortable and confident for any sustained period.  
Even under the best circumstances Bella had always been able to recognize some aspect of his anxiety ever-present when they were together. It wasn't necessarily directed towards her in most cases as of late, but he was never really without some indication of his nervous habits. The only time she had ever noticed anything close to his current state being the night they'd been together in Seattle; and she'd almost been willing to consider that moment a fluke, or perhaps some sort of _out of body_ experience for them both.

Whatever it was that had provoked this shift in his demeanor today she didn't really care, since the picture he was presenting now showed a man that was truly in his element. Unexpectedly Bella found this new and intriguing side of him incredibly…_sexy_—a word she'd already multiplied several times in order to increase her ongoing count towards a thousand, since sometimes there was just no better one available.

Now of course, she'd seen a subtle glimpse of his potential from time to time, but until just recently the idea of Edward being so carefree and open had managed to unnerve Bella on occasion. Not that she'd ever really feared him in any way, or that she wasn't pleased to see him enjoy time away from his usual problems, but back then it had shown her another side of him that she wasn't sure exactly what to do with.

Now however, she had a few ideas.

"Ever set up a tent before?" he asked in response to her request that they get started doing…_something._

She smiled up at him through her lashes and gave a subtle shake of her head, while her fingers continued to tease the bit of skin she'd uncovered at his waistband.

Edward gently moved her hand up to his shoulder and bent to kiss her mouth, while wrapping a strong arm about her waist. It took several minutes at least before he finally relented, drawing in a deep breath.

"Bella, we have to behave," he pleaded though his words were strained, "for just a little while."

"Just for a little while." She agreed with a playful wink, as Edward not so discreetly had to adjust himself, while turning away to quickly un-strap the tent from her pack.

The more he'd talked about what all he thought they should do first, which included prepping most of the campsite, and what all they could do after, the more Bella wanted to get things underway, so she knew exactly what he was talking about. And besides, she wasn't kidding when she'd teased Edward about the ridiculous amount of energy she'd somehow managed to store up overnight. About to go crazy just sitting and watching the sunlight do such wonderful things to his complexion, Bella knew that if she didn't find a distraction and some way to burn off a little of this energy then she would eventually have very little control over whatever type of activity her body attempted to seek.  
Right now, it was all she could do to keep her hands to herself, and thankfully Edward seemed to understand, thus beginning the _experience_ part of their little adventure.

Bella had to admit that she was surprised yet undoubtedly pleased that he was so willing to let her participate in such a hands on manner once they got started.  
He'd carried the tent along with a few other items he'd pulled from his backpack over to the northern corner of the meadow and set everything out in front of her. He took time to go over how the set up worked and what the various tools were used for—even going so far as to explain why it was best to place the tent near the northern tree line, using it as a convenient windbreak, should the weather decide to not cooperate as they'd like.  
When Bella indicated that she understood he handed her a small hammer and helped to unroll their nylon shelter.

"All yours, Baby." He then grinned before going back to where they'd left everything else.

As it turned out Edward was Bella's favorite kind of teacher. He was thorough in his instruction but he didn't like to hover, instead leaving her to work independently until she might require some assistance. She enjoyed knowing that he believed she was capable, and at the same time she never felt like he was asking too much of her.

"So what are you going to be doing?" she had to wonder when he returned a few moments later with a what appeared to be a hatchet and something that looked like a really large pocketknife.

"If you've got this under control I was going to go ahead a cut some firewood so that it can start drying out."

She nodded her understanding, since he'd already gone over how important that would be if they were going to have a fire tonight. He promised that he'd only be a little ways up into the wood line if she needed anything before bending down to place an innocent little kiss on her forehead.

_Just for a little while_, she wistfully reminded herself, as she took and moment to watch him walk away.

By the time he returned again, Bella had managed to get all of the corners pegged down with the support rods assembled and fed through their appropriate tunnels as he'd instructed. Keeping him at the top her all time favorite teacher list, he'd been quick to praise her, immediately giving up the substantial armload of wood he'd gathered in order to help with the final task of bending and securing the supports so that the dome-like shelter would pop up in to place.

"It's perfect." Edward chuckled at her expectant look once the structure was standing.

He knew just how fulfilling it had been to accomplish something like this on his own once upon a time, and he wanted Bella to experience that kind of feeling for her self. He also liked the idea of being able to show her in some way that he recognized her strength and intelligence; but he would be lying if he didn't say that he'd also needed a few moments alone in order to get himself under control.  
His plan hadn't worked out so well however, considering that the brilliant smile gracing her lips upon hearing his positive assessment had made his heart flip and his stomach clench. Without another thought he took her hand and offered even further reward for her job well done.

"Are we done behaving for now?" she wondered through her labored breaths, Edward refusing to release her completely.

"Baby," he all but growled against her neck, "you have no idea…" His lips continued to taste her and his hands never stopped exploring, but he did his best to explain. He wanted her to know what it meant to him that she was willing to come here—that she'd wanted to.

His greatest love for most of his life was the time he'd spent out in the forest, or the desert, or in the mountains, but more specifically it was the time he'd spent here. And to be able to share that with her and to be able to see the way she was so obviously enjoying herself—thriving in much the same way that he always had, it was overwhelming.

"I think somewhere in the back of my mind I've always fantasized about a woman who knew their way around a campsite, but god help me I never thought it could be so damn sexy."

And he was telling her nothing short of the truth. From the moment she'd strapped on that backpack and they'd begun walking hand in hand through the woods he'd been salivating like a dog. Thankful for the light, playful conversation they'd stumbled upon, Edward had been reasonably confident that he could survive the morning without embarrassing himself, but the more he watched her the harder it had become to avoid temptation. Every smile and every giggle along with her questions and the way she kept looking at him with such admiration had finally been too much.

Or perhaps it was the words she'd spoken following his confession.

"Edward, can I see where we'll be sleeping tonight?" she moaned just as his right hand anchored itself to her backside.

Before she knew it he'd hoisted her into his arms and strode the short distance around to the front of the tent.

It wasn't the largest of tents and considering his height Edward had to crouch down almost to his knees so that he could duck through the open flap, but he never put her down and he never indicated that he couldn't handle her weight. And having her eyes closed thanks to the immense pleasure she felt there in his arms, his lips never leaving some part of her face, Bella was shocked to see their change of venue when he'd finally coaxed her into opening them.

The tent was mostly gray in color with a few red accents and markings here or there. Thanks to the brilliant sunlight they were enjoying this morning there was an orange-like tinge to everything inside, making it difficult to decipher whether or not that was a blush staining her boyfriend's cheeks. There was little time to analyze what she was seeing though, since he'd chosen to reach out and carefully remove her glasses soon after noticing her smile.

Sitting across his lap, as he was now seated with his legs stretched out in front of him, Bella found that she was affectively straddling his thighs when she turned to face him fully.

"This is cozy." She grinned, while toying with a bit of hair that persistently curled over the top of his ear.

"My home away from home." He chuckled, unconsciously leaning into her fingers as they continued tickling him.

His eyes were the ones to close this time, thanks to her gentle touch, and though he was enjoying the way she caressed his hair and continually placed lingering little kisses along his jaw, he was doubly pleased when eventually her free hand had cautiously come to settle upon his groin.

He wasn't capable of asking for her touch just yet; otherwise he might have already done so numerous times since that first experience, but his reluctance wasn't because he didn't crave it. He just felt like it was far too selfish a thing to ask for, having so little he could offer her in return just yet; but this morning as he was recalling memories from his adolescence he'd realized that there was more he could offer. And he didn't even have to break his promise in order to do so.  
This hadn't been his intention, but with his confidence ignited by her having made the first move, Edward decided that now was as good a time as any to try.

He wanted to tell himself that it was a side affect of the pleasure her touch had created, when he'd noticed how badly his hands had begun to tremble, but he knew better than that. So, finding her lips with his own he sought to calm himself for a moment.

Bella felt his body quaking but she'd really expected nothing less. Her memory of that night in Seattle was still fresh in her mind and the way his body had reacted to her touch, though it had surprised her then, pleased her all the same. The fact that he would respond in such a way again made her realize just how much he needed this—how much _she _wanted it.

"Bella," he moaned heavily as her fingers redirected their attention to his belt and then the button of his jeans. "Baby, I promise…I swear that I'll keep my promise, but I need you. I need more of you."

"You have me, Sweetheart." She never hesitated. She'd already promised him as much the night before, "All of me, whatever you want."

As soon as the words sank in Edward pulled down the zipper at her neck and grasp the bottom of her fleece top, pulling it up and over her head.

"Please tell me if I do something wrong." He whispered as his lips began to wander across the exposed skin of her upper chest, the prickly softness of his beard following in their path.

"Yes," was all she was capable of uttering, because in that moment she finally felt a tentative hand settle upon the outer swell of her left breast.  
It felt truly wonderful but was short lived as Edward quickly pulled away. Bella opened her eyes fearing the worst but what she found instead was a sight that she had no words to describe—so much for a thousand; she may as well start counting backwards at this point.

Edward looked at her with such longing and desire for half a beat before reaching to gently release her hair from the confines of her ponytail. He then removed his glasses and blindly tossed them into a corner of the tent, never breaking eye contact as he tugged his shirt off. He only looked away briefly as he used one hand to spread her fleece and his over shirt out, covering much of the space next to them.  
As he rolled to his right affectively lying Bella on the hastily created pallet he'd just devised, all he could seem to say was, "I love you."  
Bella just smiled sweetly to encourage him and eagerly surrendered control of the situation.

Edward had been thinking about this moment from the time his memories had decided to invade his dreams, and he'd been thinking of a way that he might be able to survive such a desirable undertaking. The only trouble was that he hadn't been expecting the opportunity to present itself so quickly nor did he expect that he'd be so willing to let this happen even if it did. All things considered, he was now stuck having to use the one and only option he'd come up with so far. Bella would have to help him.

Kissing her deeply as he stretched out beside her, his hand settling innocently against her abdomen, Edward once again sought her permission.

"Okay?" he simply asked in his usual timid way, as his hand descended, reaching for the hem of her tank top.

"I'm yours Edward. You don't have to ask." She assured him, taking his face in her hands as she begged another kiss from his lips.

When she released him she said one more thing and it was apparently what he'd been waiting to hear, though he had no idea how powerful the words would be.

"I trust you, Sweetheart."

His hand completed its mission only a few moments later, lightly making its way across the velvety softness of her stomach, his fingers loving every moment of their journey until he finally let the weight of his hand settle upon the supple shape of her breast.

The first thing he noticed was how she instinctively arched her back, placing even more of herself into his palm and how quickly he recognized the feel of her tightly pebbled peak as it greeted his touch. Giving her an experimental squeeze he found himself rewarded by the feel of her hand once again fondling his erection.

As she carefully explored his shape, he was gaining even more confidence, since her actions seemed to effectively distract him from the gravity of what he was actually doing. With this confidence he shifted his body closer and began to once again kiss and nuzzle the bit of her chest he could access as she was now, while his fingers sought to memorize every aspect of her beautifully taut nipple.

"Edward" she suddenly gripped him through his jeans, her body reacting to the unfamiliar contact without her permission.

"It's okay, Baby. I'm here." He offered, removing his touch for a moment so that she could settle, fearful that he'd somehow provoked the very response they were both afraid that this sort of activity might trigger.

His hand had moved to rest upon her ribs just beneath his desired location and he'd lifted his head to study her expression, though he could barely see through his unassisted eyes and the euphoric haze he'd drifted into.

"We can stop…" he was about to offer that he was alright and that they didn't need to move so fast. There was even an apology on the tip of his tongue, but before it could be verbalized Bella had grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him soundly. Letting go just as quickly she grabbed hold of her top and pulled it off before Edward could even open his eyes again.

"Please Edward," she begged, grasping not one but both of his hands, placing them exactly where she wanted them, atop the pale pink satin of her bra.

Edward had shifted to allow for the position she'd put him in, but he was now speechless and entranced by the fact that he was actually looking upon more of her body than he'd ever seen before. And despite his impaired vision her beauty had completely mesmerized him. The only thing that could make this better was when Bella had left his hands to their own devices, encouraging his lips and his beard to begin their exploration of her body once more.  
With her permission he lost himself in the pleasure of her softness and the freedom to kiss her in whole new ways; that is until her hands had decided he deserved a little more attention as well.

"Just to be safe." She teasingly informed him when he felt her fumbling around until she'd fully removed him from the confines of his pants.

Groaning heavily against her chest Edward reveled in the feel of her unobstructed touch, his instinct driving him to reciprocate. Without a second thought to her playful comment or his actions, he closed his mouth over the tip of her covered breast, letting his lips pinch and pull, while the fingers of her free hand dove lovingly into the tousled softness of his hair.

The sound she emitted as a result was enough to have him twitching within her grasp, forcing him to pull away and admire her, hoping it might distract his own reaction.  
Her eyes were heavily lidded and her chest was franticly working in time with her breathing; and god she was gorgeous—so much better than in his dreams.

"Take your shirt off." she whispered, letting her fingers trail along the rigid length of his penis, her grip having lessened when he'd pulled away to look at her, sensing somehow that they would both need to slow down if they had any desire to continue.

He grabbed the collar of his t-shirt without hesitation and tossed it away before settling next her once more.

"I want to feel you against me." Bella's shy, hushed voice told him then.

Edward felt like he knew exactly what she was talking about, but the words he wanted to say got tangled up in his throat before they could surface.  
Fortunately he and Bella had become fluent in various forms of silent communication, so with a meaningful look he tried to convey what he couldn't put into words. It was a plea for her continued trust and understanding, and it held the promise of his love. When he recognized agreement in her smile he let his hand come around behind her until he located the clasp of her bra. And thanking all that he could consider holy, Edward was relieved that conquering the contraption wasn't as difficult or awkward as one might assume.

"I'm not too cold, am I?" was his only worry when he saw her body shiver against his touch, his fingers attempting to move slowly as he guided one strap and then the other away from her shoulders.

"Just nervous." She whispered while taking hold of his hand kissing the tips of his fingers.

He wanted to give her an easy out, to tell her that it was okay if she wanted to stop, but his body wouldn't allow the words to come. He wanted this so badly. And as always she was there to reassure him before he could let his doubts get in the way.

"I love your hands, and I love that they feel cold. But most of all, I love you."

Her words were punctuated by her movement, skillfully pulling her arms free, leaving every inch of her upper body exposed to him as she tossed the last article that had inhibited his exploration aside.  
Feeling ten kinds of incoherent as he looked upon her perfection Edward lost himself in the feel of her body, pulling her to him, crushing their chests together as he claimed her lips in a passionate kiss.

It could have been minutes or hours for all they knew—perhaps days had passed as they touched and kissed and let their eyes wander over one another, but for all of their new discoveries Edward had kept his promise.  
He kissed and suckled her breasts, stroking her skin and raking his beard over every surface he could reach, from the top of her head right down to the button of her jeans, but he had refused to go anywhere beyond that just yet. And when her lips had tasted every inch of his upper body and she'd begun to approach where her hands still lovingly caressed his straining member he'd ended what had turned into an extremely satisfying start to this day.

The mere thought of her mouth coming in contact with him was just too much. Grunting her name to stall her progress, Edward swore and rolled to his back just seconds before erupting all over his stomach, a hand coming to rest over hers and still her movement.

_Priceless_, Bella mused watching Edward recover from the pleasure she'd been able to give him.

"Thank you" she whispered quietly next to his ear, after she'd slowly come to lie beside him once more.

"Thank you?" he wondered, still breathing heavily his hand again seeking hers, which was now toying with his chest hair.

"You make me feel so wonderful," her hand moved up so that her fingers could lightly stroke his beard, "and seeing you come undone…because of me…there are no words."

Edward was in full agreement; words had completely escaped him, and he was having the hardest time keeping his hands under control, the half naked love of his life lying there next to him, her breasts periodically brushing against his arm. But they both managed to persevere.

Eventually Edward reached for his discarded t-shirt to clean up the mess he'd made of his stomach. The movement made Bella look down from where she'd been resting her head against his shoulder and she saw the flaccid length of his penis now lying over against his leg.

Their activity had forced his jeans and the pair of boxer briefs he'd been wearing down below his hips, leaving every aspect of his body that she'd never fully seen before available for her perusal.

"You are truly beautiful, Sweetheart." She heard herself saying before she thought to censor her words.

Edward looked over and saw that she was studying him. Without conscious thought he let his eyes wander about her body as well and with his crooked grin taking over the smile he'd had in mind, he assured her, "Not nearly as beautiful as you."

Surprisingly, after a few more minutes of lying there together, enjoying the aftermath of new discovery, Edward and Bella were both feeling quite eager to move on with the rest of their day.

"So…umm…where exactly is the bathroom located?" Bella had to ask, finally breaking the silence.  
It certainly wasn't the most romantic topic of conversation she could come up with but it was the most urgent requirement she had before she could move on with anything else.

Fortunately Edward wasn't unnerved by her request nor was he insensitive or unprepared for the eventuality. Excusing himself for just one moment he shimmied his way back into his jeans and buttoned up, while crawling out of their shelter. Before Bella could miss him though he'd come back carrying with him both of the backpacks.

In the meantime Bella had retrieved her tank top and had slipped it back on—forgoing her bra, Edward was quick to notice upon his return.

"I didn't have the time or the means to come up with anything more convenient so I hope you don't mind using the trees, so to speak." Edward shyly explained as he dug around in one of the outer pockets of his pack.

Bella smiled, hoping to put him at ease once more, knowing all along what her limited options would be.

"If you enter the wood line just behind the tent and make a right, a few yards away it opens up into another little clearing. It's close enough to be safe, but it should still offer you some privacy." He explained, handing over a small bag that looked like a travel sized shaving kit.

Without waiting for further explanation, as Bella could tell this conversation could easily start to become uncomfortable for both of them, she thanked him with a kiss on his cheek and accepted the bag, crawling out of the tent to see to her needs.

When she'd located the clearing right where he'd said it would be Bella took a moment to open the kit she'd been given. Inside was a roll of biodegradable toilet paper, along with some moist wipes of the same material and a bottle of hand sanitizer. Thankful that he'd had the foresight to at least bring along such necessities Bella was happy to go about her business and clean herself up, before returning; feeling so much better now that the annoying, yet well-worth result of all their activity was no longer inhibiting her comfort.

"You're like the world's best boy scout, you know that?" she teased upon returning to find that he'd already started to re-gather their supply of firewood, arranging it in the best source of sunlight so that it could continue to dry out as the day went on.

He smiled happily seeing her return and offered that they could repack a few of their supplies and then maybe take that walk up to the lookout he'd had in mind, if she was up for it.  
Motivated by the possibility of another new experience Bella was quick to agree, helping him finish up the current task, and happy to see that he hadn't bothered to replace his shirt during the short time that she was away.

As it turned out repacking their supplies was quite easy now that the tent was available. Edward had merely dumped their clothes out of the smaller pack that Bella had worn and piled them into a corner, leaving the two water bottles, and adding to that a blanket, a pair of apples and a few trail bars from their supply of food.

Bella sat watching as he continued to throw a few more items in, marveling at his quiet efficiency. There was no doubt in her mind that he'd done this a time or two before and that he'd given this day a lot of thought.

"What's that?" she wondered, seeing him pull an old and battered tin case from one of the many outer pockets of his backpack, transferring it to the smaller one.

He chuckled a bit and showed her the contents of his old emergency kit. It hadn't been something he'd consciously gone looking for when he'd been rummaging through the old camping supplies in his father's garage this morning, but when he'd thought about his mom and what his agreement to carry it along had meant to her, he knew that it was something he wanted to take with him. The supplies inside had long exceeded their usefulness, but he always carried the basics along anyway. First thing this morning he'd transferred his first-aid kit and emergency gear to the old tin case, before packing it away with a rather nostalgic grin.

Edward tossed the case on top of everything and zipped up the pack after Bella had seen what was inside. Grabbing the over shirt he'd had on this morning and one of Bella's hands he'd encouraged her to come along as he began telling her about his mother's reluctant tolerance of his favorite hobby.

As he told her stories of being a boy and developing his love of hiking, Edward led Bella off in yet another direction, away from the meadow. He held her hand and carefully guided her past every obstacle they encountered along the way, stealing a kiss or two when the moment allowed. She loved that he hadn't bothered with another t-shirt today, the shirt he did have on hanging open for the most part, as he'd only bothered to fasten two buttons in his haste to be on their way. It allowed her a wonderful view of his chest and a sneakily gotten feel whenever he might hold her close. Little did she know that he'd sort of on purpose planned it that way.

As they got further from their camp the conversation morphed into any and everything one could imagine, from discussion about plants and animals they encountered along the way, to Bella's first attempts at riding a bicycle. They laughed easily and Bella thanked Edward often for his patience as they slowly traversed the narrow and rocky trail. He never let her go and each time she would tell him how wonderful he was for putting up with someone so clumsy he would simply kiss her and give her hand an affectionate squeeze.

It was a little over an hour later when Edward came to a stop and pulled Bella up to stand beside him. There in front of them, Bella saw that the trail had come to an abrupt end, the path giving way to a vast overlook of the nearby valley.

"This is actually the only natural boundary of Mom and Dad's land. To the south is the highway and east and west of here there are survey flags placed every few hundred yards by the county to mark the property line." He explained.

Bella nodded, as she looked over their surroundings in speechless wonder. There were well over a thousand words that had initially come to mind, but none of them seemed adequate. As a result she decided that the word count was still declining, because this view was absolutely indescribable.

"Edward," was the only thing she could mumble as he led her off to the right, making sure that her feet found as much stability as possible on the uneven rock face.

"Yeah, Baby?" he wondered setting the backpack he'd carried along aside, taking her into his arms. He smiled at her awed expression and kissed her tenderly.

"Beautiful isn't it?" he indicated the scenery over his shoulder.

"Can we live here? I don't even need a house; just a way to shower and a real bathroom would be good. We could totally live in the tent, we'd just have to move it closer to this view!"

"Don't think that I haven't considered it a time or two myself." He chuckled at her sudden excitement. "The only problem would be what to tell everyone. I mean, a nice normal girl like you, giving up everything to run off and live in the woods with a freak like me?"

"Edward, be serious," she scolded, swatting her hand against he delightfully firm chest, "this place is gorgeous. And for the record you are NOT a freak."

"I know, Baby." He promised with apology in his words.

He hesitated for a moment continuing to hold her as he was, his mind obviously mulling over what he wanted to say next. Without giving her any indication as to his thoughts, Edward had Bella help him spread out the blanket he'd packed along.

Due to lack of use the trail had grown up from what it had been when Edward had discovered it during his teenaged years, but thanks to the mountainous terrain there was still enough unencumbered space for the two of them to comfortably lounge, side by side at the cliff's edge.

"So I guess you agree that all of the walking and stumbling was worth it? I'm forgiven and all that?" he teased while handing her a bottle of water. She shoved his arm playfully and insisted that she'd never complain so long as they were doing this type of thing together. It wasn't even necessary to have such an amazing reward at the end.

She'd looped her arm around his now and had her head resting against his shoulder, enjoying the movement of his muscles underneath her touch and the spectacular view before them.  
He'd pulled out a pocketknife and had started cutting into an apple, offering the first wedge to Bella. As she took a bite of the fruit and licked away the juice, Edward did his best to refocus his attention, pointing out some things in the distance.  
Up and over to the left they could see a small section of a waterfall that feed the stream running along the edge of the meadow. Edward explained that this time of year it wasn't nearly as impressive as it would be in a few months when the snowmelt in higher elevations really got started, but the sight had impressed Bella nonetheless.  
Continuing to share their snack and enjoy the cool breeze coming out of the valley, Edward and Bella silently watched for any signs of life across the way. Edward had told Bella already of seeing all manner of wildlife from this very spot as a boy; everything from birds and deer, to the occasional bear or coyote wandered the cliffs of the nearby mountains from time to time.

"What are you thinking, Sweetheart?" Bella wondered eventually when the renewed silence seemed to stretch on forever.

She'd asked a question or two and he'd given her simple one word answers as she scanned the mountains through the set of binoculars he'd brought along, but for the most part Edward had become uncharacteristically quiet, as compared to the man he'd been for the majority of the day.

"I'm thinking about what you said before. About us living out here." He confessed with relative ease.

Bella turned her attention to him and saw his little grin attempting to shine. Though he didn't sound nervous she could tell that whatever he was truly thinking had him on edge.

"Well since we're on the subject, I'd like to add to my list of demands. The bathroom is a must if we'll be here long term, but I was also wondering how one goes about making coffee way out here. And I'm not so fond of sharing my space with bears; we'll need to put up some no trespassing signs or something if that becomes a problem."

She was obviously trying to calm him by making jokes, which Edward enjoyed immensely. He chuckled and told her that coffee was not a problem and he wasn't even talking about the crappy instant kind either; and on the subject of bears he promised that he'd keep her safe.

"They're a lot harder to miss than those pesky mountain lions."

"You go wrestling with bears and Alice will be the least of your worries, because I'm going to be the one kicking your ass if that happens." She warned in all seriousness, forcing them both to laugh.

When the humor of the moment had settled they drifted back into silence, Edward reaching out to take Bella's hand as they sat, once again enjoying the view.

"Were you serious before?" Edward finally spoke a while later, a tone creeping into his voice that Bella recognized as being uncertainty.

"About the bears? You'd better believe it, mister." She grumbled.

"No," Edward grinned at her playfulness, "I mean about us…you know, living together."

Bella turned to face him, unsure of what to expect. She could hear enough trepidation in his voice to know that he wasn't joking and that he was concerned about what type of answer she might give him. Seeing the look in his eyes when she'd finally let her gaze fall upon his face, Bella's heart melted into a puddle somewhere near her liver.

"I umm…I don't know. Are you asking if I would want to…uhh? What are you asking, Sweetheart?" she was lost trying to decipher what kind of response he wanted.  
They were already, for all intents and purposes living together, so was his concern about what would happen when he moved into his own place—was this some sort of invitation? Or was this merely information he sought to better understand their potential future?

"I guess it just occurred to me when you spoke of us, you know, living here…together, the word _we, _it just sounded so natural and well…right." Edward nuzzled the back of her hand that he was still holding onto, restlessly toying with her fingers as he did so. "I know it's still so soon, but I'm having a hard time picturing us apart. Especially now with all we've come to enjoy."

He didn't have to mention the late night chats, the tea before bedtime, or the easy routine that breakfast in the mornings had become; and certainly he didn't have to say that he'd miss holding her in his arms as they drifted off to sleep each night, and how they each looked forward to waking next to one another. Bella understood his statement and then some.

It would be difficult to backtrack from where they'd already been, but what alternative did they really have? Wasn't it too soon, as he'd speculated, to take such a step? The concept of dating and being in a relationship was still so new and overwhelming for the both of them at times, making Bella wonder if it was wise to consider such a thing just yet.

"It's certainly something to think about." She offered, unsure of how else she might address the issue—unwilling to lie and say she though it was a _bad_ idea, but unsure of what the best course of action actually was.

"Yeah." He quietly agreed, staring out into the distance.


	42. Chapter 42

A/N: Adventures in camping…Part 2 :P

Chapter 42

He was awake but he was reluctant to let her know just yet. He was too busy enjoying the sight of her sitting there beside him, reading the old, rumpled paperback he'd rescued from his backpack for her entertainment, as her free hand lovingly traced a nonsensical pattern across his chest, tucked inside the folds of his open shirt as it was.

Although they'd found themselves in this position a time or two before there was something unique about her reading through one of his naps out here in the meadow. It was comfortable and familiar as always but it made him realize just how _easy_ everything had finally become.

It was a wonderful discovery considering that the day could have gone a hundred different ways after Edward had decided to haphazardly delve into the possible future of he and Bella's relationship, but happily things were moving along rather smoothly—something that might have been more of a surprise had Edward not already come to expect the unexpected in terms of his personality and behavior as of late.

It was complicated, but he knew that the feelings and responses he'd once been so prone to having in certain situations were no longer a given; and as a result he never really knew how he might react when faced with anything out of the ordinary. So it would stand to reason that what could have easily sent him into a panic a few weeks ago now seemed to be of little concern to him, and various things that he'd never had to consider before could comfortably occupy his thoughts with surprisingly little negative affect.

It was a relief to be sure, but he wasn't so use to these changes that he'd started to become complacent by any means. He knew that he would continue to wonder or worry over things more often than most, but he was thankfully able to enjoy a far more relaxed approach to certain concerns—those involving he and Bella being the most important.

Their most recent discussion of any consequence had turned into a prime example of this phenomenon. As soon as the thought had crossed Edward's mind he'd given it a few moments of consideration, he'd asked Bella's opinion of the matter, and he'd let it go when she'd started to seem overwhelmed by the prospect.

He looked up again and watched Bella's eyes wandering over the pages as she read them and smiled remembering how wonderful it had felt to talk things through, to listen to her reasoning and to make his feelings known.

At the time there had been a brief pause, where apparently Edward had begun counting in his head; he remembered, because he knew that exactly six minutes and thirty-two seconds had passed, since the last time that he or Bella had spoken.

It wasn't a very common habit of his, but there were those extremely rare times in his life when he could recall having little or nothing of consequence on his mind, and during those times his brain never seemed too happy to be without a challenge; as a result he would count, and then he would calculate, and then he would count some more.

At the time he didn't understand why he'd subconsciously felt the need to start such a random mental exercise, when he obviously had more than enough on his plate to keep every neuron in his skull firing at their peak for weeks on end.  
And though his mind had decided to keep itself busy with trivial matters during their short bout of silence, Edward couldn't focus on the what or why, after realizing that he'd completely dropped a subject that only six minutes and thirty-two seconds before had seemed to be of the utmost importance to him.  
It meant that when Bella had addressed him once more, in her calm, comforting way, Edward was unprepared for how happy her willingness to talk things through would make him.

"You know, Jasper and Alice have been together a long time." She'd simply stated.  
"I was sure that after graduation they were going to start talking about moving in together, or possibly more, since it seemed like the only reason they hadn't gone in that direction before was thanks to commitments with school or Jasper's intern program.  
But Alice explained to me one day, when I had asked her why Jasper wasn't coming over, that they were both in need of some _'me'_ time. I was good with that and I didn't really think that she would go into any further detail—but you know Alice."

Edward thought about how Bella had glanced over and how she must have seen that he was smiling in agreement, patiently waiting for her to continue. She'd smiled as well and took hold of his hand, since she'd obviously noticed how his fingers were starting to become restless, fiddling with a small fold in the blanket they were sitting on.

When he'd given her hand a little squeeze of thanks Bella went on to tell him that Alice enjoyed her independence just as much as she enjoyed Jasper's attention. And how that afternoon she'd painted a picture of their relationship and why it worked so well for them, including mutual likes and dislikes, hobbies and interests, and she'd also gone on to list a whole slew of reasons why a separate living arrangement was best for them—at least for the moment.  
She'd spoken of a need to grow and experience things for herself and she talked about how much Jasper enjoyed _dating.  
_Apparently they both worried that whenever they might decide that it was time to cohabitate that some of the spark and spontaneity would diminish. Surprises would be harder to come by and just the simple concept of saying goodnight and sharing one more laugh and begging one more kiss before they went their separate ways would be a thing of the past.

"At the time I could never see myself being in a relationship and I sort of chalked the whole conversation up to being one of Alice's mini-lectures—meant to make herself feel better about something that was on her mind, and at the same time, educating me on the things I wasn't so familiar with."

She had to have heard the little snort of amusement escape as Edward thought about what she was telling him. He knew that Alice was very well meaning and that she loved Bella, but the idea of his sister _educating_ his girlfriend about anything seemed rather absurd.

"I tend to trust that Alice tells me the truth, but I remember thinking that it just didn't make sense. If it was me and I had a guy like Jasper, and there weren't any extenuating circumstances that prevented it, I wouldn't want to be away from him if there was an alternative."

"You and I differ a lot from them." Edward remembered feeling compelled to say.  
"We've already grown and matured individually and our being together only seems to stimulate the process rather than hinder it."

"We have time, Edward." Bella had finally gotten to the point, seemingly encouraged by his comment.  
"I don't want to be away from you anymore than I have to be, but living in a different house for a while doesn't mean we won't be together. Neither one of us has what would be considered a normal job; so we don't have to worry about work getting in the way. And your new place is only a short drive away. You and I can see each other as much as we want and there isn't any rule that says we can't stay together occasionally."

Her expression had been so hopeful that Edward didn't see any way that he could dispute what she was trying to say. In fact he was in complete agreement with everything she'd pointed out, making the only thing left for him to do rather obvious. He had to allow her the privilege of his point of view.

"We can wait a while, Baby. I certainly don't mean to rush things." He'd felt uncharacteristically relaxed and rather composed as he was speaking, but that was a good thing.  
"I just want you to know that I'm ready when you are. I've been alone for too long and since I've met you I don't really see the appeal anymore. I can hardly imagine having to survive a day stuck at home without you."

He'd moved closer as he spoke and placed a light little kiss against her cheek, craving some sort of contact to strengthen his courage.

"Bella, I'm not use to all of these feelings, but you…you make everything so much easier—better. I'm not going to push for it, but I'm not going to say that it isn't what I truly want either. I can't see myself without you anymore and I can't pretend that I don't need you."

There was a pleading tone to his voice—he could hear it, but Bella seemed to focus on the fact that he was unusually calm, despite the urgency of his words.

"I want you with me, Baby. But you're right; we don't have to rush.  
"Between moving, unpacking and getting settled into the place, not to mention my getting back to work, I probably won't have much time to feel very lonely anyway. All the same, you've got an open invitation, any time you feel ready."

Bella had silenced him with a kiss. It was a gentle reminder of the way she loved him—innocent yet passionate.

His lips still tingled at the memory and he couldn't help the happy little rumble of contentment that vibrated in his chest.

Bella looked down and flashed a very knowing smile at his suddenly sheepish expression, apparently pleased to see that he was awake indeed.

"I still wish I knew exactly what triggered this type of response." She mused, while flattening her palm against his sternum.

"You." Edward told her in a voice still heavy with sleep, "It's only for you, Baby."

The combination of his morning voice making a late afternoon appearance and the loving words he's spoken made Bella toss the book aside in favor of adjusting her position so that she could lie down beside him. He turned to face her and immediately nuzzled into the warmth of her body.

It was getting cooler as the day wore on and though a nice bit of cloud cover had rolled in a few hours ago, Edward could tell that they would be making use of some body heat in order to sleep comfortably tonight, which was certainly fine by him.

"What time is it?" he whispered, in between the soft kisses he'd begun to liberally distribute over her neck and shoulders.

"You tell me." She giggled, challenging him to impress her once again.

Edward nibbled at her earlobe and enjoyed the way her entire body shivered against him as payment for such a request.

He was still shy about many things, and boasting talents or knowledge of no particular value to most people was something that he had yet to become very comfortable with. They'd already talked about this today, but it would seem that Bella wasn't going to let him pretend that he couldn't impress her if he wanted to. And somehow she knew that he actually wanted to.

It had all started when Bella had asked if they might be able to go and see the waterfall up close, after their moment at the lookout had dissolved into an understanding embrace, prompting a change of location.

Feeling good about the outcome of their talk, Edward had taken the opportunity to show her some of the other things he'd been so excited to share with her today.

Handing over the compass from his emergency kit, he had explained how it worked and how one could calculate their position based on their relation to magnetic north. With that in mind he'd left Bella to lead the way after giving her some basic coordinates to find, so that she might be the one to guide them to their next destination.

She was quite fascinated by the instrument and even more so by the ease with which it pointed out their direction, now that she understood how it worked, and she was quick to tell him so.  
Absorbed by the task of keeping them on track, he'd made sure that Bella never had to worry that she might steer them wrong or that she might stumble over herself, preoccupied as she was. He'd kept a single finger threaded through one of her belt loops, or several tucked into the back pocket of her jeans for the duration of the hike. It was a tangible reminder of their connection and Edward couldn't help but smile about how easy it was to initiate such contact—finally.

Though the lookout and Bella's reaction to seeing it had been a glorious sight to behold, her suggestion of visiting the waterfall had proven to be a fortuitous one.  
Just as they were about to emerge from the dense foliage that had covered their trail, Edward stepped closer and carefully wrapped an arm around her to slow her movement.

The cascading water was gentle, but made enough noise to drown out most other sounds—that is unless you knew what to listen for.

He could tell that Bella knew what his change of position had meant and she knew to stay quiet as he took the lead, pointing out a small herd of elk that had obviously come to drink from the stream.  
Without a word, Edward had led them off to the right, circling around until they had a better view.

He pointed out that there were three adult females and two fawns to make up the herd and though relatively docile considering their great size, Edward explained that it was best not to spook them, as you could never tell what direction they might retreat; not to mention, considering the young they had present, you certainly didn't want to test the protective nature of a mother.

He hadn't even thought to hide his knowledge and it had never occurred to him that she would find his whispered narration boring or unnecessary. He could see her excitement and given his own, he just couldn't contain the words.

They stayed hidden by the underbrush for a long while just watching, communicating in silent smiles or curiously gestures until the animals had decided to move on.

"Okay smarty pants, how the hell did you know those things were there? I know you're taller than me, but there's no way you could have seen them as far away as we were when you stopped me." Bella had playfully demanded once Edward had taken her hand and led her out into the little clearing.

"I heard them." He'd chuckled in response.

Bella raised an eyebrow at that and had glanced over her shoulder at the steady flow of water, as it not so quietly met up with the pooling mountain stream. Edward had gotten the hint and went on to explain that the waterfall had a distinct sound, which didn't include the splashing noises an animal would make. He also picked up a small bundle of fur he'd found at the base of a nearby tree.

"This is really what did it though. It hasn't been warm enough for very long, so most of the animals are still shedding their winter coats. Elk tend to rub up against things in order to help the process along. An animal that big can't exactly go about something like that without making a little noise."

"It's like walking around with National Geographic along to narrate." She'd teased.

Her radiant smile and the way she took everything in with such obvious enjoyment had allowed Edward the ability to laugh along with her rather than become overly self-conscious about his random knowledge, but it still unnerved him that he couldn't seem to control his actions.

"Maybe." He'd shyly conceded, his hands tucked into his pockets and his head bent in a bashful posture.

"How is it that a grown man can be so ridiculously adorable?" Bella wondered aloud for his benefit.  
He knew that she loved that side of his nature and she liked to remind him of it whenever the opportunity came about. He hadn't meant to fall into his old way of reacting to such things, but Bella had made it seem okay.

"You would prefer that I wasn't?" he'd stubbornly inquired, while she managed to snuggle into an embrace.  
One of her hands had wrapped around his waist and the other immediately sought the warmth of his chest as Bella looked up at him with an indulgent grin.

"I just worry that there might come a day when I'll need to resist, but with such a powerful weapon at your disposal I'm worried that I won't be able to."  
Her fingers lightly traced the outer edge of his expression and she was presented with a crooked little smirk. He'd felt his lips curling into the playful position, but like his previous reaction he'd seemed to have very little control over either.

"You're safe with me, Baby." He'd then promised with all sincerity.

They'd agreed that neither of them knew how or why they continually seemed to be falling into such intense conversation today—playful or otherwise, but they had to assume that it was a necessary part of their growing process. Unfortunately, it was also exhausting.

After Bella had gotten her fill of the waterfall, Edward had started to lead the way downstream and back to the meadow. In order to keep himself awake and alert, he'd stopped about halfway back to unlace his boots. When Bella had asked what he was doing he'd simply smiled and told her, "creek walking."

"Oh my god! It's so cold!" Bella had laughed after determining that she wanted to join him rather than walk along the bank by herself. To further add to her comical outburst, she'd hopped around and desperately clutched Edward's arm as if he could save her from the water she'd willingly stepped in to.

It was a smooth bottom for the most part in this section of the stream, but as Edward finally calmed his laughter and started to lead the way again he'd encouraged Bella to follow in his exact path so that she might avoid tripping over hidden rocks or other obstacles, shortening his stride to accommodate her.

When he'd decided to walk along in the edge of the stream it had been in an effort to revive himself and work through the fatigue that his early morning was attempting to force upon him, but he hadn't counted on how much fun it would be to watch Bella enjoy yet another aspect of his usual outdoor adventures.

If his honesty was lacking he might deny the fact that he loved how she had kept a hand on him at all times for the sake of balance and how her laughter went straight to his heart. And in that moment, no matter how he might try to convince himself that Bella would want to indulge his preferences just to make him feel better, there was no way to dispute that she was truly into this, and that she _wanted_ to be here with him.

"Mmmy ff…feet are fro…ozen." She'd giggled through chattering teeth, when Edward eventually steered her out of the shallow water and pointed out the way the trees were giving way to the openness of the meadow as they'd approached it.

"Nothing to worry about. I'll have you a fire going in just a few minutes and I'll even show you how we go about making coffee out here." Edward had promised, wrapping her up in a nice warm hug.

He didn't miss how her feet weren't the only things obviously feeling the cold, but he had been trying to remain a gentleman and behave. Especially since, thanks to his own cold feet, the one part of he body that would usually protest such an undertaking had very little to say on the matter.  
Feeling like he should capitalize on the increasingly rare opportunity to show her how much he cared in a completely nonsexual manner, Edward had tossed the backpack he wore further away from the bank and unbuttoned his shirt the rest of the way, pulling it off and placing it around her shoulders. And of course, he couldn't help but smile at how she'd immediately tucked her nose into the folds of material, taking in his scent and the lingering body heat that remained.

"I like how my clothes seem to make you so happy." He'd teasingly told her, kissing the top of her head, while he began to rub his hands up and down her back and her arms in an effort to warm her even further, while Bella placed her own kiss against his fully exposed chest and tugged on one of his hands, encouraging him to follow her back to their campsite.

Edward had wasted no time in indicating the best place to set up their fire and pulling the blanket they'd used at the lookout from the pack, he spread it out once more, before ducking into the tent to find a few other things. When he'd returned he found Bella seated on the blanket hugging her knees up to her chest.

Her ordinarily pale complexion had a new vibrancy from their time spent in the sun and the physical exertion of walking so much.

"Come here, Beautiful." Edward had encouraged, moving to her side—his endearment and his tender smile conveying far more than any other combination of words he might have considered anyway.

He lovingly went about drying her feet with a towel he'd found, gently rubbing the warmth back into her toes. He then slipped her woolen socks into place, massaging each of her feet in turn, until Bella looked positively euphoric.

"Don't go anywhere." He then whispered through a lingering kiss.

"What, no rubbing two sticks together or some other neat trick to get things going?" Bella had wondered as she watched Edward pull a lighter from his pocket after he'd expertly arranged a small supply of their firewood nearby.

"I just figured this way would be faster." He'd grinned, "Can't have my girl freezing to death on me while I try to impress her with my woodsman abilities."

"Hypothetically then, in a perfect situation—no frozen girlfriend to consider, how many ways can you start a fire?" she'd wanted to know.

"Never thought to count." He had to shrug in his predictably humble way.

After he got a small bundle of moss alight and situated properly under the kindling he'd brushed off his hands and settled back to sit beside her.

"Anything that will create a spark is useful. I keep a flint and steel, and usually an extra battery in my supplies in case the lighter dies or my matches get wet. I've tried the sticks but it's generally a pain in the ass. You've got to have just the right conditions and it tends to take forever." He'd glanced over to find that Bella was pleased to hear him actually acknowledge his considerable know-how for a change.

"What's that, like five?" he went on to laugh rather humorlessly.

She'd laughed along with him, hers sounding far more genuine, while she rubbed her hand lovingly across his back.

"You shouldn't try and hide how smart you are. Not from me anyway." She kindly informed him then, obviously hoping that her statement would be seen as a request. "There's so much that you can teach me, and I really like to learn."

"Habits." He'd sighed, knowing that she would understand.

He knew that there was no need to hide his true self from her, but for so long he'd remained silent as a way to protect his fragile ego from the opinion of others that it was still difficult to let his guard down in every aspect, knowingly or otherwise. He knew that things were changing, but he wished that he had more control over this process.

"Well I happen to love you, and your habits."  
Bella had acknowledged him with a wink and kissed the curve of his shoulder. He'd thanked her for her encouraging words and they'd once again moved on.

Eventually, with the fire blazing away, Edward set up an odd contraption made of aluminum rods that reminded Bella of the supports she'd assembled while pitching the tent. When he'd finished the task he then produced an old-fashioned percolator and several other pieces of cookware; most of which were collapsible and seemingly made of tin.

He never hesitated to explain their uses and the convenience their unique design allowed, while he went on to tell her about the meal he hoped to prepare for them tonight and that it would take a while to cook.  
As he set water on to boil and assembled their coffee pot, Bella eagerly asked questions and insisted on helping do whatever she could.

That had been a few hours ago now, just after he'd started to notice his inability to stop yawning every few minutes. Bella had noticed it as well, forcing him to officially admit his early rise time today and his ever-growing fatigue.

"What will you do while I take a nap?" He had stubbornly challenged, not wanting her to become bored out here alone, if he were to fall asleep.

"I'll be fine. Maybe I'll have a nap as well." She'd insisted, but he knew better than that.

Edward had come to know a lot about Bella and certain behaviors that would indicate her moods. At the time she had been anything but sleepy, her energy level from early this morning having hardly faded at all.

"It's too bad I didn't pack along something to read." She'd finally conceded when she could tell that he didn't see much likelihood in her previous idea.

And just like that, a solution had presented itself.

"I've heard of the author, but I've never read anything by him." Bella had smiled after Edward handed over a well-read book he hadn't bothered removing from his backpack this morning.

He didn't know why he'd left it, but his sleep-deprived body was thankful for the opportunity it had been able to offer.

"Have you watched any of the movies? John Wayne starred in a few of the more popular ones." He wondered as Bella turned the book over in her hands to read the back cover.

She shook her head while telling him that Charlie liked to watch an occasional western, but that she wouldn't know the name or writer of any of them she might have seen.

"My grandpa had collected pretty well every book Louis L'Amour had ever written, at least up until he died. I sort of inherited them when I moved into the cabin. He seemed to have kept most of them there."

Bella had smiled and quietly began to read the book's summary aloud. There was action and romance, horse thieves and Indians, even an innocent young maiden and a dashing stranger bent on stealing her heart.

"Certainly sounds like something worth reading." She'd promised.  
It was a genuine sentiment but he had no way of knowing just how much she appreciated that he always went out of his way to provide whatever she might desire if it was within his power to do so. It successfully added another layer to the many ways he sought to show her his love and devotion—mission accomplished.

And that was how he'd left her in favor of a few hours of sleep.

She had stretched her legs out, her feet toward the warmth of the fire, encouraging Edward to take advantage of her lap for a pillow. She'd then begun to read for him.  
He loved the sound of her voice anyway, but hearing her read the words he was already so familiar with was amazing. She paid careful attention to the author's punctuation, pausing when appropriate, and the tone of her voice had a distinct way of changing to convey the desired emotion. He would have been happy to lie there and listen to her for hours, but the calming nature of her voice had lulled him to sleep before she'd even reached the third page.

Edward sighed heavily now as he rolled away and looked up at the sky.

"May as well see how close I can get." He offered, moving his arm so that she could see his watch as he estimated the position of the sun.

He'd never told her he had any such ability, but it didn't surprise him that she would assume, or that she would ask him to show her at this point.

He adjusted his glasses to reduce the glare and used his free hand to further shade his eyes.

"5:14."

He didn't state the answer as if he were questioning whether he was right or not. There was instead an amused confidence about the way he'd offered his guess.

"You cheated." Bella chuckled in disbelief.

"I guessed." He corrected, with a gentle laugh. "It's not an exact science, you can estimate within fifteen or twenty minutes in most cases, but without a sundial or some other instrument to help, guessing is about all you can do."

"Are you sure?" Bella playfully wondered.

"Well that, and in a pinch I need all of fifteen minutes to get back to my parents' place from here. The way the sun sits right now is a very familiar sight to me in this meadow. It tells me that I'd better get my ass moving if I want to make it home in time for dinner." He winked.

Bella had insisted on returning his shirt before he'd stretched out to take his nap, exchanging it for the fleece top she'd worn this morning; so when she'd rolled on top of him, wanting a kiss, he was pleased to feel the soft warmth of her garment against his cool, bare skin.

"What else are you capable of that I don't know about yet?" she wondered, while enjoying the feel of his strong arms wrapping securely around her.

"Would you settle for a 'you'll see'?" He grinned against her lips.

And she would see.

After a cup of coffee that Bella decided was twice as good as anything she'd ever had, Edward had served up a hearty stew for their supper, the likes of which Bella would have never imagined someone being able to make from the supplies she'd seen as he'd unpacked them.  
It consisted of beef jerky that he'd reconstituted in water, with dried beans to add some starch and texture, along with a few cans of store bought vegetable soup; the whole meal was then served over a plate of parboiled rice.

Again, if he was looking to impress, he'd managed to succeed and then some.

Later as they drank a bit more wine and chatted about the day in general and some of the important things they were looking forward to later in the week, Bella happened to notice that Edward had yet another pot of water sitting over the fire.  
They'd already washed up the dishes and cookware in the stream, but Bella must have missed whenever he'd put this pot back on the heat when she'd had to excuse herself to go and visit the trees after their meal.

Before she could ask what it was for, Edward had crawled into the tent again, taking advantage of the brief lull in their conversation. When he returned this time, he had his ipod in hand and a tiny set of speakers.

"Got any requests?" he wondered as he laid down next her on his belly and began scrolling through his music.

She didn't have to think about her choices too long. She'd come to love the soothing sounds of his piano collection.  
Immediately relaxed by the music, and with a little help from the wine she'd consumed, Bella never hesitated to roll onto her back staring up at the sky. She could see that the stars were starting to become visible thanks to the rapidly fading daylight and it made her wonder aloud, "You don't suppose it will rain, do you?"

"Nah, the cloud cover should help to keep some of today's warmth with us for a while but I don't see any indication of rain." Edward informed her, his reluctance to showcase his knowledge of such things finally beginning to fade as well.

Humming softly along with the music, Bella felt Edward's movement but she was far to comfortable to open her eyes. That is until she felt him pick up her left foot and gently resume the massage he'd given her earlier this afternoon, after returning from their hike. She hummed in appreciation now, and was barely able to stifle the moan of pleasure that had lined up, ready to voice her opinion, when he slowly pulled her socks away allowing his fingers to work their magic more affectively.

"It'll be dark soon." He quietly informed her, just as her body was threatening to shutdown.

"Is there much more we should do before then?" she asked just as quietly, noticing how he'd come to lay beside her once more, his head propped up against his fist.

"It might be best to wash up and change before it gets any cooler, if you want to."

He didn't miss Bella's surprised expression or the hopeful look in her eyes at the prospect of washing. It made him smile at how easy she was to please and how she would have likely gone through the night without complaint had he not offered her some way to bathe.

"I can umm, rig something up so you'll have a bit of privacy if you want, or I could uhh…"

"Edward." Bella interrupted with an understanding quality in her tone. She told him that his shyness always seemed to come about when she least expected it these days, but he was quick to assure her that he'd noticed that too.

"I imagine there's some sort of trick to this bathing out of doors," she decided, rather than insisting on any of the options she felt sure Edward had considered. "I might like a little help if you'd be willing."

His face was threatening to turn the same color as the flames licking up around the pine log he'd recently tossed onto the fire, but Bella was liking this idea too much to let him deny her the pleasure. Their time spent in the tent this morning, getting acquainted with one another in bold new ways, was obviously still on her mind.

"Are you sure?" he managed to choke out through a nervous breath.

His goal had been to impress her, make her see what he was _capable_ of, but he'd foolishly forgotten to consider just how willing she might be to go beyond what he'd initially had in mind—his gentlemanly stance having thoroughly taken over during the past several hours.

He looked into her eyes however and saw that she really wanted this.

Recalling how they'd been able to talk so openly about their individual thoughts and concerns earlier in the day up on the lookout, Edward knew that he would never deny her the chance to voice her opinion or explain her needs.  
He remembered whispering the depth of his affection as he promised her things that he'd never thought himself capable of; further solidifying the changes that he'd started to notice in himself.  
Edward had promised to be there for her, always. He told her how he wanted to listen and understand, and that he would strive to show her in every way possible how special she was and how much he appreciated her presence in his life. Every promise had been punctuated by a kiss and every word he said had been eagerly accepted.

He finally grinned for her, his body visibly relaxing as he placed an innocent kiss upon her lips, thinking of how she had smiled up at him following those many pledges.

She hadn't needed to but she'd gone on to explain that if she didn't have her father, or her friend or even her therapist to think about, she would gladly say to hell with the normal constraints of society and move in with Edward the moment he had a set of keys to his new home. But unfortunately that just wasn't the way her mind worked.

Alice had eluded to it more than once—Bella and her people-pleasing gene.

She informed him that she didn't know how to turn it off, but that was only because she didn't understand that Edward had always considered this one of her most endearing traits, something he would never fault her for adhering to. In fact, by considering his offer and finding it hard to ignore the many reasons why they might need to wait, it had shown Edward yet another positive change to his overall demeanor.

He hadn't felt the slightest hint of rejection and he hadn't jumped to some far-fetched conclusion about why she would choose to deny him. Instead Edward found himself wanting to give this to Bella. Whatever she wanted was important, and if her desires didn't match up just right with his then that was okay. It didn't mean that she wasn't in love with him, or that she didn't want to be with him. It just meant that she wanted some time, and that was easy enough to grant.

Watching her now as she sat up and removed her fleece top, Edward knew that he would happily grant her even more. Whatever she wanted.


	43. Chapter 43

A/N: I know that if I were Bella I wouldn't be in any hurry to return to civilization, so I thought I'd give her one more chapter with Edward out in the meadow.  
This outing was always meant to be a chance for them to experience new things, but fortunately by expanding and exploring it a little more, it has also become a bridge that will lead us towards some later developments. Hope you like where we're headed. :)

Chapter 43

"Hey there, Dr. Cullen. How've you been?"

"Better than average." Carlisle grinned while reaching a hand out to greet Thomas Meyer, the young man who Esme trusted to inspect all of her potential real estate transactions before a deal became final, and also the husband of one of Port Angeles' finest nurses.

"So about the same as usual then?" Thomas chuckled.

Carlisle nodded with another happy smile.

It was no secret that he always liked to look for the bright spot in any situation, and as a result Carlisle was usually considered the happy-go-lucky type; but even he couldn't ever recall smiling so much as he had in recent times, and never more so than the evening that he and Esme had ventured over to Alice and Bella's to give everyone the good news regarding this house.

Still smiling for Thomas, while going on to exchange a few general pleasantries, he found himself remembering how he'd barely made it through the front door that afternoon before Esme had pounced, nearly strangling him in her enthusiasm—not that he'd minded at all. In fact, she'd been talking and gesturing so fast that he'd had to kiss her for a good two minutes in order to quiet her rambling—again, not that he had minded at all.  
Afterwards, when she was finally able to catch her breath, she'd gone on to tell him about the deal she had managed to negotiate for the house that Edward had been interested in, and how awful it had been, waiting for him to get home so that she could share the news.

Of course she hadn't wanted to tell Edward over the phone, and she certainly wouldn't say anything to Alice before she'd been able to tell him first. But then, she'd thought about how wonderful it would be to tell her husband before anyone else, so that they might be able to tell Edward of his good fortune together. The only downfall to this plan was that she knew that Carlisle was notorious for getting home late whenever he had to work towards the end of the week, as he was never willing to leave before everything had been handled; and apparently it was complete and utter torture to have this kind of news and be unable to tell _someone_.

Carlisle didn't blame his wife one bit for her excitement though, as he had been just as eager track down their son and hopefully everyone else in the process so they could begin celebrating. And the next bit of news, that they had already been invited over to the girls' house for dinner, only magnified his enthusiasm.

As suspected it had been a fun evening—very eye opening in fact.  
He and Esme had both been enthusiastic about the idea, but neither one of them had been prepared for just how wonderful it would be to see Edward so cozy and at home with Alice and Bella.  
For him at least, that was most likely because he would never forget the day that Edward had finally come to him, and how he'd been able to see the level of conflict plaguing his son so clearly.

It was hard enough to grow up feeling so unsure of one's self and living so long without the benefit of human interaction; now knowing such happiness and fulfillment with a companion like Bella, Edward's father had hated to think that he was still suffering from worries and concerns that were likely unnecessary.  
Love and affection, and eventually sex, were all acceptable and expected parts of a healthy, mature relationship, but at the time he couldn't be sure that Edward, or Bella for that matter, could truly grasp that concept without complication.

Thankfully however, after witnessing Bella and Edward together the other night, he could say with all certainty that things appeared to be moving forward with relative ease.  
A fact that had been further validated when he'd come outside this morning and noticed that Edward's car was indeed still parked right where it had been for the entire day before. But unfortunately, he'd have to think about _that_ later.

"So how's the family? Christine still making out okay with the terrible twos?" Carlisle politely inquired as Thomas accepted the keys, which Esme had left behind this morning along with a handful of paperwork.

"We actually talked about me bringing him along this morning so that she could have a little break on her day off, but I knew there was no way I could watch him and at the same time get anything done. Figured I'd just get here early and hope that the place was pretty straight forward so that the process doesn't take too long."

"Well, you should have brought him; it would have given me something to do at least." Carlisle generously offered.

He'd always thought that Alex was one of the cutest kids he'd ever met, outside of his own of course. Entertaining the little guy for an hour or so could have likely been fun.

"You lookin' to get some practice in before you have grandkids to deal with or something?"

There was no time to consider whether his response was appropriate or not, because Carlisle had absolutely no control over the short burst of unexpected laughter that had already left him.  
Who could blame him though—Alice, with a baby? And there was no need to even consider the concept of Edward parenting a child. Or at least there hadn't been, until recently.

"I think I've got a few years still before I need to start practicing." He covered easily enough, but still wondered if perhaps he'd not had enough coffee just yet—taking another swallow of the beverage he'd grabbed on the way out this morning, just to be safe.

Thomas liked Carlisle and he knew him to be a jovial, easygoing type, so he didn't give the randomness of his reaction much thought. But by the same token, he couldn't help pointing out the uniquely playful inscription he'd noticed on the travel mug that Carlisle was carrying.

"I don't know, Doc." he chuckled, while gesturing to the words, _Old Dude_, as they were peeking out past his fingers.

Carlisle had to laugh as well since he'd not even noticed which cup he'd chosen in his haste to be on time today.

"Ah well, it's not like I'm complaining," he shrugged. "Besides, it was a gift from my boy's girlfriend, so you know…"  
Carlisle caught the importance of what he'd just said shortly after the words had been spoken. True enough it was the most accurate description of Bella, as of late, but he would have assumed that his mind would still instinctively want to label her as Alice's friend before anything else.

While he was pondering the significance of his statement Thomas had moved on, walking around back to unlock the house, obviously unaware of this revelation.

"So if you don't mind my asking, what does Mrs. Cullen want with such a little place, backed up in the hills like this?" He wondered after a quick look around.

It didn't escape his noticed that this wasn't anything like the homes that Esme usually asked him look over; and not only that, but it was a rare occurrence that Carlisle would be meeting him for this portion of the home buying process, rather than his wife.

"It's actually for our oldest; he's the one buying." Carlisle told him as he followed along, just as eager as Thomas was to have a closer look at the place. "I suppose we can safely say that he didn't inherit his mother's taste for size and grandeur. The simpler the better as far as Edward is concerned."

"I can't fault a man for that." He decided as he opened his tool bag, ready to begin checking for any notable defects.

Carlisle announced a moment later that he was going to wander for a bit and left Thomas to do his thing, knowing that the process would go a lot faster if he didn't feel obligated to continue chatting.

The house, being as small as it was, only took Carlisle a few minutes to have a good once over. It was small, but he found it impressive nonetheless, and he could see exactly why his son had been drawn to the place. It was simple, open, and well maintained; so frankly, what more could a guy ask for?

It was after the quick tour that he again found himself outside walking around the perimeter of the lot, and as he walked he began to think about all that had transpired over the past several weeks.

He and Esme were enjoying their marriage more than ever, feeling a great sense of accomplishment as all of the children they felt responsible for seemed to be coming into their own.  
Alice and Bella were both out of school now and working—living together in one of the many houses that Esme had acquired over the years for that very purpose.  
Jasper was just a few months away from securing a permanent position with one of the area's leading architectural firms, and after only six months of interning—which was no small feat, and one that made both he and Esme exceedingly proud of him.  
And then there was Edward. He'd finally come back home and he was finally getting better at being himself.  
Carlisle knew that earlier, with the way that he'd unconsciously associated Bella, Alice's longtime friend, with Edward instead was proof of just how much had happened recently and how happy all of these new developments truly made him feel.

As he roamed a bit further away from the house and into the encroaching forest, Edward's father realized that he would have ordinarily put up a little fuss about being left to handle some aspect of his wife's home buying fetish, especially on his day off, but he knew that he was more than willing to help however he could in this case.  
It was no secret that he would do just about anything for his family, and after witnessing so much excitement the other night, when everyone had learned that the offer Esme had put in on Edward's behalf had been accepted, Carlisle was determined to do whatever was necessary to make this happen.

Beside, he'd only seen the place once before, on an early morning drive by, just so that he could better picture the home that his wife had been incessantly talking his ears off about for the past several days. Now that he'd seen it up close, he had no doubts that this was absolutely perfect for his son, and that he'd made the right decision by encouraging his wife to go ahead to sign off on the additional property that just last night she'd been informed was indeed for sale.

After all Edward was off in the woods with Bella right now, enjoying the one aspect of his childhood, let alone most of his life, that had always been able to bring him some sense of peace and happiness. As his father, Carlisle felt like it was the very least that he could do to insure that he would always have an open area to roam and some aspect of the outdoors readily available should he need to find that peace again.

Peace and happiness aside, Edward was indeed enjoying his morning spent with Bella.

He was up early thanks to his late afternoon nap the day before, which was helpful considering the preparations he had to make so that Bella would be able to have a nice hot cup of coffee and some breakfast whenever she chose to awaken.  
He was also riding high on the declaration—or clarification rather, that she'd made last night during a brief awakening, both of them having discovered a significant change in temperature.

"I'd like to move in with you, Sweetheart." She'd quietly told him after he'd located the long sleeved t-shirt along with his flannel that she'd brought along to sleep in.  
He had only just wrapped an arm around her and kissed her bare shoulder, while presenting her with the clothing, so he was taken aback by her statement.

"Bella?" he'd wondered aloud, not understanding why she would choose to revisit this topic in the middle of the night, when he'd assumed that they were already in agreement about the matter.  
And what was she saying—had she changed her mind?

"I can no longer see myself without this. I've got a few things to think about, and some other things to…handle, but I'm certain that this is what I want. So, not tomorrow or anything; but soon."  
And before he could respond she'd tossed the clothes he'd given her aside and had crawled up his body until she was straddling his midsection.

Oh the memories, Edward mused as he carefully snuck back into the tent, the fire blazing away once again and the coffee doing its thing.

She'd reluctantly gotten dressed after another heated moment of exploration in the wee hours of the morning, which disappointed Edward now, even though he'd been the insistent one at the time, thanks to a concern for her comfort.  
But now, with the product of his imagination standing at the ready, he was hopeful that they might revisit some of last night's activities again today.

To be fair, he'd put on his sleep pants and hoodie early this morning as well, and he still had them on since he'd needed to tend to the fire; but now he was done and looking forward to wonderful ways they might be able to kill the next fifteen minutes while waiting for the coffee to percolate.

Of course Bella felt the cold air as it invaded the nice warm atmosphere she'd been huddled down in for the past several hours, and as reluctant as she'd ordinarily be to wake this early most mornings she found herself rather alert and very eager to tell a certain someone hello.

"You have on too many clothes." He chuckled quietly as soon as it had become obvious that she was awake.

"Somebody made me get dressed." She mumbled playfully.

"That somebody loves you, and didn't want you to catch a cold."

"And now that somebody doesn't?"

"Somebody wants to say good morning." He corrected, moving his hips marginally closer so that she could feel how excited he was to be with her right now.

Bella bit into her lip attempting to control her giddy smile, or perhaps it was to stifle the moan of pleasure that the mere thought of his cock—and yes, she had come to think of it as his _cock_—in its present condition had given her.

This was again something new for them. To varying degrees they'd been tiptoeing around the inevitable up till now; but last night they had finally broken a few of the more problematic barriers that had made their previous approach necessary. Communicating some of their specific preferences being the most important.

To this point, thanks to their combined inexperience and the level of shyness that generally plagued them both, neither Edward nor Bella had been able to articulate exactly what they wanted and/or expected in terms of a sexual relationship.  
They'd laid a few ground rules and there was of course Edward's promise to listen for Bella's consent, but they had never really delved in to the particulars concerning what might be acceptable or appreciated in the meantime. What they had managed instead was more of an unspoken agreement, but they had both wondered if that wasn't leaving a little too much room for error, and in turn misunderstanding.  
Having already taken strides towards preventing the type of miscommunication that had taken place the morning after in Seattle, Edward was very willing to hear whatever Bella had in mind.

And she'd had plenty on her mind.

From the moment that Edward had entered her life, Bella had been forced to think about things that she'd never had reason to, nor allowed herself to contemplate—things such as love and relationships, the importance of trust, and the inexplicable and sometimes uncontrollable need for some type of physical reassurance. Simply put, as scared and as deeply scarred as Bella might have been, thanks to the experience she'd suffered at the hand of James, she still craved Edward and the things that she knew his body could offer her.

She'd felt an instant attraction to him, and as she had gotten to know him better she realized that her level of interest and intrigue along with her desire to comfort and care for him had to be classified as nothing short of love. And with time that love had only grown stronger.  
She saw in Edward a brilliant man who was funny and fun to be around. He was responsible and gentlemanly and protective, but easy to please, and a wonderful listener. He had superb taste in wine, food, music and movies. And recently he seemed to love playfully debating trivial matters, just for the hell of it most times, now that he could finally enjoy that type of interaction with her, which was something he'd never had with anyone else.

In essence he was her perfect match, in every way imaginable.

Not surprisingly, as their relationship had begun to take on new meaning and grow beyond expectation, Bella had been thinking every step of the way. She had concerns, just like he did; and she had many reasons to worry. All the same, she was determined to find a way to make this possible. However the one thing she had not counted on was the intensity of her desire.

Given her past she had always assumed that she would shy away from any type of physical encounter, and that she would remain reluctant in terms of opening herself up to that kind of vulnerability; but every time Edward had held her, or kissed her, or merely touched her, even in the most innocent way, she'd not only enjoyed it, but she'd been ready to beg for more.  
Unfortunately she wasn't sure that she knew how. Because even with his encouragement, and the level of comfort they had come to enjoy with one another, Bella was nervous.

Last night however Edward had somehow unknowingly managed to calm those nerves, and Bella for one had been very willing to take advantage of the change.

The night air had become cool and Edward had taken her hands, encouraging her to stand with him. Carefully, he'd adjusted her position within his arms, stepping closer and resting a hand against her lower back, while he held onto one of hers with the other. As he began to sway Bella realized that there, dancing with him under the stars, cheek-to-cheek, with a soft, sensual rhythm serenading the moment, she'd never felt more happy or alive.

Eventually, she'd initiated the first kiss, taking his face in her hands, her thumbs gently stroking the scruff of beard along his jaw. When their lips had come together his grip upon her had tightened and Bella smiled against his mouth.

"Touch me, Edward," Her voice was barely a whisper but her words were filled with conviction, "everywhere, like you did before. Please."

In response, one of his hands proceeded to bury itself deep in her hair, positioning her to receive a hungry kiss, while the other had descended along the shape of her bottom.  
And the kiss went on forever, their breath mingling, tongues dancing and lips tasting one another until they could no longer sustain it.

When Edward finally relaxed his hold Bella had felt dizzy and unstable at best, but tenderly he'd brought her back around. Light, pecking kisses and lingering nuzzles had replaced his previous onslaught of affection—his deep throaty chuckles relaying his enjoyment of her reactive giggles. Then, coaxing her to kneel with him Edward pulled his shirt off with Bella's assistance, and after looking for permission he slowly removed her top as well.

"Like this." Bella had coached him, seeing a bit of hesitation.  
Taking those large capable hands she so admired, she had placed them appropriately to cradle each of her breasts, only to find herself groaning with appreciation as his thumbs circled her peaks, her fingers helping to guide the movement.

"What else, Baby? Show me what else you like." He requested against her neck as he began to place kisses along the column of her throat.

"Yes," she sighed, "more of this."

Edward angled himself better, rubbing his chin along her shoulder, before kissing along her collarbone, the adjustment to his weight encouraging her to lie back.  
With her arms around his neck Edward proceeded to worship her, listening for any little advice she was willing to give, whether it be a soft hum of approval or a few words meant to guide him.

She noticed the moment when their activity had pushed him beyond control, because he was quick to unfasten his jeans, but otherwise she was a little too preoccupied with the wonderfully unexpected wave of pleasure he'd been able to give her.

"It's kind of sensitive just after." He told her when she pulled away, noticing how he'd tensed under her touch.

"Does it hurt?" she wondered, rubbing her hand over his thigh instead.

"No." He smiled easily.

He took hold of her hand and carefully placed her fingers at the base of his penis, explaining to the best of his ability where he was most easily stimulated and what seemed to feel best whenever he'd touch himself. He was also quick to praise her gentle approach and how much he preferred her smooth, delicate hands to his own.

"I never knew a woman could climax with little more than simulating her breasts. I mean I've read about it, but never really believed it possible." Edward then mentioned, while cradling Bella against his chest.

"It must be because of you and those magical lips." She grinned, "You're a natural."

"Nah, I've just got a really awesome teacher." He'd humbly shook his head.

The fire was warm and felt wonderful against her exposed skin, but Bella could tell that the temperature was dropping rapidly with the sun no longer available to help.

"We should probably clean you up." She pointed out, though Edward had been careful to avoid ejaculating on himself.

"It is getting late." He'd agreed without argument.

Her suggestion may have been a request to move to a warmer location, but more likely it was so that she could know the wonders of his touch again. And of course she'd be lying if she said that seeing him pull his jeans off the rest of the way wasn't the biggest turn on she'd ever experienced short of the first time he'd gripped her ass.

"Is this okay?" he had kindly asked as he reached to unbutton her jeans. "You can, you know, keep your umm, underwear on, but I uh, it will feel better if you can wash…everything."

Despite his calm handling of the situation to that point his nerves had decided to make an expected appearance after all, but they hadn't needed to. Bella had already reasoned that Edward had see her in nothing more than a shirt and her underwear before; he'd cuddled with her many times, caressing her legs and even her cotton covered bottom before now, and just that morning he'd finally seen her completely topless. So Bella had just nodded firmly and lifted her hips to assist him.

"I've umm…you know Edward, I've pretty much seen you naked at this point so it's okay if, you know…you want to…" Bella trailed off, her hand sliding beneath the waistband of his boxer briefs.  
His uncertain way of speaking may have been threatening to become contagious, but she was determined not to give in and play shy tonight.

And just like that, she'd been rewarded; that purring noise that warmed her to the very core was rumbling deep within him.

"Is that a yes?" Bella teased kissing his chest.

Edward had proceeded to pull his under shorts off in order to answer her, but he had been totally unprepared for Bella to reciprocate in kind.

"Fair's fair." She'd blushed beautifully in the firelight.  
But she wasn't the only one. Edward blinked several times and sat back on his heels, overwhelmed by the idea that Bella was kneeling there before him, completely exposed and vulnerable—that she trusted him that much.

"Jesus, Baby. You're so…I don't even have the right word." He told her, his voice thick with emotion and desire.

He moved slowly so as not to startle her, but Edward couldn't control the urge to hold her in his arms, nothing available to separate them from feeling all of each other. He kissed her reverently, trying to ignore the way her hardened buds were pressed against his chest and how her core radiated such an inviting amount of heat.

Bella had never imagined it could be so easy. She still felt a nervous twinge somewhere deep in her belly, but she equated it more with excitement than anxiety; and Edward, he was wonderful. He actually thanked her for the privilege and her trust; he praised her beauty and told her that he felt like the luckiest man on the planet tonight.

Before allowing himself to forget the original intention Edward had taken his shirt and wrapped it protectively around his hand, removing the pot of water from the open flame, bringing it closer to the blanket. Then unwrapping a small towel he'd produced a washcloth and a bar of soap. Testing the temperature of the water with his fingertips, Edward took hold of Bella's hand and invited her to sit closer to him.

He was fully erect again, thanks to her kisses and the newness of their combined nudity, but neither of them had seemed to mind, since Bella was actually more use to seeing him in such a state anyway. The only obvious signs of their inexperience being the blush painting much of Bella's complexion and the slight tremble of Edward's hands.

"May I?" he'd had the decency to ask after dunking the cloth to soak it.

"The idea is sort of like a sponge bath…or using an old fashioned washbasin. The only important thing to remember is to be sparing with the supplies, since you don't want to run out of hot water before you're finished. " He'd explained for her as he carefully moved the warm cloth over much of her skin, having received her consent.

"If it was warmer we could swim in the stream and take a real bath together." He'd sighed when she took the cloth from him, returning the favor and the attention he'd given her.

"When we get home then," Bella offered while cleaning his neck, "we can share the bath any time you like."

The droplets of water clinging to her breasts had distracted him, but he didn't miss the meaning behind her offer.

"I'd really like that." He smiled in response as he took the cloth and began to lather it with soap this time.

It wasn't so much about a sexual experience as it was about a sensual one, Edward and Bella seeing and touching and enjoying one another in yet another way. This was the kind of _practice_ that Dr. Montgomery had suggested and Bella knew it. She also managed to see just how beneficial the experience could be. The longer she sat with him like this the more comfortable she felt; and every time he would touch her, the more she wanted him to.

"I do feel better. Thank you." She sighed appreciatively when he'd taken the towel and wrapped it around her shoulders, lightly drying her skin.

It was obvious that he wanted her comfortable, but he'd been reluctant for the moment to end. So once they were clean and dry Edward had repositioned himself and wrapped his arms around Bella, folding the edges of their blanket up around them both, hoping to insure that she wouldn't become too cold.  
Never in his wildest dreams could he have foreseen an evening like this. He'd convinced himself that he just needed a few more minutes so that he could commit the whole experience to memory.

Turning slightly so that she could rest her forehead against the side of his neck, Bella had started to move her hand soothingly along his thigh.

"Are you ready, Sweetheart?"

There was an audible pause in his breathing.

"I…umm…"

"It's alright if it's too soon. I guess I was just wondering in general. Are we ready…in your opinion?"

Edward had taken his time thinking over the answer. In the meantime he'd caressed her hair and found himself leaning into her. He wasn't stalling or embarrassed by his answer, but he did want to make her understand exactly why he felt the way that he did.

"Baby, if I'd had any idea that today would be _this_ amazing I might have, against my better judgment, actually taken my sister's advice." He knew that she'd have no idea what he was talking about so he went on to tell her about Alice's early morning suggestion, despite the uncomfortable amount of heat radiating suddenly from his cheeks.  
Bella's smile had put him at ease though, so he'd pressed on and told her about how much he felt they'd accomplished, today alone.

"I never thought that any of this could be so easy; being with someone—like this." His hand wandered slowly down her bare back, while the other kept the blanket securely wrapped around them to ward off the chilly night air.

"I wasn't sure—before tonight anyway, that I could…you know…It was just my nerves I guess, but I was so worried that I might disappoint you." Bella thought to interrupt and Edward could see her intention. With a subtle shake of his head to deter her, he went on to say that her words of encouragement and guidance before had made all the difference; and that it was that realization, along with the way they'd been able to talk their way through so many potentially problematic subjects today, which made him believe that they were ready.

"Not here, and not tonight. Your…or our first time shouldn't be out in the woods, in a tent and an old lumpy sleeping bag. You deserve more, you know, something more romantic."

Bella had finally silenced his awkward yet meaningful rambling with a kiss. When she grinned up at him, she thanked him for everything—for the first time he'd found the courage to seek her out, to the way he always went out of his way to make her feel so special; and of course, for being so willing to talk to her, as it was apparently what made all the difference for them both.

"So not tonight, but one day we'll come back here." She decided with a playful wink.

She remembered many kisses that followed, and how Edward had eventually moved their embrace into the more cozy confines of their tent.  
He had quickly gathered their clothes and several other items that were scattered around the campsite, doused the fire with their remaining bath water, and covered the leftover supply of wood nearby. When that was done he had joined her in the dark warmth of the tent, snuggling down behind her in this wonderful sleeping bag, made for two.

"Breakfast will be ready soon." He mumbled in his distraction, the sight of her naked body still so new and fascinating to him.

"It'll keep." She insisted, "And if it doesn't we can always eat after we get home."

"Suppose I'm not going to let you leave?" Edward teased, trapping her within arms.

"I'm okay with that too." Bella grinned.

As appealing as the idea was, they both knew that unfortunately it wasn't possible. Just like their time spent in Seattle, their time here in the meadow was always destined to be limited, since they had quite a bit to take care of over the next few days.  
Tomorrow they would be in Forks to see Dr. Montgomery and later visit with Charlie. The following day Edward had to make a few solid decisions about how he wanted to handle the remaining aspects of his home buying process and then on the weekend he would be working on Bella's truck again; since it had been decided that they would drive it instead of his much smaller car, when they finally made their way to Colorado the following week.  
Additionally Bella had, just over the past twenty-four hours, given herself a whole new set of plans for the up coming days. Not only did she have a significant amount of work waiting for her at home, which she refused to neglect, she had also decided that it was time to pursue the next—possibly several, steps in her relationship with Edward.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay a little longer. It's only a short walk back and I can put up that tent in about five minutes if I have to." Edward whispered suggestively in Bella's ear, coming up behind her as she made to get into the car, his hands kneading her shoulders, his body lightly pressing her up against the passenger door.

While he enjoyed the way her pulse tapped a beat against his lips one of Bella's hands came up to rest on top of his head, her fingers tangling their way into his hair.  
A low rumbling growl vibrated in his chest as his hips instinctively pushed forward.  
She could feel his beard against her heated skin, and heaven help her, the firmness of his arousal as it was now trapped against her lower back.

"Edward," she moaned trying to get his attention, "slowly, Edward."

They were no longer safely hidden away in their meadow. In fact they were truly out in the open, in his parents' backyard no less.

Loosening his hold and pulling away ever so slightly he whispered an apology without actually saying the forbidden, _I'm sorry_.

Understanding her hesitation now, but unwilling to let the moment pass without explaining himself Edward went on to tell her, how happy he was, how wonderful it felt to have her in his arms, and of course how freeing it had been to share with her a place that he'd always loved so much. Caressing the length of her ponytail, adoring how the silkiness of her hair felt as it flowed through his fingers, he confessed how utterly in _need_ he was of her affection.

"Have I told you how sexy it is when you growl like that?" Bella grinned over her shoulder.

"I'm glad you approve because I can't figure out how to control it." He laughed a little, straightening his posture and resuming Bella's backrub that had originally been his intention, but had somehow been abandoned.

They were silent for a few minutes until Bella finally spoke up.

"This isn't fair ya know. First you distract me to the point I can't recall what day it is or where we're at, and now you're trying to put me to sleep when you've already promise to go shopping with me this afternoon."

"What can I say? Maybe I'm stalling." Edward confessed without apology.

He _had_ promised to go with her, when she'd mentioned in passing as they packed up their campsite that it was her turn to buy groceries, especially since Alice had been out of the house for most of the previous week, but just because he'd said he would go didn't necessarily mean he wasn't feeling anxious.

"Hey guys," Carlisle called, saving both of them from having to discuss anything further for the moment.

His intention hadn't been to interrupt them but he'd been hold up in the garage after returning from his morning errand, since the couple had unexpectedly emerged from the tree line.  
At first he was going to just continue on his way to the house and say hello, but he'd had to rethink his plan when he'd noticed how thoroughly absorbed in each other the two of them had seemed.

He was torn between insisting that he didn't want to embarrass them by popping up out of nowhere and admitting that he was curious to see how things might play out if they continued to think that they were all alone. In the end however, he was just happy to see how comfortable and relaxed they both appeared to be today after having such an opportunity to speak and experience things they might not have been able to address before now.

"Did you two just get back?" he went on to inquire once they were aware of his presence.

"Yep." Bella happily responded her arms wrapping themselves around Edward, who was more subdued but still smiling, for support.

"Looks like the weather decided to cooperate."

Edward and Bella both nodded but didn't offer anything else.

"Okay." He chuckled slightly, realizing how awkward the moment had started to feel. "Your mother will probably be calling you in a few hours with the inspection report on the house, so I might see you later then." He offered, before walking off towards the house with a little wave.

"It's really happening isn't it?" Edward mentioned as he finally opened the car door for Bella.

"We can skip the store today, Sweetheart." Bella offered sensing that some of Edward's anxiety was returning.

If it wasn't about the house, then it could be about his father coming upon them just after a rather intimate moment; or perhaps it was any one of a whole host of other things he'd soon be made to deal with, which meant that shopping for food should be the least of his worries today.

"I don't want to skip the store." He promised giving her a little kiss of thanks for her concern. He'd never get over how easily she could sense his needs.

"I do however want to get unpacked and take a shower beforehand, if that's alright with you."  
His crooked little grin was accompanied by a meaningful wink and Bella was suddenly very ready for him to get them home—or at least to the place she would call home for a little while longer.


	44. Chapter 44

A/N: Apologies for having fallen off the planet for the past however many weeks. Hopefully by posting a new update I'll be forgiven for the way this one ends, lol. ;)

Chapter 44

Charlie Swan sat in his cruiser, staring off to his left at the unfamiliar car parked out front of his home. It was a nice car, and not just because it was a Volvo. This was no base model, stripped down with minimal accessories in order to be affordable for a young man just out of school and relatively new to the working world. This thing oozed luxury and performance.  
But what else should he expect from a Cullen?  
Not that he'd ever hold something like success or personal standards against anyone, particularly Carlisle and Esme, and in turn, the children they'd raised.

To be honest, how could he?  
Despite the big house and the fancy cars, the Cullen family had been nothing but kind and supportive to he and his daughter over the years. He'd gotten to know Carlisle, who had been instrumental in helping the Forks Police Department solve quite a few cases during Charlie's tenure, thanks to his vast medical knowledge; which in turn had endeared him to the chief as not only a friend but also a colleague at times. On more than one occasion since, he'd been the recipient of some choice desserts courtesy of Esme's kitchen; and he held an open invitation to join them for dinner whenever his schedule permitted. And of course when thinking of Alice, he didn't even know where to begin. She had been nothing short of a godsend, stepping up and managing to reach Bella when it seemed as though everyone else who dared to attempt such a feat had failed.

But that was neither here nor there; at least the car was safe, he decided.  
He could recall a family on vacation a few years ago being surprised by the wet roads and an unexpected turn just outside of town. Thanks to a car, not unlike the one now parked just a few feet away, there'd only been a few bumps and bruises to contend with after the accident instead of the usual carnage such a crash might involve.

But again that was beside the point.  
Charlie knew that he was stalling, and over analyzing things that were of little importance in the grand scheme of things. Whatever type of car Edward chose to drive and how much it cost wouldn't mean a thing to him if this boy didn't treat his daughter with respect, and jump at the chance to provide her every need or desire.  
Such a desire to see to Bella's every wish was actually the only reason he'd agreed to this unplanned and likely ill-advised luncheon that she had decided to spring on him less than an hour ago.  
By the tone of her voice he could sense her excitement, and there was really no way that he could say no; even though being pleasant and sociable with a kid that was pursuing his little girl, with some apparent success, was the very last thing he'd planned on dealing with today. But in the end, it was probably better to meet this guy and assess his worthiness sooner rather than later, before Bella might get so attached that she could no longer be persuaded to see reason, if need be.

Little did Charlie realize that the moment for some type of intervention had already past. Bella had already made up her mind—Edward was it for her. And Edward was of the opinion that he could hardly continue to exist without her.

Dramatic?  
Perhaps. But that was the way of new, young love. And for these two, having never known such happiness and peace as they were beginning to enjoy with one another, no level of insistence seemed unreasonable. Hence, Edward's resolve to undergo this type of stressful encounter in the first place.

Prior to this outing he'd given things a lot of thought. He loved Bella more than anything, and with that kind of love comes a certain level of respect. He felt he owed it to her and their relationship to reach out to her father and seek his approval.  
It wasn't a modern notion or something that was strictly necessary, given that he and Bella were both consenting adults living on their own and providing for themselves, but Edward was very much the gentleman that his parents had raised him to be; and despite whatever amount of discomfort he might have to suffer in order to accomplish his goals he was still driven by an engrained sense of responsibility.

Thanks to countless hours of conversation with Bella, his sister, and most importantly his own father as of late, who had nothing but the highest praise for the man, he knew a bit about Chief Swan already. From what he'd learned it would seem that Bella and her father had a lot in common, even if Bella was reluctant to admit many of their similarities. This knowledge intrigued him, and though the usual nerves he felt whenever he considered meeting someone new were ever-present, Edward felt as though he and Charlie would ultimately be okay. After all he and Bella had connected right from the start; and if what everyone else had been able to recognize when witnessing Bella and Edward together was really that obvious, he shouldn't have to worry that his intentions could be misunderstood.

Theories and hopeful wishes aside, Edward had issues to deal with and they weren't about to take a holiday just because he wanted to make a good impression on his girlfriend's father.

Giving this undertaking some significant consideration, Edward knew that it might be in his best interest to see Dr. Montgomery once again. He'd actually requested just that when he'd asked Bella how she felt about the two of them visiting her dad, because he'd already decided that a little encouragement and validation from an outside source would go a long way in calming any reservations that might potentially surface as the moment approached.  
And it had proven to be a wise decision, as Edward had once again been unprepared for just how significant his subconscious reactions could be.

It was while he'd been waiting for Dr. Montgomery to join him this morning that a very unusual response had unintentionally been triggered. He'd started to feel cold. And not just cold in the sense that he was the opposite of warm. He felt chilled to the bone—the way someone might when they are feeling ill and feverish. His body had begun to shiver and yet the fringe of his hair and much of the shirt he wore had started to dampen with perspiration. He knew that he was nervous and he certainly knew why, but he'd never had to endure such a disturbing physical side-affect to his anxiety before.

As usual Edward was irritated by this turn of events; and though he wasn't sure if it was the unfamiliarity of this unwanted sensation, or the fact that he knew exactly why he felt the way he did which made this so uncomfortable, he knew that he wanted it to stop.

This was a different kind of reaction for him. Before when he would feel nervous he might get queasy, short of breath perhaps, and sometimes his vision would blur. His heart would race and his thoughts would become disjointed—difficult to comprehend and generally unhelpful. A mild tremor, dry mouth, and a pair of clammy palms were par for the course, but _this_ was ridiculous in his opinion.  
What had changed he had no idea; all he knew was that a substantial onslaught of fears had caused this, and unfortunately he wasn't in much of a position to do anything about that at the moment.

He'd taken a thirsty swallow from the glass of water he'd been holding onto, removed his glasses, and began to rub at his forehead trying to get himself under control, but it did little to calm him.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, dear." Dr. Montgomery greeted him with a pleasant smile a short time later.

He was out of his chair in an instant, his glasses hurriedly pushed back into place, her greeting having obviously startled him. He cleared his throat and attempted to speak, but he'd only managed a clipped and rather high-pitched dismissal of her apology, as if everything was fine.

She was sort of surprised to know that Edward would be the first to meet with her today. Previously when she'd met with he and Bella, they'd spoken to her for the most part as a couple; and only after Edward had indicated that he felt okay speaking to her alone had Bella left them for a few minutes. During their brief one on one time, Dr. Montgomery had taken the opportunity to praise him for his gentle demeanor with Bella, having seen rather clearly how much he truly adored her.  
It had been the right approach, though she hadn't any idea at the time how easy it might be to reach him.  
She'd known his father for years, and she was well aware of Bella's relationship with the rest of his family. This knowledge made her understand many of his issues, with or without his own commentary on the matter. And though it may have been an advantage of sorts, it didn't necessarily make the process of gaining his trust any easier.

He'd been rather nervous. That much had been obvious, what with the fidgeting and the way he couldn't seem to focus on any one thing for more than a few seconds; but he was a driven individual, and therefore he had managed to address some of his concerns by the time their session had come to an end.  
Which meant that seeing him now, sitting across from her looking so out of sorts, was not exactly what she'd expected to find. Especially since she'd seen Bella out in the waiting room just before, smiling so brightly and sharing proudly that Edward had wanted to go first today.

The poor guy had been on his feet so fast one might have thought there was an actual punishment waiting if he didn't conform to some type of prescribed etiquette; but then, after her greeting, he'd only managed an awkward acknowledgment and nothing beyond that right away.  
Hoping to calm him she decided to say nothing more and proceeded to sit in a chair that was situated nearby; noticing that only after she'd poured herself a glass of water and offered the pitcher so that he could refill his own did Edward take his seat again.

Silence dominated the space for a moment before Dr. Montgomery thought to fill the gap with a simple observation, wanting to break the ice.

"Looks like you've gotten a haircut since last I saw you. It's nice."

Edward's hand immediately went to his hair and he briefly tugged on the shortened locks falling over his forehead—cringing slightly at the dampness he encountered there. The length was a subtle difference but it was noticeable anyway—far less unruly than before.  
In fact, Bella hadn't been able to keep her hands to herself after having seen his handy work with the pair of scissors he'd acquired from Alice the night before.  
She _really_ liked it. Going on about how soft his hair was and how fun it was to play with the new, shorter length, since it was even more prone to staying in whatever style she wanted to manipulate it into.  
He would have probably gone another few weeks under any other circumstance, finding any excuse to avoid such extensive grooming, but today was all about making a good impression. And of course any amount of affectionate attention he might garner from Bella was always welcome.

"I umm…" he struggled for a deep breath, which may or may not have been the best decision, "Bella and I are uhh…we're going to see her dad this afternoon."

After spending so much time with Bella, speaking candidly about so many things, Edward had nearly forgotten just how difficult communicating with others usually was for him. He was suddenly convinced that he might be better off if he could just go ahead and throw up. At least then maybe the massive lump in his throat would go away, along with his meager breakfast. If he got lucky, perhaps a few internal organs might get caught up in the mix and manage to rid him of the painful knots twisting their way through his gut as well. And lastly, rounding out the long list of positive possibilities, he'd have the perfect excuse to go to the restroom, clean up what would ordinarily be the result of a completed triathlon for most people, and ultimately bow out of this insane plan he'd come up with.

"Say no more." Dr. Montgomery sympathetically nodded, "I would never hold it against you, ya know." Then with a knowing smile she'd leaned to the right and came up with a wastebasket that was sitting next to her desk, placing it a bit closer to Edward.

Even in his distress he found it rather amusing that she could read his anxiety so easily, and her sense of humor was appreciated. If only he wasn't so eager to make use of the offered receptacle; having just felt another wave of nausea kick at his insides, while a cold trickle of sweat rolled down the back of his neck.

He'd always been careful to avoid this kind of pressure—and for good reason it would seem. It was likely the most reasonable explanation for why he'd never had such a reaction thus far; if he'd never experienced a certain level of anxiety, then of course he would have never known such a reaction. However, the closer he got to his purpose for the day the more difficult everything started to seem, and the more prone he became to comparing it to some sort of job interview from hell.

The comparison was a bit strange considering he'd never actually interviewed for a job, in the traditional sense; this being the closest he'd come to such an experience—and it was for potentially the most important job of his life. This gesture, of meeting Bella's father, could either grant or deny him the privilege of being a significant part of her life in the future. And though he wasn't so naïve to think that Charlie's opinion of him could possibly change Bella's feeling about what they had together, he knew that her father's acceptance would make their desired future so much easier.  
With that in mind even something as daunting as approaching Bella early on had never seemed so nerve-wracking, though he was sure that he'd never wanted anything so much in his life.

To showcase the point, in preparation for the day, not only had he trimmed his hair, but he'd also shaved this morning and tried on about 4 different shirts, before finally begging Bella to choose for him. He hadn't had any such opportunity to prepare for meeting Bella so his appearance had never been an issue, but knowing how his own mother felt about the way he generally looked he had to take all things into consideration.

"Did you come up with this as one of your goals?" the doctor had carefully inquired, having seen an appropriate opening to hopefully get the ball rolling. She was cautious with her words, concerned over the amount of turmoil Edward was suffering, though she had yet to discover exactly why this reaction had come about. She had a few guesses, but it wasn't her job to speculate.

He nodded to answer her question, and though she didn't expect him to say more, Edward went on talking as if the first five, anxiety-riddled, minutes of this meeting had never happened. He stuttered his way through most of it and he had to backtrack and explain himself more clearly a time or two, but he never hesitated to lay out his concerns, and he refused to withhold information about what he most wanted to accomplish.

Somehow that question had managed to break the building cycle of obsessive self-analysis he'd been quickly heading towards; and though he felt sure his choppy rambling made him look like a fool he was suddenly relieved to be talking.  
As a result, Dr. Montgomery learned that he'd been writing daily in his journal and that he and Bella had been going out, progressively experiencing new things. He included a lot of the ups and downs and some of the more pressing issues he wished to conquer; concluding that he'd organized his goals to follow the normal growth of their relationship, drawing a rather convincing parallel between his need to accomplish certain things and his desire to move forward in terms of his connection with Bella.

"You've been working hard, Edward and I'm extremely proud of you." She was genuinely impressed by the way that he'd embraced her suggestions and how ambitious he was when making the list of fears he was most eager to overcome.

"I find that the proper motivation is always important, and I truly believe that you have found yours." Her words conveyed every bit of the warmth and understanding he could hope for, and it wasn't necessary to say that she was speaking of Bella; they both knew what she meant.

Clearing his throat, Edward looked down at his hands as they repetitively tangled with one another in his lap for a moment. They were cold and clammy—sticky with the sweat that had been actively collecting there. He was a mess as always, on the one day that he really wanted to seem normal—a terribly frustrating realization.

"The last thing that I'd ever want to do is pressure Bella into doing anything she wasn't ready for. She's everything to me, and I'd never…I can't…" he paused briefly trying to reconfigure his thoughts.

Dr. Montgomery was patient as ever, calmly waiting for him to find the words. When he'd looked up to judge her ability to follow along with the mess of information he'd been attempting to pour out to her, he smiled crookedly seeing that she was smiling back at him, a look of understanding firmly etched into her expression.

"So far you're doing everything just right, Edward. And the plans that you have for your immediate future are perfectly reasonable.  
I cannot reiterate enough however, that Bella's opinions are usually based on a long history of trying to please everyone but herself. In this case it will be important for you to really listen; because often, pleasing you will be the same as pleasing herself. Do you understand?"

"Yes ma'am." he confirmed.

It was strange thing for Edward to accept and respond to someone else's advice so eagerly, but Dr. Montgomery was very right about a lot of things and he could see that her intentions were pure. Her interest rested solely in helping both he and Bella overcome their issues so that they might interact more affectively with one another and in turn every other person they might encounter. It was wonderful to finally recognize the wisdom of someone else and be able to trust that they were capable of listening and understanding, as opposed to merely judging.

"So…meeting Chief Swan? How are your nerves holding up?"

The doctor finally felt compelled to address the most pressing matter once Edward had finally purged the pent up concerns he'd been holding onto about his situation with Bella, and all that his issues threatened to complicate.

His leg was bouncing up and down now and he shook his head immediately, as if to say there were no words available.

"He's a good guy. Honest, professional. When Bella first came to see me he would come along for every visit, just to be supportive, even though it was quite obvious how uncomfortable the whole idea of being here made him." She didn't take his silence as a refusal to speak about this subject so she wanted to share with Edward anything that might calm his fears and encourage him. Charlie Swan was very human—caring, somewhat reserved. He was a loyal friend and had a lot of love to give, though he didn't always know how to express it.

"It would be important for a man like that to know his daughter is happy and well cared for." He managed to speak the words in such a way that one would believe it to be a statement rather than a question, but an experienced psychologist knew better.

"I think that it would certainly mean something." She answered him, though it wasn't strictly necessary. Edward knew what he was talking about, but it seemed as if he would still appreciate some reassurance.

"I'm not okay shying away from this, but I've talked myself into running a hundred times already. I'm scared that he'll notice…that he won't understand my…" Edward coughed a bit as he once again looked for a new word to describe his issues, one that wouldn't make him seem so screwed up.  
"I just want him to give the idea of me and Bella a chance without something so uncontrollable influencing his opinion. I couldn't handle it if he thought poorly of Bella for putting up with me."

"Edward." Dr. Montgomery felt obligated to end his negative outlook. "Bella isn't putting up with you. She loves you for many reasons and you know this. You have a tremendous amount to offer within this relationship and Charlie is bright enough to realize that." Her words were tender, as was her expression when he finally found the courage to look up once more. "I think however that we need to find you a happy place before you take off in search of his approval."

Edward readily agreed and therefore Bella had joined them a few moments later.

She was understandably taken aback by his disheveled appearance and the sheepish grin he'd given her to convey his embarrassment. Fortunately however, having come to expect just about anything when it came to Edward, she was prepared to keep the level of her surprise hidden, though it was quite obvious that something had happened since she'd last seen him; because this was not even close to the version of Edward she'd sent off with an encouraging kiss just a short while ago.

"Hello darling." Dr. Montgomery greeted, before Edward or Bella could interact beyond the silent communication that had already taken place. She could see Edward's discomfort and Bella's concern bouncing around the room as if they were tangible things, and she needed those emotions to calm down before proceeding with her latest idea.

Bella smiled in response and took hold of Edward's hand without a word as she settled into the chair beside him. The gesture made everyone smile since it was immediate and obvious—the profound affect it had on the two joined parties.

It was a tricky business seeing both sides of a couple separately, but Dr. Montgomery enjoyed the challenge. As an extra bonus she got to see her longtime patient thriving in the care of such a wonderful young man, while using strengths she'd always taken for granted to help him through his own set of problems.

"Hear you're going to go see the chief later today." She mentioned as Bella settled in.

"Is everything okay?" The question wasn't directed to any one person, but it was one that she could hardly avoid.

"You'll need to discuss that with him." The doctor reminded them both when Edward seemed reluctant to speak on his own behalf.

Much of their first group session had been spent informing the couple of her doctor/patient obligations, and that what they wished to discuss with her as a couple would be fair game in their private sessions, but if something was addressed in a one on one setting then she couldn't offer advice or information about what had been said with the other.

"Oh trust me when I say we have." Bella assured her. "The drive this morning went by so fast, I almost drove straight through without even noticing."

"I didn't notice your truck out front."

"No, we're in Edward's car. I might have been surprised that he offered to let me drive, had I not already had some idea as to how nervous he was." Bella gave his hand an affectionate squeeze and offered an apologetic smile as she shook her head slightly, remembering the moment this morning when she knew for sure that Edward was in a mess.

She'd offered every alternative plan she could think of over the past few days since he'd expressed an interest in visiting her father, but he'd seemingly convinced himself that he was ready. He was doing so well that she was actually inclined to agree with him, right up until they'd walked out to the Volvo this morning. Edward had hesitated near the front of the car, unsure of which way he wanted to go. It was his normal practice to escort her to the passenger side, before walking around to take his place behind the wheel. Today however he paused and turned to face her in the driveway.

"Bella, could you…I mean, would you want to drive us today?"

"Me, drive the Volvo?" she smiled a bit, despite her confusion. Edward knew how much she liked his car.

"Sure." He grinned as well, though his left hand had managed to find its way up to his shirt collar, tugging lightly, but repetitively on the fabric.

"Is everything alright, Sweetheart? If you're feeling uncertain about the thing with Dad I haven't called him yet; so we can totally come home after going to the doctor's."

"No, no. I'm fine, just…well, I've been doing a good job of ignoring exactly what I'm about to do up till now. I've got to get this figured out in my head though, and I'm sorta running out of time."

"We've got all the time in the world," she assured him, "but I would _love_ to drive your car."

Her enthusiasm was genuine and it helped Edward relax, if only a little. He was happiest when he was able to make her smile, so for the time being he'd been able to handle his worries. It was only after they'd arrived in Forks and he'd been left alone waiting for the doctor that he'd fallen into his current state.

"I'm not sure what happened really." Edward hesitantly spoke. He knew that he had to be the one to address the situation at hand before Dr. Montgomery could jump in and help them handle this. "I really did feel like I was doing well. I felt calm and happy about this; confident even. Then I was sitting here and it was like the bottom fell out. But it was worse than that, more like it was creeping up to a cliff and I could see it coming but there was no way to stop it, and I couldn't even tell why it was happening exactly." His voice quietly trailed off, prompting Bella reach out with her free hand and reinforce the connection they already shared.

Feeling even more confident that this would work the doctor picked up where Edward had left off and began to describe ways for him to relax by focusing on pleasant thoughts and memories whenever he would feel nervous and afraid. The notion was an elementary concept, used the world over to comfort frightened children after a nightmare, or boost one's ability to perform in front of their peers. It was such a well-known practice because more often than not it was quite successful, provided the individual had the determination to truly focus on the desirable thoughts. Edward had everything he would need to provide a nice safe haven within his mind, and the prefect catalyst to prompt his inward journey sitting right next to him.

"Now, the both of you have described a need to let your thoughts wander from the present at times. And each of you has actually used the term_ escape_ when speaking of such habits. So, what I propose is this. A person's need to go within and think about any number of things generally stems from an unspoken need for a little timeout. And of course, the best results are usually achieved when the thoughts and memories you encounter are pleasant; which ultimately means locating memories that are guaranteed to provide a safe, happy feeling in advance can be very helpful when you find yourself in need of that escape."

This line of thinking sounded familiar to Bella, but she couldn't recall exactly why. In any case she was more concerned about Edward and how this would help him cope with his current predicament.

"Bella, can you share with us a memory that is particularly pleasant—something that tends to make you smile even when you don't realize it?"

The affect was immediate and Edward smiled in response, seeing her lips unconsciously curve into his favorite expression.  
With a slight blush coloring her cheeks, Bella described how wonderful it had been talking on the phone with Edward while she'd been away, shortly after having gotten to know him. It had been the first of many important steps that had brought them to this place, and the memory always made her smile.

"Edward?" Dr. Montgomery invited.

He was focused solely on Bella as he spoke, but no one in this room would have expected anything different.

"Sitting with you at my parents' dinner table that night." They smiled together this time. "I was so freaked out about just being there, but you made me feel so much better, like I could handle almost anything. And then…" he chuckled a bit now, "we did—together. It was the first time I realized that maybe I could be there for you, the way you always seemed to be for me."

Dr. Montgomery couldn't help but join in with all the smiling, while Edward and Bella enjoyed the moment reminiscing. Their relationship was still so new but they were already learning to appreciate the importance of those special experiences they would always remember.

"So you've each got your memories," she offered after another moment, "now all we need is a way to guarantee that you can bring them to the forefront when needed."  
And as always that meant that each would rely on the other.

Roughly an hour later with this new and useful advice fresh in their minds the couple had managed to make their way across town to the little place Bella had called home for a number of years.  
She'd given up on leaving well enough alone and calling it a day after their time with the doctor had ended—this newest idea having ignited Edward's courage all over again. So as they sat at her father's kitchen table waiting for Charlie to join them Bella sat in awe of this man she'd fallen in love with. He was everything she wanted and nothing she'd ever expected, but in the end she wouldn't have wanted him to be any other way.

"Bells?" Charlie called, more out of habit than anything, when he'd finally talked himself into coming inside, only to be surprised by having not just his daughter, but also Edward, right there before him. They were at the table staring at one another and smiling, having what appeared to be some type of silent conversation. Bella's smile was the first to brighten while she gave him a rather chipper greeting, never taking her eyes from Edward as she spoke. When Edward's smile intensified as well, she finally turned and introduced her father to the boy sitting at her right.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Chief Swan." Edward confidently rose, extending his hand to Charlie who was now smiling at Bella's exceedingly proud expression.


	45. Chapter 45

A/N: I owe a massive thank you to all of my readers for putting up with the slow updates as of late. And especially for those of you who are taking it upon yourselves to recommend this story to others. I love you all! *hugs*

Chapter 45

While Bella busied herself putting on a pot of coffee she finally took a much needed moment to breathe. She'd been both nervous and excited to see how this day might play out, but she hadn't necessarily known what to expect; and as it turned out there seemed to be surprises waiting around every corner today.

Her biggest concern and therefore biggest surprise had been thanks to the firsthand knowledge of how difficult it was for Edward to deal with new people. Additionally she was also well aware of her father's limited ability to seem friendly to those that didn't already know him.  
Keeping that in mind, Bella was almost overcome with some type of indescribable emotion when she was able to witness the ease with which Edward and Charlie had managed to interact, almost from the start.  
Talk about a surprise.

She'd been certain that they would both be trying their best for her sake, but she would have never been able to predict the flood of information that seemed to pass so easily between them, or the reason behind their candor.  
The truth of the matter was that these men had an obvious and mutual interest that bonded them immediately—her.  
It meant that to anyone who didn't know better, Edward would have seemed like any young man happily speaking with the father of his girlfriend—discussing various subjects, and even going so far to laugh and joke with one another on occasion.

_Who would have thought?_ Bella mused, a smile blossoming over her features as she returned the stack of coffee filters to their rightful place in the cupboard and located some mugs.  
She had to wonder about Edward's significant improvements as the day had gone on, and the only reasonable explanation that Bella could come up with for this remarkable accomplishment was that success breeds confidence; and though Edward had many qualities that should ordinarily contradict such a trend in someone like him, it would seem as though he was no exception to the rule.

He'd had his difficult moments today for sure, starting with his earlier reaction at Dr. Montgomery's, and as a result, he'd been given three specific responsibilities this afternoon. Concentrate on responding rather than reacting; remain focused on Bella and thoughts that would provide a sense of happiness and confidence; and lastly, remember that this was something he wanted to be doing.  
It was a simple set of rules, and something that a guy like Edward, who ordinarily had a dozen or more complex thoughts competing for his attention, should be able to handle. However, there was a bit more to it than that.  
Voluntarily meeting someone new was at the extreme far end of Edward's comfort level, and everyone knew that. Add to it the fact that the individual he would be meeting was the father of this amazing woman he'd fallen in love with, and wanted more than anything to spent every waking—and non-waking moment with, experiencing everything imaginable—much of which may involve little or no clothing, and one could understand his concern.  
He knew that he could count on Bella to be there for him and act as a buffer if need be, but he still feared that his mind would somehow manage to wander towards inappropriate thoughts without his permission, thereby embarrassing the hell out of him.

He'd shared this information privately with Bella on their way over to her father's house and she'd sympathized completely. She could understand not only his anxiety in this situation but also his fear of embarrassment. This was all brand new for everyone involved, and never having witnessed her father's way of acting under such circumstances, Bella couldn't even provide the type of reassurance she felt sure Edward had been hoping to receive.

Fortunately though, with the right mindset and this simple set of instructions to keep any negative responses in check, it was as if Edward had turned a corner in many ways.  
He was able to exhibit a level of confidence she'd only been able to glimpse on the rarest of occasions, and yet his usual personality was endearingly ever-present.

According to Edward, for her part in all of this, Bella had been absolutely perfect.  
As they waited for Charlie to join them this afternoon she had held his hand, lightly tracing its shape, while remaining silent but available should he wish to speak. She never brought up the fact that he seemed tense or uncomfortable and she never mentioned that he should maybe rethink his plan for the day. Instead she set a good example for him by sharing a smile and remaining calm, sensing that it was exactly what he needed most.

Whether she realized it or not, her support had become one of his greatest resources—a surefire way to calm and motivate him, in practically any situation; but in Bella's opinion Edward had been the one who was somewhere close to extraordinary today, accomplishing far more than just meeting her father and facing another one of his many fears. He had basically succeeded in showing her the true depth of his love and commitment.  
It was something she undoubtedly knew, but it was another thing entirely to see him go against his very nature in order to prove it.

What made this so special for Bella was that they both knew meeting with Charlie was probably unnecessary just yet, and something that many people, who didn't even possess the same sort of issues as Edward might choose to avoid. As a result she couldn't help admiring his ambition. Proud as she was of all that she and Edward had accomplished as a couple recently, and every little thing that Edward had been able to experience thanks to their relationship and that ambition, she had developed rather high hopes for this encounter. And to this point, she had not been disappointed.

"Did you need a hand, Baby?" Edward kindly asked, drawing Bella away from her thoughts.

"You managed to escape the 'fish tale'?" Bella grinned at Edward's sudden presence.

"Charlie decided that he may as well call it a day since it's starting to get late, and went upstairs to change out of his uniform."

She wasn't entirely sure how he'd managed it, but almost of all Edward's usual habits had been dramatically toned down this afternoon. A thought that was validated a moment later when she'd offered him a cup of coffee to fortify his energy for their return home.  
He'd taken half a second to lightly brush his right hand along his thigh in a gesture that could have seemed perfectly normal for many people before accepting the drink. Bella knew that it was an instinctive need to clear away any evidence of his perspiring hands, but few others would be able to deduce that such was his actual purpose.

Likewise his stuttering, though prevalent early on, had eventually subsided. Now the only evidence that he might be uncomfortable or concerned while speaking with Charlie was an occasional lapse when he took time to think about what he really wanted to say on a given matter.

And the nervous fidgeting?  
It had been well controlled by the presence of Bella's steady hand while they'd sat in the kitchen, the table available to hide their entwined fingers from parental view.  
Later after they'd eaten and Charlie mentioned that they should move into the living room so that he could turn on the Mariner's game, Bella had playfully tossed a throw pillow in Edward's direction so that he would have something to hang on to and fiddle with, now that any affectionate contact would be so much harder to disguise.

"So it's Charlie now?"

"I've tried every other way of addressing him. Finally got tired of hearing him insist." Edward explained.

"You should have downplayed your love of baseball."

Happy as she was, Bella took advantage of their brief moment alone, smiling up at Edward as she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head upon his chest. It took no time at all for Edward set his coffee aside and return the embrace.

"I think it might be my love of something else that has me on his good side." He sighed with contentment.

Indeed it could have been anything they'd discussed already—baseball, football, cars, camping, fishing—the fact that he'd gotten Bella to go hiking in the woods without personal injury to herself, or perhaps it was Edward's politely careful approach to just about everything. But the most important interest of Edward's that Charlie had been able to ascertain thus far was his devotion to Bella.

Of course as her father he wasn't wild about Bella dating, but he'd known that this day might come eventually. And he hadn't been looking forward to meeting Edward just yet, but he'd been pleasantly surprised by what he had encountered.

Physically, he had a sturdy enough appearance—someone who could handle himself if need be, but he still possessed an outwardly gentle demeanor, specifically when dealing with Bella. And personality wise, Edward was exactly as she had described him. He was shy, quiet, and at times a little awkward; but once it was obvious that he had chosen to politely ignore the boy's stutter or the way his face would periodically blaze with color, Edward managed to impress him with a well-rounded knowledge of many things and a surprisingly quick wit—a trait that Charlie appreciated and recognized as having likely come from his father.  
With that in mind it hadn't taken long for Edward to gain his approval. It was certainly a comfort to see that Carlisle and Esme's son seemed to have the same genuine nature shared by the rest of his family. And he found the way that Bella responded to him absolutely fascinating.

There was a time when he figured that seeing his daughter get all doe-eyed and goofy acting over a boy would turn his stomach, but he was surprised to see that, despite an obvious amount of attraction, the way that Bella regarded Edward was quite endearing. She was concerned for him, but proud and supportive at the same time. Every smile was full of encouragement and understanding, which Edward seemed to realize and often return whenever they would share a glance. And it was easy to see that Bella admired him and valued his opinion.  
Charlie had rarely seen such a connection between two people, and he'd never seen a couple so young with such a unique understanding of one another. So whether he wanted to admit it or not, he couldn't help but see that this relationship was a very good thing for both of them.

It was why he'd quietly let them share their little moment in the kitchen without interruption when he'd returned.  
Edward had been nothing but respectful of his home and his daughter thus far, so he'd give him the benefit of the doubt and a little bit of trust for now. Seeing Bella thrive as she did in his presence was amazing, and something that Charlie wouldn't want to discourage.

"So, what year did Ken Griffey, Sr. and Jr. hit back to back home runs in a game? The only time in history a father and son have ever managed it."

It was Charlie's way of greeting Edward and Bella when they returned to the living room carrying in coffee for everyone.

"1990." Edward replied without hesitation, "I don't recall the pitcher, but it was against the Angels."

"Were you even alive in 1990?" he chuckled, while accepting the mug his daughter had offered to him with a smile of thanks.

"I was suffering the joys of preschool and a brand new little sister in '90."

"Alice." Charlie smirked, "How is she doing these days? I haven't seen her around since right after graduation."

Bella realized that she or Edward could field this one, and since Edward had been responsible for all of the sports related trivia her father felt the need to dig up this afternoon she figured it was her turn.

"Crazy as ever, busy as ever, and expecting us home in time for dinner tonight."

It was a convenient way to plant the idea that they would need to get going soon. Edward was doing well and she was actually enjoying the novelty of these new personalities she'd become privy to, but Bella could tell that he was still struggling to maintain his current level of calm, and her father's level of enthusiasm was starting to slowly fade.

"Alice might learn to slow down when she's eighty."

"I wouldn't count on it." Bella smiled at Charlie's estimation.

"Well lord knows you two shouldn't keep her waiting. And it probably is a good idea that you get on the road before it gets much later."

Bella could always count on his ability to see a comment for what it really was, but he had a wonderful knack for being subtle about it.

"Which reminds me—what kind of gas mileage do you get out of that Volvo, Edward?"

What she had yet to get use to was this new and inquisitive version of Charlie.

It had probably been for the best, but it was still a strange thing to see her dad ask so many questions and actually seem interested in the answers. It managed to keep the conversation flowing nicely and relieved Edward from such an unfamiliar burden though, so for that Bella was eternally grateful.

And it would also seem as though Charlie was paying attention today. When they'd all finished their coffees he got to his feet and collected the empty mugs.

"Alright, I'm not trying to run you off or anything but it is getting late." He mentioned on his way into the kitchen.

The day had been a dreary one, but normal by Forks' standards. The temperature was several degrees cooler than it had been over the weekend and there was a light mist of rain, giving way to the occasional downpour, so it was difficult to judge time by the amount of remaining daylight. A quick glance at the old clock over by the backdoor however told them both that he was right. If they didn't leave soon, Alice wasn't going to be a happy camper.  
She was home alone tonight, since Jasper was busy finalizing details for his next research trip and they had promised to be back in time to cheer her up with ice cream and a Brat-pack marathon. There was no way they could be late and hope to survive the next week of living together.

Charlie returned from the kitchen only seconds later to find Edward helping Bella into her coat. It was a gesture he seemed familiar with already and was happy to do.

"Thank you, Sweetheart." Bella blushed slightly having caught sight of their audience, but her father had just smiled in return.

"Drive safe and call me when you get there, huh?"

"Sure." Bella promised giving her father a hug.

Hugs with Charlie were generally awkward. They seemed to happen at odd times and often under uncomfortable circumstances. But like so many other things today, this was different. She embraced her father to say farewell, but also thank you. It was a need to show him how much he meant to her and how much she appreciated him—loved him.  
Charlie wasn't so good with affection, a trait of her own that she often attributed to having come from her father, but she was learning and it was time to teach him that love was a good thing and it was okay to express it. However, she had yet another surprise greet her in return, as Charlie had immediately returned the hug.

"Edward." He reached out a hand to shake, when their embrace had ended.

And just like that they were done. They had made it through what Edward had assumed he'd never be able to go through with—what Bella had worried over from the moment he'd suggested it. They were as official as they could get and Charlie was onboard and okay with it. Everyone who mattered most was aware of their relationship and accepting of it, and that knowledge had taken Edward somewhere over the moon.

Over his lifetime he'd known varying levels of success; his intelligence and determination made sure of that. However, considering his anxiety and general want of avoiding anything that might involve personal interaction with others, it meant that even the most mundane events by anyone else's standards gave him a great sense of accomplishment, and today was no exception.

Bella had recognized the change in him immediately. He'd offered to let her drive again if she wanted to, but promised that he was okay to do it himself if she'd prefer to sit back and relax. She might have assumed that he was attempting to look good in front of her father had she not known him as well as she had come to, but there was a light in his eyes that she'd not seen all day. He was happy and confident and he was telling her the truth when he'd said he was okay.

Not about to mess with a good thing she'd steered them towards the passenger side of the car so that he could open her door. She gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek before taking her seat and smiled happily at his goofy little grin.

"Suppose I like it there and I want to stay longer?"  
"Suppose you don't and you're ready to leave earlier than planned?"  
"That's not very likely."  
"But still possible."  
"Wanna bet?"

Edward was still grinning despite himself; it may have been a long hard day, but sitting alone with Bella, playfully chatting about their pending trip to Colorado as they drove home had his mood improving by the second—as if it could really get any better.

"What would this bet involve exactly?" he challenged.

"A lifetime of servitude?"

"I was planning to let you have that already." He chuckled, though a little yawn was mingled in towards the end of his statement.

"How about you stop overdoing the new experiences for a while and ease into this like Dr. Montgomery suggested? I'd really feel like I won something if I knew you were going to give yourself a break from time to time and relax."

Edward knew that she was right. Today had been his idea—something that he'd stubbornly insisted upon doing, and something that he knew he was not prepared to deal with in the slightest. What made it worse was that he could have said no and backed out of the idea right up until the very moment he and Bella found themselves standing in her father's kitchen, but he'd refused to give up on the original plan—even when it seemed as though things weren't going to go his way this morning.

"I'll give you that with or without a bet as well."  
His agreement required no hesitation, earning his cheek another gentle kiss of thanks and understanding.

They didn't need to discuss what all had gone on today in order for their concerns to be understood, and he didn't need to argue that the outcome had been far better than either of them could have likely anticipated. They'd instead come to realize that whenever something seemed to affect one of them negatively, the other would know that same sense of discomfort and fear. Edward was therefore unwilling to push for anything more than they were both willing to endure.

"Hey, can we stop here for a second?" he asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

They'd barely made it back to the highway when Edward had spotted the store which caught his interest on the way into town this morning.

"What for?" Even with the conversation they'd just been having Bella would never want to discourage Edward's desire to branch out and try new things. This however was not the sort of place she wanted to test his courage.

The odds of Mike Newton being in Forks and at his parents' shop on a random day in the middle of the week no matter the time were slim. Bella was still reluctant to risk it though, since more than likely his mother would recognize her and feel some need to relay the message whenever she spoke to him next.

"This is one of the first things on my list. I want to start shopping like a normal person," his mention of the word, _normal_ made her bristle, but she let him continue without interruption, "and this is the type of place we don't have in Port Angeles. I sort of wanted to check and see if they had a few things we might want for our trip."

She couldn't argue with that.  
Newton's carried every type of sporting good imaginable and she could only guess how impressed Edward might be with the array of outdoor gear they had available. Dealing with Mike on the rare occasion that she had to see him at work was a small price to pay for whatever steps Edward could take towards his desired goals she decided.

"When I start finding gray hairs, I'm blaming you." She teased, gesturing that he should go ahead and pull into the parking area.

"I doubt that you're in danger of going gray anytime soon. Besides, you're so beautiful some gray hair isn't going to make any difference to me."

Despite his playful remark he never attempted to apologize for or withdraw his request, and for that Bella was grateful; what he had done instead was take her hand and place a series of tender kisses against the back of her fingers as soon as he'd killed the engine. He told her how much he loved her and thanked her for supporting him always. When words had ceased to be enough he sought to_ show_ her what he really meant.

Every bit of emotion he'd been through today had been transferred to that kiss, and Bella felt exactly what he was trying to convey. The way his lips carefully caressed her mouth told her of the fear he'd been forced to face. The tentative response of his tongue when she'd opened up to receive him, spoke of his uncertainty. But it was the firm grip of his hands that assured her of his triumph. Whatever else he meant to tell her with this bit of affection she now understood that he'd done what he'd set out to do and he was proud of his accomplishment.

Pretty soon, Bella was starting to realize just how long it had been since she and Edward had had any time to themselves today. They'd been together from the moment they'd awakened, but they'd had breakfast with Alice before getting on the road. The drive to Forks had passed by in the blink of an eye and since arriving here they'd split time between Dr. Montgomery's and her father's. All total they might have had thirty minutes, not counting drive time, alone since they'd left home—and it was quite obvious that they missed the privacy and freedom they were becoming accustomed to.

There had been a fleeting thought to the fact that they were obligated to spend their evening with Edward's sister tonight, but Bella was unable to focus on anything other than the way he was making her feel just then. She'd already forgotten about his idea of stopping at Newton's or that they were currently parked right out front of the store. That is until she'd practically crawled across the console separating them and the sound of someone pounding on the passenger window of Edward's car abruptly reminded her.

Before Edward could make sense of what had happened, Bella was out of the car confronting some guy who'd apparently been the one responsible for interrupting them. He couldn't comprehend what was going on except for the fact that Bella was about to blow a gasket while reading this unfortunate soul the riot act. And had he not been so surprised by this unexpected turn of events he might have realized what he was up against before he'd climbed out of the car and put himself in between the two of them; but he was uncharacteristically relying on an instinct he didn't even know he had.  
His girl wasn't happy and she was potentially in danger for all he knew, so he felt he had to do something here.

"Bella?"  
He was looking for answers. Was he supposed to tell this guy to back off and mind his own business? Or was he supposed to slowly dismember his body and come up with a plan to hide the evidence of his mutilated corpse, which he felt more than capable of doing if it was determined that Bella was being threatened in some way.

"Hey, man." His thought process was derailed as soon as he felt the sharp jab of a finger against his shoulder.

Edward turned away from Bella and finally laid eyes on the person responsible for all of this confusion. He was a young guy, probably somewhere around his own age, who was several inches shorter than himself, possessing a stocky, athletic build. A quick glance at his preppy attire and his meticulously groomed appearance helped Edward determine that this was no delinquent nor a potential mugger, but he still had no idea what to make of him otherwise.

"Edward, please…" Bella's voice was desperate suddenly. "Mike, just go. Get the hell out of here."

This 'Mike' seemed reluctant to leave but he was still looking around as if he were contemplating the best way to do just that.

"Edward, look at me Sweetheart. I'm okay. Everything's fine. This is Mike. We use to go to school together; he works in my office."

Bella knew this guy he finally realized. But why was she talking to him like this? And what was with all of the dramatics just before?

"Really, Bella? Sweetheart?"

Edward's attention was once again drawn to Mike and his indignant expression. He felt Bella's hand reach out to grasp his fisted one—his first clue that his body was in such a rigid posture. She quickly went on to introduce him as her boyfriend and explain that they'd been in town to visit her father today. He didn't look pleased but it appeared that Mike was finally starting to see the big picture.

"So you're heading back to Port Angeles tonight?"

"Now actually." Bella decided, her grip on Edward's wrist pleading for him to agree and get back into the car.

He could read her needs as easily as his own by now so it didn't take much encouragement, especially once Mike had finally decided to leave well enough alone. He gave them both what Edward recognized to be a rather scathing look as he bid them farewell—interpreted, 'good riddance.'  
But it was only after he'd safely returned Bella to the car and joined her there a moment later that he understood why.

Mike's misguided attempt at chivalry had forced them to not only stop, but retreat from the previous moment altogether—a moment that Bella now considered necessary.  
She had felt Edward's absence immediately and she longed for his return so that they might continue with where the earlier activity had been leading them, but she knew better than to believe that was going to happen when she saw the panicked look in his eyes and recognized that the fool who'd felt some need to intrude upon their privacy was none other than Mike Newton—he couldn't take a hint even if it was spelled out in flashing neon with an audio message that repeatedly screamed 'fuck off!' So it hadn't taken but a second for her to collect her disappointment and turn it into aggravation; and now, Bella was officially pissed.

Not only had he ruined what was quickly headed toward new and exciting territory for she and Edward, but he had triggered a response in her boyfriend that truly frightened her. And to make matters worse, it only took a quick glance in his direction to see that Edward was shaken as well. He was sitting there nervously fiddling with the steering wheel, while he stared out at nothing his jaw tense and his body trembling.

It was a wonderful feeling to be with Edward, to always feel so safe and protected, but it was another thing entirely to see him practically turn Neanderthal in a split second. She was personally contemplating the murder of Mike Newton; however that didn't mean she was okay witnessing her gentle, timid Edward on the verge of violence.

"Baby…"

"It can wait until after I've figured out how to kill Newton."  
She wasn't in the mood for an apology and she wasn't sure how to explain the complexity of her association with Mike.

"Newton?"

With a heavy sigh she turned to take hold of Edward's closest hand and tried to explain the situation.

"I swear Edward, I've never done a thing to encourage him, but he's like a freakin' golden retriever or something."

She was on a roll with this rant, never having realized the true depth of her irritation. In fact, there wasn't a moment's hesitation until Edward's rather impressive burst of laughter managed to startle her—having obviously overheard the far more descriptive classification of her loyal stalker that she'd unconsciously mumbled—_cock-blocking little shit-ass that he is._

"Did you really just say _cock-blocking_?" Edward asked trying to mask his amusement with concern as he settled his hands over hers, cautiously seeking a way to sooth her.

"We were so close to…well…something. And damnit Edward I'm tired of missing out on opportunities to experience, you know…us." She pouted, her head hanging low and her body beginning to shiver with emotion.

"It's alright Baby," he sighed leaning in and letting his arms come around to hold her.

"Hey, we're gonna get there, right?" he gently encouraged when he felt her silently resisting his comfort. "And a car isn't exactly the most comfortable place to try for too much anyway. I'm too tall."

"It's just so frustrating." She admitted, finally melting into him with a reluctant chuckle.

"I didn't mean to react the way I did." He quietly admitted after another minute. "I was embarrassed and scared and I didn't have any idea who that was or why you were so upset with him."

Bella quieted his words with a kiss. She knew that he had no experience in this area. Neither did she, but at least she had the advantage of some friendly interaction with an array of people—annoy or otherwise.

"I can understand why you reacted the way you did, but we're gonna have to work on toning down the Incredible Hulk act. I think Mike may need to change his pants and all you did was look at him."

Her comment forced a blush to color his complexion.

"It's the lion in me I suppose."

"I love everything about you, Sweetheart. But most of all I love my _cowardly_ lion."

Edward took her face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes. He never expected the things that Bella might say to touch him so deeply, but she never ceased to amaze him. He kissed her tenderly and let his thumb brush lightly across her lips while basking in the pleasure he derived from the special emphasis she'd put on_ cowardly_ in that description.

"When we get home, you need to call Charlie and let him know we'll be back next week. I've got something important to talk to him and Dr. Montgomery about."


	46. Chapter 46

A/N: Now we're getting somewhere. And E & B seem to be going somewhere ;) how ironic. LOL

Chapter 46

Edward felt like he'd officially located his own personal heaven, and it was right here lying with Bella.  
At some point during the night he'd turned away from her in his sleep and she was now spooning him. He could feel the warmth of her body pressed up against him, her hair tickling his skin and her fingers gently splayed over his abdomen.  
It was hard to make much sense of anything else just yet, as he'd only been awake for a moment, but a little shift of his hips reminded him of the state they'd fallen asleep in the night before—and _that_ had definitely qualified as heaven.

They'd been released from the previous night's obligation with Alice a lot earlier than either of them had expected—Jasper having finished up with his arrangements rather quickly so that he could join them and the movie marathon having been replaced by an impromptu question and answer session—where Alice thoroughly quizzed her unsuspecting companions about their entire day.

She was obviously quite impressed by her brother's continued progress, and the fact that he and Bella had been to visit with Charlie as a couple already. "Big happenings!" she'd gone on to say at least twenty times, with a big goofy smile and a lot of clapping thrown in there for good measure.  
She was actually so enthralled by their outing that when they'd asked about starting a movie she'd just waved them off saying there was no need to sit through something she'd already seen a hundred times and could quote word for word, especially when hearing about a showdown with Mike Newton was so much more exciting.

"It wasn't a showdown." Bella had insisted, "More like a whole heap of misunderstandings that just kept snowballing into a mess."

It was a statement that Edward had been in full agreement with.  
In fact, he'd wanted to talk with Bella about the incident on the way home, but he unfortunately kept running into a point where he felt like he ought to apologize for something. He'd certainly done nothing to keep their unexpected make out session to a minimum, welcoming everything Bella was willing to give at the time. And he hadn't managed a single word towards Newton once they'd been interrupted—glaring and posturing like some sort of caveman instead. Bella seemed fine with things and kept insisting that it was Mike's fault for seeing a need to interfere in the first place, but Edward still felt as though he'd let her down in some way—contributing to the _mess_ it had become rather than doing anything helpful to diffuse it.

However, what he didn't know was that while she had been disturbed by his initial response she was thoroughly turned on by the concept of her_ lion_ being so protective.  
It was one thing to talk about his connection with nature, to discuss the similarities he saw between himself and the mountain lion that had attacked him, but it was altogether different to witness that instinct. It was now clear to Bella that he had claimed her as his mate, and that he would do anything to keep her safe. That realization had provoked an unexpected yet intense need to express her gratitude and understanding; meaning that once Jasper arrived and had become available to keep Alice happily occupied, Bella was more than ready to call it a night.

"Shower." Edward had mumbled on their way down to Bella's room a short time later.  
She wasn't sure whether it was something she needed to respond to, as he was sometimes prone to random, idle chatter when he was feeling sleepy and let his guard down—a throwback to all of the time he usually spent by himself, talking aloud to periodically break the silence. So, it could have been a request, or invitation, or nothing of importance for all she knew, but Bella had decided to take it as an opportunity.

"May I join you?"  
Her polite inquiry came in the form of a quiet sigh, her hands reaching out to rest upon his shoulders and stall his progress as she followed him down the stairs. That was just before her lips found the side of his neck and attempted to sway his opinion.

Since returning from their camping trip out in the meadow they had yet to shower or bathe separately, but this was new. This _seduction_ was beyond what he might have expected. Usually there were a few shy moments and a nervous giggle or two each time they'd agree to this new arrangement. There had only had a few opportunities after all, and despite all of the kissing and touching that they were becoming use to, they still had a ways to go before this type of intimacy would seem entirely comfortable.

With that in mind, Edward stood motionless as he felt Bella's hands roam across his chest, slowly unbuttoning his shirt and caressing each bit of skin she managed to expose—that is until he remembered that they were still several steps away from the lower landing.  
Motivated by her eagerness and unwilling to have this moment ruined by another interruption—as his sister and her boyfriend were still in the living room above, Edward got them moving again.

He'd turned, wrapped his arms around and lifted her with ease, groaning with pleasure as her legs immediately locked around his waist. Five steps later they crashed into her bedroom door, their lips tasting and hands grasping at anything they could get hold of.

By the time Bella had successfully located the doorknob she was without her sweater and Edward's shirt had been tossed away. She found it strange that the only reason she'd even thought to fumble her way inside was hearing Edward growl the word "door" as soon as she gone for his belt. Had he not she felt sure they would have spent quite some time as they were, kissing and touching and undressing one another with total disregard for their location.

It was most likely the culmination of so many emotions finally colliding but whatever it truly was, it would seem as though Edward and Bella had somehow silently agreed to let things finally take their course. Earlier in the car, when they'd pulled off in front of Newton's they'd gotten just a taste of what was brewing; accentually alone, with no one around who would willingly interrupt, it was anyone's guess as to where this would end. Especially since kissing Bella was one of the only things Edward had ever found that could make his brain completely cease to function.  
He would have loved nothing more than to give in to that feeling tonight and enjoy a break from all that had been plaguing his mind, however he knew how important it was to move slowly and carefully within this relationship, particularly when it concerned anything of a physical nature.  
So, remembering his many promises and exactly what his role needed to be, Edward eventually located the strength to take a step back and try again.

He took hold of her hands, smiled his shy little smile and kissed her gently. His lips took their time lightly apologizing for whatever abuse they'd inflicted during the heated moments just before.  
When he was satisfied that they were once again on an even keel, he silently led her to the bathroom and made quick work of starting the shower. Slowly, he finished undressing her and then allowed her to do the same for him. Before long hands were dancing along wet naked skin and wordless smiles were being exchanged as wandering eyes took in the beauty of this situation. Between kisses and many a gentle caress Edward enjoyed massaging shampoo into Bella's hair, while she worked to lather soap over every inch of him—literally every inch.

Edward cleared his throat more than once the words threatening to choke him, and the feel of her hand gliding along his shaft threatening to incapacitate all sense of reason.

"I feel awfully selfish, like I'm taking advantage and able to offer you nothing in return." He confessed eventually, his body struggling to hold on, his heart pounding its way out of control.

"I have your promise right? And you've never denied me a kiss or an embrace." She reasoned.

It felt like the same old argument and Edward could come up with nothing new to say. He didn't have the strength or desire to say no after such an overwhelming day, but he promised that he would make it up to her, just like he'd always done in the past. But little did he know that his opportunity was already upon him.

Shortly after they had been rinsed clean, Bella flipped the drain plug and diverted the flow of water, thereby filling the tub before she returned to Edward's arms.

He didn't need any direction as he took the hint and settled into the tub. Bella immediately followed sitting in front of him between his legs, leaning back to recline against him.

There was hardly a moment that he wasn't thinking of her these days, and many of those thoughts were embarrassingly sexual in nature, but sharing these types of moments he knew that it didn't always have to be that way.

He'd never known the beauty and wonder of a woman's body, but with Bella he was finally learning to appreciate the extraordinary intricacies of the female form. He loved how with every touch her body seemed to shudder with pleasure and blush with desire; yet here, naked and cuddled together in a tub of hot steaming water, his needs satisfied for the time being, all he'd wanted to do was hold her.

"You are so beautiful, Baby." He whispered near her ear, loving how she ducked her head humbly at his praise.

"And you are wonderful for a girl's ego, you know that?" she offered in return.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he chuckled, thinking she was just playfully commenting on his previous statement.

"It means that you continually give me more than I ever thought possible."

She'd picked up one of his hands with both of her own as she spoke. She held it up as if inspecting it—turning it over, tracing his long fingers and the fine, worn callouses that seemed to decorate most them.

"I'm a different person since meeting you. You tell me I'm beautiful and hearing you say that makes me believe it. You tell me I can do something and I'm dying to try it. You tell me I'm safe with you and I know it, without a shadow of doubt."

Bella let his hand go and turned slightly so that she was partially facing him.

"Earlier at Newton's, when I got out of the car and sort of went off on Mike—that's not my usual way of responding to things. He pissed me off for sure, but he's done that a thousand times since I've known him and I've never been able to stand up and confront him in the past. And then you stepped in..."

Bella placed a hand against the side of his face and smiled for him to show her thanks. She'd been wanting to say it all along, but she needed him to understand exactly why this was so important to her. In order for that to happen they needed to be here and alone.

"I think somewhere in the back of my mind I knew you were there to support and protect me, and that gave me the strength to stand up for myself—for us."

He was suddenly able to see the entire situation in a different light. He hadn't been thinking about his actions or the consequences at the time, and that had frightened him beyond all imagination. Afterwards he worried that Bella would be upset with him for interfering, or at the very least for the way in which he did. Now he understood that Bella was just as surprised and confused by the whole encounter as he had been. The only difference was that she had already decided to count the experience as a positive one.

"I know that I can trust you." She promised as her other hand slowly wandered up the length of his thigh.

Edward's need was once again beginning to stir, but he'd convinced himself that he was okay. Bella's wandering touch was not helping matters though—and the way she kissed him? He was left wondering which way was up all of a sudden.

"Please, Edward." She groaned when his hands had remained abstinently at her waist.

"Tell me what you want, Baby." He quietly requested, before letting his lips wander away and towards her shoulder.

"Touch me"

"Where?"

"Damn it, Edward. I need you."

Edward lifted his head at that.

"Are you sure?"

The sound of water gently sloshing around them echoed in the silence. Bella nodded once and held his gaze, willing him to grant her wish.

"I'll give you what I can, Baby," he decided, after what had seemed like a lifetime to her, "but the rest will have to wait."

She bit into her lip as if contemplating his offer, but she understood what he was saying and found herself in complete agreement. Her expression was more to camouflage her nerves rather than signify some sort of internal debate. She already knew that Edward was right, this wasn't part of their original plan—a plan she believed was for the best. And this was exactly why she'd placed her trust in him. They could certainly try for more, but how much would depend on a firm understanding of where this would ultimately lead them.

So at the risk of his own sanity and with her consent, Edward had chosen to give Bella all the passion she desired, his hands closing over her breasts, tangling in her hair and fondling her curves. It was a slow and careful process as he waited for her approval in everything, but when he felt her grinding against him and whimpering for more, he gave in and helped to guide her position until she was again sitting in front of him between his legs.  
Facing away from him she could not see his expression, nor what his intentions were, but she felt safe and comfortable there in his arms. It was all the confirmation she'd needed to know that she was indeed ready.

He whispered softly to her as his hands began to roam, first up her legs and then back down again.

"We're going to be all alone soon. And we can stay as long as you like. There is no schedule so far as I'm concerned."

His hands has repeated the previous circuit along her legs and were now caressing their way upward across her middle. Had she been able to focus on anything other than the feelings he'd created and the beating of her heart, Bella might have noticed how badly he was shaking.

"I'll make love to you then, Baby—show you how precious you are to me."

His lips moved across her shoulders and up to the curve of her ear, his fingers slowly curling over her breasts.

"But for now I need you to show me what I can do to make you feel good."

Bella's body trembled at the sound of his voice, so deep and smooth. She laced her fingers with those of his right hand and redirected their path without another thought, her left hand reaching back to anchor his mouth to a wonderful spot he'd located at the base of her neck.

Her body involuntarily lurched against the foreignness of his touch, and the sound of his name as it escaped her was in a word—desperate.  
His immediate response was to try and pull away, but her iron grip kept him from doing so. Terrified of screwing this up or worse, drawing forth some type of fearful reaction from Bella was likely the only thing that prevented a severe moment of panic from overwhelming Edward at the time. And thankfully he was able to remember that Bella was putting her trust in his hands. It had been the reason behind his earlier explanation and why he'd felt the need to give her this in the first place. If he continued to deny her due to his fear, what did that say about his own trust?

"We're okay, Baby. It's me, love." He reminded her in a soothing voice, trying for her sake to remain calm and allow her this if she still wanted it.

He couldn't help wishing for a moment that they weren't in the bath, and that his hands hadn't been warmed by the water. And he knew that he could have also insisted they wait a day or so before agreeing to this—at least until his beard had grown a bit. Perhaps then Bella might have been able to relax and know for certain that the man making her feel this way was someone who loved and adored her—someone who would never cause her harm.

"Would it be better if you could see me?" he wondered.

Bella was already too far gone however to respond. The idea alone was enough to make her shiver with pleasure; having Edward actually caress her in such an intimate way for the first time was indeed more than she knew how to handle. He hadn't needed to do a thing. Her body rocked against the pressure of his hand, seemingly of its own accord, and before either of them knew it she was writhing beneath his touch, stunned at the ease and simplicity of an act she'd been conditioned to fear so long ago.

He'd held her for a long while, until the water had turned tepid and their combined heartbeats had finally started to lessen. Bella was sluggish and a bit off kilter thanks to the intensity of her orgasm, but Edward hadn't minded at all. He took great pleasure in caring for her needs—toweling her body dry and gently brushing out her tangled mess of hair.  
When he had finished he offered his favorite flannel shirt for her to change into, however Bella had had another idea. She stood before him and very slowly pulled the folds of her towel away.  
Taken by the sight of her body, blushing from the pleasure of his attention, Edward hadn't realized what she was doing until his own towel, which had been secured about his waist was missing as well.  
Silently she took his hand and led him to bed.

They'd spoken quietly for more than an hour exchanging kisses and smiles until they'd drifted peacefully into another type of dream.

It was a nice surprise for Edward to have Bella initiating this type of intimacy. Despite the steady progress they seemed to be continually making he still had concerns, and worried about which moment might finally prove to be too much. Thanks to her courage however, he was enjoying a renewed sense of confidence this morning.

He rocked back slightly and felt the weight of her body move with him, blessedly naked and soft as ever. Taking a breath to steady his heartbeat, Edward laced his fingers with the hand she had resting against his belly. She reacted immediately leaning into him even further, her fingers gripping his and her lips greeting the curve of his neck.

"Morning." He chuckled, knowing for sure that she was awake when her kisses continued.

She hummed at the sound of his morning voice, which made his pulse quicken.  
"Did you sleep well, Baby?" he asked, while slowly turning towards her. She hummed again, this time from the delightful feel of his mouth as it located the upper swell of her right breast.

She knew that Edward rarely slept in more than his boxers when he was home, and often less than that if the weather called for it, but she could never claim to have done the same—aside from the brief attempt that night in the meadow that is. And even though she and Edward had been more open to the idea of changing clothes around one another and showering together since their return, she'd never found the right opportunity to try again until now.  
Last night had been perfect for so many reasons and Bella was determined to take advantage while she could. But she hadn't counted on how wonderful the experience would be.

The slightest contact with any and everything, whether it be the soft cotton sheets or the inviting warmth of Edward's body excited her senses in ways she was unfamiliar with.

"I may never want to wear clothes to bed again." She giggled, despite color immediately spreading across her face and chest.

"You won't hear me complain." He promised, his face still nuzzling her chest and his morning erection firmly trapped beneath him.

It could be so easy—all of this. Talking to one another had become second nature in such a short amount of time. Holding hands and kissing, touching, it was all very simple. With trust and understanding anything was possible.

Edward was however beginning to wonder how possible it might be to go drag Bella away from his mother and have her help him with a not so little problem that had come up while thinking about how masterfully she'd been able to _help_ him this morning.

He was now in his father's garage performing some additional maintenance on Bella's truck, but every time he moved he was made aware that his jeans were feeling awfully snug this afternoon. These days Edward's body needed very little encouragement and after such an eventful night/morning his imagination was determined to take him on quite a journey. He saw her everywhere. Leaning against the old workbench, lying across the vinyl seat of her truck, crawling over….

"Hey, Son."

"Son of a…"

"Shouldn't talk about your grandmother that way." Carlisle chuckled seeing how startled Edward had been by his unexpected greeting.

"I swear you're trying to give me a heart attack. Don't you have enough excitement down at the hospital without scaring the hell out of people?"

His frustrated rant made his father laugh, so Edward gave up and tossed his wrench aside in favor of a screwdriver and kept on working.

"Need some help?" Carlisle pleasantly offered, unaware that Edward had been looking for exactly that, just not in the way he was offering.

"Nah, I'm pretty well done actually. What are Mom and Bella up to?" He didn't mean to change the subject so quickly but his only desire at the moment was to be with his girlfriend, not his father and her old truck.

"Shopping for furniture—some website Alice recommended. Thank goodness Bella's got some pull with your mother otherwise you'd probably be broke by now, or trying to figure out how to sit on some funky three legged chair she found."

"I told Bella she could come out here with me." Edward shook his head, accepting the cold beer his father was offering from the mini-fridge he use to keep sodas in as a boy.

"She seems to be having fun. Besides, looks like you'd have a hard time getting any work done with that kind of distraction around."

He didn't have to puzzle over what his father was talking about, thanks to a wink and a nod meant to indicate that Edward's situation wasn't very well hidden. He could feel heat flooding his features, but he couldn't deny the truth of Carlisle's statement. What was he supposed to do, say it isn't what you think?  
Knowing that wouldn't get him anywhere he just gave his father a shy grin and shrugged his shoulders instead. The gesture earned him an understanding pat on his back as his dad moved around to have a look under the hood of Bella's truck.

He hadn't expected it but the moment gave him a great sense of pride. Especially since it wasn't long ago at all that a similar discussion would have sent Edward into an emotional tailspin.

"You've checked the brakes and rotated the tires I take it?"

Edward nodded and went on to tell his father of all that he'd been working on.

"You know I've always thought that with a little body work and some paint this thing could be quite a collector's item."

"You can't have my truck, Old Dude." Bella chimed in.

"Who said anything about having it? I was thinking that Edward could fix it up for you."

"Don't listen to him. You're beautiful just the way you are." Bella told the beat up Chevy while affectionately stroking its fender.

Edward took a step closer and smiled as he let his hands settle at her waist, looking over her shoulder.  
"Not as beautiful as you." He whispered quietly, though he couldn't pretend that his father wouldn't overhear. At this point however, he didn't really care, he'd be happy to tell the entire world exactly how he felt about this girl.

"As long as he's healthy and happy, that's all that matters." Bella decided.  
She couldn't make eye contact with Carlisle, but she was flattered by the idea that Edward was finally comfortable flirting with her in front of someone besides his sister. All the same the gentle kiss he'd placed on her cheek made her blush and giggle like a schoolgirl.

"Jealous." Carlisle pretended to huff, "I'm going off to find your mother. You kids shouldn't be the only two having fun." And with that he took his beer and went off towards the house, leaving Edward and Bella to do as they pleased without an audience to consider.

"Your Dad's gonna get the wrong idea about us, Edward." She warned as he took advantage of their privacy.

"He's a perv, Baby. The only idea he is capable of is the wrong one." Edward's hands had wandered from her hips and over the curve of her ass now, as his mouth lightly soothed, the unintentional love bite he'd given her the night before.

There had been a rather comical moment first thing this morning when Alice was the first to discover its presence.

"Fucking hell, people! Is this what you call keeping it PG around here?"

"It's not like he did it with you watching." Bell had defended, her hand covering the mark as if a negative comment might offend it. She'd then left the kitchen to go downstairs and replace her t-shirt with something that had a collar. When she returned to find Edward sporting a rather smug expression, she had taken her hair down as well.

She would find out later when they were on the way over to his parents' so that he could work on her truck this afternoon, that Alice had begrudgingly commended him on his placement of said hickey.

"Well if you're gonna mark your territory at least you had the decency to keep it discreet." She'd sighed, but with a congratulatory wink.

It was a hard thing to ignore such praise from his sister, hence the prideful smirk in the first place, but Edward would be lying if he didn't feel some sense of accomplishment just because. He was moving forward by leaps and bounds into a world he'd never thought possible, and he was doing alright. With their latest achievement there were only so many things left to conquer and beyond that the sky was the limit. For the first time in his life Edward felt normal and capable, and it was because of Bella. Her confidence gave him courage; and now her trust had given him freedom.

"What are we doing?" Bella had giggled as Edward awkwardly opened the passenger door of her truck. He kissed her again and helped her climb in, before closing the door. He indicated that he would be right back and hurriedly went to wash up in the utility sink across the way. Using his shirt as a towel he'd returned without putting it back on and jumped into the truck to find a very eager Bella waiting for him.

"Please tell me we're going someplace nearby." She begged.

"I couldn't wait more than a minute anyway." He promised throwing the truck in gear and pulling out of the garage.  
He could only imagine sneaking off with Bella to make out in the woods behind his parents' house as a teenager, but that's certainly what this felt like. And he'd like to think that if he'd met her back then the outcome would have been similar. She could bring him out of his shell and spark his ambition no matter the time or place, because they were meant to be.

Edward pulled off the road just past the entrance to his parents' drive, and rolled to a stop in roughly the same place that he and Bella had parked before on the morning they had first visited the meadow. He killed the engine and slide from under the steering wheel. Bella met him immediately and leaped into his arms.

"Tomorrow can't come soon enough, Sweetheart." She informed him.

"But it will" He confidently promised.


	47. Chapter 47

A/N: I didn't see this one coming, but then again I never do…I think I just needed a lil more quality time with the Old Dude, but we ended up with a whole lot more.

Chapter 47

"You got run out of there too?" Carlisle chuckled as he saw Jasper come into the kitchen out of the corner of his eye. He didn't bother to put aside his reading until he heard him rattling around in the refrigerator and eventually the chair sitting opposite from him lightly scrape across the floor.  
Esme and Alice were still trying to spend Edward's money and it would seem as though Jasper had finally lost interest in the home décor seminar as well.

"Looks like we're on supper detail." He was told as another beer was placed next to the empty bottle he'd been wanting to replace for a while now. Carlisle smiled at its appearance and finally tossed his paper down.

"What do you think pizza or Chinese?"  
It wasn't that he didn't feel like cooking, but he didn't really feel like cooking. He was too busy enjoying the unexpected day off he'd been granted thanks to a light patient load at the hospital this week, and the novelty of it had somehow made him feel all kinds of lazy today.

"Definitely Chinese; between Edward and Bella if I have to see tomato sauce or any type of white cheese for the next month I'm going to be forced to stop eating altogether."

"Poor baby. Home cooked Italian made by Bella Swan—what a tragedy."

"Maybe I could fake an allergy to olive oil." Jasper mused with a rather impish grin.

"You're an idiot, son." He was informed as they shared a laugh and sat back enjoying their beer.

"Can I ask you something?" Jasper wondered after a prolonged moment of silence.

"It's more believable if you claim an allergy to garlic as opposed to olive oil."

Jasper laughed despite himself. He truly enjoyed Alice's father and his ridiculous sense of humor.

"Actually it's about Bella and Edward…and me and Alice I guess."

All traces of humor had disappeared and Jasper suddenly seemed rather tense—a highly unusual occurrence. Carlisle regarded him for a brief second before giving his consent to continue. He'd been expecting some form of this conversation for a while now, so he may as well invite the inevitable.

"Has Edward talked to you at all about he and Bella?"

"In what way?"

"You know, their relationship, how things are going—what sort of plans he has."

Carlisle was kicked back in his chair and had his beer bottle resting against his belly, his fingers laced together around it. He watched for a moment as his thumb nail picked at the label, before shaking his head.  
This was one hell of a lot harder than he'd anticipated.

"Not really. I do know they're getting on well."

He knew a lot about how Edward thought and he saw a lot of himself in his son, especially now, but he wasn't prepared to speculate over something so complex. Besides if he was right, this was really more about Jasper and Alice than it was about Edward or Bella.

"You know, Alice and I have been together a long time, and I don't want to sound umm…" He trailed off uncertainly looking for a word, but he couldn't seem to find the right one.

Carlisle sighed quietly and smiled at the boy sitting across from him. He _was_ an idiot.

"Edward's not going anywhere. And Bella—she is doing great."  
He'd decided to let Jasper off the hook and inform him that his intuition was working just fine these days. He could see right through the roundabout way that Jasper had chosen to address this matter.  
"If you're finally ready to insist that you and Alice need to come first, I seriously doubt that anyone's going to hold that against you."

"I just know that Alice worries so much about both of them; and Bella, well she's never…"

"She's never stopped either of you from doing whatever you wanted."

"I thought about maybe talking to Edward, but the last thing I want to do is make him uncomfortable or have it seem like I'm putting pressure on them so that I can have what I want." He sighed, "And frankly I'm a little overprotective when it comes to Bells anyway. I can't wrap my head around the idea of handing her over to someone else."

Carlisle had to laugh at that. Did he really think he'd get any sympathy for that one, when he obviously wanted Alice's father to do just that?  
Idiot.

"Please just say it."

Jasper looked up to see Carlisle sitting there his elbows on the table now, his body leaning forward, ready to accept whatever was coming.

"I'm going to be in Portland for a few days this week, but when I get back I was hoping to ask Alice something very important." He dug in his pocket and produced a small velvet box which he placed on the table in front of her father.

"I'm flattered, really, but I like the one I have just fine." He teased, wiggling the finger which held the wedding band he'd worn for twenty-eight years. "It is kinda pretty though."

A broad smile indicated his appreciation for the light and playful way that he'd chosen to respond so Carlisle finally gave his blessing with an "It's about damn time."  
Sarcasm worked for these two so much better than serious conversation.  
With that settled Carlisle had gotten up from the table with his empty bottles so that he could toss them out and flicked Jasper in the back of his head, only to be startled by the sound of Edward's voice echoing through the house.

He knew that they were back from wherever they had gone since Bella's truck, even with the improvements Edward had managed, still had quite a rumble about it. Neither of them had come inside however so he hadn't expected to hear his son, nor the panicked tone of his voice.

They had indeed been out in the garage enjoying a bit more alone time and straightening up the mess his work had created at Bella's suggestion. It was getting late and she knew that they would be obligated to stick around for dinner at this point. She also knew that if Edward made an appearance inside he'd never get back out here to clean up if his mother had anything to say about it. She was already in full blown shopping mode, and Alice's car had shown up in the meantime which meant they would have teamed up by now.  
Attempting to save him from the torture and selfishly looking for a few more kisses before they'd have to deal with everyone, Bella had been rather persuasive in offering to help with whatever he wished.

Having a beautiful assistant to help him straighten up the garage was a wonderful treat, but what he'd really wished for was another try at getting her off, this time without all of the complications from before. He wanted to take his time and make it less about need and more about pleasure—show her that it could be even better.  
The opportunities had been limited though.  
This morning Bella had seemed reluctant to try again so soon, requesting cuddles and kisses instead, before blindsiding him with the most amazing hand job he'd received thus far. And just now out in the woods it had seemed too awkward, knowing that they would have to return and spend time with his family before the night was done. All the same he was feeling a little better with her assurance that tomorrow would be all about them, and that she was impatiently looking forward to it.  
The wait wouldn't be that long, since as soon as he'd signed off on the new house they would say farewell and be headed to Colorado for however long it took to pack up his necessary belongings and satisfy their desires. So for now he was willing to do whatever she pleased, which happily still involved a lot of contact.

They'd split up responsibilities to make things more efficient—him reorganizing the tool chest and her sweeping up a pile of metal shavings and other debris that had been scattered about. That is until he'd become bored with the silence and turned on some music. They came together then and enjoyed a nice slow turn about the garage in one another's arms, dancing to an old jazz tune his father obviously enjoyed.

"Where do these go?" Bella inquired after they'd recovered from a prolonged kiss and a few laughs about how they'd never finish this unless he found something else, perhaps less sensual to play.

Edward pointed out a utility cabinet in the far corner which housed most of the power tools and went back to picking through the sockets and screwdrivers littering the workbench.

Her voice was flat at first but the tone quickly changed to include a measure of pain and then panic.

"Ow. Edward? Oh my…Edward!"

He'd turned to find her falling back onto her bottom and her hand immediately grasping her left ankle. She didn't even see him move but he was at her side in an instant.

"Shit, Baby. What happened?" His presence was comforting, as was his concern, but she couldn't seem to speak or focus on what he was asking.

"It hurts." She whined, rocking forward her eyes closed and her head spinning from the scent of blood which had quickly appeared.

Edward's instinct had been to study her expression and take hold of her shoulders at first, but he now realized that his main concern was the injury to her ankle. Turning to see that blood had now soaked into her jeans and was covering her hand he swore again and redirected his attention.

"It's alright, let me see." He pleaded.

He knew that she had a significant aversion to blood, especially her own. The deep gash he had uncovered was bleeding profusely now and he felt his stomach drop at the sight.

"Bella?"  
He'd felt her hand gripping his shoulder, twisting its way into his shirt as he studied her wound but he wasn't prepared for the panic of having her hand go slack and fall away as she'd fainted.

"Dammit Baby." He'd choked in frustration, "Don't do this to me, please."  
He worked quickly, unwilling to leave her and go for help. He ripped the sleeve off of his shirt and he pulled the tear in her pant leg open even further. It wasn't the cleanest option, but it was better than nothing as he wrapped her leg in an attempt to staunch the flow of blood.  
As soon as he was done he'd scooped her up, found his voice and cried out for his father.

Carlisle had dropped everything, literally—one of his beer bottles breaking across the floor when he'd noticed Edward carrying Bella up the back steps, his hands and her leg covered in blood.

"What the hell happened?" he asked rushing outside and taking some of her weight from his son, while Jasper held open the door and ushered them in.

He was panting and out of breath from emotion as tears drowned out any attempt at an explanation. In getting Carlisle's attention his voice had stirred Bella back to consciousness—moaning and clinging to him, and it had been his undoing.

"I'm sorry, Baby. It's gonna be okay. I love you." He rambled uncontrollably, his hands shaking violently as he tried to caress her face and offer some comfort.

"Esme!" Carlisle had called once he got a look at Bella's leg and determined that it was bad enough to need stitches. "Go grab my bag from the living room," he then instructed Jasper in a calm voice, "key's on the third shelf."

As Jasper ran off to do his bidding Esme came around the corner and stopped short at the scene she'd encountered.

"Oh my…"

"Hon, I'm gonna need some alcohol and a few towels. A bowl of water too." He cut off her startled response in hopes that her emotions wouldn't make Edward's any worse. Plus of all the people in the house at the moment he knew she would be his best choice of an assistant.  
Alice was prone to overreaction and Jasper needed to keep her calm. And Edward—well he was past the point of doing anything more than what he had already.

Esme nodded mutely and grabbed a large bowl and several kitchen towels. As soon as she'd delivered the water she ran off to the bathroom so that she could find their first aid kit, passing Jasper on his way back with Carlisle medical bag.

"Go find Alice and keep her busy." He was told immediately but it was too late, as she'd already ventured in on all of the commotion.

"Bella! Oh no!" Jasper intercepted her as she made to rush over. She'd gotten Edward's attention though and when he looked up the pain in his eyes made Jasper's knees weaken.

"Dad?" Alice pleaded instead.

"She's gonna be fine. I just need to get a few stitches in place." He informed the room.

And he was right. Her blood had already started to clot and fortunately it was a clean wound—sizable and deep but far better than it could have been. In the end she had taken a shot of Lidocaine, twelve stitches and a tetanus booster but she would be just fine—especially once all of the blood could be cleaned.  
After Carlisle had surveyed and bandaged the stitched up wound he checked Bella's vital signs and seemed pleased, though he was still tempted to inject Edward with a tranquilizer while he was busy doling out shots; but as luck would have it Alice had come in handy after all.

"Bubby, we need to get Bella something to change into, and we need to clean you up. The sooner she's away from all of this the better she'll feel."  
Alice had been keeping a steady hand on her brother's shoulder as he clutched Bella's hand and knelt beside her. She was stroking his hair now and kissed his temple as he stared at his blood covered hands in disbelief.

"Okay." He whispered uncertainly, kissing Bella's hand once more before trying to get on his feet.  
He was unsteady and watching Alice's little frame attempt to help him would have been comical had it not been so endearingly sweet.

Once Edward had been removed from the situation the others began working to quickly to clean up Bella, and the immediate space after Jasper had carried her over to the now towel covered sofa.

"You okay, darlin'?" Jasper asked as he sat next to her brushing a lock of hair away from her eyes when he'd noticed her slowly coming around again. She'd been drifting in and out but Carlisle had explained that it was okay and not unusual for many people to respond in such a way. All the same Jasper was glad to see her awake.

She nodded her head, too embarrassed by the situation to try speaking.

"Need anything, something to drink?" She nodded again.

Carlisle recommended some diluted orange juice as Jasper walked past them and back into the kitchen. He stopped and looked over the mess they'd left behind in such a hurry to see what had happened. He grabbed the broom and quickly swept up the glass and took a damp towel to the bit of beer that had splashed over the tile. When he stood he noticed the little box he'd left sitting on the kitchen table.

He sighed heavily and went to retrieve it. He opened the top and stood staring at the diamond he'd picked out while he was away on his last trip. He had to figure that it was fate when his return flight had included such a long layover in L.A. right when he'd finally decided it was time to propose to Alice. And it seemed to be further confirmed when the jeweler he'd visited had just what he'd been looking for.  
He closed the box and shoved it back into his pocket.  
He wasn't opposed to a long engagement if that's what was necessary, but he was definitely ready for the next step in their relationship. Having the additional surprise of Edward's visit greet him when he'd returned and then the discovery of Bella's interest in him, he'd almost decided that the stars were aligned and the moon was right where it needed to be. It gave him all the more reason to move forward.  
Bella was happy and taken care of. Edward was once again a part of Alice's daily life, and therefore she could be happy knowing that everyone was right where they wanted to be. It meant that they could finally focus on one another, and where _they_ wanted to be.

When Jasper managed to return with Bella's drink he found that Edward was back and he was once again hovering over her with Alice at his side. He'd had a fleeting moment of doubt just before, thinking about how emotionally invested she was when it came to these two. He wasn't sure that she was ready to relinquish her role with either of them just yet, and if she were to become his wife he worried that she would feel torn between obligations.

Seeing her now he realized how foolish that line of thinking had been. Her love and devotion to others was one of her best traits and one of the first things he'd come to love about her. He'd never believe her capable of turning off her feelings and he'd never expect her to for his sake.

"Here you go, Bells." He sympathetically offered her the glass.

Edward adjusted his position helping her to sit up so that she could take a sip and gave Jasper and look of thanks.

"I've got some of Mom's things for you to change into if you're ready." Alice kindly offered when Bella had settled again. She was still feeling lightheaded and dizzy so she was more than willing to get changed out of her bloody clothes, but she wasn't sure that she was _ready _to move just yet.

"It's alright, Baby. I'll help." Edward caringly offered, having noticed and interpreted her indecision.  
Alice sighed at this tender side of her brother, but she worried over how hard he was driving himself right now. He could hardly hold himself up as he'd waited for her to find him something to wear from their father's closet, and she'd heard him quietly sobbing as she'd waited outside for him to wash up and change. She understood his need to take care of Bella right now, but she believed that he might want to take care of himself for a moment as well.

"How about I help Bella? You could go find out where her glasses ended up." Alice offered. Bella's expression was one of relief so Alice knew that she'd been right to suggest the alternative. Edward needed some time to calm down and he wasn't going to get that if he were constantly reminded of Bella's injury.

"I'm alright, Sweetheart. Go sit down for a few minutes while Alice makes me pretty again."  
Edward still seemed reluctant but at Bella's request he was considering it. Finally he took a deep breath and bent to kiss her forehead.  
"You're fucking gorgeous already." He whispered making her smile. It was all the confirmation she'd needed to know that he was nervous as hell. He only talked like that in front of her when he was truly out of sorts and shaken by emotion.

"I'll be right back." He offered then, standing and letting Alice take over.

"Love you." Bella had mouthed for him before he moved away.

If he trusted anyone to take care of Bella the way that he would it was Alice, so even though he felt like it should be his responsibility he was willing to step back. He could tell that Bella saw how hard this was for him, and he knew that she was only trying to protect him. Had he felt stronger just now he might have insisted, but Bella was right—he really needed a minute to relax.

He couldn't recall a time when he'd ever felt so scared and helpless. His love for her, though it had forced him to act, had crippled his overall ability to function. Thank god for his father being home and available. Had he needed to get her to the hospital instead of just up to the house he wasn't sure he could have accomplished it—his moment of adrenaline and reasoning being as short lived as it was.

"Here man. You look like you could use this as much as she did." Jasper offered another glass of orange juice, once Alice and Esme had helped Bella off of the couch and into the nearest bathroom.

"Thanks." Edward said quietly accepting the drink and wandering off through the backdoor.

He chugged down the juice and deposited the glass on the porch railing as he headed towards the garage.  
Bella's glasses had come off when she'd fallen so Edward had to assume that they'd still be out there. What he hadn't thought of however was the type of reaction he'd have to seeing what they'd left behind in his haste to get her inside. His father had though, and he was already on his hands and knees, scrubbing away at the concrete floor where Bella had been hurt and bleeding only a short while ago.

Wordlessly Edward had walked over and picked up the angle grinder from its place on the floor. He'd changed out the sanding blade in favor of a cutting wheel so that he could change her truck's old, rusted out muffler with one he'd ordered last week, and in turn he'd set up the disaster that had taken place a few hours later.

Carlisle had stopped what he was doing as soon as he'd noticed Edward come into the garage and he sat waiting and watching unsure of what to expect. He figured he'd speak eventually or maybe even walk away after a few minutes but he never anticipated the angry tantrum that actually followed.

The sound that had left his son could hardly be described as human and the power with which he'd hurled the electric grinder into the wall had left a gaping hole in the wooden siding.  
He should have thought to consider his own safety but he'd been too concerned for Edward to think beyond the immediate need of getting him under control before he destroyed anything else or worse, hurt himself.

Fortunately or otherwise Edward was already done by the time his father had laid a hand on his shoulder. He seemed to sag under the weight of it and then crumble altogether. Carlisle didn't say a thing as Edward reached out and locked him in a bone crushing hug—he just stood there, held his son and let him cuss and cry.

"I didn't…even. I didn't tell her to be careful or anything," Edward finally managed, "and I know damn well how clumsy she can be."

"She's fine, Edward." Carlisle cautiously ventured. He knew better than to contradict someone who was suffering the way Edward was. And certainly the last thing that he would want to hear was that this wasn't his fault, even though it wasn't.

"I don't know what I'd do…if ever…if she. I can't even."

"Son, look at me." Carlisle pleaded. He was no good with doom and gloom and he hated to see Edward being so hard on himself. He'd done exactly what he should have and no one was questioning his love for Bella right now. As to what any man would do if something tragic were to happen to their significant other, it was anyone's guess. What he needed him to understand though, was that it was worth the risk.

"Life is going to happen no matter what. There is nothing we can do to prevent certain things from going wrong. But I know for a fact that Bella would be royally pissed if she thought you were going to invest in a case of bubble wrap and install a padded room in that new house of yours just to keep her safe."

Edward's eyes were downcast and he was rubbing at his chest in an uncomfortable manner—his nerves really doing a number on him. He didn't comment on what his father had said although he knew he was right. He instead chose to nod and slumped back against the truck's bumper. He rested there quietly for another moment, his hands fisting into the fabric of his borrowed trousers before he looked up and sighed.

"Thanks Dad." He simply said and got up to retrieve Bella's glasses from the workbench where Carlisle had placed them.

"Do me a favor?" Edward's father requested before he could leave.  
Edward turned back around and succumbed to a little smile when he saw his father grinning. "Tell your mom to order dinner from that Italian place that Bella likes so much. She needs to eat something if she can."

Edward nodded again and went back to check on Bella. He was still shaken by everything that had happened and he felt terrible for making his father deal with yet another one of his breakdowns, but thankfully he felt as though he'd survive now.  
He should have stuck around for another minute though since he might have enjoyed seeing his father's little victory dance.

"Jasper's going hungry tonight." He sang in a happy little voice. "Idiot."


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

Edward and Bella both felt as though there were a thousand things that needed their attention at the moment, but they couldn't bring themselves to split up and independently see to those issues. Instead they'd basically set up shop in the kitchen sitting across from one another, lists and information laid out before each of them as they worked to finish obligations and create itineraries for the next few days.

"Are you sure you'll have time to come with me tomorrow morning? I understand if there's too much…"

"I wouldn't miss it, Edward. You know that I want to be there for you."

"It's just that between packing and finishing that last manuscript…"

"I already told you it's as good as done, and I'm not about to leave you on such an important day."

Her reassurance was so heartfelt and genuine that Edward noticed a tingle take up residence in his stomach. It was the same type of sensation that often accompanied the most intimate moments they'd shared. It was a feeling that made him grin—not because he was reliving some exquisite moment of release, but because he was able to appreciate the simplicity of it all. Here they were sitting at the kitchen table, doing the most mundane type of activity he could imagine and yet Bella was able to turn his insides into mush, with nothing more than a promise and a smile.  
"I love you, Bella." He promised in return.

"And I love you both. Now which one of you wants to come okay my packing?"

Edward thought about removing his hand from Bella's knee and they both hesitated briefly while thinking that they might pull away and return to a more acceptable sitting posture, instead of leaning into one another the way they were. But what would be the point?

Alice sighed heavily while her brother proceeded to kiss her best friend in a manner that had her ready to blush for them—or at least blush from the realization that her brother had somehow developed some mad skills. Maybe watching every movie ever made over the past fifteen years had some useful benefits after all—_Take that, every guy who ever said that chick flicks had no point!_ She decided.

Not long after that was settled, Bella found herself sitting in the middle of her bed. She was surrounded by piles of clothing and an overly helpful Alice, but things could have been worse. At least she and Edward had been able to talk, and as a result their trip to Colorado was still on for tomorrow. At this point she'd be willing to endure just about anything to make sure that this trip was officially a go.

"I know Edward recommended sweaters and jeans, but I'm still throwing in a little pretty just in case." Alice giggled, while flitting about the room like a mad woman.

"Alice, we're going to be in the middle of nowhere for like three days, packing and cleaning up an old cabin. What in the world do I need a silk blouse or a…" Bella held up the smallest excuse for a skirt she'd ever come across. She was certain that she'd never seen, much less purchased such a thing, but with Alice around who could predict what random bits of fashion might pop up on occasion.  
"What is this exactly?"

"It's a micro-mini."

"I'm pretty sure I have a belt that is capable of covering more than this."

"Fine, fine. With or without the skirt you still have to take these." Alice changed tactics.  
Bella suddenly found herself holding a skimpy pair of lace panties and a bra to match. They were beautiful and blue and most likely expensive—as the tags still attached to them would indicate as soon as Bella bothered to look.

"Alice!"

"What?"  
The innocence in her voice was poorly executed and the mischievous grin did nothing to validate it. All the same, Bella found herself smiling despite the initial reaction.

It was weird having Edward's sister be so openly in favor of their ever-growing intimacy, but she would hardly expect anything less from her best friend. Alice was always looking out for her best interests and she was never one to skimp on the enthusiasm.

"New and exciting relationship—lots of alone time together; no one else around? I'm just sayin'."

Bella couldn't seem to find her voice, and the blush coloring much of her skin gave away her level of discomfort—or perhaps her level of agreement.  
In her mind she knew that there was no way Alice could know for sure that what Edward and Bella were both looking forward to most about this trip involved the very thing she was not so subtly hinting at. Bella's bashful side however wasn't convinced of that just yet. Before, in the kitchen when Edward had kissed her, she hadn't minded. This was Alice after all; it was nothing she hadn't seen them do before. And were she to be honest, Bella had enjoyed the knowledge that Edward loved her enough to put aside his shyness and express that love despite their company. It showed her that his commitment to this relationship had become so much stronger than the slew of other issues they were made to deal with.

Still, she was unable to maintain the conversation suddenly, much less eye contact. Needing a moment to collect herself, Bella self-consciously pulled Edward's leather coat which had been lying nearby into her lap and buried her face in its collar. It was the best reminder she had of her earliest memories involving Edward.  
His core scent was still the same—enticing and indescribable, but the longer he stayed here, sharing her room and often washing his laundry with hers, the fewer intricacies she could decipher day to day. This coat however still possessed every little bit of his masculine essence. She usually found his presence both calming and comforting. Since he wasn't available just now—still upstairs and busy, pouring over the documents his mother had sent home with them in preparation for his home purchase tomorrow, she had to make do with what was.

She just needed a minute to think and consider what, if anything she had to say on the matter. She had always known that Alice would be one of her greatest allies if she were to pursue this and all it could involve, however she'd also known that it could be rather uncomfortable to seek the type of advice or support she might desire most.

Utilizing Edward's coat had been a wise decision as it gave Alice more fuel for her current line of thinking and another opportunity to speak her mind.  
"You two have been absolutely inseparable for the past few weeks, and you've been sharing this bed for most of it—as if I needed any other proof besides the way my poor brother practically melts whenever you look at him."  
Alice's persistent observations managed to echo many of Bella's own thoughts, but in far greater detail than she was willing to admit.  
It was still one hell of a compliment though—to think she could actually make Edward Cullen _melt_.

"I can't believe I'm actually gonna ask this…"  
Alice was just as lost in her own little world as Bella had become, shuffling around, folding clothes and rambling on, while her friend sat with her leg propped up on a pair of pillows, as her father had recommended and her brother had insisted upon.  
Earlier this afternoon, she had been so moved by the level of love and devotion, not to mention understanding, that she had seen expressed by these two people who she loved so dearly. The blissful grin plastered across her best friend's face right now, along with having seen the way they'd been interacting as of late had her dying to know how Bella was coping. She couldn't imagine anything coming between Bella and her brother at this point, so it somehow made the words seem easier.

"Is it like you thought? I mean it's_ good_—right?"

Hearing any amount of hesitation or uncertainty from Alice was unusual, and it would go a long way in explaining Bella's confusion—once she and Alice actually determined that they weren't exactly discussing the same thing, that is.

"It's way better than good, Alice. Your brother, he's so amazing."

Alice thought she was prepared to hear something of that nature, unfortunately she still found herself at a loss. On the one hand she was fighting the urge to wrap Bella up in a gigantic hug, and on the other she was struggling to keep her dinner from reappearing. Why she'd wanted to ask about this in the first place was suddenly a mystery. She just knew that she wanted to be there and be willing to share this with her best friend. If only the guy in question wasn't her brother she'd be begging for every little detail. But as it was just hearing the word_ amazing_ was threatening to surpass her limit.

"It was really awkward at times in the beginning—I guess it is for most people though, you know, that don't have our issues to consider, but he loves to talk now and that makes everything so much easier. And he's so good at listening too. Like earlier tonight at your Mom and Dad's; he could have totally been a jerk about it and just demanded that we do things his way, but he was so willing to hear me out and take my feelings into consideration."

"At Mom and Dad's?" Alice swayed slightly and found herself clutching one of Edward's t-shirts to her chest. She didn't know whether to be impressed or horrified by this bit of information. Just the fact that Bella was willing to share had been somewhat unexpected; hearing such a confession was _way_ more than she'd anticipated.

"Well, yeah. I couldn't wait. And after all the trial and error that we have been through with this type of thing, we had to finally agree that if we feel a need there's really no sense in putting things off."

"Holy hell!" Alice finally snapped. "How many…I mean how long? Bella, I think, at least I hope that I'm super confused right now. Are you telling me that you and Edward just…? Shit."

Bella was laughing hysterically now, since she could suddenly see so much of Edward's personality manifesting in his sister, who was usually his opposite in so many ways. It was a strange thing to see her tongue-tied or swearing over anything.

"What's wrong, Alice?" she asked in a very amused tone, which did nothing to calm her friend.

"_I've_ never even had sex in Mom and Dad's house!"

"What?"

"You heard me! It always felt like we never had enough time, or privacy, or I don't even know…I mean we've fooled around and all, but you and Edward…"

"Haven't had sex."

"What?"

Bella's voice was anything but amused now, as her overall demeanor had gone from animated to rather subdued. She'd finally caught on to what Alice was thinking and how her earlier description must have sounded.  
When speaking of the conversation between she and Edward, where he was trying to convince her that they should postpone their trip because of her injury and she had insisted that they could not, her words had seemed so innocent. Following Alice's train of thought however, made them sound awfully matter-of-fact and somewhat caviler. No wonder Alice had been so shocked.

"We haven't had sex. Yet." She reiterated in a small voice.

Alice sighed heavily as she pushed a stack of clothes aside and sat down next to Bella. She'd been totally blindsided by the idea that Bella and Edward could have become so active, not to mention adventurous in such a short period of time. It made it hard to remember just who it was she was actually talking to.

"I'm an idiot."

"No you're not. I mean you are, but it would be an easy enough mistake I suppose."

Alice wrapped an arm around Bella and laid her head apologetically on her shoulder.

"I really just wanted to make sure you're doing okay with, well everything. It was ridiculous for me to assume. I guess that's why it freaked me out a little. I mean…I'm just gonna shut up now."

Bella giggled at the awkwardness and irony of the moment. Alice never apologized for being outspoken and she never ever offered to shut up of her own accord. But honestly those traits were what she generally loved most about her. And if being with Edward had taught Bella anything it was that misunderstandings were bound to happen; in the end it was how you handled those situations that really mattered.

"It's fine."

They were quiet for a few minutes.

"Edward does like to talk you know."

"Of course he does, I mean when you only have…"

"No, I mean whenever we umm…"

"But you said?"

"I didn't say we hadn't done _anything_."

"You're killing me!" Alice chuckled, which of course made Bella laugh again. She was blushing terribly but she was actually enjoying this newfound ability to unnerve Edward's sister.

"Do I get to comment?" Alice cautiously teased. At this point she wanted to hear what Bella had to say for real, however she was still a little hesitant to jump in there without permission.

"Sure."

"This sucks, like big time." She giggled now. "I want to hear all about it. I want to know what all you've done and how it was, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I refuse to admit, but I'm totally weirded out by the idea that the guy we're discussing is my brother."

"I know what you mean. If it were anyone else you'd be the first person I'd want to come to. But as it stands we both know there was never much chance that it could have ever been anyone other than Edward."

"He's been…I mean everything's going okay, right?"

This was exactly why Bella loved Alice so much. Despite her own discomfort with the subject she was still willing to talk about it if Bella wanted to, and her concern was genuine—far beyond some morbid fascination or nosy meddling.

"Perfect gentleman as always." Bella smirked.

Meanwhile Bella's perfect gentleman was feeling tired and ready for a good night of sleep. He'd made it through the important pages—those outlining costs and percentages and what sort of money was due to change hands by the end of tomorrow. However, as his brain crunched the numbers and figured out what sort of other monthly expenses he'd be looking at in the near future, Edward was starting to lose the battle against his daydreams. At some point he'd removed his glassed to rub the strain from his eyes and that was all it had taken. In closing his eyes he could see Bella's image as if she were sitting there with him, and his mind had wandered off on its own.

He knew that she possessed an incredible amount of strength and determination, but he'd been surprised by the amount of fire and passion she could put behind it when necessary. As a result he may have fallen even more in love with her tonight.

It was a foolish idea, to think that she'd even consider agreeing with his request that they wait a few days until she could start to recover from her unexpected injury before driving all the way to Colorado. He knew it, still his protective instinct made him broach the subject nonetheless. And Bella, bless her, she'd promptly jumped his shit.

Edward chuckled at the memory. It was honestly the closest they had ever come to any sort of argument, despite the number of misunderstanding they'd unintentionally fallen into thus far. It should have disturbed him, but he felt a huge sense of accomplishment instead. This was an important step for both of them, and one that Edward now realized was for the best. It needed to happen, and fortunately they'd both been willing to talk. It showed him just how far they had come together as a couple, and more importantly as friends.

He'd had good reason for his concern and he wanted her to know that he was okay if a few extra days would make her feel better, if not more comfortable, before having to deal with all that the next several would entail.  
The fact that his offer would not only postpone the trip in general but also the true consummation of their love was not lost on him, but Bella had been quick to remind him in no uncertain terms.  
The only mistake he'd made was choosing the word, "So?" in response to her opposition.

"Dammit Edward, I am not prepared to put off what we've been dancing around for what feels like forever. If you don't want to make love to me, then you'd better just come right out and say so, because I for one have wanted to have you in every way imaginable from the moment I laid eyes on your sexy ass!"

Thank goodness his family had left them to chat for a few minutes after it had become apparent that they might appreciate a little time alone to cope with all of the emotion and stress the afternoon had thrust upon them. His mother would have happily smacked the shit out of him had she heard the way he'd started laughing so hysterically. And his father might have been ready to high-five Bella when her response consisted of a roll of her eyes and a, "shut up, you bastard."

He finally managed to tell her how much he loved her and reaffirmed his promise to show her just how much, explaining for good measure that he care too much not to offer an alternative in case she truly needed the time to recuperate. She then tried to apologize for the harshness of her reaction, but he silenced the attempt with an understanding kiss.

Edward never wanted to upset Bella and he still had plenty of fears waiting to jump up and be noticed when he least expected them, but he was relieved to know that they could have a disagreement and laugh about it, talk about it, and get on with it.

Now was the perfect time to proceed with this plan if ever there was one. His demons seemed to be at rest for the moment and his courage was fighting to hover on the surface. Bella was ready and he couldn't agree more.  
Tomorrow was shaping up to be a very memorable day indeed.

"What are you grinning about?" Alice asked as she came in to retrieve a soda from the fridge.

"Nothing." He blushed.

"And to think you have no idea what I've put in Bella's luggage." She cryptically snickered upon her exit.


	49. Chapter 49

A/N: After all this time I should know better than to try forcing this story to go where I want it. It's obviously taken on a life of its own and I am powerless to change that, so the good news is I'm just going to go with it and finally post something for y'all to read. LOL  
Sorry for the massive wait.

Chapter 49

"Is this okay?"

She smiled her most reassuring smile, realizing that his question held not only concern, since he'd made this decision without her, but also evidence of his own disappointment. Bella truly adored how Edward always thought to ask her opinion, but in this instance it really wasn't necessary. They'd driven as far and for as long as they could, as was the plan, but it now seemed official—they wouldn't be seeing Colorado today after all.  
It was no one's fault really and Edward had already prepared Bella for the eventuality, saying that he usually had to take two days for this drive under most circumstances—the only times he'd ever driven straight through being out of necessity or given ideal conditions. So although she had hoped, Bella was expecting that they would need the extra day; especially after the hectic morning they'd had to endure. The only surprise was that he'd decided to stop at a hotel for the night rather than finding a place they could camp.

"Do you need me to see about a room?" Bella inquired kindly, seeing that Edward's fingers had begun to tangle nervously into his shirttail.

"I've already got it." He bashfully admitted, "I didn't want to say anything earlier, incase by some miracle we could get close enough to drive on through before it got too late. But I just figured a hotel would be better…or more comfortable for you than camping tonight."

Bella carefully sat up from where she'd been awkwardly laying across the seat of her truck as he settled his hand tenderly on the bandage wrapping her ankle. She realized now that she'd completely missed everything that had happened since they'd last stopped for food and gas; Edward having offered to drive again seeing that she was finally starting to tire. He'd invited her to lie down and use his lap as a pillow and that was all it had taken. With the feel of his hand gently caressing her hair and the warmth of his old leather jacket acting as a blanket she'd had very little hope of remaining conscious for long. She'd even missed his most recent stop and the fact that he'd already been inside to acquire a room for the night.

"Impressive, Mr. Cullen." She grinned.

His smile was immediate and full of relief. He'd thought about waking her and asking her preference, but he'd wanted to accomplish this on his own—show her that he was capable of taking care of her when the need arose and that he could set aside his issues if necessary to see it through. Plus, his day had been so full of ups and downs that he really wanted it to end on a high note.

As Bella had finally taken her turn to nap, Edward had used the time to get his thoughts in order.  
He'd been running on adrenaline since the moment he'd awakened today and after he'd calmed he found himself so exhausted that he'd basically passed out, leaving Bella to handle much of the driving on her own. He was so put out by the fact that his response had been so unavoidable that he'd apologized more than once. And Bella, bless her, having recognized his need to say the words, she'd let him.  
But fortunately given the opportunity to think he'd been able to realize that recently there were days where he had started to notice a significant lack of anxiety within him, the likes of which he'd only known during his solidarity back home in Colorado.

It wasn't as though he'd never known the pleasure of this state, but never in the company of so many people or so much activity. It was an exciting discovery, but unfortunately the flipside of this phenomenon seemed to be that when his anxiety was present it was quite severe—almost as though in its absence Edward had somehow forgotten how to control it altogether.  
And to make matters worse, those who cared most about him were made to deal with the consequences. It was never more bothersome than it was first thing today when Bella had been the one to deal.

"I'm here, Sweetheart." She had assured him in a hushed voice.  
She could see his body trembling every few seconds and his free hand couldn't seem to find anything suitable to fiddle with for more than a brief moment; all the same the hand which she'd been holding more often than not since their arrival still managed to give hers an appreciative squeeze.

It had been difficult, to say the least, sitting with Edward in the tiny waiting area outside of the law office his mother had specified they meet at this morning. He was a bundle of nerves, though Bella couldn't really blame him, but his fidgeting seemed to be at an all-time high. Neither of them had been able to stomach the idea of breakfast, and even her morning coffee was threatening to make her queasy as time went on; still Bella was trying her best to remain calm for his sake.  
Of course meeting a lawyer and sitting by while Edward signed his name over a handful of witnessed documents didn't require a lot from her, short of the moral support she was there to provide, but seeing Edward suffer any amount of anxiety always sparked her own.

It was helpful though, to know just how committed he was to this whole arrangement.  
He seemed excited be to moving back to Port Angeles and he had many reasons to desire such a change, but he could have always changed his mind, or at the very least had a moment of indecision. Edward however never showed any signs of doubt or hesitation, even with the arrival of his anxiety, which thankfully had remained dormant until this morning.

Surprising as it was, he'd been able to sleep rather well the night before. With all that had happened at his parents' house earlier in the evening, and with all that was left to do prior to their pending trip, one could understand how the stress of it all might hinder his ability to sleep, even without the extra excitement of buying his first home the following day. Edward however had managed to do just that—with a little help of course.

He'd made a point of spending some time alone kissing and cuddling with Bella—long enough to settle his mind for the next couple of hours at least.  
And she knew what he'd been doing of course. He'd explained many times that he found comfort in her presence and courage through her acceptance. He'd learned to use those blessings to his advantage—distracting himself from fearful or troublesome thoughts, thereby allowing him to tolerate situations he'd usually find impossible. And naturally, she was happy to help, both last night and again this morning. Then once they'd found themselves waiting at that little office across town it seemed as though it was time once more.

"I made us some sandwiches for the road. Seemed like a waste to leave all that chicken from the other night behind, since Alice will be the only one there this week." She rested her cheek against his shoulder as she softly spoke and traded hands so that she could comfortingly rub the tension from the muscles of his back.  
"I was thinking though, if you'd like we could find a McDonald's for supper."

Though he didn't say anything Bella could feel that he appreciated her efforts when his shoulders moved in time with a silent chuckle of amusement.

As subtle as her intervention was it was enough to make him relax and get through the process he'd begun to dread. He would thank her properly a bit later after meeting with Mr. Stevens, the lawyer who Esme had hired to handle his closing and who had graciously met with him prior to normal business hours to accommodate his_ fear_ of unknown people. It had only taken a mere ten minutes at most and Mr. Stevens, though obviously a jovial man, had kept everything very efficient and professional for Edward's sake. So with a new set of keys in hand Edward had escorted Bella outside to where his parents had been waiting for them in the parking lot. It was only a brief bout of nervousness that he'd had to contend with but it still shook him up. And upon seeing Carlisle and Esme proudly waiting to congratulate him he'd finally started to falter.

"Baby." He choked, increasing his hold upon her hand, forcing her to stop and comfort him.

"We're okay, Sweetheart. You did it." She assured him, reaching to touch the side of his face.

His expression was a difficult one for her to read. There was definite relief in his posture, but his eyes still held too much worry for her to assume that the worst was over.

"Thank you." He managed after taking a deep breath to steady himself. "I could have never done any of this without you." He reached up and took her hand from his cheek pulling her into a strong embrace. "I love you so much."

His parents had stood by smiling at the exchange, waiting until they'd both come to terms with the significance of his accomplishments today. Edward was branching out by leaps and bounds, volunteering for tasks that would have ordinarily been far beyond his reach at any other time in his life. With Bella there to support and motivate him however Edward was well on his way to a _normal_ existence and the life his parents had always hoped he might achieve. They were supportive of his choices, but still worried about the rate at which Edward was progressing, concerned that he was pushing himself too far too fast. But when Edward finally released Bella and stood straight again his smile was shining bright; it was all the assurance they'd needed to know that, at least for now, he was going to be fine.

"I'll keep Alice away from the place until you get back." His mother had promised a moment later, giving him a warm hug while his father walked with Bella over to her truck.

"Good luck with that." He chuckled good-naturedly, knowing that Alice was more excited than anyone about the new place. She'd already tried every tactic under the sun to get his permission to decorate while he and Bella were away. Finally he'd had to bend the truth and tell her that he'd already promised Bella that she could have final say so over much of the house, since he hoped she would be spending a lot of time there. He and Bella hadn't really decided any such thing, but it worked to get Alice off of his back for the time being.

"So, change the bandages at least once a day, or if they get wet, and make sure you find time to leave the stitches uncovered for a few hours here and there. We should be able to remove them when you get back."

"Yes, Doctor." Bella rolled her eyes playfully at Carlisle's instructions, seeing Edward and his mother approach.

"You have everything you need?" Esme asked the both of them as Edward went around, after giving his father a hug, to climb into the passenger seat. The couple shared a glance and smiled thinking that with each other they didn't really have a need for anything else; but to appease his parents they both nodded and assured them that thanks to Alice they had far more than they would need for the next month, let alone a few days.

They all exchanged a final farewell then and Bella was happy to drive away, knowing that nothing else would stand in their way now, except for several hundred miles of highway.

"How long before someone calls to check up on us?" Bella grinned once they'd been driving for a few minutes.

"Just finished sending Alice a text to say the house is mine, and that we're on our way." He smiled showing her his phone as he killed the power.

"That is going to go over like a lead balloon." She laughed, even though she was already pulling her phone out so that she could hand it to him and have it turned off as well.

"We're on our own now, Baby." He proudly announced a moment later.

Once that was done they decided they would take time to send a text to everyone when they had arrived safely, just so that no one would panic, as Edward found a decent radio station to tune in. From there the conversation flowed naturally, that is until Edward had noticed an overwhelming amount of fatigue. They'd barely been on the road for half an hour, but it was long enough for him to finally settle his nerves, leaving the emotional side-affects to do their worst. With Bella's blessing he'd succumbed to his body's demands and slept for quite some time, only waking after they'd already driven far beyond what was familiar territory for Bella.

After a quick stop for gas and a change of position, Edward taking the wheel, they'd set out again, this time chatting about random subjects of very little consequence.

It was wonderful for them to know that they had reached a place in their relationship where they didn't need to over analyze every moment they spent together. There were periods of comfortable silence as they were both content to take in the passing scenery and that was fine. At other times they were both talking and laughing so much that they eventually forgot what it was they had initially been discussing in the first place. And of course there were times when they would begin to speak affectionately for no apparent reason besides wanting the other to know how much they were in love.

One such moment had turned into a rather comical exchange and their first real break in the trip thus far.  
It was after Edward had reached for Bella's hand and began gently caressing her fingers as he reminisced about the first time she'd held his hand and how wonderful it had been.

"I think my lack of breakfast is finally starting to make my stomach hate me." Edward giggled when Bella had kissed his fingers in thanks before settling hers on his thigh and felt the need to comment on his disruptively rumbling belly.

"Well let's find someplace to pull over and eat. I happen to like your tummy and I don't want him upset at me for allowing you to neglect him."

"You like my tummy?" He laughed, while pointing out that there would be an exit available a few miles ahead.

"I do." Bella smiled despite her blush.

"Why is that? Or do I even want to know?"

"He talks to me whenever I get to lay my head on your lap." She very seriously informed him.

"And what does he say?" Edward played along.

"Depends. Sometimes he lets me know when you are nervous. Other times he likes to thank me for whatever I've cooked that night. One time he even told me a story about how you fed him ice cream on your birthday until he had to beg you to stop."

Edward had pulled off and turned into a gas station by then noticing that it was time to refuel the truck again. He was shaking his head as he got out of the truck, never even hesitating as he walked around to man the pump.

"You are so full of it." He teased as she got out and came around to meet him.

"I forgot to mention how sexy he is, all firm and furry." She reminded him, her hand immediately finding its way up under the front of his shirt.

Her unexpected touch made him flinch, but he quickly recovered and she found herself pressed up against the bed of her truck.

"We've still got a long ways to go, Baby." He reminded her only a second before he lowered his head and kissed her like he meant it.

"But I'm here, and so are you." She pointed out once he'd relented.

She'd had a good look around as he pulled into this place and she was happy to notice that there was basically no one milling around, and that the exit was pretty well deserted aside from the gas station they'd stopped at and a little café down the road. Her worst case scenario had she and Edward gathering the food she'd packed this morning from the cooler and sitting in the cab to enjoy a quick lunch before getting back on the road. Her preferred choice however consisted of a few moments to relax outside of the vehicle before they would continue. It was all dependent on Edward and whatever he felt most comfortable with of course, but she for one was dying for some form of contact, the likes of which they couldn't safely undertake while driving.

"What are you suggesting?" Edward smirked at the implications of her statement.

She wasn't the only one who had noticed the restrictions of their current situation. He too wanted to hold her and touch her and kiss those lips he perpetually longed for, but if they were going to make it to Colorado any time over the next twenty-four hours they couldn't afford such distractions.

"Thirty minutes to move around and enjoy each other a little more?"  
To prove just how enjoyable it could be, Bella had wrapped her arms around his neck and proceeded to kiss him with renewed vigor.  
"Jesus, Bella." He groaned against her neck as he held her close allowing her to catch her breath.  
Seconds later the pump had shut off. Hardly letting go of her for a moment he'd replaced the gas nozzle and closed the tank before lifting her into the cab. He got back behind the wheel this time with a purpose, driving away from any signs of civilization.

After all the time he'd spent traveling alone he had a good instinct about finding seclusion when he needed it and it didn't take long for him to locate a hidden opening within the trees.  
Once the truck came to a stop Edward turned to find Bella smiling in his direction.

"Thirty minutes." He agreed opening his door with a wink.

She met him at the back of the truck just as Edward dropped the tailgate, catching her and lifting her up in the very same motion. Alone with Bella he was feeling more confident and comfortable than he had in, maybe forever. After a brief moment spent relearning everything they loved about the others lips, they climbed up into the bed of her truck; and Edward, grinding his hips against her, their mouths fused and his tongue mimicking what other parts of his body wanted to do to her finally addressed their true purpose for this journey.

"God Baby, I want you." He found himself growling with need.

The desperation of the moment ebbed and flowed until finally Bella placed a hand over Edward's stalling his progress before it was too late.

"Thirty minutes isn't long enough for me to enjoy you properly." She regretfully informed him—massive emphasis on the regret.

Edward shifted his weight and propped himself up on an elbow looking down at Bella as she smiled so shyly up at him. He let the back of his fingers caress her belly and smiled gently before reaching to touch the side of her face.

"A lifetime isn't long enough for me to enjoy you properly, but I think I'm going to like trying." He responded with all of the understanding she'd come to expect from him.

They snuggled together for a moment more as their collective heartbeats began to return to normal and hormones managed to settle. This wasn't the time or place for bold advances and should they find themselves venturing beyond was comfortable there was no place for them to regroup should their fears be realized thanks to an unthinking moment of lust. They had time, and they still had a plan. There was no need to rush things; rather they should just enjoy each moment for what it was.

Eventually they managed to feed Edward's hungry belly and they had a nice stroll through the wooded area they'd come upon, still keeping within Bella's half hour time limit. When they got on the road again, Edward found himself behind the wheel once more in order to give Bella a longer break, and he loved that she had decided that it was time for a nap, using his lap for a pillow.

"Tummy says he'd like some fries and a Big Mac for supper." She let him know a bit later, much to his amusement.

"Well you let him know that if he gets fries then I get ice cream for dessert."

"We'll see." Bella had yawned.

It was somewhat pointless though, as Bella proved to be too excited for sleep. They instead talked some more—this time about things they wanted to do upon their return in a few days. There would be unpacking and a need to get back into a normal routine with work for them both, and Bella was pleased to hear that Edward was already working out a new idea he'd been thinking of for his next project.

The discussion went on for quite some time until Bella had asked if she could drive again. As the day wore on she was starting to experience some nerves about what would happen once they decided to stop for the night. When coupled with her excited energy level she found it difficult to sit by without something else to keep her occupied. She'd pointed out that Edward was once again looking sleepy, but what she should have really said was that she felt like he was rubbing off on her with his tendency to fidget when anxious.

"Where are we?" he asked in his groggy morning voice, though it was nearing twilight a few hours later, having given in to his fatigue once more.

"I'm not sure officially, other than to say McDonald's." She grinned.

Edward had missed the exit she'd pulled off at so he had no way of knowing either, but he _was_ feeling hungry again and the smell of greasy food was too tempting to worry over anything else for the moment.

"I'll take care of ordering if you feel up for going inside." Bella offered.  
She didn't want to pressure him into doing anything he wasn't comfortable with, but she really needed to stretch her legs again and a little walk around the parking lot just wasn't going to do it.

Edward had straightened up from the awkward slouch he'd been sleeping in and was rubbing his eyes to wake himself a little more. He took a good look around once his glasses were in place and shrugged.

"Sure, why not."

Bella smiled at his indifference and leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek while he was busy yawning.

"I still want my ice cream though." He grinned boyishly as they climbed out and met at the front of the truck.

"My brave lion can have anything he wants tonight."

"Anything?" He raised an eyebrow in challenge, though his tone was still that of a little kid awaiting a treat.

"I'll have to think about that." She responded playfully taking his hand to lead the way.

Edward remained quiet while Bella ordered their dinner, becoming preoccupied with anything of interest he could focus his attention on, other than the people around them. It wasn't the busiest of places but Edward could feel his nerves starting to stir and Bella noticed his discomfort immediately.

"We can go if you want to." She sympathetically offered in a quiet voice.

Edward shook his head but still didn't say anything, which had Bella thinking that perhaps it had been a mistake to suggest this. From the time they'd left the law office this morning Edward had been completely at ease—sleepy as a result of his earlier anxiety, but comfortable and calm, just the two of them having fun with no worries to consider, and here she'd gone and messed things up with such a foolish idea.

"I'm okay." He nodded after another minute, apparently deciding that he had mastered his fears for the moment.  
The problem was that he hadn't given himself time the think or prepare for being around so many people and he needed a minute to get his head around the idea of dealing with this, and remember that Bella was there with him to insure that everything would be okay.

Bella seemed hesitant despite his insistence, but she went ahead and pointed out a table in the far corner, furthest from everyone else. Edward nodded again and they went to sit down. Immediately feeling as though she should do something to help, Bella had positioned them so that Edward was facing her but away from anyone else that might happen by. While placing her hand on his knee beneath the table she'd given his leg a little squeeze of encouragement.

"Well, it's not Lucca's…" she offered with a little grin.

Edward chuckled a bit seeing the humor of her comment. This was probably the closest thing they'd done to being on a real date since the night they'd spent in Seattle. Watching movies at home and eating dinner with his family, even camping out on his parents' property didn't really qualify in his mind as actual dates. Going to restaurants or out to a cinema were what most people would call dating, and Edward wanted to be like most people. After he'd gotten use to the idea of being here he wanted to let Bella know that he hadn't forgotten about that promise either.

"I want to…Bella, I'd really…" Edward shook his head trying to get the words in order, swearing quietly at his inability to do so. He knew that what he wanted to say wasn't that difficult and speaking to Bella was the one thing he always felt comfortable doing these days. It was just that his nervous tendencies were so close to the surface right now.

"Everything's been so hectic the past week or so, but when we get back and I can get settled into the new place, I want to take you out more often."

Bella gave his leg another squeeze and kissed his cheek as she got up to go and retrieve their order which had just been called. When she returned he stood to help her with the tray of food and smiled shyly as she handed him his ice cream first.

"You're too good to me, Baby."

"It's a fair trade." Bella smiled at his enjoyment of the meal. "Just knowing that you want to try so hard for my sake is beyond anything I would ever ask of you, Edward." In all seriousness Bella took his hand and promised him what she had always wanted to say to him.  
"If we never went anywhere else, never ate at another restaurant, saw another show, or travelled to another city, so long as I'm with you I could be happy. It's not about what we do or where we go, but the fact that we're together. I love you for who you are, not who you think you ought to be."

Edward had no words to respond right away. In a roundabout way they had already discussed much of what she was telling him, and in doing so he had already indicated that much of what he wanted to experience with her involved things he'd always wanted to do himself but could never find the courage to attempt. He got what she was saying though. If he got to spend the rest of his life with her he could certainly remain content, even if he never got to experience anything else. With the exception of one thing, his most needy appendage was quick to remind him.

"I'll drive again if you want to rest." He'd offered after they'd finished eating.

It was getting late and though he'd slept off and on during their travels Bella had been up and attentive or driving herself all day. While they'd been sitting inside Edward had come to the conclusion that he needed to step up his game. Bella was always so understanding and quick to excuse his problems, never making him feel weak or ashamed of his reactions. But he was getting better—he was sure of it. And if there ever was a time when he could really test his strength it was now. He didn't know a single person within five hundred miles of wherever they were, and he didn't really care about anyone's opinion other than Bella's anyway. Translation—he had no reason to feel nervous or afraid of stepping outside of his norm tonight.

And it was worth it.  
Bella had happily sprawled out on the king sized bed which awaited them as soon as Edward had opened the door to reveal its presence. He stood in the doorway just watching her for a brief moment, feeling a sense of pride in himself that he wasn't sure he'd ever known.  
The idea that he could make her happy so easily, that he understood her well enough to deduce what it was she might want or need without her specifically asking for it, and knowing that she would never make him feel foolish for trying to please her made his heart swell.

"Sweetheart," she'd quietly called for his attention when he'd continued to stand there grinning. "Why don't you close the door and come here."

He didn't have to be told twice. Because as Bella would point out just as he'd reached the bedside and moved to lie beside her, "we've got more than thirty minutes now."


	50. Chapter 50

A/N: Why….why, why, why. Why can't I get these 2 where they are supposed to be going? LOL  
At least we get a little (ahem) _taste_ in this one…

Chapter 50

Thirty minutes had managed to turn into an hour and then two, and eventually they'd quit keeping count. Now as Edward lay in bed watching his girl while she continued to sleep he knew that he'd never in his life been so content. And amazingly, the best was still yet to come.

No, they hadn't _gone all the way_, but they were getting there. The prospect of intimate contact was no longer as intimidating as it once was for either of them. And though it had been quite a process for them to get here Edward finally felt like they had reached a good place both physically and emotionally.  
He was beginning to have better control over his responses these days, but most importantly he could trust that Bella would tell him how she was feeling and what she needed.  
In fact, he knew that had Bella not been so worn out from the long day of travel he might have offered more—his body had certainly been rooting for that option; but as it was he couldn't complain. He felt as though they'd done remarkably well and Bella, she was proving to be even more than he could have ever hoped for.  
Aside from the obvious pleasure their interactions had brought about, the best part of it all was that neither of them had hesitated to move forward when the opportunity arose. They hadn't shied away from anything they'd wanted and they'd been able to share in something incredibly special as a result.

And though the moments were very different by all accounts, Edward felt a similar pleasure as he'd awakened to find Bella at his side.

With sleep being such a vulnerable state, it was a great source of encouragement to know just how quickly he and Bella had acclimated to sharing a bed. It solidified much of what his heart had been trying to tell him from the moment they'd met. It also showed him just how much they'd learned to trust one another. And watching her now, he could see just how far that trust had come.

From the time he was a young boy it had been Edward's tendency to always sleep curled into some type of fetal position, wrapped up in a ball of insecurity which seemed to highlight his cowardly nature. During his childhood he would always find himself in such a position no matter how it was he recalled having fallen asleep. So it was when he'd first seen Bella in a similar state that he'd known for sure that she had a personality similar to his own. What was fascinating to him however were the changes that had taken place over the weeks since they had been together.

That first night when they'd slept on the floor in the living room, each becoming more and more aware of what the other was beginning to mean to them, they had cautiously kept a fair amount of space in between them. It may have seemed awkward then, but it was the start of an important learning process; which by the time they had travelled to Seattle had become a necessary step toward what they had unknowingly been trying to build. He'd noticed a significant change by then—no longer willing to be apart they found themselves most comfortable while touching; and though they were both still conditioned to curl into a protective posture, it was now wrapped around each other—more and more intimately as time would go on.

However, this morning when he'd awakened he had been lying on his back, one arm tucked beneath the pillow Bella was using and his other carelessly flopped over at his side. Bella was on her belly partially facing towards him, a leg pressed up against his and both of her arms under the same pillow, one hand resting on his wrist. And the best part—they hadn't bothered pulling up the covers, too exhausted to bother after their activities had made a mess of them near the foot of the bed. Their position, lack of clothing, or cover in general, spoke volumes towards the level of intimacy and comfort they'd finally reached.

Immediately he was itching to reach over and caress her hair, her back, her naked bottom. But he wouldn't do it just yet. She'd had quite a long day, and though she'd been the one to stubbornly encourage him even when he'd offered to let her sleep, he wasn't willing to disturb her rest if he could help it. As a thank you for the immense pleasure he'd been able to derive from their time spent together last night, Bella would be sleeping for as long as she liked today, since Edward felt like for the first time since meeting her and discovering his sex drive, his body had been completely satisfied.

She hadn't needed to. In fact Edward had asked her not to, wanting last night to be all about her. And of course it wasn't as though he didn't appreciate her willingness, but he knew that so far in this relationship he had been unfairly blessed with the greater share of sexual pleasure. He'd given in however, while remembering the most important bit of information he'd learned during their time together.

He knew now that it was vital to listen, and that he needed to trust her when she would say that her desires were coming from the right place.  
For so long Bella had chosen to think of others and their needs above her own that she was prone to depriving herself, often feeling unworthy of the same type of courtesy in return. Knowing this and being so unfamiliar with the inner workings of a true relationship Edward had to remain conscious of the idea that Bella's willingness to please him could also be a great source of pleasure and accomplishment for her.

And probably the more important factor to his overall feeling of success today, was that while Bella may or may not have the right motivation for wanting to please him sexually, he knew that it did by no means prohibit him from reciprocating if she felt comfortable receiving his attention.

And indeed she'd received him well. Ever touch and every kiss was accepted with open arms and returned with intent. As they'd lain together making up for the time they'd spent that day wanting such contact but being denied by circumstance, Bella had asked for just what Edward had been waiting for. It was the first step towards what would become a wonderful opportunity, and it successfully validated Edward's decision to seek out a hotel room for the night.

"Come shower with me," she'd requested quietly amongst an ongoing series of lazy kisses.

Thanks to the debacle that their unplanned stop at Newton's had turned into, Edward had been unable to rectify the bathing situation, which had been his intention, were they to find themselves camping once again. And although that first experience had turned into a rather erotic one, he knew that being able to shower by conventional means would go a long way to insure both their comfort and willingness to _be _together in a way that he was certainly hoping for.

So that was where thirty minutes had turned into an hour.  
And once they had enjoyed the renewing effects of the warm spray and much attention paid to washing one another, they had returned to bed. There was no need to even bother suggesting nightwear as they knew it would only hinder their ability to continue upon their current line of thinking.  
This was the _dress rehearsal_ after all—the only remaining opportunity to practice before the big day as it were.  
Tomorrow they would be in Colorado, staying at Edward's mountain home—the place that from the moment he and Bella knew they wanted to try for more had seemed like the most likely location to find the comfort and privacy they would both require to feel truly at ease with all that such an encounter might put them through.

It was also the last opportunity they had to try for anything beyond what they had already experienced. And as that first hour was starting to turn into another Edward had made his request to do just that.

Holding and caressing her body had been pleasurable enough; he'd kissed nearly every inch of her and he was loving the new and wonderful sounds that his lips had been able to pull from her and the way she would blush so deeply upon hearing what his attention had forced to surface within her. However he had started to realize with more and more frequency just how inviting the warmth of her body's most intimate area felt to him. They'd avoided anything that would over stimulate either of them to that point, enjoying what interaction they'd submitted to so fully that they didn't want any reason for it to end prematurely.

"Baby," he'd finally pleaded.  
His voice was strained and his hand had come around to firmly grip her bottom. Groaning deeply with need as he searched for the best way to ask for what he wanted Edward looked up to find Bella waiting patiently, her cheeks flushed and her chest heaving in a silent struggle for composure.

He shifted his body closer until his engorged penis was resting on the inside of her upper thigh. He held her gaze, wordlessly pleading that she trust him as he carefully inched his way higher.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, Bella." He promised quietly his hand stroking her other leg as he moved to bring it over his hip. "I only want to feel you tonight."

She nodded ever so slightly and rolled to her back, allowing her consent and Edward a better way to control the situation. He kissed her deeply then as a sign of his thanks and as a promise to keep his word, while he slowly allowed his cock to find the unbelievably warm, wetness of her center.  
He never made a move to penetrate her, instead finding the greatest pleasure in moving his length along her opening, experiencing each intricate fold of her womanhood with his very _very_ happy penis.  
And it didn't take long, thanks to this unfamiliar position, for him to feel her pulse increasing in the most unexpected places, but he found this discovery thrilling. And when she wrapped her arms around his neck bringing him even closer he knew that she'd found her release, her quiet moaning and the tightening of her legs as she closed them around him making her pleasure all the more obvious.

He'd nearly come undone at the sight of her enjoyment but when she'd relaxed her hold and all but collapsed underneath him he was still as hard as when they'd started. He was okay though; seeing Bella experience such pleasure was more than enough. She hadn't expressed the slightest urge to hide her feelings, nor the smallest inkling of fear. Instead she'd embraced his advance and had found fulfillment in his touch.

He would find out in the next hour however that Bella had not been satisfied fully. The delicious friction of his cock against her most sensitive region had given her an amazing orgasm that was true enough, but she wasn't willing to let Edward get away without knowing a similar feeling for himself. Having him say, "you feel so fucking amazing," wasn't enough. She wanted him to know the type of pleasure he'd given her, and then some.

"Baby, what are you doing?" he'd needed to know as her kisses began to travel down his body.

She was slow and thorough in her exploration of his chest and stomach, nibbling her way across his torso after only a brief moment to recuperate and snuggle.

"Loving you." She'd grinned as her kisses continued along a path that sent her lower and lower.

"Bella," he'd warned, his hips getting restless as they recognized that she was moving even closer to an area that had been craving her for so long.

"Please Baby, I'm fine. I would never ask you to…" But his words had died in that very same breath.

Bella had been hovering just above his very prominent erection, biting at her lips after just having licked them. His words were spoken out of desperation—to either save him from having to fight against the sensation that he could only assume was coming, or from the intense desire he had to show her that his love was not contingent on what she could do for him physically, he knew not which. However as soon as those lips had ever so lightly touched the straining tip of his dick everything he'd been thinking of no longer seemed to exist.

His fists dug into the sheets covering their bed and his body fought against its instinctual reaction, which was to push forward and bury himself inside of her—her mouth or any other available orifice, his body wasn't about to be choosy just then. Knowing this, his only goal had become not frightening her or embarrassing himself. And thankfully he'd held on just long enough to accomplish both—even going so far as to warn her of his impending release amide an impressive string of whispered expletives.

She hadn't given him the attention that most men would have desired but Edward would have never been able to survive that anyhow. As it was the delightful series of licks and kisses he'd been treated to had managed to overwhelm his senses beyond anything he'd ever thought possible.

"You were saying?" she'd playfully inquired after a few moments spent congratulating herself for the level of pleasure she'd been able to give him.

"I'd never ask you to do such a thing for me without being able to expect the same in return." He'd meaningfully decided after taking time to consider his options.

That meaning was not lost on her and though Bella hadn't wanted to indicate any type of hesitation Edward could see that she was surprised by his offer.

"You're my girl, Bella. I want you to know how special you are to me. If you can even remotely imagine how wonderful you've made me…that you always make me feel, then I know you'll understand why I would want to try and give you the same."

"Edward…" Bella's big brown eyes had shown him the depth of her concern. She was wondering just how much she could handle and how much she trusted him to remember her fears.

"Talk to me, Baby."

"I'm not…I mean what if…" she had found a million worries in that brief moment but when she looked at him and saw the way he'd been so anxiously awaiting her decision she knew that she would try. It wasn't as if she hadn't thought about what it would be like and she knew that Edward would do whatever she might ask of him.

Edward let his forehead rest against her shoulder and lightly kissed along her skin.

"We'll take things slow. If you don't want me to do something or if you're uncomfortable you let me know."

He'd questioned her intent once before and he'd second guessed his control in the past. It had led to a misunderstanding the likes of which Edward was unwilling to endure ever again. So this time he would trust his instinct and rely on Bella to indicate what it was she needed most from him.

After a prolonged period spent silently encouraging them both Bella had very willingly submitted to his touch. It was the natural progression of their activity so it hadn't seemed unnecessary or forced by any stretch of the imagination. When his hand had reached to caress her in places she'd always deemed off limits Bella had opened herself to him and had gently covered his hand as a way to help guide his inexperienced touch.

"Bella," he breathed heavily into her neck, "Baby, I love you. Let me show you."

She hadn't needed any other encouragement or some form of explanation to let her know what he meant. So with a lingering kiss she'd let him go, to do with her whatever he pleased.

If ever she'd truly worried about how much he might enjoy, or whether he would just tolerate such an act to merely appease her she knew better the minute his mouth had caressed her, his tongue carefully discovering the taste of her sex. She'd never heard him make such a wantonly provocative sound, even with his tendencies to growl and purr.

The next hour would hardly be long enough for him to enjoy the privilege she'd allowed. He'd taken his time, slowly savoring every moment she'd been subjected to the pleasures of his attention, and that he'd been treated to her trust. But alas she hadn't been able to let him linger as long as he would have liked.

"Edward," she'd moaned a second time; this time it was as his bearded cheek caressed the length of her abdomen his chest finding contact with her swollen bud, thanks in part to her weakened thighs. As his mouth closed over an erect nipple his hand had again taken on the process of stimulating her most sensitive area, the feel of his lips having been too much, or perhaps too intimate an act for Bella to tolerate in the end.

His name had been repeatedly whispered over and over from that moment on and he'd never in his life felt so satisfied as his did watching Bella writhe beneath him; but Edward still knew that in his heart of hearts he would always want more. He would never tire of seeing her confidence grow and he would always strive to show her the depth of his love.

Today, as he laid there watching his Bella as she slept, Edward knew that they were only hours away from the culmination of what they'd been working towards and everything he'd been dreaming of since she'd come into his life. And of course it wasn't all about sex, but symbolically the act would prove that they had come to trust one another on a level they had never known with anyone else. It signified, to him at least, that he was able to be the type of man that a woman like Bella deserved, and he was honored that someone who'd been made to suffer what she had been through would deem him worthy of such a precious treasure.

"Morning, Sweetheart." She'd surprised him with a shy yet happy greeting just as he was busy thinking about all that had led them here.

"Morning," his voice rumbled heavily with lack of use, thanks to his time sleeping and that after he'd awakened while refusing to disturb her.

Bella hummed her approval as she scooted closer kissing his cheek, her hand taking a trip across his firm and fully exposed chest as she did so. She let her nose trace a path up and down the side of his face, enjoying the way his beard had begun to soften in the days since he'd last shaved. Then with a heavy sigh and another kiss she laid her head on his shoulder and moved her leg to cover one of his.

"Are you still sleepy, love?" Edward chuckled, wondering if he'd prematurely gotten his hopes up; having assumed that she was really awake and ready to start the day.

"Nope." She answered, but made no other effort to move or elaborate.

Someone else might have become frustrated by the lack of information but Edward found this little game rather amusing.

"What are we doing then?"

"I'm snuggling my wonderful and sexy boyfriend right now."

"And what was with all of the sighing before?"

"I was just thinking."

"About?"

"How much my mother would love to know that I've finally woken up naked, in bed, in a hotel room, with a man."

Edward wasn't sure whether he was supposed to laugh at that but he really couldn't help it—he had too much of his father's sense of humor after all. Fortunately Bella understood how funny the idea really was and that he would have no way of expecting such a comment at this hour of the morning.

After they'd both had a good chuckle and a few more kisses Bella had finally decided that it was _really_ time to start the day.

"Did we ever find out where we are exactly?" she wondered while Edward busied himself, trying to figure out how to operate the in room coffeemaker, much to her delight.

"Utah."  
He'd only made that discovery after having stopped for the night, since it was printed on the hotel's letterhead when he'd signed for the room.  
"It was a little difficult to tell last night in the dark, but I'm guessing we only have another three, maybe four hours or so."

"That's it?" she grinned.

He understood her excitement and then some. They had traveled damn near eight hundred miles over fourteen hours the day before. And though that was enough to make four hours seem like nothing by comparison, Edward knew, as he had just been contemplating, that the end of their journey would signify so much more.

Lying there this morning he had finally been willing to think of an agenda in terms of their relationship. Prior to this trip, or more accurately last night, he hadn't been ambitious enough to really plan for anything out of the ordinary, even though it had always been their goal to pursue whatever seemed right once the situation might present itself. Now knowing that they were emotionally ready and capable of such a significant commitment; and that they were only a few hours away from the perfect opportunity—both well rested and well informed of what lay ahead, Edward was more than ready to get this day underway and move on to what could follow.

"What do you say to we take this with us?" he asked holding up the convenient travel cups the hotel had provided when the coffee had finished brewing.

"Eager?" Bella had teased, though she couldn't blame him one bit for feeling that way.

"Just a little." He shrugged, ducking his head slightly out of shyness.

Bella smiled brightly at her favorite of his many mannerisms, and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Not so little actually." She informed him with a wink, feeling that a particular part of his body had suddenly decided to become eager as well.


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51

Bella hadn't realized just how much she was actually missing while they'd been travelling along the Interstate highways. They'd seen some pretty impressive sights along the way so far, particularly while passing through the northeastern tip of Oregon and the lower part of Idaho. The mountain views were stunning through that region, but today, as they got closer and closer to the desolate town which Edward had once referred to as home she was in awe of the scenery present along the smaller, less travelled highway they'd moved to just east of Utah's capital.  
There she'd begun to notice that they would drive for miles before finding what was considered the next town; which in Bella's opinion appeared to be little more than the occasional crossroad, or small collection of homes that seemed slightly closer together than in other areas.  
But it was during those long stretches of open road that she found a million things to look at—be it rock formations, or colorful mountain sides, still covered by snow in some cases or blooming with vegetation in others. There was even the occasional lake that could be seen nestled in a valley when the trees became sparse enough to see what was down below.  
With so much to look at she could have easily become distracted, but what really held her attention as they continued along their way, was that the farther away from civilization they ventured the more obviously relaxed Edward seemed to become.

Of course, after seeing his steady progression throughout the previous day she was nearly convinced that Edward couldn't really evolve any more than he already had, but he was apparently determined to prove her wrong; and she loved that about him.  
Every time she thought she knew what to expect he would show her another side of himself that he'd kept buried away for so long that even he wasn't really sure it existed anywhere except in his imagination most days. Each discovery seemed better than the last and she'd started to wonder how long it might take her to finally peel back all of the intricate layers that made up this man she loved.

He enjoyed giving her credit for all of the little changes they had notice during their relationship to this point. But Bella on the other hand, secretly believed that Edward had always had it in him. He'd just been too shy, or in some cases stubborn, to let it out—an argument that wasn't worth the effort it would take to debate in her opinion. So instead she had taken to silently smiling whenever a new and unknown facet to Edward's personality would appear. Taking pride in his accomplishment and whatever role she might have played in paving the way for its appearance, but avoiding the topic of what and how he had been able to achieve it in the first place.  
As it would turn out this morning however, she couldn't always keep those smiles to herself—or silent for that matter.

She should have seen it coming, since he hadn't quit grinning all day; and though he would blush from time to time when he noticed Bella looking in his direction he just couldn't seem to stop. She'd giggled quietly while thinking that this must be the proverbial _just got laid_ look that people loved to make jokes about, even though technically he hadn't. But as time went on she realized that she hadn't stopped smiling either. And then she understood why. She couldn't ever recall feeling this happy and alive.

She'd always thought that she had a good understanding of what happiness really was.  
She'd had a good childhood, not what one might call conventional by any stretch of the imagination, her mother and all of her oddities made sure of that; but it was happy nonetheless. She knew the kind of love and support that her parents had always provided and she was content with her situation in life. And naturally she was confident that she knew the meaning of happiness because she'd certainly been on the other side of the emotion a time or two. She'd known depression and fear. She'd lived through a time when her world was anything but happy, and she'd survived to find some level of happiness once again—in essence she'd found Alice and her family waiting to rekindle the happiness she'd lost.

Now with Edward, Bella finally understood that she'd had it wrong. As with any emotion there were varying degrees at which a person might experience what is known as fear, or sadness, or joy and happiness. Here with Edward she knew that she'd never been truly happy until this moment. With him she'd found a level of happiness that she never thought could exist and it was an incredibly powerful feeling.

And as it would turn out, Edward was indeed so happy that he'd inadvertently treated Bella to a side of himself that he'd never shared with another person—ever.

"Are there _any_ radio stations around here?" Bella had finally asked during another frustrated attempt to tune in some form of background noise other than static.

It wasn't that the conversation was lacking or that silence wasn't still an appreciated sound for both of them, but as clichéd as it might be, there was a song in her heart today and it deserved a little music accompanying it.

"Here," Edward had chuckled at her, calmly reaching over to adjust the dial.  
Within a few seconds he'd located a classic rock station and winked for her when Bella's smile had begun to brighten.

It wasn't that difficult an undertaking—you just had to know which end of the dial to search; and being only an hour from his usual residence Edward was familiar with the extremely limited channels that were available around here. All the same, he was so pleased with himself that he'd started to hum along with the familiar song playing, and before he knew it he was outright singing.

At any other time in his life Edward would have never allowed for such a lapse in control, particularly had he been around anyone else. But this wasn't just anyone; this was Bella. She didn't like for him to be shy around her, and she always went out of her way to ease his anxiety. She was determined to show him that there was never a need to hide whatever emotions he might be feeling from her.  
In fact to ease any of the potential panic that the realization he was having a total guilty pleasure, driving down the road with the radio turned up, singing at the top of your lungs moment might have caused, she'd jumped right in there and started singing along with him—through several undisguised bouts of delighted laughter that is.

It was the sort of moment that was hard to forget; one that could lift your spirits when you're down or validated them when you were already feeling content.  
It was so thrilling that when the song, which was ironically rather appropriate, had finally ended Bella was moved to unfasten her seatbelt and scoot closer to Edward's position as he drove.

"Unbelievable," she chuckled while kissing the heated side of his neck.

She decided to curl her legs up on the part of the seat she'd abandoned and let her head rest against his shoulder, enjoying the way his free arm immediately come around to hold her.

"What else don't I know about you yet?" she had to ask.  
And since she already thought that time had a way of flying when they were together she had no way of being prepared for how quickly it would move when Edward was fully engaged, answering and asking questions that had yet to be addressed.

"What else do you want to know?" he'd asked innocently enough to begin with.

They'd talked for hours on end since deciding that it was something they could comfortably enjoy. They'd asked all of the basic getting to know you questions early on, and they'd shared much about their lives before meeting one another already. However, Bella's response to Edward's question would launch them into a whole new realm of inquiries and explanations.

"What's the first song you ever played on the piano?"

"Twinkle Twinkle little Star."

"For real?"

"I love music, and I _developed_ a talent for it, but I started out just like anyone else. I wasn't playing Beethoven or Tchaikovsky right out the gate or anything."

He gave her a playful little squeeze to let her know that it wasn't a silly question and jumped right into the game with one of his own.

"First book you ever read?"

"Fox in Socks."

"What, no War and Peace at age four?" He teased.

"Point taken, but I don't have a genius level IQ either."

"Maybe not on paper, but that stuff's all relative anyhow. You're still an incredibly intelligent woman."

His compliment made her blush but she wasn't going to let him get away with turning the tables so easily.

Edward was a very smart man and Bella felt as though accepting that others would see him as such could do wonders for his perpetually low self-esteem—an area that she knew a little something about thanks to her own experiences.

"There's no reason to deny how smart you are."

"I didn't mean it that way; but you know, even the people who dreamt up the standard grading system for intelligence tend to admit that it's horribly flawed—everything from social and ethnic bias, to discrepancies based on gender and age, even personality traits. And you can't forget that many people who are supposed geniuses have a frightening predilection towards psychosis.  
"It all adds up to a bunch of freaks labeled _genius_, and yet none of those people truly possess the same level of intellect. Not exactly a club you'd _want_ to be a member of."

"You've given this a lot of thought."

"I give everything a lot of thought." He chuckled, "Well, except singing cheesy old love songs for no apparent reason I guess."

"I think _happy_ will make you do that sometimes. Ever notice how often your sister breaks out in song at such random times? She doesn't even need music to prompt her most days."

It was an easy transition away from a topic that both Edward and Bella were happy to avoid. Edward didn't want to dwell on problems today; instead he was hoping to focus on the positives that had come about since leaving town. And Bella, she was just pleased to see him acknowledge any amount of trouble or concern he felt like talking about, so there was no disappointment from her end.

"Speaking of, she's pissed about the lack of technology connecting us at the moment."

He went on to explain that he'd sent the text they'd agreed to last night after they'd stopped, but while she'd still been sleeping.  
In doing so he was greeted by three voice messages and four texts as soon as he'd powered up his phone—all from Alice. She was sweet and supportive as always during the first message. She'd congratulated him on the new house and mentioned that she'd talked to their mother who was just as happy for him. She then wished them a safe trip and lots of fun, followed by a mischievous giggle. The second was another just checking in, hope all is well and see you soon, type message; but as he moved on to the last she was starting to let her feelings show. It was subtle, but Edward knew his sister; what came off as concern really meant that she was aggravated with their lack of communication.

Bella thought about what he had relayed and decided that it was best to let Alice know that they were doing well and having a good time sooner rather than later. When she'd pitched the idea to Edward he'd grinned and agreed, since her meaning was quite evident.  
Should they wait until after they'd arrived at the cabin to contact any one of his family members and notify them of their safe arrival they would be obligated to answer too many questions and spend too much time doing things other than whatever they might choose to pursue first. Even a simple text message would just be fuel to a fire that was already starting to burn a little too brightly in Alice's case.

"Hey you!"

"Bella! How's everything going, are you there yet?"

"Almost. Edward says another twenty or thirty minutes. We're out in the freakin' middle of nowhere so it can't be much farther."

Everyone privy to that comment had a good laugh, since all of the explanation and description in the world couldn't prepare someone for just how far away from _everything_ Edward truly lived.

"So…" Alice had prompted cryptically a moment later after telling Bella about the one and only time she'd accompanied Edward and her father to the cabin, back when she was still a little girl.

"So?" Bella teased.

"Dammit woman!"

Bella laughed good naturedly knowing that she could either reassure her dearest friend at this moment with an all is well and getting better type statement, or she could royally freak her out with a recap of what had _gone down_ last night.

She chose the previous option knowing that Edward would be terribly disturbed to find out that she and his sister might have discussed anything about their physical relationship, no matter how innocent the conversation might have been.

"Trust is everything and love will take care of the rest." Alice helpfully supplied before Bella said goodbye.

Alice had come to understand that these two people, whom she cared so deeply for, were in fact doing alright. They were growing and changing together—thriving as a couple; and she was tremendously proud of them both. However her main focus and the source of her frustration was that she always had Bella and Edward's fears at the forefront of her mind. She knew how fragile they both were and she knew that introducing sex into any relationship could prove a complicated business even under ideal circumstances.  
Knowing her brother the way she did, she knew that he often cut contact as a first line of defense when things weren't going well for him. And likewise Bella had a habit of shutting herself off from others when she was in a bad place emotionally. So it was understandable that being unable to reach them, and not knowing for sure the reason, had her worrying over the what and why.

Certainly they could be looking for privacy and making use of their time alone, but on the flipside they might have stumbled into something they were unprepared for.  
Right now they were so far away, and all alone in every sense of the phrase. Should something go wrong or should something unforeseen occur there was no one to mediate, answer questions, or guide them through the unknown. Sure, they would need to come to terms with whatever they faced on their own, but her goal in all of this had always been to remind them that they were capable, and that she was there for moral support should either of them feel a need to talk.

Her concern hadn't been necessary though. About twenty minutes after Bella had switched her phone off, this time with Alice's blessing, she and Edward had finally arrived at their intended destination.

He was nervous, she could tell. His hands, though they had been as untroubled as she'd ever seen them only a short while ago, were now on a mission to find a suitable distraction. It wasn't his usual type of anxiety however. Instead he seemed anxious in the sense that he was eager to get out of the truck and show her inside, introduce her to his home and all of the things he loved most about it.  
And she was very right.

He would tell her later that he'd begun to question himself and whether or not he'd made his bed before leaving so many weeks ago, or if their might have been the odd dish or glass left lying around. He wanted to make a good impression even after all this time, and he knew that letting Bella enter his most treasured space and have her discover his sometimes slovenly ways would be mortifying, even if she'd never hold it against him.

There was no need for such worry though, since Bella was already so taken with the surroundings and cabin itself that she would have never noticed anything out of place. But of course there was also another matter at hand.  
Their arrival here signaled the end of a journey, but the beginning of another. It was one that he felt confident they would complete; and yet he still worried about what path they might choose to best lead them there.

He waited and watched as Bella took his hand and let her eyes wander over every little detail of the cabin's exterior.

Thanks to age and preservation measures that Carlisle had seen to many years ago the wooden structure had a very dark appearance. There was a low overhang acting as a front porch which housed a substantial stack of firewood, a single wooden chair, and a large rectangular box at the far end, baring a padlock. The front door was modern, like that of any other house, but it didn't seem out of place given the rustic look of everything else, thanks to an appropriate selection of paint. And the new roof he'd told her about was obvious and impressive, being made of cedar plank shingles instead of a more common manufactured asphalt variety. It leant a bit of contrast to the place and though it was certainly not Edward's intention it made the cabin stand out against the encroaching forest.

There was no yard per se, just a few spaces among the nearest trees that were a bit larger and possessing less brush and undergrowth than the areas farther away. Parked in one such space was the infamous Range Rover that Edward loved and his mother despised. It was big and black and beat up in all the expected places; and she could see why Edward refused to get rid of it. Like her own truck it had a certain charm, and that, _I'll never let you down_ look about it.

It was a look similar to the one that Edward was now giving her.

He'd already told her all about his home, what it looked like, the different things that made it so special to him, and the reasons why he'd chosen to live here for so long. He hadn't held back when describing the simplicity, nor its rugged construction, but all the same he wanted her to know that this was not all that he was capable of.

"It's even more wonderful than I managed to imagine." She'd happily enthused, in order to quell whatever was prompting that look.

He wasn't embarrassed or worried exactly. It was more an expression that conveyed his understanding that this was not the normal home of a young, successful individual. It was built a long time ago with minimal resources, and even with the improvements that had been made over the years it was still the same simple structure it had always been.

"It's not much," he sighed, "but I've always been so happy here."

She smiled her understanding and pulled him towards the house, in a silent request to see the inside.

She thought she was prepared. But she was not.

They'd already discussed in great detail his living arrangement, so much so that she already had a good picture in mind of what she would find on the other side of the door. She knew that the cabin was made up of four small rooms, two of which he had added after deciding to live here fulltime.  
The first was obviously the main living area, which acted for him as a living room, kitchen and office space. The second was a small bathroom, which his father had constructed many years ago. And after moving in, he had personally added what would become his bedroom and a small utility area, which was necessary for the electrical upgrades his work would require. It also provided a useful storage space and allowed for some other conveniences, such as a larger water heater and washing machine.

Bella already knew the basic layout of his home and its simple nature, what she had been unprepared for though was how much of Edward was present in absolutely every inch of it.  
It seemed a silly thing to overlook in retrospect, but Bella had never before considered how the unique aspects of Edward's personality might manifest in such tangible ways.

The interior of his home was cozy and leant itself to quiet reflection, security, and calm—all of the things Edward seemed to value most.  
There was no central source of light, the only electric fixtures being a small collection of low wattage lamps; two in the living room, another to light the bedroom and one more to illuminate the bath. All other light had to come from the outdoors, the lack of a traditional heating and air system making it necessary to open the house for ventilation and climate control anyhow.

As Bella stood with Edward in the open doorway she was taken by the prominence of his furniture, sparse but purposeful. His black leather sofa was well used and the first thing you noticed. In front of that there was a low coffee table, which showed obvious signs of age, but also steps to care for its condition. Across the short space available between there and what served as his kitchen he had a beautiful upright piano sitting just left of a brick fireplace.

And speaking of the kitchen, it was nothing more than a two burner stove and microwave oven. A refrigerator dominated much of the space next to that, though it was small by normal standards. And a set of upper and lower cabinets took up the far wall adjacent to it, providing storage and a short section of countertop, including a farmhouse style sink.

Without a word Bella walked further inside, their clasped hands encouraging Edward to come along as she ventured passed his desk and an impressive array of paperwork and electronics.

Her destination was obvious; she wanted to see what was behind door number one.

There were no surprises, as his bedroom was exactly as he had described it. A double bed sat to one side with a wooden chair, much like the one outside pushed into the opposite corner. On the free wall, nearest the door he had a short bookshelf overflowing with novels and textbooks alike.

So far Bella hadn't noticed anything of a personal nature or steps taken to decorate the space, beyond the basic furnishings. The cabin itself and the limited amenities didn't disturb her in the least. It was still a relief though to see that he did keep a little collection of photographs framed and set atop the bookcase.

Edward could apparently sense her feelings, because he picked up one of the pictures and handed it to her. He was fourteen years old when it was taken; his rapidly increasing height making his body appear slight and gangly at best during that time in his life. He was dressed in a suit and tie, which she could only guess had been skewed by his nervous hands fiddling with the knot. And of course his ordinarily unruly mop of hair had been combed and tamed for the most part.

It had been taken on the day of his one and only public piano performance—one of the best and one of the worst days of his life all rolled into one.  
He'd suffered the most severe bout of anxiety he'd ever been made to endure to that point in his life, but he could find no valid excuse back then for skipping the recital—a stipulation required for admittance to his school in Chicago. But in the end he'd accomplished that which he'd never wanted nor dared to even consider achieving.

"It helps me to remember sometimes, you know…that I can." He confessed when Bella's smile of recognition appeared.

Her fingers lightly traced the image of Edward's younger self.

"It's hardly fair. You were _always_ so handsome." She grinned.

"When was the last time you had your eyes checked?"

"That might have been up for debate if you hadn't already provided the proof."

Bella casually indicated the other photographs displayed. One was of his parents from at least ten years ago, but all of the others were of Edward and Alice during various stages of their childhood together. In each of them there was nothing to refute that he was indeed the most adorable little boy, the cutest kid and an undeniably handsome young man.

"All the same, I think you're unfairly biased."

"Maybe." She conceded as she turned to face him, her hand travelling the length of his torso before coming to rest over his heart—a heart which had begun to pound, having anticipated this moment for so long.

He covered her hand with one of his own and reached to bring her body closer in the same motion. He hadn't been able to think of when or exactly how this was all going to go, but his instinct was telling him to take advantage of what he had standing right before him. The reminder of what that picture had always meant to him, and Bella's understanding of its significance had taken the guess work out of things and it had become time to make good on a few promises.

"Tell me you don't want this." His voice was soft and gentle, imploring her to consider what he was saying before she might make up her mind.

There was no point in putting this off any longer. They'd been waiting and thinking and preparing for this day long enough.

"I _do_ want this, Edward. I want _you_."

Her body was leaning into his and her hands had tangled into the front of his shirt.

"Bella," Edward lifted her chin so that she could see into his eyes, "I love you with all my heart. Every piece of me belongs to you now."

He slowly reached up and removed first his own glasses and then hers as well.

"Tell me to stop if you want me to."

She took hold of his face and shook her head ever so slightly. She remembered the words she'd said—what she'd asked of him that night in Seattle, and that he'd promised to give her the same courtesy. She was prepared to hear those words, but she was even more prepared to accept his offer.

"Show me, Sweetheart."

And he did. He kissed her gently, as if for the first time—his lips taking great care to explore the soft pliable feel of her mouth before allowing his tongue to thoroughly taste the flavor of her kiss.

Breathless and dizzy after several moments spent enjoying what he felt was one of Bella's greatest talents he slowly wrapped an arm about her and pushed his fingers into her hair. His movement redirected their position, allowing him to lay her down across his bed. Then, seconds later, there was a deep groan of satisfaction when her hand wandered over his backside, encouraging his hips to push forward and bring his weight down upon her. Hands began to wander and his kisses travelled from her lips to her neck and beyond.

Bella was lost in a sea of wonder. She knew this day would come and she knew that Edward would take the utmost care to insure that the experience was as thrilling as it was comfortable for them both, but she hadn't counted on how much she would appreciate his efforts. With every touch and every kiss she fell more and more in love with him. What he couldn't express with words he was able to show her with actions and attention. And whatever might have been left unsaid after all this time was no longer of importance; Bella knew in no uncertain terms that Edward truly adored everything about her.

As her first orgasm, courtesy of his overly skilled fingers and an increased learning curve, rocked her body with pleasure Bella became aware of two very important things. The first was that she had no apprehension whatsoever about what was happening to her body or what was yet to come; and the second, even more surprising discovery was that while she had been fully relieved of her clothing, Edward was still completely dressed.

"Oops." She had giggled after taking a brief moment to recover her senses, her hand searching for the buttons of his shirt suddenly.

"I don't see anything wrong with this situation." He'd grinned, despite shifting his weight to help her remove his shirt entirely.

Bella gave him an impish look before lowering her head and kissing her way across his chest. As she worked her way back to the crook of his neck she let her tongue taste his skin and enjoyed his body's reaction to the sensation she'd created.  
Her recent experience and the sounds his body seemed so prone to made the words easier to say as Bella placed a tender kiss against his scar.

"You might think it's alright, but I still want to hear my lion growl."

Playfully and unexpectedly he did just that, while grabbing her and flipping them so that she was underneath him once more. They laughed and giggled as she tickled his sides and he nuzzled her neck with his beard; each of them understanding that part of what made this process so special was that they'd never known this type of freedom with anyone else.

Eventually however those teasing touches and joyful sounds had turned into a rather intense hunger.  
Bella was kissing along the length of Edward's fingers before taking the tip of his thumb into her mouth, her teeth and tongue grazing over the sensitive pad. It elicited another growl, this one being far deeper and possessing a fair amount of warning. She knew what she was doing though, so when she'd relented and his hand had come to hold the nape of her neck, she looked into his eyes before nodding to answer his silent question. Never breaking their connection Edward kicked away the last of his clothing and settled his body against her.

"Tell me, Baby." He pleaded one last time, caressing her thigh in a wordless request to be granted access. Whether his statement was to give her one more chance to stall the inevitable or whether he needed her reassurance in some way it didn't really matter. Bella had already decided that it was time so her response was merely a, "Yes."

His body shook with the effort to control his movement, but he never looked away, refusing to close his eyes and miss one minute of this experience. Bella was so wet and ready for him, but he wouldn't give in until she'd been satisfied, knowing that after he entered her the odds were not in their favor that she could experience much in the way of pleasure. But fortunately or otherwise, as they were both still so unused to such stimulation, Bella had begun to quiver and contract after only a short time with the length of his erection rhythmically sliding along her opening.

Taking that moment as his cue to act he had kissed her deeply before pulling away to concentrate once more as he shifted his position and slowly guided himself into her entrance.

"Look at me, Baby." He pleaded, knowing that this was not the time for her to mistake him for anyone besides the man who loved her beyond anything else in this world.

She'd wanted him to growl but he had no idea that such a sound was even possible until it had already left him. He'd literally roared with triumph as his release took over the moment she'd smiled up at him and nodded that she was okay. He'd only just ever so carefully become fully sheathed within her warmth, and that was all it had taken.

His size was overwhelming to her but it didn't hurt at all. It instead provided a rather welcomed discomfort, especially after seeing what their joining had done for him. It brought tears to her eyes but for another reason entirely.

"I love you." She'd whispered hoarsely when his forehead had come to rest against hers, and with her entire being she knew that she meant it. Her heart, her body, and her love—every piece of her belonged to him.

He wrapped his arms around her tightly and pulled out just as carefully, rolling to his side, bringing her with him.

Edward kissed her gently and smiled his timid smile.

"Okay?" was all he was capable of asking at the moment as he brushed aside her remaining tears.

"Happy." She'd quietly promised, her hand cradling the side of his face.

He agreed with a satisfied sigh but in his mind he knew that both of them needed to invest in a new vocabulary; because though happy was the right emotion the word didn't even come close to expressing the amount of joy this day had given him—and it was still early.

**End Notes:** E&B certainly thought the wait was worth it, I hope you did too :)

Feel free to check my profile so you can find out what turned out to be Edward's "guilty pleasure" song. (you know you've all caught yourselves singing this at some point…if you haven't I sort of feel sorry for ya, LOL)


	52. Chapter 52

A/N: I don't dedicate chapters very often but I've been so moved by the eloquent and humbling praise I can always seem to count on from you, so this one's yours baynewen ;)  
Thanks for always encouraging me to try and outdo myself! Hope this one's at least up to your standards, lol.

Chapter 52

Bella was experiencing the strangest feeling of déjà vu. She couldn't recall every dream she'd had in the days following she and Edward's earliest conversations, but this type of moment had been featured in more than one, making it seem far more familiar than it should have.

Apparently her subconscious understood many things that she'd not thought to consider, like how much she had always been attracted to the idea of an _intelligent,_ hardworking man. Had she already known that about herself perhaps she would have understood some aspects of her immediate and ever growing fascination with Edward a lot sooner. It didn't matter now though, since she was completely smitten with every single trait he had to offer, and many sides of himself that she was still busy discovering.

Take this moment for instance; the sight of him sitting there across the room from her, his hair a mess, his glasses trying to slide down the bridge of his nose, and his indifference to the situation—not making the first effort to fix either one, had her wondering if he'd ever looked better.  
It was a strange thought even in her mind, having already seen him so many other ways; meticulously groomed and wearing designer clothes, or the more preferable everyday appearance she'd always appreciated—somewhat disheveled but adorable as ever, seemed like a far more appropriate look for her to have such thoughts about. But to her this was just as nice.

He hadn't shaved since before they'd gone to meet her father, which had left him with a substantial amount of facial hair. It added that little edge of rugged charm that she'd always considered so sexy, and it also reminded her of the lengths he was willing to go to insure her emotional comfort, simple as the gesture may be.  
What made this scene even better though was that there was a pen behind his right ear and another held between his teeth while he bent over the work cluttering his desk, those brilliant green eyes seeming to take in a million different things at once.

Bella shifted slightly so that she could lean a hip against the countertop and just watch.

She knew that he was the type to work diligently at a task but she'd never had the privilege of observing him in action. Watching him work on his journal or check his emails on occasion hadn't prepared her for the type of intensity she could see in him now. He was focused and efficient, and she realized after just a few seconds that he was outrageously _hot!  
_And even more importantly he was hers_._

She might have felt bad for staring and she might have made herself find something else to do so that he wouldn't think that she was hovering, except for the fact that he'd promised her this would only take a few minutes and that she was welcomed to sit with him while he worked.  
The only reason that she wasn't still on his lap was that she'd decided to get up and find them something to drink, and in doing so she'd discovered that this vantage point was surprisingly even more enjoyable.

The house was open to allow for some airflow this evening before the temperatures outside might dip below a comfortable level, but in the fading daylight he'd had to move a lamp over to help him see. It was now glowing beautifully against his bare shoulders, thanks to his decision to remain shirtless today.

"What can I make us for supper tonight?" she'd quietly asked after taking in her fill of him for a few more minutes.

She might have been tempted to linger in the kitchen watching him from afar for a little longer, had the need to touch him not become so strong.

"Nope. I was already planning to cook for you." He'd removed the pen from his mouth and grinned rather charmingly as he accepted the beer she presented. The way his free hand had come to immediately settle upon hers as she lovingly caressed the scar on his shoulder told her that he appreciated her tenderness even more than the beverage she'd returned with.

"You're busy, Sweetheart. I really don't mind."

"And you are supposed to be relaxing." He raised an eyebrow to let her know that he wasn't going to change his mind.

"Edward, I've hardly done anything today accept build some boxes and do some laundry."

"I'm already done with what I was doing anyway." He pushed his notebook away and dropped the other pen on top of it to prove his point.

"I'll wait until tomorrow to unhook all of this."

She was well aware that he'd only wanted to boot up his computer equipment this evening, since it had been shut down while he was away; write out some of his most recent programing parameters to insure that he could remember them when it was time to hook everything back up in a few days, and then kill the power once more so that he could begin disassembling it in the morning.  
She was still prepared to protest though, seeing as he'd indicated already that there was very little to be done, until it came time to actually pack things up the following day. If he was busy doing things to prepare for tomorrow then she could certainly see to their dinner tonight.

"Let me spoil you for a few days, Baby." He pleaded, knowing that she wasn't going to let this go by the look in her eyes. "I know that you're here to help, but we've got tons of time, and all I really want to do tonight is relax and be with you."  
He pulled her onto his lap once more and wrapped his arms around her.

"I promise tomorrow we'll get some things done—together. If you're a good girl maybe we can even go play in the woods for a while when we finish."

Bella smiled at his playful attempts to humor her. He knew that he was being overly protective and that it wasn't entirely necessary but she loved that he wanted to take care of her all the same. It was endearing after all the way that he'd begun to look at her over the past twenty-four hours, like she was his own personal angel. It was so much more than a _just got laid_ look; it was more of an, _I've well and truly given my heart to you_ look. And Bella knew the feeling.

In terms of their first sexual experience she couldn't have orchestrated a better scenario. Edward was kind and giving, and he hadn't been overly neurotic about the time or place as she'd worried he might be. There was no hesitation from either of them once the opportunity had presented itself; and more importantly they had been able to truly enjoy what many people would always consider a less than satisfying experience.  
It might have had something to do with the emotional preparation and understanding that had gone into the earlier stages of their relationship. Or maybe it was the fact that they'd been able to relax and hold one another for as long as they'd wanted to afterwards—no risk of interruption or obligations to force a separation until they felt good and ready to move on.  
Whatever it really was, Bella couldn't complain. She had a man that was willing to treat her like a princess and see to her needs above all else, and she had no doubts that he thoroughly appreciated every aspect of her attention to the utmost degree.

"Fine, but I'll clean up afterwards." She finally conceded.

He kissed her lips and let his hand wander up underneath the loose fitting shirt she'd borrowed from his closet, loving that she was comfortable enough with him now to go without a bra more often than not when they were alone.

"As long as you don't fuss at me for helping." He whispered against her mouth.

"I'm beginning to think that you like it when I fuss." She chuckled, in part because of her teasing, but also thanks to the pleasurable feel of his hand making its way from her back, across her ribs and upwards to cup her breast.

"I love everything about you." He promised, his lips now finding the pert nipple exposed by his efforts through the thin fabric covering her.

It was the most intimate contact he'd been willing to share since they'd actually made love for the first time and Bella was thrilled that he seemed to be over the stubbornly abstinent position he'd chosen to adopt since then.  
There had been no shortage of affection. He would kiss and hold her as often as possible, and he saw to her every need without hesitation; but they had only just started to enjoy the type of contact they'd begun to experiment with over the past few days and she wasn't keen on doing without for very long if at all possible.

Fortunately she realized that this was something they were going to have to work through together. Edward was still fearful of hurting her, no matter how easy or successful their first experience with intercourse had been. In his mind this was all so new, and there was still a risk of rushing into things that might make Bella uncomfortable, be it physically or emotionally. So even though Bella was confident that they were ready to proceed with more, Edward needed a moment to find a little extra courage. Knowing this, it was her intention to remain patient and grant him the time he needed to conquer this newest set of fears, trusting that he would recognize her desire when the time was right.

She understood why he felt the way he did, and she was grateful that he was willing to talk to her. It made it much easier to relate and in turn share her own feelings about their situation—as always.

The day before had seen them reach a pinnacle of sorts within their relationship. They were officially more than friends, more than two people in love and more than just a happy couple—they had become _lovers.  
_The title wasn't nearly as important as the meaning in her opinion, since it signified how far they'd come and where they were headed in the future. But it was also the day before that Edward had come to understand that Bella's physical commitment to their future was far beyond anything he'd ever have to offer in order to prove his love.

They were beginning to get use to the tangible results of intimacy, so it was after relaxing and taking time to kiss and cuddle and express their appreciation for such a wonderful experience that they had mutually decided it was time to deal with the less desirable product of their lovemaking. And it was then that Edward had been made to realize just how much Bella was sacrificing to be with him.  
She'd never so much as blinked, the expression she'd given him from the moment he'd entered her being nothing short of pleasurable, but unfortunately the evidence was still there.

"I'm good, Sweetheart. I swear you didn't hurt me."

The blood that was intermingled with the fluids coating both of them told a different story, though Edward was intelligent enough to know that this was to be expected.  
He didn't say a word but he'd been unwilling to ignore the fact that she'd given him so much. Taking her into his arms he'd carried her to the bath where he'd carefully and quietly washed away the proof of her innocence.

Bella was concerned as his silence had lingered for quite some time. She worried that her fears—those that he might pull away and worry over her wellbeing to the point of denying what they truly wanted were being realized. But he'd eventually corrected her assumption.

"Bella," he'd stated in a voice that she wasn't use to hearing, "I want to have you again so badly that it hurts…I'm..." he sighed heavily, "God knows, I'm…fucking _addicted_ to everything about you," There was such pain in his words and a raging conflict was evident in his eyes, but he was committed to being honest. "You're going to need a little while to heal before we can try again," Edward had caressed her hair and kissed her forehead as he paused to let his words sink in, "because frankly I don't know if I have it in me to control myself as well the next time."

"I wouldn't want you to." She'd smiled at his confession.

She was indeed sore after the fact. It was just a mild ache and a bit of a burning sensation that seemed to come and go, but it wasn't painful by any means; still she wondered about her ability to handle him again so soon, making his decision one that she was willing to agree to with little opposition—for the time being.

Now however, with his face buried against her chest, his displaced glass having been discarded altogether to allow for his current position and his hands exploring her body, Bella was wondering if she could persuade him to try.

"Careful, Sweetheart." She warned in a playful voice, "You're going to make me ask for more if you keep it up."

"You're just so damn irresistible." He sighed, leaning back in his chair once more, his hands coming to settle upon her waist. He was grinning as he spoke so Bella smiled back at him and leaned in to kiss his lips.

"I could say the same about you."

Edward let her hands rub up and down over his chest for a moment, once more enjoying the soothing feel of her touch before he gathered her in his arms and stood. He walked carefully around his desk and over the short distance between it and his sofa. When he laid her down he knelt beside her and traced the outline of her face with the back of his fingers.

"Give me ten minutes."

She couldn't seem to speak so she nodded instead and watched him walk over to retrieve the beer and his glasses from where he'd left them on his desk before making his way to the kitchen.

She'd dreamt of this part too, though she had no recollection of it until this moment.

He was wearing nothing but a pair of loose fitting cargo shorts that he'd unearthed from the bottom of his closet earlier in the day. This attire which she wasn't use to seeing him in allowed her a whole new way of observing his body, as it gave her plenty to look at and left just enough to the imagination; or in her case, memory. And adding to the overall appeal, she could tell that he was obviously comfortable this way.

Bella propped herself up so that she could see him better while still reclining against the sofa's armrest. She took pleasure now in watching what she had to guess was probably his usual nightly routine.

He took a pull from his beer before setting it aside and chose a knife from the first drawer on his left. He then rummaged through the refrigerator for a second coming up with an armload of things—many of which they had brought with them, knowing that there wouldn't be much of a perishable nature capable of surviving after all this time.  
He then opened a cabinet and located a few other items, which Bella recognized as being just for her—a single wineglass and a corkscrew to open the bottle he'd just pulled from a small rack sitting in the corner.

There was some chopping and humming and a few moments spent arranging the oversized plate which he now presented to her with a playful bow.

In addition to an impressive array of fruit, vegetables, and cheese, he'd provided an assortment of crackers to make up their first course.

"Thought I'd try for something more exciting than peanut butter." He teased, making reference to their repetitious meal of choice over the past day and a half.

Neither of them had wanted to stop or use time they could spend driving in order to eat anything more elaborate the day before, so they'd opted for the simplest solution. And every time since, for whatever reason when they'd felt a need for food that jar of peanut butter seemed like it was calling to them.  
Now, with nothing competing for their time, and Edward hoping to impress as always, it had become his intention to try for something a little more…_romantic._

She promised that it looked wonderful, despite pointing out how much cooking had not gone into this preparation, and gave him a thank you kiss when he'd brought over the wine. But he wasn't quite finished yet.

He stole a piece of apple from the plate and popped it in his mouth as he went back to get his beer. When he headed her way again he stopped off at his desk in order to activate his ipod dock and then he ventured over to the fireplace looking for the box of matches he usually kept nearby.  
A good stack of wood and kindling was already waiting so it didn't take long before there was a growing flame at work. And Bella found herself smiling at the way he so casually shoved the coffee table to one side before taking his seat next to her on the sofa. Immediately he lifted her legs and scooted even closer until they were across his lap leaning in at the same time to accept a morsel of cheese she was offering.

It turned out to be reminiscent of the earliest dinner they'd shared together, just the two of them. This time however they were alone in mountains of Colorado, sitting in Edward's cabin in front of a glowing fire, a far greater sense of comfort and purpose surrounding the situation. They ate at a lazy pace, feeding one another and kissing as often as they liked. So, it wasn't any wonder that by the time Bella's glass of wine had been finished and most of the food eaten, Edward found that she was now straddling his lap instead of lounging across it.

The afternoon prior Bella had enjoyed cuddling with Edward on this sofa as they relaxed and watched a movie together. And later she'd lain by herself as he treated her to a prolonged concert of sorts at her request, playing countless songs on his piano—some that she knew well and others that she'd never heard. It was a wonderful way to spend their first day here, just being together and absorbing the significance of the day in general. It was romantic in many ways, but tonight they both seemed intent on looking for more.

"Are you sure, love? I couldn't bear it if I were to hurt you."

His soft voice was full of conflict and restraint, making Bella understand that she couldn't tease him with such affection any longer, though it was never her intention to _tease_. Any advance on her part had always been with a purpose. It was clear however that they had finally reached a point to where anything less than everything would seem pointless. Fortunately, Bella was eager to see just how good this could be.

"You won't." She assured him as she let her hips push into his, finding that whether he felt ready or not his body was certainly in favor of submission.

With a deep groan rumbling inside of him, Edward closed his eyes and let his arms wrap all the way around her, holding her to him.

"I want you to stay like this. It might be easier for both of us if you're in control."

Bella had only a brief moment of hesitation, not really understanding his request. Her naïveté was not so severe that she didn't realize how various positions would offer different sensations, or in this instance an ability to set a certain depth and pace. What she hadn't counted on however was Edward's openness to trying something different so soon, and the ease with which he'd agreed to try.

Not about to squander the opportunity, nor his willingness, Bella gave him a shy little smile as she began to unbutton the shirt she wore. When it was undone and hanging open Edward looked into her eyes while his hands took over, slowly parting the fabric to expose first her shoulders and then her breasts, guiding it all the way down her arms and to the floor.

It was amazing to him how she'd never sought to cover herself from his gaze. Even in the beginning as they were still fumbling their way through the preliminary learning phases, Bella had exhibited a tremendous amount of trust, which he knew he would never take for granted. It was why he was willing to, against his better judgment, allow her the choice tonight. He wanted to take care of her and give her time, show her that he hadn't developed any unreasonable expectations now that they'd reached this place, despite his urges. And the more important thing he wished to convey was his own trust in her. If she said that she was ready and that she wanted to try for more than he would gladly do whatever he could to make things easier so they might ultimately fulfill that desire.

Slowly, after quite a while spent enjoying Edward's kisses, Bella backed away so that she could pull her jeans off and allow him a chance to get rid of his shorts. When she resumed her previous position she found herself shivering with anticipation.

"It's alright, Baby." He encouraged removing his hands from where he'd placed them against her hips.

She caught him before he could let go entirely and kissed one of his hands before moving them both to cradle her breasts instead.  
It wasn't the cold sensation of his touch, but more the overall of feel of her naked body in such proximity to his that had her trembling. It was a feeling that she'd begun to insatiably crave, and though it had been less than a day since they'd lain together in such a state she was unprepared for how powerful her response would be.

"Hold me." She whispered, her lips caressing his ear as she melted into him, allowing the tip of his erection to graze along her opening.  
And that was all the help she'd needed. As soon as his arms had come around her body, bringing her against him in every way, she'd lowered herself to him, slowly but purposefully.

Together, clinging to one another they lost their breath unsure of what to expect, their previous experience beginning and ending in accentually one motion.  
One second passed and then another and finally a third, before Bella adjusted slightly and realized that the movement seemed to help.  
It was shockingly pleasant in fact, despite the heat and lingering ache; and when she lifted herself up further along his shaft she knew for certain that she wasn't the only one surprised by the feeling.

Edward made a valiant effort to censor his words but in the end that was the least of his worries, as it was all he could do to hold on as Bella took his body to a place he'd never thought possible. It was a different sensation entirely, being inside of her. And better still, being at her mercy as she worked to bring herself pleasure with what he had to offer, it was beyond anything he'd ever imagined.

As expected though, their inexperience wouldn't allow it to last more than a few moments. Edward did his best to remain still in his orgasm wanting to give her time, but Bella was more than okay with it. The discomfort she'd anticipated wasn't unbearable, and indeed the more she'd moved the easier it was. She hadn't managed to climax but she hadn't expected to either. Her desire had been to test the waters and see what they might be capable of and how soon, so the emotional intimacy of the act was fulfillment enough for now. Just knowing that in the future they would be alright and that she didn't have to fear the unknown was a wonderful accomplishment. And of course watching Edward stare at her with such admiration after the fact was nothing short of amazing.

He couldn't find any words to express his feelings, and repeating any of the impassioned four letter words that had already escaped him seemed a bit counterproductive, so instead he kissed her gently and shifted until he was in a better position to move.  
Once he was better situated to do so, he carefully laid Bella down on the rug in front of the fire where the blanket they'd snuggled under the day before was hastily spread out to receive her, and followed closely stretching out beside her. He then grabbed a corner of the blanket and covered them as she again cuddled up to his body.

"Don't fall asleep on me so soon, Baby." He eventually requested when it seemed as though she'd gotten a little too comfortable in his arms. "You haven't had dessert yet."

Bella looked up with a curious expression from where she'd laid her head on his chest, thinking that she couldn't imagine surviving anything much sweeter.

Edward merely grinned and reached over to pull the sack of supplies he'd put together and stored by the fireplace earlier in the day while she was out back starting a load of laundry for him.

He could recall nearly every conversation they'd had, and he'd made a habit of remembering every little thing that Bella might indicate she'd enjoy so that he could try and fulfill as many of her wishes as possible. He'd never thought that they would actually end up making love on his sofa by firelight tonight, but he did have every intention of letting her fall asleep on the floor and eat s'mores for breakfast—if there were any leftovers in the morning that is.


	53. Chapter 53

A/N: Would you understand if I said I sorta forgot how to write for a while? *sheepish smile*

Chapter 53

It was no wonder that Alice wasn't use to being alone. She had two of the most wonderful and loving people for parents; and if that wasn't enough she had a brother who would do nearly anything to please her. With that in mind, she'd never seen a need to look outside of her own family for companionship as a child. That is until she was a bit older and Edward had gone off to school in Chicago.  
It never took very long for her to fill any sort of emotional void, thanks to her social and outgoing personality, but it was only once Bella had entered her life that she again felt truly content; and with Jasper following soon after she'd been absolutely blissful ever since.

The past several days had been quite the learning experience for her however. With Jasper away on one of his many trips, and Bella having taken off with Edward in order to move him back home, she had very little to occupy her time outside of work.  
The first day or so had been fine. She'd taken time to clean and organize much of the house, enjoying the freedom to move about at her own pace and not bother anyone with her high pitched singing, or the random order in which she chose to divide her attention. That night she'd joined her parent's for dinner and they'd had a nice evening together, just the three of them. The following day she'd been super productive at work, effectively wearing herself out to the point of wanting little more than a bite to eat and her bed when she'd gotten home.  
It was only afterwards that she realized she might have made a mistake. By taking on so much at once, the remainder of her week had become far less of a challenge, making the time inevitably slow to little more than a creep.

She was now approaching her fourth day alone and though she'd survived things tolerably well she was starting to appreciate the circle of people she come to count on even more than usual. Jasper had called her up the night prior and though she was super excited for him when she'd learned that he was being put in charge of a restoration project, she was disappointed to know that it would require he stay in Portland for an extra day. This was what he'd been working towards and what he hoped to be doing with his future—saving old historic structures from neglect and possible demolition, so she had no choice but to congratulate him and promise that she was doing just fine. She was proud of his achievement for sure, but she usually had Bella to keep her company when he was away. Now with she and Edward out of town as well, this left Alice feeling rather limited in whom she might call on to entertain her.

But that's when it finally clicked for her.

Bella liked being alone sometimes. She'd often compared an afternoon sitting by herself with a good book as the perfect way to spend a day. It was as relaxing as it was stimulating, since she felt so comfortable inside of her own imagination.  
Alice had never begrudged her friend for whatever pastimes she might find enjoyable, but she'd never really seen the appeal. It was a quandary that had actually eluded her for some time, how a person might find such happiness being all alone, since her brother had always seemed to prefer moments of solitude as well.

Thinking about Bella and Edward and their preferences made Alice wonder if maybe she wasn't the one that might be missing something here.

She and Jasper had talked at length in the past about what they both wanted out of life and what sort of relationship expectations they had. They'd been together a long time and had met when they were quite young, so far as relationships went. They were mature however in that they each wanted to grow and experience things, both together and on their own before settling down in a traditional sense. It was never that they felt any sort of burden being with the other, but they still wanted time to enjoy being themselves, instead of just Jasper and Alice, as if they were a single entity. And it had worked well for them.

Alice had known the freedom of coming and going during her adult life. As a courtesy to Jasper she always told him of her plans and when appropriate she'd include him in whatever she was doing, but she'd never felt any sort of pressure from him. She could enjoy a night with the girls in college and be certain that Jasper was happy to hang out with his roommate or some of the guys from his study group. And likewise if he wanted to go watch the game at some sports bar and drink too much beer on a Friday night she was perfectly content to let him while she and Bella took part in some other, more civilized activity.

The one thing however that she'd never had a desire to, nor had she taken the opportunity to experience before now, was what it might be like to have some time to herself.  
A few moments alone to get ready in the morning, or a half hour spent relaxing before bedtime, didn't constitute the type of alone time she currently found herself possessing, and the novelty of it had suddenly intrigued her.  
Even during those quiet times in her life when she'd been studying or focused on a task, she'd never really been alone. There was always someone else in the room with her, or the house at least. And when she _was_ by herself there was always the knowledge that someone would be coming home eventually—usually within a matter of hours instead of days. But right now that wasn't the case.

Realizing that this could be rather enlightening after all, Alice had decided to make the most of her time. And it was a wise decision indeed, as she was greeted by a phone call the moment she'd thought to pick up her cell and send a text to let everyone know it would be turned off for the remainder of the day—taking a note from Bella and Edward's handbook on how to avoid unwanted interruptions.

"Climbing the walls yet?" Bella had teased when Alice answered in her usual fashion.

"Believe it or not I'm starting to enjoy having the place all to myself."

"It's only three o'clock. Please tell me you haven't already started drinking."

"No silly. But I have been thinking." Alice giggled at her best friend's sense of humor. If nothing else Bella certainly knew her usual personality and she would have guess right had this conversation taken place a few hours ago.

"I may decide differently if you two don't come back by the weekend, but at least for now I'm sort of eager to see how long I can last on my own."

Bella was happy to hear it, but she was sort of reluctant to let her know that the weekend wasn't looking like a possibility right now. She knew how Alice was, and she knew that the absence of her usual companions would be difficult for her to endure, especially since it was terribly uncommon for everyone to be away at once, but she had faith in her ability to persevere.

Still the phone call had been an important one—to let her know that it had been raining nonstop for the past two days and therefore their packing up of said cabin had been put on hold indefinitely.  
She and Edward had nothing to complain about. The plan had always been to have no plan and now in had become obvious that Mother Nature was in agreement, providing a wonderful reason to extend their stay. It did however force them to make a few phone calls and preemptively settle any annoyance that might come from their postponed arrival.

"No that's cool. Jasper's stuck in Portland an extra day as well, so I'm contemplating my options as we speak."

Her instinct was to say that she was sorry to hear that, but Alice didn't seem to have any disappointment in her voice, so instead she chose to tease her a bit more.

"I don't know, Alice. I worry about the amount of time you spend by yourself these days. It's not good to be alone so much, you need people and conversation and oh my god, let's go get pedicures!"

"Ha ha. If you weren't like five states away from me I'd hold you to that you know…What was that?"

"Edward overheard the _five states_ part. He says he's impressed that you actually know how far away Colorado is."

"Smack the shit out of him for me and I'll pretend you didn't just volunteer for a day at the spa with me whenever you do decide to come home."

Bella's laughter was a pleasant sound—one that she realized just then how much she'd begun to miss, but it was the words she said that truly made her smile.

"We'll be back as soon as we can, I promise. Unless of course we decide to run off and get married. I expect a long honeymoon you know; someplace warm and tropical…are you taking notes, Sweetheart?"

"Is there something you need to tell me?" Alice hinted with much amusement.

"Nope." Bella innocently informed her. She was indeed just feeling playful, but Edward's startled reaction had her willing to prolong the game, "And how come that sounded like I'm supposed to tell you first?"

"Because I have a vested interest in both of your futures, and there's also no way in hell you'd ever get away with _running off_ to get married. I will crash the honeymoon if I have to!"

She could hear Edward groaning in the background and something that sounded like a disgruntled "Jesus."

"We're not running off, and we're not getting married, you fool. You know I'm teasing. We'll be back by the first of the week if the weather lets up soon. Edward claims this sort of thing never last more than a few days."

"He's just telling you that so you won't suspect that he's figured out how to control weather patterns, or that he's conveniently stranded you there so he can have his way with you a little longer."

"Well that would show just how smart he isn't. I'm quite a willing captive at this point. No need to conjure up a hurricane in the middle of the Rocky Mountains just to keep me here a while."

"What the hell are you saying now?" Edward wondered, in an exasperated voice.

"Tell Bubby it isn't good to get all grumpy just 'cause his lady friend has decided he's not brilliant."

"Seriously, Alice…_lady friend_? I think you just put us in a senior citizen category."

"You were the one talking nuptials…"

"Oh for crying out loud, I'm going to hang up now."

"Suit yourself." Alice was grinning like a fool, but there was no one there to see it and she was sort of happy about that.  
She derived just as much enjoyment out of unnerving these two as she had once only known when encouraging them. She was still of a mind to be supportive and helpful when need be, but it was obvious that they were finally in a place where a little humor couldn't hurt. Still, Jasper would want to fuss at her for making him out to be such a bad guy when he'd had his moment to tease, were he there to witness this.

"I'll send you a postcard next month, Smartass."

"She's going to be impossible to live with when we do get back." Edward warned as Bella disconnected the call.

"I have a backup plan if she kicks me out or becomes too big of a pain."

"Really?" he playfully smirked as she got to her knees and began crawling in his direction.

"Unless you've changed your mind…" her teeth raked lightly over the stubble on his neck as he laid his head back allowing her the space to explore whatever part of him she liked.

He wanted to say something but the pleasurable groan she'd pulled from him cut off any form of coherent communication. She got the point though and rewarded him with a tantalizing kiss.

This entire trip had been one wonderful experience after another. For Edward, it didn't matter whether he and Bella were walking hand in hand through the woods, sorting and packing up his possessions, or discovering some new level of passion; every moment they'd spent here together had become one that he would always recall with great fondness. He understood that the location and structure of a home were features that could make an individual feel comfortable, but it was the memories and experiences that one might have in a particular place that truly made a house something to cherish. As a result he knew that leaving this place behind when the time came wouldn't be so hard as long as the memories would stay with him.  
But for now, thanks to a little help from the weather he was happy to sit back and add to the collection of memories this place had already been able to bless them with.

That is until Bella's phone decided to interrupt.

"Leave it," he pleaded, believing it was Alice calling to harass them a bit more, now that she'd had time to think up a few more witty comments.

He could feel Bella's hesitation though he didn't understand it at first.

"It's Jasper's ringtone." She finally managed between kisses. "He never calls me unless it's important." She sighed now, pulling away to check the screen.

Sure enough it was Jasper and Bella apologetically chose to answer the call. She had no idea what to expect, since she'd been being completely honest. The large majority of she and Jasper's communication when they weren't physically in the same place came via Alice; the rare phone call being for emergency purposes in most cases. This however was unprecedented as Jasper had greeted her with the usual, "Hey Darlin'," before immediately asking if Edward was available.

"Is everything okay?" she had to wonder, detecting a bit of an edge to Jasper's ordinarily mellow tone.

"I'm not sure I expected you to answer," he chuckled a bit—an awkward sound she wasn't use to hearing from him. "Alice was bitching last night about how y'all had turned your phones off."

"I was just talking to her actually and forgot to kill it again. It's the only reason you got through to be honest."

"I'm umm…I guess I'd like to talk to you and Edward, if maybe you could put me on speaker for a minute?"  
He'd gone over his options multiple times. He didn't want to make Alice's brother uncomfortable and calling Edward directly would certainly do that. He also knew that Bella and Edward's plans, whatever they consisted of, shouldn't be interrupted by the likes of him if at all possible. He felt like this was important however and he hoped that Edward would appreciate his consideration.

Bella was still a little confused over what sounded like nervousness coming from Jasper, but she agreed telling him to hold on for a second.

"Umm…Jasper wants to talk to both of us, so I'm going to put him on speaker." She told Edward as she punched a series of buttons to make it happen.

"Okay, we're both here and listening." Bella announced a moment later.

"Uhh…okay."  
Edward could hear him take a deep breath and glanced at Bella's expression which was one of nervous confusion. He didn't know his sister's boyfriend the way that Bella did, but he knew what anxiety sounded like and he worried about what could have a man as calm and collected as Jasper acting this way.

Had they been able to see him just then, their worries would have likely been magnified as he'd begun to pace the narrow space between the foot of his hotel bed and the decrepit old chest holding his outdated television.  
He was on a tight budget when he travelled anyway and with the purchase of Alice's engagement ring he'd reigned in his finances even more; so the fact that there was a worn path in the carpet where he walked already amused him, as there wasn't anywhere else he could really wander.

"Did Alice mention that I'll be in Portland through the weekend now?"

"She did." Bella answered taking hold of Edward's hand as they sat side by side staring at her phone.

"When I get home I was…well I've been thinking and planning for a while, I mean I talked to Carlisle the other night even and he was really cool about everything…but the more I've thought about this the more I realized that he's not the only person I should ask…"

"Jasper." Bella calmly got his attention. She gave Edward's hand a little squeeze and he recognized that she was using the same tone of voice she often employed to bring him back from his little moments of panic. "Honey, you've got to take a breath every now and then."

He did just that—rather audibly in fact.

"Edward, I would like to ask your sister to marry me. And I need to know if you're okay with that."

There was a pause as Edward had been thoroughly blindsided. He wasn't as surprised by Jasper's intentions as he was by the fact that he would deem his permission necessary.  
Since he'd come back to Port Angeles and reconnected with his family Edward had begun to consider himself a horrible brother. For all of the love and support Alice had always offered him, he'd taken what she was willing to give and offered so little in return. He was absent for so much of her life, staying in touch by nothing more than the occasional phone call or email, and when pressed he would deny her even that. But Alice, he'd always been able to count on her—for everything. She'd never asked unnecessary questions and she didn't treat him like he was someone with a problem. She excused his absences and his lack of communication. Her loyalty was infallible. And though the decision to come home and visit her was entirely his, he would always credit his devious little sister with providing that little extra push he'd needed in order to pursue the love of his life.  
She meant so much to him, but to think that his opinion should matter…it didn't make sense to him.

"I…" he could feel tears welling up behind his eyes and he choked on the words that he couldn't even begin to say.

Bella was silent allowing him the chance to respond, saying nothing but placing her arm around his trembling shoulders.

It felt like seconds were beginning to stretch into minutes and those minutes were threatening to become hours from Jasper's side of the phone, but Edward eventually managed to speak.

"You make her happy. That's all I could ever ask for. She deserves to be happy."

"And it's about damn time." Bella added. The emotion in her voice was genuine and unapologetic. Jasper already knew how she felt.

"I plan to ask her when I get back next week. I just…I know how important you both are to her and I feel better knowing that you're okay with this. I want to make her happy every way that I know how."

"I love you, Jasper, but that's far too much information." Bella snickered and sniffled at the same time.

"Love you too, Darlin'." Jasper sighed, "And Edward…thanks, Brother."

"Are you happy, love?"

Edward couldn't speak. He appreciated the fact that she would ask if he was happy rather than okay. But of course she knew him better than anyone at this point, and he also knew that she understood the significance of this moment because it had affected her just as deeply.

He'd just found out that his little sister would be getting married, and her boyfriend had thought highly enough of him to ask his permission, though he'd already spoken to their father and secured his blessing. It was so overwhelming on so many levels that Edward had no hope of controlling this response, making him appreciate Bella's presence even more.

He _was_ happy. Happy that Alice's life was on track to be exactly what she'd always dreamed of; and happy that he had finally found the courage to truly be a part of it.  
He loved his family dearly, and few people had ever been as important to him as his sister, though he'd never known how to show her. For Jasper to recognize that and to honor him with such respect and acceptance was something he'd never counted on, which made it him happier still. It was proof that his sister's, soon to be fiancé, was indeed a stand- up guy, and someone worthy of Alice's love.

He'd learned so much about himself over the days and weeks since he'd met Bella, but it still surprised him, the depth of love his heart was capable of. For so long he'd closed himself off from the rest of the world and fought to ignore his feelings—his need for acceptance and companionship. Now that he'd opened himself up to all that he'd hidden from for so long, he was ill equipped to handle the subsequent onslaught of emotion that came from being granted what he'd always subconsciously hoped for.

"Ally's getting married." He chuckled.  
His voice was light, but the tears he still fought to control tried to stifle his comment.

Bella's embrace meant the world to him in that moment. It was the kind of hug he'd never been on the receiving end of until recently. It was full of understanding and support—the kind of hug that made you feel like all was right with the world, because there was someone else who was on your side.

"She really is going to be impossible to live with for the next few…hell, the next _forever_ most likely," Bella had laughed through her own set of tears.

It was so unusual to hear any sort of uncertainty or trepidation coming from Jasper so she'd braced herself for just about anything, but after he'd finally started using some words she'd been reasonably certain that he was hinting at a marriage proposal.  
She could tell that Edward had been sufficiently shocked by Jasper's inclusion, but that was Jasper for you. He was every bit the gentleman and he'd gotten a lion's share of southern charm. Whether it was an inherited trait or an engrained one was still up for debate but Bella knew first hand that a wink and a grin from the likes of Jasper Whitlock could make a girl's heart do cartwheels—but he'd only ever had eyes for Alice. It truly was about damn time.

"I have a feeling Alice had better enjoy these next few days by herself, because once Jasper gets her to say _I do_, I doubt he'll be willing to let her out of his sight for a while." Bella mused.

"Can't say that I blame him," Edward admitted as he finally released Bella from their hug. He carefully traced the outline of her smile and let the corner of his mouth twitch into her favorite grin, tears still slowly trailing down his face. "I know that whenever I get married I'll be looking forward to a nice long honeymoon—someplace warm and tropical."

"Is that so?" Bella smirked.

Edward nodded very seriously despite the presence of his grin.

"Would you settle for someplace cold and rainy for now?"


	54. Chapter 54

A/N: There's a long explanation as to why this is so long overdue, but it's hardly worth saying. If you're still in the mood to read about these two after all this time, I truly hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 54

Edward was hearing bits and pieces of a conversation but his current state of semi-consciousness wasn't allowing him to make much sense of the few words he could decipher. He was pretty sure that one of the voices belonged to his mother however; and though he didn't really recognize the other, thanks to their hushed tone, he had to logically assume that it belonged to his sister. The 'hushed' tone was enough to explain his confusion, thanks to Alice's usual inability to manage such an undertaking, which made him wonder if he was still dreaming. He had been, but now he wasn't entirely certain.

Taking a quick inventory he could tell that he was relaxed and warm and that there was a comforting weight pressed against his body. He shifted a little and burrowed further into the warmth, which he now realized was coming from Bella. She was there with him, as they must have fallen asleep together, her heavenly scent having given away her identity. He smiled at the discovery and turned slightly to nuzzle the top of her head, his arms becoming more secure about her as she lay partly atop him sharing the narrow space of the sofa. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her—appreciated her, but all he could managed were a few unintelligible mumbles and a long sigh of contentment.  
She stirred ever so slightly, rewarding him for his efforts when her hand which had been resting upon his chest began to caress him in a soothing manner before she stilled. Happily he began to fall into a deeper sleep once more, but there was still this niggling little concern in the back of his mind. What was his mother doing here?

He couldn't hear the conversation any longer, so perhaps it had been nothing more than a dream. His eyes were heavy and his head was aching with fatigue, so rather than dwell on the mystery he decided to let his thoughts settle. He had no idea how long they'd been sleeping or what time it currently was, but he knew that his body was in need of a lot more rest.

"They're so freaking sweet it makes my teeth hurt." Alice told her mother as she guided them away from the snoozing couple and into the kitchen.

The reason why Edward's mother was here was quite simple—this was her house.

It wasn't exactly the plan to make this their first stop upon returning; and certainly they'd never considered spending the night, but as they'd gotten close to town a decision had to be made anyway. It was late afternoon by then and they'd been travelling nonstop for the better part of twelve hours. With no desire to prolong their trip by another day if there was an alternative, Esme's call to check in and offer dinner, if they thought they'd be close enough before it got too late, was a welcomed one and they were all for stopping by.

Originally they'd considered going straight to Edward's new place, but as excited as they were to familiarize themselves with the space and begin the process of getting Edward settled they knew that there was very little they could accomplish until they'd gotten some rest. Three days of travelling and very little sleep had really taken it out of them, and so here they were, and Edward's mother couldn't have been happier.

In fact, Esme had smiled at Alice's statement while passing her daughter a cup of coffee but invariably she'd found herself at a loss for words.  
Though it had only been just over a week that they'd been away, Edward's absence was hard for Esme to accept amidst the excitement of having him home again. And of course it was still so overwhelming at times, seeing her son so happy and in love—thriving instead of just existing for a change. Witnessing such an adorable display of affection just now had nearly taken her breath away. And the day before, with how Edward had shown such genuine tenderness and concern towards Bella, with no thought of embarrassment or discomfort—it was incredibly heartwarming, not to mention, encouraging.

"They've been that way all night?"

"I left them around midnight and it looks like they've hardly budged an inch."

When she'd left them it was because Bella had finally joined her brother's already sleeping form on the sofa, snuggling into his body so easily and without hesitation, as if it were the most natural and desirable thing she'd ever done.

It was quite obvious that they were both exhausted from the long day of travel it had taken them to get home, but more so it was easy to see that this trip had been just what they'd both needed. All of the remaining awkwardness and uncertainty was gone and in its place something wonderful had emerged.

"I wonder how willing Edward will be to have Bella help with the moving today?" his mother contemplated then.

She'd noticed some obvious changes that had taken place since they had been away, but she still remembered the night before they'd gone off to Colorado together, and the emotional reaction her son had had to Bella's unfortunate injury. Seeing how he'd been last night—calm, supportive, and playful even—as his father had experienced some difficulty removing the stitches in Bella's leg, thanks to their overdue return, she was curious to know what else had improved during their time away.

"Somehow I don't think Bella's going to let him get away with being ridiculously overprotective all the time, if that's what you mean. She's just as stubborn as he is, so if it does become an issue at least it should be entertaining to watch."

"Alice." Esme admonished lightly with an understanding snicker.

She knew exactly what her daughter was talking about though. Even with the easy report they'd always managed to have with one another there had always been something there holding them back; but not anymore. They seemed to laugh and joke more freely now, instead of focusing on and safeguarding against a potentially negative outcome all the time. It was as if they had finally moved beyond the intensity and newness of their relationship to a comfortable middle ground.  
But honestly, she was convinced that there was more to it than that.

It was surprising, how easily her son had greeted her with a warm smile and an equally inviting hug, never hesitating to embrace her and share how nice it was to be home again, but it was immensely satisfying to see the way that he'd congratulated Jasper and Alice upon hearing of their engagement.

Alice had worried unnecessarily about announcing the news and she'd insisted that no one tell Edward or Bella until they'd returned so that she and Jasper might tell them together, and in person. As Jasper had suspected Alice was over the moon about the idea of being engaged and ultimately getting married, but she had concerns when it came to Bella, and how her brother might take the idea of his little sister becoming someone's wife. He refused to tell her that he'd called and talked to them a few days before coming home, and like Esme he was glad that Alice hadn't known what sort of reaction to expect from her closest friends. I made it all the more wonderful to witness.

Edward had picked his little sister up, spinning her around in celebration, while giggling happily at her squeals of delight. When he'd set her down he held her close and sincerely expressed how happy he was for them both. And if that wasn't enough, seeing that Edward hadn't bothered with some sort of shy nod or a brief handshake in order to acknowledge Jasper, instead moving past Bella, who had been laughing with him while the siblings had shared their moment, to wrap his would-be brother-in-law in a hug; it was almost too much to take.

It was very apparent that the couple was tired from their journey home and whatever activities had kept them busy while away. Edward's clothes were mismatched and wrinkled, but so were Bella's and it looked as though he hadn't shaved in at least four days—which was probably more like two and a half.  
In fact, had Esme thought to mention it he might have informed his mother that she should be thankful that Bella had been the one to suggest shaving earlier in the week, as she'd been eager to once again help him with the task; otherwise he would have been sporting a rather impressive beard by now. But that was beside the point.  
Even with his roughened appearance, the dark circles marking a lack of sleep under both their eyes, and Bella's somewhat lethargic attention span, the family as a whole had been impressed by the easy banter that had flowed around the dinner table that night and the way those two had so effortlessly placed themselves at the center of it all.

They both told stories of their time away, and asked questions about what sort of plans Jasper and Alice had been able to decide on, in the two days since becoming betrothed.  
Esme couldn't ever recall having seen Edward so relaxed and at ease, or more to the point, so _chatty_. He laughed about not getting to drive his old Range Rover for most of the trip because Bella had taken such a liking to it that he'd been permanently delegated to drive her truck back instead, while she spent time getting to know that horrible beast of a vehicle. And when Bella spoke of how wonderful it had been seeing all that Edward had only been able to describe and getting to enjoy the peace of such places, Esme was delighted to see that her son was appropriately pleased. He'd blushed a bit when Bella spoke of his cooking ability, an oddly meaningful glance passing between the pair, which must have signified something, but otherwise he was a picture of happiness.

She, like the rest of her family, had no way of knowing though what was really behind this transformation.

The simple truth was that everything Edward and Bella had sought to accomplish during their trip had been done. They'd talked and laughed and loved and learned more over the past few days than either of them had anticipated being possible, and now they were motivated more than ever to continue on this journey towards what had become their interwoven future.

With that in mind, Edward had spent a few quiet moments alone on the morning they were set to leave, just thinking. As his thoughts had shuffled their way through the pleasant images and ideas their time away had given him he stood there next to Bella's truck and the Range Rover, which were both backed up to the front of the cabin with much of what would be going with them later that afternoon already loaded inside. He'd left Bella sleeping soundly in bed a few hours before, hoping she might enjoy the extra rest before having to take the long trip back, this time in separate vehicles, since there hadn't been much left to do, thanks to an extended break in the rain and the previous day having been so productive; but waking so early had allowed him a bit of time to relax and say goodbye to such a special place, something he knew he'd have to do.

He'd made one last pot of coffee in his little kitchen and sat for one last time in the chair out front enjoying the morning air and the quiet stillness he'd always loved. He'd walked the worn path leading deep into the forest that he knew so well and he'd stood taking it all in one more time.

He realized immediately in his restlessness that morning that he was both nervous and excited. But most importantly, he was ready. It wasn't the same type of nervousness he felt around people or in situations he was unfamiliar with, and it wasn't the type of excitement waiting for their arrival here had produced. Instead he was feeling an odd combination of both sensations, plus a little something extra. That little something extra was what mattered most, and it had amounted to confidence. His confidence took the edge off of his nerves and encouraged his excitement, affectively balancing his emotions.

Of course it had helped to know that they would be back again someday to visit, but for now the life he had built for himself, out of what use to be some sort of perceived necessity was set to change; and he wanted that change.

Bella had become the most important person in his life and she had given him the strength to reach for more. Because of her he had taken the time to reconnect with his family.  
He'd come to admire and appreciate his father on a whole new level, and he'd finally recognized the depth of his mother's love and approval. And Alice; they'd always been close, but now he could see how pure her intentions had always been. She'd given him hell for giving in to his problems—in essence giving up on any shot he might have had at living the sort of life most people would seek for themselves—but now he understood. There was more to it than meeting new people, and learning the art of communication. She was never looking to change his core personality; instead she just wanted him to remain open to the possibilities life had to offer. And as it turned out, what he'd fought against for so long was exactly what he'd needed to help him overcome his most troublesome issues. He needed people, and the support they could provide—the knowledge that someone else _believed_ in him.  
He'd needed Bella to help him see that, and now he was prepared to accept the love his family had always been willing to offer; but even more so, he was ready to show them the same in return.

Edward would always remember the moment that he'd decided to finally take that leap. He had closed his eyes and sighed while thinking of the memories he'd gained over the past several weeks of getting to know Bella and falling in love; he knew that those memories would stay with him forever—the past few days especially.

By bringing Bella with him and allowing her to experience the type of lifestyle he'd chosen for himself his world had become an open book. There were no secrets left to uncover and no mysteries remained. He had nothing to hide, and seeing her easy acceptance of his preferred surroundings had confirmed the true nature of her heart.

He'd always known that she would find the cabin, if nothing else, interesting, but he hadn't counted on her falling in love with it so completely. It was actually her idea to leave so much behind, thereby making their inevitable returns as convenient and easy as possible. She made a good argument for leaving most of the kitchen intact, and the furniture had never been on his list of items to carry back with them; this meant that other than his clothes, the hardware necessary for his business, and the few personal items he'd chosen to collect over the years everything would basically remain as it was.

That realization made him happy but more so he could finally see how necessary every moment they'd shared to this point had truly been—this time spent together, alone and free to be with one another in every way imaginable notwithstanding. She was indeed his perfect match, and he could no longer see himself existing without her.

And so with that decided, Edward had finally gone inside to wake Bella.  
Kneeling beside the bed he'd taken time to watch her as she continued to sleep. He still couldn't get over how beautiful she was or how lucky he felt to have her love him the way she did. He felt like there would always be moments where he felt terribly undeserving of her, and yet he knew that all she'd have to do was smile at him and he would forget himself and such foolish ways of thinking.

"Edward." She'd whispered softly, which didn't really surprise him, but it had affectively interrupted his thoughts.

The sound of her saying his name still made his heart flutter and his smile brighten. He thought to reach out and gently rouse her so that he might see those pretty eyes look up at him, but she'd kept on sleeping and talking so he'd kept on smiling.

"Alice and…I know…hmm…but Charlie said…"

He waited patiently through her disjointed mumbling, though there was very little hope of understanding what she meant by any of it.

"Yes…but…"

He felt as though he could happily stay there, watching and listening forever, but whatever Bella was dreaming about seemed like it was beginning to frustrate her. To save her the stress he'd chosen to kiss her forehead then and greet her with his customary, "Good morning, Baby."

She was never easily awakened when she was sleeping so deeply, but he got lucky that morning. Her eyes only took a second to focus and her smile followed just as quickly.

"You let me sleep in." She accused a second later, having taken in his fully dressed state and the scent of fresh mountain air clinging to his skin.

"Sue me." He'd grinned, while handing over the coffee he had at the ready as a peace offering.

"So, what were you dreaming about?" he wondered next, as he carefully crawled over and lay beside her on top of the covers, propping his head up with his hand.

She'd overlooked his playful retort and had chosen to take a sip of her coffee by then so he felt as though he'd been forgiven for not waking her earlier. Her expression after hearing his question was one of confusion though.

"I don't remember dreaming anything."

"You sure?" he teased, "Charlie and Alice were there apparently."

At that he knew she'd remembered something, because all of the color had suddenly drained from her face. Before saying anything she'd set her mug aside and folded her hands in a manner that he knew indicated she was either nervous or unsure of something.

"I was talking, wasn't I?"

"Yep."  
He tried to make it seem like no big deal. They both knew she was prone to talking in her sleep and he'd promised her many times that it was cute and that thus far she'd never said anything embarrassing or inappropriate. Her look however, said that this was definitely a big deal, at least in her mind.

"If you don't want to talk about it it's okay." He'd calmly assured her then.  
Whatever she'd recalled about the dream, or whatever was forcing her unconscious words had obviously unnerved her, so he was prepared to let it go if it would be easier.

"Edward, we were getting married."

His brow lifted at that, and Bella cringed at the bluntness of her delivery. To her ears she'd made it sound like a bad thing, but in her mind she'd definitely decided that it wasn't. She was busy scrambling for a way to clarify what she was saying and to make her words somehow sound better, but she hadn't need to. A brief moment had elapsed and in that time Edward had started to chuckle.

"Don't you think it would be best to wait until I've had a chance to propose to you properly? I know we've been planning the honeymoon already but really,"

Tongue tied and realizing that perhaps she wasn't as awake as she seemed; knowing that she was never really alert first thing in the morning, Bella hesitated to respond which only allowed Edward even more time to speculate.

"I figured I'd get a ring first and you know, talk to your dad too. It's a lot to plan if you were hoping for something special, so I'd need some time…"

'Edward!"

"Huh?" He seemed to snap out of some sort of bubble he'd managed to drift into suddenly.

"What are you going on about?"

"Marrying you." He smirked in such a way to let her know he was _mostly_ teasing. "Or I guess asking you to marry me?"

Bella grabbed the pillow from behind her head and proceeded to cover her face with it.

After Jasper's call the other night, Bella had expected Edward to broach the subject of their relationship's future, but thus far he'd stayed away from the topic. She couldn't decide whether or not she was glad about that or disappointed in some way. But at the moment she'd been more frustrated by the idea that she would be to one to trigger this conversation by vocalizing her subconscious thoughts on the matter.

Edward could barely make out a few muffled syllables of what she had started rambling on about with the pillow covering her mouth so he'd given up in favor of finding a solution.

"That's better." He claimed after he'd tunneled his way up under the pillow as well and lifted his head above hers so that he could see her, the pillow now behind him.  
"You were saying?"

His smile hadn't faded in the least as Bella scowled at his playful relentlessness.

"Fine. I was saying that we can't talk about this yet. First off, I'd rather some sort of proposal be a surprise; and second, we have to wait now until Jasper asks Alice, otherwise he'll think we're just barging in on their moment. And if you ask me now and we come home engaged my father will happily kill you…possibly both of us, since it'll be pretty freaking obvious that we've been dallying here all this time…_celebrating_."

Watching her struggle for an appropriate word was amusing enough, hearing the one she'd decided upon was too much. Edward had started to chuckle again.  
He'd never realized how gorgeous a woman could be when she was all riled up and being so animated. He'd gotten a little taste of it the other night when he'd made the mistake of asking her if she'd like to postpone their trip, but this was even better. The color of her skin and the way her pulse was racing beneath his chest made him think of sex—and happily he had firsthand knowledge that he wasn't very far off base.  
But to think this was all because he'd hinted at wanting to marry her. Thank goodness he'd just recently—like ten minutes before coming inside to wake her—decided that that was exactly what he planned to do—one of these days; and in order to do that he'd decided that he was going to have to man-up.

"What is so funny about all of this?"

"I apologize," he said sincerely, "for laughing, but you're absolutely beautiful right now. You know that?" He kissed her then, slowly and tenderly.

"I won't go against your wishes." He promised her in a soothing voice, "And I wouldn't dream of hurting Alice or disrespecting your father. But the truth is I love you, and I will always love you, Bella. I plan to be with you forever, so we've got plenty of time to ease into this, but you should know that I will ask you someday."

Bella's stomach bumped into her heart as it attempted to take a quick stroll around her lungs, which incidentally had ceased to function. She knew what it was like to feel faint, but she never would have thought the sensation could be brought on by such elation.  
What he'd just said to her made her pulse soar, but it was another realization that had truly touched her.

She'd survived their first kiss, the first touches they'd shared, and even making love to him for the first time. It had taken time but she'd come to accept what she wanted, and that Edward could give that to her. Hearing him confess his intentions had validated every little thing they'd been through, and the honesty in his eyes had confirmed his sincerity. She knew that they would get here, but she'd been unprepared for how thoroughly healed Edward had finally become. His words were both gentle and confident; his determination was strong yet endearing; and the way he looked at her was as always full of longing and acceptance.  
It was clear that he'd successfully managed to become the man he wanted to be, but happily he'd remained every bit the boy she'd fallen in love with.

Leaving the cabin that afternoon had been harder for Bella than she would have thought. Edward seemed to be at peace with his decisions—all of them, and she was happy to know that he was excited to see what came next for the two of them. The problem was that she knew had he remained there on his knees after waking her and actually proposed she would have said yes. There would have been no hesitation and no regrets. But for all of his sincerity, was _he_ really ready for all that would involve? She worried that they might need a little more time and an opportunity to talk and she knew that the cabin would be an ideal location to seek both.  
It hadn't been necessary though, as her answers would come sooner and more clearly than she'd thought possible.

They'd travelled until dark, at which time Edward had called her to say he was going to move ahead and point out a spot where they could stay the night. After several moments spent saying hello, after the time they'd been separated by two different vehicles and several yards of highway, they'd set up camp and Edward had proceeded to start something for their dinner.

It had been Bella's idea to camp instead of finding a hotel for the night. She'd been looking forward to enjoying such an experience again, and thus far it was one of the only things their trip had been lacking, so Edward was happy to fulfill this request. But little did either of them know that this would be the start of a very long journey home.

"Your dad asked me to go fishing with him."

Bella had been reorganizing some of what they'd had to shuffle around in order to unload the camping gear. When she stopped to pay attention she was surprised to hear that Edward was now planning to take him up on the offer. And even more so to see that he was lying down on the blanket he'd spread out near the campfire, staring up at the stars, as relaxed in his posture as she'd ever seen him.

"I was thinking earlier in the day." And he truly had been. Not only while he was taking one last look around before they'd left the cabin, but during the long silences that had come in between phone calls to Bella as they'd travelled this afternoon.  
There was a time when he'd thought about all he wanted to do and experience and how difficult it would be to actually try those things. He had wanted to believe that he was ready back then, but he realized now that he hadn't been.

"Every time I've done something here recently that I was sure I couldn't do, after the fact I would realize that it was way easier than I imagined it could be. So it's time that I get over that particular fear, and just do what I feel like."

"So you're going to start off by going fishing with my father?" She'd raised an eyebrow.

"Actually I thought I'd go shopping with Ally first; there's lots left to buy for the new place after all. And we should take Mom and Dad out for dinner one night—some place nice. Maybe Charlie would even like to come?"

"Slow down for a second." Bella giggled at how eager Edward had looked just then. "What made you decide all of this?"

She'd seen Edward think out loud before and she'd always marveled at the rate his mind seemed to process information, and how excitedly he would respond to various things that he'd come up with on the fly, but she'd never seen him so determined to do that which was so far away from his normal personality. Previously when he'd speak of change and trying to overcome his fears, there was uncertainty and disappointment hidden beneath his desire. Something was obviously different now, and it reminded her of those earlier concerns she'd had before leaving his former home behind.

"It's time to practice." He firmly decided. "There's too much going on already that I can't really control, but that's not going to stop me from being a part of it. My family deserves it. _You_ deserve it." He'd emphasized his words by standing up and closing the short distance that existed between them. "Bella," he took her hands and spoke in a voice that made her entire body prickle with pleasure, "you've taught me so much. I couldn't see it before, but _I _deserve it too—_we_ deserve it."

They'd been stuck eating peanut butter sandwiches again, since the steaks Edward had set over the fire remained there for the next three hours while he'd sought to convince Bella that he was going to pursue all of his greatest desires from now on, no matter what that might entail—his shyness no longer capable of hindering his progress. Starting first and foremost with making love to his beautiful girl, right there under the stars in some no name place a few miles south of the Idaho border, nothing but a dense thicket of trees and the night available to protect them from another traveler's view.

The trip home was a much longer one thanks to that first night. They'd stayed up talking and laughing and loving one another until they'd drifted off under the rising sun. A few hours later they'd reluctantly packed up and moved on, but they'd been too unwilling to be without some form of contact from that point on, stopping often to kiss and cuddle along the way, and insisting on an early night to make up for the lack of sleep from the one prior. But every time they'd find themselves in each other's arms their passion would override the need for rest. There was too much to say and too strong an urge to ignore. Edward's confidence had become contagious and with each passing day Bella could see herself growing in her adventurous spirit, while he'd been true to his word. There was never any hesitation on his part to suggest eating at a roadside diner, or stopping by some landmark advertised along the highway. He was really starting to experience life and Bella was overjoyed to be along for the ride.  
By the time they were on the last leg of their journey she was exhausted, but so proud.

And sitting in Esme's living room last night, quietly chatting with Alice about Jasper's thoughtful proposal, while Edward succumbed to his own fatigue on the sofa behind her, she knew that this was only the beginning.

Charlie would be by today to help she and Edward and the rest of his family move what they'd brought back with them into the new place. It was by Edward's own invitation that Charlie even knew of the moving day plans or the fact that Bella had been out of town for the past week helping Edward sort out his affairs; and Bella for one, couldn't wait to see her father and Edward interacting again.

But perhaps that was before Jasper was able to announce that, "Chief Swan just pulled up as I was coming inside and Edward and Bella are busy making out on the couch," as he made his way into the kitchen to find Alice and see if Esme was in the mood to cook him some breakfast this morning.

"What?" Everyone present wondered in unison.

Jasper took Alice's hand and kissed the finger holding his ring, as he took a moment to concentrate on her rather than the potential situation in the works he'd just described.  
He'd gone back to his place last night after dinner, allowing Alice time to reconnect with Bella and Edward, but also to square away some work so that he could be available to help today. Edward was quickly becoming one of his favorite people and he'd never leave the poor guy hanging out to dry like that; so with a devilish grin he went on to say that he'd already announced the Chief's arrival to the couple in question and had suggested they part faces for a few minutes.

His playful wording earned him a smack across the chest from Alice and smile from Esme, so overall he was quite pleased with the outcome—as was Charlie when he'd been greeted by Edward at the door a few minutes later.

"Morning, Mom." Edward's sleepy smile had greeted her shortly thereafter, when he escorted Bella's father into the kitchen, looking for all the world like this was a normal occurrence.  
"Is there coffee yet?"

Alice had attacked Charlie by then, hugging him fiercely and prattling on about she and Jasper's engagement. Bella's father graciously humored Alice's enthusiasm and spent a moment congratulating Jasper with a very sarcastic, "Good luck with that."

Happily though, it gave Esme a moment with her son and she was pleased to note that his calm and relaxed demeanor had yet to fade.

"Did you sleep well, Darling?" she inquired having seen him stifle a yawn as he divided the remaining coffee into three cups.

His smile was in a word, wistful when he'd looked up to see Bella trudging into the kitchen to join everyone.

"I always do when she's with me."


	55. Chapter 55

A/N: I've always loved the kind of love a great dad has for a daughter. And there's no denying that I love the awesome dads in this story )

Chapter 55

Charlie had always felt a little out of place, and yet strangely like he belonged, whenever he was with the Cullen's.  
They were a welcoming bunch; so much so that he never had time to feel the usual amount of awkwardness he might encounter in a social setting. These were genuine people—the type of family he was happy to have his daughter be around, and the type of family he'd wished for himself, once upon a time.

Sitting in Esme's kitchen this morning had been as easy as if were his own, and yet he'd never seen so much activity and conversation take place around a breakfast table. He would never deny that curiosity had compelled him to come here and be a part of this today, but he was quickly learning to just enjoy it for what it was—an opportunity to share in the type of life his little girl seemed destined to become a part of.

"So the furniture delivery is scheduled to arrive between nine and eleven." Esme informed the table as everyone was preparing to eat the vast array of offerings laid out before them.  
There were bagels, muffins and toast, a heaping platter of sausage and scrambled eggs, a bowl full of cut fruit; and if that wasn't enough, there were at least four boxes of cereal set to the side, just in case.

"At least that'll be a few things _we_ won't have to lug inside. Will the delivery guys take care of the assembly as well?" Jasper chimed in around a mouthful of toast while passing the plate of eggs over to Carlisle.

"That reminds me, I've still got the bedding and towels I picked up last week in my car, and I took the liberty of getting some bathroom accessories too," Alice volunteered before anyone was able to answer her fiancés question, "you know, just functional stuff Edward can use till he decides how he'd really like to decorate."

Charlie recognized that there was an oddly apologetic tone to her voice that went with a look she was sharing with Bella as she spoke. Bella just smiled at the acknowledgment and kept on buttering a muffin without a word. He didn't have too much time to think on what sort of meaning that glance had held or why Alice was feeling guilty for helping out, since between bites of food and a sip of coffee Carlisle also added that, "The technician from the security company is coming out sometime this morning too, so that should work out well. You know Kevin Johnson, don't you Charlie? He's from Forks originally."

He chuckled a bit as his daughter reached over and added some fruit to his plate with a little grin before turning to address Esme, who was saying something about waiting for Edward and Bella's return before ordering anything other than the basic necessities—a bedroom set, that apparently Bella had approved, and a sofa that Edward had liked the look of. He didn't want to consider everything that this information seemed to be adding up to, so instead of dwelling on all of these side-conversations Charlie turned back to Carlisle, ready to respond to his earlier question.

Indeed he knew Kevin well. They had gone to school together and still saw one another around town occasionally. In fact, Kevin had installed Charlie's own home security system shortly after the ordeal that Bella had gone through.  
It had never occurred to him before then that the town's own chief of police would have to worry about someone being dumb enough to target his home or family, but with Bella's safety and peace of mind to consider he'd been all for taking a few extra precautions. And though it hadn't occurred to him before, he was certainly pleased to learn that Edward was of a mind to do the same.

Having been given a subject to discuss that was of interest, Charlie was easily caught up in conversation by the time Edward had returned from his morning shower, but that didn't keep him from observing the way Bella had followed the boy's every move from the moment he'd reappeared.

He wasn't sure why it intrigued him so, but seeing Edward and Bella together again had somehow reassured him that he wasn't crazy after all. The chemistry between the two of them had been obvious right from the start, but Charlie had tried to rationalize his observations by remembering that their relationship was still so new, and that neither one of them had ever experienced anything like what they were now a part of. He had his concerns about Bella dating, but if he'd had to choose someone for her, Edward certainly seemed to embody the traits he would have looked for. It bothered him a bit to know that his fatherly instinct was so easily overthrown, but he'd never been one to ignore the obvious. And the fact that Edward saw Bella as the most precious thing he'd ever encountered was beyond obvious. Knowing his family had definitely helped to ease his anxiety, but seeing them together again had only served to validate his approval.

Bella had seemed perfectly content before, but her smile had managed to brighten significantly once Edward took his seat beside her. They whispered what Charlie had to assume was some sort of greeting, their heads bent together briefly, before Edward started serving himself and Bella resumed eating. The interaction was as mundane as it was intimate, and while sharing a quick glance with Esme, Charlie became aware that he wasn't the only one to notice or appreciate the simplicity of it all.

When Edward had met him at the door to his parents' house this morning, he'd looked sleepy and disheveled. It was only seven o'clock so Charlie was under the impression that he'd probably just awakened. His rumpled clothes and unshaven face certainly pointed in that direction; so it was a bit of a surprise to see him return looking only marginally better. He could tell that some of the others had noticed as well, but he was unsure as to why his mother had smiled or why Alice was rolling her eyes. More to the point, he wasn't sure why Bella was looking at him with such pride and admiration.  
Little did Charlie know that his daughter was seeing in Edward's appearance something remarkably meaningful.

Bella had always had a tremendous amount of respect and admiration for Edward. Despite his shyness and persistent anxiety he possessed an inner strength that few could match; and though many people might overlook such a trait in favor of focusing on his more prominent and socially limiting characteristics Bella knew that this inner strength, or what Alice might want to call stubbornness, was what really made him who he was.

She was never more aware of his strength than on a day like today. They'd been away from the rest of the world for so long, free to speak candidly and interact in any way the moment might warrant. But now they were back and surrounded by the watchful eyes of his family—and dare she recall, her father. The level of comfort she'd come to enjoy when it had been just the two of them had spoiled her, making it increasingly difficult to _behave_ appropriately in the presence of others. This realization made her appreciate just how difficult Edward's struggle to integrate himself within this new lifestyle truly was. If it was this hard for her to come back to the life she'd always known after such a short time away, than she could only imagine the type of mental trauma Edward had initially been made to suffer when faced with the idea of doing so after so many years of solitude.  
He seemed to be doing incredibly well now though, his latest push towards conquering his fears apparently still intact.

Not only had Edward awakened her with a kiss that made her thankful she'd been lying down at the time, but he'd proceeded to answer the door to his parents' house this morning without a moment of hesitation, greeting her father with a surprisingly confident smile.  
Additionally Bella had noticed the way he'd stood in kitchen, leaning against the counter with his coffee in one hand and his other arm wrapped loosely around his mother's waist as everyone else shared their morning hellos. It was as if he could sense how much she'd missed him and how much she needed to feel his presence again.  
It pleased Bella, to see that he was trying to make Esme's happiness such a priority, especially when she knew the kind of inadequacy he'd always felt in regard to such an undertaking. But that was hardly the extent of his morning's accomplishments.

Though she was feeling a little uncertain as to how they should now act around his family, Edward had managed to seamlessly censor his affections. No one would doubt that Bella was at the forefront of his attention, but his innocence was as undeniable as it was endearing.

As the others started assembling breakfast, Edward had given his mother a kiss on the cheek before reaching to take Bella's hand. He'd said nothing but shared a look that promised he'd be right back, while giving her fingers a little squeeze. He then went off to retrieve some of their things from her truck parked outside, and upon his return he'd offered to let Bella use the shower first, taking his turn after she'd been able to clean up and change.

Like her father, she'd been expecting a clean shaven, put together, version of Edward to rejoin them, since this was quickly turning into a family day. However, she was pleasantly surprised when he'd returned, seeing that he'd bothered with nothing more than his usual morning routine. His hair had been toweled dry and left to do as it pleased otherwise. His beard remained, looking especially soft and touchable, which only served to make Bella somewhat uncomfortable considering their company; but she appreciated his silent gesture nonetheless. And naturally, he wore an old pair of jeans and a faded t-shirt that made Alice roll her eyes in distaste.  
He'd obviously known what he was doing though, whether anyone else might have caught on to the bigger meaning behind his choice.

He was asserting himself for once.  
His sister might want him to dress a certain way, and his mother might prefer a more groomed appearance, but this was the real Edward, the way _he_ wanted to be. If he was going to be here long term, and if he was going to attempt this new lifestyle, then it was important for everyone else to understand that. Bella was always proud of everything he managed to accomplish, but seeing him take such a subtle stand on his own behalf was a particularly wonderful thing to witness; and so was the easy acceptance that came from those who cared for him.

"We should probably head on over and get started soon." Bella reminded everyone when she felt Edward's hand come to rest on her leg beneath the table.  
It appeared that everyone had finished eating by then, though they seemed content to linger around the table and chat. Despite his progress, Edward didn't have it in him to speak up in such a way, but Bella could tell that he was ready to get going already, and that his touch was his way of asking for a little help.

Bella had no idea the type of reward she would be granted for her assistance, but it came in the form of Esme's immediate agreement. And then again when she'd stood up from her seat at the table to Edward's left so that she might entice the others to get a move on. That was when Bella saw Edward's mother playfully ruffled his messy hair making it appear even more disheveled than before. The affectionate gesture made Edward chuckle, which in turn made Bella's heart sing.  
She glanced over at her father and saw that he was still happily in conversation with Carlisle, and she noticed that Jasper and Alice were also caught up in their own little world as they'd started the process of clearing away dishes. Honestly if this day could get any better she wasn't sure how she was going to handle it.

But inevitably she would.

"Come on, Alice. We should have already been back by now."

They'd been wandering around the store closest to Edward's new place for over half an hour now. She'd initially made an efficient circuit of the store and come up with all of the ingredients they'd need for supper tonight, along with several kitchen staples to supplement what they'd been able to bring with them from Edward's cabin. There were also a few items he'd specifically requested along with a few others Alice had deemed necessary, so Bella was now itching to checkout and head back to the house so they could get started on the kitchen finally.

"Oh relax. We left Edward and Jasper bonding over computers and architectural software, our dad's parked in front of Edward's ridiculous TV, and Mom was having the time of her life envisioning flowerbeds. No one's going to miss us if we're gone an extra ten minutes."

Bella knew that she was probably right but she was still eager to get home and be with Edward again. The trucks had been unloaded and the furniture delivered, but there was still quite a bit of unpacking to take care of; and though Edward was doing extremely well with everything today…

_Home?  
_  
She hadn't meant for the word to come to mind, but it had and it certainly felt right. In fact, with that very thought she suddenly found herself staring at the very opening she'd been looking for so that she might discuss the prospect of she and Edward's pending agreement to move in with one another. That is until Alice had actually beaten her to the punch.

"I forget. Which one of these do you usually prefer?"

Bella looked up to see that they had somehow made their way to the hygiene aisle and that Alice was holding up two different bottles of shampoo. Her confusion was short-lived as Alice read the labels aloud for her benefit, going on to say that it was probably wise to keep a few things over at Edward's in order to make her life easier in the future. As she was busy saying so, Bella noticed that not only had Alice picked out shampoo but there was also a new toothbrush, deodorant, mouthwash, and even a box of tampons already in the cart, all of which were Bella's preferred brands.

"I've practically taken over half of Jasper's closet, and we rarely stay over at his place. It's just so much easier to say I'll stay the night when I know that my stuff is already there though."

"You trying to get rid of me?" Bella chuckled a bit.  
Her nerves were obvious and Alice could see by the color staining her cheeks that she'd not so subtly hit on a topic that her dear friend had probably already considered.

"Not a chance in hell. But…things are changing Bella."

The kindness in her voice matched the hesitation in her words. This was a conversation they were going to have to have eventually and yet they'd never expected that the opportunity would present itself here, or now. With all that had happened over the past couple of days they hadn't really had any time to themselves, short of their brief chat last night after Edward had fallen asleep on the couch; and like Bella, Alice had been thinking a lot about the implications that came along with her engagement, and the fact that Edward was currently moving into his own place.

"It's a lot to think about, isn't it?"

"More than my little brain likes to deal with at once, that's for sure."

The two friends stood looking at one another, an overloaded shopping cart between them, and they had to smile. There was a lot about their friendship that Bella loved, Alice's uncanny ability to understand her and her needs being at the top of that list. But there was more. They'd always been able to talk and they'd rarely if ever had any significant difference of opinion. They were of drastically different personalities and yet they were of the same mind on many things, insuring the other's happiness always remained a priority.

"What am I going to tell Charlie?" Bella worried aloud; no longer fearing that Alice would have anything negative to say about her desired living arrangements.  
It made sense after all. If Alice and Jasper were getting married, she'd not be comfortable continuing to share a house with them after the fact. It was one thing for Jasper to stay over from time to time, and she'd always respected their privacy, but it would just be weird if she were still hanging around all of the time once they were wed.

Alice laughed at her friend's shift of concern. She knew that this was an odd situation for them to be in and that Bella would worry over her place in all of this. What she wanted to tell her wouldn't go over very well, since Alice already knew that Bella would always consider the feelings of others before her own, but it was time for everyone to accept that Bella had every right to want more out of life. And the first person that needed to understand that was Bella.

"Charlie is a policeman, and a trained investigator. His job is to read people and see the things that aren't being said."  
Alice watched as Bella fiddled with a package of cookies they'd chosen to go along with the ice cream they'd picked out for dessert, thanks to Edward's request. When she didn't look up, Alice went on to say, "He can totally see how you and Edward feel about each other, and so far I haven't noticed him freaking out over anything."

"You're right. But dating your brother and actually living with him are two different things."

"You're already living with him—technically. And if you're being honest what you really meant to say is that dating my brother, as in going to dinner and a movie or hanging out with friends versus sharing a house and a bed and having the ability to fornicate whenever you please, are two different things."

"Alice!" Bella tried to keep her voice down, but the volume of her protest was impressive nonetheless.

"What? You think I can't tell you two have been at each other like rabbits for the past week?"

It was pointless to deny it, and even if she'd felt the effort was warranted Alice's laughter was too prominent to try talking over anyway. So with a heavy sigh, Bella began pushing the cart towards the front of the store. She could tell that Alice was right behind her thanks to her continued giggles.

"You'll have to forgive me." She finally said once her giddiness had calmed a bit. "I just couldn't help remembering that little moment in the bedroom before we left. I know it's not fair to be so blunt, but whereas Edward's been pretty discreet, even though he can't keep his eyes or his hands off of you today, you look like you've got this invisible force field around you whenever he walks into a room, like you're about to pounce and then you suddenly realize you can't."

Bella didn't want to smile at her friend's analysis of her less than subtle desire to be with Edward, but with his sister's reminder she'd begun to think about that same moment as well, and as a result the smile had become uncontrollable.

She had been kneeling before the beautiful mahogany chest that had just been delivered along with the rest of the furniture that she had helped Edward approve for his mother to purchase during their absence. Alice was across the room, busy unpacking and sorting clothes, idly rambling on about colors and fabrics and how jealous she was of the space available in Edward's new closet. She'd been lost in thought and was only half listening to her friend fuss about the condition of her brother's limited selection of shoes, while she went about tucking his last pair of socks into the bottom drawer. It was then that she'd felt his familiar touch upon her shoulder.

The day had turned off to be a warm one, and with all of the activity Bella had removed her over-shirt in favor of the tank top she'd put on beneath it this morning. Even though the contact was unexpected she never flinched as his cool fingers moved along her skin, his thumb tenderly caressing the side of her neck.

This day had always been slated to be both exciting and potentially difficult in her mind, but she hadn't considered how much she would miss these little moments and the freedom to appreciate such an affectionate gesture. She'd done a wonderful job of keeping any surprise hidden, but when she'd seen Alice valiantly trying to mind her own business but grinning nonetheless from her position across the room, she knew that she'd not done as good a job of disguising the pleasure she'd felt.  
Beyond that however, she had no way of knowing what Alice had made of their brief interaction, because Edward had crouched down beside her and whispered that they were done with her truck if she wanted to go ahead to the store as they had discussed earlier in the day. Their proximity had suddenly become too tempting to avoid it, and after a long morning in the company of others Bella was not prepared to squander the opportunity.  
Her hand had found the side of his face, her palm appreciating the soft tickle of his beard, and her lips had claimed his. The kiss was brief, but necessary; and when the couple had parted they'd managed to share a look that was full of promises.

Alice hadn't said anything about it at the time, but had eagerly agreed to accompany Bella to the store, seeing that her brother had generously handed over a fistful of cash to pay for whatever they might decide to buy.

"A hundred and forty dollars' worth of ice cream?" Bella had teasingly inquired after hearing Edward's one request.

"Maybe some cookies too—chocolate chip." He'd winked, before giving her one more kiss.

Alice recalled thinking that she'd never seen a simple peck on the cheek look so passionate. But that was her brother for you. Maybe it was because he'd never been prone to showing such affection until recently, but it was obvious that he put his soul into every moment he shared with Bella. And Alice loved him for it. It made sense that Bella would have to restrain herself when he'd turned away, but it was comical to see the play of emotions that crossed her dear friends face in that moment—everything from simple longing to unbridled lust had seemed to surface in an instant.

"We'll find time to sit down with Edward in the next day or so and see how he'd like to handle this, but I'd be willing to talk to Mom and Dad if it might be easier for you guys. Unfortunately, Charlie's all yours."

Bella appreciated Alice's offer and her easy acceptance of the situation, and though she wasn't looking forward to a conversation with her father about moving in with a guy she'd known for barely a month, she knew that somehow it would be okay. Alice was right. Her father seemed to genuinely like Edward and he'd always thought highly of Esme and Carlisle. If Edward weren't the first and only boy she'd ever shown any interest in perhaps this wouldn't seem like such a big deal. She was an adult after all; but in terms of relationships she still felt like a fledgling teenager who would require permission for just about everything. Foolish, but true.

As a sign of her thanks, Bella had taken time to hug her hyper little friend and promise that she would do her very best to keep Edward happy—always. She also promised that she would talk to Charlie before too long and seek his blessing, since she knew that it would make Edward feel better about the situation as well. No matter how much he wanted Bella to share his home, he'd never consider going against her father's wishes if it could be helped, making her all the more motivated to insure his approval.

The ride back had been fun and full of laughter, the two friends busy catching up on any number of less stressful topics now that so many of their lingering concerns had been addressed. That is until they'd pulled up to the house and Alice had seen what Jasper had gotten up to while they were away.

"Jasper Whitlock, what the hell are you doing?"

"Working, Sugar. Working." He'd nonchalantly responded despite the panicked sound of his fiancé's voice.  
He was in fact hanging from some type of makeshift rafter that he'd attached to the backside of the house like a monkey, swinging back and forth some twenty feet off the ground.

Before the girls had left to go to the store Edward had managed to hook up one of his computers, and Jasper had been busy uploading some software that would allow him to show Edward the ideas he had in mind for the terrace Esme had asked him about designing. Apparently while they were away the pair had decided to take things outside for a better perspective and now Jasper was about to give Alice a heart attack.

"I swear, if you kill yourself before we get married, I am so going to kick your ass!"

"I'd gladly let you, love." Jasper shouted back, while climbing even higher so that he could get a better look at the buildings support structure.

Although Emse was missing, it seemed as though everyone else had managed to come outside for a look at what was going on, and Bella found it rather amusing to see Charlie and Carlisle leaning against the back of her father's police cruiser, sipping lemonade and chatting, while Edward stood a short distance away keeping an eye on Jasper's acrobatics. However, once he'd heard his sister shouting and seen that they were back he'd abandoned his post and come to greet her instead.

He touched the side of her face and grinned for her when he saw how much she wanted to reach out for an embrace.

"Did you get anything for me?" he playfully asked, hinting at the list of junk food he'd requested, or maybe more.

She blushed slightly thanks to the nearby audience and Carlisle's interruption, asking if perhaps she'd thought to pick up some first aid supplies, "Just in case," he'd chuckled, inclining his head towards Jasper who now had Alice standing directly beneath him with her hands on her hips.

Edward had taken hold of her hands and had leaned in to kiss her cheek, seemingly oblivious to his father's words or the fact that Bella's was also sitting only a few yards away. Thanks to his boldness Bella found the courage to give in and wrapped her arms around him, her face turning up to kiss his neck and then the underside of his jaw.

Carlisle smiled at the sight and noticed Charlie watching them as well.

"It's hard having the daughter, huh?" He sympathetically mentioned.

Charlie sighed and turned to look at Edward's father. He didn't know what to make of that comment, but he knew that it was true. He didn't like to think about everything his daughter's relationship would, or had likely already come to involve.

"And before you even think about giving my boy a hard time, just remember mine's marrying that."

Watching Dr. Cullen gesture at the idiot hanging upside down from a hastily hung bit of timber, taunting poor Alice with his antics, had gotten Charlie laughing. He didn't really laugh all that often but when he did it was a joyful sound.  
If Carlisle had been hoping to deflect any negative thoughts Charlie might have been thinking in terms of Edward or Bella, it hadn't been necessary. Still the comment had made him realize the truth of what they were dealing with.

"They're good kids." His eyes strayed once again to where Edward and Bella had gone off, hand in hand, to begin unloading the truck full of groceries.

"All of them." He added then seeing just how happy those two were when they were together.


	56. Chapter 56

A/N: Oh dear, here I go giving you guys a new chapter less than a month after the last one and I'm afraid I may have given you a bit of a cliffhanger.  
Oops *snicker*

Chapter 56

Edward was hunched over and nearly crawling now thanks to his hast and the shape of the trail he was on beginning to shrink significantly in height. He felt leaves and branches and lord knows what else scraping along his neck and back; but it didn't matter, as he was in pursuit of an endangered species he'd read about many times but had never had the opportunity to see for himself—and to think he would discover such a creature living on _his_ land of all places. The very thought of it made Edward feel like a giddy young boy, his adrenaline pumping and his heart racing with excitement.

The trail he had been on was rough and winding and likely made by any number of animals roaming about, traversing the landscape. It was quite obvious after his previous trips out here that humans hadn't wandered through this part of the forest in a very long time, if ever, so it was Edward's intention to take advantage of what nature had provided and use it for his own purposes; especially since it was much easier to expand an existing trail than it would be to try manufacturing one from scratch. Experience told him that the path he had been on was worn down by the movement of some of the larger mammals in the area such as a deer; but in his efforts to keep up with what he believed was a fisher—a small weasel-like animal that was very much endangered and hard to come by—he'd ventured off of the original path and into some surprisingly thick vegetation.

His initial intention today had been to continue the exploration of his property before having Bella join him for a few days of hiking and perhaps a short camping excursion. After all, fourteen acres wasn't so big that its secrets couldn't be discovered a few hours at a time over a matter of days, especially with one such as Edward in charge of the discovering. Unfortunately, or otherwise, Bella was eager to be out here with him, making his perusal of the land a bit less extensive than he would have liked.  
It wasn't as if her desire to come along bothered him exactly but his protective nature made him nervous for her to be in such an uncontrolled and unknown environment. He was confident in his ability to keep her safe; still he would prefer to know the type of obstacles they might be made to face ahead of time.  
Keeping that in mind it was to his benefit that he'd come to possess many forms of persuasion as of late. Because of this he'd been able to negotiate a compromise.

Bella had quite a bit of work that had been neglected during their time away, even though she'd been sure to complete as much as possible prior to their departure. And only days after they'd returned, Edward had been commissioned to start on a new project for one of his longstanding clients. With plenty to keep the both of them busy for a while, Edward had been able to promise an all-out exploration of the property as a reward, once they'd managed some progress with their pending obligations.  
Bella and her accommodating ways couldn't find any reason to argue with his logic and agreed to the terms he'd laid out. And as a major bonus it allowed him the chance to have a look around and get a feel for the land before she'd be joining him.

Still, there was no hope of cutting larger trails or creating an easier climb through the dense undergrowth before his promise would need to be fulfilled, so he was concentrating more so on making sure there weren't any hidden dangers lurking nearby—wolves and bears for example; since Bella had already voiced an aversion to sharing space with such creatures. And of course knowing whether or not the terrain was conducive to hiking were keys.  
No matter the purpose however, Edward still managed to find himself on his hands and knees, tangled in a mess of vines, and laughing out loud at his predicament this morning.

It was amazing to know that there were over three thousand types of plants that could be found in the state of Washington and that Edward could successfully put a name to damn near every one of them. What was even more amazing though was how he'd ended up here, and how the only thought in his head was that Bella would be laughing her ass off if she could see him right now.

While he was cussing the English ivy and the matted clumps of toadflax it had grown through to make the web-like trap he'd ended up in, he realized that the little fisher he'd spotted was long gone by now and probably not worth chasing after to begin with. After lying there in the dense foliage for a moment Edward finally got to his feet no longer concerned with being quiet or careful about his movement. He had a quick look around to gather his bearings before he started jogging through the brush, much as he'd always done for exercise. There wasn't much he'd managed to accomplish, but all the same he'd decided to call it a day. His shirt was torn in several places and he was a mess after his little side trip, but he'd always intended to go for a run while he was out, and right now he was loving every minute of it.

Bella flipped another page over and had just reached to set it on the growing stack of papers to her right when the backdoor banging open managed to startle her.  
She glanced up and found Edward shirtless, his body glistening with perspiration and his chest heaving, as if he were out of breath.

"Hey, Baby." He said as soon as he noticed she was there, and in doing so he confirmed his breathless state. "When did you get home?"

Bella smiled at his enthusiastic tone and the fact that he'd referred to his home as if it were also hers. It wasn't official yet, but they were working their way towards that goal for sure.

The reason for her presence and his surprise at finding her here was that she'd been in to the office this morning to collect a new supply of manuscripts and turn in those that remained from what she'd been working on since before they'd gone out of town. Knowing that she would do so today they had decided to part ways last night after watching a movie with Alice over at their place.

Edward had been in his new house for just over a week at this point, but there had only been a handful of occasions thus far that they had been able to talk themselves into staying the night away from one another. There was really no point in it after all, but they were still curious to know what it would be like, and if they could actually deal with such moments of separation.

As it turned out it was a tolerable practice, which was rather encouraging though they were still of a mind to make it as rare an occurrence as possible. Still, Bella was happy to note that many of the things Alice had once excitedly described for her when speaking of she and Jasper's relationship had proven to be true.  
It was difficult to be apart but saying goodnight was far more meaningful when you wouldn't be sleeping next to that person. And saying hello after some time spent away was rather rewarding as well.

Looking forward to those benefits and wanting her unplanned visit to be a surprise Bella hadn't bothered to phone ahead of time and disclose her intentions, so as a result she'd arrived here to find that Edward wasn't home. Or more accurately he wasn't at the house.  
Both cars were still parked off to the side and the alarm hadn't been activated so Bella knew that he was just out and about on the property somewhere, and that he hadn't truly gone anywhere.  
Using her key she'd let herself inside, cleaned up the few dishes that had appeared in the sink since the last time she'd been over and made herself comfortable on the sofa with some reading, happy to wait on his return.

She wasn't upset to know that Edward was out in the woods without her. He'd promised they would go out exploring together, but she didn't believe for one minute that he'd be able to resist the pull of nature when it was so near. That and she also understood his desire to make sure she wasn't going to be placed in any sort of danger.  
She had missed him though so it was nice to discover that she'd only been reading for maybe twenty minutes by the time he had appeared. In that amount of time she was able to determine that she was really impressed with this particular author. Even so they were no match for her Edward in his current condition.

"I'm all sweaty." He agreed as he made his way straight to her, pausing briefly to remove his glasses and wipe his face with the towel he'd grabbed on his way past the kitchen.  
With that done he bent to kiss her and smiled at the amused expression she wore.  
Not only was he sweaty, he was pretty close to filthy. There were bits of debris, dirt and leaves, clinging to his shoulders and tangled into his hair. Mud was smeared along his left forearm and he had a collection of tiny twigs and pine needles caught up under his belt.

"Find a good spot to take a break. I'm going to have a quick shower and then I can't wait to tell you what all I found."

He was already on his way to the refrigerator and all Bella could think was, thank goodness he'd pulled off his boots outside, as she could tell by the dirt that had made it to his socked feet that his shoes must be in even worse condition.

With a bottle of water in hand he headed to the bedroom, but just as he'd made it to the door he hesitated and turned back to find Bella sitting there, still watching him.

"I love you, Baby." He grinned before disappearing around the corner.

Bella silently laughed at the scene she'd just been a part of. For anyone else this might have seemed strange, but for her she could easily see this becoming a part of their regular routine.

Being conveniently in between pages, Bella set the rest of her reading aside and got up from her place on the sofa, stretching lazily as she did so. She could hear the shower running thanks to Edward's recently developed habit of leaving the bathroom door open and it made her smile.  
It was nice to know that he was comfortable here, and that he was comfortable having her here. It was such a little thing, but it was the type of habit a person could easily alter if they felt the need.

Listening to the sounds of water splashing and Edward bumping around in the shower, Bella busied herself making a cup of tea. She would have ordinarily made a second cup for Edward, but it was warm out today and by the look of things when he'd come inside he'd be more appreciative of a cold drink instead—perhaps another bottle of water.

Just as the kettle was starting to warm he rejoined her in the kitchen, wearing nothing more than a pair of shorts this time. Bella loved that she knew he owned four pairs of these shorts, all of which were identical except for the type of damage and wear each had sustained over the years. These were the ones that had a small tear near the right hip pocket, and a bit of fraying around the waistband. She knew that she was staring but it was not because of his clothing choice; it was instead because much of his body still shimmered with droplets of water, though he was busy rubbing the towel draped around his neck over his head and chest in an attempt to dry them.

"Did you have a nice run?" She pleasantly asked, knowing that no matter what he'd actually gotten up to in the woods that would have been a part of his original purpose.

He hummed an affirmative answer as he set the towel aside and stepped closer. He hadn't bothered collecting his glasses from wherever he'd set them down and Bella found herself suddenly mesmerized by the brilliant color of his eyes.

"You look gorgeous today," he whispered before allowing his lips to lightly kiss hers, "I probably wouldn't have gone anywhere if I'd known you'd show up while I was out, looking so beautiful."  
He punctuated the statement with another kiss, this one lasting a moment longer.

"I wouldn't have been gone so long if I'd known I might have such a welcome waiting for me." She agreed.

Edward smiled against her mouth and proceeded to kiss her some more, his lips manipulating hers in ways that made her body tingle.

Kissing Edward had become as easy and natural as breathing for Bella and yet she usually forgot to do so whenever he took the time to really explore the possibilities. As with anything he could turn a simple kiss into an art form and he seemed to take pride in discovering new ways to impress her.

"Have you eaten yet?" He quietly asked after having gotten his fill, straightening up to place one more kiss upon her forehead, his hands gently cradling her face as he did so.

She shook her head slightly and blinked a few times.

There were tiny scratches, pink and irritated looking, along his bicep and in places across his chest. Bella touched him gently and kissed a few of them.

"You should be more careful, Sweetheart." She whispered.

She hadn't meant to ignore his offer of lunch, or change the subject as if were. Still, she couldn't seem to pull her thoughts away from the way he'd looked a few moments ago, and how even now, clean and smelling fresh from the shower, his rugged handsomeness was written all over him.

"I got a little carried away." He blushed, color extending from his face all the way down to where she was still inspecting his upper body.

Bella glanced up at him and let him see her smile.  
She was wearing a slight bit of makeup today, as was her habit when she got dressed to go into the office. Edward couldn't see so well since his glasses were still sitting on the dresser in the other room, but he could still appreciate the way her eyes looked even bigger and perhaps a little darker than usual thanks to the enhancement. Her hair was pulled back from her face and secured with a clip, and she wore one of his favorite blouses. It was light and airy, and quite feminine in comparison to the normal clothes Bella usually wore around the house. It wasn't that he preferred her one way or the other but the differences were nice when he noticed them.

"I have some really wonderful animals living out back apparently." He told her then, by way of an explanation, letting his fingertips slowly trace along her hairline.

"When do I get to join you and see for myself?" She responded with a glint in her eyes that made his heart jump.

"Tomorrow." He decided on a whim.  
It wasn't as though he could make enough changes to the landscape, or that he would even really want to before she would finally insist, so he was willing to take a chance.  
It had worked wonderfully when speaking to her father the other night so he figured, why mess with a good thing?

"I have some things to do, so we'll work through this afternoon and pack up some supplies in the morning."

Her expression was nothing short of radiant and Edward chuckled when he suddenly found himself pressed up against the counter behind him.  
No matter how much shorter Bella was than him she always found a way to reach his lips when she wanted to. Maybe it was because he was so drawn to her that instinctively he'd help to close the gap between them, but whatever it was he loved when she would initiate such contact.

Her little hands wandered over his ribs and up the strong plains of his chest, while Edward let his settle against her lower back, their mouths happy to enjoy each other's company at a lazy pace. That is until Bella's hands had again started to roam, this time in the opposite direction.

He groaned into her mouth as her fingers found their way below the belt, that he hadn't even bothered to put on, and began to lightly move along the length of his eagerly developing erection. She took his response for what it was and let her hand apply a bit more pressure, thoroughly palming him through the thin fabric of his shorts.

Another groan escaped him a moment later, this one coupled with the sound of her name as she released his mouth and the button of his shorts at the same time. She quieted him with a single finger placed over his parted lips and began to make a slow descent, kissing her way down the length of his body.

"Baby, what are you doing?" He pleaded, his body too intrigued by her attention to allow him any other means of stalling her progress.

"Relax, Sweetheart. I'm just saying thank you. And that I missed you."

His eyes had reluctantly closed, but he could feel her hands as they gripped his waistband at either hip, gently tugging his shorts downward.

They were still learning a lot, but they had become very willing students—eager for knowledge and unafraid to experiment.

Edward would have never dreamed that he'd be standing in this kitchen one day, his hands braced on the granite countertop behind him for support, while Bella confidently worshiped his manhood with her mouth. He also would have never thought a screaming teakettle would be the thing to interrupt such a moment; but it did.

It was a rare thing to hear Bella swear so heatedly but Edward was impressed with her choice of words. So much so that he'd been able to get over his disappointment rather quickly in favor of switching off the stovetop and setting the noisy kettle aside, before picking her up and striding off towards their bedroom.

This bed was awesome—all plush pillows and bedding, and plenty of room to move about. Even though when they actually stayed together they were still prone to sleeping practically on top of one another the space certainly came in handy for other activities. Like now, with Edward having decided to strip Bella of her clothing at such a leisurely pace—hovering above her, rolling beneath her and lying beside her, all the while kissing and caressing her body.

"Welcome home, Baby." Edward had grinned after they'd both found fulfillment.

Toying with his hair Bella kissed his forehead and made a very satisfied sound.  
She knew that it was time to make a decision. Edward had taken it upon himself to speak with Charlie the other night, pointing out after Bella's father had mentioned something on the subject of Jasper and Alice's wedding plans that his daughter would need to consider what to do after the couple's marriage took place. Like Bella, Edward knew that it would make perfect sense to a reasonable person that she would need to seek a new living arrangement once her roommate got married. Believing that Charlie was indeed a reasonable person he felt okay pointing out the obvious. Much to everyone's surprise Charlie had actually suggested Bella think about moving in with Edward.

"It's kind of a small place, but Bella's pretty good at adapting to whatever's necessary."

"You'd be okay with it if I were to ask her?" Edward had all but blurted out.

If he'd meant to disguise his eagerness, he'd failed miserably; but Charlie was touched by his willingness to take on such a role. He had no doubts that Edward was very responsible and that he felt some serious obligations towards Bella's safety and wellbeing. He also knew that she would never know the kind of comfort and security Edward could offer her were she to try being on her own. And naturally after all this time it wasn't fair to insist she move back home, so the alternative was clear.

"I'm willing to trust that you'll continue to treat her with the respect she deserves. I haven't seen anything to make me think otherwise, so far, so it would be in your best interest to take the blessing I'm willing to give you and use it wisely."

It was probably the most articulate collection of words Edward had ever heard come from her father, but who was he to judge? His response was nothing more than a stuttered version of, "Yes sir." And a hastily added, "I will."

Remembering Edward's brave handling of what should have been her responsibility Bella was more than ready to solidify this commitment.

"If I can get through this manuscript I just started before the day is out, I think we should take a day once we get done exploring and start moving some of my things over here."

"Yeah?" He lifted his head from where it had been resting just above her heart and Bella nearly swooned at the sight of his smile.

They couldn't avoid a few extra moments of celebration but eventually they found themselves lounging in bed, Edward back in his shorts and Bella now wearing one of his t-shirts. Edward had retrieved one of his laptops from the loft so he could sit with Bella and get some work done while she'd picked up her reading again after the two had shared a quick lunch and sometime catching up on what all they'd been doing and thinking about since they'd said goodnight the day before. It should have been hard to get on task with so many distractions, but newly motivated and enjoying the silent company of one another while they worked Bella was on track to finish this manuscript and possibly more, while Edward was on quite a roll with his programing outline, neither one really noticing the time as it passed. That is until his phone had started to ring a few hours later.

"Cullen." He answered.

It was only Alice according to the caller ID, but old habits were hard to break.

"Tonight? Err, now?"

Bella had slipped off her glasses and was looking curiously in his direction, but Edward was only able to shrug as he didn't quite understand the urgency of his sister's voice.

A few suspenseful minutes went by where Bella could only hear one side of the conversation, but eventually Edward hung up the call and tried to explain.

"Alice says Mom and Dad are coming over there in just a little while, because she and Jasper had wanted to talk to them…she wouldn't say about what. But she's pretty insistent that we need to be there. She'd actually like us there before they show up."

Bella felt guilty for not sharing with Edward what she knew, but Alice had sworn her to secrecy this morning; specifically saying that she couldn't tell anyone, not even Edward. She'd wondered what, if anything, she was telling her brother over the phone but it was quite obvious that she hadn't said much, so neither would she. At least it wasn't information she'd have to keep to herself much longer, since it would seem the whole family would be aware soon enough.

"Think there's time for me to shower? I'd hate to be hanging out with your folks smelling like sex."

Edward certainly liked the idea of his girl carrying with her evidence of their physical love, but he'd be foolish to suggest that such a thing would go unnoticed by the likes of his father.

"Probably a good idea. We'll make time." He smirked, watching as she pulled off his shirt on her way into their bathroom.


	57. Chapter 57

A/N: Sorry for the delay in getting this one to you. I love how everyone has the same ideas about what might be up with Alice. I considered that possibility, but I decided having Jasper knock her up wasn't really gonna accomplish what I needed in terms of the story. LOL  
Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 57

It had been nearly an hour since Bella had last heard anything from Edward. He was upstairs in the loft, working, but up until an hour ago she'd been able to hear something of the process. Now all was silent; and although she still appreciated moments such as these, where you could hear every little sound that would ordinarily be lost to the normal bustle of life, it made her wonder about how he might be fairing.

She hadn't pushed for his company today and she hadn't been offended when he'd retreated upstairs just after breakfast. They both had work that needed seeing to, and she could tell that he'd like some time to himself. Still, she worried about him, though she understood that it was probably best to let him be and come to terms with what was troubling him in his own time.  
It was a good plan, and one that she was committed to sticking with. But that was only until she realized that she'd been over the same paragraph eight times in the past hour and though her brain was able to see at least a dozen errors her pen had become stubbornly reluctant to do her bidding.

With a heavy sigh, Bella got to her feet and wandered into the kitchen. It was approaching midday so she figured it was time for everyone to take a break. With that in mind and a glass of lemonade in hand she made her way to the staircase and carefully ascended hoping to see what he was up to.

Reaching the top she understood why she could no longer hear him. Edward was partially reclined in the old desk chair he'd brought back with them from Colorado; his legs were crossed his arms loosely cradling the guitar he'd been playing, while his head tipped forward, his face resting against the swell of its body in an unintentional slumber. It was dark up here, save for the glowing lights from all the electronic gadgetry he could easily name but that she was terribly intimidated by; and of course there was the dreary sunlight filtering in from the highest windows along the front wall of the house.

Bella's heart ached seeing him like this. She knew that he hadn't slept well for the past few days, but he kept stubbornly insisting that he was fine and that he always went without sleep whenever there was a project underway. He'd said as much in the past, long before Bella was in any position to observe his habits. She had no trouble understanding the kind of pressure he felt, being asked to do the kinds of things that others couldn't even begin to conceptualize on a routine basis, and for such notable clients in many instances; unfortunately she worried that there was more to it than that—this time.

She slowly approached his desk and set the glass she carried down on the only unoccupied corner.

"Sweetheart." She spoke quietly, so as not to startle him.

"Mmumph?"

Bella's mouth lifted slightly on one side. It was the very first sound she'd ever heard Edward make and because of that it was one she still loved to hear whenever she'd find time to observe him sleeping. However, as she was tied up for a moment allowing her brain to reminisce, Edward stirred a bit more fully, stretching out his sore neck and swearing quietly from the discomfort.

"I brought you something to drink." Bella went on to say when he didn't seem to notice her presence.

He awkwardly adjusted himself into a better position and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. His head was bent when he spoke and he said nothing more than a polite thank you in response.

"Would you like something for lunch? It's almost one." She offered after clearing her throat.

He'd set the guitar aside and picked up a pencil, which he had gripped in his teeth now with another tucked behind his ear, as it was apparently his habit to have multiple writing utensils at the ready when working. Bella might have found the practice rather cute, had it not provided a convenient way for him to avoid her just now. He shook his head instead of speaking thanks to his mouth's preoccupation and seemed intent on whatever papers he'd begun to shuffle around.

Without a word Bella turned and walked back down the stairs. Surely he'd realize what he was doing and come to find her eventually. In the meantime she had plenty to keep herself busy, including a few phone calls she'd just recently decided might be necessary.

"Is he any better?"

"About the same, but unfortunately it feels like my patience is starting to fade."

"Oh Bella, I hate this. I mean I guess eventually we were bound to see this side of him resurface, but I was so hoping that he'd have more time to enjoy his happiness—that you both would."  
Esme could feel tears of frustration attempting to fight their way forward, but she'd promised herself that she would stay strong and show every bit of love and support she could offer to both Edward and Bella if they should need her. It touched her heart in ways she'd never expected to know that Bella would actually come to her for advice and that she would also seek her out when things got difficult.

"I just worry that he's got more going on in his head right now than is necessary, you know? I get that he's upset and I can understand needing some time to come to terms with the unexpected, but I just wish he'd talk to me."

"He will—eventually. He's never wanted to share any sort of burden with others, emotional or otherwise. It's why he always chose to hide."

"The last thing he needs right now is some sort of confrontation from me, but do you think I should push him a little?"

"I think you know better than anyone what he can endure. And I believe that you should take care of yourself any way you feel is warranted, since it's quite obvious that he's forgotten just how difficult this is for you as well. I'm sure it's not his intention to make this harder for you, but I think he's blinded by his own disappointment. So perhaps he might need something to open his eyes."

It pained her to know that everything had been going along so smoothly; and now, just when her family as a whole seemed to be doing so well, it looked as though it could all start to crumble.

"I'll call you again this evening, once I've talked to Alice." Bella promised before ending the call.

She set her phone aside and folded her hands up under her chin. Esme had just confirmed everything that Dr. Montgomery had already suggested, and Bella knew it was up to her to say something if she wanted this predicament settled any time soon. One problem remained however—how was she ever going to get through this conversation that they needed to have without making him feel even worse than he already did?  
With no immediate ideas in mind she grabbed her keys and left Edward a note. Maybe a little drive and some time alone to speak with Alice would help. She could only hope, but it was still a better alternative than sitting around waiting for an opportunity that she didn't even know what to do with.

As she drove the short distance across town to the little shop where Alice worked, Bella couldn't help but think back and consider what she might have done differently to perhaps avoid this sort of situation. It wasn't the first time she'd thought to blame herself for the way Edward was punishing himself right now, but the rational side of her mind knew that it wasn't anyone's fault. Still it was difficult to understand, especially when the other night had started off so well.

Three days ago Bella and Edward had found themselves back in Bella's cozy little bedroom. It was after a quick greeting from his sister, where she was suddenly convinced that she couldn't say a word to either of them until Carlisle and Esme had managed to join everyone that the couple had decided they may as well make use of the time to see about what items they might wish to move over to Edward's place in the next day or so.  
Feeling a little lazy after a long afternoon of working so diligently, something he'd not done in over a month's time, Edward had dropped across her bed and promptly decided that he could be of no help to anyone right then. Bella just laughed at his overly dramatic display of exhaustion and had offered her lap as a pillow. Taking advantage of his favorite napping position, Edward dozed off and on for a short while, as Bella use the time to complete a few extra pages of her current manuscript, which she'd conveniently thought to bring along. Somehow she knew that Alice would decide to wait on any sort of reveal once she'd had time to think about it, no matter how insistent she'd been that they arrive so soon.

Despite the change of plans time passed quickly and before they knew it the sound of Alice answering the door with her usual exuberance, inviting everyone in and announcing loud enough for the entire neighborhood to know that, "Mom and Dad are here!," brought an end to Edward's nap and their time alone.

"And now all of Washington is aware of that fact." Jasper had quipped seconds later as he came in from the kitchen with what appeared to be a bowl of chocolate ice cream.  
Carlisle immediately thought to go off searching for the source of such a tasty little treat and make himself a bowl—just to tide him over until suppertime of course—but his attention was drawn to the stairs leading up from Bella's bedroom before he could managed it.

"Edward, put me down." Bella's voice was heard through her giggles.

"You work too hard woman; it's time for a break." He playfully growled in response.

"It was just one more page." She insisted as a surprised yelp of laughter escaped Edward for some reason, drowning out the rest of her words just as they made it up to the landing.

"Hi, Mom. Dad." Edward sighed after depositing Bella on her feet, releasing her from the previous position she'd occupied over his shoulder. He straightened his glasses and grinned rather shyly when he noticed that all eyes were on he and Bella—though he should have known to expect nothing less.

"Hey, Old Dude, you're lookin' good." Bella smirked.  
She was being honest in her assessment of his father's appearance, but she was also tactfully drawing the attention upon herself and away from Edward since she'd noticed right away how uncomfortable he seemed. It had been his decision to forcibly remove her from her room and her reading—too excited to know what this big secret his sister had been harboring was all about—but she'd been to one to smack him on the ass just before, making their arrival a bit more dramatic than was necessary. He'd been doing exceedingly well around his family as of late, but there would always be those moments that he didn't know how to handle. Fortunately Bella was still of a mind to cover for him when necessary.

"So are you, my dear." Carlisle beamed as Bella discreetly caressed Edward's arm before locating and giving his hand a little squeeze to convey her silent understanding. She then approached Esme and offered a warm hug of greeting, while Edward grinned at his father's appropriately timed wink.

"So, have you been out on the property to do any exploring yet?" Carlisle had asked Edward, as they all settled in the living room finally—after he'd acquired a bowl of double fudge brownie, with a chocolate chip cookie on the side that is.  
Esme didn't even blink at her husband's ridiculously portioned pre-dinner snack, but she had seemed a little disappointed for half a second, since his inquiry would no doubt delay any sort of announcement and the real reason they'd come by; it was only when Edward had smiled so brightly, and Bella, grinning back at him, had taken hold of his hand once more that she was suddenly just as eager to hear about what they might have to say on the matter.

"So Jasper and I have something rather exciting to share, and we wanted everyone together to hear the news." Alice managed to dictate the next topic of conversation after everyone seemed satisfied with what Edward was willing to share about his new home and what he had been able to see so far of the surrounding forest.  
There were expectant glances all around, until finally Esme spoke up, wondering aloud for everyone sake.

"I've been offered a permanent position with Davis and Dandridge, and a promotion that would come with a pretty big assignment; assuming I take the job." Jasper started off by saying.

No one responded for a few seconds though it was obvious that Carlisle had the question that was likely on everyone's mind at the ready. Before anyone could ask it however, Alice went on to announce the real reason they'd asked everyone over this evening.

"It's not a matter of whether he takes the job." She corrected with a sideways glance at her fiancé. It was pretty clear that they'd discussed this matter ahead of time, and that they weren't exactly in agreement on all aspects of the issue. Jasper's words hadn't held any of the enthusiasm one might expect to accompany such an announcement, but Alice's next bit of information would likely explain why.

"What's really important here is that it will require a lot from both of us over the next two years, since it will mean moving to London—temporarily."

"And moving up any sort of wedding we were hoping to have."

"And we'll need to see about building the terrace you wanted before Jazz gets tied up with other plans."

"Then there's the question of what to do with this place."

"And the stuff I have here."

It was easy to see that the couple was both nervous and excited as they committed to this _tag-team_ approach. There was a lot that needed saying and explaining, and it suddenly seemed best to just put everything out there for consideration. But ultimately, once they finally felt as though the most pressing matters had been addressed they sat quietly, yet expectantly, holding hands and waiting for whatever response this information might receive.

Edward was staring blankly at a spot somewhere off in the distance, and Bella, who was seated right next to him was chewing on her lower lip. It didn't look as though either one had anything to say so Carlisle cleared his throat and took it upon himself to initiate some conversation.

"If you decide to go through with this, when would you have to decide, and how long would you have before moving?"

"I have two weeks to consider the offer." Jasper responded. Then after sharing a look with Alice he took a deep breath and went on to say that they would have to relocate within six weeks after that, if he had any hopes of settling in before the project he would be overseeing got underway.

"Six weeks?" Esme finally spoke up. "That's hardly any time at all."

Jasper couldn't take his eyes off of the floor suddenly, but he appreciated Alice's steady presence at his side.

"It's long enough." She insisted. "Jasper's been working towards something like this for so long, and I want him to have this opportunity. Just because we'd started to think about other things before this came up, doesn't mean we can't adjust and make it work."

Her words were passionate and decisive but her father couldn't help but notice the way she kept looking at her brother with such concern as she spoke.  
Edward's face was pale except for a few splotchy patches of color on his cheeks and neck. It was a reaction that usually occurred when he was nervous, but in this instance his expression had remained eerily calm.

"Would you…" Bella's voice cracked slightly forcing her to pause and try again. The emotion was hard enough for Alice to hear, but seeing Edward finally refocus and wrap his arm securely around her best friend's shoulders nearly broke her heart.  
"Would you really have time to go through with the wedding before you leave?" She finally managed to ask, her hand settling on Edward's leg in a comforting gesture.

Edward's eyes were now focused on her and Alice had some difficulty finding her words as a result. The hardest part for her had always been the idea of having to leave these two behind. It would only be a couple of years, but that would be significantly longer than she'd ever considered being away from her brother ever again; and though Bella was doing so well now that she had Edward, Alice could hardly imagine her life without such a dear friend being right around the corner. Even knowing that they could find time to visit wasn't enough to make her truly okay with this part of it.

"I'd like to. It wouldn't be the same kind of event that I was originally thinking about, but I'd still like for us to be official before I go following someone halfway around the world." She giggled a bit to showcase the humor she was hoping to interject, but it ended up sounding a tad pitiful anyway.

"Edward?" Jasper had finally reached a point to where he couldn't handle the silence or the suspense any longer. The blank expression that Alice's brother had been wearing since this discussion had gotten underway was unnerving at best, but more than that Jasper had hoped that their new found friendship could survive this. Jasper would never force the issue if Alice wasn't on board one hundred percent, but he still felt guilty about the separation this opportunity was set to cause. He'd rarely seen Alice as happy as she was when her brother was around and he hated the idea of taking that from either of them.

"You should take the job." Edward simply stated. "And Ally should be allowed whatever kind of wedding she was hoping for."  
He'd turned to his mother then, sharing a glance to reiterate his view. Esme smiled with understanding and quickly agreed.

"It's not much notice, but if we can decide on a date and get some invitations printed in the next day or so I don't see why we couldn't pull off your initial plan. We'd only have to simplify a few minor details."

Alice was now tearful but calm as she gave Jasper's hand a squeeze before letting go to cross the room. She knelt in front of her brother and silently begged his embrace. His voice was muffled against her shoulder, but sitting so near Carlisle could make out Edward's repeated thanks. And though anything else that was exchanged was said too softly for anyone to overhear, Bella understood exactly what this was about. It was a passing of the torch so to speak.  
Like Bella, though her approach was quite different, Alice often made decisions based on how the outcome might affect the happiness of others; and it was clear that at any other time in her life Alice might have been opposed to leaving her family behind for such a venture. Now however, she was finally willing to look out for herself and her future—confident that her parents would be fine, since Edward's steady presence was now available to make up for any void caused by her absence. And likewise, she could count on Bella and Edward to take care of each other in a manner that only she'd been able to manage in the past. Everyone she'd always felt some sort of obligation towards could look to Edward now, and he could count on Bella.

"Time to celebrate, I suppose!" Jasper decided all of a sudden, this intense emotional vibe starting to overwhelm his senses.  
He stood and placed a kiss against Alice's cheek and another on the top of Bella's head. He gave her a look to let her know that he understood just how hard this must be for her to witness, before giving Edward a nod of thanks.

Moments later there was wine and beer all around and a second bowl of ice cream for Carlisle. There was much discussion about what would come next and what sort of adjustments needed to be made in the wedding planning process; and of course there were questions about what kind of accommodations Jasper would be granted in London. It was clear that everyone was excited for them and the opportunities that would come from this. It was something to celebrate for sure.

Despite that however, Bella's focus was mostly on Edward. When Jasper had returned with an armload of beverages to pass around, Edward had finally turned to her once more. Without a word he leaned over and hugged her gently before pulling her onto his lap. The affection was innocent and welcomed even in the company of his family, especially since she had been hoping at the time that he was truly okay with what had been revealed. It felt as though he was offering his comfort and support, while taking the same from her, which undoubtedly pleased Bella.

Edward had recently decided that he thoroughly disliked the way his emotions tried to come into play whenever he was faced with stress or uncertainty. It had been his habit of late to ignore those emotions and bottle things up inside instead of expressing his frustrations outwardly. Bella respected his need to try different approaches and she trusted his judgment. In this instance however she worried that the bond he shared with his sister would be too strong, and create a far more difficult emotion to ignore. And despite his initial response to the situation, she'd been right.

Edward was quiet for the remainder of the night. He sat with his family and listened—or maybe he just pretended to, but he had very little to say. As the night wore on, Carlisle and Esme eventually ventured home, but Bella and Edward had remained. No one felt like dwelling on the pending separation that seemed to be in their future, so instead the respective couples cuddled together on the sofa and the floor watching a movie together in silence. When it was over Bella and Edward retired to her room for the night.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Edward asked as Bella readied herself for bed.

"Alice made me swear that I'd let her be the one to tell you." Bella wasn't surprised that he was able to tell that she'd known ahead of time. Her emotions along with her questions had been genuine tonight, since she hadn't been given any great opportunity to think about or ask what she might want to know earlier in the day, but naturally Edward would be able to see that she wasn't shocked by the announcement in the same way that his parents had been.  
"I only just found out this morning, and at the time Alice wasn't really sure what their decision would be. I had a suspicion she was going to push Jasper to go through with it, but she wouldn't say for sure what their plans were."

Edward had stripped out of his jeans and the shirt he wore, climbing under the covers as Bella joined him. He hadn't said anything else and she assumed that he was still processing everything, since it was quite a lot to take in. He'd been home for little more than a month and he was finally starting to get the hang of being a part of his family again, and now his sister—the person who was his closest friend, only friend, for so long—was leaving.

They'd fallen asleep shortly thereafter. Or at least Bella had heard his breathing change and felt his posture relax. She would find out later that whether or not he'd dozed off, most of his night had been rather restless. When she awakened the next morning he was already up and had left the room. When she got dressed for the day and made her way upstairs she found he and Alice at the kitchen table not talking.

"Morning." She'd quietly offered as she went to pour herself some coffee. There was no response from either of them. After taking a quick look around it didn't appear as though any food preparations had been started so she offered to make breakfast.

"I've actually got to get going. I put in my notice at work yesterday afternoon so I'll be training a new girl for the next few weeks." Alice was indeed dressed for work, but there was a little something missing from her usual appearance, and Bella quickly recognized that it was her smile.

Once they were alone Bella stepped behind Edward's chair and hugged his neck while giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"I missed you this morning." She told him.

"I couldn't sleep." Was the only explanation he offered before getting up to deposit his coffee mug in the sink. "I need to get home and take care of some work. It's pouring outside so we'll have to postpone the hike."

"Okay." She wasn't going to argue, and she was well aware that whatever had taken place in this room prior to her arrival hadn't been anything she'd want to be a part of. It was easy enough to dismiss his sullen attitude as a result.  
That is until today.  
He'd been moping around and not talking to her, except to say the shortest and most necessary phrases since then. She didn't get the impression that he was upset with _her_ exactly, but his continuous brooding behavior was finally starting to make her wonder. If he wasn't upset with her over something then why wasn't he able to talk to her about whatever was bothering him?

"Still not talking?" Alice had asked as soon as Bella walked through the front door. The little bell over the entrance had likely given away her arrival, but somehow she felt like her friend was probably waiting on her appearance.

She shook her head, not meaning to, but for some reason his lack of verbal communication seemed to be rubbing off on her.  
Alice took her cue and without a word she ushered her back out the door and down the street. Now seated at the booth they usually occupied over lunch, Edward's sister decided to share.

"Look, the other morning when you came into the kitchen, Edward and I had just had a bit of an argument. He was upset that I'd come to you and not him with the news first and he didn't appreciate being told in front of everyone, even though it was just us and Mom and Dad. I don't need to tell you how hard he's being on himself lately, trying to control his emotions and act as if he isn't freaking out on the inside."

"What did he say exactly?" Bella couldn't help but wonder.

She remembered the scene as if it had happened only a moment ago—Alice and Edward holding on to one another so lovingly, supporting each other. It had seemed at the time that it was gesture of acceptance and understanding. Now Bella was being told that they were arguing just a few hours later.

"I can't believe you wouldn't remember."

Bella was confused by the statement and Alice understood why. It was clear that Edward had shared everything he could with Bella. She knew about his problems and his fears and the type of struggle much of his life had been. Edward had opened up to Bella in ways that he'd never been able to with anyone else, including Alice. But what he couldn't do was recreate those moments he'd just as soon forget. He could describe them and he could try and recount the ways they had affected him, but he'd never be able to paint an accurate picture of just how traumatic some things had been.

"When he chose to move to Colorado after he'd finished with school, I threw a fit." Alice looked all kinds of guilty while admitting it. "I accused him of some pretty awful things, and pretty much pointed out all of his faults; I threatened to stop talking to him and even did for a while—like three whole weeks. I even refused to say goodbye when he left with the last of his things. It just pissed me off so bad that he was finally done with school and that he didn't have any obligations to keep him away anymore and here he was voluntarily leaving me again; for no other reason than to hide. And for what?"

Bella didn't know any of this from Alice's end because they would have only known one another for a few months at the time, and before it became any sort of ongoing issue she'd been able reconcile with her brother and beg his forgiveness. From Edward's perspective, recounting such a difficult time for him in such graphic terms would have been nearly impossible until very recently, and then it had seemed unimportant. Having told her that Alice reluctantly accepted his choice to move away and that she hadn't liked the idea of it initially seemed like enough at the time. Now hearing Alice's more involved version of the story made Bella wonder what else he might have overly censored from his past.  
But that was beside the point. She couldn't be upset with him for being upset about his sister moving away. She could however get a little put out by his refusal to talk about it and share with her his feelings—something that had become the very foundation of their relationship.

"What about that night? It seemed like you two were on the same page, with the hugs and everything. He even insisted that you go through with…everything, even the wedding."

"He thanked me for waiting; for waiting until he had you, and until he felt comfortable with Mom and Dad again. He thanked me for pushing him and he said thank you for believing in him. He told me the next morning that he'd wanted to skip the step involving any resentment, but he's still finding that part of it a little harder to deal with than he'd like."

"Resentment?" Bella's stomach felt like it had dropped fifty feet. A word like resentment had never seemed like it would apply where Edward was concerned, even during his most troublesome moments.

"He'll come around, just like I did." Alice tried to reassure. It was hard for her to know that she'd cause such a rift between Edward and Bella. She could understand her brother's feelings of disappointment and to some degree his chosen mode of coping. He'd always been one to shut down and stew over his worries, but now Bella was being made to suffer the consequences.  
"In the meantime, feel free to give him hell. Just because he's not happy with me at the moment doesn't mean he's allowed to ignore you and your needs."

Sitting outside in her truck for a few extra minutes, Bella tried to piece together everything she'd learned this afternoon. Edward was hurting, that much was obvious, and now she had some real ideas as to why. She was committed to helping him deal with this, but he needed to understand that she would require a little assistance from him if there was any hope for success.

With a deep breath Bella climbed out of her truck and walked the short distance from where she'd parked behind his old SUV. The scene she found behind the door when she'd made her way inside was not at all what she might have been hoping for and certainly not what she'd expected. Edward was sitting on the bench in front of his brand new piano, facing away from it. In one hand he clutched what Bella recognized as being the note she'd left behind, and in his other he held his head, his fingers fisting into his hair.

"Bella?" He gasped before she had a chance to speak or approach him. His voice was strained and there was a hint of panic mingling with the sound of her name.  
He rose from his seat with caution and she was quick to notice the way his hands had refocused their attention. Her letter moved back and forth between both, the alternating hand rubbing against his chest, to rid them of sweat or to sooth some pain within him, she couldn't be sure.

"Sweetheart…" she wanted to ask what was wrong or what had happened since she'd been gone, but he cut her off with a fierce hug and a string of apologies.

"Baby, I love you." The statement was said with such conviction that Bella was thrown by its meaning, though to anyone else it would have seemed obvious.  
Edward buried his face against her neck and held her as if his very survival depended on it. She returned his embrace, whispering affectionate words in an attempt to calm him.

"Edward?" She finally had the opportunity and strength to question his demeanor after a long moment and a heart wrenching shudder that shook them both.

He sighed heavily and swallowed down his nerves, striving for some measure of composure. He took a step back, keeping hold of her hands. He stared at the paper he still held and glanced up to see Bella's concern.

"I didn't mean to…I mean I know I've been sort of unreasonable these past few days, but…"  
He was struggling for words that Bella didn't need to hear. She never wanted an apology she just wanted him to talk to her. To focus his thoughts Bella reached over and took the rumpled letter from his grasp.

_Sweetheart,  
__I've gone out to get some lunch.  
Probably gonna meet up with Alice.  
__I'll be home soon.  
__Love you back,  
__Bella_

I took her only half a heartbeat to recognize her error, or brilliance, whichever way you'd want to look at it. The words were simple and ordinary—the type of note anyone might leave behind to let someone know of their plans. What she'd inadvertently managed to do however, was open Edward's eyes as his mother had suggested without even meaning to.

_Sweetheart_—it was a name that only she'd ever called him and one that made his heart beat faster whenever he'd hear it.

_Lunch_—she'd offered to make something for him but he'd refused, not even considering that perhaps she was hungry and would appreciate some company.

_Alice_—there was no need to rehash the kind of emotion her name would invoke for a long time coming.

_Home_—God bless her; she hadn't given up on the idea of sharing his home and that had meant the world to him, but not nearly as much as the hidden meaning in that last line.

"_Edward, as long as you love me, I promise to love you back."_

"You're too good to me, Baby." He moaned as her hand reached up to caress his cheek while looking into his troubled eyes.

"I love you, Edward and I'm not going to give up so easily. You have to talk when you're ready though, because I can't handle this silence. It's like_ I've_ done something."

"You did." Edward informed her. "You exist; and because of that I can no longer hide. I can't run away and I can't ignore the things I'd rather not deal with. Because of you I don't want to, but I still don't know how to be any other way sometimes."

"It's okay." Bella assured him. "What's not okay is avoiding me. I'd rather you cuss and rant and throw things any day as opposed to the silent treatment. At least then I'd know what's really going on in here." She punctuated her words by tapping lightly on his forehead.

"There's so much shit in there, Baby. I'd be ranting for a month if I were going to try and let it all out."

"No time like the present." She challenged.

"Let's go camping—tonight. There's still enough daylight left to get us to a decent spot and set up. I promise I'll talk the entire time, but I've gotta get outside and move around."

Bella's smile was a satisfied one. This was her Edward talking. He would likely struggle along the way but he had a new sense of determination about him suddenly. Bella had given him an open invitation to share his worries and concerns—to cuss and rant all he wanted. He seemed willing and Bella was more than ready to understand what exactly had been eating away at him for the past three days.

"Thought you'd never ask." Bella grinned.


	58. Chapter 58

A/N: Wrote this poor chapter six different ways before I finally decided it would do. Apologies for the wait.

Chapter 58

They had walked in a roundabout pattern for several hours this afternoon as Edward led Bella through the easiest route he could recall in order to get here. It wasn't that the spot he'd wanted to reach was really that far from the house, but Edward knew that he was in need of time. He needed time to think, and more importantly time to talk, which of course was the whole point of them wandering out into the woods in the first place. Nothing calmed him more effectively than a bit of fresh air and some room to roam about. And if he were to attempt any form of conversation that might include words other than _sorry_, _forgive me, _and perhaps some colorful variations of the word,_ idiot, _then he would certainly benefit from a few calming influences.  
Bella was ordinarily at the top of his most wanted list when he was in need of strength and support, but her place amongst his most recent set of mistakes had taken her availability away—at least in his mind. So he would have to make do with the next best thing and hope for the best. He'd kept his list of goals for the afternoon short and to the point as a result. The first thing he had wanted to accomplish was to find a way to apologize more precisely and somehow gain Bella's forgiveness for his unthinking behavior over the past few days. And secondly, he had hoped to convince himself that he could indeed handle this newest challenge in a more mature and efficient manner.

The forgiveness had come easily enough. Bella assured him right from the start that she didn't blame him for his reaction to the news that Alice was planning to move away. She was also very understanding, when it came to things he hadn't gotten around to discussing with her, thanks to his shyness and in some cases his own self-hatred. In fact, the only concern that Bella had voiced while following along behind him, careful to keep up and not stumble too often along the path he'd chosen, was that he would think her unable to handle whatever sort of burden he might wish to share with her.

"We're in this together, Sweetheart. Neither of us can protect the other from absolutely every hardship that might come our way, but we are much stronger and more capable of dealing with those problems when we can count on each other."  
Bella had grabbed a handful of his backpack with surprising force just before launching into her brief, yet affective opinion.

Edward had been _communicating_ more since he'd apologized initially, but he had yet to speak about what had really been bothering him. When he had turned to her he could suddenly see something in her expression that shook him. There was determination in her eyes, but also something more, something that worried him. Behind the love and support he could see in those beautiful brown eyes, his recognized another emotion, though he'd never seen Bella look at him that way.  
Frustration had finally blurred the edges of her resolve.

Earlier he'd experienced a jolt to his heart when he'd come downstairs to find the note she'd left behind. He knew that he had shut down and fallen into many of his old habits—habits he'd been working so hard to break. He also knew that Bella must be worried about him. He could see that his inability to talk about Alice and his feelings had begun to affect _their_ interactions, but he'd been stubbornly unwilling, or unable to pull himself together before then. It was the note that had finally made him snap out of it. The idea that she'd finally given up, that she'd finally decided it was too much, had managed to startle him back into reality.  
And just like the note, her expression when he'd turned to face her had reminded him that there were some very important things to say. With that realization he'd finally started talking, and he didn't stop until they'd reach what would be their home for the night. There wasn't so much in the way of cussing or ranting, though she had encouraged him to use whatever means he thought necessary. What he did manage to do was ramble uncontrollably about fear and failure for the duration of their hike.

"There's a lot about me that I don't like. I've become extremely aware of just how selfish I am over the past few weeks…and days. And even when I try not to give in and act like it's all about me, I always seem to hurt someone else in favor of protecting myself." He had finally concluded, his voice barely above a whisper, his own feelings of frustration reaching an inevitable peak.

Bella hated how the weight of what he was saying literally made Edward's shoulders sag. Such a bright and physically powerful individual shouldn't be so crippled by self-loathing and this type of mental anguish. It was painful to witness. So painful in fact that she didn't realize right off that they had reached their destination or that she should be impressed by their surroundings.

The clearing he'd located wasn't as large or inviting as the meadow, but it would certainly serve the purpose for one night of camping. It offered a substantial area of even ground and was open enough to allow the sun, and later the moonlight through, helping to illuminate their surroundings. And most importantly, it seemed safe. They were isolated here and able to speak freely—be themselves.  
When Edward had seen this particular spot on one of his previous explorations of the property, he'd thought it the one place he might consider clearing more thoroughly in the future—perhaps hoping to duplicate the beauty of his meadow a little closer to his new home. For now though, it was the perfect place for he and Bella to stay the night and spend some time relearning how to be with one another.

"It's human nature to think about yourself."

"But you don't. You are constantly looking for ways to make other people happy, to conform to whatever will please someone else."

"That doesn't mean I don't look out for my own interests."

Bella sighed and took it upon herself to remove first her own and then Edward's backpack, setting them aside before taking hold of one of his large, cool hands with both of hers. She'd noticed that he seemed to be at an end. He was neither leading the way nor saying anything else for the moment, so it had become her turn to dictate how this was going to go for a few minutes. Her options were limited, but if she wanted him to be honest she knew that all she could offer him in return was the same.

"There was a time Edward, when I wanted everything. I dreamed of meeting someone special, of having a boyfriend and eventually getting married. I thought of children and how happy I would be with a bunch of people in my life. I even imagined it would be fun to travel and see the world, to write a novel and become a famous, high-profile author. There was a time when I thought myself capable of just about anything. But things changed.  
"After…James, I had to think in different terms in order to save myself from the fear and worry. I altered my life and my desires to help _me_.  
"It might seem as though I try to constantly please everyone else in my life, but I do it because it makes my day to day existence easier."  
Bella assessed Edward's response briefly before adding, "You're changing my outlook again, you know. When I met you and I realized just how much I enjoyed having you be a part of my life, those old hopes and dreams started to resurface.  
"Things have fallen into place nicely, but I was more than willing to make a bunch of decisions to benefit only myself…so long as _you_ were willing, of course."

Despite his many faults Edward was a smart man and if nothing else he knew a few things for sure by now. He knew that it was nearly impossible to pinpoint the precise moment when sunrise turns the darkness into light. And likewise it was just as difficult to know for sure when attraction or desire becomes something more—to know when it turns into love.  
For Edward, neither situation was anything he'd ever taken the time, nor had any reason to contemplate until recently; and as of now it was clear that it was never about a particular moment anyway, but more about the overall outcome instead. He could tell for sure the difference between light and dark, just like he could tell the difference between love and anything else. The exact moment that things tend to change didn't really matter. It wasn't something that needed to be analyzed, just accepted.

With that in mind, he could easily say that he'd fallen in love with Bella the minute he's laid eyes on her; or perhaps he would prefer to recognize any one of the many conversations he'd had with Alice, which had allowed him to see the type of person she was before he'd ever found the courage to speak to her himself as being the moment when he'd really fallen. Then of course there were the early conversations they had shared; the shy smiles and little gestures that indicated some type of kinship apart from everyone else, and an understanding that went beyond expectation. All of these things had convinced him that he felt more strongly about Bella than he ever had for anyone else. But in truth he couldn't identify a specific time when those early feelings had started to grow into something more. He didn't know exactly when it had happened, but it had. And just like the sunrise, the moment it had taken place was not the point. What he would do now that he'd been made aware was all that really mattered.

He'd wasted enough time thinking of himself. His entire life had been spent protecting his fragile self-esteem and an irrational fear of the unknown. And even now since his world had begun to turn in a whole new direction he was still straddling a line that had no need to exist in the first place.  
Alice's decision to follow Jasper wherever his life might lead them should have been a wake-up call, an example he should strive to follow. Instead he'd chosen to focus solely on himself and how it might affect him negatively, how her absence might limit his happiness. But now, having been made aware of what a hard thing it is to see someone you love suffer, and that it's a harder thing still to know that your behavior is at the very root of their pain, Edward was on a mission to set things right.  
The very last thing he would ever want to do is hurt Bella, but somehow he'd always felt as though it would be inevitable in one form or another.  
From the moment they'd met he'd always felt so inadequate, so unprepared for the feelings her presence would invoke. Early on he had been unable fathom a scenario where he would ever be able to please her and that had terrified him, causing him to error on the side of caution. It was only as their relationship blossomed and their time together became more comfortable that Edward had somehow forgotten just how intense those initial concerns had once been; and it was without a doubt his complacency that had led them here.  
They were in the woods, having a discussion about fear and worry and those personality traits that made them who they truly were. But they were also at a crossroads within their relationship. This was a defining moment for them, more so than their first kiss or their first spoken I love you; this was the moment when they would commit to honesty at all costs.

Edward was convinced that he was in love with Bella almost from the start, but today it had become clear to him that he'd never loved her like this before. He was only human, and a flawed individual at that, but Bella continually chose to see beyond his fallible nature—something he would never asked of her, but that he was grateful for all the same. She was good and pure and so much better at everything he wanted to excel at. It made him feel terribly undeserving of her patience. Still he was determined to do what he could to show her the depth of his devotion. He would make mistakes, but he would always be willing to learn.

He had already shared with Bella his darkest secrets, everything that had ever embarrassed him and that he'd never felt capable of sharing with anyone else. He felt more of a connection with her than anyone, including his family, and yet he recognized that he'd still been unable to confide in her what he'd always despised most about himself. His fears and flaws were difficult to accept but what Edward was most reluctant to admit was that he believed, at his very core, he was not a good person. He was selfish, and uncompromising in that fact. He did not properly appreciate what others were willing to sacrifice on his behalf, and when faced with anything of an unknown nature he was still prone to hiding rather than admitting the difficulties he faced and asking for help. Even with his progress and growth since meeting her it was clear to him that he had not yet reached his potential; and it was directly related to his stubborn refusal to acknowledge this most deplorable attribute. In his mind, he was a coward on many different levels, all of which he found unacceptable.

"Bella, saying I'm sorry isn't enough to erase my stupidity—I know you don't like for me to say such words anyway."  
Edward scratched at the back of his head while looking down at his feet. Saying the words that would properly convey his remorse for the way he'd behaved and the unthinking neglect he'd allowed to happen would be impossible. There were no words capable of defining how awful he felt or how sorry he was. What he needed instead were words that would explain why he'd fallen into such a situation in the first place.

Her hands had tightened their hold on his as he thought of the right way to say what he truly felt.

"Baby, I'm so…scared," It was a quiet confession, "scared of…everything."

He held her stare as the guilt overwhelmed his senses. He didn't deserve her pity and yet he was selfishly appreciative of it. He was weak and ashamed, but dying for her acceptance.

"I wanted…I _want_ to be supportive of Jasper and Alice. I want to be there for you, and Mom and Dad. I want to say that everything will be okay, and actually do something to make sure that it will be; but at the same time I can't seem to stop thinking about myself—how this is going to affect me. How much I don't want it to affect me."

Bella had slowly led him over to a fallen tree that was nearby and encouraged him to sit. She never let go of his hand and she kept her opinions silent as he figured out how to say what he needed to.

"I don't know how to do any of this on my own. I don't know how to deal with Alice being gone, and because of that I don't know how to help anyone else." He sighed heavily and with genuine sadness in his voice he admitted, "and so far all I've done is make a bigger mess of things than it needed to be."

A long minute went by where he didn't say anything else. Bella let a single finger trace along the outline of his jaw, enjoying the feel of his scratchy beard before she asked the one question she really wanted an answer to.

"What is it you're really afraid of?"

"Losing you." He didn't have to think about his answer and he didn't hesitate to tell the truth.

"And what makes you think I'm in a hurry to go someplace?"

"I'm weak and I'm selfish, and I can't even seem to notice how horrible I'm being once my fears get hold of me. I wouldn't want to put up with me if I were you."

"Well, it's a good thing I'm not you then."

"I love you more than anything and yet I can't keep myself from hurting you. It's never my intention, but you still deserve better than that."

"Promise me something, Edward." She waited for his eyes to look up. "When you are afraid I want you to come to me. I don't think of you as weak, and there's nothing about the way you are feeling that you should be ashamed of. The only thing I need is for you to trust in how much I love you."

Edward found it funny how his impaired vision didn't necessarily keep his eyes from working better than average in certain situations. Like now; there hadn't been enough time to procure any dry firewood, thanks to the unexpectedness of their hike and the pouring rains that had postponed this venture in the first place a few days before. It didn't matter though. The moon was full and bright this evening, and Edward had had the presence of mind, despite his earlier depression, to bring along every other thing they might have needed—a lantern included.  
They'd opted to turn that off however, once they were settled and enjoying the peace of this place he had chosen. Still, he could see Bella lying there beside him as easily as if they were indoors.  
The moonlight did wonderful things to the look of her skin and her hair. Her eyes even seemed to reflect the stars shining up above.

"Are you sleepy?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to go inside?"

He could feel her head moving against his chest in a negative response.

"It's beautiful here." She quietly mentioned a moment later and he hummed in agreement.

Edward had bared his soul this afternoon. It was hard to let her see his weaknesses and how troubled his thoughts still remained, even after all he'd already overcome. Bella had voiced her concerns and asked for his candor, which he'd freely given without argument. He'd explained how he felt when Alice had announced her intentions—how it had felt to look at Jasper as a friend and also the reason for his sister wanting to leave. He even tried to recap how he'd slipped into such a state that he was unable to respond to anything other than his own disappointment, and how disturbing that reality had been for him. She had listened without judgment and commented on her own feeling. And after all was said and done they were once again on even ground.

There had been a long time where words were no longer necessary. They'd prepared their campsite and shared the kind of silent communication they had mastered over the weeks as they'd come to love one another. And later they'd held one another, kissing from time to time and staring longingly into the other's eyes.  
There was no need for anything else. Further promises were unimportant and sex could wait. This was more about acceptance and understanding; more about reaching a place where they were in agreement about_ everything_—their future, their past, what they expected from each other.

"I wonder what it would have been like if I'd met you sooner, if I had met you when Alice did. Would we already mean more to each other if we had?"

"I would have been enamored with my best friend's older brother and you would have been accused of robbing the cradle."

"You would have considered me a freak and I would have been terrified of being in the same room with you, more than likely." He corrected with a chuckle that was actually filled with genuine humor.

"Maybe me being enamored and you being terrified _is_ the most accurate theory." She agreed easily with a little laugh of her own, hugging him to her a bit more thoroughly as she did.

"I imagine it would have had the same outcome…eventually." Edward kissed the top of her head and let his hand gently caress the length of her back.

It was a wonderful thought—the idea that no matter the time or place, they belonged together and somehow things would always work out in the end.

"I'd like to think so."

Bella had sighed then and Edward could feel her body resting heavily against him. He knew that she was exhausted. He hadn't been sleeping well, thanks to his preoccupation with the previous issues at hand, and it was suddenly obvious that Bella hadn't been either.  
His confidence had been all but shattered over the past few days, but with her help he was on the mend and it was past time for him to start taking better care of her.

"Come on, Baby." He encouraged, sitting up, bringing her with him.

For the first time in three days, Edward managed to sleep soundly through the night. He still had plenty on his mind, but since Alice had decided to follow Jasper halfway around the world Edward hadn't had any sort of hopeful outlook on the future, until today. When he awoke to the aroma of brewing coffee he saw that she was there beside him, watching over him with a lazy smile, and he remembered why. She was everything to him, and she'd proven it time and time again. She didn't have to love him so unconditionally, but by some miracle she did.

"Have you been up long?"

"Long enough to decide that you are the most beautiful man on the planet." She grinned.

He rolled his eyes and grumbled about her being absurd, but she was persistent. He knew that it was all in an effort to keep him talking. His tone was deep and gruff sounding thanks to that marathon of a monologue he'd committed to the day before and he could see her literally shivering with pleasure at the sound of his voice. Her enjoyment made him grin as well. How he'd gotten so lucky he'd never understand, but he was determined to never take her presence for granted ever again.

"It's barely sunrise. Would you like to sleep a little longer?" She'd offered after his fifth yawn of the morning, her hand finding its way into his hair.

The mention of sunrise reminded him of an earlier thought and Edward was suddenly motivated to address that which he was unable to speak of the day before.

"I'm sorry, Bella, for my recent behavior. I know that another apology isn't something you want to hear," he added quickly when he felt her fingers hesitate against his scalp, "but it makes me feel better sometimes to say it."

Bella nodded her consent and acceptance. Edward always had a way of making sense even when she didn't want him to, and she loved him for it.

"It's just so easy to be with you I forget sometimes that I don't always know what I'm doing."

Yesterday he'd been careful to stay away from words that would make it seem as though _he_ was suffering for the pain he'd unwittingly caused her as they'd spoken about the real source of their current troubles. He'd admitted his fears and he'd confessed to selfish feelings. They'd talked about forgiveness and a need to be supportive, but this morning he was ready to tell her exactly what he had learned from all this. He may have gotten sidetracked, but he was headed towards some very real commitments before his stupidity had made itself known.

Reaching up to find the little hand she still caressed his hair with, Edward smiled his half smile without even meaning to.  
She was beautiful and brilliant and she'd already been up long enough this morning to start the coffee without his help. It proved that she was a fast learner and he was determined to show her that so was he.

"I'm not perfect, Baby. With all that I've learned, and with all that you've taught me recently I've still got a long way to go before I figure out how to be…_good_ for you. It's really hard for my brain to admit that I don't understand sometimes. And it's hard to ask for help."

Edward kissed the back of Bella's fingers as he hesitated over the next words he wished to say. He didn't know if it was the right time or place or if Bella would expect more from him. But if the past three days, let alone the one prior, had taught him anything it was that she loved him unconditionally, just the same as he loved her.

"Bella, I'm going to make mistakes and I can't guarantee that one day I won't really screw things up—disappoint you in a way that can't be fixed so easily. I'm literally terrified of hurting you, but I am a selfish man. I want what we have together and I can't see myself surviving any part of my life now without you in it."

He had propped himself up until he was sitting across from her, still holding on to her fingers, toying with them nervously.

"I decided a while ago that I wanted to do this, and last night it was all I could do to avoid the words. It didn't seem like the right time though…I'm not even sure that now is, but I'm tired of waiting…I need to know."

In a motion that was faster than Bella felt sure she'd ever be capable of, Edward had shifted his position so that he was now kneeling before her. His left hand still held hers tightly against his chest now, as his right reached out to trace the delicate curve of her cheek.

"Will you marry me, Bella?" He stuttered slightly after a brief moment, his voice rasping heavier than when he'd first awakened.

The moment was just long enough for tears to being blurring his vision beyond his normal impairment, but Bella didn't make him guess at what her answer would be for very long. Clutching his hand for support, in more ways than one, she crawled to her knees as well and touched the side of his face.

"Edward," she whispered softly, reverently.  
The simple word she wished to tell him was harder than she would have imagined it could be to say, thanks to all of the emotion blocking her throat suddenly. She ended up nodding her head instead as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face against him.

There was no need to consider any other way he might have asked. Bella never expected a lavish proposal. She didn't need a romantic dinner, an exotic trip, or some elaborate gesture to set the stage for the rest of her life. It wasn't her. And it certainly wasn't Edward. What he had managed to do however was catch her off guard, making it every bit the unexpected surprise she'd been hoping for. In her mind there was nothing that would have topped the genuine emotion she could hear in his voice or the heartfelt words he had chosen to precede his request.

Bella hadn't known what to expect when they'd set out from the house yesterday. She'd hoped for some understanding, but she never would have expected the outpouring of information that Edward had been holding back. He'd gone on in fast paced, rambling sentences for what seemed like hours once she'd breeched his outer defense and got him to talk in the first place. Though he spoke of weakness and a lifelong reluctance to go against his own wishes, Bella was proud of his honesty. It took a lot to open up the way he did and though he would deny it, it was proof of his bravery and hidden abilities he'd never sought to tap in to.  
She'd known on some level that he could do it. If given the opportunity and a bit of encouragement Edward was capable of anything. What she hadn't seen coming was the amount of pain he still carried inside.

"I don't know any other way that I can assure you beyond offering my love. You already have my heart and I prefer it that way. If you ever decide that it's not enough it will still be yours; I'd really have no use for it anymore if you were to give up on us." She'd admitted when his self-deprecating remarks had started to question his right to happiness.

By nightfall Edward had purged just about everything he could and Bella had offered all of the love and support she had promised him. He seemed better for having talked his way through things and he appeared _calm _for the first time in days. She was encouraged by their late night chat out under the stars as well. Edward spoke of happy things and what ifs that were pleasant to consider. She had no way of knowing that he had been looking for the very best way he might share with her what he had now deemed entirely necessary.

"Yes?" He begged her to confirm, but words still failed. All she could say was, "Edward," and somehow that was enough.

He kissed her tenderly as if she were breakable despite the firm hold she had on him that would suggest otherwise. When he pulled away, he fumbled for a moment through the outer pocket of his nearby backpack, which had been shoved into the corner of their tent.

"Maybe if I'd actually planned on this or managed to think about the right way to ask you I would have had this ready."

He had produced a small velvet pouch from inside one of the many compartments of the pack and she watched as he turned out a delicate ring into the palm of his waiting hand.

"This belonged to my grandmother." He explained. "She died a few years before my grandpa did, and he'd apparently taken to keeping this in the cabin. When I found it after I'd moved there, I asked Dad what I should do with it. He just laughed and told me to hang onto it. Said, perhaps I might have a good use for it one day."

Bella was still at a loss for words as she watched Edward examine the ring, her emotions beginning to get carried away once more.

"I thought that maybe I would have the diamond reset…maybe ask Alice's opinion of a design…something more modern…"

He glanced up at Bella and shrugged slightly from the discomfort of trying to explain.

"I wish that I could…"

A tear finally escaped from his right eye and Bella melted into him.

"It's perfect," she insisted, "and I would be honored to wear it."

Eventually the world faded away as they kissed and cuddle and laughed. Edward was the first to doze off again a few hours later and Bella was happy to see that he could sleep, now that most of his worries had subsided. They weren't going to be able to forget how difficult the last few days had been any time soon, but they had proven once again that their love was strong enough to overcome whatever life might send their way.  
However shy, or weak, or unconfident Edward might seem to anyone else, in Bella's eyes he was perfection. Despite his mistakes he was man enough to admit that he wasn't right and he was brave enough to talk about it, honest enough to share with her his feelings. Life with Edward wouldn't be smooth sailing every day of the week, but she was happy to know that they'd be on that ship together—forever it would seem.

"You _are_ the most beautiful man on the planet." She whispered while placing a hand over his heart.


	59. Chapter 59

A/N: Happy belated Christmas to everyone! I had originally planned to have this up before the holiday, but you know how that goes. Anyway hope you enjoy.

Chapter 59

Edward knew that Bella would want to wash his sweatshirt when they got back to the house today; however he'd recently decided that he wasn't going to let her—at least for a little while.  
When he'd taken his hoodie off last night before snuggling down beside her she'd immediately claimed it for herself, balling it up into a pillow. As he sat watching her now, her hair splayed out over her arms and his shirt still bundled up under her head, her face buried in the fabric, he knew that he'd be hard pressed to take that shirt off for several days to come; her wonderful scent combining with his would no doubt linger for quite a while. He smiled happily knowing that he could stay here for hours just watching her, but he had awakened with another purpose, and he wasn't prepared to put it off any longer.

Though Bella had seemingly fallen into a heavy slumber this time around, which meant that there was little danger of disturbing her, Edward still attempted to move carefully and quietly as he gathered up his things. He wanted to have this little chore done and over with as soon as possible, and he knew that if Bella were to wake he'd end up getting sidetracked, just like the last three times it had happened over the course of their morning.

Quickly checking his pockets for his phone and reaching over to grab his other jacket, Edward carefully unzipped the front flap of their tent and hoped that the lingering chill might somehow calm his heated thoughts. He was certain that he'd be tempted to wake his fiancée if he had few more moments to think on it and they'd end up consummating their engagement once again; but that would only serve to push this goal of his further away and frustrate him in the end. That in mind, he climbed through the small opening he'd allowed and took a deep, cleansing breath to halt whatever influence his thoughts had started to have over his body.

Fortunately it was turning into a beautiful day despite the morning's usual dampness and a gathering bank of clouds that Edward was convinced would do nothing but keep the sun hidden for a few hours with no real threat of rain. Having another look around the little clearing where he and Bella had stopped to stay the night, he let his eyes adjust to the unfiltered daylight. This place had always held a certain amount of potential in his opinion, but it seemed even nicer now, knowing that he would always remember it as the place where they'd officially decided on forever.

With plans brewing in his head for how he might improve his immediate surroundings in the future threatening to distract him from his purpose, he wandered over to the fallen tree where they had sat talking the day before. He didn't want to wake Bella unnecessarily, but he also didn't want to move too far away and risk her concern, should she awaken on her own to find him missing. He knew better, having allowed his preoccupation with certain personal worries to take his focus from her and her needs lately; and he wasn't prepared to let that little mistake happen again. Her safety and comfort were always important to him and he didn't want her having to question his commitment to either if he could help it.

Shaking his head slightly at the sudden replay of certain events that had led them here, Edward powered up his phone and opened his short list of contacts.  
It was earlier this morning, once enough time and the initial emotions had passed, that Edward had begun to wonder about how his proposal and Bella's acceptance would be perceived by everyone else; in all honesty he was so elated by the knowledge that he got to be with her forever, that she wanted to be with him, that he didn't necessarily care. They'd deal with everything this newest development meant for their future together. But first, he knew that he had to speak with Alice.  
Over the years there had been other misunderstandings and tense moments that they had been made to deal with, but Edward was really beating himself up over this one. He'd gained a much better understanding of love and the emotions that invariably went along with such an intense feeling recently and he knew that Alice, though she would unconditionally offer her forgiveness as always, deserved an apology.

"I'm an idiot,"

"Yes."

"A fool,"

"Keep going."

"A moron,"

"Mmhmm"

"Jackass."

"Indeed."

"Do I have to say more?"

"It might help your case."

Edward knew that he must look like a fool, grinning the way he was as he and Alice went back and forth with insults and encouragement, but he also knew the only person that might see him out here was Bella. And sure enough when he'd heard a quiet rustling across the way and looked up, he noticed that Bella was making her way out of the tent and that she'd obviously been watching him long enough to understand what was going on.  
She had chosen to put on his sweatshirt instead of one of her own, and he had to smile at how huge it was on her little frame. Giving her an amused wink he decided to let his filter fail, unleashing an onslaught of colorful negativity for Alice's entertainment.

"Fine. I'm an evil, self-centered, compassionless, piece of shit; a miserable son of a bitch, and a sorry-assed bastard of a brother."

"Aww, I knew my Bubby loved me." Alice had finally giggled; her amusement was quite obvious despite playing along with his little game for as long as she did.

"Fuck off." Edward had teasingly grumbled through his own chuckles.

"I'm telling Mom and Dad."

"What? That I said fuck off?"  
He was hard-pressed to keep his laughter in check, especially seeing Bella slap a hand over her mouth to stifle her own bout of giggles and the reddening of her face that had resulted from her silent struggle. She wasn't disturbed by Edward's language in the slightest, though he generally sought to censor himself in her presence when he could—out of respect, he'd explained on occasion. And there was no way she could hear what was being said on the other end of this conversation, but watching the play of emotions that had passed over Edward's face had promised that all of this was in jest—nothing more than two siblings giving each other hell over a situation that never required an apology in the first place. She was so happy to know that Edward was able to playfully converse with Alice again and that he was obviously enjoying himself that she was unable to keep her joyfulness hidden.

"No, that you called Mom and bitch and then insinuated that you were born out of wedlock. Really Edward, I would think a genius should know the definition of a word like bastard."

"Ally," he whined, "you know I didn't mean _that_." He was giggling uncontrollably now despite the pitiful tone he'd managed to employ.

"And furthermore, I am appalled that you would kiss my best friend with that mouth."  
And with that his laughter finally left him at full volume. It managed to startle Bella, who had just come to sit beside him and it frightened away a group of birds perched in a nearby tree.  
She really wanted to know what had pulled such a response from him, but she wasn't so sure that was a good idea once she heard his next retort.

"Frequently and thoroughly, if you must know." He divulged with a cocky smirk which only she could see.

"Bleh! Not funny, Edward. I'm going to have to find the bleach now, so that I can scrub _that_ image out of my brain."

Eventually and with some effort the laughter began to die down. It was after Bella had taken hold of Edward's free hand and when Alice had decided that it would benefit everyone to take two seconds to be serious before moving on from this topic.

"Edward, you don't have to apologize to me, and none of what you said before was necessary either—funny, but not necessary. You don't even really need to be okay with this. All I ever wanted was for you to see that this is something I _have_ to do. There's really no other option for me. My only hope was that you would understand."

"I do. Probably more than you know." Edward confessed while adjusting his hold on Bella's hand. If it were he and Bella in their position there would certainly be no other choice. "There really is no other option, and I get that—always did, but it still scared the hell out of me."  
As Alice's tone turned more serious so did Edward's. Despite their mutual desire to have this situation behind them, there were things that needed saying.

"But Bubby, you've got Bella to take care of you now."

"I know that too, but I'm an idiot remember…jackass, moron…"

"Don't forget sorry-assed bastard of a brother." Alice's delighted laughter was wonderful to hear and Edward's heart seemed to lighten—as if it could really get much lighter than it was already.

"Yes, wouldn't want to forget that one." He grinned, feeling Bella lean against his shoulder.

"Why aren't you here? I'd really love a great big Edward hug right about now."

"Do you want me to be? I'll come right over."

Alice was already about to jump up and down and possibly burst into song at any moment, but she was working really hard to contain her joy since she wasn't alone enough for all of that right now.

"I'm not home actually. I'm over at Mom and Dad's."

"Even better." He promised immediately, "You think you'll be there a while?"  
"Umm, sure?" Alice was a tad confused by Edward's sudden need to come to her. She would love to see him and give him that hug she'd wanted, but in truth she'd not expected him to drop everything and track her down. It was just a way of telling him she loved him and she was happy that they were talking again, that she wanted to share some tangible sign of her forgiveness and understanding.

"We'll be over soon then."

"We will be?" Bella questioned as soon as Edward ended the call. They'd talked briefly about how they should go about divulging this most recent development in their relationship, however as yet they hadn't come up with a solid plan; but with this unforeseen opportunity falling into Edward's lap it would seem as though he'd made a decision.

"Is it alright with you?" Edward was suddenly concerned that he may have spoken too soon. Bella had certainly seemed eager to speak with his family, as well as her own, when they'd been discussing possibilities, but he'd been so excited by Alice's easily given forgiveness that he'd temporarily forgotten to ask her opinion.

"We're going to have to talk to everyone, tell them I've royally screwed up the order of things." He sympathetically pointed out, placing the blame for having to explain anything squarely upon himself.  
They'd spent most of the morning alternating between sleeping and cuddling—sometimes sleeping while cuddling; and sometimes those cuddles had turned into something decidedly more intense. Thanks to the events of earlier today they were in no hurry, and only of a mind to head back to the house today at all because they'd failed to bring enough food along to extend their stay. Still Bella understood Edward's eagerness to speak with his family. Her only concern was that he might insist that it was his fault should any discomfort come their way as a result of the surprise their engagement would likely be.

"There's no such thing as an _order_, Sweetheart." She'd chuckled, hoping to make light of the situation, but he remained persistent.

"Baby, I've barely gotten your father's blessing for you to move in with me, and now I've jumped to a whole other level of commitment without so much as even hinting that I might want to marry you someday."

He sounded a little exasperated, but his enthusiastic tone and confident posture corrected that assumption. He wasn't frustrated by his realization so much as he was motivated to do something about it.

"He knows, Edward. Everyone knows. There's no way they couldn't know."

Watching as a blush spread across his cheeks, Bella laughed merrily at the appearance of his boyishly, bashful smile. Prone as he still may be to these types of engrained reactions, Edward never hesitated to adjust his features after appreciating her laughter, giving her a mischievous little grin that made her quiver. His hands reached to gently cup either side of her face, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. The intensity of his gaze was at odds with that playful smile, but his words spoke of desire and a longing that made her understand.

"Do you think he has any idea how much I _want_ you?"

She wasn't able to provide an answer as his lips silenced anything she might wish to say, but had she been able to speak she would have said yes. Edward wore his heart on his sleeve and he looked at her like a man in love. But that didn't matter. His love for her was as genuine as it was intense and no one could deny that his feelings were returned. Whatever type of reaction their families might have to their abbreviated courtship and their desire to be married so soon, they could never say that these two were anything less than perfect for one another.

The trip back to the house was shorter and decidedly more jubilant than the one that had led them away from here. Though Edward had been desperate to put as much distance between he and Bella and anything that might remind him of the mistakes he'd allowed over the previous days, he was undeniably glad to be back and anxious to start moving forward. In fact he didn't want to waste a minute. He'd barely dropped their supplies by the back door and given Bella a smoldering kiss for luck before grabbing his keys, as if he meant for them to jump in the car and be on their way.  
He had allowed her just under ten minutes, once she'd laughingly protested that her appearance needed some work before she could comfortably face his family—but that was only after he had boldly indicated just how beautiful he found her, with several well placed kisses and a pair of wandering hands. Eventually he'd relented so that they could both wash up and change clothes, understanding that the sooner this task could be completed the sooner he could have her back here and all to himself once again. And of course, knowing better than to fuel his temptation, Edward had opted to avoid the bathroom altogether while she was in there—changing his clothes in the bedroom and washing his face and hands in the kitchen sink instead.

Bella smiled approvingly when she'd come to join him a short time later and noticed that he was still in shorts, as he'd been wearing for the past few days, instead of jeans.  
He'd never said anything on the subject, but although he was perfectly comfortable with her seeing his scars he obviously made an effort to cover them whenever he was around Alice or his mother. The one time she'd been with he and Alice, the night his sister had walked in to find him shirtless and about to kiss her, she'd noticed the way her eyes would often stray towards the marks covering much of his shoulder. She never said anything and she'd kept her reaction neutral, in favor of teasing them over their relationship instead, but Bella knew that Edward would notice her preoccupation and worry that Alice might be uncomfortable with such a brutal reminder of his personality on display.

"Do I look okay?" he'd playfully inquired, when he noticed her giving him a once over.

"Let's make this quick." She winked. Seeing any amount of his confidence always made her hot for him, so her response was honest yet convenient.

Bella's hands were so tiny and drastically different from his own that Edward often found himself mesmerized by the sensation of holding on to hers, and today was no exception. Her little hands were soft and warm while his were rough and cold; hers were generally steady while his wanted to tremble and fidget. To combat those restless urges his fingertips would often caress the inside of her wrist, or his thumb might circle its way across her palm. Bella had shared with him, late one night as they'd lain in bed holding hands, how much she liked his habit of touching her—turning the simple idea of holding one's hand into an activity rather than a passive state.

With one hand on the steering wheel and the fingers of his other laced with hers as they rested on the console between them Edward sighed in a sound of quiet contentment. Several weeks ago at the start of this journey he'd been a mess of nerves and emotion, and hell bent on detaching himself from any and everything that might trigger his discomfort. Now he wanted to welcome the challenges he might face, and he was eager to overcome the things that had always limited his happiness and success—if it meant that he got to have her he'd be willing to suffer through just about anything.

He let his thumb move back and forth along the length of hers and smiled hearing her little hum of approval. Bella had changed just about everything about the way he thought and she'd given him the strength to express his feelings. Glancing down at their hands he looked at the ring he had placed on her finger only a few hours ago and felt his mouth shift into a lopsided grin.

"I like the way this looks on you." He mentioned letting his fingers loosen their hold and gently caress the golden band.

And with that, Bella had realized that they were turning off of the highway and on to the Cullen's drive. If his tender words hadn't made her stomach flip, the thought of what they were about to do was right there to take the blame.

"You don't suppose your dad will mind?"

"Perhaps that I'm the one who gets to marry you; but not about the ring." Edward chuckled at the sudden appearance of her cold feet.  
Just a short while ago she was the one trying to calm his nerves and now here she was worried that Carlisle might be upset by his decision to use his mother's ring as a symbol of their commitment. This girl obviously had no idea the level of respect and admiration his father held for her.

And indeed a short time later she got to see for herself just how much Carlisle approved. He couldn't seem to control his smile no matter how hard he might try.

It was just a few weeks ago that a similar scene had played out in his living room with a decidedly different result, but today there was nothing short of happiness and excitement to be had.

Edward had knocked on the door a few moments ago before letting himself in. Carlisle, who was seated on the sofa with a cup of coffee and his morning newspaper, despite the early afternoon hour, had glanced up to see his son walk in with Bella by his side, their hands firmly clasped together and a brilliant smile lighting up his every feature. He'd already been privy to the comical phone conversation that had occurred between his two children a short while ago, so Carlisle knew that Edward would be over today and would likely be in good spirits; he had no idea however just how good those spirits could be.

"Hey there." He'd enthused with a playful little wink in Bella's direction, setting his paper aside. "What are you kids up to today?"

"We umm…wanted to talk to you and Mom for a minute, if you've got time that is. And Alice is still here, right?"

Carlisle started to chuckle slightly, reliving in his mind the way this sort of conversation had gone so horribly wrong a few weeks ago. He knew better than to say certain things this time around, especially with Bella present, but he still couldn't help the amusement that wanted to surface.

Bella was dressed as he'd come to expect, in a pair of jeans and a light sweater, her sleeves pushed up to her elbows; her hair pulled up into a high ponytail. Her appearance was ordinary enough and nothing that Carlisle would necessarily notice, except for the fact that today she was practically _glowing_. And likewise, Edward was dressing in what Alice would dub, his, _Edward uniform_. There was one slight difference however that his father had to make note of, other than the giddy little grin plastered across his face. It was the fact that he had on shorts rather than jeans.  
It was plenty warm enough today, considering that Edward had become so accustomed to a much colder climate over the years. But what made this little adjustment noticeable was that Carlisle knew Edward was never really comfortable being around his mother with his scars on display. Either he was really coming around in terms of his shyness, or whatever else was on his mind outweighed his anxiety to such a degree that he didn't necessarily notice what he'd done in choosing his attire.

"I suppose we could make some time." He nodded while getting to his feet. "I do need my hugs first."

Moving easily into his open arms Bella gave Edward's father her usual hug and added a light kiss to his cheek. Carlisle loved that Bella was okay treating him with such affection and had hoped on many occasions that their easy, playful relationship would allow her to one day consider the possibility of letting other worthy men into her life. He was never more pleased to know that Edward had become one such man when she'd stretched to her tiptoes and whispered in his ear, "You're son is the most amazing man ever. And I love him very much." When they'd loosened the embrace he smiled at her in appreciation and laughed out loud when she added, "You'll always be the hottest old dude though."

"I suppose I can live with that." He grinned, before moving away, presumably to fetch Esme and the others.  
He had it on good authority, thanks in no small part to that hug and the words Bella had shared that whatever these two wanted to talk about today was something of great importance. Before he could take another step however, Edward had confirmed his suspicion in no uncertain terms.

"Dad?"

Edward shared a glace with Bella briefly and cleared his throat. His expression was every bit as happy as it had been since the moment he'd seen them walk into the room, but with a mild hint of reservation creeping into his tone and a slight blush coloring his cheeks.  
His son may be the one with a genius level IQ but Carlisle Cullen was a smart man in his own right. Whatever might have two young people looking so happy and alive could only be a few things. So if his son hadn't stopped by to tell the family that he'd just won the lottery then he had to logically deduce that this had something to do with the couple's relationship; which again could only include so many possibilities. Having made the mistake of wrongfully, albeit playfully, speculating once already about one such possibility he wasn't prepared to guess at what might be going on. When Edward had cleared his throat a second time and turned Bella's hand slightly however, he knew that his instinct had been right.

He hadn't seen that ring in years. And the sight of it resting so delicately on Bella's finger nearly took his breath away. He was so overwhelmed that he could hardly hear the words his boy had finally spoken. His heart was bursting with pride as he looked back and forth between Edward and Bella and his smile must have been nothing short of blinding.

He remembered that day so many years ago, telling Edward to hold on to that ring, and he recalled how much it had hurt him to say those words with such a light and unassuming tone. The truth of it was that deep down he had worried that this day would never come; and it was the only disappointment that Carlisle had ever allowed himself to feel in terms of the issues his son had to face. Trying to tell himself that it didn't matter and that he would be happy with whatever type of life Edward was able to achieve never really worked for him. Edward was one of the kindest souls he'd ever known and it was difficult to accept that he might never be capable of truly sharing his heart with someone else. Fortunately with the appearance of that ring, he finally realized that this was no longer a worry he had to concern himself with. With that thought however another concern made itself known.  
Why were they telling him this—now, before everyone else could gather and share in the happy news?

Bella recognized the way his expression had briefly faltered and sought to explain that the couple had indeed discussed this ahead of time and felt it would be prudent to bring him into the loop sooner rather than later if the opportunity might present itself.

"We don't need everyone to freak out on us all at once. Figured you'd be the least likely to have some sort of over the top reaction and the one most capable of helping us out, if it comes to that."

Carlisle's smile returned, hearing Edward add a moment later, "One hundred percent, right Dad?"

Carlisle grabbed Bella up into another hug and reached out, wrapping a strong arm around Edward to bring him in closer. He kissed the top of her head and side of his son's face before squeezing the both of them, "Two hundred." He adamantly corrected.

It was hard to keep the emotion out of his voice and though he would love nothing more than to stay locked in this embrace until his feelings could settle and he might be able to find the right way to congratulate them it wasn't meant to be. Their brief time alone came to an abrupt end when the rest of the house seemed to come upon them all at once.

Alice had recently been made aware of their arrival when she'd looked out the window of her mother's office and noticed Edward's car parked in the usual spot out front. She wasted no time ending the conversation she'd been having with a local catering company and made a beeline for the living room to get that hug she'd been promised. When she found Bella and Edward and her father already engaged in such an embrace she put her hands on her hips and demanded to know why she was the only one here not getting any love.

"Cause you weren't here until half a second ago." Edward sighed, as if the interruption had bothered him. As he was speaking he'd disengaged himself and turned with open arms as a silent invitation, which Alice was quick to take advantage.

Although this could have easily turned into another touching scene, neither Edward nor Alice wanted to rehash any of the unpleasant thoughts or feelings they'd recently been made to deal with, and any distraction from such was certainly welcomed—even if that distraction came in the form of Edward's mischievous fingers tickling Alice's side, or hers pulling relentlessly at the hair on his arm in an attempt to stop him. They were both laughing merrily, although Edward was trying his best to avoid swearing from the lingering sting, when his mother came in to find everyone gathered here without her knowledge.

"There you are," Esme began, despite the obvious confusion over why everyone was milling about the entrance to their family room, and at what point Edward and Bella had arrived—or perhaps more importantly why everyone seemed caught up in various stages of hugging, "I wanted to show you the samples that…"  
She had to finally hesitate, having gotten a good look at Carlisle.

Bella had discreetly placed her hands behind her back, while letting her glance wander towards Edward. The whole point of sharing their news with his father ahead of time was so that he could be here and supportive while they broke the news to everyone else. Now she was worried that he'd not been given enough time to absorb the information and come to terms with his own response; the others arrival coming as somewhat of a surprise.  
And sure enough what Esme had seen was her husband struggling for composure.  
Outwardly he was his normal steady self. His smile never wavered but his eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and though his expression appeared happy his right hand was fisting repeatedly in a gesture that only Esme would recognize as being the result of him dealing with some type of unexpected or heavy emotion.

"Jasper's working today?" Edward wondered, not wanting to leave anyone out.

"All day." Alice pouted, before launching into a much more heated explanation, outlining just how hard they'd been working him since he'd accepted his new position with the company. Amusing as it was to see Alice whenever she got so animated Edward refused to become distracted or sidetracked from the purpose of this visit, since he was also very aware of and sympathetic to his father's current condition.

"Ally…Al…Alice!" He finally raised his voice above her rambling, much to the surprise of everyone present. "I'm really sorry you haven't seen Jasper for the past six hours, but I'm getting married and I'd really like to…"

"WHAT?" Alice barked over Esme's impressive intake of breath.

Bella watched as Carlisle gave her another little wink and calmly placed an arm around his wife. If Bella didn't know how physically impossible it was to do she might have worried that Esme had just sucked every last bit of oxygen out of the room. And by the look on her face just now, it was _really_ good oxygen. She also might have been fooled by Carlisle's casual manner, but she'd come to know Edward and all of his habit, in an intimate sense, and she was able to see now that many of those habits were shared by his father. Whatever level of anxiety and emotional havoc lingered within Carlisle, he had learned to tame it long ago; but to someone who understood the many ways in which it might manifest itself, it was obvious that it still remained no matter how dormant those tendencies might be.

Unable to breathe suddenly, Bella thought to revisit the idea of Esme depleting their oxygen supply, but the incessant shrieking in her right ear made her aware that Alice was just attempting to squeeze the life out of her instead. Giggling at the way his sister was bouncing up and down between the two of them Edward finally grabbed hold of Alice so she'd stop trying to do more harm than good.

"You're not allowed to break her." He chuckled with his arms wrapped securely around her little body.

"Oh! Mom! We've got to start planning their wedding too!" she suddenly realized.

Esme had finally been moved to leave her husband for a moment and was busy giving Bella a congratulatory hug.

"Alice, darling," she said very slowly, as if her tone of voice alone could make her daughter relax, "Don't you think we should give them a moment to enjoy this and maybe let them decided what they'd like to do in terms of plans?"

Edward had stepped from behind Alice and come to stand with his mother and Bella. His grin seemed to be confused as she reached to touch the side of his face, jumping back and forth between a happy and somewhat sad expression.  
Her words held a hidden meaning for him that Alice might not understand, but Edward knew that his mother worried that a wedding in the traditional sense might not be in the cards for Edward and Bella. He was somewhat relieved to know that his mother understood and that she would be willing to accept that he would need to do things a bit differently, and yet he was saddened by the idea that his choices might disappoint her in some way.

"That's right," Carlisle agreed, "you and Jasper have to kind of expedite your plans, but there's no limit on how long this engagement needs to be."

Everyone shared a glance at the sound of Carlisle voice and Esme reached to take hold of his hand.  
Alice had been thoroughly sobered by the reminder of her pending move and the fact that she wouldn't be here for most of whatever was planned for her brother's wedding—for Bella's. What if they had questions, or needed her support and encouragement? What if they wanted her opinion? Were they really ready to be on their own for so much? And why did her father look and sound as though he'd been hit by a Mack truck?

They'd already talked about this as well and seeing that Alice was now ready to listen, Bella decided it was time to speak up.

"It's your choice whether it happens before or after your wedding—we never wanted this to interfere with your day—but Edward and I don't need to plan for very much. We only need time enough for my mom and Phil to get here and Edward would like Aunt Elizabeth to come. Other than that we only have to find someone available to marry us and that's it. You can pick out whatever we're supposed to wear of course."  
She chuckled a bit seeing Alice's eyes shift from slightly confused to delighted, noting the possibilities that Bella's consent had opened the door to.

"Before?" Esme was the only one capable of asking the most obvious question it would seem.

"I don't want to wait." Edward confessed shyly. "I feel like we've had very little control over our relationship…like everything was happening so fast but for the right reasons and this is no exception." He turned his attention to his sister then. "I want to be married before you leave, so that you can be a part of everything without it being a long distance situation. And I know that Jasper will have a hard time getting away from work for a while. We wouldn't want to do this without him either."

Turning to his parent's now he placed his arm a bit more securely about Bella and looked down as he spoke. Her hand had come to rest just below his chest out of habit, and he could see his grandmother's ring nestled there on her finger. It made him smile as he closed his eyes.

"Like Bella said, we don't want to do anything big so we don't need a lot of time to plan, we umm…just need you're blessing and uhh…"

Bella looked up at Edward and let the hand that was at his waist slip beneath the hem of his shirt, gently caressing his back, before taking over.

"We'd like your permission to get married here, on the property. There's a spot not far from here that's very special to Edward," Bella smiled seeing Carlisle's recognition; and feeling Edward's silent reproach she quickly clarified, "to both of us."

"Of course."  
It was his father who had answered this time, his eyes seeking Esme's agreement, his expression finally settling into his reliably, amused grin. And suddenly plans were being made.

Alice was able to make some sense of her father's emotions when she'd finally noticed the ring Bella was wearing and she'd immediately gone off on a tangent about choosing clothes from the same era in which her ring had been made. If she couldn't go all out crazy planning some extravagant affair the least she could do was have fun with what aspects of the event were within her control she had to reason. And Esme, completely beside herself with the idea of not one, but now both of her children being married within a month's time, had begun to fawn and fuss over what other arrangements would need to be made—those pertaining to their immediate needs being the most important.

"Carlisle love, I'm going to need my day planner, and if it's not too much trouble there's a pitcher of lemonade in the refrigerator."

He knew that she'd seen him come out of his emotional tailspin and that they would take time to talk amongst themselves once they found themselves alone for a while, so he wasn't disappointed or disturbed in the least that his needs might be being overlooked. Truth be told he was just as excited as everyone else and more than willing to do whatever he could to help this process along.

"Bella, may I borrow your fiancée?" he politely asked with a playful glint in his eye.  
The way that dear girl was so prone to blushing around him always made him grin, but the way she looked at his son made him feel an entirely different sensation—as if his heart might flip right out of his chest.

"Sure." She giggled tugging slightly on Edward's shirt; a blissful response to hearing his father use the term so officially no doubt.  
And Edward, who was just as pleased to hear such words wasn't about to leave her with nothing more than an innocent gesture. He caught Bella's hand as she let go of his shirt and pulled her to him, tenderly caressing the blush on her cheek as he bent to kiss her lips. It was nothing more than a quick peck—just enough to let her know that she was something special, but not so much as to embarrass themselves or any of their witnesses.

"Fucking hell," was the first thing Edward heard his father say when he'd joined him in the kitchen.

"Dad?"

Laughter was the next thing. He watched as his father pulled not only the pitcher of lemonade his mother had requested, but a pair of beers from the fridge, and it made him understand that this was their perfect moment to escape.

"Find some glasses and that flowery tray your mom likes and take this to the girls, while I see if I can locate that damn book of hers. We'll tell them we're going to have a look at this location you've got in mind and figure out the best route to it—take a few minutes to breathe…and celebrate."

Edward chuckled seeing that his father had become so giddy all of a sudden. He was like a kid about to embark on some sort of great adventure that he didn't want his parents to find out about. He reminded him of himself.

"You know the way to the meadow already, Dad. And you know that it's not much of a walk from here."

"But your mother and sister don't; and somehow I doubt that Bella would want to give away that secret while we're obviously hiding out for a few. That's an amazing girl you've got there, Son, and I am so proud of you both."

"You're really okay with everything, right?" Edward sought to confirm now that he had the opportunity to speak with his father alone. "The ring, and us moving so quickly? This isn't some sort of hurried mistake; it's what we both want. I would have never considered giving her Grandma's ring if…"

Carlisle quieted Edward's worries by handing him one of the beers. He made a show of taking a sip and waited for Edward to do the same, almost daring him to continue on with his worrisome rambling.

"Two hundred and fifty percent, and don't you forget it." Carlisle insisted with a happy smile, tapping the neck of Edward's beer bottle with that of his own before going off to find that damn book.


	60. Chapter 60

A/N: Longtime no see folks. Apologies for the delay, but recently I've realized that I was actually avoiding this chapter. My reasons are simple. I've finally reached the end of the road with this one. With this chapter everything I had planned to include will have been done so it's time to say farewell to my bashful Edward and his Bella. (Maybe)  
Hope you all have enjoyed this as much as I have, and a million thanks to everyone for reading and encouraging me along the way!

Chapter 60

"Almost ready?"

Bella smiled at the sound of his timid voice, but maintained her focus. She was unwilling to postpone their departure but she still needed to complete her current task, knowing that she'd never remember where she'd left off or what her line of thinking had been at the time if she didn't get it all down before taking an extended break.

"Two seconds, Sweetheart." She assured him, cursing her clumsy fingers for not being able to type as well as his.  
Of course she'd given up the idea of doing almost anything as well as Edward a while ago. This new laptop that he'd purchased for her, to make things easier, was certainly providing her with a lot of practice these days, but she often found herself going back to her trusty old pen and paper. She was just as eager to get going as he was so she quickly decided that it was time to do just that, saving her document and powering down the computer in favor of scribbling a few lines in a notebook she had sitting nearby.

"Okay. Have we got everything…you've already locked up and shut everything else off?"

Edward was patiently waiting for her, his arms folded, his ankles crossed and his hip resting against the back of the sofa. He'd been grinning at the little flurry of activity his question had provoked, but now he was smiling at how happy his Bella looked, despite having to rush through the last of her work.

"I've had everything ready for the past two weeks."

And he wasn't lying. Bella was so looking forward to today that it had been difficult to focus on anything else recently, but Edward had been doubly excited. She couldn't blame him though, since it wasn't so long ago that something of this magnitude would have been virtually impossible for him to undertake.

"Have you heard from Alice?"

"This morning," Edward smiled, opening the passenger door for Bella, "I'm still trying to figure out a tactful way of telling Dad that he needs to medicate her for the sake of everyone else's sanity."

"She'll be fine once we all get there."

And she would be; Bella was sure of it. They all would be. After all, they had already been through and survived situations that had seemed just as daunting at the time; so much planning and so much preparation, so many things that could have gone wrong, and everything had turned out wonderfully. In Bella's estimation it meant that today would be absolutely no different.

As usual Edward took his time fiddling with the climate controls and the radio as they got underway, but now that he was satisfied with everything he reached over to take hold of her hand. That small gesture, and the way his thumb automatically sought to caress the ring decorating her finger, made her remember—and it made her all the more confident that everything was going to be fine.

"_Edward, do you take Bella…" Bella stared up at Edward watching an intense play of emotions flicker across his face. She could tell that like herself, he wasn't paying one bit of attention to the words that were being said. He would remember them later and honor them for the rest of his life, but right this moment he could scarcely concentrate on anything other than his lovely bride and how beautiful she looked right now._

"_I do." His angelic voice replied at the appropriate moment making Bella's entire body tremble. She wasn't cold and she wasn't nervous, she was responding instead to the knowledge that this was really happening; she officially belonged to Edward—a truly thrilling notion._

_"And Bella, do you take Edward…" It was a ridiculous question in her opinion. It didn't matter the long list of conditions the minister was obligated to rattle off as a part of the ceremony, she'd agree to take Edward any way she could have him—sickness, health, shyness, stubbornness…she'd happily take it all. _

"_I do."  
His eyes had begun to do that smoldering thing she loved and with her words his little grin had appeared as well._

_There was more drivel about rings and symbolism, and then there was an abrupt pounding, as if someone suddenly meant to break down a door._

"Come on, Bella! Wake up already!"

It was Alice.  
The last few weeks had been one adventure after another and through it all Alice had been there to support and encourage and annoy the hell out of everyone.

"It's open you freak!" Bella had shouted back, while covering her head with the blanket in hopes that it would be enough to shield her from the radiant sunshine that was Alice during those days.

"Oh. Where's Edward?"

"His place." Bella sighed, as if it should have been perfectly obvious as to why.

"Ah, very traditional…kudos."  
Alice put her hands on her hips then and looked around for a moment, as if she wasn't really sure what to do since she had Bella awake and had been granted access to the room. She hadn't needed to usher her brother out and playfully fuss about them breaking some unwritten rule of the marriage process by staying the night prior to their wedding together in the same bed, and she hadn't needed to terrify anyone with talk of beautification rituals.

"K. Shower by nine, breakfast by ten-thirty, and we need to be at Mom and Dad's by noon at the latest."

"Yes Alice, we've been over all of this already." Bella groaned, but inside she had been fighting down the urge to giggle.  
Much like her response, she was feeling rather conflicted. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate her friend's enthusiasm or that she wasn't just as excited to get the day going, but what she'd really wanted right then, was another opportunity to continue that dream if at all possible. She'd only progressed through the bulk of the wedding ceremony after all and hadn't even been granted a kiss yet. And there was no denying that she'd had high hopes for the part that might have included some preview of their wedding night, but Alice was having none of that.

"You're going to be the most beautiful bride ever, with or without any more sleep; so you can totally give up any ideas you have about trying to convince me to let you stay in bed longer. As it is my poor brother isn't even going to know what to do with himself when he sees you…"

Bella did love a good, old-fashioned Alice pep-talk so she'd finally relented and sat up to greet her soon to be sister-in-law.

"If you would have let me sleep just a little longer perhaps I could have given him a few suggestions."

Being sure to hold Alice's semi-surprised gaze, just long enough to ensure that she got the message, Bella finally gave into that relentless need to giggle.

"It's always the quiet ones." Alice muttered as she went to the closet in search of whatever was left in there for Bella to put on that morning. Bella might have felt like she was being ignored had she not recognized the playful tone of her comment or heard the statement that would follow.

"There's no need to dream about it Bella cause the real thing is guaranteed to be so much better. And we can't get you to that part of the day without first getting you out of bed and ready." Bella caught the pair of jeans Alice had tossed at her head and smiled, unable to argue with such logic.

"You've got twenty minutes, or we're skipping something…and neither the wedding nor the shower is an option."

It was the last thing she heard before Alice bounced out of the room and up the stairs.

Bella would learn later that her dear friend had been trying her best to keep it together that day. It was a chore that they would all have to endure at times during the forty-eight hours that would follow, but for Alice it had been especially difficult.  
In fact, once she'd found herself standing alone in the living room, Alice had finally taken a moment to breathe.  
She felt like there were a million things she should be doing, and yet nothing needed to be done. As Bella had mentioned only a short while ago they had already been over what needed to happen today. This conversation had started nearly five weeks earlier and it had ended the night before. They had already talked at length about _everything,_ and there was nothing left to say. But that was exactly what had Alice standing there looking so lost all of a sudden. Without a suitable distraction, the likes of which had kept her sane over the past several weeks leading up to this day, she had been in danger of submitting to emotions she had already deemed unnecessary.

The day before had been full of eye opening moments, and it was during those moments that she'd finally come to realize that it was almost over. She even recalled having thought to herself as she'd stood alone on her parents' porch staring out across the backyard, wondering when exactly Edward would reappear, _so this is how it all ends.  
_It hadn't really bothered her then. In fact while waiting for her brother a smile had worked its way onto her lips, as she took time to consider just how amazing the last few months had been. From the moment she'd graduated from college she'd been on the verge of whatever her life was destined to become; but she could have never guessed that so much would take place in the weeks that would follow, or that the time she had left before truly embarking on her future could pass so quickly. Perhaps that had something to do with how busy she'd been; planning and coordinating everything from her brother's accommodations so that he might be willing to stay and visit for more than a few days, to the finest details of her dream wedding—and everything else in between.  
Now, with her job done and everything ready she was starting to look forward to a well-deserved break; but what that really meant was that by this time tomorrow Edward and Bella would be married, and on the following day she and Jasper would be as well.  
It was hard to believe that afterwards they would be on their way to London, by way of Paris, where they would enjoy a week-long honeymoon before settling into their new life together.

She'd never planned on things working out this way, but that was the beauty of it in her opinion. Despite her hopes and dreams she could have never foreseen a better future for herself. It was destined to be the perfect adventure—the perfect way to spend time with and focus on Jasper for a change. But Alice could never deny that a part of her would always remain with her parents, and her brother, and her very best friend.

Fortunately Edward had emerged from the tree line before she could get too caught up in the feelings that had begun fighting their way to surface. His brilliant smile had been noticeable, even from that distance, and it warmed her heart. She'd seen him at his best and she'd been there for him at his worst. She'd seen him happy, but she'd never seen him like this. A feeling of pride had washed over her as he raised a hand in greeting, having spotted her out on the porch smiling back at him.

He figured that someone would come looking for him if he wasn't back soon, and he'd been right, since Alice had been put in charge of tracking him down if he didn't manage to show up on his own before dark. Nobody had actually said what they were all thinking, but it wouldn't be a huge surprise if Edward tried to postpone his arrival, for fear of having to meet Bella's mother, who had been due to arrive at any moment.

"Is anyone here yet?" He had asked immediately, placing an arm around her shoulders, giving her a half-hug before turning them to go inside.

"Not yet." She promised with a little smirk.  
Despite his question he never hesitated to enter the house; all traces of anxiety were well hidden, if not absent altogether. And for Alice, this was the best. Here was her brother, tall and strong and handsome as ever, and finally possessing the confidence that one might assume would go along with such characteristics.

"You all set?" she had asked in a way that he could take however he wanted to.

"I'll manage." He had chuckled in response, being just as evasive in his answer.

But honestly, Edward had done far more than manage.

He was finally coming into his own as a part of this family. He'd begun to seek help where he needed it and he was quick to offer his assistance when he could. He accepted and considered suggestions and offered his own views on whatever was being discussed.  
It was fascinating to witness this type of transformation, but for Alice it was even better to know that, despite her encouragement early on, Edward deserved the most credit for this phenomenon; and Bella should be the one awarded a close second when speaking of influence. There was no need for any further proof than what she'd already witnessed, but it was an influence that Alice would see hard at work less than an hour later, as her family spent some time with those that would be in attendance at her brother's wedding the following day.

For her part, it would seem as though Bella had had no concerns about meeting Esme's sister. If she was even half as warm and caring as Edward's mother then she knew that there would be no reason to feel nervous or intimidated by her. After all this woman was someone that Edward trusted and admired. And she hadn't been disappointed.  
Edward's aunt Elizabeth was a few years older than her sister and a few inches taller. Her hair was a shade darker as well, but that was just about the only differences Bella could discern. When she smiled the whole room felt just a little bit warmer, and when she'd taken the time to speak with her concerning Edward and how happy he seemed her words were as genuine and kind as she might have expected.

The overall situation had been so pleasant that Bella had nearly forgotten that Edward would be meeting her mother for the first time as well, but fortunately that hadn't been anything to worry about either.

Fashionably late as always, Renee and Phil had arrived just after everyone was settled in with a pre-dinner drink, but in a move that was classically Carlisle, he had insisted on answering the door telling everyone else to remain seated and enjoy. When he escorted Bella's mother and her husband into the family room a moment later he went about introducing those that weren't familiar with each other, throwing around the names of those that were, just to take a bit of emphasis off of Edward, should it have proven necessary. In that moment Bella could have kissed him for his kindness, but instead she'd remained at Edward's side giving his hand an encouraging squeeze—especially since she hadn't missed how her mother's eyes had begun to shine with curiosity from the moment they'd landed on her fiancé.

They would talk about that night at times over the weeks that would follow and Bella would come to understand that Edward had noticed Renee's intrigue as well. She was pleased that he'd been moved to act rather than allowing himself to be unnerved by the attention at the time, but he would explain that his motivation had been quite simple. He had been surrounded by a group of people that were his greatest supporters that night, and he was only a few hours away from promising to love and cherish Bella for the rest of his existence. He understood that if he couldn't find some measure of courage under those circumstances then he may as well give up and go back to the solitary life he'd fought so hard to break away from recently. So rather than disappoint anyone, least of all himself, he'd decided that even if it was just for the night he'd somehow find the strength to be the type of man he felt Bella deserved, the type of man his parents would be proud of, and the type of man he at one time had never imagined he could be.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both."  
Edward had gotten to his feet, after sharing a quick glance with Bella and shook first Phil's and then her mother's hand. He lingered a moment while holding onto Renee's and smiled as only he could, his free hand covering their joined ones briefly before offering their newest guests something to drink.

As Edward went off to fetch a beer for Phil and a glass of wine for Renee, Bella went to accept hugs from them both.

"You weren't even close to being thorough enough in your description. He's absolutely gorgeous and so charming!" Her mother had whispered, thankfully, before pulling away to greet everyone else; and as luck would have it, that was where any awkwardness had ended. With enough guests and a vast number of topics competing for their attention the conversation flowed with little effort, and before they knew it they were bidding everyone goodnight—including each other.

"What are you thinking about?"

Edward's question had pulled Bella back to the present and the feel of his hand still holding onto hers made her answer honestly.

"Our wedding."

Edward smiled at her response and lifted their hands so that he could kiss the back of hers.

"What was your favorite part?" He wondered.  
It was a discussion they'd had a few times by now, but every time he asked she'd come up with a different answer.  
The first time she'd enthusiastically insisted that it was everything. Then a few days later she'd mentioned the way that he'd looked, so polished and handsome—like a movie star from the nineteen thirties; which incidentally had been Alice's exact intention. Then there was her acknowledgement of how he'd managed to wink at her when no one was looking, giving her that little sign that he was doing just fine and that he found her as irresistible as ever, despite their present company. And a week after that she'd told him how much his thoughtfulness had meant to her and how much she was looking forward to reliving the memory of their wedding night for the rest of their lives.

"How we managed to surprise everyone."

"We did, didn't we?" He laughed a little.

It was more than just his calm demeanor and Bella's gracious acceptance of all that his family was willing to do for them, it was the way they had so thoroughly committed themselves to each other and the concept of a marriage.

During the weeks that had remained after both couples had announced their intentions to wed, everyone had been more than willing to pitch in, making suggestions and volunteering for whatever tasks needed to be handled so that wishes could be granted and time constraints wouldn't matter. Surprisingly that had included Edward, who would ordinarily be content to sit back and let the others be in charge. In this case however he had stepped up in a big way.  
It was a given that he would need to have the final say so on most things involving his own wedding, in order to insure that he could actually go through with the ceremony, but no one had expected him to take such a hands on approach, planning and overseeing nearly everything—except that which had already been assigned to Alice, or that Bella had expressed some specific desire to handle.  
Though his level of involvement might have come as a surprise to anyone else, Edward had basically come to expect the unexpected in nearly all aspects of his life. Since meeting and falling in love with Bella, his entire outlook had been altered. His everyday existence still had its share of ups and downs and he still struggled with anxiety, but he was tired of giving in to those problems. He wanted the types of experiences and memories that other people got to enjoy, and he wanted more than anything to share those things with Bella. Marriage was certainly not a requirement for a lifetime of happiness, however the commitment it signified meant a great deal to Edward. With that in mind he'd come to realize that marriage was something he really wanted, and in turn, giving Bella a day to remember had become his priority.

She had assured him time and time again that the meadow was perfect and that having a small gathering of family present would please her. In the back of his mind however, he worried that years from now, or perhaps even as soon as she witnessed the beauty and grandeur of Alice's wedding, she would regret the less elaborate approach she seemed bent on pursuing. He trusted her though, and he'd never go against her wishes, planning something completely different than what they'd discussed and agreed upon; but there was still nothing to prevent him from giving his bride a wedding night to remember. And with her blessing he'd set out to do just that.

Bella would always recall looking around as she and Charlie had stepped into the meadow. She had already noticed by then the obvious changes made to the path leading them there from the Cullen's backyard, which certainly accounted for Edward's long hours spent in the woods and his filthy appearance each evening when he would come back to join the others at his parents' house for dinner. Everything was just as beautiful as she remembered but Edward had gone out of his way to enhance that beauty were he could.  
She knew to expect actual chairs for their guests, draped in white satin, and that an ornate trellis covered in wildflowers had been placed near the water's edge a few feet away from where the chairs were situated. In the opposite corner of the meadow however a large white, cabin-style tent had been erected as well; but noticing its presence was as far as she got. Once her eyes had found Edward standing there beside the minister who would marry them she couldn't seem to focus on anything else—not the sturdy presence of her father walking beside her, nor the radiant smiles coming from their families, because in that moment she could think of no one other than the man who would be her husband.

She knew that somewhere in the back of her mind she must have thought about getting married at least once or twice during her childhood; however those hopes and dreams had been shattered long before she'd ever found herself in a position to truly consider the possibilities. It wasn't until Edward had come into her life that she'd ever been able to think in terms of love and commitment and forever. And once he had shown her how wonderful life could be, she'd chosen to place her trust in him.  
As he stood there subtly, yet nervously, tugging at the sleeve of his jacket, his crooked smile trying to break past the serious expression his emotions had demanded once he'd seen her emerge from the tree line, Bella felt her heart pounding and she knew that every dream she'd ever had, and even those she'd never had, were about to come true.

There was very little time to collect her thoughts as she was ushered through the words she needed to say, and suddenly a whirlwind of activity had consumed them from the moment they'd said "I do." There were hugs and kisses and congratulations from everyone. Champagne toasts would follow and a mid-afternoon meal was shared back at the house. From there Alice took over and ushered the newlyweds through a series of farewells and basically kicked them out to go enjoy their wedding night, albeit as respectfully as possible. Little did Bella know at the time that Edward had enlisted his sister and soon to be brother in law in setting up what she would soon consider the ideal honeymoon suite back in the meadow.  
Had she been a tad more vigilant and a little less caught up in the moment, she might have wondered before then what exactly that tent had been for, since they hadn't made any use of it before, during, or immediately after the wedding. However, once Edward had chosen to bypass his awaiting car and had begun to lead her back towards the meadow, she suddenly understood. And when he'd requested she close her eyes before opening the heavy flaps that made up the tent's entrance, she got the first sense that he'd really outdone himself.

He'd lifted her into his arms and soon enough invited her to have a look around. When she did she could have sworn they were inside the most luxurious hotel on the planet. There were plush carpets and furs covering every inch of the considerable floor space. In the far corner there was an actual bed, dressed in beautiful linens, and adjacent to that was a small table bearing an assortment of fruits and cheeses with a bucket of ice to chill an unopened bottle of Cristal. There was a single candle burning there, but most of the interior was visible thanks to an intricately woven pattern of twinkle lights hung from the ceiling, creating the illusion of starlight.

"Edward, when…how?" she'd thought to ask after staring silently at their surroundings for quite some time.

There were other little things she would notice after he'd taken time to explain his thoughts and resources. Those little things included a separate section of the tent that couldn't be seen from the main area, which housed every amenity of a real, functioning bathroom, and an antique trunk conveniently filled with everything she could ever want for a night away from home.

"I've been thinking about that little spot where we were camping the day I proposed." He'd set her on her feet by then and the back of his fingers slowly explored the softness of her shoulder as he spoke. "I don't know how often we'll be able to travel back to the cabin in Colorado or go out exploring in other places, so I was sort of hoping to build us our own little getaway there, and most of this will come in handy. I can't promise it'll be this posh or anything but…" He shrugged a little in his predictably bashful way.

Bella was still taking in the sight of everything—the flowers, the abundance of pillows, the little decorative touches that she would eventually understand were Alice's influence, and she suddenly realized how thoroughly appreciative she was.

When planning the weddings she'd put in her opinions when she'd felt strongly about something, but she'd not been insistent on having an immediate honeymoon. Considering the short notice they'd had in order to prepare, and the fact that they would need to be present the following day to attend Jasper and Alice's wedding, it never even crossed her mind that such a wedding night could be possible.

"Mrs. Cullen, you might want to come back to the land of the living for a few minutes."

Edward's teasing tone told Bella that she'd been caught in a daydream once more. Coming back to the _land of the living_, as suggested, meant realizing that they had reached the first of their many intended destinations for the day, and the sight of her father-in-law approaching her door made her smile.

"I haven't even insisted on my hug yet nor have I had a chance to tell you how beautiful you look today." Carlisle grinned once he'd helped Bella from the car, noticing right away how a deep crimson was already coloring her cheeks.

"Sorry, Old Dude. You can blame Edward if you like."

"I remember how much fun I use to have making Esme blush. It's nearly impossible these days…but anyway."

"That's only because I've been with you so long. Hardly anything surprises me after all these years." Esme responded after being released from her son's gentle embrace.

"Well we've got a bit of a car ride ahead of us and Edward's driving, so perhaps I'll have some time to think of something _surprising_." He wiggled his eyebrows a bit to emphasize his intentions making Bella laugh and Edward sigh.

"So how's the writing, dear?" Esme inquired once the group had been on the road for a while.

"Any breakthroughs on a plot yet?" Carlisle added enthusiastically.

Bella noticed Edward smiling though he didn't actually look her way. He was so proud and encouraging that she couldn't fault him for telling his parents about her potential new career in the making.  
He'd known almost from the start that it was her eventual goal to write and publish a novel, and once they were married it took all of three days for him to suggest the alternative job. Now that he had the ability to share his finances with her on every level he argued that she could concentrate on whatever made her happy without ongoing money concerns. She'd never deny that it was a dream of hers, but it still took a month of talking and attempts at persuasion before she finally gave in and committed to fewer assignments from work. And there was another month beyond that before she finally came to him with a chapter of writing so that he could give his opinion.

He was impressed, though Bella insisted his level of praise was hardly warranted. His response to her doubts however became the one thing that had inspired her to finally give it her all.

"You know some people would say that if you can hold an intelligent conversation you can write a book, but we both know that there's more to it than that. Telling a story is an art and making people tap into emotions they didn't intend to explore is a powerful thing. Sure I'm probably biased, but you have a gift, Baby. Whether it's chatting with me or laughing with Alice or writing a story that will entertain others, you communicate your feelings so well. You're honest and sincere and people will fall in love with the way you write the same way I fell in love with every other thing about you."

"It's coming along." She was blushing again much to Carlisle's delight. "Edward's been a big help recently."

"Some time away to relax and recharge the batteries was also helpful I would imagine—nothing like some sun and fresh air to inspire creativity." Esme mused.

It was something like that, but Bella didn't have it in her to comment further. It was disconcerting enough to know that Alice and Jasper had become so involved in helping Edward create their romantic wedding night accommodations, having his parents be aware of the way they had spent their official honeymoon a few weeks ago on the secluded little island just east of the Bahamas was more than she was prepared to deal with today.

"So tell me again about this friend of yours, who's place we're going to be borrowing for the next week." Edward redirected his father's attention, trying to save his wife the discomfort.

"He was more of a friend to your grandfather actually…"  
Carlisle was more than happy to launch into a whole slew of stories, helping the time pass quickly. As a result the trip to Seattle seemed to pass by like the blink of an eye, and suddenly Bella was walking into an airport with Edward for the second time in as many weeks.

"You're getting really good at this, Sweetheart." Bella whispered playfully as she leaned past him to retrieve the smaller of their two carryon bags.  
He took her hand as they stepped aside to wait for his parents as they made their way through the security line.

"Practice makes perfect, love," Was his response, despite the deep breath he had to take and the way his free hand had started to repetitively rub at the stubble on his chin. "And besides, Alice would kill me if I were to indicate in any way that I wasn't completely over the moon about coming to visit her."

It was true. They had been trying to coordinate, from the moment that Alice and Jasper had announced their plans for moving to London, how they could all find the time to travel there and see them; and the appropriate time had finally arrived.  
It had been a little over three months now and according to Alice she was in love with London. The shops and restaurants and history and culture, and so many exciting things to do, made such a city the ideal place for someone like her. But there was no denying that she missed her family.

"What time does the flight come in again?" Jasper surprised her by wrapping his arms around her middle from behind, his voice quiet but husky sounding as his lips caressed her ear.

There was no need to check the time or calculate the hours, she'd been thinking of little else for the past day and a half.

"Soon. They'll meet us at the townhouse around three."

Jasper smiled against the side of her neck in between kisses. He loved how much she loved her family and to be honest he was looking forward to their visit almost as much. He knew that the separation his career had forced them to undergo would be difficult but he also knew that these experiences would create wonderful memories.

"Good. I can enjoy my wife a little longer before having to learn how to share again."

"You're going to have to learn how to share eventually whether my family comes to visit or not." She reminded him as his hands wandered across her stomach and down to her hips.

At that moment, half a world away, Bella was busy watching Carlisle and Edward as they sat together at a little table in the far corner of an airport pub enjoying a beer, while waiting to board their connecting flight in Chicago. Edward was laughing at something his father had said and it made Bella smile seeing him so relaxed and seemingly calm, while she and his mother busied themselves at the nearby news stand. There were still times when he would blush and fidget, and certain activities he'd just as soon avoid, but for the most part Edward had embraced the concept of being around people. He wasn't likely to start a conversation with someone he didn't know and he often fell into old habits when he wasn't being vigilant, but when given the opportunity to try something new or to accomplish something he desired, Edward had all but mastered his anxiety.

As she stood there spying, Bella felt his mother take her hand and she knew that she hadn't been the only one watching them.

"Thank you" was all she said, but there was no need for an explanation to go along with the simple statement.  
As it was, Bella felt her gratitude was unnecessary. Edward had grown and changed tremendously over the past several months but it was largely by his own doing. He worked hard at overcoming his fears and he challenged himself in ways that she would never have asked him to; still, she understood that her presence in his life had been the motivation he'd required to consider such changes. Edward reminded her of that frequently and she had finally come to accept the responsibility, seeing as he had begun to motivate her as well in new and exciting ways.

"You know, the only thing that could make this day any better would be a kiss from my wife."

"You mean _another_ kiss." She corrected him while happily offering to fulfill his request.

She couldn't help but tease since he'd begun acting so carefree and somewhat silly since their arrival. Apparently a mixture of sun and sand and tropical heat can do that to a person, Bella was quickly learning; but she liked it. The privacy of the island that Carlisle had recommended to them was ideal and though they'd only been there since that morning Edward was quite obviously in his element.

"Let's go inside." She whispered against his mouth.

"What for?" he playfully grinned continuing to kiss her despite her valiant attempt to steer them towards the path that would lead back to the house.

"Edward," she pouted, hoping that she didn't have to say what was really on her mind.

"There's no one else around Bella, not anywhere on this island and not for three miles in any direction."

There was a time when Edward was afraid of the urges and reactions his body experienced around her, but they had both come to understand that his heart was ultimately in control. There was love and admiration and passion and dedication behind every desire his heart sought to pursue and with that knowledge they'd found a level of freedom to express their needs that neither of them could have imagined possible.

"What? Here?" Bella gasped, but it wasn't from disbelief. It was spoken with longing.

"You're going to give my father a stroke if you don't stop blushing so much, Baby." Edward chuckled.

She hadn't noticed him vacate the table he'd been sitting at, nor his approach. She'd been so caught up in her memories that she was suddenly concerned that her blush may not be the only indication of what her thoughts had consisted of just now.

She groaned with embarrassment and turned her face into his chest, hoping to hide the evidence until her skin tone could come back to normal. His amusement vibrated within him for a moment and Bella couldn't resist letting her hand wander up to the spot where it was most prevalent. He held her a moment longer and then informed her that they needed to head towards their gate. She hadn't noticed that he'd carried their bags over as well, but when she finally looked down she could see that he'd obviously come to collect her.

"Can't keep Alice waiting any longer, though it would be sort of funny to hear her reaction if we were to call and say we'd missed the flight."

"I think we'd hear her reaction all the way over here with or without the phone." Bella agreed with a smile.

As they got moving through the airport Edward took hold of her hand and couldn't help but ask what it was she'd been thinking about this time.

"My story…our story." She shyly admitted.

"And that makes you blush?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I wasn't lying when I told your mom and dad that you've been very helpful recently."

The hint was not lost on him and he felt his own face grow a few degrees warmer as a result.

"My sister is going to have plenty to say when you finally let her read some of it. If anyone will be able to see parallels and references it'll be her."

"But she'll also be the most understanding. According to anyone else it'll just be the work of my imagination—a fabricated, exaggerated story."

She hadn't set out to write about them. She hadn't thought to write a romance or a thriller, or any particular genre. She'd only searched her heart for something that felt right and plugging in bits and pieces of their story had just seemed so natural.

"Bella, Bella, Edward….Oh Bubby! Mom! Hi!" Alice was the same little ball of energy she'd always been, bouncing up and embracing her family with enthusiasm.

"Dad! I've missed you guys so much." She never let go of Carlisle once she found her way into his arms, keeping hers wrapped around his middle while Jasper happily greeted everyone else.

"Sedatives would have helped." Edward muttered playfully for only Bella to hear, making her giggle.

"Come on, come on, we need to talk, catch up. Everybody come sit down." Alice continued to ramble, dragging her father along with her as she worked her way towards the next room.

"Honey, you need to breathe and relax or you're gonna pass out on me." Carlisle had to inform her once everyone else had managed to join them.

"I'm okay, just excited."

"We can tell." Esme calmly observed with an indulgent smile.

"So what's been going on with you guys?" Alice inquired, choosing to bypass her parent's comments.

Bella however could see right through the diversion.

"You first." She insisted innocently taking hold of Edward's hand in the process.

Alice glanced her way looking a tad guilty. It was indeed difficult to control her enthusiasm but as Bella had apparently guessed it was all part of an effort to rush through the preliminary greetings in order to get to something important she wished to share. She wanted to blame Jasper's overly calm nature or perhaps the happy little smirk that hadn't left his face since the cab had pulled up outside carrying her family, but she knew that her behavior was a dead giveaway for her best friend.

"We're having a baby!" she blurted out with very little prelude.

Bella found it funny that Edward's laughter was the loudest reaction, though Carlisle's inexplicable, "Right again!" was just as unexpected. Esme's tears and her warm congratulations however felt appropriate and triggered her own.

"When will you be home again?" Bella asked quietly once she and Alice found a moment to themselves later that night.

"Before you know it." Alice smiled using the phrase they'd both agreed to employ when either of them felt the need to as the question.

"Before the baby picks up a British accent at least." She teased.

"I doubt they'll be talking good before we get to come home." Alice assured her, though she added in that a British accent wouldn't be so bad except for the fact it would probably make her child sound more intelligent than her.

"Well until you get to bring my little niece or nephew home you can read them a story." Bella offered Alice a flash drive that contained a large portion of the writing she'd completed so far. "It's not finished and there are some parts you'll want to skip over, at least until they're a little older, but I think it would be nice for them to hear about their courageous Uncle Edward."

"You finally did it?"

"I'm finally trying."

"You did it." Alice repeated with a confident grin, the flash drive held tightly in her fist.

"Edward did it." Bella agreed.

The End

End Notes: There will be a handful of outtakes to follow ;)


	61. Outtake 1

A/N: I ended up with a couple of mostly complete chapters as I was writing that weren't entirely necessary. I decided to share some of those as outtakes so that I could keep playing around with my characters a little longer. This one takes place while Edward and Bella are in Colorado, the day after they've fallen asleep on the floor, post sex and s'mores ;)  
And as a bonus, many of you had asked while I was writing about doing certain POVs, I made a few adjustments and worked this one out to be from Edward's perspective, just because. Hope you enjoy.

Scars

I wasn't entirely sure that this day could get any better. I mean I woke up this morning with Bella in my arms, my old tattered blanket covering the both of us as we lay on the floor in front of my fireplace. Honestly that would have been an amazing enough start to my day, but before I could even get my eyes open I was pleasantly surprised to find her practically crawling on top of me. A few seconds later I was able to discover her short list of demands for the morning, which included coffee, kisses, breakfast, and snuggles—at least I think that was the order. Anyway, I never thought I'd be labeled the snuggly type, but according to Bella I'm quite good at it; which is pretty awesome because I really, really like making my girl happy. And besides, it was thanks to her _demands_ that we managed to have the leftover s'mores I'd promised along with our coffee; and afterwards we snuggled.  
Now, I really don't know what her intentions were beyond that exactly, but as you can guess one thing led to another…and yeah; Best. Morning. Ever.

And of course, I know what you're probably thinking now, so I should go ahead and correct that assumption. We didn't have sex…technically. I mean it was definitely difficult to avoid the temptation, but I absolutely refused to let Bella coerce me into another round of intercourse so soon. However that didn't necessarily mean I could resist her altogether. I'm mean, I'm a guy and all, but the thing is I never want to disappoint her or give the wrong impression; I also despise the idea of hurting her.  
She'd received me well…like, amazingly well, on the previous occasions and we were doing our best to communicate our feelings over this whole situation, but we had time on our side now and I really don't want to mess up such a good thing by being careless. Fortunately Bella seemed to understand my position, because she's awesome like that, and in any case the playfully intense interactions we did manage were quite satisfying. She'd even said so, which I know has everything to do with this stupid grin that I've had on my face pretty much all day.

In fact the only time I haven't been smiling today was for a split second when I'd found myself on the verge of what could have easily turned into a full scale panic attack. But like I said, this day could hardly get any better, so obviously it hadn't been anything to worry about; thank god.

But now you're wondering about that too, so I may as well tell you about it, especially since it actually turned out to be pretty funny in the end.

We ended up hiking for a while this afternoon so that I could show Bella around and hopefully impress her with some more of my "Boy Scoutiness," as she's come to call it. Yes I know, my Baby's a dork sometimes, but whatever. She's fucking adorable.  
Anyway, we'd been walking all over, for hours, hiking along trails that I knew like the back of my hand, talking and laughing, just having a good time as always. Bella was fascinated by just about everything—the birds and plants and some of the interesting facts I was able to tell her about the area. There was even this silly little group of squirrels that she was convinced were following us.

Which is another thing; I absolutely love her imagination. One minute she was asking in a hushed voice, "What was that?" And when I'd pointed out the group of squirrels scampering around in a nearby tree she'd launched into this farfetched little idea about how they were spying on us, keeping an eye on where we went, since obviously we knew where the best food was; because to a squirrel we must seem huge, right? Frankly I couldn't argue with her logic either, but it was still so random that I found it ridiculous and somewhat brilliant at the same time.  
She got a few extra kisses out of me for being so goofy, I'm not gonna lie.

Anyway it was shortly after the squirrels had managed to lose interest in their supposed 'recon mission' that it had started to rain. I should have seen it coming, but I was just too busy admiring her today to bother paying much attention to anything else.  
Bella was cool about it though; she never fussed about getting wet or that the rain was cold, she just picked up the pace and hurried with me back the way we'd come.  
And that's when it happened.

I should have seen that coming as well, but her laughter and the way her warm, damp skin felt under my hands, as I tried to keep her moving in the right direction and steady her balance all at once, was just far too distracting. Fortunately, because I'd been smart enough to keep my hands on her as we sloshed our way back I'd had enough time to adjust and catch her for the most part. Still, we'd both ended up taking a nice little roll in the mud when it was all said and done.

Initially my natural reaction was panicked, meaning I couldn't even begin to control the breathless sound of my voice or temper my worry, no matter how hard I wanted to try. It scared the hell out of me, you know; to think that way out here, all by ourselves, with no doctor or hospital nearby, that something could have happened to her—something that I couldn't handle. I was absolutely terrified by the very idea of it, convinced in that split second that I had somehow failed her by suggesting we come here in the first place.  
But of course, while I was well on my way to a mental meltdown, Bella was laughing her head off. For whatever reason, while I was freaking out she was enjoying the hell out the situation.  
I suppose her laughter was a good thing though, it distracted me and gave her the chance to interrupt my thoughts, assuring me that she was perfectly fine. Her reassurance allowed me to breathe a little easier, even if it did take a few more minutes to really calm down. It was then that I noticed the way she was smirking at me, with that all knowing look in her eyes. It was a look that made my heart quicken. She was on to me, and she knew exactly how scared I was, and she was about to tell me how unreasonable I was being.

The only thing that Bella ever seems to get upset about, the only thing we've ever argued about is my overprotective nature. It's a side of me that I have a terrible time controlling when it comes to her, but this afternoon I was determined that it wasn't going to screw up our perfect day. To insure that, I needed a way calm myself and defuse the situation, and when I thought about it an immediate solution had come to mind.

What you have to understand is that I was a mess, both mentally and physically, as I was practically covered in mud, but so was she, the rain still pouring down, literally soaking us. Still all I could think about was how much I loved her and how stunningly gorgeous she was in that moment. I'd taken an extra minute to convince myself that I had indeed managed to take the brunt of our fall and that our little tumble hadn't done any major damage, but eventually I was able to laugh along with her. And that's when I'd decided to act.

I'm not really sure why or how I had determined that this was a good idea; perhaps it was just the relief of knowing that she was really okay, and that she wasn't please by the intensity of my concern, but when I'd looked down at my mud covered hand, I just couldn't seem to avoid the temptation.

"You sure you're okay? You seem to have some mud on you." I tried my best to sound innocent, but I'm not a very good actor apparently. Perhaps my smile had found its way into my voice.

"What, where?" She was mocking me and I could tell, but I think I'd been counting on that.

"Here." I lightly touched the tip of her nose, "And here." Then I let my fingers trace the curve of her cheek, spreading a nice thick line of mud across her skin. I was grinning like an idiot again, totally giving myself away as I attempted to casually adjust my position next to her. It was just before I managed to force another "here" through a poorly disguised laugh that I finally tipped a handful of cold mud down the back of her shirt right as she was starting to squirm away.

"You…!" She never finished her thought, probably because she'd decided that a counterattack with her own fist full of mud was more affective anyway. I was sort of curious though, about what she'd wanted to call me, but obviously I wasn't able to think on it for long.  
See, Bella's one hell of a lot stronger than you'd think and it took quite a bit of effort to survive her wrath, as we struggled to see who could splash and smear more mud over the other. So it was probably to my benefit when our laughter finally forced us to stop in favor of catching our breath. I might have started it, but she definitely had the upper hand when it came to wrestling with me—I'm just a little too willing to be pinned down I suppose.  
In the end, I'm not sure how long we actually spent playing in the rain and muck like a couple of kids, but we eventually stumbled our way back towards the cabin, still laughing and holding onto one another, still trying to find any place we might have missed during our initial mud bath.

I've thought about it, and I'm pretty sure my mother and maybe even Alice might try to disagree with me, but I don't think I've ever gotten so dirty in all my life. It was worth it though when Bella wrapped me in a tight hug and went on and on about how much fun she was having as soon as we were safely out of the downpour, standing under the overhang of the cabin. That was right before she also decided that we couldn't go inside while wearing such muddy clothes and proceeded to strip, right there on my front porch.

It's not like I have neighbors, and I couldn't even begin to count the number of times I've gone outside here for whatever reason with basically nothing on, but seeing Bella pull her shirt off and step out of her jeans so casually…it blew my mind.

My fears had attempted to get the better of me only a short time before, and I'd been so adamant earlier that we could and probably should wait, but suddenly it was all I could do to restrain myself. Every thought I'd had this morning about giving her more time to get use to…us and…sex, seemed to fly out of my brain. I wanted her so badly, right there on the porch, in the rain, covered in mud.  
So that's when I'd had to fall back on plan B. The plan that had been my saving grace more times than I care to count over the past few weeks. I had to step back and let Bella be in charge. Whatever she wanted from me I would give her, because I wasn't strong enough to say no anymore; but it had to be her call. She was in charge.  
If she wanted snuggles and coffee, she could have it. If she thought we should get naked outside in the rain, I was all for it. And if she wanted me—any part of me, I was ready and willing.

So what did she want, you're probably wondering?  
For me to give her some privacy after we'd shared the shower—which needs a serious cleaning of its own now—so that she could shave her legs.  
Yeah, apparently sleeping in the same bed every night for the past couple of weeks, bathing one another on a routine basis and being intimately aware of every square inch of her body—how it looks, feels, tastes even—that doesn't qualify a guy to be in the bathroom when his girlfriend needs to shave. Who the hell knew? Obviously not me, but that's okay. Ignorance is bliss in this case—or at least that's how I'm choosing to look at it.

It wasn't so long ago I would have easily agreed with Bella and kept my mouth shut, but there's a lot about the new me that I like, and the fact that I can ask questions and offer alternatives without being afraid that she'll get mad at me is at the top of the list. As a result not only did I get to stay, but I managed to get the privilege of shaving her legs for her. Sounds sappy I know, but I'm a romantic and proud of it. That's right, I Edward Cullen like to snuggle and I am happy to shave my girlfriend's legs—hell if she wore nail polish you can damn well bet I'd volunteer to paint her toes too, so deal with it.

But besides that, she loves it when I let her shave my face, and honestly I love it when she does—there's something incredibly intimate about the whole process. All I really had to do was point that out and she'd been pretty receptive to the idea.

So, now we're sitting here in my bedroom and one of her perfectly smooth legs is propped up on a pillow with her foot resting on my knee so that I can replace the bandage covering her stitches. I'm doing my best to keep my nerves in check once again, going about my business as if I've done this a hundred times before and that the sight of a wound on Bella doesn't automatically send my blood pressure through the roof. The timid look she's giving me right now isn't really helping. It's as if she's embarrassed or something, which is not at all how I want her to feel when I'm trying my best to take care of her and keep my emotions out of the equation.

Finally Bella starts to speak I start to understand, but to say that I'm a little confused all of a sudden would be an understatement.

"Think it'll leave a scar?" she quietly asked.  
It was an innocent conversational tone, but it was the look in her eyes that made me worry over where her thoughts were headed.

"Not anything horrible or disfiguring." I decided to make light of her comment, but that's when she looked down and started to apologize.

I hadn't thought about the fact that I was sitting there on the foot of my bed, with nothing but a towel wrapped around my waist, even though I was _very_ aware that Bella was also in a similar state, nothing but a towel to cover her as she leaned against the headboard relaxing. It's just that I've gotten so comfortable being around her this way, that I don't always think about my scars anymore. I see them every single day and I know exactly how bad they look. It's why I was so terrified in the beginning that she'd be unnerved or maybe even frightened by their appearance. It's why I make an effort to hide them around Alice and my mom—to make sure they're covered when I'm in public. They've never seemed to bother Bella though, even if we've never really talked about it or discussed my accident since the night I'd told her about it in the first place. Now I'm starting to wonder if maybe we shouldn't have. Maybe I'd only been temporarily blessed with this ill-conceived sense of security.

"Bella…Baby, stop. What's going on?" I don't even know how I got from the end of the bed with her foot in my lap to having her in my arms, but that didn't matter. God, she's on the verge of tears and I have no idea why.

"That was a stupid thing to ask. I'm so sorry. I mean to think that some little cut on my leg…" She was rambling now, a handful of tears trailing down as she shook her head slightly, seemingly unsure of what else she could say.

"I don't understand, love. I'm not upset. You didn't hurt my feelings." I was at a complete loss. The only thing that made sense was that she must somehow feel as though her question had been offensive to me. Her fingers were delicately tracing the puckered marks on my shoulder and it was all I could do not to jerk away from her touch. I hated that I was just now finding out that she was somehow more affected by my body's scarred appearance than I'd initially realized. Had I known, I might have been more careful to keep myself covered. I mean being intimate and sharing space as often as we did I couldn't really see how to avoid her seeing me, but I would have tried. And I certainly wouldn't have said anything that could so easily be misunderstood, had I known how she felt.

"But Edward, you're so…so…"

"Bella…" God help me I was going to start crying too if I didn't get her to stop apologizing soon.

"…perfect."

That really threw me. Even on my best day I'd have trouble accepting such praise, from anyone, Bella included. Now that I was convinced that she was beating herself up over something that I should have been more vigilant about, something I should have expected, I couldn't even process that she was calling me _perfect._ It rendered me speechless for a moment.

"Sweetheart, listen," she sniffled before continuing and my heart ached. "I didn't mean anything by that stupid question. It was just that, a stupid question." She sighed now, and removed her hand from my shoulder to quickly wipe away a few of her tears.

"I know how hard you are on yourself, that you blame yourself for all sorts of things that you have no control over. I feel so comfortable with you though, that I sometimes forget that. I know that your scars bother you and that you keep them hidden and I shouldn't have…"

"My scars don't bother me." I corrected her without even thinking. If we were going to have this conversation I wanted to be honest with her. It was obvious that we needed to talk about this and with the opportunity in front of me I wasn't going to let it pass by. Too many times we've moved on before really seeing both sides of an issue and this was one issue I needed her to understand.

"Bella, I see these marks on my skin every day. I've had them for years now and I've learned to live with their appearance, and the physical side effects of my injuries. I know that my touch is cold and that my right foot tingles more often than not. That has become perfectly normal for me. But I also see how other people react to them. My mother wants to cry every time she touches my hand. And Alice; the other night when she walked in on us and saw me without a shirt, I refused to look at her right away, because I knew exactly what to expect. She's very good at not looking at me."

She wanted to speak, I could tell. I could practically see the words forming inside her head, so I let her have her say, not really knowing what else I could do to calm or convince her.

"I was shocked when you showed them to me the first time." Her voice was quiet as her fingers tentatively started their exploration once more. "I had no way of knowing, but what surprised me more than the scars themselves was that you were willing to share this with me—that you trusted me that much."

"It was the same for me, when you shared your experience…from high school."

And it was. I was shocked by her ability and willingness to recollect such a tragic event, that she would want to share something so personal with someone like me.

"But that's why I could." She explained. "You'd shown me your scars already and that made sharing mine a little easier."

Bella gently kissed my shoulder before settling her head against my chest.

"I guess that's what I meant just now when I asked about my leg. You have scars from before I knew you…marks on your body that tell a story, that explain a little bit about who you are and what you've been through; and in a manner of speaking, so do I. I suppose I was really asking whether or not you thought this accident might count as a scar we've earned together, you know, something that was difficult and painful at the time, but something that will ultimately define a part of our relationship the way that our individual scars tend to define parts of our personalities?  
"I just panicked a little when I realized how my poor choice of words might have been perceived."

Brilliant, I tell you! I'm completely and utterly amazed by the way this woman's mind works. She is always thinking on another level, coming up with ideas and concepts that the average person wouldn't give a second thought to, and I'm inclined to agree with her on this point.

The scars we carry with us are a reminder of our pasts. We learn from them and we become stronger because of them. Like the scars that decorate my body and those that cover much of Bella's heart, the scar that will likely be left behind once these stitches are removed from her leg will be a reminder of why we should always take time to talk. Why we should listen and compromise, and why at the very core, our relationship will always depend on our mutual understanding of each other.

I shifted our position after a moment and had Bella lay down beside me. I leaned over and lightly kissed her chest, just above her heart.

"My scars don't bother you?"

She shook her head and smiled shyly, which made me grin.

"So it's okay to keep walking around without a shirt on?"

Bella giggled at me and felt my heart lighten significantly. Because I could no longer avoid it I kissed her and she eagerly kissed me back.  
I've come to understand some of what can be communicated in a kiss. This one said thank you as much as it said I'm sorry, but I understood why she wanted to convey those feelings. I knew better than anyone how easy it was to panic over seemingly mundane concerns.

"Edward?"

My mind was beginning to shutdown, ready and willing to get lost in the pleasure Bella's physical presence could offer, but her tone brought me back.

My acknowledgment wasn't much more than a grunt, but Bella got me so it was okay. I'm sure she expected as much.

"Your scars are beautiful. They're as much a part of you as your eyes and your hands and your beard."

At that I pulled away and looked at her.

"I'd hardly describe them as beautiful." I made my voice come out gently, but honestly.

"Maybe not, but what they signify is."

And I could hardly argue with that.


End file.
